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Odo entered Garak's shop, having finally made up his mind.
“Ah, Constable. The usual tailoring, I suppose ?“
Odo was stumped by the joke. He forced himself to keep walking and not cancel on his plan.
“Garak, I need your advice.“
The Cardassian's eyes widened ever so slightly.
“I must say, I truly haven't expected that. But I'm flattered, nevertheless.“ He also would have enjoyed some more banter and beating around the bush, but not everyone could be like his doctor.
“It has to do with...relationships..“
Oh, maybe he was lucky after all and this would be less direct.
“May I ask why you come to me about this ?“ He quickly raised a hand, laying aside his utentils. “Please don't take my words the wrong way. I'm merely curious as to why your choice fell on me.“
Odo appeared a little uncomfortable for a moment. Talking to a dress on display, he said:
“I often send away people making out in corners of the Promenade with a warning.“
Garak nodded, not entirely sure where this was going. But he had had worse.
“Apart from that and my...books, the only relationships I actually see are the glimpses I get from other crew members, friends..“
If he would stare at the dress any longer, Garak wouldn't be surprised if the seams simply gave up under Odo's scrutiny.
“This together is what I know of solid relationships. Maybe it is different from planet to planet and maybe I'm seeing this in a limited way but they seem to be very often rather...mixed.“
“Mixed ?“
“A male and a female person of one or two species.“
“Ah.“ Garak was beginning to suspect what Odo was going for.
“Not that there is anything wrong with it !“ Odo hastened to add, finally leaving that poor dress alone and actually directing his gaze at Garak. “It's just..“ Odo continued, now picking a pair of brightly colored pants as his next target, “...the relationship you and Dr. Bashir have is..different to that. Not because you happen to be two males of two species, but because your relationship seems, to me, from the outside,“ Odo's eyes went frantically from the pants to shoes to a top to a jacket, “..it seems respectable.“ He finally ended, drowning another pair of pants in his stare.
"Respectable ?“ That was a word Garak wouldn't pick first for their relationship. Not that it wouldn't apply, if he thought about it.
Odo looked very uncomfortable now. At the same time, his speech became freer and freer.
“Not that the other couples aren't. Like I said, I only experienced a few couples first hand and from the ones I have seen friends be a part of, some of them were rather...short-lived, unsteady-“
“A fling ? A one-night stand ?“ Garak decided to help out. Odo nodded, glad not to have to say it.
Garak steepled his fingers. “So let me sum this up. You decided on me to ask for advice, because my relationship with Julian seems stable and serious enough. Oh, and gay.“
Odo nodded fiercely. Garak flashed a smile, throwing his arms out in a wide gesture. “Alright then ! How can I help ?“ He propped his elbow on the counter, resting his chin on his hand.
Meanwhile, Odo was looking for another textile target.
“Well..“ He said, settling on some shiny shoes.
“How do I...get there ?“
“Get where ?“
“To a stable, successful relationship.“
“That's preferably gay ?“
Odo crossed his arms, suddenly scowling. “I wouldn't say preferably. It's not like I was left any choice.“
Garak was properly intrigued now. “Care to elaborate on that, my mysterious friend ?“
“That scoundrel probably has done something to me, would be right up his alley...“ Odo muttered.
“Who has done what ?“ Garak asked as innocently as he could make himself, while telling himself very strictly not to drop the name 'Quark' before Odo had officially told him.
Odo snapped out of talking to himself and uncrossed his arms, eyes on Garak. “I'd rather not say.“ In that moment, he was fully in Constable mood and Garak knew he would have to wait a few more rounds for more answers.
“So I take it this person, whoever he is, is someone you'd rather have no feelings for, but definitely do.“ Garak summed up. Odo nodded.
“And you want to know how to enter a successful relationship with him.“
“Also if.“
Garak offered him a broad smile.
“Constable, if you weren't sure about the 'if' part, we wouldn't be having this whole conversation.“
Odo stared back, dumbfounded. He made a sound that was close to clearing his throat.
“You think I should get together with him ?“
“Let me ask you this, since when have you thought about it ?“
Odo's eyes full on assaulted an unexpecting blazer. “A few years..“ He mumbled.
Garak slapped the counter with both open palms, he couldn't help himself. “Why, isn't it obvious then ?!“
Odo did his routine of staring first at him, then at an item of clothing.
“So I should enter a relationship with him..“ He told a pair of socks on display, “...but how do I know if it will be successful ?“
“You don't.“ Garak told him plainly and this shocked Odo enough to look into his face again. Garak offered a soft, sincere smile in return. “It's fun to try and find that it does work out.“
“But then there's also the chance of failing horribly. Like the other couples.“
Garak shrugged, tilting his head. “Possibly, yes. But just because couples x and y fail, does not mean you have to for the same reasons.“
“We ..don't ?“
“Odo, so far you and.. – this other person – have survived Cardassian occupation and still talk to each other, still find other topics besides your shared trauma.“
“How do you-“
“An educated guess. You haven't really left the station, so it must be someone from here.“
Odo nodded, not seeming to realize how much Garak knew.
“Do you enjoy his company ?“ Garak asked him, to cover up his possible slip up.
“No!“ Odo immediately answered, then, adding under sheepish swaying of his head, “...yes. Too much, actually.“
“And do you think he enjoys yours ?“
Odo rolled his eyes. “Given how he flirts with everyone and everything it's hard to say..“
“Ah, so you do recognize his flirting ? You can pin point when it's not just small talk ?“
Odo looked dumbfounded again and Garak congratulated himself for shoving Odo in the right direction of thought.
