Chapter Text
“Please, please, wake up. El. Wake up.”
Mike was gripping her shoulder so tightly he was afraid he was leaving bruises. Her hand was in his other hand, but when he squeezed it, she still didn’t squeeze back. In fact, she hadn’t moved in ages, other than her eyes moving back and forth behind her eyelids, lost in some trance-like state. The lights had stopped flickering, too, fueling his anxiety.
Mike had gone from defeated to beside himself. He could hear Will crying quietly behind him, and only when a tear fell onto El’s cheek did he realize he was crying too.
It was taking too long. Nothing was working. His knuckles turned white as he gripped onto El even tighter, refusing to let her go. He could not lose her. He would not lose her. He would never give up, no matter how hopeless he felt.
He leaned forward so his lips were nearly touching her ear and said, through his tears, “Come on, El, please. Wake up, El. El!”
(She heard his voice. It was far away and she was so, so tired, but she heard it, like a shimmer of light cutting through the dark.)
With a gasp, she was back.
Eyes wild, arms immediately reaching, her face full of anguish and fear until her eyes settled on the trembling boy beside her. Her hands fumbled against him, grabbing at his shirt, his neck, his hair, his face.
“Oh my God, Eleven,” he sighed out, his voice breaking as he said her name. His knees nearly gave out beneath him but he willed himself to stand so he did not crush her. Her hands had finally settled on either side of his face and Mike brought his hands up to cover them, squeezing gently around her wrists. “It’s okay, you’re safe. I’m here. I’m right here.” Her eyes searched his face, less frantic than they had been a second ago. Mike pressed a kiss to the palm of her hand to reassure her he was really there (and, honestly, to reassure himself that she was, too). “Are you okay?”
El tried to speak but it came out as a choked sob, her eyes full of tears. He was already reacting, moving to embrace her as her grip on him tightened and started to pull him towards her. He held her against him, his face pressed against the top of her head, as she balled his jacket into her fists, one near his heart, the other at his back, holding him tightly, and started to sob.
Jonathan raised his head from the cool countertop where it had been resting in relief since El regained consciousness. His eyes swept over the scene before him, of the indistinguishable heap that was El and Mike, and mumbled, “Lets, uh, give them some space.” Tilting his head sharply towards the door while looking at Argyle, he gave Will a firm squeeze on the shoulder. “C’mon,” he said quietly, and Will gave the heap a quick embrace before swiping at his eyes and leaving the room ahead of his brother.
“But, bro, wait - did she? Did she do it? Did she win?” Argyle protested as Jonathan shoved his shoulder towards the swinging double doors of the kitchen. “Or does crying mean she lost…?”
“Shh!” Jonathan scolded, then murmured quietly, “I don’t know, alright? Sometimes…sometimes she’s like that after, from the effort,” he ran a hand through his hair, perplexed, remembering how incoherent El was after her encounter with Billy last summer, not just from the effort, but the trauma of what she had seen. Anxiety welled in his chest as he wondered what she had seen now that was causing her to react in this way. “No matter what happened in there, we’ll have to wait until she’s had some time to rest to find out.”
Argyle opened his mouth to protest more, but the look on Jonathan’s face stopped him before any sound came out. He slumped his shoulders in resignation and left the kitchen without any more questions.
“Mike, call if you need us. Okay?” Jonathan called out as he paused in the doorway. Mike’s response was more of a whimper than words, but Jonathan seemed to understand.
It was a long time before either Mike or El moved. Mike was relishing in the feeling of her in his arms, her breath on his neck, her hands moving against his back, assuring him that she really was back, and present in herself again. He could feel her heart racing through her wet clothes, the speed matching his own. Their bodies were trembling, and he couldn’t tell if it was from her shivering or both of them crying and he didn’t really care. He only cared that she was there, she was back, she was okay.
After a long while El pulled back enough to look at him, taking in his face properly, her eyes tired and sad. She leaned back wearily in his arms, gravity and exhaustion taking over. Mike tightened his grip on her shoulders as she wobbled in his arms, taking in her heavy lidded eyes and the trail of blood under her nose.
