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Min Yoongi didn’t believe in love. Or maybe believe wasn’t the correct word. Love wasn’t something supernatural that could exist or not based on what he believed. He knew love existed and what it did to people; he knew it all too well. But more importantly, he knew what people did to each other once the love faded and it turned into hatred.
Yoongi’s most vivid childhood memories consisted of his father being the worst possible husband and father; when his mother finally found the courage to divorce him, his father played the victim and won everything there was to win, including partial custody. Now, quite some time later, Yoongi himself was a divorce lawyer making sure that no one was going to lose everything just because of a person they used to love.
So. He didn’t believe in the beauty of romantic love or the necessity of it; he didn’t believe anyone could change his mind about that either.
Jeon Jeongguk proved him wrong.
♡
The first time Yoongi met Jeongguk was in the elevator of their apartment complex. He had just finished an exhausting day at court and was looking forward to drinking a nice glass of whiskey when a young man with a basket full of folded laundry hurried into the elevator. It felt like Yoongi’s tired brain was struck by lightning, when their eyes met.
The man was the most beautiful person, Yoongi had ever seen. His face was pretty and handsome at the same time. He had big brown eyes, pouty lips, and dark hair that was tied into a half-ponytail. He was what Yoongi imagined an angel looked like.
“Hi,” he smiled, showing off his bunny teeth. He reached out to press the button for his floor, but his hand froze mid-air. “Oh, we’re on the same floor. I don’t think we’ve met yet. I’m Jeon Jeongguk, I moved in a couple of weeks ago.”
“Min Yoongi,” he replied shortly, his brain still trying to catch up with the present. Was he imagining things or did this Jeongguk smell incredibly nice? Suddenly, he thought that the elevator getting stuck right here right now would be a lovely idea.
Alas, the elevator did not get stuck and brought them safely to the fifth floor. Yoongi stood in front of his apartment 503 and waited until Jeongguk had reached the door of 508. When Jeongguk realized that Yoongi hadn’t entered his apartment yet, he turned around and gave him a small wave and smile, before punching his code into the keypad.
Soon enough, Yoongi was left alone in the hallway, bumping his forehead into the door. “Wow,” he whispered to himself, his heart thumping fast in his chest.
So this was love.
♡
It took Yoongi a couple of elevator and hallway meet-ups until he found the courage in himself to ask Jeongguk out. One of the reasons Yoongi hadn’t really believed in love was because he had never really found himself attracted to anyone; it made him feel as if the concept of romance, in general, was fake. But there Jeongguk was. The living proof that Yoongi did not have a heart of stone and that maybe the poets were right after all.
Yoongi didn’t just think that Jeeongguk was pretty. He wanted to take him out, to wine and dine him, and to really get to know him. He wanted to know about his hopes and dreams. He wanted to know what songs he sang in the shower and how he cooked his ramen. He wanted to know all of the small things that made him Jeongguk. He had never felt that intensely about someone before.
“Ah, wait, Jeongguk-ah, I wanted to ask you something.” Yoongi reached out and gently wrapped a hand around Jeongguk’s arm. His neighbor immediately stopped walking and turned around, one hand already removing the headphones from his ears. “I know we haven’t spoken that much, but I just wanted to ask whether you’d like to go out with me? On a date?”
Jeongguk’s eyes widened and his mouth fell open. For a few seconds, no sound came out. “Oh, I’m-” He pulled his lips into an apologetic smile, and Yoongi felt his heart break already. “I don’t wanna say no, believe me. But I just- You know with classes and work and studying, I just don’t think I have the time. I promised myself uni would be my top priority and-”
“It’s fine,” Yoongi interrupted him softly, the hand that was still on Jeongguk’s arm rubbed his skin gently. He couldn’t blame Jeongguk, he once had been a student as well. Law school had kicked his ass for multiple years and his friends had oftentimes found him sleeping at the library. “If you ever change your mind… or if you just would like to make a new friend, you know where to find me.”
“Thank you, hyung,” Jeongguk replied, pouting a little. “I really wish I could- Ah, anyway, have a good night.”
With a smile, Yoongi nodded at Jeongguk before he turned to his apartment door. “Good night to you too.”
♡
The day after the non-rejection it was raining cats and dogs. If Yoongi hadn’t noticed it by the sound of the rain drops hitting his windows, he certainly knew when he stepped into the hallway and found Jeongguk stepping out of the elevator; completely drenched. They made eye contact and Yoongi watched as Jeongguk let out a deep sigh before he continued to walk down the hallway to his apartment.
“No umbrella?” he asked teasingly, but Jeongguk only shook his head defeatedly.
He wiped his wet hands on his wet pants and reached out to put in his key code. “No, I think I forgot mine at the library once and then someone stole it from the lost and found.”
One day later, Jeongguk found an umbrella leaning against the door of his apartment, with a little sticky note attached to it saying “to keep you dry -myg.”
