Chapter Text
Morality was a spectrum. Right and wrong are concepts devised by people who wanted someone to blame. Context can so easily be left out when it's needed and one piece of a puzzle doesn’t make a whole. Heroes can be bad and villains can be good, but there isn’t good or bad.
These were the kind of thoughts that plagued Tommy late at night. It was easy to shut them out in the morning, a million distractions and things to do, but it was much harder when he was laying in bed and trying to get a full night’s sleep. He doesn’t remember the last time he did. Instead, he laid in bed and debated the morality of men and if it wasn’t so much black, gray, and white as the whole rainbow.
Debates like these were a nightly occurrence and would go on until Tommy’s body couldn’t keep up with his racing mind. Tommy doesn’t know when they started -that’s a lie, he remembers too well- but he knows it's been for a while. A guilty conscience wrapped around him like an old, familiar blanket. Only, it wasn’t his sins (Were they even sins?) that weighed him down. He’d always heard the phrase ‘brother’s keeper’ but he had never understood it. Now, late at night debating if his family were really the monsters everyone claimed, he understood.
Tommy rolled over with a groan, his arm laying across his tired eyes. He almost started praying for sleep -he was getting that desperate- but to pray you needed to believe and Tommy had run out of faith a long time ago. Instead, he breathed in and sat up. If he couldn’t sleep, he could work.
The wood was cold under his feet as he padded out of his room. None of the lights in the hallway were on, not even the little nightlight that was usually there, the batteries must have died. Tommy made a note to get news ones soon as he padded over to the kitchen. His eyes had yet to adjust to the light and were weighed down by exhaustion so he used muscle memory to find a cup. He walked to the fridge and hissed at the bright lights that came on. He poured himself a glass of water and chugged the entire thing. He hadn’t noticed how dry his throat had been.
“Can’t sleep again.”
Tommy would have startled and dropped the glass if he wasn’t so used to surprise interruptions late in the night. He placed the water pitcher back and closed the fridge before turning. Another boy sat at the island with fluffy hair covering his eyes and a hood shielding his face.
“You could at least phrase it like a question.” Tommy said sarcastically. The other boy just hummed and continued to stare at him. Tommy sighed and continued to drink his nice, refreshing water. “Water late at night always tastes the best. What do you think Purpled? There is only one right answer just so you know.”
“It’s 3am, not late at night.” Purpled said in substitute of answering this highly important question.
“That’s not the one right answer and it can’t be the next day if I never slept in the first place.” Tommy smiled before drinking the last of his water and setting it in the sink.
“Tubbo’s going to be pissed if you leave that in there.” Purpled warned while somehow sounding like he didn’t care at all. Tommy just hummed and left the glass in the sink. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a while, both used to the insomnia that came with growing up too fast with too much pressure.
“Want to talk about it?” Purpled’s voice was muffled by the sweatshirt sleeves he had laid his face on. They both knew the answer already, but it was always nice to ask.
“Want to watch something?” Tommy answered without answering.
“We’ll have to watch it on mute. Ranboo’s got a shift in two hours.” Purpled said while already standing and moving towards the couch. Tommy groaned dramatically as he walked over too. Purpled got comfortable on the couch and grabbed a blanket which he held in his arms before patting his leg. Tommy grinned at the invitation and flopped down on his friend who let out an oof. He pushed himself as close to Purpled as he could, enjoying the heat of his body and the pound of his heart (Reminders, reminders, reminders; he’s alive, he’s alive. For now, he’s alive, and that will be enough). “Comfy enough?”
Tommy just hummed and pressed farther into his friend who sighed and laid the blanket over the two. He then turned on the TV, quickly muting it, and began to scroll down to documentaries -always a safe choice, not too many triggers in a documentary about elephants. The bright light from the TV blinded Tommy’s adjusting vision and blocked out the memories of right and wrong and brothers and screams. It’s enough for now. It’s the best he can do.
~~~
Tommy’s still on the couch when the screaming starts. Immediately, he panicked and slid off the couch, crouched to the ground to take cover behind it. His hand slid under his waistband where he had a knife sheathed. He scanned the kitchen, where the screaming originated, for any potential attackers and thought of how he could get out of this apartment. He doesn’t know what time it is so he’s going to assume Ranboo’s home which means he’s got to make sure to get him out too. That’s three people he needed to find and protect from the intruders.
“You can’t put that in your fucking cereal you deranged motherfucker!” Tubbo screeched from the kitchen. Tommy’s body loosened and a relieved sigh shakes its way from his body. It’s just Tubbo. Only Tubbo. No one was coming to hurt his family. He breathed in like Wilb- Like he’d been taught and affirmed himself with logic. Everything was okay. He was safe. His roommates were safe. He was allowed to breathe at this moment.
“Why not? It’s my breakfast? What does it have to do with you?” Ranboo defensively asked from the kitchen. On second thought, maybe it’s not time to breathe yet. Tommy rose from his crouch and began to walk over to the kitchen, stretching and cracking his back as he went. A satisfied groan left him as he walked straight into a battlefield.
Tubbo stood in a wide stance with a knife pointed directly at Ranboo who held a bowl of cereal close to his chest and looked deeply offended. A can of opened tomato sauce sat beside Ranboo and suddenly all of the fighting made a lot more sense.
“Good morning. Ranboob what the fuck is wrong with you?” Tommy croaked out as he moved to get some water. He pushed past Ranboo and grabbed his glass from the sink. Ranboo let out a vaguely enderman-like screech of indignation at Tommy but he paid it no mind as he drank his water in a familiar place as last night -this morning?
“See?! See, Ranboo? Even Tommy agrees and we all know he’s not mentally stable!” Tubbo declared. Tommy raised his hand to object, but twin glares silence him so he lowered his hand and went back to drinking his water.
“That’s exactly why his opinion shouldn’t count. Tomato sauce in your cereal is a totally acceptable way of eating it!” Ranboo defended as he began to slowly reach for the offending sauce.
Tubbo’s grip tightened on his knife and he snarled, “Don’t even think about it you enderman fuck.” Ranboo’s hand slowly edged away from the can.
“Why can’t you let me eat my cereal?”
“Because it’s an abomination to the kingdom of God.”
“God is dead!” Tommy chimed in cheerfully. He looked at the time and felt something die inside, “It’s 5am, I might be dead. I’m going back to sleep.” Tommy sat his glass in the sink and ignored Tubbo’s yells to ‘wash his damn dishes or he’s going to start taking fingers’ and trudged back to bed.
His room was cool and quiet with blackout curtains darkening the space. Another lump in the bed told him Purpled had probably had a similar predicament to him, albeit he also probably ignored the 5am Kitchen Shitshow entirely, but the same nonetheless. Tommy lifted the covers and laid down. His pillow was cool and welcoming and he could already feel himself beginning to slip away to the realm of sleep. Real life problems were for another day, for now, he was going to get some well-deserved rest.
“PUT DOWN THE TOMATO SAUCE OR SO HELP ME-”
Some very well-deserved rest.