Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

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“Earth to Stede, are you listening mate?”
 

Suddenly snapped out of his sleep deprived train of thoughts, Stede looked up at his husband. He was wearing his “kiss the chef” apron on top of his pajamas, and was preparing breakfast.
 

“Hum? Oh, sorry Ed. I didn’t quite catch that…”

 
“I asked if you wanted more bacon.”

Stede stared at his plate, and the still untouched omelette that Ed had so lovely prepared for him. He felt really bad for wasting it, but he really couldn’t eat anything right now.
 

“No thank you my love, that’s alright. Actually, I’m not really hungry this morning. I’m not sure I’ll even finish that.”

 
Edward looked at him, brows frowned with concerned. Something was off. Stede usually loved his cooking, but lately he seemed to avoid it. He gently placed the back of his hand against Stede’s forehead.
 

“Are you okay mate? You’ve had trouble sleeping and eating for a few days now. Are you sick or something?”
 

“No darling, I’m fine. Just tired from work, that’s all.”
 

Ed hummed quietly. He did not seem quite convinced, but went back to his cooking anyway.

The truth was, Stede wasn’t sick. He had a throbbing toothache that slowly became worse to the point of taking up to five or six painkillers a day.

He wasn’t sure exactly why he couldn’t tell Ed about it. Maybe because he was feeling ashamed for some reason, maybe he didn’t want him to worry, or maybe he couldn’t tell him that he was deathly afraid of going to the dentist. Probably all of the above, now that he’s thinking about it.
 

“I think I’ll go have a drink with Izzy during my break. You wanna come?” Said Ed, while dressing up.

 
Stede thought about it. Obviously he had work to do… but it wouldn’t hurt to spend more time with his husband. School breaks tended to get boring when he had to work from home.

 
“Sounds nice, I will join you once I finish grading some papers.”

 
Ed smiled, and kissed him sweetly.

 
“Great! Can’t wait. I left you some more toast and eggs in case your appetite comes back. See you later, love.”

 
“See you later, honey. I love you!”

 
As soon as Ed was out the door, Stede sighed and took another ibuprofen.
The pain in almost bearable when he’s not eating anything hot or cold. It’s gonna be okay, it’ll go away on its own. Maybe? Probably? That’s not how teeth work, isn’t it?

Stede went to brush his teeth one more time just in case.

 
🦷 🦷 🦷 

 
“Hey babe!”

 
Stede turned his head, and saw Ed waving at him from the other side of the bar. The place was really lovely, and at the perfect distance from Ed’s tattoo parlor and their apartment.

He and Izzy were sitting at a table in the corner, right next to a window. Stede grabbed a chair and joined them.

 
“Hi guys! Hello, Izzy.”
 

Izzy nodded while making a faint smile. If Stede didn’t knew better, he would assume that Izzy was mad or uncomfortable. But he quickly learned that it was just how he always acted.
To be honest, Stede used to hate Izzy. The man was weirdly jealous of his relationship with Ed in the beginning, and both of them were passive aggressively arguing or just plainly avoiding each other.

But as time passed, they learned to tolerate each other. Izzy could even be quite pleasant at time, and surprisingly really good with kids. I mean, the man was a pediatrician dentist so of course he was. He even babysat Alma and Louis a couple of time.
 

“You managed to finish your papers, love?” Asked Edward before nuzzling against Stede like a touch-starved cat. It made Stede giggle lovingly.

 
“Most of them, yes.”
 

Stede noticed that they were three glasses on the table, and one on them was full. 

 
“Oh, you got me a beer already? Thank you, darling.”

 
“You’re welcome babe. I got you the fruity one you like.”

He grabbed the glass and smiled.
 

“So, what were you guys talking about?”
 

“Just talking about our jobs.” said Izzy. “Edward had some disgusting anecdotes as always.”
 

“Yeah, I just tattooed a guy who didn’t told me he was hungover as fuck. He was bleeding like crazy, that was pretty gross.”

 
“Yuck…”

“I know right? His whole back was bloody, I couldn’t see what I was doing-“

 
Stede took a sip of his beer, and immediately flinched. Fuck.
 

“Stede?”

 
The cold liquid on his bad tooth sent a sharp wave of discomfort in his entire jaw, and despite his best efforts to hide it he was very visibly in pain.

 
“Stede baby, what’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
 

Fuck, fuck. Both Ed and Izzy were staring at him. Stede wanted to crawl up into a ball and disappear.

 
“S’nothing… just bit my tongue… I’m okay.”
 

“You bit your tongue while drinking ?” Asked Izzy, raising an eyebrow.
 

“…yes…?”

Neither of them seemed convinced. Especially Ed, who looked pretty distressed and it pained Stede to see his husband like that because of him.


“Stede you’ve been acting weird this week honey, why can’t you tell me what’s going on?”
 

Overwhelmed with embarrassment, Stede simply looked at the floor; his hand carefully massaging his cheek. The subtle motion didn’t went unnoticed as Stede hoped.
 

“Toothache?” Asked Izzy.

 
Stede didn’t answer.

 
“Mind if I take a look?”

 
“There’s no need, really-“

 
“It’s fine babe, that’s his job. Let him look.”

 
Ed caressed Stede’s shoulder and smile at him sympathetically. But even that couldn’t stop the way his heart was anxiously pounding. This whole situation was so embarrassing…
 

“… Alright.”

 
Izzy turned on his cellphone’s flashlight and gently placed his hand on Stede’s chin.
 

“I need you to open your mouth, Stede.”
 

He shyly did as he was told, letting Izzy shine a light on his teeth. After a few seconds, he turned it off and was letting go of Stede’s chin.
 

“Yeah there’s definitely a pretty big cavity.”

 
Stede felt so pathetic for wanting to cry when he heard those words. Obviously there was something wrong with his tooth, but he really preferred to stay in blissful ignorance.
 

“You should get that fixed before it gets worse.”
 

“Shit mate, you should have told me you were in pain!” Said Ed, looking at his husband with his big baby cow eyes that never failed to make Stede melt.

“Baby, I don’t know if we’ll find a dentist appointment in less than two or three weeks from now…”
 

Izzy searched in his bag, and looked through a tiny black agenda.
 

“It’s fine, you can come to my office tomorrow. I had a cancellation yesterday, I don’t have any appointment for the whole afternoon.”
 

“…What??”

 
“Perfect! Thanks Iz!”

 
“Aren’t you- aren’t you a pediatrician dentist…?”
 

“Who cares, he knows how to fix teeth. He fixed mine too!”

“Yeah, because you’re too lazy to make appointments yourself. Don’t make it an habit.”

“I know, I know… Anyway, problem solved!”

Stede laughed nervously.

 
“Yes… ahah!”
 

🦷 🦷 🦷 

 
“…Stede?”

 
The bathroom door opened, and a very sleepy Edward entered. Stede flinched, not expecting to hear Ed this late.
 

“Sorry darling, did I woke you up?”
 

“S’fine, just the sound of the door. Are you alright?”
 

“Yes, I just… I’m fine.”

He wasn’t fine. He couldn’t sleep and he really needed an anxiolytic right now.

 
“Are you in pain?”
 

“I’m okay, I took a painkiller.”
 

Stede took a shaky breath, and asked:

 
“Do you… work tomorrow?”

 
“Yes, why?”

Obviously. Stede knew that. But he expected that maybe he was mistaken.

 
“Nothing, just wondering.”

 
“Are you sure you’re o-“

 
“Gosh, it’s awfully late. I’m going back to bed now, good night darling!”

 
Stede didn’t let Ed finish his sentence, and went back to the bedroom.
Fuck. He was a grown man, for Christ’s sake. An adult doesn’t need his boyfriend to take him to the dentist. That was ridiculous.

But that night, it was the anxiety and not the pain that kept him awake.

 
🦷 🦷 🦷
 

The morning past way too quickly to Stede’s taste. 

Ed had woken up early, and had kissed him goodbye after giving him breakfast in bed before going to work.

Stede got up and fed his cat, did the dishes, swiped the floor, and did any task that will keep his mind busy enough.
He couldn’t stop looking at his watch the entire time, dreading each passing minute. He bit his nails so much that the side of his fingers were bleeding. Stede looked at the state of his fingers and decided to take his anxiety meds. The last thing he wanted was to make a scene by having a panic attack in front of his husband’s best friend…
He looked at his watch again. It was time to go.
 

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Once he was sitting in the waiting room, Stede definitely remembered that he was in a pediatrician dentist office.
He was surrounded by kids and their parents, all of them looking far less stressed than him.

A few times, the door opened and a doctor called for one of the family.
The antiseptic ambiant smell was making him nauseous, his leg was bouncing uncontrollably, and his hands kept on fidgeting. He couldn’t remember the last time he went to the dentist, it was probably at least six or seven years ago? But just being in this waiting room reminded him all too well of what was coming next, and he had to use all of his will power to not run out and go back home.

But his thoughts were interrupted by the door opening, and this time the doctor entering was Izzy.
He was wearing a white blouse with a cartoony tooth printed on the front pocket, and a badge on the front that read “Dr Israel Hands”.
 

“Hi Stede.”

 
“…Hello, Izzy!”

 
“Sorry I made you wait. Follow me.”

 
He did as he was told, and follow Izzy through the hallway and into a room.
It didn’t look as scary as in Stede’s memories; the walls were covered in kids drawings and colorful posters of cartoon characters brushing their teeth.

But all of that couldn’t distract Stede from the chair at the center of the room. A big, light blue chair with armrests and a big lamp above and next to it a trail with all sorts of dental instruments…
The sight of the medical supplies is what did it for Stede. Suddenly, no rational thoughts could enter his brain. It was overpowered by nauseating waves of anxiety.

Izzy was changing his rubber gloves, and turned to face Stede.

 
“Okay, sit down now so I can get a look at that tooth.”

 
He wanted to answer, but he was struggling to breathe. Stede shook his head at Izzy while hyperventilating. He tried to talk, but the words were stuck in his throat. Fuck, that couldn’t be happening, not right now, not in front of Izzy, he wasn’t a child anymore why was this happening…
 

“Stede? Stede, listen to me. You’re alright, okay?”
 

Izzy took of his gloves, and gently grabbed Stede by his shoulders. He guided him to a chair at the side of the room. Stede’s arms and legs started to feel tense and numb, and his vision was blurry with tears, but he couldn’t fucking breathe-

 
“Stede, focus on me. You’re having a panic attack, I need you to try to take deep breaths. Try to relax, everything is okay.”

 
Izzy quickly took his phone out of his pocket and typed out something rapidly before refocusing his attention on Stede. He kneeled in front of him, and took both of his hands in his to try to ground him.
Stede tried to take a few slow shaky breaths, but every time he remembered where he was he went back to hyperventilating.
 

“Stede, it’s alright. Edward is coming, he’ll be here with you, okay?”


Ed was coming? And see him like this, pathetically crying at the sight of a dentist office? No way, he couldn’t let it happen…

But at the same time, he wanted nothing more than to burry his face in Ed’s chest and let him reassure him.
 

“S-sorry…”

 
“Keep doing your breathing exercises, it’s alright. Did you take your anxiolytics today?”
 

Stede nodded. But apparemment his meds were fucking useless right now, because he kept on crying and trembling.
 

“Ed will be here very soon. Keep trying to relax in the meantime.”

 
They stayed like that for a couple more minutes, Izzy trying to calm Stede down as best as he could. Stede felt so much like a burden. He hated people seeing him so vulnerable.
Suddenly, there was a knock at the door. Ed entered, a worried look on his face, and hurried to Stede’s side.

 
“I’m here, baby, it’s okay! What happened?”

 
At the sight of his husband, Stede felt instantly better. His whole body was still shaking but he felt good enough to talk.

 
“Ed! Oh dear, I’m so sorry… I didn’t mean to disturb you at work…”
 

“Who gives a shit about work, love? I’m here for you. So tell me, what happened?”

 
Both Ed and Izzy were staring at him. Oh god, this was embarrassing…
 

“…nothing happened… I-I’m sorry, I just… I freaked out… when I saw the… instruments… I got scared…”

 
“Why didn’t you tell me you were scared of the dentist? I would’ve come with you!”
 

“I don’t think he just scared, Edward. He seems to have a pretty intense phobia.”

 
Stede couldn’t look either of them in the eyes.

 
“I’m sorry… it’s just- it’s ridiculous, I didn’t want you to see me like that…”

 
“You’re not ridiculous, baby. I’m here now, you’re gonna be okay.”
 

Ed took Stede in his arms. He buried his nose in his husband’s T-shirt, and relaxed as he smelled his familiar scent. He kept on sobbing against Ed’s chest until he calmed down enough.

 
“Okay Stede”, said Izzy, “Now I need you to tell me what’s making you so anxious. I’ll see what I can do to make your experience as pleasant as possible.”

 
Stede took a deep breath. It was happening.

 
“The… the smell… the tools… especially the drill… the needles… pretty much everything…”
 

Izzy nodded.

 
“What does your usual dentist do to make you feel more comfortable?”

His usual dentist…

 
“Well… I mean, it’s been a while… but they didn’t do anything special?”
 

Izzy nodded again, taking mental notes.
 

“With anxious patients, it usually helps to talk them through what I’m doing. Do you want to try that?”

 
Stede hesitated. The only thing that would really help to calm his anxiety would be to run out the door right now. But just as he considered this option, his cavity sent his a wave of pain.
 

“I don’t know… maybe?”

 
“Are you ready to go sit on the chair now?”
 

Ed placed his hand in Stede’s, and smiled at him. Stede swallowed and went to sit on the dental chair. He didn’t want to do this, he really didn’t want to, fuck…
 

“Good. Can you lay down now?”

 
He obeyed. His heart was beating so fast he was pretty sure everyone could hear it

Ed sat next to him, still holding his hand.
Izzy took two of the tools next to him before approaching Stede. He flinched a little.

 
“This is just a mirror and an explorer. I’m only gonna look at your teeth right now.”

 
He pulled his face mask above his nose, and turned on the bright light. Oh god, oh god, it was happening…
 

“You’re ready?”

 
“Mmh…” nodded Stede, hesitantly.

 
“Alright. Open wide.”

 
Stede obeyed. He could physically feel his anxiety in his whole body, he was so tense…

Ed rubbed circles on the back on his hand with his thumb, in a reassuring motion. Stede tried to concentrate on the sensation to ground him. He was so grateful to have such a patient husband…
Izzy looked and scraped at his teeth. It wasn’t painful, but definitely uncomfortable. Once he got to the cavity, he carefully avoided probing it, only observing.
 

“Okay, the cavity is pretty deep but I think it’s gonna be fine with just a filling. You can close your mouth for now.”
 

“A filling…? You’re gonna have to- drill my tooth…?” Asked Stede, anxiously.

 
“Yes. But you’ll be numb, you shouldn’t feel any pain.”
 

“Had it done a lot of time, love.” Reassured Ed. “Nothing to be afraid of. I promise.”
 

Izzy opened a drawer and grabbed something out of Stede’s view.

 
“Okay, let’s start with the anesthesia.”

 
“No, no, wait…”

 
Izzy turned with a syringe in hand, and Stede started to cry. Fuck, he felt another panic attack coming.
Instantly, Izzy was putting down the syringe and tried to rub Stede’s shoulder gently.
 

“No no no, please- no needles!”

 
“It’s okay, Stede. It’s okay…” said Ed.

But even Edward’s presence couldn’t help to reduce the panic that Stede was feeling right now. His sobs turned into ugly crying as he kept on shaking his head.

“Please please, I don’t want needles- I can’t, I can’t, I want to go back home-“
 

Izzy squeezed Stede’s shoulder gently to get his attention.

“I don’t have any needles right now. I won’t do anything until you’re ready. But this is a novocaine injection, that’s what will numb you up. If I don’t give you the needle, it’s gonna hurt. You understand?”
 

Stede sniffed and wiped the tears off his face. The rational part of his brain knew that, obviously. But right now, the anxiety was overpowering it. He wanted to run away as far as possible.
 

“It’s just a little pinch, and it’s over. You won’t feel anything after that.”

 
“You don’t understand, I can’t, I really can’t-“

Ed started to take exaggerated deep breaths, for Stede to follow. He sniffed and  wiped his tears, then tried to join him. He concentrated on Ed, on the man he loved more than anything. He trusted him, with everything. If Ed thought Stede was safe, he could try to be brave for him.
Once he was sufficiently calmed down, Stede swallowed and said:
 

“O-okay… I’m ready…”

 
His heart was pounding so fast, he was so scared, but he was as ready as he will ever be.

“Alright. Open up for me.”

Stede obeyed timidly.

“Little wider…”
 

Stede closed his eyes as tightly as he could, anticipating the sharp of the needle near his sensitive gums at anytime…
 

“Little pinch now. Don’t move.”

 
He felt the syringe going in and left out an embarrassing little sound. He squeezed Ed’s hand so much he worried he might break his bones.

 
“You’re doing great baby” reassured Ed. “Deep breaths, it’s gonna be over soon.”
 

Izzy slowly injected the novocaine, way to slowly to Stede’s taste. He wanted it out, wanted it to stop. He whimpered pathetically, trying his best to stay still.
Finally, the syringe was out of his mouth.
 

“Okay, the worse part is done. It’s gonna take a minute to kick in.”
 

Stede exhaled in relief. He ran his tongue on his tooth and immediately scrunched his face in disgust.

“…it taste weird…”
 

Izzy handed him a cup of water for him to rince his mouth.
 

“I’ll be right back” said Izzy. “Try to relax in the meantime.”
 

Easier said than done.

 
“Hey. How are you feeling, love?”

Ed looked at him with his big loving eyes, and Stede suddenly felt so guilty. He shouldn’t have to deal with Stede’s stupid bullshit…
 

“Not great, but better I guess… I’m sorry, darling.”
 

“None of that. You have nothing to apologize for.”
 

“I’m crying at the dentist like a baby… that’s so embarrassing.”
 

“Shut up, you’re not a baby. You can’t control your phobias.”
 