And just like that, the two of them started exchanging post-it notes, leaving messages on each other’s doors. While Jeongguk’s notes included hasty doodles, Yoongi usually ended up leaving little gifts on his doormat as well - a cup of ramen, granola bars, and sweets.
They still ran into each other in the hallway even if it was usually at odd times or when one of them had to hurry.
Over the course of two months, Yoongi learned a few things about Jeongguk and his life. Jeongguk was 23 years old and a literature major at the university. He usually took morning classes so that he could work as a bartender during the night and sleep for most of the day. His favorite genre was romance and he loved slow-burn stories where it took the characters chapters upon chapters to realize they were in love.
Yoongi thought that Jeongguk was handsome and clever and he had never met someone who was this attractive in such an adorable way. Usually, he found people hot or sexy maybe, but Jeon Jeongguk was in a very different league. Sure, he was hot but he was also cute and precious.
He was, however, not always good at taking care of himself. With how tightly packed his schedule was at all times, he didn’t always have time to cook a proper meal for himself. Yoongi could understand that of course, but that didn’t mean he wanted to continue watching it.
At first, Yoongi left some of his leftover food at Jeongguk’s door when he knew he would get back home soon. But after a couple of weeks of that, he realized that maybe it would be easiest to just ask Jeongguk to come over and have dinner with him. Not like a date, of course. As a way for friends to spend time together.
After Jeongguk had rejected him Yoongi couldn’t lie and say that he never thought about dating Jeongguk anymore or that he hadn’t hoped from time to time that he would change his mind. Still, Jeongguk was important to him. He wanted to be there for him in any way that Jeongguk would allow.
♡
“So it’s not a date?”
Yoongi shot an exasperated look at his phone where he was on a call with Seokjin. “It’s not.”
“But you do like him?”
“Hyung, come on,” Yoongi mumbled as he concentrated on cutting the onions on his kitchen counter. Jeongguk was coming over to have dinner in half an hour, and if Seokjin kept distracting him, the stew would not be ready by then. “I can like a guy and still wanna be friends with him.”
Seokjin snorted. “Yeah, but it’s weird.”
“It’s weird that I like someone?”
For a second, Seokjin stayed silent before he sighed. “I mean… no, not weird, it’s just… listen, I have been friends with you for almost twenty years and you were always very vocal about how you think love is bullshit. I love you, but it isn’t all that fun whenever I want to introduce you to one of my partners and I can just feel you thinking about how you think we’re just gonna crash and burn.” He sighed again. “All I’m saying is that this is also a big change for me. I am super happy for you, though.”
Staring into the pot on his stove, Yoongi clenched his jaw. He knew that Seokjin was only being truthful. He was just as confused by his sudden attraction to Jeongguk as well. His opinion about love hadn’t magically changed just because he wanted to be close to Jeongguk.
He knew that love started out good. Love was full of happy, hopeful beginnings and heartbreaking, desperate endings. He still believed that love was the one thing that ruined people. More importantly, it was the fading of love that was the problem - and love was just an emotion, it could easily fade. That was just a fact.
But Jeongguk… something about the young man made Yoongi care less. So what if romantic love was all a big hoax? Yoongi would gladly let Jeongguk break his heart. More than that, he wanted Jeongguk to be the one to fix his heart, though - to show him that romantic love was good after all. If anyone could do that, it was Jeon Jeongguk.
“It’s not like we’re gonna date, anyway,” Yoongi said eventually as he tried the stew, trying to figure out whether he needed to add more gochujang. “He’s busy with life and… he probably doesn’t even like me like that. I mean, I am kind of a grump.
“Ah, Yoongichi, don’t be like that,” Seokjin replied quickly, his voice all whiny. “You’re an amazing friend, so I can only imagine you’d be an amazing partner to anyone who’d have you.”
Yoongi smiled, his heart feeling warm. He was glad he had opened up to Seokjin about his feelings about Jeongguk. He knew his hyung would never judge him. He picked up his phone. “Thank you, hyung. I’m gonna call you again tomorrow, okay? I need to clean the apartment a little until Jeongguk gets here.”
There was a hum on the other side of the line. “Alright, take care.”
Jeongguk had been at Yoongi’s place to share a meal a couple of times now, so he didn’t necessarily need to clean every inch of his apartment. But it was a great way to distract him while the stew was simmering on the stove. He wasn’t really all that nervous either, just excited to have a nice dinner.
When Yoongi sent Jeongguk a text message about dinner being ready, it only took a minute before there was a knock on his door.
“Hi.” Yoongi didn’t know how Jeongguk managed to make sweatpants and a big shirt look this divine. His hair was still a little damp from a shower so he had tied it up in a loose bun.
“Hi.” Jeongguk smiled sheepishly and stepped into the apartment. “Thank you for making dinner for me.”
