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After so long, they were back in that horrid space. Water, endless, surrounded them. Again, Jasper was bound, and Lapis did the binding.
But this time, they weren’t at conflict. Au contraire. They met by the ocean, at the same exact area where their ship had crashed, and without so much as speaking a single word to each other, they walked into the water and became one.
They did this irregularly. The signal was subtle, but frank and unmistakable. Jasper would approach Lapis as she crossed the plaza and give her a straight, but nervous look. Lapis would either nod “yes” or “no,” depending on whether she had the emotional capacity. Then, they would go about their day.
Unlike that torturous, nightmarish struggle for power which had forever left them scarred, they simply existed together. Sometimes, they would chat. Sometimes, they would vent. Sometimes, they would be silent, basking in each other’s company.
Is this good? Is this bad? they would ask themselves.
They didn’t know. What did they know is that whatever this was, it was theirs.
“Lapis?”
The gem turned. “Yes?”
“Do you ever wonder what it would be like if Malachite was more stable?”
The question stung. Trauma aside, Lapis just didn’t like to think about Malachite that often, especially in that context. It saved her stress just to regard her as little more than a snafu. One not worthy of reflection or discussion. But even then, she knew that she was kidding herself if she thought that the idea of Malachite being something more wouldn’t cross her mind every once in a while.
“Sometimes,” she answered. “Why?”
“I don’t know…” Jasper looked down.
“Sometimes, I’ll pass by and see Garnet teaching her class with Pearl. She makes it look so easy, living like that.”
Even after she had settled in Little Homeworld and began to pursue a new way of life, Jasper had trouble with Garnet. For one, the shame she felt, remembering when she unfused her and held her captive back on the ship. That aside, for the longest time, Jasper just couldn’t bring herself to be in Garnet’s presence. If she saw her crossing the street, she walked the other way. Though she didn’t care to admit it and a small part of her knew that this was likely a flawed perception of the fusion, Jasper saw Garnet as perfect. Catching even the smallest gaze of her was like looking into a spotless mirror, one that reflected all of the horrible things she had done and suffered, and put them on display for everyone to gawk at.
“It takes a lot of hard work and it’s not like they haven’t had their hitches before,” Lapis responded.
“I know…” Jasper sighed. “It’s just, I wish things could be different. Not just with us, but with everything. I wish that things could’ve happened differently.”
“Yeah,” Lapis said, solemnly. “Me too.”
And what if Jasper hadn’t held Lapis captive on that ship? And what if she hadn’t forced her into that becoming that monster, that hellish bondage? Would things be different? What if that horrific regime never was? What if that war never happened? What if the Crystal Gems never were? Would things be different? Whatever the case may be, there was no use in pondering that. What could’ve been. What mattered is what is.
Lapis closed her eyes. “Jasper.”
Jasper lifted her head from the ground. “Yes?”
“I love you.”
The three words hit like a car suddenly t-boning into another.
The quartz took a deep breath. “I love you, too, Lapis.”
What the hell did they just do? They knew those words were heavy but even then, the true weight of them felt huge, gigantic, monumental.
Butterflies with blades as wings began to enter their stomachs. Lapis could feel her breath growing uneasy. Tears began to pool in Jasper’s eyes.
Soon enough, they were out of that space and they had become two again.
Lapis stared off into the distance. She could make out the Crystal Temple.
“Stars…” Jasper coughed out through a sniffle.
Lapis looked down. Jasper was coiled on the sand, hugging Lapis’ knee and crying to herself.
She tried to wipe her tears with her elbow. “I’m sorry…”
For a moment, Lapis stared, nervous, then she bent down to Jasper’s level and lifted her head up.
They gazed into each other’s eyes. It was about as exhilarating as floating in the middle of the cosmos and staring into the vast endlessness.
They brought their lips together in a passionate, but unsure kiss.
After a long, long moment, Lapis pulled back. “Why don’t we call it a night?”
Jasper nervously scratched the back of her neck. “Okay.”
Lapis smiled. Jasper, tears still streaking her face, smiled back.
They held each other’s hands and began to walk back into the city.
Could this become something?
As much as it brought them a faint glimmer of hope to wonder of the possibilities, it troubled them, too. This can’t possibly be healthy. Perhaps they were just kidding themselves in order to easier return to old habits. Or maybe, just maybe, there’s something there. No matter, now, it would be a little less hard to meditate upon it, carrying this night in the pockets of their minds.