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1.
You think of her as a flower, when you first meet her.
A lovely, delicate, pretty flower. A precious thing to treat with care and to cherish, because it could easily wither.
She reminds you of spring, and sunny days, and her presence alone fills your dull days with color.
You can't help but feel yourself softening, anytime your eyes land on her. You can't help but try to find any way to be in her proximity, moved by the need to be close to her.
You'd like to get even closer - but you can't.
Because the garden she's in is not yours. It's someone else's.
And all you can do is stand on the other side of the fence, and look at her from afar.
Hoping that he'll take care of her, that he won't hurt her. That he'll let her blossom as you would if she was yours.
2.
You realise soon, that she's no flower.
She's made of stone. Beautiful, rare stone.
Confident, steady, resilient.
Ready to look life in the face, and to deal with life's problems without ever running away, without hiding.
Her chin stays up when life hits her the hardest. Instead of giving up, she keeps walking against the wind, and going on as if nothing happened.
If you didn't find yourself looking at her so often, you probably wouldn't have noticed at all.
And if tears slip from her eyes sometimes when she thinks nobody's watching, it only makes her real. Human.
And it makes your heart grow fonder.
3.
Lately, you've been thinking of her as a fruit.
A delicious, tasty fruit, keeping you from dehydration.
Her lips are red and full as a cherry. Her skin, pale and delicate, is softer than a fig.
And the taste of her, on your tongue, is sweeter than a peach. It makes you high every single time.
The sounds she makes when your mouth moves against her - they bring an animal out of you, an animal ready to feast on her prey.
And yet, deep down, you know she's no prey - in fact, you are.
After all, the taste of her is all you're ever going to get.
Able to enjoy her virtue, you're kept distant from the depth of her heart, her hands always ready to push you away when you try to reach for it.
4.
You realise soon that she's become the sun in your life.
The one thing keeping you alive, the one thing brighting your days.
When you look at her, you can't help but be blinded by her presence alone.
She's all you think about, all the time. Your life has quite honestly started to revolve around her.
And if sometimes she burns you, you know it's accidental. That it's not her fault - but it's your skin, too delicate.
You love her. You're sure of it now.
But you can't help but wonder, sometimes, if you're the sun in her life as well - or simply one of many planets.
5.
When the autumn comes, she resembles a leaf.
A brown, tired leaf, unable to find her place in the world, carried by the wind.
Running away from you all the time.
Her inability to stay is slowly taking its toll, and your pretence not to care about it is running short - and yet you can't let go.
And if you indulge in alcohol more than usual, you tell yourself it's because you need it to relax.
And if you barely eat anymore, you tell yourself it's because your stomach's been hurting lately
And if you can barely focus at work, you tell yourself it's because you're getting old.
But then, when you cry yourself to sleep at night, and you let your heart break once again, you admit to yourself the truth - that the wind is too strong, and your arms, around her body, too weak.
And she'll leave again.
6.
She was everything and everywhere for sometime - and suddenly she's nowhere.
Her departure from your life is silent, and expected.
You don't fake surprise, or shock. You don't fall to your knees, pleading for her to stay.
You don't cry.
You just sit in your armchair, in complete darkness, a glass of gin in your hand, as silence engulfs you.
The burning feeling down your throat doesn't warm you as you wish it did - nor does the fire crackling in front of you.
You thought she was ice, for a while.
But then how can you explain the coldness you feel, now that she's gone?
7.
Months later, you hear about her from an acquaintance.
To describe her, they use adjectives you would never use for her.
Lonely. Unhappy. Broken.
Despite the pain she's caused you, you can't help but hope it's not true. That she's not really feeling that way.
You hope that her decision, even as it broke you, made her happy. That she has finally found peace.
But then you see her one night, at a party, and you can feel her unease from far away, even as she laughs and acts like everything's alright.
She's glass, about to break. And yet somehow she's still that stone you saw all those months ago.
8.
Not much time passes before you see her again.
On a warm spring afternoon, you find her standing on your front porch.
She looks different than all the other times you've seen her before.
Her eyes are huge, and teary as she finally opens up to you for the very first time.
Her voice is hesitant, and chocked up.
She lets you see a side of her you've never seen before - and suddenly, you realise she's too complex to be reduced to one thing only.
Maybe, that had been your mistake from the start, wanting to fit her in a box.
You try to stay firm as she pleads for you to please take her back.
But then you let go as soon as tears fall down her pale cheeks.
As you hold her in your arms, you don't find yourself praying anymore - that the wind will slow down, that she won't leave again.
You know now, that she'll stay.
9.
Life with her is not always sunny.
Sometimes, her deep unhappiness comes out and won't leave her for days.
It breaks your heart, to see her like that.
But things have changed. She has changed - and you have, as well.
You don't see her as any preconception, you don't see her from only one angle anymore.
You can now finally see the many shades of her, so different and yet all so dear to you - you've learnt to love the darkest ones as well.
And so when the sun won't come out, you lie next to her and hold her close to yourself, reminding her she's not alone anymore, reminding her she doesn't have to hide anymore, not from you.
Reminding her of all the love you have for her.
Hoping that tomorrow she'll feel better - that tomorrow will be a sunny day.