Laughing, Yoongi closed the door behind Jeongguk. “You don’t have to thank me every time.”
“No, I really do.” Yoongi wanted to laugh again, but Jeongguk didn’t look like he was joking. “Thank you for taking the time to- I just want you to know I’m really grateful.”
He didn’t really know what to respond, so he only nodded and motioned for Jeongguk to sit down at the table. It had always come naturally to him to look after his friends and his mother, so this wasn’t something he minded. He didn’t need to be thanked for it - but he appreciated it nonetheless.
When Jeongguk had his first sip of the stew that Yoongi had made, he hummed and furrowed his brows. “Ah, hyung, this is amazing. You’re gonna have to stop being so good to me or I’ll have to kiss you.” Surprised, Yoongi choked on a piece of tteokbokki, making Jeongguk freeze as well. “Oh, I’m so sorry, I didn’t- well, I mean, I did want to talk to you about that.”
Yoongi forced himself to swallow what was still in his mouth, even though his throat was screaming at him. Had he been too obvious about his affection? Was Jeongguk going to tell him to stop? He really thought, he was good at keeping things platonic so that Jeongguk wouldn’t be uncomfortable. Maybe he had failed after all.
“I wanna say something first,” he blurted out, anxious to explain himself to Jeongguk before he could reject him again. “I don’t really believe in love, or at least I didn’t in the past. There’s a lot of, umm, trauma and bad experiences from when I was younger, but- anyway, I’m not used to liking people, so I wanted to apologize for when I asked you out back when I did. You’re just so… incredible. I didn’t think I could just look at someone and hear angels sing. But being with you and caring for you makes me understand what all those poets were on about. And I thought I could keep it to myself and treat you like any other friend but clearly I didn’t and I'm so sorry for making you uncomfortable and-”
Jeongguk got up and moved to sit down right next to Yoongi. “Oh, my god, stop, please,” he interrupted him gently with an amused smile on his lips. “I’m not uncomfortable by anything you do. But I didn’t know… Do you really feel that way about me?”
“Yes,” Yoongi replied without hesitation. “I’ve never even wanted to think about someone romantically but with you… I don’t even care if we crash and burn. I think loving you would be worth it. But I know you don’t want to be in a relationship right now.”
Humming, Jeongguk reached out and gently touched Yoongi’s face. “I do,” he whispered. “That’s what I wanted to tell you. I thought I didn’t have time for all of this but you make me find the time. I was gonna ask you if you’re still interested in dating me. I think I have my answer already.”
There was a beat of silence as Yoongi’s brain caught up with Jeongguk’s words. “Interested is a little understated.”
“Great. Now you only need to kiss me to seal the deal.” Jeongguk grinned, raising an eyebrow at Yoongi in expectation.
Yoongi didn’t need another invitation. He had been ready to kiss Jeongguk from the first moment they met. His lips were soft but the kiss tasted of gochujang and chili flakes. He never wanted it to stop. His heart felt like it was beating out of his chest as he wrapped his arms around Jeongguk.
“We won’t crash and burn,” Jeongguk mumbled against his lips and rested their foreheads together. “I promise you that.”
So many thoughts and promises were swirling through Yoongi’s mind; he didn’t know which one to say first. Instead, he simply pressed his lips to Jeongguk’s again and hoped that he would understand.
Safe to say that by the time they went back to having dinner, the stew in their bowls was already cold.
♡
Yoongi didn’t believe in love once, but that was in the past. He was a divorce lawyer, so he made his money off broken love, but he understood now that love wasn’t just this force that ruined people’s life. Love was complex and multi-faceted; it came in many shapes and colors.
It showed in the way Yoongi went fishing with his best friend because he knew that Seokjin didn’t like to go alone. He didn’t like fishing as much as Seokjin, but he liked spending time with him and he liked how happy it made his best friend.
It showed in the way he bought his mother flowers every time he visited her. She still got excited whenever he pulled the flowers out from behind his back, hurrying off to find a vase that they would fit in.
And it showed in the way he kept leaving post-it notes at Jeongguk’s door whenever he was busy studying for exams. The love he felt for Jeongguk was new and unexpected but he quickly learned that it wasn’t all that different from the love he felt towards his friends. Love was love and no form of love was more destined to fail than another.
Yoongi was the first to admit that his relationship with Jeongguk wasn’t always easy. They had an age gap of more than ten years and busy lives to coordinate. But Yoongi didn’t mind. Relationships weren’t always easy but love was.
Jeongguk had promised him that their love wouldn’t crash and burn and even though Jeongguk couldn’t know what would happen in the future, Yoongi trusted him to give his all to make it work - and he would do the same.
After all, that was what love truly was. A give and take. It was Yoongi making dinner for Jeongguk and Jeongguk thanking him with dozens of kisses. It was Jeongguk reading to him late at night when he couldn’t sleep and Yoongi waking him up with breakfast.
This was love.