Ed ran his fingers through Stede’s hair, and Stede immediately leaned into the contact. It felt nice. Ed had nice hands.
 

“You should have told me you were scared, honey. I’m always here for you. You know I would never make fun of you for stuff like that.”

 
“I know, sorry.”
 

“It’s okay, because I’m here now. And I’m not going anywhere.” He kissed Stede’s forehead. “So, what do you want to do after? Should we watch a movie? Go in a parc?”
 

Anything as long as it is with you, Stede wanted to answered.

“I don’t know… just stay home and cuddle with you would be nice I guess…”
 

“Then cuddle we will, baby.”
 

Suddenly, Izzy came back.

 
“Feeling numb already, Stede?”

 
He ran his tongue across his gums.
 

“… I guess so?”

 
Izzy sat back next to Stede, and grabbed the explorer.
 

“Let’s see. Open.”

 
Izzy gently poked around Stede’s infected tooth.
 

“Do you feel any of that?”
 

Stede shook his head.
 

“Great. Ready to start?”

 
Stede’s heart was beating faster. The anxiety was rising again.
 

“… this is the drilling part, isn’t it?”

 
“Yes. But you won’t feel any pain, because of the injection I gave you. The noise is pretty annoying but other than that, it’s gonna be alright.”
 

Stede didn’t look less nervous, but nodded anyway. He wanted this to be over so badly.
Izzy grabbed the drill next to him, and raised his face mask again.
 

“If you feel any pain or discomfort at all, just raise your hand. But other than that, you need to stay still. Understand?”
 

Stede looked anxiously at Ed, who smiled and squeezed his hand as an encouragement.
 

“Okay, open wide now.”
 

Oh god, the sound. The awful dreadful sharp sound  of the drill… he felt the pressure of it against his tooth and tried not to flinch. Suddenly, Stede was reminded of the last time he had a filling.
 

He was so small in that big dentist chair, but everybody kept on telling him he wasn’t a little boy anymore. His father didn’t stay next to him to hold his hand. He said that Stede needed to grow up.
His mouth was kept open by a bite block, and he could feel everything as the drill dig deeper and got close to the nerve. His father told him to man up, to stop overreacting. Stede kept on crying and yelling in pain, but the dentist didn’t stop. It hurts, it hurts so much-

 
A sudden sharp pain stopped his train of thoughts. Stede quickly raised his hand, whimpering and holding back tears.
Izzy immediately stopped the drill.

 
“Did that hurt?”
 

Stede sniffed.

“Y-yes… is that normal?”

 
“You might need more novocaine.”
 

At the thought of another needle, Stede paled. Ed immediately reassured him:
 

“You’re already numb, baby. You won’t even feel that one, I promise.”
 

Stede squeezed Ed’s hand as hard as he could, closed his eyes and opened his mouth.
Luckily, Ed was right. This one wasn’t as bad as the first one. He just felt a slight pressure, but no pain.
 

“You’re doing great, Stede.” Praised Ed, “Now it’s gonna be okay.”
 

After a minute, Izzy grabbed the drill again and kept going.

They were right, there was no pain now.
The rest of the procedure went without any trouble. The sound of the drill still felt awful, but the presence of Ed and the feeling of his hand in his helped him to stay grounded. In less than an hour, Izzy finished filling his tooth.

 
“Alright Stede, you’re all done.”

Ed kissed the top of his head lovingly.
 

“You did so good, baby. I’m proud of you! Now, let’s get home and cuddle, okay?”
 

Stede was exhausted from all the anxiety, but hummed in approval as he got up. Despite his embarrassment, he faced Izzy and looked at him in the eyes.
 

“Thank you, Izzy… sorry for all the trouble.”
 

“S’my job. Don’t worry about it.”
 

Izzy smiled at them. The man rarely genuinely smiled, so it was pretty disorienting to see this gentle side of him. But Stede was grateful for it.

 
Ed and Stede went home, and cuddled under their weighted blanket.
Stede was as clingy as humanly possible, as he tended to get when he was tired.

 
“My mouth feels weird…”

 
“Yes baby, I know. You’re still numb.”

 
“M’sorry you had to take your day off just for me…”
 

“I’m always glad to spend time with you. Besides, you would have done the same for me.”

 
He kissed Stede gently, caressing his hair.

 
“What do you think love, pancakes for breakfast tomorrow?”

 
“With blueberries and whipped cream?”

 
“Of course baby. I love you.”

 
“Love you too…”

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me.”

When Izzy first read the name on his appointment’s list, he thought it was either a joke or a coincidence. But there he was, Lucius Spriggs, in the waiting room of his dental cabinet.

“Watch your language, Iggy. There’s children here.”

“I know that- well, follow me.”

Izzy huffed, and guided Spriggs to his office.

“So. Can you tell me the fuck you’re doing here? You know I’m a pediatrician, right?”

“Obviously I know. Listen…”

Lucius fidgeted with his sleeve, avoiding eye contact with Izzy. It was weird, usually the young man oozed confidence to the point of cockiness. Seeing him so nervous was almost uncanny.

“Okay, this is a bit embarrassing. Especially to tell you… promise you won’t make fun of me.”

“Get on with it.”

“Well, I saw Stede the other day, and he told me about his appointment with you. He said that you were really professional, and that you made him felt safe despite his phobia. That you were… nice. Honestly, it was a bit surprising because I thought you hated the man-”

“Did you came to my work to humiliate me?”

“What? No! Actually… I want to be your patient.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I know that Stede was an exception, and you don’t usually take adult patient but… oh god, this is so embarrassing… I actually haven’t seen a dentist for like, ten years… and I’m way to anxious to see one after all this time. I just thought… since I know you, it might make me feel more comfortable? And with what Stede said, I…”

“Okay.”

Spriggs stopped his blabbering and finally met Izzy’s gaze.

“Really?”

“Yeah. I don’t see why not.”

“Oh… well, that’s a relief!”

“I will need you to fill some paperwork, then we can start a checkup and take some X-rays if that’s okay with you.”

Izzy handled the boy a medical questionnaire, and started to open a new patient file.

“Yes- I can do that, thanks.”

During the two minutes of silence it took for Lucius to fill the questionnaire, Izzy couldn’t help but to be hyper aware of the loud breathing the young man tried to hide.

“Great. Now, you can go sit on the chair if you’re ready.”

Spriggs did as he was told. He was obedient, no sarcastic remark or annoyed look that he usually always throw at Izzy.

He adjusted the chair and started to prepare his tools.

“So, can I ask why you haven’t seen a dentist in so long?”

Izzy could swear he heard Lucius’s heart beating from were he was.

“It’s not a trick question, Spriggs. Just genuinely asking.”

“Well… it’s stupid, really. I just… I don’t like the dentist. Like, really really don’t like- no offense. And I would avoid going whenever I could. When I started to live on my own, I just stopped going. And I felt really bad because the more time passed, the more scared I was of going, and of being judged for neglecting my teeth for so long, and…”

He took a deep breath before turning to Izzy.

“It got to a point where my anxiety is getting out of hand.”

“I see.”

Izzy took his mirror and explorer in his hand, and sat on the chair next to him.

“That’s actually pretty common with anxious patients. The hardest part is making that first appointment. Right now, I’m gonna start with the checkup, see what we’re working with. Open wide for me.”

Lucius obeyed, and Izzy started to scrape and observe the young man’s mouth. Despite trying to be gentle, he still manages to make the boy squirm in discomfort.

“Is that sensitive?”

He shyly nodded. Taking mental notes, Izzy finished to examine Lucius.

“Okay, we’re gonna do some X-rays now. Bite down on this and don’t move.”

The piece of hard plastic sat uncomfortably in the boy’s mouth, but he did as he was told.

When he was done, Lucius looked so nervous Izzy thought he might explode.

“So, be honest… what’s the damage…? Is it that bad? Oh god, I don’t want to loose all my teeth-“

“You’re note gonna loose your teeth Spriggs.”

Izzy displayed the X-rays on his computer screen, and showed it to Lucius.

“You do have a few cavities. I counted five total, three on the back molars right there and two on the front.”

Lucius immediately paled.

“Five??”

“This one is really small, I can get it done for you today and you won’t even need to be numb or anything. For the four others, we’ll need at least two more sessions for the fillings. You’ll also need a cleaning and descaling.”

“Oh… okay, okay. That’s… no big deal… right?”

“Yeah, overall, it’s not that bad. Especially if it’s your first visit in ten years. Trust me, I’ve seen way worse.”

Lucius looked a bit relieved to hear that.

“Okay… so, you’re doing the small one today…?”

“Like I said, it’s really small. It’s better to take care of it now, it will only take ten to fifteen minutes.”

“You need to drill it, right… Will it hurt…?”

“No, you shouldn’t feel pain. But if you do, just raise your hand and I’ll stop.”

The boy took a few exaggerated deep breaths before closing his eyes shut.

“Okay, I can do this.”

Such a drama queen, thought Izzy. But he stayed professional and didn’t roll his eyes.

“Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be.”

“Open wide.”

The procedure lasted less than fifteen minutes, like Izzy had predicted. Nothing painful, but the sound of the drill against his tooth was enough to make Lucius squirmed.

“All done. It wasn’t that bad, was it?”

“Easy for you to say… but yeah, I guess it wasn’t awful.”

“We’re all done for today. We just need to schedule your next appointment now.”

The two man sat at opposite sides of the desk, and Izzy opened his tiny black agenda while Lucius felt his teeth with his tongue.

“You still use a physical planner?”

“I don’t see how that’s relevant, Spriggs.”

“I’m just saying, it’s way more convenient to just-“

“I can book you either next Monday or in two weeks. I’m gonna fill the two cavities in the back left, it’s gonna be a seance of at least an hour.”

“…Monday sounds good. I want to get this done asap.”

“Monday 9am, is that good for you?”

“Fantastic.”

“Okay, I’m booking you then. You’re all done, I’ll see you next week.”

“Thank god- don’t take this the wrong way, but this is really nerve racking, to be here-“

“I get it. You did the right thing, you can be proud of yourself. It’s not that easy to take the first step.”

Lucius starred at Izzy, speechless. Sure, Izzy didn’t usually talk like that to people, but this was different. It’s part of his job. He expected Lucius to answer sarcastically, make fun of him in some way.

“… thank you, Izzy. It means a lot, especially from you.”

It was Izzy who was speechless now.

“So… see you Monday. Bye-“

“Yeah, hum. Bye.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

On Monday morning, Izzy entered the waiting room to welcome his first patient of the day.

“‘Morning, Lucius.”

“Hello, Izzy!”

The young man followed him in his office. He kept on fidgeting with the string of his hoodie, and Izzy couldn’t help but notice that his nails were red from being bitten too much.

“Are you alright?”

“Yeah! Yeah. Just… nervous. It’s fine, really.”

“Do you need a minute before we start?”

“No, no, if I wait too much I will definitely start to freak out. Let’s get this over with.”

Izzy nodded, and indicated him to sit it the chair.

“So, today we’re doing two fillings on your left molars. I’ll give you a few shots of novocaine to numb you before.”

“A few??”

“Molars are harder to numb, I need to make sure you don’t feel anything. Are you scared?”

“Yeah, I guess… a little bit… the thing is, I really don’t do well with needles. Can’t you give me some gas instead…?”

“Gas just makes you a bit loopy, it doesn’t anesthetize you. I’m afraid the shots are the only option.”

Lucius scrunched up his face in disappointment.

“When you say a few, what do you mean exactly?…”

“I think three should be enough.”

“Three, okay… fuck, this is going to suck.”

“When you’re ready, lay down and open your mouth.”

Lucius took a few deep breaths before laying on the chair, and his eyes became wide when he saw the syringe in Izzy’s hand.

“Fuck me, that’s a big needle…”

“Don’t look at it, close your eyes and concentrate on your breathing. It’s not as bad as it looks, just a pinch and it’s over.”

“Three time…”

“Spriggs, focus on your breathing. Count five seconds when you inhale, hold it for another five, then exhale for five. I need you to keep your attention on that.”

He closed his eyes tightly, and did as he was told.

“Good, keep going. Slowly. Keep count of the seconds. Now, keep doing that and open your mouth as wide as you can…”

Izzy used his mirror tool to spread Lucius’s cheek and get a better view of the cavities. Slowly, he grabbed the syringe with his other hand.

“You’re doing great. Don’t move. Little pinch now.”

Suddenly, the boy tensed as he felt the sharp needle entering his gum.

“You need to breathe, Spriggs. Five seconds, remember? Concentrate on that. It will be over soon.”

Lucius answered by whining quietly.

“That’s right. Good job. Just a few more deep breaths, it’s almost done… you’re doing well, just keep breathing and… there we go, you can close your mouth.”

“Fuck, that sucked…”

“I know, but it’s over now. That was the hard part.”

“Well, not exactly over… you said I needed three of these earlier…”

“You’re done, Spriggs. I gave you all three injections just now.”

“What?? Really? But how-“

“Just good at my job I guess. You can rinse now, you should start to feel the anesthesia working in just a few seconds.”

Lucius passed his tongue on his molars, made a disgusted face when he tasted the anesthetic and finally rinsed his mouth.

“Yuck.”

“I know, this stuff taste gross. But it’s worth it, in a minute you won’t feel anything.”

“I hope so, the last thing I want is to feel you drilling my teeth… ”

“The injection is the worst part, and you’re done with that. Try to relax now.”

Izzy prepared his tools for the next part.

“Don’t bite your cheek or your tongue, Spriggs. You might not feel it right now, but trust me you’ll regret it once the anesthesia wears off.”

“It just feels so weird…”

“Let’s check if you’re numb enough. Open up.”

Izzy took his explorer tool and gently started to poke at the gum around the cavities.

“Raise your hand if you feel anything.”

Lucius stayed still. The dose he gave him was pretty heavy, the whole left side of his mouth will be sedated for a while. But Izzy knew what he was doing, and with molar cavities like these patients often needed more numbing mid procedure. And with how nervous Spriggs already was, Izzy wanted to provide the most pain free experience as possible. After all, he was used to work with kids and anxious patients. He even helped a few people overcome their fear of dentists.

“Seems like we can start now. Are you ready?”

“Ye-yes, okay, let’s do it.”

Izzy nodded before putting his face mask on and grabbing his drill.

“Remember, raise your hand if you feel pain or if you need a break at any point. You shouldn’t feel anything, but it’s gonna take at least forty minutes to do both fillings so it might be uncomfortable.”

“Alright…”

“Open.”

And with that they started the process.

During the whole thing, Lucius didn’t interrupt Izzy once. He regularly asked him if he was okay, and got a thumbs up as an answer.

“We’re almost done here. Just five more minutes.”

Lucius hummed in acknowledgment. He seemed more relaxed… Maybe he was just exhausted. Stress tend to be very energy draining.

“Alright Spriggs, torture’s over for today. You can close your mouth.”

He obeyed, and massaged his sore jaw.

“Almost fell asleep at the end…” he said, struggling to articulate with half of his face anesthetized. Izzy almost found it endearing.

“Yeah I noticed.”

“Wasn’t that bad…”

“Glad you think so. Now, go home and have some rest.”

He stretched, and got out of the chair.

“For the next appointment…”

“I can book you in next week, same time. That’s okay with you?”

“Perfect. Thank you, Iz.”

“No worries. I hope you’ll be less anxious to take care of your teeth now.”

“If you’re my dentist, I don’t think I’ll be scared anymore.”

And the boy actually winked, which would be kinda cute if the left side of his face wasn’t paralyzed.

“See you next week doc.”

“See you.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

Ed had both a sweet tooth and an extremely low impulse control.

He also happened to have a huge toothache, totally unrelated to either of these things.

“I swear to god Edward, if I have to ear you complain one more day…”

His roommate Izzy was apparently done with his bullshit.

“Fuck you Iz. I’m in pain man.”

“Yeah, I’m aware. You couldn’t shut up about it all week. Go see a dentist for Christ sake.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.” He grumbled in his beard.

“If you don’t go by yourself I’ll drag you in myself. Stop being a fucking twat.”

“Eat shit dickface.”

Fuck Izzy. What did he knew? It was probably nothing, no need to see a dentist. Not that he was nervous. Of course not. The only reason he avoided the dentist for the last seven years was just because he didn’t need to. That’s all.

But he was in a lot of pain right now. His tooth was fucking palpitating, and he could even swallow without it hurting like a bitch. Fuck, Ed didn’t think he even felt such an intense pain in his whole life.

“Made you soup.”

Izzy brought his a bowl, but Ed’s face scrunched in apprehension.

“Can’t even eat that mate. Fuck, even drinking hurts.”

Izzy sighed, before bringing him a glass of water and an ibuprofen pill.

“I booked you an emergency appointment. You’re going tomorrow at eight. Don’t even think about skipping it, I was serious about dragging you in myself if I have to.”

Ed’s only answer was a whine as he pressed an ice pack against his sore cheek. There was no escaping it now…

🦷 🦷 🦷

The dental cabinet that Izzy booked him to was a new place, pretty modern looking.

Ed stayed in front of the door for longer than he was supposed to, considering just going back home. But he was in so much pain he could barely think straight, and -fuck it- he entered the place.

“Good morning, sir.”

Ed flinched, not expecting to hear someone. It was only the secretary, a young man in his early thirties, and he couldn’t help but notice the little rainbow flag pin on his shirt.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to startled you. You have an appointment?”

“Uh, yeah. Yes. I have an emergency appointment… at eight.”

“I see. You’re booked with Dr Bonnet, he’ll come shortly. In the meantime, please fill this medical form in the waiting room on your left.”

Said waiting room was filled with the usual dental health posters as you would expect from a dentist office. But Ed also noticed a poster against homophobia and transphobia in the medical field. Well, that wasn’t as typical to see…

Ed sat in a chair, and his leg immediately started to bounce nervously.

He filled the questionnaire and tried to calm his nerves.

He definitely wasn’t scared or anything. Nope. Even though this Bonnet guy will look at the awful state of his mouth, and will scold him for neglecting his dental hygiene until it got this bad, and then he’ll poke at his teeth and it will hurt and-

“Mr. Teach?”

