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“Aren’t you tired of playing?”
“What?”
“You seem so content in playing a game when no other players are alive. You’ve already won. What more could you possibly want?”
He Xuan stared blankly at him.
What more could you possibly want?
He hadn’t thought of it.
What he’d do after he’s gotten his revenge. It crossed his mind and now that it was spoken aloud by the brother he just broke to satisfy his resentment, he was at a loss for words.
Because He Xuan couldn’t deny what he felt through all those years of being undercover, dragged around by Shi Qingxuan, the former Wind Master claiming he was his best friend. He Xuan could only push away those feelings, he had to go through with it. It was his motivation, the reason he’s a ghost, why he didn’t die completely that day he drowned.
No, He Xuan couldn’t let something as silly as that be the reason to throw everything he ever wanted and everything he worked for away. He didn’t and yet, standing in front of Shi Qingxuan, he doubted himself.
But it was done.
He Xuan kneeled, reaching out to cup Shi Qingxuan’s cheek but the latter moved away with tears and narrowed eyes. “If you just had chosen me, things wouldn’t be this way.”
There it was.
The flash of pain mixed with despair in what used to be bright green eyes that never knew how much something can hurt. How your throat can close up, the tightening of your chest.
“I- But he’s my brother, you couldn’t- you shouldn’t have to make me choose-”
“I gave you an ultimatum! A chance !” He Xuan shouted, standing up as he shook his head with a dry laugh, “It’s like you don’t care about it. All you care for is your sad excuse of a brother.”
Shi Qingxuan chokes with a sob, clutching his chest as he did his best to yell but all that came out was his voice cracking, "I could say the same for you, He Xuan! Did-Did any of this mean anything to you? Something?
It did, it did and he didn’t want to admit it.
He Xuan didn’t want to admit that he grew an attachment to him, admiration despite him being cold and distant. He clenched his jaw without turning to look at Shi Qingxuan, but he had an idea of his current expression. One of hurt, “Don’t turn this around on me. You were the one who took everything good in my life. You were the one who became the good in my life but it didn’t stop what you replaced. It never stopped the reminder you became of your brother stealing it all away. And you have the audacity to ask if it meant anything?”
“....I’m sorry.”
“No apology can make it all up nor can it change anything.”
A shaky sigh escaped Shi Qingxuan’s lips, “I gave you all my heart. You- you weren’t supposed to shatter it and give it back.”
“I can’t give you what you want, Shi Qingxuan.” He Xuan turns, “Why are you trying to fix this?”
Shi Qingxuan raised his head, tears pouring down his cheeks, “We got so close- we were so close and- I never wanted to lose you. Please don’t make me lose you too.”
“You never had me to begin with. How else will you learn if I stayed?”
“Just stop!” Shi Qingxuan stood on shaky legs, swallowing thickly as he tried to find the words but couldn’t. His mind went blank so he settled on saying whatever came out of his mouth, “I loved you. I love you and I don’t-”, he inhaled deeply to calm his rapid heartbeat but if anything, it only raised it. “Yes, I had everything. Yes, I took your place and yes, I’m ridiculous and ignorant and I deserve all the pain you’ve caused me. But because I’m ridiculous and ignorant, I still want you to stay.”
They stared at each other in silence, one in heartbreak and the other in shock. It’d be a mockery if He Xuan gave in, stayed with the very person whose life he ruined and tortured emotionally.
“You’re an idiot.”
“I know.”
“This would never work.”
“I know.”
“So you know my answer.”
“I do.”
“You’ll suffer the way I have.”
“I know.”
“Good.”
With that, He Xuan left.
Leaving all his emotions along with his heart in the process.
Just as he had, he gave Shi Qingxuan his heart, who shattered it and gave it back in return.