Gripping her tighter with one arm, he reached under the counter, his hand fumbling around until he had a dish towel in his grasp. He raised it to her face and asked, “Can I?” At El’s consenting nod, he gently dabbed at the blood, his brows furrowing slightly, his lips pressed together in concentration.
As the cloth stained scarlet, Mike noted how little blood there was in comparison to last summer, wondering briefly if less blood was good or bad (it had to be good, right?), and if this meant that El and her newly returned powers were even stronger than they once were.
He knew they were, given he had seen her bring down a helicopter outside the NINA lab with hardly a pause afterwards, when lesser efforts had drained her and brought her to collapse before. The thought of her powers being even greater than before was one that both awed and terrified him, since he was always amazed by her, but could never shake the fear in the back of his mind that using her powers might be physically harmful to her. Swallowing hard, he forced himself to shove those fears aside and instead focus on what was in front of him, on what mattered - El, alive and okay.
She looked so tired, like she always did after a long experience in the void. It took a lot out of her, and this was no exception - in fact, Mike believed this might’ve been her most draining challenge ever, given how she had stopped being able to speak to him from in the bath. His heart clenched in his chest at the memory of her convulsing as though she was hurt, going silent and choking and not responding, and he found he couldn’t stand a moment more, gathering her back into his arms and dropping beside her to sit on the metal countertop.
“Mike?” She spoke for the first time, resting heavily but comfortably in the crook of his neck. “Are you okay?”
He almost laughed, then, that she would be worried about him in this moment when she could hardly hold herself upright. He let out a half chuckle-half sob, pulling her closer and burying his nose into the top of her head.
“I am now,” he said, pressing his lips onto her scalp. “I was really scared, though. You didn’t wake up for so long, I-” he stammered, the rest of the words lost in his throat.
El used all her energy to slide her hand up Mike’s chest to rest on the side of his neck, her fingertips grazing the ends of his hair. “I understand,” she said, barely above a whisper. “I’m sorry I scared you.”
Mike dug his fingernails into his knee, trying to get a grip. He should be caring for her right now, not the other way around. “What do you need right now, El? Are you cold?”
She shook her head gently. “Just - just stay with me. Like this,” she breathed, her head feeling heavier on his shoulder, and Mike tightened his grip around her waist, keeping her close.
More moments passed. Mike didn’t want to rush her - he wanted to let her rest as it was obvious she was completely spent. But the anxiety that had dissipated into relief as soon as she woke up was bubbling up in him again and he found himself asking before he could stop himself.
“Did…did you defeat - is he gone?”
El’s body stiffened, and Mike worried he had said the wrong thing. She lifted her head and sat up, and he immediately missed her closeness. “I’m sorry. I - You don’t have to tell me everything,” Mike said, hurriedly, feeling like an idiot for pushing her too soon, “just - is everyone okay?”
She nodded twice, hesitantly, and then shook her head vigorously, squeezing her eyes closed as tears streamed down her face. Mike’s eyes widened and he worked hard to contain his reaction, though he felt like his legs might give way beneath him again. His brain raced a mile a minute with all the questions he had. Was everyone okay? Did anyone die? How was Max? Nancy? His friends? Hawkins?
Instead, he did his best to still his shaking hands and rubbed El’s back up and down in comforting strokes, keeping his eyes on the floor.
“Max…” El finally sobbed.
Mike sucked in a breath sharply, the hair on the back of his neck standing up. “Max?”
“I think…I think he is gone but Max,” she was hard to understand through her sobs. “Before I got to him, he – he hurt her,” she tipped her face up towards him, eyes swollen and red, cheeks wet with tears. Her eyes looked more than wounded, Mike realized – they were horrified. Traumatized. “He hurt her a lot.”
Mike swallowed hard, his lips a firm line. He could process this later, but right now, Eleven needed him. “Oh, El,” he said finally, wiping a stray tear from her cheek with his thumb. “I’m so sorry.” He desperately wanted to know more, but he knew how hard this was for her, especially after the effort she’d just put out in the void. He would never push her.