Ed snapped out of his train of thoughts. The man standing in front of him was about his age, strawberry blonde hair and hazel eyes. He looked fucking fine-

Before the silence became too embarrassing, Ed got up quickly.

“Hum, yea-yes, that’s me. Edward Teach, born on a beach.”

The doctor fucking giggled, before shaking his hand. He had soft hands.

“Nice to meet you Edward. My name is Stede, I’ll be your doctor here today.”

Stede then indicated him to a door.

“Shall we?”

“Yeah, sure, fine, whatever-“

Oh my god shut the fuck up Edward.

He entered Dr Bonnet’s office, and it really wasn’t like any other dentist office he had ever seen. Instead of the anxiety inducing white walls room, it was warm and friendly with paintings and trinkets decorating it.

“Please, make yourself comfortable.”

Stede indicated him the big intimidating chair at the center of the room, and Ed remember what he was here for. Fuck.

He slowly sat and then laid back on the chair, fidgeting nervously by tapping his fingers against his thighs.

“So, what seems to be the problem that brings you here so early a Monday morning, mister Teach?”

As he talked, Bonnet sat on his rolling chair and was putting on a pair of teal gloves.

“Uh, it’s- toothache, I have a toothache. I think it’s infected or something. Hurts a lot.”

“Seems pretty bad. Okay, let me take a look and see what I can do. Open wide, please.”

Edward suddenly felt self conscious. As soon as he will open his mouth, the sexy doctor is gonna see his disgusting teeth and he’ll have no chance of flirting with him.

“Edward, is everything alright?”

“Y-yeah! Sorry. It’s just… uh…”

“It’s okay to be nervous, don’t worry. I’m just gonna look right now, okay?”

“I know, but… see, I’ll be honest, I haven’t really been very… up to date with my check ups.”

“Oh, I see. I promise you, you have nothing to worry about. I’ve seen everything, trust me.”

Ed could feel his heart pounding way too fast. Hopefully, the sexy doctor couldn’t hear it too.

“Can you open for me, please?”

While staring at the ceiling and taking a deep breath, Ed obeyed. And with much gentleness and precaution, Stede observed the problem tooth.

“Oh yes, on the back right here. It’s pretty infected. Dear, that must be quite painful indeed… how long has it been hurting you?”

“About… two weeks maybe?”

There it was, the part were the doctor becomes mad at Edward for waiting so long.

“You’ve been in pain for two weeks? I’m so sorry to hear that, Edward. But don’t worry, I’ll take care of you now.”

What the fuck?

He can’t just say shit like that-

Was this Stede guy serious?

What the actual fuck?

“So, seeing the state of the decay, we’ll need to do a root canal on that tooth. Have you ever had one done before?”

Edward shook his head. That definitely didn’t sound pleasant.

“Basically we’ll need to remove the infected pulp of the tooth in order to stop the infection.”

Okay, that didn’t just sounded unpleasant, it sounded horrifying.

“It’s a fairly standard procedure, but it takes a long time so I can’t perform it on an emergency appointment. If that’s okay with you, I’m gonna book you for next week with one of our practician and in the meantime, I’ll prescribe you some painkillers.”

One of our practician?? Fuck, there was no way Ed was letting someone else than the sexy doctor poke and drill around in his mouth-

“Here’s your prescription, Edward. I’ll let you handle take the next appointment with Lucius at the reception.”

“Oh- thanks, doc.”

“You’re very welcome. Have a nice day!”

He can’t just smile like that, the madman…

“Yeah, uh, bye-“

This was new, being all flustered and shit for a dentist. Hopefully this won’t awoken anything in him…

Ed went back to the secretary from before.

“Hello again. So, you need to schedule a root canal appointment? I can squeeze you in next week with Dr Boodhari, either Tuesday or Wednesday at 10am. What’s best for you?”

“Well, actually- can you give me an appointment with Dr Bonnet?”

The man looked up at Ed, raising an eyebrow.

“Oh- hum, yeah, sure, but I can’t guarantee I’ll have… yeah, the best I can give you is in two weeks.”

“That’s fine. Yeah, book me this one.”

“You’re sure? With procedure like that it’s best to have it done sooner than later-“

“Yes I’m sure. It’s fine. Just make sure it’s with Dr Bonnet.”

The secretary smiled, and typed out something on his laptop.

“He’s nice, isn’t he?”

“What?”

“Stede. Dr Bonnet. Patients like him a lot.”

“Oh- yeah, ‘guess he’s not bad.”

“Alright, so you’re booked in two weeks, Monday at 11am. The procedure last at least an hour, make sure you eat something beforehand.”

He gives him a little business card, with the date and time of the appointment handwritten on the back.

“Have a nice day, Mr Teach.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

As soon as he got home that day, Ed had researched what a root canal was.

He regretted his decision after the first video.

The image of the needles and the huge fucking drill wouldn’t leave his mind after that. Shit, is this thing drilling to the center of the earth?? And it’s supposed to dig inside his already hypersensitive decayed tooth?? Nope, no, no fucking way thank you.

As much as he wanted to see the sexy doctor again, he couldn’t do it.

But of course, fucking Izzy didn’t agree with him.

“You need to leave now or you’ll be late.”

“Fuck you man, I don’t need to do shit. It doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“What will you do once you run out of meds, and when your entire jaw will start to rot?”

“I’ll just kill myself I guess-“

“Edward, if you don’t go in the car right now I’ll call Ivan and Fang and we’ll drag you in there ourselves. Stop acting like a child.”

“Yeah right, as if you’re going to do that.”

Apparently, he was serious. Because that’s exactly what happened.

“What the fuck??”

“Sorry boss” said Ivan, “but Iz is right. The more you’ll delay, the worst it’s gonna get.”

“Come on, don’t be like that. You’re booked with that doctor you told us about, aren’t you? You said he was really nice.” Said Fang, rubbing his shoulder sympathetically.

“Yeah boss, nothing to be scared of-“

“I’m not scared of anything.”

“Sure you’re not” sighed Izzy. “Anyway, we’re here. Don’t make a scene, remember that I’m noted as your emergency contact if you don’t behave.”

“I’m not five, asshole.”

Grouching and mumbling, Ed got out of the car and made sure to slam the door as hard as he could to indicate his dissatisfaction. Who could blame him, his fucking tooth was rotting in his mouth and the only way to cure it was to do some kind of drilling torture torture on it-

“Hi Mr Teach!”

The cheerful voice of the secretary made him flinched again.

“Sorry, forgot you were a bit jumpy.”

“S’okay. Hum, I have an appointment…”

“11am, with Dr Bonnet. He’ll be here very soon, you can go to the waiting room in the meantime.”

Ed nodded, and went to sat on one of the chair.

Fuck.

He was starting to hyperventilate, wasn’t he??

It’s been a really long time since he had a panic attack but he definitely remembered the tingling sensation in his arms and legs. Maybe he still had some of his anxiety meds on him…

He searched in his bag, but couldn’t find any. Fuck, fuck, this couldn’t be happening right now-

Everyone was staring at him. He must be looking pretty pathetic, a grown ass bearded man wearing all leather, panicking at the dentist. Perhaps he would find it funny if he wasn’t trying to calm the fuck down-

“Mr Teach?”

Oh no. The sexy doctor was here, witnessing how miserable he was.

Ed wanted to say something, but he was unable to speak at the moment. Fucking fantastic. Tears of frustration were menacing to fall.

Dr Bonnet gently puts his hand on Ed’s shoulder, and softly told him:

“You’re gonna be fine, Edward, come with me, we’re just gonna sit down and relax for a moment, okay?”

Ed could only manage a small nod, as he struggle to follow Stede.

They both entered his office, and the doctor made him sat on a small chair in the corner.

“There we go. It’s okay. Take your time, try to breathe slowly. There’s no rush.”

His hand was gently but firmly caressing Ed’s back, trying to ground him. He kept on sobbing and sniffing (fucking gross), trying to remember the breathing exercises he used to do back when he still visited his therapist somewhat regularly.

“Try to relax your body, Edward. Focus on my voice. You’re doing very well, keep on taking deep breaths. Take all the time you need.”

Why was he so nice? He must hate Ed right now, making him deal with this shit…

“Stay with me, Edward. I know it must be hard, but try to concentrate on your breathing.”

It takes a couple of minutes to reach a point were he no longer shakes too much and were he can talk. He exhaled, and looked at his feet. He felt so ashamed. Having a panic attack at the dentist, really Ed?

“S-sorry-“

“It’s alright. Don’t apologize, I understand how you feel. I actually suffer from pretty severe anxiety myself. Do you need anything? Some water?”

“Water would be nice- thank you.”

Stede got up to fetch a cup, and Ed had to stop himself from whining at the loss of contact.

“There you go.”

He slowly drank, and whipped away the drying tears on his cheeks.

This is so embarrassing-

“Feeling better, Edward?”

“Yes… I’m fine, thank you.”

“Was it the stress of the procedure that caused you to be anxious?”

Unable to meet his eyes, Ed nodded shyly.

“There’s nothing to be ashamed of, I promise you. Is there anything I can do to make this a bit more pleasant for you?”

“I- I’m not sure…”

“I can give you nitrous oxide, it usually helps a lot with scared and phobic patients. Have you ever had some?”

He shook his head.

“It’s a sedative that you breathe through your nose, it helps to feel more calm and more comfortable. Basically, it makes everything a bit loopy. It’s totally safe, we use it a lot with children.”

“I think I would like that, yes…”

Stede smiled at him fondly.

“Of course Edward. Do you feel ready to go on the chair now?”

Ed nodded, and went to sit on the big dental chair. He didn’t feel ready at all, but the more he will wait the worst his anxiety will be.

“Good. Make yourself comfortable, I’m gonna prepare everything, okay?”

At this moment, Ed was very thankful to be treated by the nice sexy doctor.

“I’m going to put the mask on you now. Once it’s on, just breathe through your nose like normal. It should start to work pretty quickly.”

“Okay…”

The device was pretty intimidating, but didn’t sat too uncomfortably. Ed obeyed the instructions, and concentrated on his breathing.

“That’s it, you’re doing very good Edward. If your ready, we can start in a couple of minutes.”

Don’t think about the drilling don’t think about the fucking videos, just breathe and focus on the sexy doctor’s voice-

“It’s okay to be scared. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you know. Don’t worry, I’m gonna take good care of you.”

Shit, is he saying shit like that on purpose?? Was he trying to make Ed blush??

“Okay Edward, I think we can start now. I’m going to explain what I’m doing during the whole thing. And if you’re uncomfortable at any moment and need a break, just raise your hand and I’ll stop.”

Stede grabbed a syringe he prepared earlier. He must have sense that Ed tensed at the sight, because he immediately reassured him.

“I’m going to numb you now, okay? I know it looks intimidating, but I promise you it’s not gonna hurt.”

“Y-yeah, I’ve heard this before…”

“But not from me, have you?”

What the fuck. The gas must be working really well, because Ed did feel pretty loopy right now.

“Open as wide as you can, and close your eyes. Don’t forget to breathe through your nose.”

He obeyed. Ed could feel Stede’s rubber glove covered thumb holding his cheek from the inside, and then he felt a pressure in his jaw-

“You’re doing really good, Edward. Stay still, that’s right. I’m almost done here. Keep breathing, just like that, you’re doing great.”

The praise made Ed blush so much he could feel his ears getting hot. He could be good, he will be good. Anything for this fucking sexy doctor.

“Just a few more seconds now. A few more deep breaths.”

He grabbed his suction tool and got rid of the awful taste of the anesthetic.

“You can close your mouth now, you’re done with the shot. You did very well.”

Ed didn’t really think he did anything, despite staying still, but he felt really proud of himself nonetheless.

“The anesthetic we use are very effective, I promise you that after that, you won’t feel any pain from the procedure.”

Well, Stede did kept his previous promise on the shot being painless…

“And remember, you can always ask for a break if you need. Just raise your hand and I’ll stop.”

Ed nodded. He still felt scared, but the gas made it bearable. And maybe Stede’s sweet voice was doing something as well.

“When you’re ready, open as wide as you can.”

He immediately opened his mouth, not wanting to wait and start freaking out again.

Turned out, Stede was right. Even though the sound and sensation of your tooth being drilled entirely was far from pleasant, it was pain free.

And when things started to get too overwhelming, the praises from Stede made him relax again. Shit, he was really down bad for that dentist, wasn’t he?

“I know it’s long, but you’re doing very well Edward. Sitting so still, letting me take care of you despite your anxiety. You’re being so good.”

I want to be good, I’ll be good for you. Keep telling me I’m good, please.

That’s the kind of word vomit that Ed’s mushy brain would blurt out right now if his mouth wasn’t occupied.

“Almost done now. That’s it, I just need to fill the temporary crown. I know it’s a lot, but you did the worst part already.”

And a couple of minutes later, Stede finally puts his tools to the side and took of his face mask.

“Alright, we’re all done here! I still need you to sit for five minutes, and keep breathing through your mask. I’ve switched it to oxygen, it will help to prevent headaches and nausea.”

Ed sighed in relief, and took more deep breaths through his nose.

“How do you feel, Edward?”

“Just peachy. M’ a bit tired. Might fall asleep in this chair honestly.”

And the sexy doctor giggled.

“I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to consider that.”

“Sorry again… for hum, y’know. Earlier.”

“I told you it was alright. I know it’s not fun to have a panic attack in public like that. I hope I was able to help.”

“Yeah. You were- hum, you made me feel safe. Thank you.”

Stede smiled, before gently taking off the nose mask.

“You’re all done now. Take some time to rest when you come back home, okay? Anxiety can really be energy draining.”

Ed got up, feeling a bit dizzy.

“Thanks doc- see you next time-“

“Goodbye Edward. Oh, and one last thing…”

He puts his hand on Ed’s shoulder, rubbing his thumb gently, and said-

“You can be proud of yourself. You were really brave today.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

“Damn, what kind of pain killer did they gave you?? I’ve never seen you that drugged out before. You threw a scene and they had to sedate you, is that it?”

Ed didn’t answer to Izzy. The only thing going on with his brain right now was the sexy blonde doctor, and his sexy voice.

You were really brave today…

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

“Edward, darling, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. Leave me alone.”

Stede rolled his eyes and sat next to his husband. Ed’s been grumpy all morning, but won’t share what’s bothering him.

“Come on, you can tell me. What’s going on, baby?”

Ed mumbled something unintelligible, while facing the opposite direction.

“Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that. What-“

“It’s stupid, leave it. It’s just. I have this appointment. You know. This afternoon.”

Oh- that’s right.

Ed has a dentist appointment for a tooth extraction today.

Stede seemed to be putting the pieces together, and gently took Ed’s hand in his.

“Oh darling, you’re nervous?”

“No. Maybe. I don’t want to go.”

“I can go with you.”

“I’m not a kid, Stede.”

“I never said that you were. But you know, even adults needs a little moral support from time to time. It’s okay to be scared, nothing to be ashamed of.”

“M not afraid.”

“Of course not, love.”

“But. Yknow. If you’re not busy or anything, I guess that could be nice… to have you come with me.”

Stede kissed his husband’s temple fondly. Of course he wasn’t busy; and even if he was, it would have been less important than being here for Ed.

🦷 🦷 🦷

The dentist office belonged to friends of Stede. That’s the only reason Ed felt safe enough to go. To say it plainly, he didn’t had very pleasant experiences with dental care in his childhood…

Ed tried not to spiral into traumatic flashbacks. He didn’t need the extra anxiety, thank you very much.

“Okay love, we’re here.”

Stede parked his car. Ed’s forehead was pressed against the window, and his only answer was a small whine. Stede tutted and brushed his husband’s hair with his hand.

“I know, sweetheart. I know. I know you don’t want to be there, but I’ll be with you the whole time.”

“Do I really need to do this…?”

“I’m afraid so, darling.”

Ed pouted, took a long exhale, and defeatedly opened his car door.

🦷 🦷 🦷

“It’s okay Ed, I’m not going anywhere.”

Ed was clinging to Stede’s hand so hard he worried for a second it might break. He was laying on the dental chair, waiting for Stede’s dentist friend to start the dreaded procedure.

“Keep breathing through your nose sweetheart, it’ll help you relax. You have nothing to worry about, Roach will take good care of you. Okay baby?”

Ed whined softly, but obeyed nonetheless as he inhaled the loopy gas through his nose mask. He would rather be totally unconscious and not have to feel the fucking tooth being ripped out of his skull, but that’s the best they could offer.

“Okay, how are we feeling Mr. Teach?”

The dentist- Ed didn’t catch his name, but everyone called him Roach- had a weirdly exited grin for someone about to pull out a fucking tooth.

“Yeah, just peachy. Really good. Fine.”

“That’s great! We can start whenever you’re ready, then.”

Ed stared at his boyfriend with pleading eyes, pouting.

Maybe it wasn’t too late to get out?

With all the care in the world, Stede massaged each of Ed’s knuckle with his thumb.

“It’s gonna be okay my love. You’re safe.”

Safe. Edward never felt safe before Stede. He had a fucked up childhood, and honestly a fucked up adulthood as well.

But right now, he felt safe enough to whine like a child because he was nervous to be at the dentist.

Stede didn’t judged him, he never has. Stede will take care of him and reassure him, praise him for accomplishing the bare minimum that’s required when you’re a functioning adult.

He fucking loved Stede.

And he could do this for him.

“… okay, I’m ready. Fucking do your worst.”

“Alright, open wide then. You know how this goes, it will pinch a little.”

Ed instinctively held on Stede’s hand tighter. Who could blame him, having needles in your gums isn’t exactly the best feeling.

“You’re doing great darling. Remember, deep breaths through your nose. It’ll be over soon.”

He closed his eyes and obeyed, trying to concentrate on Stede’s voice and hand instead of-

“Hur’s!”

“Hold still, it’s gonna be over soon.”

“I know honey, I know. I’m sorry. Just a few more seconds now, you’re being so so brave.”

Three more deep breaths, and the fucking needle was finally out.

