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Their dormitory absolutely reeked.
It reeked because James arrived from the prefects meeting grinning like the Cheshire cat. It reeked because James, in all of his Head Boy-ness, confiscated a whole mess of cannabis from some 5th year Hufflepuffs. It reeked because James did not turn them into McGonagall like he was supposed to and now the Marauders are high as kites.
Peter, obviously, was asleep. He took 2 hits, ate every single one of the chocolate frogs his parents sent him for christmas, and passed out on the floor.
James was laughing at nothing. Sirius told him about how, when Regulus was no more than 2, he made Kreacher pick him up and run around with him on his back. The image was apparently so hilarious to him, he’d been giggling on and off for the last hour, occasionally busting out another nonsensical pun (“Guess you could call it a…Kreacher feature? Come on, that was funny and you know it!”).
Sirius was calm. It was like all the buzzing in his brain finally quieted down. All the noises, the tics, the changing thoughts had slowed to the pace of cold treacle, leaving Sirius comfortably numb.
Meanwhile, Remus was loud. He kept asking nonsensical questions.
“What would happen if we got the werewolf high?”
“If Dumbledore is like, 97, why is he still hot? Like, we can all agree Dumbledore is hot, right?”
“If McGonagall is a cat, and we’ve like, seen her as a cat, doesn’t that mean we’ve all kind of seen McGonagall naked?”
“Why is it called Honeydukes?”
Sirius bolted upright, vaguely sick of Remus’s monologuing.
“What are you on about, Moony?”
“You know,” Remus replied, “The candy store. Why is it called Honeydukes?”
James looked over from where he was regarding his hands with great interest. “What do you mean why? It’s someone’s name, isn’t it?”
“But like…it sounds a bit fruity, doesn’t it?”
Sirius stiffened.
“What do you mean by fruity, Remus?” Sirius, who until very recently had been vehemently repressing his latent queerness, was actively sweating.
“You know, like that fruit.” Remus said nonchalantly.
“What fruit???”
“It’s like a melon or something…Right! A honeydew.”
Sirius smacked him with a pillow.
“You’re a right tosser, you know that right?”
“What did I do???” Remus asked. “It’s a fruit! It’s fruity!!!”