“Papa said…he said I wasn’t ready,” she said, and Mike’s eyebrows raised in surprise at the mention of Dr. Brenner. “He said I would lose, and I did. He was right. I tried hard but…he was right,” she said quietly, her body sagging with defeat. “Now Max is hurt and I couldn’t stop it. It’s my fault.” She leaned forward then, burying her face into the front of his shirt where she continued to sob.
Mike’s heart sank, and a rise of anger flushed his cheeks. Of course that monster told her that, made her doubt herself, when Mike knew she did all she could. He saw, from here in a pizza parlor in Nevada that she gave everything, everything she could against 001. She didn’t need seeds of doubt planted in her abilities, she needed encouragement and support, and he couldn’t imagine not giving that to her, always.
Mike’s head was shaking before he even spoke. “No, El. No,” he gently pulled away from her just enough to tip her chin up towards him, so she could see his eyes. “You did your best. I know you did.” He bit his lip, thoughtful. “Without you, Max would be a lot more than just hurt.”
She dipped her eyes down, avoiding his gaze, so he moved to kneel in front of her so they could be face to face. “Listen, I meant what I said. I believe you can do anything.” His face flushed involuntarily at the mention of all he had confessed while she was in the void earlier. “I mean, I don’t know if you heard me say that, any of that, but...I believe you can do anything. Anything! And even if you can’t, I know that you’ll never give up.” She tilted her head to the side slightly as she listened to him, absorbing his words.
“It's – it's not your fault, El,” Mike concluded, his chocolate eyes sincere as ever. “None of this is your fault. And no matter what happened in there, I’m proud of you.”
El’s chin wobbled as she looked up at him, and she pressed her lips together in an effort to compose herself. Her eyes softened, and he thought for a moment she might cry again, so he pulled her into his arms, burying his nose into her shoulder as she nuzzled her chin into his neck. Mike could feel her shake as she let out ragged breaths, trying to reign in her tears.
His mind continued to race as new anxieties plagued his thoughts. He hoped she was right that 001 was dead, because he didn’t want her to have to go through this ever again - to put her own life on the line to save everyone else, which she would never stop doing as long as the Upside Down and all its threats existed, he knew. Every time she went to battle Mike felt sick, keenly aware of how easily he could lose her, which was just not an option for him. To stand by, helpless, and watch her walk into danger over and over was more than he could bear.
He squeezed her tightly as he took a deep breath, steadying himself. He couldn't fight on her behalf (though he would in a heartbeat if he was able), but he would be strong for her now - she needed him.
El leaned back again, and nearly fell off the table, too exhausted to hold herself up. “Whoa,” Mike said, catching her shoulders in his hands. “Time to rest, El.”
El nodded, shivering. “But not here. We still have to get back.” She pointed to the door where Jonathan, Will and Argyle had departed earlier.
Mike nodded, sensing the urgency in her voice. Without thinking, he got to his feet and stood in front of El, his back to her. Bending his knees slightly, he reached an arm out behind him. “Can you slide on?” he asked, and within seconds he felt her body against him, her jeans damp under his hands, her arms wrapped around his neck. He felt her head flop against his shoulder wearily.
Standing, he piggybacked her out of the kitchen and into the restaurant, where the three boys were sitting – Will biting his nails, Jonathan with his head in his hands, elbows resting on the table, Argyle staring absentmindedly at the ceiling, mouth gaping open. All three of them leapt to their feet when they saw Mike and El enter the room.
“Mike?” Will asked, a million questions on his face.
“We have to get back to Hawkins.” Mike’s mouth set in a firm line, his grip tightening on El’s legs as he spoke. “We need to leave. Now.”
2 hours later
The icy water from the faucet felt like needles pricking her skin, but El scooped another handful and ran it over her eyes anyway.
She was thankfully alone in the gas station bathroom, taking in her appearance for the first time since she left the NINA lab. She hardly recognized herself, she thought, as she looked over her reflection in the grimy mirror - shorn hair, swollen red eyes, puffy pale face. Nothing like the girl she was a few days ago. Not that she felt like that girl anymore, either.