“Great job baby!”

“Okay, you can close your mouth for now. You’ll be numb in a minute. Just relax.”

Ed sniffed obnoxiously, and tried not to let fall the tears at the corner of his eyes. The anxiety was definitely worse than the pain, but this knowledge didn’t make it easier.

Gently, Stede rubbed his arm.

“Oh my poor darling…”

“This fucking sucks, Stede…”

Ed hated the way his voice cracked and wobbled, betraying the state of panic he was trying to contain.

“I know it does, baby. But you’re doing great. It’ll be over before you even know it.”

“You promise?”

He kissed his knuckles and smiled.

“I promise.”

A minute later, the whole left side of his face felt weird and heavy. Ed poked at his cheek mindlessly.

“S’weird.”

“That means it’s working.”

“My tongue i’ ‘o big…”

Stede and Roach chuckled. What the fuck? Ed didn’t say anything funny, it was actually worth noting that his tongue felt huge-

“It’s just the anesthesia, sweetheart. It makes your mouth feel heavy.”

“You look pretty numb, shall we start then?”

Ed scrunched his nose.

“It’s gonna be really quick, don’t worry. Are you ready?”

“Not ‘eally but le’ go.”

“It’s gonna be okay” reassured Stede, “I’m right here.”

Ed hummed, closed his eyes again and opened his mouth.

“There’s a good boy.” Murmured Stede.

Ed should feel embarrassed to be talked to like a child in front of a doctor, but he couldn’t care less. Maybe it was the nitrous oxyde, but he felt himself relax at the praise.

“Alright, this shouldn’t hurt. If it does, raise your hand okay? It’s just gonna be pressure and slight discomfort, that’s all.”

Oh fuck fuck fuck fuck.

“Just pressure now. Stay still.”

The fucking pliers were inside his mouth. Around his fucking tooth. Fucking hell-

Roach slowly started to wiggle the tooth around, trying to get it loose. Ed whined and held his breath, even though it didn’t exactly hurt it was really uncomfortable.

It reminded him way too much of how his dad once yanked one of his baby teeth as a punishment…

“Don’t forget to breathe, Ed. Deep breaths. I’m right here my love, you’re doing so good…”

I can’t, I can’t, please stop, Ed wanted to say.

Tears were falling from his eyes now, he was sobbing uncontrollably.

The pressure kept building and building and, oh god, it’s gonna hurt it’s gonna hurt so bad-

“Almost there. Just a few more seconds, hang in there…”

I can’t, it’s gonna hurt, I want to go home now, I fucking can’t, my jaw is gonna fucking pop, this is it, it’s gonna HURT-

There was a sharp tug-

Then suddenly, nothing.

No more pressure.

“There we go! In one piece.”

“You did it, it’s over!”

What?!

Temptingly, Ed opened his eyes.

Roach was still holding the pliers, and they were holding the tooth.

“Not so bad now, was it?”

“You did it, baby, I’m so proud!”

Ed couldn’t stop staring at the tooth. The little fucker has blood covered roots, and looked way bigger than a tooth should be. Was this thing really pulled out of his jaw?!

“Okay Edward, I just need to do a couple of stitches and clean you up, then you’re good to go. Do you need a short break?”

He shook his head, and kept his mouth open to indicate to Roach that he was good to keep going.

“The worst part is done, we’ll be home soon darling. Well done.”

Ed sighed and was letting himself relax. He fucking did it.

Fuck his father and the trauma he gave him, he fucking did it.

“So proud of you my love.”

I need to thank this man so much once I can speak again, thought Ed.

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

Something was wrong with Izzy.

Jack didn’t know what, but he could definitely feel that there was more tension in the air.

He never ate with him anymore, he only spoke to Jack to answer his questions, and he was overall being weirdly calm.

Here’s the thing, Jack was a confident ass man. He didn’t care what people thought about him, he was obnoxious and loud and he didn’t gave a shit.

But he really cared about Izzy, and this man was the only person on earth that could make him fucking nervous about having fucked up.

Which is why today, Jack knew he had to say something he never thought he’d say to anyone.

“Izzy, baby, we need to talk.”

The man in question left an exaggerated sigh, before pausing the tv show he was watching to look at his boyfriend. He looked annoyed and tired, which only made Jack more nervous.

“Listen, I need you to be honest with me… is there- I mean, do you… well…”

“Get the fuck on with it Jack.”

“Are you gonna break up with me?”

He blurted that sentence out before staring at the floor. He couldn’t look Izzy in the eyes, he wasn’t used to being vulnerable like that.

“… what the fuck made you think that?”

Relieved beyond words, Jack left out an exhale he didn’t knew he was holding.

“Oh thank god- I mean, you’ve been super distant lately baby doll, you really had me worried. But if you’re not, then what is is? Did I do something to upset you? Was it because of the toilet seat thing?”

“Fuck- no Jack, I’m not mad at you. ‘M not feeling well, that’s all.”

“What’s wrong, babe? Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I don’t need to tell you everything, do I?”

“I mean, yeah, but why wouldn’t you say something? I can help you, baby, do you need anything?”

“Calm the fuck down, Jack. It’s not that big of a deal anyway.”

“I don’t get it, if it’s not a big deal then why don’t you eat with me anymore? And why are you so grumpy? And-“

“For fuck’s sake- it’s a fucking toothache! There, I said it. You happy now?”

“Huh?”

Jack looked at Izzy with a puzzled look.

“Wait, were you really avoiding me because of a toothache?”

“I wasn’t avoiding you Jack…”

“You were eating alone everyday, I’ll call that avoiding!”

“I wasn’t… fuck, I wasn’t eating alone.”

“Then why didn’t you-“

He was interrupted by the sound of angry growling coming from Izzy’s stomach.

“…wait. Izzy.”

Izzy was staring at the tv screen, not meeting Jack’s eyes. He looked… embarrassed.

“You haven’t been eating at all, have you?”

“Please, Jack…”

“How long?”

“It’s not important, can I please finish my show-“

“No, fuck, you need to tell me baby. I’m worried about you. Please.”

Jack never pleaded or begged before he met Izzy. The old him would call him a simp, but Jack couldn’t bring himself to care. He just wanted to take the pain away from his baby.

“… a week.”

“What?? Izzy, that’s-“

“Don’t. Just- I know. Please let me deal with it.”

“Why did you stay in pain for a week baby? I don’t get it!”

“Leave it, Jack-“

“Tell me you’ll see a dentist and I will leave it. Otherwise, m’ not gonna seat here and watch you suffer, what kind of boyfriend would do that?”

“Fucking hell, Jack! That’s why I didn’t want to tell you, you just can’t trust me with anything! It’ll be fine, just fucking leave me alone!”

Izzy closed his eyes and took a few shaky breaths. Jack stayed still for a few seconds, before starting to get up from the couch.

“…oh, well. Sorry for being worried about you.”

“Jack wait.”

Izzy grabbed his sleeve.

“I’m- im sorry. I’m an asshole. I’m sorry.”

Fuck, was he trembling?

Jacked sighed, and sat back down on the couch before taking Izzy in his arms. He caressed his hair softly.

“I’m not mad baby. I just don’t understand. ‘You trust me right?”

“Of course I trust you. It’s not that.”

“Then what is it?”

“I… promise me you won’t laugh.”

“What?”

“Just fucking promise me Jack.”

“Okay, okay, I promise. So, what is it?”

He felt Izzy gulp against him.

“I- I have this thing. I am- a bit- kind of-“

He almost whispered at that point.

“…scared of dentists.”

Realization struck Jack as he look at how small Izzy looked, cuddled against him.

“Oh, baby… that’s why you stayed in pain for so long?”

He shyly nodded.

“I’m not gonna make fun of you, baby doll. But I hate to see you like this. We need to find a solution-“

“No, Jack. That’s my mess and I have to deal with it.”

“But-“

“Please.”

Jack held Izzy closer to his chest. He didn’t knew what to say or what to do.

“Can I keep on watching my show now?”

“Okay baby.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

The next day, Izzy woke up late. It was very unusual, especially for Jack to be up before him.

“‘Morning sugar tits!”

“Morning… wait, did you made fucking breakfast??”

As a matter of fact, he did. And he managed to do that without burning anything.

He made cute fucking heart shaped pancakes, and next to Izzy’s plate he prepared an ice pack and an ibuprofen pill.

“Only the best for my baby girl.”

“… thank you Jack, but I really don’t think I can…”

“It’s okay sugar. Just… try a little bit for me, okay? Please?”

He nodded, and took the pill before sitting down in front of his plate.

Jack was sitting in front of him, his fingers drumming nervously on the table.

“Listen, about yesterday. I… made some research. There’s a place not that far, where they specialize in anxious and phobic patients-“

“Jack.”

“They were really well rated on google, and-“

“God dammit Jack. I told you to let me deal with it.”

“I know, I know. I’m just saying.”

Izzy carefully tried to eat a few bites, but gave up and cursed.

Jack stilled drummed frantically with his fingers.

“Here’s the thing. I may. Have called them. And made an emergency appointment. For tomorrow.”

“You did WHAT??”

“Okay, okay, I get it, you’re mad, but listen-“

“No, YOU listen you fucking twat! I thought I could trust you with this, I said to leave it!”

“Yes, I know-“

“Fucking unbelievable!”

“You can be mad baby, but please listen. If you really don’t want to go you can cancel. But please consider it, you’ve been in too much pain to eat for an entire week! How long is this gonna keep going, Izzy?”

Tears were menacing to fall from Izzy’s eyes.

Carefully, Jack was putting his hand on him.

“I get that you’re scared. But you will have to go at some point, baby. And if you wait until it’s gonna get worse, it’ll be even scarier! You know that.”

“Of course I fucking know- I’m not a fucking idiot-“

Annoyed, he wiped at his face with his sleeve.

“I know Jack. I know it’s not gonna get better by itself. I just- I can’t. I fucking can’t.”

“Baby…”

Jack hugged Izzy as tightly as he could, and the gesture finally triggered his tears to flow. His boyfriend was sobbing against his chest. Damn, he didn’t realize he was that scared…

“It’s alright, I’m here…”

Jack really wished he was better at reassuring and dealing with feelings and shit. When he was having a bad mental health day, Izzy always knew exactly what to do. But the other way around was more tricky…

He hummed and rocked slowly, still holding Izzy and caressing his back.

They stayed like that until he felt like his boyfriend was calm enough.

“I’m sorry baby. I didn’t think it’ll make you panic like that…”

“It’s… it’s okay.”

“I fucked up.”

“No, it’s me. I’m a fucking mess.”

“Don’t say that baby.”

“Listen, I get that you want to help… but I really can’t do it. I can’t even hear people talk about dental stuff without panicking, I don’t think I’ll be able to enter a dentist office…”

“What if I’m with you the entire time?”

“You really don’t want to see me like that.”

“I don’t care, I want to be here for you!”

You’re everything to me, I will do anything for you, Jack wanted to say.

“And the people there, they’re use to dealing with phobic patient. They’ll know how to make you comfortable.”

“Jack…”

“Baby girl, I wouldn’t make you do anything if I didn’t think it was safe. I love you, sweetheart.”

“I love you too. But I really don’t think I can.”

“I’ll hold your hand, I won’t leave your side one second. And I’ll make sure no one hurts my baby doll.”

Izzy took a deep shaky breath.

“…okay. I’ll- I’ll try.”

“Really?”

“…yes.”

Jack smiled and kissed the top of Izzy’s head.

“I’m so proud of you, baby.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

“I can’t, I can’t, please please don’t make me come in here Jack, I can’t…”

The two of them were parked in front of the dentist office for fifteen minutes. And during all that time, Jack has been struggling to try to calm Izzy down.

He was shaking and hyperventilating, his panic not seeming to go away despite Jack’s best efforts.

“I’m here, sugar. Try to breathe baby. Please Izzy baby, try for me. Deep breaths. I’m here, nothing bad is gonna happen.”

“I want to go home please please…”

And oh, Jack wanted to go home too. It was really hard to see his love being in so much distress, and he wished there was another way to end his pain.

“Let’s calm down first, baby. You’re gonna be fine. I know you can do this, Izzy baby.”

Jack could definitely tell that Izzy was trying to calm himself, and the frustration of not being able to seemed to make things worse.

“You’re okay, you’re safe sugar. Old Jackie s’not gonna let anything bad happen to you. Let it all out baby, that’s it. I know you’re scared, that’s okay. I’ll be with you, baby girl, I’ll keep you safe.”

He was trying to reassure himself as much as Izzy to be honest.

Luckily, after a few more minutes of crying and shaking, Izzy’s breath seemed to slow down enough. The exhaustion from his panic attack has taken over.

“S-sorry… fuck, it’s ridiculous…”

“It’s okay, baby. Don’t worry.”

He ran his hand through Izzy’s hair, brushing it in place with his fingers.

“Are you ready to get out of this car now?”

“I think so. Fuck. I must look like shit.”

“You’re beautiful, sugar tits.”

He kissed Izzy’s cheek tattoo, and held his hand as he opened the car door.

🦷 🦷 🦷

Izzy seemed pretty okay in the waiting room.

His legs was bouncing like crazy, but he didn’t seemed as panicked as before. Good, thought Jack.

“Mister Hands?”

Suddenly, he tensed up again.

The dental assistant that entered the waiting room was a cute brunette young man, who smiled reassuringly.

“Let’s go, shall we?”

They follow the assistant to one of the room.

“Hi mister Hands, my name’s Lucius.”

“… it’s just Izzy.”

“Okay Izzy. So, before the doctor comes in I just need to take X-rays, is this okay?”

Izzy nodded.

The X-rays were no trouble, even though Jack couldn’t go in the room with him. But next was the part they both dreaded, where he actually will have someone look at his bad tooth.

“You can lay back on the chair, make yourself comfortable. Doctor Bonnet will be here soon.”

Izzy didn’t answer, and just sat silently on the dental chair.

Lucius left the room, and Jack squeezed his baby’s hand.

“How are you holding up, sweet cheeks?”

“I… fuck, I feel sick Jack. I hate this.”

“I know, baby, and I’m sorry you have to do this. But you’re doing great so far.”

“I want to get the fuck out of here, Jack. I don’t know if I can do it.”

“Don’t forget, I’m here baby. It’ll be okay.”

The door opened, making Izzy flinch. A blond man hummed with a singsongy voice, before greeting them.

“Good morning! How are-“

Suddenly, there was silence. At first, Jack didn’t get why the two men were staring at each other like that. Then, he got another look at the doctor and-

“Wait, you’re that Steve guy!”

It was their friend Ed’s new boy toy.

Ed, who happened to be Izzy’s ex that broke his heart.

Fuck, Jack couldn’t have picked a worst possible dentist for his phobic boyfriend…

“…you got to be fucking kidding me…” mumbled Izzy.

The guy cleared his throat.

“Well, that’s a surprise. Guess I didn’t recognized the name on my calendar…and that’s Stede, actually.”

“This can’t be happening…”

Jack turned to look at Izzy, and was alarmed to realize that he was starting to hyperventilate.

Suddenly, Stede carefully approached them and sat to be at Izzy’s level.

“Okay, I know this must be awkward. But it’s my job to help you, okay? I’m not going to judge you, this is a safe place. Can you look at me?”

Izzy managed to do as he was told, still holding Jack’s hand.

“Very good. Now, try to follow my lead. Let’s take a biiig inhale through our nose… and then, slooowly exhale through our mouth. You’re doing very good, let’s keep doing that for a few more seconds, okay?”

Jack was rendered speechless. Stede was actually very soft and patient, and Izzy was listening to him and following his instructions. What the fuck?

The only time Jack saw the two of them interact, they were both being total bitches to each other. But right now, that didn’t seemed to matter anymore.

After a few minutes, Izzy seemed sufficiently calmed down.

“I understand, it must be very difficult for you to be here. Here’s what’s going to happen: I’m going to have a look at that tooth, and then I’ll give you my diagnosis. From your X-rays alone I can probably guess you’ll need a root canal, but I’ll need to make sure. Then we’ll make a follow up appointment to take care of it. Nothing scary will happen, I won’t do anything more than that. Okay?”

Izzy nodded.

“Great. Whenever you’re ready, I’ll need you to lay down.”

Jack squeezed Izzy’s shoulder as an encouragement, and kept his hand on his as he laid on the chair.

“Good job baby. It’ll be quick, don’t worry.”

“Remember, we’re going at your pace. When you’re ready for me to start, open you mouth.”

Jack could feel Izzy tense up again as he looked at the tools in Stede’s hands.

“You’re gonna scrape my teeth with your pointy thing?”

“Just lightly, yes. Nothing is gonna hurt, I’ll be gentle. And I won’t touch the decayed one. But if you want me to pause or if it’s sensitive in any way, just raise your hand and I’ll stop.”

Izzy took a deep breath and opened his mouth, which Jack rewarded by caressing Izzy’s knuckles with his thumb.

“Okay, I will start now.”

Jack observed with attention as Stede examined around his baby’s mouth. He felt so protective of Izzy that he was genuinely scared he might punch Stede if he accidentally caused pain to his sweetheart.

“You’re doing very good, almost there. Just a few more seconds.”

Jack sweared he could hear Izzy’s heartbeat from were he was sitting.

“Okay, you did very good, you can close your mouth now.”

Izzy left out a big sight of relief.

“So, first of all I want to point out that all of your other teeth are in perfect health. I see that you’ve been taking very good care of them.”

Jack could see his baby starting to blush at the praise.

“For that decayed tooth, from what I can see it comes from a broken filling that has gotten infected. As I suspected, you’ll need a root canal.”

Oh no. Jack saw Izzy’s eyes beginning to water.

“I need you to stay calm, all right? I understand that I can be very scary and this is a lot of information, but I promise you it sounds a lot worse than it is. The procedure last an hour, and you’ll be numb so you won’t feel a thing. I’ll let you check with the secretary for the appointment, but I’ll advice going sooner rather than later.”

Izzy sat up, trying to discretely wipe the tear on his cheek. Jack wanted to kiss him to make him feel better.

