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She was going to do it.
She’d been thinking on it all day – all week, more like. No, she winced, it was worse than that. She’d been thinking of this for at least a month. Ever since they’d found Skyhold, if she was to be precise. And even before that, there had been… something.
She was so obvious. He had to know something. He wasn’t stupid, nor was he blind. And surely he reciprocated these feelings, right? She’d caught him staring at her during council meetings, only to blush and look away, rubbing the back of his neck. They’d played chess together more times than was really appropriate, considering the piles of paperwork that plagued each of them. He smiled more when she was around.
Or did he? Was she being foolish? Was this a mistake, a miscalculation on her part? Was she reading more into this than she should?
Perhaps she shouldn’t say anything. Perhaps she should wait and see if he would make a move first.
As soon as the thought came to her head, she laughed. Yeah, right. Cullen, the Commander of the Inquisition’s forces, making the first move to start a relationship with her, the Herald of Andraste, and now the Inquisitor.
She was more likely to find a demon wearing a frilly pink dress.
No. If she wanted this, it was going to have to be her doing. Cullen wasn’t the type to reach out for something – even if he wanted this as desperately as she did – if he deemed it a personal wish. He had a tendency of denying himself for the good of the Inquisition. Rather annoying habit, really. She’d brought him dinner herself more times than she could count just to make sure he was eating. Eating. One of those basic human necessities.
Her mind made up, she left her quarters at a brisk pace. She didn’t run – no, she needed the time to steel her nerves, and quiet her rapidly beating heart. But she made herself walk deliberately too, so she didn’t have the opportunity to talk herself out of this.
She was lucky. There was no one in his office when she opened the door. He looked up as she arrived, smiling. Was it too broad? More of a smile than he’d offer anyone else? Wait. Did Cullen smile at other people? She couldn’t remember. Oh, drat it all!
“Inquisitor,” he said politely. She had to suppress a shiver – his deep voice caressed her title like silk. She cleared her throat.
“Could I talk to you for a moment?” she asked.
“Of course,” he replied easily.
She looked around the room. There was no one there but the two of them now, but this was Cullen’s office. He was always getting messages and reports delivered to him. Someone could walk in on them at any moment. If she was interrupted, she feared she’d lose her nerve.
“Could we speak privately?”
“Privately?” he repeated. He rubbed the back of his neck – was he nervous? Unsure? “Um, yes. Shall we walk?”
She nodded, and followed him out one of the doors and onto the ramparts. She was fortunate again – this space was also unoccupied. Could this be her lucky day? She tried not to be too eager. Luck wasn't really her strong suit.
The thought made her even more nervous than before. She opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Flushing slightly, she swallowed, attempting to wet a throat that had suddenly gone dry.
“It’s a… nice day.”
She looked up, surprised. “What?” she said flatly. Now why did that come out so easily?! She couldn’t make an articulate sentence to save her life right now, but of course, the stupid reactionary words came out just perfect. Typical.
“It’s…” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck again. “There was something you wished to discuss.”
She nodded, coming to stand closer to him. She couldn’t do this with five feet of space between them. “Cullen, I…” She hesitated, looking up into his expectant face. His warm, golden brown eyes were oddly hopeful. Perhaps he knew what she was going to say? The thought cheered her, and gave her the courage to continue. “I care for you a great deal, Cullen, and I… could you maybe feel the same for me? Though I'm a mage?”
“Yes! I mean, I do!” He broke off, flustered. “I have often wondered what I might say in this moment. I can’t say I haven’t wondered what it would be like.”
Her heart surged in her chest. This was good, right? Right? “Then what’s stopping you?” she asked lightly. Her chest felt tight, compressed. It made her voice sound higher than it actually was, but she couldn’t bring herself to feel embarrassed. Not now.
“You’re the Inquisitor,” he replied. “We’re at war. You…” He broke off, moving closer to her. She backed up against the side of the battlements now; she could feel the cold mountain air on her back, but she’d never felt warmer. “I didn’t think it was possible.”