Shaking her head, she gave her hands one final rinse before wiping them quickly over her thighs and heading out of the bathroom into the night.
It hadn’t taken long for the dark night sky and the gentle rocking of the van to ease El into sleep once they started their trek for Hawkins, though not before she cried more tears than she knew a human could cry. Everything that had just happened - what she learned about Henry’s past and her part in it, Papa’s betrayal and death, reuniting with Mike, and Will, finding out about the imminent danger Max and her friends were in back in Hawkins, failing to save Max from Henry - it had all caught up to her. Her head was pounding, like all the things she’d learned and seen were trying to break out of her brain and spill out messily all over the people she loved, more than it already had. The guilt was crushing, and she wondered if it would be a weight she would ever lay down, even if she lived to be 100 years old.
And so she had cried and cried, until she slept, hard and furiously, the kind of sleep that feels like hard work instead of rest. Occasionally she woke up to the turns of the van, and, hearing Lucas’ sobs ringing in her ears, would manage to find more tears before sleep took her again.
While the first hour was rough, by the time the second was through she had slept somewhat more peacefully, exhaustion finally overpowering all else. She had awoken only a few minutes ago as the van pulled to a stop, Argyle slamming the door loudly on his way out to fill up with gas. Jonathan told the crew this was a good chance to stretch their legs and use the bathroom, as well as get some food for the next few hours of the drive.
While it was a somewhat rude awakening, it hadn’t been all bad, as she woke up curled against Mike’s chest, his arm wrapped tightly around her shoulders - a bright side if there was one right now. She could hear his heartbeat, steady and sure, through the thin fabric of his jacket and wondered if he had been sleeping, too.
As they detangled from one another, neither of them had spoken, though Mike looked at her with enough concern on his face to make El feel guilty for a century. She hated to make him worry, but she knew she had scared him - not just in the bath, but in the van afterwards as she processed what all had happened. She could tell he was trying to give her some space, but her pain made it impossible for him to fully stay away, and so he had sat an arm’s length away, his hand resting on her lower back; and then up to her shoulder, where she had clung to it for dear life, gripping his fingers until they turned white. He was silent, but strong, and he was exactly what she needed, though she couldn’t say it at the time.
What she needed. He had always been what she needed. Good, when all she had known was bad. Kind, when others were cruel. Gentle, when the waters around her were rough. A north star when she felt lost, shining brightly to guide her to safety, to where she needed to be. He had always been a safe place to land, since the day she met him - since the day he took her, trembling and terrified, into his home, offered her warmth and shelter and decency; kept her secrets and kept his promises.
She loved him so deeply she felt like her heart could burst. Even now, when everything was going to shit, and she felt like sadness and grief would plague her forever, he made her heart feel light. Only Mike could do that.
And he loves me. The thought stopped her in her tracks on her way across the dim parking lot. The cold water on her face and the chilly night air seemed to have cleared her head, and it occurred to her that she hadn’t said anything to Mike yet about any of this, about what he had said to her when she needed it most.
What was it he had he said to her after she woke up, when they were alone in the pizza shop’s kitchen? “Listen, I meant what I said. I don’t know if you heard me say that, any of that…” El ran a hand over her hair, grasping the top of her head in shocked realization. Mike didn’t even know that she heard what he said. He had no idea if she remembered any of it now that she was awake.
But, oh, she remembered. Her heart leapt to her throat as she recalled his words. I love you on your good days, I love you on your bad days. I love you with your powers, I love you without your powers. I love you for exactly who you are. El let out a happy gasp at the memory, her hand moving to her chest as though she could contain her heart from flying out of her body in elation. Did that actually happen? Is that what he really, truly said?
It was everything she had ever wanted to hear, and at the same time everything she had already known to be true. Mike hadn't said it like that before, but he did show her, every day. He had always shown her his love - but to hear it, in his own words, made her heart flip and soar, and made it so much more clear to her that he had been telling her he loved her all along, just in his own way.