“Also… feel free to make your appointment with any practician. I would totally understand you not feeling… comfortable with me.”

“No! I mean… no, please, it’s fine if it’s you… I- I don’t think I can do this with someone else-“

Well, thought Jack, that’s a plot-twist I didn’t expect.

Stede looked just as surprised, but he just smiled before answering:

“Of course. Thank you for your trust. I’ll see you soon. Take care in the meantime, okay?”

And with an antibiotic prescription and the new appointment taken, Izzy and Jack returned home.

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

With the painkillers that Stede prescribed, Izzy was actually able to eat full meals again. That was a huge relief for Jack.

But the days of waiting until the surgery were like torture to Izzy, the anticipation burning inside him and making him irritated and stressed.

On the dreaded day, Jack witnessed him breaking down.

“Jeez baby, what happened?”

Jack just entered their bedroom, and had found Izzy curl up in a corner sobbing.

Immediately, he rushed to sit next to him and hug him tightly.

“It’s- fucking nothing.”

“Are you nervous for your appointment?”

Izzy didn’t answer.

Carefully, Jack tried to take the softest voice he could manage.

“Baby… listen, I don’t know what triggered this phobia of yours, but I can promise you that dentistry has come a long fucking way since we were kids! It doesn’t hurt anymore baby-“

“That’s a lie, that’s a fucking lie. Stop saying that. It always hurts, it always fucking hurts and they never believe you when you tell them, they never fucking stop, they-“

“Okay baby, we need to calm down. Breathe, sugar. Izzy, breathe for me. Whatever shit doctor you had before, it’s over. I’m sorry they hurt you, but I won’t let anyone do this shit to you now, okay? I’ll keep you safe. Breathe, baby.”

“I can’t- I can’t-“

“Focus on me, baby girl. Breathe in, and breathe out. You’re okay, you’re gonna be fine. I’m here, baby.”

“Jack- Jack please, I can’t go, I can’t do this- don’t make me go-“

It hurts Jack so much to see his baby in so much distress. But he needs to be the strong one right now.

“I get it, sweetie. I know you’re scared. But in a few hours, it’ll all be over. You’ve already been so, so brave. Everything will be fine, I will make sure of that.”

Jack couldn’t believe how small Izzy looked, curled up in a ball and trembling. Like a frightened child, hiding from a scary monster.

“Old Jackie is gonna be by your side the whole time, you’ve got nothing to worry about. Nothing and no one is gonna hurt my baby.”

Izzy sniffed, and hugged him tight.

“Sorry… fuck, sorry… I know I’m being ridiculous-“

“None of that. You’re safe, baby girl. I know you’re scared, but you’re being super brave. Let it all out, it’s okay.”

“I feel so- so fucking stupid. I’m a grown man- not a fucking toddler-“

“Maybe, but you’re allowed to feel like shit. That’s why I’m here sugar, to be your moral support.”

“Thank you… I love you. Sorry for being so difficult.”

“You’re not. I love taking care of you. I just wish I could take this anxiety away from you, baby doll.”

“You’re already doing a lot. Like… way more than anyone has ever done. I don’t fucking deserve that.”

“Shut up, you deserve the fucking world baby.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

This time, Izzy managed to stay calm the whole way to the dentist office. He looked exhausted by all of his anxiety, but Jack was still proud of him for not freaking out just yet.

When the cute brunette called for them and guided them to the operation room, Jack noticed how pale and sweaty Izzy looked.

“Izzy, hello! How have you been?”

Stede greeted them with a warm smiled, and Jack couldn’t help but find it funny. Maybe this would be the most unexpected bound of the century.

“Fine.”

“How is the pain since we last saw each other?”

“It’s manageable. The meds work well.”

“I’m glad to hear. So, I’m guessing you’re still having anxiety about the procedure?”

Izzy managed the tiniest nod as an answer.

“I would like to discuss of ways we can make you more comfortable. For exemple, do you prefer if I’m explaining what I’m doing?”

Izzy seemed to think about the question for a second.

“I want you to explain, but don’t go into details or I’ll freak out. Also… if I can have a lot of breaks, it stresses me out to have my mouth open for a long time…”

“Good, thanks for letting me know. I’ll make sure to give you breaks, and just like last time you can always raise your hand if you need. Do you think you can lay down now?”

Izzy tensed, and panic started to rise again.

“Wait, are we starting now? Wait, please, I-I need a minute, I’m not ready-“

Jack rubbed his back to try to ground him.

“It’s okay, it’s okay Izzy” reassured Stede. “We’re in no rush, you can take a little time. Try to relax, it’ll be okay. Do you want something to drink?”

He nodded, and Stede offered him a glass of water.

“Sorry…”

“It’s quite alright. We’ll go at your pace.”

“You’re okay baby.” Whispered Jack before kissing his cheek.

Izzy was never big on PDAs, but Jack couldn’t help to kiss his baby better. He wished it could take the pain and anxiety away.

“So, how long have you guys been dating?”

Izzy nearly chocked on his water.

“The fuck?”

“Just trying to make small talk, that’s all. Didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”

Jack laughed softly, watching Izzy get flustered.

“S’alright, just- didn’t fucking expect that. I don’t fucking know, I really don’t keep track of time honestly. Probably like, nine months?”

Ten months and seven days today actually, thought Jack.

“Yeah, me neither” he lied, “‘M really bad with dates and numbers.”

“Oh, is that so? That’s so sweet. You know, I honestly wouldn’t have guessed that you two would make such a cute couple.”

Jack smiled at Izzy’s disgusted face. God, his baby really was the most precious thing in the world.

“How are you feeling, Izzy?”

He took a deep breath, and laid down.

“I think I’m ready.”

“Wonderful! Remember, you can ask for breaks if you’re uncomfortable at any moment.”

Izzy nodded. Jack took place on the stool besides him, and interlaced his finger with him.

Stede was preparing a trail full of instruments, and started filing a syringe.

Jack wasn’t scared of dental stuff, but even he could admit that it was pretty nerve wracking to see the needles and drills. Especially when you know they’re gonna be in your mouth soon…

He held Izzy’s hand a little tighter.

“First, I need to numb you. Can you open your mouth for me?”

“Fuck, I hate this…”

“I understand, but I promise it looks worse than is feels. Just try to focus on breathing through your nose the whole time, okay?”

He looked at Jack expectantly, who took his hand in both of his.

“Okay, open as wide as you can now.”

Izzy obeyed, but couldn’t help trembling and kept on staring at the needle.

“You will feel a little pinch, and then just pressure.”

His breathing was getting too fast, and he held Jack’s hand with his shaky one with all the force he was capable of.

But he stayed still, and didn’t closed his mouth.

“Good job. Now, don’t move. I’ll be quick.”

Stede hummed quietly, probably trying to distract Izzy from the needle that was being stabbed in his gum-

Jack did his best to not wince. Izzy held his breath, and whimpered.

“You need to breathe, Izzy. That’s right, keep on taking biiiig breaths through your nose. Very good. You’re doing so well.”

“Good job baby. You’re so strong, I’m so proud of you.”

“Just two more seconds, aaaaand… all done!”

Both Jack and Izzy left out a relieved sigh as the anesthesia was done.

“You did very well. We’ll let the novocaine do its thing and you’ll be numb in a few minutes.”

Stede smiled and turned to prepare god knows what with his tools.

“Are you holding up, baby?”

Izzy left out a heartbreaking sob, and looked at Jack with pleading eyes.

“Fuck. No. I want to get the fuck out of here.”

“You’ve already come so far, baby doll. It would be a shame to have to do it all again now, right?”

“I don’t fucking care. I feel like shit Jack.”

“I know, baby. But I promise you that the worst part is done. Hang in there sugar.”

“I fucking hate this. So much.”

“I bet you do. But once it’s over, I’ll buy you a nice gift to reward you for how brave you were. I was thinking of getting you a plushy. How does that sound, baby girl?”

Izzy snorted.

“I’m fifty five Jack.”

“So you don’t want a gift then?”

“Didn’t say that.”

Jack smiled fondly. From the corner of his eye, he could see that Stede seemed ready to keep going.

“And what animal do you want, sweetie?”

“I don’t fucking know- a snake?”

“Then you’ll get the cutest snake in the world. Only the best for my baby.”

“Okay Izzy, how are you feeling?”

“…fine.”

“You should be pretty numb by now. Can you feel the right side of your mouth?”

Izzy felt it with his tongue, before shaking his head.

“Great. I’ll explain how the next part is gonna go, and you’ll tell me when we’ll start. Alright?”

“I guess-“

“So, first I need to isolate the tooth and keep it dry. I’ll use a rubber damn, it shouldn’t be too uncomfortable but while you have it on you can’t close your mouth. That being said, you can still ask for breaks like we talked about earlier.”

“O-okay…”

“Next, I’ll need to remove all the infection. This involve drilling, but remember that this should be painless. It’s not the most comfortable thing, but it shouldn’t cause you pain at all.”

Jack could tell that Izzy would need more convincing than that, but he nodded nonetheless.

“During this part, I’ll need the help of my assistant Lucius. But you can still let us know if you need a break at any moment. And finally I’ll place the temporary crown in. Do you have any question?”

“Will you though…” Izzy whispered, a worried look on his face.

“I’m sorry?”

“Let me have a break if I ask. Will you really?”

Izzy seemed so small and vulnerable. Jack rarely saw this side of him, even after years of knowing each other.

“Of course they will, baby. Old Jackie is here, you’re safe.”

Jack stared at Stede with what he hoped was a look that conveyed “if you hurt my precious baby doll, I’ll make you eat your fucking balls”.

“I understand your concerns. And I apologize on the behalf of the dental field for whoever made you feel like you couldn’t ask for a break and be heard. But I can assure you that you’re not the first phobic patient I had, and I have a lot of positive feedback for my treatments. I’m known to be very gentle.”

That seems to ease Izzy’s concern, at least a little bit.

“Besides, you seem to have a very devoted boyfriend here with you. You’re in safe hands.”

“He sure is” smiled Jack, before kissing Izzy’s cheek with an obnoxiously loud smooching sound. That earned him an annoyed chuckle from his boyfriend.

“Can I have a moment with Jack before we start?”

“Of course. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Stede left the room, and Izzy instantly broke down crying.

“Oh fuck fuck- baby? What’s wrong?”

Jack thought Izzy was doing fairly well, and was beginning to panic at the sight of his sobbing boyfriend.

“It’s-it’s okay- fuck, I didn’t want Bonnet to see me like this- just- it’s just a lot-“

He caressed Izzy’s hair, and peppered kissed on his forehead.

“I know baby. But you’re so strong. Look how far you’ve come already!”

“I know- I- I know I’m fine, I just- I need a minute- fucking hell Jack, I’m so fucking scared.”

“That’s why you’re so brave, baby girl. You’re here even when you admit that you’re afraid. And I’m so, so proud.”

He kept on sobbing in Jack’s arms for a few minutes, before taking a big shaky breath and wiping the remaining tears of his face.

“‘Alright baby?”

“Yeah… I needed that. Fuck, I must look like a mess.”

“Nah, you’re a snack like always, sugar.”

Stede slowly opened the door.

“Can I come in?”

“Yeah- I think I’m ready now.”

“Awesome. I’ll go fetch Lucius, be right back!”

Lucius and Stede entered, and prepared everything on a tray.

“Now, I usually offer a bite block for patients who struggle to keep their mouth open for long, but I’m guessing that wouldn’t sound very appealing to you.”

Izzy made a face that confirmed Stede’s affirmation.

“Right. We’ll install the rubber damn now. Can you open your mouth as big as you can?”

His grip on Jack’s hand tightened as Izzy complied.

“Good job. I’m putting the damn on now.”

And this thing looked so uncomfortable, keeping Izzy’s mouth from closing and isolating the decayed tooth. Jack could feel himself beginning to stress out. Even without a dental phobia, he wouldn’t want to be in this chair right now.

Both Stede and his assistant kept on preparing his tooth, when finally Jack could see a huge fucking drill in Lucius’s hand.

“We’re gonna start to remove the decay now. It’s important that you stay very still, alright? It’s gonna be loud, but it shouldn’t hurt.”

Izzy’s hand trembled so much, but he nodded.

The drilling sound was as awful as Jack remembered. He tried not to look disgusted as he saw it digging so fucking deep inside Izzy’s tooth.

Suddenly, Izzy whimpered and raised his hand. Jack was about to panic but the drilling stopped and both Stede and Lucius’s hands were out of his mouth.

“Are you okay? Did that hurt?”

Izzy shook his head, looking embarrassed.

“Okay, you just got overwhelmed, is that right?”

He nodded.

“It’s okay. We’ll start again when you tell us, okay? And if anything starts to hurt, we can give you more novocaine.”

It better not hurt, thought Jack, or you’ll be the one in pain.

Izzy indicated that he was good to go, and the drilling proceeded again.

Jack’s hand was starting to be numb from being gripped so hard, but he didn’t mind. He caressed Izzy’s arm, and hoped it conveyed how reassuring he was trying to be.

“You’re doing really well. The decay is almost completely gone. Just a few more minutes and we’ll be done with the drill.”

Izzy whined softly, but didn’t raised his hand again. He probably wanted to be done already.

When the awful sound finally stopped, both Jack and Izzy relaxed.

“Well done! Do you need a break before the filling?”

He nodded.

“Alright, I’ll remove the rubber damn for now. You can close your mouth.”

“You did the hardest part, baby girl. How are you feeling?”

“Like half of my tooth has been drilled out. But surprisingly, I’m okay.”

“That’s the spirit!”

🦷 🦷 🦷

“Alright Izzy, we’re done for today.”

Jack was so relieved, at that point he wanted nothing more than cuddle in bed with Izzy. It has been exhausting and he wasn’t even the one in that stupid chair.

Izzy sat up, and looked just as tired. Dried up tears from his attack earlier were decorating his dark circles.

“Fucking hell…”

“You did really well today, I know how hard this was for you but you can be really proud of yourself.”

“Thanks. Hum, Bonnet?”

Izzy looked embarrassed.

“Please don’t talk to Ed about. Any of this.”

Stede smiled sympathetically.

“Of course. You have nothing to worry about.”

“Thanks…”

“Now, you can go home. You both look like you need a nap.”

They didn’t need to be told twice, and they said their goodbye before hopping into their car.

“I hated that.”

“I know baby.”

“So. Much.”

“But you did it. And you were so brave.”

“I kept breaking down like a fucking child, I wouldn’t call that being brave-“

“You were the bravest handsomest baby girl, and you can be fucking proud of yourself.”

Izzy snorted.

“Fuck off.”

“I mean it!”

“Did you also meant it when you talked about a gift earlier?”

Jack smiled foundly.

“Of course baby, let’s get that snake.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

When he came home from work, Ed found Stede crying in the bathroom.

Obviously, seeing his husband crying would upset anyone, but it was particularly alarming in this case. Despite doing his best in therapy to overcome that, he was a professional at bottling up. He only broke down when he was at his lowest point.

Embarrassed, he wiped his face quickly.

“Oh- you’re home early-“

Gently, Ed sat on the floor next to Stede.

“I’m not. It’s almost eight. What’s going on, Stede?”

“I’m sorry-“

“None of that. You know you’re never supposed to apologize for being upset.”

He guided Stede in his arms, letting him sob in his chest.

“Take your time, I’m not going anywhere. Let it all out. I’m here, love. I’m here.”

Ed gently caressed his husband’s hair, while he slowly calmed down.

“That’s right, take the time to breathe love. It’s gonna be okay.”

“Thank you…”

Stede sniffed, and wiped his face with his sleeve.

“So. Are we gonna, y’know, talk about it?”

“Ed, it’s-“

“Please don’t tell me it’s nothing, baby. We both know you don’t break down crying if there’s nothing.”

Stede looked down, embarrassed.

“But it really is not that big of a deal. I’m just being too sensitive as always.”

“Stede, it’s okay, whatever it is I won’t judge you. I know you know that.”

“I know, but- I feel ridiculous.”

Ed patiently waited for Stede to quietly answer him while avoiding his gaze.

“I… have a bit of a… discomfort… in one of my… tooth.”

Oh-

Oh.

“You have a toothache?”

He nodded.

“Oh baby…”

He squeezed Stede in his arms.

“Was the breakdown because of the pain or the anxiety?”

“… anxiety…”

“Okay, how bad is your pain then? On a scale of one to-“

“Ed please. Can we- talk about this later?”

His voice wobbled with the threat of new tears coming. Ed didn’t insist.

He knew of his husband’s dental phobia, being a dentist himself it had to have come up at some point.

But he never actually saw how distressed Stede could actually get from just thinking about treatment…

He decided to wait until Stede calmed down more and relaxed to bring up the subject again.

The two of them moved to the couch and cuddled for a bit.

“How was your day, love? Besides that?”

“It was fine. I read a bit, cleaned the kitchen. I missed you, thought. The house is too empty when you’re not here.”

“Oh baby…” Ed kissed the top of Stede’s head.

“I’m sorry, I know you work hard, you shouldn’t have to come home to deal with me like that-“

“What if I want to? I missed you too, you know. And I want to be there for you. I don’t like to see you upset, but I especially don’t like not being here for you when you need me.”

“I shouldn’t need you, that’s the thing though! I’m an adult, I shouldn’t break down over silly thing-“

“Stede Bonnet, I need you to look at me.”

Hesitantly, he obeyed.

“I love you. I want to help you. You have the right to be upset, and I’m here to help. So try not to beat yourself up, I know it’s already hard enough for you.”

“I love you too… thank you my love.”

He snuggled closer to Ed, his heartbeat slightly less fast than it was before.

“…between six and seven.”

“Uh?”

“The pain. It’s… on a scale of one to ten, it’s between six and seven.”

Ed gently cradled his hand in Stede’s hair.

“Thank you for telling me baby. When did it began to hurt?”

“About three days ago…”

“Okay. Did something happened, did you fall or hit yourself?”

He shook his head.

“Did you took anything for the pain?”

“Yes, an Ibuprofen.”

