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“ Fuck, fuck, firetruck- ”
Sirius’s neck twitched to the left and he squeezed his eyes shut abruptly. The tics always came on worse the night after a full moon - running around as Padfoot all night was exhilarating yet exhausting, and today it felt more tiring than usual. He didn’t even get to rest during the day, as NEWTs were fast approaching and he needed the time to study. So after over 24 hours awake, it wasn’t a surprise that his brain was spazzing out more than usual.
“ Hup hup , fuck- ”
His hand jerked back against his wishes, and he knocked his entire inkwell over onto his shirt.
“Fuck!” This time was not coprolalia, it was genuine fury. “Ughhhh,” Sirius groaned, annoyed. He slumped back into his seat and set to the deceptively difficult task of charming his shirt clean.
“Scour- hup .” said Sirius, interrupted by a tic. “Sourgi- fuck, ” he tried again. “SCOURGIO!” he shouted, finally making it through the word. The ink swirled off of his shirt into the ether, and he began to pack his books away. Clearly whatever beast lived inside his brain wasn’t going to let him finish studying tonight.
Sirius entered the boys’ dormitory, still making noise and still twitching.
“Sirius, will you please shut the fuck up?” asked Peter, ever oblivious. Remus shot him a dirty look across the room.
“Don’t you think I want to, Pete? Do you think this is my idea of a fun Thursday night? Screaming and jerking and my body doing shit I don’t want it to?”
“Jeez, touchy-”
“Peter!” Remus interjected. “Will you please go find Prongs and see if he has any chocolate? You know how I get after a moon,” Peter, unaware of Remus’s unspoken ‘bugger off’, got up off his bed and left down the stairs.
“Remus-” Sirius began
“Get over here, Sirius,” said Remus, lifting the corner of his duvet in invitation.
“I can’t, you’re probably still hurting from last night. I don’t want to bump anything.” Sirius’ arm jerked as if to prove his point.
“I can handle a tic, Sirius,” Remus smiled, “And you know they calm down when you’re relaxed.” Sirius’s eyes softened and he crawled into bed with the taller boy.
“ hup- Sorry, fuck- I’m sorry,” Sirius felt Remus’s arms wrap around him. Sirius’s arms jerked outward, “Merlin, Moony, I’m so sorry,”
“Hey,” Remus said softly, “you have nothing to be sorry for. What do you tell me during the full moon, hey? Your tics are no more your fault than being a werewolf is mine.” Sirius sniffed, burrowing his face in Remus’s chest. “Have you thought about what McGonagall said, about NEWTs?”
“Don’t- hup -start with me Remus, I don’t want to think about it right now.”
“I’m just saying, she says you’re entitled to reasonable accommodations. I was looking into anti stuttering spells, and they’re allowed on the test-”
“I just wish I did- fuck- didn’t have to deal with it in the first place. It sucks.”
“I know you don’t want to hear it from me, but is it impossible to think that maybe your tics are just another part of the intricate constellation of Sirius Black? I think it’s marvelous that you are so unapologetic about it. I think your tics are funny, I think they’re endearing.”
“I just hate feeling so out of control.”
“You’re talking to me about out of control?” Remus laughed gently. “It’s ok to not always be in control, Sirius. Sometimes you can even find beauty in going where the wind takes you.” Remus gently touched Sirius’s cheek.
“I wish the wind would take me somewhere without Tourette’s” Sirius muttered sleepily. Remus noticed that Sirius’s tics had started waning, and that he was finally falling asleep.
“Wherever the wind takes you Sirius, I’ll be there with you.” Remus whispered, almost inaudibly. He kissed the top of Sirius’s forehead, and Sirius smiled dreamily.