They hadn’t had a moment to talk about it yet, but that had to change. That moment was now, if El had anything to do with it.
Mike was leaning against the back of the van, hands in his pockets. She could feel his eyes on her, able to spot her somehow, even in the dark. He always had an uncanny knack for that, for knowing where she was, and his gaze made her blush slightly as she approached him.
El stopped just in front of him, sure her eyes were wild as they tried to take all of him in at once.
“Hi,” she said, stepping even closer.
“Hi,” he returned, a bemused expression on his face, trying to read her.
Without breaking eye contact, El reached out her hand to link her fingers together with his. Cocking her head to the side, she asked, “Want to walk with me?”
Bemusement turned to confusion as Mike asked, “Uh, walk?” He looked around at their surroundings - concrete slabs and complete darkness.
“Yes,” El replied, her mouth twitching to a half smile. “Just to…be alone?”
Mike’s expression softened, his eyebrows lifting as his lips pulled to a smile, too. “Yeah!” he said eagerly, nodding and squeezing her hand. “Yeah, a walk sounds good.”
“Will!” El called, causing Mike to whip his head around to see Will stretching against the passenger side door. He had no idea Will was there, or that El had a knack for always knowing where Will was, much like he did for her.
“Yeah?” Will asked.
“We’re going for a walk. Be back soon. Don’t worry,” she added, pulling on Mike’s hand as she turned on her heel and took off.
“Uh, okay?” Will replied, before sighing and saying, “Just don’t take too long. Or go too far!”
They didn’t have to walk more than a few yards to be engulfed in darkness and starlight, but they walked a few yards more just to be sure. Their walk was quiet, with Mike sneaking glances El’s way every so often trying to figure out what was going on, while El tried to hold in the emotions that were coursing through her, ready to burst out.
The air was cold and the sky was clear, littered with stars and a gleaming half moon that offered just enough light to guide their stumbling steps. The darkness around them felt cozy, and the chill was welcome as it drew them nearer to one another, seeking each other's warmth.
El finally slowed to a stop, turning to face Mike. In the moonlight she could just make out his features - his shining chocolate eyes, shadows of freckles on his alabaster skin. He looked at her with wonder on his face, and before she knew it she was leaning in to kiss him, her hand still clasped in his.
Mike sighed into their kiss, a mix of relief and happiness, his lips softening against hers in the most pleasant way. She could feel the tension in his body disappear the longer their lips moved together. When she pulled away to look up at him, she swore she saw stars in his eyes, joining the constellation of freckles that danced across his face.
He released her hands and pulled her into him, pressing his lips on her forehead as his arms wrapped around her shoulders. She turned her head to let it rest against his chest, and smiled as she listened to his heart, beating faster now than it had been, her smile growing knowing it was the result of her kiss.
Mike rested his chin on the top of her head, and sighed again - deep, and blissful, and she burrowed deeper into his embrace. Being in his arms like this, under the stars like this, made her almost forget they weren’t just normal teenagers sneaking away for a moment alone. Everything may be going wrong, and there may be more pressing things to do, but was this not important too? Did they not deserve a moment like this, between everything that happened before and whatever lay ahead?
El knew they didn’t have much time, and so she broke the comfortable silence.
“Mike?”
“Yeah?” he replied, tilting his head to rest his cheek on her head, and giving her shoulders a squeeze.
El took a deep breath, enjoying the feeling of being his arms. She felt her lips pull into a smile before she spoke.
“I heard.”
Mike’s body stiffened for an instant in her embrace, a small gasp escaping his lips. “You…you heard?”
Slowly, El pulled out of Mike’s embrace, sliding her hands up his chest to lay her hands flat against the collar of his jacket on either side of his neck. “Before, when I was in the void, I heard,” she repeated, looking up into his eyes that still rivaled the stars. “Everything you said.” Her tired eyes shone with a host of different emotions, everything all at once.