“Good. Thank you baby, I know you don’t like to talk about these things. Do you think I could take a quick look at your tooth? You might have a cavity and we don’t want it to get infected.”

Stede flinched.

“… can- can we do this tomorrow? Please?”

Ed quickly caressed Stede’s back reassuringly.

“Okay love. We’ll check tomorrow. Let’s just watch a movie and relax tonight, okay?”

“Yes please. Thank you Ed.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

The next morning, Ed woke up to a wonderful breakfast in bed.

“Good morning, my love!”

He yawned before answering.

“G’morning, mate. Since when are you awake?”

“Oh, I woke about an hour ago and I got bored. So I made waffles!”

Stede smiled brightly at his husband. A little too brightly.

“That’s so sweet, thank you baby. But waffles are not gonna make you forget what we talked about yesterday, you know.”

His smiled turned into a pout, and Stede looked like a kicked puppy.

“Come on Ed, I was just being dramatic. You know how I get. It’s nothing to be worried about.”

“When you come home to your husband crying because his tooth hurts, you can’t say it’s nothing to be worried about.”

“Ed please- just drop it, alright? I’m telling you, it’s nothing. Can you please trust me?”

Ed stayed silent for a few seconds.

“You’re right. I trust you.”

“Thank you, darling-“

“Since there is nothing wrong at all with your teeth, would you mind sharing with me? I can’t help but notice there’s only one plate.”

Stede’s lips pinched together.

“I already ate. Thank you though.”

“Really? That’s weird, why wouldn’t you wait for me?”

“… I was hungry and you were sleeping…”

“That’s too bad. Because there’s everything you like on this. Sticky caramel, crunchy peanuts, oh and some sweet, sweet nougat-“

“Alright, I got it! Stop that!”

Before Stede could get too annoyed, Ed puts his hand on his arm.

“Baby, I get that you’re nervous. But we both know how avoiding it would end up, right?”

Stede stayed silent.

“You know I only want to help you. You need to trust me.”

“I… Ed, this isn’t about you- I mean, I love you and I do trust you, I swear. It’s just…”

He couldn’t finish his sentence before sobbing uncontrollably.

Ed took him in his arms, feeling helpless.

“You- you shouldn’t have to deal with me- I know I can’t do this. I- I know you’re gonna get frustrated with me and… and…”

“Baby, let’s calm down first and then we’ll talk, okay? Breathe, baby. I’m here for you.”

To be honest, Ed had always dreaded the day when he will have to tell Stede he needed dental treatment. Being both his husband and the thing he hates the most is making him torned.

The husband part of him wants to shield Stede of anything that upsets him, but the dentist part of him knows that he needs to have regular checkups in order to take proper care of his teeth.

But when the mention of dentistry alone makes someone you love panic, how can you convince them to actually do that?

Ed had seen his fair share of anxious patients, but they didn’t freaked out before even entering the surgery. And if they did, they were kids and it was expected for them to not control their emotions properly.

But Ed never met anyone with as severe of a phobia as Stede.

“Sorry…”

Stede wiped off his remaining tears and sat next to Ed.

“It’s okay. I didn’t want to upset you.”

“I know.”

They both sat in uncomfortable silence for a few seconds.

“I’m sorry. I don’t want to freak you out, I really don’t. I’m just really worried about you because I know that whatever’s bothering you is something that I will likely be able to fix easily. But if you keep avoiding me, it’s gonna get worse and- baby, I really don’t want that. It’s already a lot for you considering your anxiety, and I know I can make it better-“

“I know Ed. But- I really can’t. I never told you how bad my fear was, because I was ashamed. My last appointments were me screaming, crying, one time I even ran out before they could even touch me. And that was ten years ago, it didn’t get better with time at all. I’m a fucking mess, Ed, and I didn’t want you to see that part of me.”

Ed gently rocked Stede in his arms.

“I love every parts of you, Stede Bonnet. Even the ones you hate, the ones you’re ashamed of, and the ones you want to prevent me from. Nothing could change my mind.”

He kissed his forehead.

“And I just know that I can make it better. I know I can help you overcome your fear. It will take time, but we have plenty of that. I’m not giving up on you, Stede. You’re stuck with me as long as you’ll have me.”

Stede chuckled softly.

“Well, that’ll be for a while I’m afraid.”

“Lucky me!”

They both giggled together, and Ed peppered Stede’s cheek in little kisses.

“Here’s what I think. I’m gonna eat this delicious looking breakfast that my loving and caring husband made just for me, then we can move to the couch where I’ll get a good lighting and I’ll just take a tiiiiny peak at your fangs. Okay?”

“Do I really have a choice…”

“Reason always wins, Stede. Besides, I’m offering you a great option for you. For now I just look, we do this in the house and not in a dentist office, there will be nothing scary.”

He hid his face in the crook of Ed’s neck, and whined.

“I hate you.”

“You hate that I’m right.”

“Mmh. Both.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

Stede was sat at the end of the couch, hugging one of their decorative pillows protectively in front of him.

“Okay baby, I’ll be really quick. Just tell me, do you know which tooth is it?”

“Uh, it’s- the third from the back, on the bottom right.”

“Okay good, I shouldn’t need a mirror to see. So no tools right now, just my light torch.”

He emphasized his word by showing said torch, a small keychain one.

“Okay…”

“You’re good Stede?”

He nodded, looking really nervous.

“Whenever you’re ready, just open wide.”

Stede took a deep breath and closed his eyes before opening his mouth as instructed.

“Good boy” whispered Ed.

He shone the light on the trouble tooth, which was easily identified by a small but deep black spot.

Yep, that’s for sure a cavity.

Before he could say anything, Stede suddenly closed his jaw shut with a panicked look on his face.

“Sorry-sorry- I got- I got scared- it’s stupid-“

“It’s okay, it’s okay. You did good.”

He took a shaky breath.

“So? It’s bad, isn’t it…?”

“Calm down Stede, you’re alright. No, it’s not bad. I didn’t get a long look at it, but there’s definitely a cavity. I think it’s starting to attack the dentin underneath, that’s probably why it hurts. We’ll need to take an X-ray to be sure, but you’ll probably just need a filling.”

What was meant to be reassuring news didn’t sound that way judging by Stede’s horrified look.

“But- I- I take care of my teeth, Ed, I brush and floss all the time- I can’t have a cavity, you must’ve looked wrong-“

He started to cry, desesperely wiping the frustrated tears.

“I’m not disgusting- I-I swear-“

Ed started to panic, not knowing what to do to calm his husband down.

“Stede, listen to me baby. It’s fine, everyone gets cavities from time to time. Nothing to do with being disgusting. For a lot of folks, it’s genetic.”

“But- but I tried so hard, Ed, I- I did everything right- I don’t want to go back in there please please don’t make me go, I’ll be good I swear just- please-“

Stede’s sobs became uncontrollable, and Ed decided to try hugging him close to provide him comforting pressure.

It mostly seemed to work, as Stede hugged him back and both started to rock back in force. Ed calmly hummed and caressed his back and arms.

“I’m here. You’re safe. I love you.”

Ed kept repeating these words in Stede’s ear, hoping that he’ll eventually fully believe it.

“I’m- I’m sorry-“

“Don’t be Stede. You’re fine.”

He seemed to have calmed down, but Ed needed to be sure.

“Do you need to call your therapist?”

He shook his head.

“Okay. Do you want to talk about it now or later?”

“No option for neither?”

“I’m afraid not.”

“Well, better get done with it now.”

Unable to meet Ed’s eyes, Stede hesitantly started to talk.

“I’m gonna trauma dump a whole lot. Are you-“

“I’m okay, Stede. I’m listening.”

He nodded.

“My dad… he was an asshole.”

“Cheers to that.”

“He made it clear that… he didn’t like me. And he would punish me a lot. Physically.”

Ed didn’t say anything, just held Stede a little tighter.

“I always hated the dentist since I was small. The noise and the smell alone were a living hell for an autistic kid like me. But the pain is what made me the most scared. Dentists were not soft at the time… My dad obviously noticed, I would cry and beg not to go, but he got madder and madder at me every time I complained.”

“…One time, he found my journal. I was twelve at the time, and I had a crush on that boy. He saw everything Ed, every stupid gay thought I had about that boy were on that journal. I was terrified, and I waited for him to lash out on me…”

Stede swallow loudly, silent tears rolling on his face.

“But the scary thing was, he didn’t yell at me. He didn’t hit me. He looked so calm, yet so so mad… I was so scared…”

“Then he took me to my dentist appointment. I was so terrified of my dad that I didn’t say a thing the whole ride. And when we arrived, he-“

He took a few deep breaths before continuing.

“He told the dentist not to use anesthetic. He said- he said that I needed to become a man, and that I was being too coddled- that I-that I needed to know what pain really feels like-“

“I had three fillings that day. I screamed so loud, I couldn’t speak the next day. I can still remember how painful it was- I kept crying and begging him to stop, but no one listened.”

“Stede…”

“I did not became a man that day. I became a pathetic, weak, traumatized boy that can’t step into a dentist office without having a panic attack.”

“Your father is the pathetic one. You were just a kid… Stede, baby, what happened to you is horrifying and unfair. You did nothing wrong, and I wish this fucking bastard was still alive so I could kill him myself.”

“Thank you my love.”

“And I know that it sucks to face your fear, but I’m not asking you to do this alone. I’m gonna be with you every step of the way, you’ll be in control, you’ll be safe. I will make sure of that. I’ll do anything to make you as comfortable as possible.”

Stede didn’t answer, so Ed kept going.

“You are NOT getting punished Stede, okay? I just want to take your pain away. You did nothing wrong, and everything will be fine.”

“Do you promise…?” Whispered Stede with a trembling voice.

Ed took Stede’s hand in his and looked at his husband in his eyes.

“I promise.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

“Okay, so here’s what I was thinking.”

Stede shifted uncomfortably in his chair. He knew the conversation would have to continue at some point, but it didn’t make it easier.

Ed had sat both of them in the kitchen, explaining his plan.

“We could go to my office Saturday, the cabinet will be closed and it would just be us. This way, we can take all the time we need.”

“Can’t it wait for next week…?”

“Yes, it could. But I know you Stede, and if we wait a whole week you’ll spend that time stressing over it and bottling up. I’m afraid that your anxiety will be worse by the time of the appointment. But it’s up to you.”

“…okay. I hear you. I absolutely hate it, but I hear you.”

“Speaking of things you’re gonna hate, I have another suggestion that I want you to consider.”

“What is it…?”

“I think Izzy should do the filling.”

Stede left out a nervous laughter, but was faced with the raised questioning eyebrows of Ed.

“Oh god, you can’t actually be serious…”

“I’m very serious.”

“Ed, I’m not even considering someone else than you looking in my mouth!”

“Listen to me first, okay? First of all, I know it sounds weird, but Izzy’s really good with kids and nervous patients. He’s more experienced and he’ll never judged you for being scared.”

Ed could tell that Stede needed more convincing.

“Second of all, if he’s the one working in your mouth, I can be besides you and hold your hands.”

That argument seemed to make him consider it.

“And if we’re two, the procedure will be shorter. I want you to think about it, love.”

“… do I really have to do this? At all?”

“You know the answer already, baby.”

“Fuck… okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’m okay for Izzy…”

“Great! Thank you for your trust. I’ll give him a call right now.”

“Yes, great.”

He gently kissed Stede’s temple.

“You’ll be okay baby.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

The drive to the dentist office was weirdly quiet.

The thing is, Stede is never quiet. The guy can’t shut up to save his life and Ed loves that about him.

But right now, as Ed drove him to what must feel like his death sentence, he just quietly fidgeted with his cuffs and looked at the window.

Once they finally parked, Ed squeezed Stede’s hand to bring him back to reality.

“Ready, Stede?”

“…no.”

His voice was small and shaky.

“Let’s stay in here for a minute. It’s okay.”

“I- I think we should go back home. I changed my mind.”

“Take a deep breath baby. You’re safe, remember.”

“It doesn’t hurt anymore, I’m fine, let’s get back home-“

Suddenly, Izzy’s car parked next to them.

“I’m gonna take care of you the whole way. You’re brave Stede, the fear can’t control you because you are in control.”

They could see Izzy getting his keys and opening the front door of the office.

Stede closed his eyes defeatedly, and opened the car door. It was going to happen…

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

Stede was calming down by swaying back and forth after taking the X-rays.

Ed couldn’t be in the room with him while the machine turned against his head menacingly, and Stede had hated that.

“You did very well, baby.”

Ed looked at his computer, and analyzed the image of his husband’s teeth.

Like he thought, the cavity was deep enough to start to hurt but should be an easy fix. But what really stood out to him were the awful looking silver fillings he had on his molars. They were without a doubt the ones Stede told him about. If he had these done with no anesthesia, no wonder he was traumatized now…

“How are you holding up, Bonnet?”

Izzy had finished preparing the filling tray, and sat next to Stede on a bench.

“I’m okay… well, not really. But I’m not gonna have a panic attack right now.”

“That’s a good start. Can you tell me which part of the process are making you nervous?”

“I’m- I’m scared of the pain-“

Izzy nodded.

“I’m scared that- you won’t stop- if I’m in pain…”

Ed sat besides both of them, and puts his hand on Stede’s shoulder.

“That’s a fairly common thing to be nervous about. I hope we can make it as pleasant of an experience as going to the dentist can be.”

Izzy pointed at the X-rays.

“Your decay is starting to get into the sensitive part of the tooth, so we’ll numb you before so you don’t feel any pain.”

“Then” continued Ed, “once you can’t feel the right side of your mouth, we’ll get rid of the cavity with the drill and put the filling in place. It’s gonna be quick, half an hour maximum.”

“And if you feel any pain or need a break, just lift your hand and we’ll stop. Do you have any questions?”

Stede shook his head.

“Okay, you can sit on the chair whenever you’re ready.”

He obeyed.

“I’m lowering the chair now, it’s gonna move.”

Even with the warning, Ed could see Stede panic when the dental chair layed him flat. He instinctively grabbed Ed’s hand.

“You’re okay, you’re doing great baby.”

“Fuck, I think I’m gonna be sick-“

“Slow breath baby, I gotcha. Just close your eyes and focus on relaxing for now, okay?”

“Okay…”

Ed gently puts the hand that wasn’t holding Stede’s on his stomach, caressing him as he fell it rise and lower with each breath.

“When you’re ready, open as big as you can. Izzy is gonna put a bit of gel on your gum to numb the area so you won’t feel the needle.”

The mention of needles made Stede whimper, to which Ed answered by kissing his knuckles.

“You’ll be alright love, this will be over before you know it. Just the gel for now, nothing scary.”

Stede looked at Izzy, who was holding a q-tip looking thing coated in pink. Nothing scary. He could do that.

He opened his mouth slowly.

“A bit wider please.”

Embarrassed, he complied.

Izzy just placed the q-tip at the base on his tooth, coating the gel around a little bit.

“Okay, you can close now. Keep this against your gum, it’ll only take five minutes.”

“O’ay…”

“Good job, baby. You’ll see, Izzy knows what he’s doing. It’ll be painless.”

Stede’s heart kept pounding really fast despite Ed’s attempt at reassuring him. He wanted to believe him, to believe everything would be fine. But everything about this office reminded him of the pain, and he couldn’t calm down his fear.

“Do you need anything? I can get you one of your fidget toys, or your headphones if you need-“

“No, don’ ‘o p’ease!!”

Panicked, he grabbed on Ed’s arm harder.

“Stede, baby, I’m not going anywhere. I’m here. I was just gonna grab our bag, I’m not leaving you.”

“I jus’ need you, p’ease…”

“Okay, okay, it’s okay baby, I’m right here.”

He gently brushed the hair out of Stede’s face, and used his thumb to wipe the tear menacing to fall.

“Are you okay, Bonnet?”

Stede nodded, wiping his face in embarrassment.

“Can I check if you’re numb?”

Izzy had an explorer tool and a mirror in his hand. Nothing super scary, but Stede knew it would mean that the dreaded needle was next.

“He just want to make sure you don’t feel anything, baby. It’s okay.”

He complied, and opened his mouth. Izzy took the numbing gel out, and gently poked around his tooth.

“Raise your hand if you can feel any of that, okay?”

He didn’t feel anything, and was actually grateful when he realized that his tooth wasn’t hurting him anymore. But of course, this was temporary.

“Good, we can keep going. Do you need a short break?”

Stede tried not to look at the syringe lying on the tray, and nodded.

“Okay, try to relax.”

Easy for you to say, thought Stede.

“I’ll make a call in the meantime. I’ll be back.”

Izzy got out of the room, leaving Stede alone with his husband.

“How are you feeling?”

“Terrified. I’m not ready, Ed.”

“Is Izzy being here making it worse or better?”

“… better, actually. You were right, he’s really good. Don’t tell him I said that.”

Ed chuckled.

“I won’t, I promise. Listen sweetheart, you’re doing really good so far. And I get that it’s scary. But look how far you’ve come!”

“I didn’t do anything, Ed-“

“Bullshit. Tell me, what happened at your last appointment?”

Stede looked down, blushing.

“I- I ran away during the checkup. They didn’t even do any procedure, just… the sound of the electric toothbrush thing triggered me and I… I just left.”

“And here you are, after ten years of avoiding it, sitting in a dental chair and not running away.”

“I might.” He looked at the syringe again and cringed. “Actually, I’m strongly considering it right now.”

“You won’t, because you know you’ll just end up going back and do it all over. You want to be done with it.”

“Fuck, yes I do.”

“And I’ll be with you the whole way.”

Izzy came back, startling Stede.

“Ah- already…?”

“We can wait a bit more if you want, but I think it’s best to get it over with it before you freak out too much.”

“I know, but…”

Ed stand up, still holding both of Stede’s hands in one of his.

“Take the time to breathe, baby. You’re gonna close your eyes, and focus on breathing deeply through your nose the whole time. I want you to focus just on my voice and on your breathing, okay?”