She smiled. “And yet I’m still here.”
“So you are.” He returned her smile, settling his hands on her hips. It was like lightning, the blood throbbing in her veins at the intimate touch. He was so close to her now, even as he continued to draw closer to her. If she were to just tilt her head, ever so much… “It seems too much to ask. But I want to-” He didn’t need to finish the sentence. She knew exactly what he was going to say. She left her eyes drift shut in anticipation, pulse quickening, blood heating –
“Commander!”
Her eyes wrenched open, heart skipping a beat, and the Commander’s hands were off her, his attention diverted.
“You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana’s report, ser!”
“What?” Cullen positively growled at the messenger. She’d never heard him sound so angry – well, maybe when she’d brought the mages back as allies instead of captives, but she couldn’t really blame him for that one. Habits died hard.
“Sister Leliana’s report. You wanted it delivered without delay!” Completely oblivious, the messenger walked up to them, handing the papers over. Cullen swiped them angrily, almost ripping the pages in two. He then turned back to her, an apologetic look on his face replacing the angry one.
But she couldn’t do it. It was too much. Her nerves felt raw and exposed, overstimulated and then shocked back into normalcy. Her courage fled her, draining from her body like fluid from a punctured waterskin.
“I have to go,” she said thickly, slipping out of his grasp before he could do anything.
“Inquisitor!” Cullen reached out a hand to stop her, but she evaded the attempt easily, running towards the stairs and back to the main hall. “Evelyn!” That almost stopped her. He’d never said her real name before. But she couldn’t stop now; her cheeks were aflame with embarrassment, and she felt slightly faint. She didn’t want this to happen with her in this state.
Damn it all!
* * * * *
She was furious.
Having had some time to think on what had happened, she’d given herself time to mope. She’d let the embarrassment fade, and the disappointment ebb. But then the anger had started.
How dare that messenger interrupt them! How dare he be so stupid as to not notice what had been going on! They had been having a moment! You only got so many moments in a lifetime – and he’d gone and ruined one of them! It was completely unacceptable.
She kicked the door to the mess hall open, her eyes scanning the room. Silence met her ears as she looked over the crowd, looking for the messenger. It was difficult – they all bloody looked the same! Maker forbid they alter their uniforms to show some individuality!
But he had to be here.
She’d searched every other possible location, and unless Leliana had sent him out into the field, this was where he’d be. Maybe he knew she was looking for him. Maybe he was skulking around like a pet dog that had shit on your floor.
There! That was him!
She rushed him like a bull. He wasn’t getting away from her! She grabbed him by the arm and dragged him out of the hall into a private corner, him spluttering all the way. When they were alone, she shoved him up against the wall.
“Lady Inquisitor!” he choked out. “H-have I done s-something wrong?”
“Jim,” she spat out. “That’s your name, isn’t it?”
“Y-yes!”
“You ruined a very important conversation between me and the Commander earlier today,” she snapped. “Do you remember that?”
“But Sister Leliana’s report!”
“I don’t give a damn about Sister Leliana’s report!” She huffed in annoyance, but relaxed her hold on the messenger. “Now. You made the mistake this afternoon. You did this. You owe me.” She let her magic bloom around her, sparks coming off her slight frame. Jim's eyes widened nervously as a few of them touched his clothes, leaving little burn marks everywhere.
"W-what?" he asked nervously.
"You are going to help me with something, yes?" She let the sparks intensify for a moment.
"O-of course, L-lady Inquisitor! Whatever you n-need!"
* * * * *
Cullen was not having a good day. It had started off pleasantly enough. He hadn’t had nightmares the previous night, so he’d gotten a fairly decent sleep. And he’d awoken without a headache. The withdrawal pangs hadn’t bothered him at all, in fact. And then Evelyn had come to see him.