Mike’s mouth parted slightly in surprise, his eyebrows disappearing once more under his hair. A flush rose on his cheeks and neck but he smiled, lips closed, more relieved than embarrassed.
“I meant it, El,” he said, his voice as earnest and soft as his eyes, his grip tightening on her waist. “I meant every word.”
Her lips pulled into a smile as her right hand moved up to push his hair back and cup his face. They moved towards each other automatically, like space didn’t belong between them, as their foreheads pressed together. El bumped his nose with her own, her hand remaining lost in his hair.
“My life started that day, too,” she finally said, nuzzling her face closer and closer into his. “It really did.” She closed the gap between them and their lips met, her other hand moving to his face to hold it firmly and tenderly against her cold palms.
Their kiss was just like the two of them – strong, intense, and soft and tender all at once. El tried to pour every bit of her feelings into the kiss, and Mike eagerly responded, his hands coming to gently clasp her wrists as his lips met hers again and again.
Neither of them noticed that back by the gas station, the lights had started flickering, faster and faster until one of the streetlamps burned so brightly it blew out. The sound of the bulb bursting, as well as someone screaming made Mike and El jump away from each other, looking around in surprise.
“Jesus Christ! That nearly gave me a heart attack!” Argyle’s voice called in the distance, followed by Jonathan’s muffled reply.
El felt something warm and familiar on her upper lip, and reached up tentatively to find the smallest spot of red on her fingertip. Mike looked at her in stunned awe, his mouth agape. “Did you…? Was that…?” he squeaked out, craning his neck towards the gas station before facing her again.
“I think…yes,” she said, and then she started to giggle, her hand over her mouth.
“What? How?” Mike asked, taking her shoulders in his hands and inspecting her face, brows furrowing slightly. His voice softened. “Are you okay?”
El felt like she could melt under his gaze. She smiled, planting a quick kiss on his nose. “Yes,” she said. “I am okay.” She put her hands on either side of his neck, tilting her head slightly as smiled up at him. “I think I just really liked your kiss.”
Mike’s mouth opened into an ‘o’ as his eyebrows shot up in amazement. Realization spread over his face. “You mean - ?”
Before he could find the words to finish his thought, he let out an astonished chuckle, and El threw her head back and released the laugh she had been holding in. They clung to each other for support as they bent over in laughter, a delightful release.
Once their laughter slowed, their foreheads met as they caught their breath.
“Well, that was new! Is that going to happen every time we kiss now?” Mike asked, still breathing harder than usual.
“I hope not!” El giggled, before releasing a deep sigh. Mike’s hands had found hers again, his thumbs drawing ticklish circles on the inside of her wrists. For a moment the only sound in their dark getaway was the sound of their breathing.
“We should get back,” El finally said, sad to end this moment.
“Yeah,” Mike agreed, though neither of them moved.
El closed her eyes, memorizing everything she could about this moment. The feeling of Mike’s hands, his breath on her face, the cool night air, the hard ground beneath her feet, the silence in the air, wrapping them like a bubble that she wished she could stay in forever.
Mike’s voice broke the silence. “Um, El?”
“Yes?” she replied softly, her eyes still closed.
“I love you.”
El’s eyes fluttered open as she leaned back enough to look up at Mike, who was looking at her almost nervously, his eyes full of emotion.
She exhaled, her eyes softening and filling with tears - a different kind of tears than any of the ones she had shed in the last 8 months. Happy tears.
“I love you,” she said, her voice quiet and true, before tilting her head so their foreheads rested together again.
The sharp blast of the van horn jolted them out of the moment.
“Shit. We gotta go,” Mike said, sliding his hand back into El's. “C’mon.”
As they climbed into the back of the van, Argyle was nearly vibrating in the passenger seat, prophesying about aliens and UFOs and how he was certain he was nearly beamed up just now.
Mike and El just eyed each other, El biting down on a Twizzler to keep from laughing, as Jonathan peered at them through the rearview mirror suspiciously.
This time, as she curled up against Mike’s chest, listening to the steady beat of his heart, she fell into a deep, more peaceful sleep.