Stede whined, but complied anyway. He tried really hard to focus on Ed’s deep and reassuring voice instead of the pointy, huge needle-

“Snap out of it Stede. Just my voice and your breathing. Deeeeeep breath in… and out. Again, deep breath in… and out. Good, you’re doing really well. Now, keep breathing just like that, and open as big as you can. Very good. You need to stay very still, focus on how the air fills your lungs. It’s just my voice and your breathing, nothing else.”

Stede felt a finger hooking his cheek and pulling a little. He started to panic and opened his eyes, but Ed’s right hand rested gently on his eyelids while the left one traced circles on Stede’s knuckles with his thumb.

“No looking, baby. Keep doing your breathing. It’s just my voice. Izzy is gonna give you the anesthetic, it will pinch a little and there will be a bit of pressure. It’s not gonna hurt. You just stay still, and take a big breath in…”

Stede could feel the pressure, the needle was in his gum right now-

“Very good baby, now a deep breath out. Keep going, just a few more seconds for me. You’re being so brave, love. Deep breath in…”

Finally, the pressure went away. Instead, the disgusting sound of the little vacuum tube replaced it in his mouth. Izzy took it out quickly after the taste of the anesthetic was rinsed away.

“… and out. You can close your mouth, you did the hardest part.”

Stede sighed in relief, and realized he has been crying. Horrified, he hid his face in his hands.

“Sorry, sorry- I-“

“You’re okay Stede, don’t worry.”

“It’s so stupid, it didn’t even hurt that bad- why am I crying-“

The quiet tears turned into ugly sobs that Stede quickly hid in Ed’s chest.

Coddled like a child because he’s crying at the dentist. Pathetic. Weak. His father was right-

“Remember what I told you before, Stede. You’re not punished. You are safe. I am with you the whole way, I love you and I care for you.”

“This is stupid… I am stupid! You didn’t sign up for this… I’m sorry, I’m sorry…”

“You’re smart and brilliant and the bravest man I know. You’re also traumatized and this is not your fault, you did nothing wrong. I’m here for you, okay?”

“Ed… Ed I want to go home… please I can’t, I can’t do this- please I’m sorry-“

Stede wasn’t able to listen to Ed trying to reassure him. He felt far from his body, and kept on thinking about his father over and over and over again-

“Bonnet. Listen to me, okay? Can you hear me?”

Between his sobs, Stede heard Izzy’s voice and remembered that they weren’t alone. He felt so ashamed.

Realizing that Izzy was waiting for an answer, he nodded.

“Good. Just focus on what I’m saying. Can you name five things you can see?”

Stede tried to focus his eyes on something else than his tears.

“I can see… my ring, your desk, the diploma in the wall- the-the water dispenser… and- the computer.”

“Now, tell me four thing you can feel.”

Stede needed to concentrate for this one.

“… Edward hugging me… the chair beneath me… my watch around my wrist and- and my socks around my ankles.”

“Very good. Three things you can hear?”

“…the air conditioner… Ed-Ed’s breathing… and- and the wind outside-“

“Two things you can smell?”

“Lavender essence oil, the one Ed puts on his clothes… and his conditioner…”

“And now, one thing you can taste.”

“…strawberry?” Stede said, confused.

Ed chuckled.

“You used the good stuff Iz? That’s nice of you.”

“The numbing cream is fruit flavored yes. Usually I use it for kids.”

“Oh.”

“Are you feeling better?”

The tears had stopped, and Stede felt tired but back in his body.

“I guess I do. Sorry-“

“It’s fine. Did we rushed you too much?”

“No, you did everything right- It didn’t even hurt, I’m just- being a baby-“

“Don’t be so hard on yourself. You made a huge step today, and dental phobia doesn’t heal itself in a day. We’ve done the hardest part already, but it’s up to you to keep going. You’re in control.”

Stede looked at both Ed and Izzy. He was given an escape and he wanted to take the opportunity so bad, to go home and cuddle and forget about everything that happened here. But he knew that if he chose to leave, going back will be even harder.

“I- I want to keep going.”

Ed kissed his forehead.

“It’s gonna be okay, love. Don’t worry. It’ll be nothing like when you were a kid.”

“Ed can- can I please have my headphones?”

“Of course baby.”

He handed Stede his teal noise canceling headphones. He would still be able to hear just fine, everything will just be turned down to a more manageable volume. And hopefully, it will prevent Stede from freaking out at the sound of the dreaded drill.

“You need anything else?”

“No. Just- stay with me. Please.”

Ed kissed his husband’s cheek.

“Wouldn’t dream of being anywhere else.”

Izzy was putting a drill bit inside the main instrument.

“I’m gonna use the tiny tip, and I’ll be really gentle” he reassured. “You’ll barely feel it. Edward is gonna help me to keep the suction in place-“

Stede must’ve looked really panicked, because Ed quickly added:

“I’ll still have a free hand. Don’t worry.”

Relieved, he sighed and relaxed a little bit.

“You’re numb, there shouldn’t be any pain. If you feel any discomfort, just raise your hand to tap out. Okay?”

“Okay…”

“I’m gonna turn it on now, just so you can hear the noise.”

Stede nodded, but still startled dramatically when the buzzing started. The thing wasn’t anywhere near his tooth, but too many awful memories were tied to this frightening hissing sound-

“Breathe, baby. Remember where you are. It’s just me and Izzy, right? And we’re taking good care of you. Nothing bad is gonna happen. I promised you you’ll be safe, and I’ll make good on that promise.”

Ed’s angelic voice brought him back to the present. He could do this. He could trust him.

“O-okay, I’m ready.”

Izzy turned the thing off before putting his mask over his nose.

“Alright, you know the drill by now-“ Ed giggled at his own joke, “open wide baby.”

As relaxed as he could managed, Stede opened his mouth.

“You can close your eyes, I won’t start without warning you.”

Stede complied, concentrating on Ed’s hand and not on the tools in his mouth…

“I’m turning it on. Don’t startle okay? Breathe through your nose.”

This time, his only reaction to the noise was to scrunch his face harder.

“Good. I’m gonna start to work on your tooth now. Remember, it shouldn’t be painful at all. Just pressure, and vibrations. That’s it.”

Poor Ed must have his fingers broken by that point, seeing how hard Stede was squeezing them.

“Here we go. Good job.”

It took a few seconds for Stede to realize his tooth was currently being drilled out. What?

That was it?

Really??

Yes, Izzy and Ed had told him it wouldn’t hurt, but Stede thought that it was just what dentists always said. He never realized that- it was really a thing, not being in agonizing pain while getting his tooth fixed. He couldn’t believe what little boy he was at the time had to endure…

Stede’s train of thoughts was interrupted by Izzy stopping the drill.

“Shit, you’re okay baby??”

Confused, Stede suddenly realized that he was crying.

“Did that hurt? Is this your anxiety? We can take a break-“

“I’m okay, Ed. Sorry, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“What happened?”

“I- I just- nothing bad, I just-“

He sniffed, and smiled.

“You were right. I can do this. I’m doing this. I never thought- that it could be- okay.”

Ed also smiled and got a tissue out of his pocket for Stede.

“I’m so fucking proud of you. You’re so fucking brave, you know that right? Thank you for trusting us. I’ll always take care of you, baby.”

With everything out of his system and another gentle squeeze of Ed’s hand for good mesure, Stede opened his mouth again to indicate to Izzy that he was good to keep going.

“It’s gonna be over in a few minutes. You’re doing great, Bonnet.”

He could get used to Izzy praising him. It felt weirdly nice.

The procedure started again, and even though it was still uncomfortable and stressful, Stede couldn’t believe that he didn’t feel pain at all.

When the noise became too much again and the flashbacks were menacing to resurface, he asked for a short break. Ed peppered him in kisses and praises until he was good to finish the last step.

“The drilling is all done. Now I just need to place the filling and you’ll be good to go.”

Already?

He was done?

“I told you babe, he’s good right?”

Stede nodded, impressed.

“Alright, you can open one last time. You’re doing great.”

As Izzy and Ed finished the filling, they took the time to explain every step. But to be honest, Stede was too exhausted to really pay attention. He was floating in that weird post anxiety stage where you’re too tired to think anymore.

“Stede?”

Stede opened his eyes. Ed had been talking to him, but he wasn’t listening.

He chuckled fondly.

“You’re all done, sleepyhead. No more dentist for today.”

Already?

“We can go home now?”

“Yes baby, we can go home. And I think you need a nap.”

He turned to Izzy, who was packing his stuff away.

“…Thank you for coming on a weekend, Izzy. And sorry for being difficult.”

“You’re welcome. You did really good today. I hope next time, you’ll be less nervous about coming here.”

“… let’s not get over ourselves here. We don’t need a next time.”

“You do realize that if you come to your regular checkups, you’ll avoid systematically associating going to the dentist with being in pain-“

“Alright! I think it’s time for us to go, Ed. Thanks again Izzy, bye!”

Izzy grumbled something, but Stede wasn’t listening as he dragged his husband out of the building.

They both entered the car, and Ed patted his back sympathetically.

“Look at you! You did it, baby. I knew you could! How do you feel?”

“My mouth is heavy.”

“That’ll wear off in a few hours, love.”

“And I’m tired. But, I’m fine. I’m glad it’s over though…”

“I’m so fucking proud of you. Fuck you stupid fucking father.”

Stede giggled.

“Yeah, fuck him.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

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“Open wide, mate.”

Izzy obeyed, trying his best to hide how nervous he was.

He winced when he felt Ed touching his molar with his tools.

“Sorry- that must hurt like a mother fucker. You should have seen a dentist sooner, Iz.”

“I know.” Said Izzy, once his mouth was free.

“I could give you a temporary filling today, so you’re not in pain anymore. But you’ll need to come back for a crown.”

“Okay…”

“When was the last time you saw a dentist, mate?”

“I don’t know. You’re my dentist, you should know right?”

Ed just looked at him for a few uncomfortable seconds.

“You never went to another doctor…? During all this time?”

“I suppose, yes.”

“Fuck, Iz- why?”

Because you hated me, and you were too busy with your new fucking boyfriend, and I don’t trust anyone else but you.

That’s what Izzy wanted to say. But his lips stayed closed, in an attempt to keep the last of his dignity intact.

“Well- doesn’t matter, I guess. You’re here now, that’s what’s important.”

The dental chair laid back, putting Izzy in a horizontal position. He instinctively grabbed the arms of the chair tighter.

“I’m gonna give you the first needle now, okay?”

“First…?”

Ed took a syringe, and Izzy tried his best not to look at it.

“Sorry, I know you don’t like it, but it’s a pretty big cavity and back teeth are a pain in the ass to numb.”

“How many, Ed?”

“Two, to start.”

“Fucking hell…”

“Breathe deep, Iz. Close your eyes and open your mouth… here we go, good boy…”

The fucking needle stayed in Izzy’s gum for so long, and he left an embarrassing whimper as the burn of the medicine was injected into his jaw.

“I know, I know… it’s gonna be over soon, just three, two, one aaaand… all done. Good job, Iz. You can spit now.”

“Fuck.”

“Second one now, open up.”

Izzy was trembling like a leaf. He hoped that Edward couldn’t see that.

“Sorry, this one’s gonna suck for a minute. Concentrate on your breathing, and try not to move…”

He actually left out a sob when he felt the stab in his palate. Fuck, it hurts so bad-

“I’m sorry, I know… breathe, Izzy. You’re being so so good right now, I’m sorry.”

He begged internally for his tears not to fall, but he felt so small and so vulnerable laid down on this fucking chair, and he was so fucking scared-

“One more second aaand… I’m done, you can rince your mouth.”

“Fucking hell…”

“I know, it’s not fun. But you did the hard part.”

Izzy wanted to go home. He was stressed out of his mind, embarrassed beyond repair, and had to face his years of dental neglect with his ex husband because he freaked out if someone else touches his teeth. What a fucking nightmare.

“Try to relax, mate.”

“I’m fucking trying.”

“Do you want a sedative pill? I can give you some for the anxiety.”

“No. I’m fine, I don’t need it.”

Ed looked like he was about to insist, but decided against it.

“As you wish.”

Once again, Izzy tried his best not to look as Ed prepared his tools for the procedure. He did not need to know what kind of torture instruments were gonna be in his mouth.

“How’re you feeling, Iz? Mouth getting numb yet?”

“…yes, I think.”

“Good. Open?”

He obeyed, and Ed poked around the infected tooth.

“Do you feel any of that?”

He shook his head.

“Alright. I’m gonna start the drill then, don’t freak out okay?”

Izzy closed his eyes tightly. The whirring sound was really unnerving, but he knew he needed to stay calm. He was a grown man, he could get a stupid filling done-

Suddenly, a sharp pain forced him to whine embarrassingly. Ed stopped, a worried look on his face.

“Did that hurt?”

Izzy sniffed and took a deep breath.

“…yes.”

“Shit, I’m sorry. I’ll give you more anesthetic.”

The look on Izzy’s face must have been really pathetic, because Ed squeezed his shoulder reassuringly.

“Sorry mate. Sometimes people need a bit more. It’ll be okay, you won’t feel this one as much.”

He grabbed another fucking syringe.

“Open?”

Izzy obliged and was stabbed once more. This time, he managed to avoid making any noise indicating his discomfort.

“Good job, Iz. Almost done and… okay, all finished. Wasn’t that bad, was it?”

He didn’t answer. He just wanted to be over with this.

After a few minutes, Ed grabbed the fucking drill again. Izzy defeatedly opened his mouth again.

“Here we go again. Let me know if you feel anything.”

The horrible sound started again. It dug into his tooth, and after a few seconds…

Izzy sobbed painfully,and was raising his trembling hand.

Ed stopped.

“Still hurts?”

He nodded, whipping away the tear that escaped.

“Fuck, I’m sorry…”

“Ed, I don’t want another fucking shot-“

“I don’t want you to be in pain, Iz…”

The fucker had the nerve to look hurt. Like he was the one in the fucking chair-

“Fuck. Fuck, promise me it’ll be the last one.”

“Iz-“

“Please, Edward.”

“I won’t give you another one if you don’t want to, but I don’t want to hurt you.”

You already have, thought Izzy. In so many ways.

“Okay. Fuck, go ahead.”

The needle was less painful than the last three, so Izzy was hopeful that it was working. But fuck, it still fucking sucks.

“Good job, you’re so brave Iz.”

“Don’t baby me, Edward.”

Ed giggled, before grabbing once again his fucking drill.

“Whenever you’re ready.”

Izzy sighed, and opened his mouth.

Despite the awful noise, the drilling was fine at first, and Izzy finally relaxed a little.

But then, a sharp pain brought him back to reality. It must have hit a nerve or something, but suddenly all he could feel was the fucking pain.

He tried to ignore it, he could handle it, he was fine- but Ed stopped.

“Izzy?”

Fuck. Fuck, he was crying.

“Does it still hurt?? Why didn’t you raise your hand?”

He was full on sobbing at the dentist. At this point, Izzy didn’t gave a shit about his pride and looked at Ed with pleading eyes.

“Please, you said no more needles-“

“Calm down Izzy, you’re gonna be fine-“

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I was bad. I should’ve come here sooner. I fucked up. Please…”

Ed rubbed Izzy’s shoulder, looking panicked.

“Izzy, baby, look at me. You’re okay. I’m sorry, I don’t want you to be in pain- I know this is stressful for you, but I can help so please listen to me.”

Izzy took a shaky deep breath and tried to focus on Ed.

“There are a few things that can explain the anesthesia not working. I think for you, it’s your anxiety.”

Well, fuck.

“My offer still stands, I really think you could use some meds to calm you down.”

Izzy whimpered, panicked.

“It just to help you relax. It doesn’t make you fall asleep or anything. I promise you, I just want to help. I know this can make you feel better.”

There was no use arguing with Ed, and Izzy knew it.

“O-okay…”

“Good boy. I’ll go fetch the pills.”

Izzy swallowed the anxiety meds, and focused on Ed’s hand caressing his arm.

“Stay still, breathe slowly. You’ll start to feel loopy in a little bit.”

His body started to relax after a moment, and Izzy could feel his mouth becoming heavier.

“Open wide, Iz. We’re gonna try again, okay? And please raise your hand if something feels wrong.”

The buzzing resumed. Izzy tensed up. He waited for the agony to continue, but this time the pain was bearable.

He tried not to think about his rotten tooth being dug out in order not to be nauseous.

“You’re doing so good, Iz. Good job.”

He missed Ed talking to him like this. Reassuring him, coddling him. He never deserved it, but it felt nice.

His tooth felt more and more hot and pulsing. Izzy wanted to gag.

“I’m almost done. Just hang on for a few more minutes, okay? You’re being really brave.”

He wasn’t brave at all. He couldn’t even handle the pain, despite it being deserved for neglecting his health.

“Are you okay?”

He was crying again. Fucking crybaby.

“Just a little bit more, Iz. Can you handle it for me? I’m almost done, I just need to remove the last bit of decay…”

He wanted it to stop, he felt like the sound of the drill was piercing into his hears, his jaw ached, he wanted to go home-

“…-zy? Izzy?”

Ed had stopped again. He was looking at Izzy with concern once more. Fuck.

“It still hurts, doesn’t it?”

Izzy couldn’t meet his eyes. He was so ashamed.

“Let’s take a short break, mate.”

“Im sorry-“

“Iz, it’s fine. I just wish you would tell me if you’re hurt.”

He didn’t knew what to say back. Why the fuck did Ed looks so hurt?

“… I could try to give you another needle, but I’m almost done. It’ll only take five minutes to finish the drilling part. It’s up to you.”

“I don’t want another needle. It’s fine, I can handle it.”

Ed didn’t look convinced, but didn’t say anything.

“Okay, take your time to calm down and we’ll continue when you’re read-“

Izzy opened his mouth before Ed could finish his sentence. He wanted this to be over.

“Oh- okay. If you’re sure…”

And the drilling started again.

Izzy’s knuckles turned white as he was grabbing the armrest with all his strength.

“Hang in there, Iz. You’re doing great.”

He took a shaky deep breath, and stared at the clock on the wall. Five minutes, he could do five minutes.