She was like a spot of brightness in the darkness of the world. Like a star, illuminating the night sky. He couldn’t deny that he wanted her. But it wasn’t purely physical. He was drawn to her – her body, her courage, her determination, her dry wit, her sunny disposition throughout the turbulence… he had never met anyone quite like her.
And for whatever reason, she seemed to like him in the same manner.
It was inexplicable, of course. She could have any man in Thedas. Well, maybe not Dorian, but that was purely a matter of taste. She lacked his preferred… parts. But really, why would she want him? An ex-Templar with a most dubious past, a prior lyrium addict, and professed mage hater? He'd tried to atone for his past sins, but there was only so much he could do.
Not for the first time, he asked himself: why?
He sighed. It didn’t matter now anyways. He’d had his chance earlier, and she’d run away. It was probably too late to fix the situation.
“Commander!”
Cullen looked up as a messenger burst into his office. He scowled; it was that same man from earlier. Jim, was it? Damn it all, did the man not know when to quit? “What?” he demanded.
“It’s the Inquisitor, ser!”
Wait. What was this?
“Yes?” he asked, listening a little more closely now. “What about her?”
“You have to help, ser! She’s fallen, and she can’t up!”
* * * * *
She stared up at the night sky; it was a very peaceful night. There were no clouds to obscure the stars. She would never tire of seeing them, of seeing pure, midnight sky. Not after seeing the Breach pulsate at all hours of the day, a malignant blight across the expanse. She would never take the sky for granted again. Seeing it now only made her desire to defeat Corypheus that much stronger.
She would, however, do well to never be put in this position again. She still wasn’t sure how she’d talked Jim into this. He’d proved very resistant, despite some… intense magical persuasion.
But he owed her. He owed it to both of them.
She heard footsteps now, faint, but growing louder as they approached her. She turned her head slightly, the rotten wood around her obscuring the view.
“Inquisitor!”
Maker, but even his voice set her blood to sparkling. It made her tingle, from the tips of her toes, to the insides of her thighs, even up to her ears. “Commander!” she called out, lifting an arm out of the rubble to alert him to her location. “Over here!”
He was there almost instantly, staring down at her. His brow was drawn up in concern, an emotion mirrored in his molten eyes. “Inquisitor, are you alright?” he asked. He looked around at the rotten beams that she’d arranged quite artfully around her body.
It had to look natural, you see. Otherwise, he’d know exactly what she’d done.
“I’m fine,” she said hurriedly, smiling. “But this is a bit… uncomfortable.”
“Of course, I’ll get you out,” he said, standing. He began to pull at the beams, one by one, moving carefully so they didn’t fall on top of her and really injure her. “Maker’s breath, what happened?”
“I was exploring,” she replied, doing her best to sound sheepish. “Stepped on a patch of rotten wood, and the whole thing came tumbling down!” She laughed nervously.
“And you couldn’t… magic your way out of this?”
“I used a lot of magic in the Emerald Graves,” she said, rehearsing the answer she’d thought up. “My mana hasn’t quite been restored yet.”
He grunted as he moved a particularly large beam of wood out of the way, letting it drop to the floor unceremoniously. He almost had her free.
“You should be more careful,” he admonished her. His tone was gentle though. There was no bite to his words. “We cannot afford to lose you due to missteps while… exploring.”
“I know,” she said softly. She wiggled her hips experimentally, seeing if she could work herself free just yet. They pulled through easily, and she moved into a seated position. Cullen was instantly at her side, pulling her up and out of the rubble. “We’ll have to get someone to clean that up,” she said, motioning to the wood. “It’s a hazard. And who knows what else in this crumbling tower-”
Her words were cut off as his lips crushed into hers.
She gasped in surprise, and he took the opportunity to deepen the kiss, his tongue darting in to her mouth to taste her. Involuntarily, she made a pleasured noise in her throat that sounded suspiciously like a moan. Her hands came up to his neck even as his wound tightly around her.
