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Diluc could feel every square centimeter of the inside of his shirt rubbing on his skin. The seams scratching his sides and shoulders.
His top surgery scars itching like hell. His boxers uncomfortably riding up, not designed for the shape of his hips.
Everything pinched and pulled in the wrong ways.
He could hear people. They were making too much noise.
He felt everything. And heard everything.
Some people spoke hushed in the corner of his bar. Others spoke loudly and excitedly. The variety in tones was far too difficult to keep up with, and Diluc could feel tears well in his eyes as he begged his head to allow him to keep it together until the end of the night.
The lights scratched at his brain wrong and the music wasn't mixing well with the noise of clanking dishes.
He heard heels tapping the floor as another patron approached his bar.
He moved away hoping an employee would cover for his shortcomings.
Diluc couldn't hold it back anymore. The scratching and shredding at his mind never hit the spot that itched and he could feel his sweat pour down his neck.
His lips had texture and his hair had weight.
The employee restroom was hardly any better. With a little echo and the occasional flush of a toilet sounding at inconsistent intervals, Diluc sat, struggling, perched atop the lid.
The tears running down his face stung his dry cheeks. The taste of his mouth made him nauseous and he could feel his toes touching each other within their socks.
He heard the electricity running through the fluorescent lights.
'make it stop' he sobbed in his mind. If he let a sound out someone may try to speak to him.
Clawing at his hair, then his ears, then scratching his short, bitten, yet sharp fingernails down his eyes he left pink irritation in their path.
'make it stop' he silently begged himself. Of he wasnt so sensitive to this; of he wasnt so broken, maybe he wouldn't be scratching his face to a bloody mess in a bar restroom.
'make it stop' a tear slipped into his mouth and he tasted the salt mixing with the foul taste of the alcohol in the air.
The tiles of the floor reflected the fluorescent lights in such a terrible way he just wanted the suffering to stop.
'make it stop' the itch in the back of his brain grew more irritating as nothing could quite reach it.
The inside of his head best be a gorey mess from the scratching of the grating noises around him.
Yet, he was alive.
The pounding headache did nothing to deter him from slamming his fist into his head repeatedly.
It felt better than the ripping at his brain.
"make it stop" he accidentally let out in a whimper.
He released a shaky breath and stepped off the toilet lid.
The sound of the stall unlocking rattled his brain. The space between his ears crying out in pain.
'i need to get back to work' still unable to gain a single focus, he washed his hands under scalding hot water to remove the feeling.
He could feel the air. It needed to go away.
Rubbing his hands raw with a paper towel, he was yet to begin bleeding. The feeling of the rigid paper towel wrecking his hands made him sick.
The feeling of the metal plate on the door as he pushed it open with his back, made him stop and press his finger into the places the metal bolts missed.
The warmth of the bodies in the bar sent him down. Again.
He watched the bar as the people seemed to shrink away and the walls expanded away from him.
He watched as the lights formed bright claws and ripped open his skull.
He watched as people breathed far too much.
The sound of people haunting his mind.
'make it stop. Make it stop. Make it stop make it stopmakeitstopmakeitstopmakeitsto-' diluc is awakened from his thoughts as his left shoulder is bumped into by a stranger.
They then apologize and carry on.
Diluc spends the next five minutes trying to replicate that feeling of being bumped on his right shoulder by slamming it into a wall.
Hes unsuccessful and it all feels wrong.
He wishes he could stop existing. Stop feeling. No more.
Or maybe everything else could stop existing.
The world goes blank as he watches everything happen blurry and warped noises. Everything is so far away.
The persistent scratching on his scars is just close enough to irritate but too far to solve. Its a miracle that he has yet to reopen them.
But the rest of the world is muffled and floating.
He feels like hes underwater.
The world falls away as his feet move on their own; dragging Diluc back to his place behind ghe bar.
"Took you long enough, sir" one of his employees chuckles.
He tries to laugh back but instead he opens his mouth and chokes.
"What happened to your face?" The employee continues to laugh as he serves drinks.
'stop talking to me' Diluc only wishes it were that easy. To think and be obeyed.
"Sir...?" The employee is now washing glasses and looks at Diluc woth concern.
His eyes bore into Diluc's and stab him through the head.
He turns tail and runs. Again.
The cool concrete of the ground behind the bar feels so nice. He wishes he could melt away into the concrete.
Instead, he realizes how unsightly he must be, gets up, and goes home.
'nothing happened today. I am fine.' he recites to himself as he gets in his car.
'Nothing happened, I am fine' he continues to recite as he starts the engine.
'everything is fine' his eyes blur as he begins to drive.
The lights hurt once again. The cars made noises that cut his head. His hands felt wrong on the steering wheel. Nothing was right. Nothing was ever right.
"i just want to be fine" Diluc sobs as tears pour down his face.
Driving next to a river, there's no one around anymore.
He closes his eyes.
He misses a turn.
And then there was nothing.