“Almost there. You’re being such a good boy. I’m sorry, it’s almost over.”

He whined, trying to focus on Ed’s words.

“Good job, you’re so so brave. Breathe through your nose, I’m almost done. Just a few more seconds…”

When the drill finally stopped, Izzy was a snotty tear covered mess. His head hurts, he felt tired.

“It’s done, you’re done Iz. I’m sorry, I didn’t want to hurt you. Now I’ll just need to fill the cavity and you’ll be free to go.”

Izzy was so exhausted that he was on autopilot mode. While Ed finished his job on Izzy’s tooth, he couldn’t handle the fatigue anymore and fell asleep.

🦷 🦷 🦷

“Welcome back, snoozy boy.”

Izzy opened his eyes. He was laid down on a sofa, a weighted blanket on his back.

“…where the fuck am I…”

“At my place. You were so out, you needed the rest really bad. Here, I got you an ibuprofen.”

He pointed to a pill and a glass of water that Izzy gladly took.

“Where’s Bonnet?”

“On a business trip all week. It’s just me.”

“Sorry for the trouble… I’m going home now.”

“It’s okay, you can stay. You’re not bothering, and I would rather not have you stay alone to be honest.”

Izzy really didn’t want to be alone neither.

“…are you sure?”

“Of course mate. I care for you, you know. Besides, I kind of owe you. Since I put you through a lot of pain today…”

He brushed a stand of Izzy’s hair behind his ear.

“What do you think? Will you let me take care of you tonight?”

There’s nothing that Izzy wanted more right now.

“…alright, I’ll stay.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

🦷 🦷 🦷

Lucius was having a really shitty day today, and that was saying something because he was pretty used to shitty days by now.

But he got into a fight with his mom on his way to school, and had to spent the whole class trying not to spill the frustrated tears that were menacing to fall.

It was stupid, really. Something about her barging into his room without knocking. The real problem was that Lucius couldn’t ever confront her about these kind of things, because she immediately became upset and started to lecture him about not having to hide anything from his mother. She just couldn’t understand the difference between trust and basic fucking intimacy…

Then, some asshole kids in his class were making fun of him. He was used to it, being an effeminate gay teen in a small town. But it still stings every time.

And now, he had to go to his dentist appointment and of course, he missed the bus which meant he’ll be late.

Fucking shitty day.

🦷 🦷 🦷

“Hi! Sorry I’m late, I had an appointment at  three-“

The secretary looked up at Lucius, who was sweating and panting his ass off.

“It’s okay, the doctors are usually late as well don’t worry. What’s your name?”

“Lucius Spriggs.”

“Alright, you can go in the waiting room now Lucius. And have a glass of water, you look exhausted.”

“Thank you…”

He helped himself to the water dispenser, and tried to catch his breath. Ugh, he really wasn’t cut out for running or any physical activities for that matter…

“Mister Spriggs?”

Lucius raised his head, and was met by a middle aged blond man smiling at him.

“Uh, yes?”

“Nice to meet you, my name is Stede Bonnet. I’ll be taking care of you today.”

Confused, Lucius looked around him.

“Wait, I had an appointment with doctor Read-“

“Didn’t you received the email? She’s currently on maternity leave, I’m taking care of her appointments until she’s back.”

No, he didn’t knew about that. But his mother probably did. She must not have thought to tell him about it, obviously…

“Is everything okay, mister Spriggs? I’m sorry for the misunderstanding.”

“No, it’s- fine. Just… didn’t expect that.”

Doctor Bonnet smiled sympathetically, before indicating the door of one of the exam room.

“Shall we?”

He follow the dentist into the room, feeling really nervous. He had the same doctor since he was small, and it was really stressful to suddenly having to trust someone new…

Just another shitty part of his already shitty day.

“You can go sit down now, make yourself comfortable.”

Tense as can be, Lucius tried his best to look relaxed as he sat on the chair.

“So, Lucius- are you okay with me calling you Lucius?”

“Yeah- yes, it’s fine.”

“Great. Feel free to call me Stede. So, Lucius, you’re here for a checkup right?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Anything I should know before we start? Do you have any pain or discomfort in particular?”

“Not really-“

Doctor Bonnet raised his head from his computer.

“What do you mean?”

“Well- it’s probably nothing, but one of my front tooth bothers me sometimes.”

“Alright, thanks for letting me know.”

He puts on teal latex gloves, and grabbed his tools.

“Let’s have a look, shall we ?”

Lucius looked at the ceiling and opened his mouth.

“Good job. I’m just looking and taping lightly at your teeth, if anything feels uncomfortable just raise your hand.”

The dentist hummed as he examined his mouth, and Lucius tried his best to be comfortable.

He was not a little kid anymore, it was honestly so embarrassing to be that tense just for a dental checkup…

Suddenly, Lucius raised his hand as doctor Bonnet scrapped at a sore spot.

“I’m sorry, did that hurt?”

He nodded and tried to say “a little bit”, but one can only prononce that many sound when there’s fingers in your mouth.

“Mmh… the gum seems a bit red… but otherwise there’s no sign of decay on the tooth. Let’s take an X-ray.”

“Okay…”

Lucius bit on the large piece of plastic as instructed by doctor Bonnet, and looked anxiously at him while he examined it on his computer. He looked really confused.

“Lucius, when was the last time you went to see doctor Read?”

Oh no, this was bad wasn’t it??

“… about… three years ago?”

“So you were twelve at the time, correct?”

He nodded.

“That would explain why she didn’t took care of that…”

“What is it…?”

He turned the screen off his computer to face Lucius, and pointed to the top.

“Look, you can see one of your tooth under the gum, and it’s being blocked from coming out. You still have one of your baby teeth.”

Lucius wanted to hide in a hole and disappear. That was the most embarrassing thing that could happen.

“It’s- I’m sorry, what?”

“That’s what has been causing you pain. Usually, kids looses their baby teeth until thirteen maximum. We need to take care of that soon.”

“Take care of that…?”

“We need to extract the top one so your adult tooth can grow in.”

Extract??

“Don’t worry, you’ll be numb during the whole thing. It’s gonna be really quick.”

“Oh… okay…”

“Are your parents here? We can take the appointment right now if you-“

“No, that’s fine” quickly said Lucius. “I’ll- they will call you. They’re working right now.”

“Oh okay. That’s fine. Do you want me to give you more informations about the procedure?”

Lucius shook his head. The least he would know, the more he could try not to freak out.

“Alright. Let’s just get done with the cleaning and you’ll be free, okay?”

“Yes, fine-“

For a few more minutes there were fingers and tools in his mouth again. His gums bled because of course he doesn’t floss (who has time for that), but other than that it went without trouble.

“All done. You did really good, Lucius.”

“Thanks…”

The dentist smiled for a second before looking weirdly worried.

“Can I ask you something? I wouldn’t want to overstep, but I’m a bit concerned.”

“Y-yes?”

“Is there any reason in particular that you didn’t saw a dentist in three years?”

Lucius looked down, ashamed.

“I don’t mean to lecture you, don’t worry. But for a young boy like you, it’s surprising that your parents wouldn’t-“

“Sorry doctor Bonnet, I-I really need to go. Thank you. Uh. Good bye.”

Without letting him the time to answer, Lucius flew out the cabinet. Everyone in the waiting room looked at him weird as he nervously left.

Fucking shitty day.

🦷 🦷 🦷

Lucius was cursed. He had to be.

For the third time this month, he was punished in his room without eating dinner.

All because his father found out he wore nail polish at school today.

Fuck. It was so unfair.

This asshole didn’t even bother to come home for his son’s birthday, he probably doesn’t remember the date anyway, but he sure as hell was here the only time Lucius wanted to try something different with his style.

Why did other people get to have caring parents?

Why was he stuck here?

He cried so much that his skull throbbed painfully, but he couldn’t care less. He was so sick of everything.

Next to him, his phone buzzed.

Fuck.

It was the dental clinic.

Why the fuck would they call that late.

Sure, he had ghosted their calls for two weeks now. But for whatever reason, now that he was covered his snot and that his eyes were red and puffy, he decided to answer the call.

“Hello?” He said, attempting not to let his voice tremble too much.

“Good evening Lucius! It’s me, Stede. I’m sorry for the late call, I hope I’m not interrupting your dinner?”

On cue, Lucius’s stomach grumbled angrily.

“No, it’s okay.”

“Good! So, I wanted to call you because I couldn’t help but notice that your parents never made a follow up appointment.”

Of course they didn’t. Lucius never told them about it.

“Y-yeah, they must’ve forgot. Sorry about that.”

“That’s okay! Are they here right now?”

“No, it’s just me.”

“Oh, sorry. I can call you another time if you prefer. Or maybe you can give me their number so-“

“Can I take the appointment myself…?”

There was a few seconds of silence, and Lucius hoped the doctor couldn’t hear his heartbeat through the phone.

“Oh- yes, of course! Are you free Wednesday afternoon?”

“This Wednesday…?”

Lucius bit his lips. He had to do this anyway, better get it over with.

“Yes, this Wednesday is fine.”

“Wonderful! Wednesday at 3pm, I’ll see you then. Take care of yourself, Lucius!”

“Thank you. Bye.”

“Have a great weekend, bye!”

He hung up, and took a deep breath. Right now, the prospect of getting a tooth pulled sounded way more enjoyable than being in this house.

🦷 🦷 🦷

On Wednesday, Lucius was crying in the waiting room.

He was tired of crying all the time.

But he couldn’t hold it any longer today.

Some fucking bullies at school pushed him so hard that Lucius had hit his face on the ground. The guys mocked him, and no one around them asked if he was okay. No one cared.

He usually could handle kids being mean, but this was a whole new level and Lucius was terrified.

Was there something wrong with him?

There must be, right?

“Hello!…oh- Lucius? Are you okay?”

Fuck.

Lucius kept his face in his hands, unable to face Stede right now.

He felt a warm hand on his shoulder, and a soft voice speaking to him.

“It’s gonna be alright, Lucius. Come on, follow me. We’ll have more privacy in my office, okay? We’re gonna calm down.”

He obeyed and let himself be led by Stede, sobbing besides him like a baby. A stupid baby with a stupid baby tooth.

Stede made him sat down on his office chair, and kept rubbing his hand on Lucius’s shoulder. It shouldn’t feel this nice, but he leaned into the touch. He needed affection so bad.

“You poor thing… it’s alright, let it all out. You’re okay.”

Lucius sniffed, tried to apologize, at least explain-

“It’s perfectly understandable to be nervous. But I will take care of you, okay? I’m gonna be really gentle, I promise.”

Oh-

Of course, the dentist assumed he cried because he was scared-

That’s okay with him, at least he won’t have to explain himself.

“You’re really brave. To have come here all by yourself? That’s already a huge step. You can be proud of you.

“Thank- thank you…”

Lucius finally looked Stede in the eyes, and regretted instantly as he remembered the burning on his cheek.

“Oh- what happened??”

“It’s- it’s nothing. I fell during P-E.”

Stede didn’t looked convinced in the slightest, but he didn’t push it.

“Don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

He got up, and fetched a small box on the shelf next to them.

He opened it, and Lucius saw that it was a first aid kit.

“You don’t have to…“

Stede gave him a small smile.

“I know. But I want to help. Even if it’s only a little bit. Will you let me?”

Lucius hesitantly nodded.

Stede was very gentle as he dabbed the antiseptic soaked cotton to the small cut under his eye.

“It might sting a bit.”

Has anyone ever been so kind to him before? Was it normal to want your dentist to hug you and tell you you’re going to be okay? Lucius wasn’t sure anymore.

Stede had placed a bandaid on his cheek, then pressed a cooling pad against it; which instantly made Lucius sight with relief.

“Thank you…”

“You’re very welcome.”

After a few too many seconds of incredibly awkward silence, Lucius sighed.

“Can we get on with it and never talk about this again please…?”

“If you’re not feeling well, we can reschedule today’s appointment-“

“If I don’t get it done today, I don’t think I’ll ever come back here. I-I’m really embarrassed…”

Stede was still smiling so softly.

“As you wish. But you have nothing to be embarrassed about, okay?”

“Yeah…”

Without making eye contact, Lucius went to sat on the dental chair.

“Okay Lucius. Do you need anything before we start? Water, some music?”

“No, it’s okay…”

Stede hummed, and lowered the chair so Lucius laid completely horizontal.

“Have you ever had a tooth extraction before?”

He shook his head.

“Now, I know it sounds intimidating. But this shouldn’t be too long, and it should be painless.”

Right as he said that, he grabbed a huge syringe. Lucius whimpered.

“Is this a bad time to tell you I’m terrified of needles…?”

“I understand, it seems scary but it looks way worse than it actually is. I’ll be really gentle, and you’ll just feel a tiiiiny prick.”

“Okay…”

Lucius must not have looked convinced, because Stede was putting the needle back and went to search something in his bag.

“I think I have something that might help.”

“…what-“

“Ah! There you are…”

He came back and handed Lucius a rabbit stuffed animal. He looked back at Stede, puzzled.

“This is Daisy. If you hug her really close, she takes all your fears away.”

“Doctor, I’m fifteen, I’m not a little kid you know…”

“I know. But let me tell you a secret: Daisy is my best friend. She helped me get through difficult times in my life, and no matter how old I get she’s always here for me.”

He patted the bunny’s head.

“Now, she can take care of you too.”

He sat on his stool, and Lucius held on to the plushy tighter.

“Close your eyes, and open your mouth.”

He obeyed.

“There’s a good lad. You’re doing great. Just a little pinch.”

And when he felt the dreaded needle stabbing him, Lucius whined a bit too loud.

He should feel ashamed, to act like such a baby-

“I’m so sorry, my poor boy. I know it’s not fun, but you’re doing so good. Almost done… you’re so brave.”

…but he weirdly didn’t mind being treated like a kid by his strange and gentle dentist.

“And… all done! You did it! I told you Daisy would take care of you.”

Lucius left out a breath he hadn’t realized he was holding.

“Now let’s relax while your mouth falls asleep.”

“…okay…”

Mindlessly, he caressed the stuffed animal in his arms. It did make him feel better. It was nice, to indulge in this childlike behavior.

Besides him, doctor Bonnet was preparing his tools for the next part of the procedure. He hummed to himself. Lucius was so intrigued by this strange man.

“Do you have children, doctor Bonnet?”

He looked at Lucius, surprised by the question. Lucius was a bit surprised at himself for asking.

“Yes I have. A boy and a girl. But I don’t see them that often nowadays, they live with their mother and step dad.”

“Oh- I’m sorry-“

“It’s okay, it’s better for everybody. Our mariage wasn’t working at all. I had a midlife crisis, realized I was gay and we had an amiable divorce.”

Lucius looked for something to say.

“…you’re gay?”

Fuck, that was stupid-

“I am, yes. Happily engaged with a wonderful man.”

“Oh- that’s great! Congratulations, doctor!”

He smiled gently at Lucius.

“Thank you, Lucius. I’m really grateful.”

He puts his hand on Lucius’s shoulder.

“One thing I’ve learned over the years, is that it gets better.”

Lucius wanted to cry again…

“Shall we begin? Your mouth must feel pretty numb right now.”

Oh. Right. The tooth extraction stuff.

“Uh- yeah, I guess-“

“Open?”

He obeyed, Daisy still tightly into his arms.

Doctor Bonnet poked around his tooth, and Lucius confirmed that he didn’t feel anything.

“Okay. Close your eyes now, and take deep breaths.”

Poor Daisy, Lucius hoped he wasn’t hurting her by squishing her like that.

His heart was beating so fast. This was going to suck, it was gonna be so painful-

“Breathe, Lucius. There’s a good lad.”

He tried to concentrate on his breathing as much as possible.

“There you go. You’re doing great. I will be really gentle, I promise. You’re going to feel pressure now, alright?”

He felt his tooth being tugged, swayed slowly from side to side to loosen it up. Lucius tensed.

“That’s right, just a few seconds now. It’s not gonna be comfortable, but it’s gonna be quick. Try to stay still, okay?”

The pressure was getting more and more intense, Lucius whined. He was so fucking scared, it started to hurt-

“Just an instant and… there we go.”

…it was over. Doctor Bonnet was putting gauze in Lucius’s empty socket.

“How are you feeling?”

“…al’ight…”

“Not as bad as you thought, right? The anticipation is always worst. But you can be proud of you.”

He patted Lucius’s shoulder.

“You were really brave, Lucius.”

He tried not to cry.

“You did the hard part, now I just need to clean the socket and you can go home.”

…home…

“Open one last time, please.”

🦷 🦷 🦷

“Alright, you’re all done.”

Stede took the time to explain all that he needed to do in the next few days to avoid infection, and prescribed him painkillers for when the anesthesia wears off.

Lucius tried to pay attention, but he was getting anxious. He was scared of going home, and he didn’t want to go to school tomorrow.

“Is everything okay?”

“Yea-yes, sorry.”

“Okay, remember that you can always call me if you’re in pain or if anything feels off, okay?”

“Yes, thank you doctor.”

Doctor Bonnet smiled.

Lucius remembered what he told him earlier. It gets better.

He really wanted to believe him.

He won’t live with his parents forever, he won’t be dealing with bullies forever. Doctor Bonnet was right. It will get better.

“Doctor…?”

“Yes, Lucius?”

“Can I… next time, instead, can-“

He fidgeted with his hands. Why was he so nervous??

“I want… can you be my dentist from now on? Even when Doctor Read comes back, I mean-“

That was stupid. He would probably say no, that it was up to his parents, that he couldn’t decide-

“Oh, of course Lucius. That’s no problem at all. Let’s just make the change with the secretary, okay?”

Lucius smiled, relieved.

“Thank you…”

“No worries. Shall we?”

For the first time in a long time, Lucius felt hopeful. Life might suck right now, but nice people existed and everything will get better.

This day wasn’t as shitty as he had seemed this morning.

🦷 🦷 🦷

Chapter Text

I’ve decided that this fic was getting too crowded, so I’m gonna upload the chapters individually
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