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The rain met the shingles of the Sword Hall in hushed pattering, muffled and unable to drown out the stinge of animosity within the darkened room. No, it was not animosity but pure disbelief.
“ Why are you back?” Jiang Wanyin seethed, almost pleading. His throat was stripped raw, eyes hazy and puffed red. He held Suibian firmly in one hand, his grasp like a predator’s jaws set firm around prey.
His shixiong glanced down, his face peakish, mouth stained with blood. “I don’t know.”
“Then leave. Leave and don’t return.” He ordered, his voice rasped at any authority one may muster in such a situation.
“I’m sorry.”
“For what? For-For deceiving me?” Jiang Wanyin cried, “-Making a noble gesture to never tell me of your pain?! Of-of how everything, every FUCKING THING, I’ve done has been by your sacrifice?!”
Wei Wuxian stepped back, dazed, “I-”
“No, no. Listen! Do you think it’s FAIR that now, after so long of feeling such anger towards you for abandoning me - no - abandoning us, that I must suddenly rethink every damn thing that has…. Has plagued me for YEARS?!”
Wei Wuxian grimaced, “No, Jiang Cheng. No… All I thought of was the pain you’d feel if you knew-”
“The core wasn’t mine. -And that I had ripped my shixiong apart because of my arrogance and pride?” Jiang Wanyin finished, shaking.
Wei Wuxian tore away from his shidi’s cold, sorrowful expression.
“-Had you found out…” Wei Wuxian began, cut short with a maddened bark.
“We would have found another way!” Jiang Wanyin stepped forward, “Do-Do you not understand my love for you, you fuckin’ idiot?!” And this shocked Wei Wuxian. This was so unlike his shidi.
“It doesn’t matter, I would have done all I could to find another way - never to risk your safety!” Jiang Wanyin froze, “Did you not trust me?”
Wei Wuxian growled, “Of course I did! I was so desperate, and I didn’t care what happened, I had to make things right!”
“Did it help, in the end?”
What?
Jiang Wanyin frowned, his brows strewn together, hair wavering in dips and folds. “You left, anyway. Everyone we cared for is dead. I could have protected you. If I had known, I could have helped you. Things would have been different.”
“But look, Jiang Cheng. Look. This is what I feared, the impossibility of you feeling at least half sane upon uncovering the truth.” Wei Wuxian replied, feeling awash with distress.
“Surely Wen Ning provided ample enough reason.” Jiang Wanyin snarled and made his way forward.
“Don’t blame him, it was all a mess. I-”
“And Hanguang-Jun?” Jiang Wanyin inquired ruthlessly, “WHAT IS HE TO UNDERSTAND US?!”
“You went too far!” Wei Wuxian shouted, “It doesn’t matter whether he knows our relationship entirely or not! You made him break!”
Jiang Wanyin scoffed, “Oh how gracious of you. I made him break.” He thrust his hand forward, “I should have NEVER brought you back to Lotus Pier.”
Wei Wuxian shook his head, “Jiang Cheng….”
“No, but it’s true. You discarded your position - your Clan - as if it were nothing. And I desperately wanted to keep you from harm. Nor for you to leave. And regardless of the relationship you had with the Wens, I cannot ever feel any less than betrayed.” Jiang Wanyin admitted, his eyes hard.
“It was my duty to look over them. As a guardian, no matter what.” Wei Wuxian murmured, “I felt it, Jiang Cheng. I felt it deep inside myself.”
Jiang Wanyin scowled, “And you walked that path. Took hold of your ‘calling’. But you lied, and you left, and you think you can simply strut your way back into Lotus Pier?”
“It was my home, and you cannot say otherwise.” Wei Wuxian retorted.
“ Was. There’s a difference.”
Jiang Wanyin stood still for a moment, his eyes searching Wei Wuxian’s. “You might have been right.” He began, “-That I was not strong enough to face the truth. But, don’t you think I deserved it? Whether or not I could handle it?”
Silence.
“And you went along with every ounce of confidence, never dreading the day that I’d find out. Where instead you’d either be forgotten or dead. But, you know something? I never stopped thinking. I never stopped wondering how exactly you managed to find the mystical Baoshan Sanren, or how you’d persuaded her to even heal me. I always worried in the back of my mind why you acted so oddly following your return. And why had you been so easily encroached upon by resentment? This all spun like wildfire in my mind. Every day. For years.”
“And I should have remembered how ‘selfless’ you are, and how virtuous and honorable, and oh so compassionate - you are. But I was short-sighted by my relief to see you, safe and sound, returned home. Even if it did matter. I was simply in your way from becoming the rogue and benevolent savior of people besides your own.”
Jiang Wanyin’s voice broke, “But then I realized something.”
Wei Wuxian whispered, “Jiang Cheng…”
“I was your only mistake, huh?”
Jiang Wanyin slammed Suibian into Wei Wuxian’s chest, “Take it. It’s yours. I don’t need to test it anymore.”
“I’m so sorry, Jiang Cheng. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“But it did.”
Jiang Wanyin bowed shortly and turned, unable to take another look at his shixiong’s distraught expression. His chest was soon to collapse, his hands soon to tremble and fall from his body. Wei Wuxian walked forward, and Jiang Wanyin glanced at him.
“You… You should take Suibian. Have a piece of me, as your shixiong.” He uttered softly.
Jiang Cheng pushed the sheathed blade back - and with his other hand grasped his chest.
“I already have you with me, Wei Ying. I’ve had you with me for thirteen years.”
Wei Wuxian turned numb yet somehow comforted. And as Jiang Wanyin disappeared, he heard the faintest tunes of melancholy rise through the air.
‘ Farewell, my brother. May freedom follow you, as I cannot.’