“What do you mean ?“
“Some people like to use small talk so much that it may appear to people who are less prone to small talk as if they are flirting.“
“So I could be imagining it after all ?“
“Well, is there a difference in the way he talks to you than he talks to others ?“
Odo's eyes burned a hole in the carpet as his mind was working overtime.
“..yes.“ Odo said eventually. “Yes, I think there is.“
Garak clapped his hands together. “Which makes it appear that he seems to return the sentiment of enjoying your company.“ His palms still together, he rested his hands against his chin, tilting his head slightly.
“Do you find him attractive ?“
Odo's eyes tried to find a target, but before they could, his mouth had already murmured: “Does it matter ? My attraction to him seems to be out of my control anyway.“
“Yes, that can happen. And yes, being physically attracted to your partner isn't everything, but can be a nice touch. Sometimes helps to smooth over the edges when distracting your special someone with physical gratification.“
“I wouldn't even know how..“ Odo started, then shook his head. “Nevermind.“ He shook his head once more, looking more annoyed than before.
“In the end it's all due to some weird....weird....weird sex pollen ray that he has stolen from prophets know where !“
Garak searched out his eyes, but they were running rampant through his store once more.
“Do you want your feelings to be due to a weird sex pollen ray ?“ Garak asked him in a very careful, soft tone.
Odo's gaze met his shortly at the end of his question, then jumped off again, then returned for a Cardassian heartbeat. “...no..“ Odo admitted meekly, then his gaze was out into the world again.
“So we've established that you both enjoy each other's company, possibly find each other attractive, and at least you would not be averse to the idea of intimacy and would be sad if it were only due to sex pollen.“
“That, uh, sounds about right.“ Odo nodded, looking uncomfortable and unsure if he was supposed to react to that.
“The thing is...“ Odo started, now switching up his routine by walking around the shop, touching various items while staring at them, “...I am unsure how it would work for a longer time. Sure, books and people claim the beginning is exciting, but that the staying together part is tougher, not so easily managed. He and I...we are very different – not only because he's a solid.“
“How so, my friend ?“ Garak was meanwhile making a list himself in all the ways Odo and Quark differed from each other.
“Well, there's the most obvious thing-“ Odo went on.
“- your physiques- Garak chimed in.
“- our attitude towards order-“ Odo said at the same time. Garak made an apologetic gesture, but Odo nodded absentmindedly. “Yes, yes, that's right, our bodies are also..how should I say...opposed ? He's short and stocky with sharp teeth that supposedly should make kissing unpleasant for anyone with nerves in their lips, as solids tend to possess-“
“Which you don't have.“
“Excuse me ?“ Odo had been thrown of his ramble.
“You don't have any nerves in your lips, or whole body therefore, so shouldn't you be his ideal partner for kissing ?“
“I never thought about it this way...“ Odo said, looking baffled into space, “...well, maybe once...or twice..but never for long periods of time..and mostly never on duty...surely rarely in his bar...“
Garak was highly amused to see the Constable so focused on his problem at hand that he kept dropping information without noticing.
“What you describe sounds quite compatible after all.“ Garak told him with a winning smile.
“You think so ?“
“Not only the culture of my beloved quotes the saying 'opposites attract'. Sometimes, if not most often, it's about balancing each other out.“
Odo looked thoughtful. “We certainly do that. Also, sometimes he seems to remember what's right and just, after all...“
Garak walked up to him. “See ? There you go !“
Odo looked chagrined for some reason.
“I should tell you who it is, maybe that changes your opinion. It's...Quark.“ Odo told him with an expression of great struggle. Garak summoned decades of Obsidian Order into feigning surprise.
“Why ! Now that you say it, it's obvious !“ Garak exclaimed. “But I still stand by what I said. I dare say, you shouldn't waste another minute in your mortal love's life.“
Odo looked somewhat mortified at the reminder.
“Do you..happen to know how long Ferengi live ?“
“I would assume roughly as long as unusually lucky and unpolitical Cardassians, longer than unaugmented humans and-“
Garak couldn't finish his sentence, for Odo made a sharp turn, ran for the door, turning into a hawk midway and soared high speed out of the room.
“It's incredible how many people came to me today, asking for a short term memory alteration or even wipe.“ Julian sighed, slumping down on the couch in their shared quarters. “Thanks.“ He took the tea Garak offered him. His Cardassian partner sat across from him, legs crossed, intrigued expression on. Of course he already knew what had happened. And of course Julian probably knew that he knew. But they both knew how much his doctor liked to tell a tale.
“Whatever made them want to lose their memory, dear ?“
“Apparently Odo – as a bird -“
“- a hawk-“ Garak muttered.
“What ?“
The Cardassian beamed at him, trailing the tip of his foot against his human's leg.
“Nothing, dearest. Continue.“
“So apparently Odo crashes into the bar as a bird, shifts back midflight, more or less lands on top of Quark and from one moment to the next starts kissing him senseless. Quark declared drinks on the house and they kept making out behind the bar, or so eye witnesses say. Most were too freaked out to drink. Morn was unfazed. Have to treat him for alcohol poisoning.“
Garak shook his head in disbelief.
“You always experience the strangest things, dear.“
Julian shot him a wink.
“That why you said yes to me ?“
His Cardassian winked back.
“Maybe.“