He broke away briefly, staring at her.
“Cullen,” she breathed huskily.
But then his mouth was back on hers, softer this time, gentler. He eased his lips over hers, as if he were memorizing their shape, their feel. She clutched her hands in the fur of his cloak, pulling him closer. She wanted more, needed more.
He groaned into her as their bodies finally connected. She could feel his warmth through his armor; it seeped into her body. His hands were tight as they moved from her back to her hips, holding her steady as her body quivered. She gasped as he pushed into her suddenly, the pressure entirely delicious.
And just like that, he was pulling away.
She looked up at him, panting to regain the breath he’d stolen. He too was sucking in deep gulps of oxygen. But judging from the happy grin on his face, he wasn’t too worse for wear.
He leaned down, pressing his forehead against hers. She could feel his breath fan her cheek as he murmured her name. “Evelyn.”
“Mmm?” She leaned up, letting her nose rub against his.
“‘The Inquisitor has fallen, and she can’t get up’?” He snickered, and she could feel the vibrations in his chest. He pressed a light kiss to her nose, and then both of her cheeks, and then finally one more on her lips.
“Was it obvious?” she asked, wincing. She hadn’t fooled him for an instant then; he’d seen through the whole ruse from the start.
“Oh, no, it was very convincing.”
She punched him lightly, and he grinned at the feeble attempt. “You’re making fun of me,” she accused. But her tone was playful. Nothing could spoil her mood right now.
“I would never,” he said. “I’m much too frightened of the Lady Inquisitor to ever mock her.”
“Something tells me that you’re not telling the truth,” she replied.
He leaned down swiftly and kissed her hard. “You’ll never know,” he murmured against her lips, grinning. He broke away then, turning to look at the wreckage of the tower room. He kept a hold of her hand though, as if he couldn’t part from her entirely.
“So what really happened here?” he asked, surveying the damage.
“I… may or may not have... magically arranged the beams that way,” she admitted. He looked down at her, raising an eyebrow in wry amusement. “I really couldn’t get up,” she said defensively.
“And how in Thedas did you manage to get Jim to agree to this?”
She sniffed. “I can be very persuasive when I need to be.”
He laughed outright at that. She looked over at him in surprise. She’d never heard him laugh – not really. It was full, and melodious; the sound of it warmed her heart. She hoped she could make him laugh more in the days to come. If anyone deserved it, Cullen did. After everything he’d been through.
“I’m sure you can,” he replied amiably. “Maker, I don’t know which of you would be worse – you or Leliana.”
“Leliana wasn’t robbed of a moment by a stupid, oblivious messenger!”
“… a ‘moment’?”
“Yes, a moment,” she said. He shot her a confused glance, and she sighed. “A moment. It’s a… a thing between two people, when their emotions are high, and they come to some sort of mutual agreement, or understanding, or bonding, or… it's just a moment.”
“A moment,” he repeated, turning to face her.
“Yes!” she snapped. “And Jim robbed us of our moment!”
He chuckled then; this laugh was different. It was low, and sensual, and it sent shivers down her spine. “Perhaps I can help with that,” he offered.
She looked up through her lashes. The heat in his eyes was smoldering. “Oh?” It was all she was capable of saying.
“Perhaps I can give you another moment,” he continued. “To make up for the one you lost?” He bent down, kissing her lightly, teasingly. Her breath caught in her throat, and she moved to return the kiss, but he pulled away.
“Maybe,” she said.
“I’ll take that,” he murmured, kissing her again.
She hummed in delight. “I thought you might.”
It wasn’t the ideal image of a first kiss – at night, in a crumbling tower, surrounded by the smell of fetid wood. She’d never imagined it would be like this. But that was the funny thing about moments. You didn’t get to pick when they happened. And they were never quite what you expected them to be.
But in her opinion, it was infinitely better that way.