Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

With the Kraang gone everything should be back to normal. Their family was still whole and okay. Their injuries were starting to heal, but scars remained, both physical and otherwise

As soon as they'd returned home Leo and his brothers had grabbed every bit of their bedding and curled up on the floor right next to their dad's lounge chair. They just needed to know that the others were there, that even if they weren't okay now they would be eventually.

Usually when they slept together they would be very picky about their sleeping territories. They would spend several minutes arguing and negotiating about who slept next to who, and how much space they all needed. No matter how much planning they put into it they would eventually wake up and somebody was sprawled all over somebody else, and fighting would quickly ensue.

Today none of them could bring themselves to care about their personal bubbles, even Donnie. They'd all had a long and exhausting, and completely traumatizing day, and they needed each other's company. Curling up against each other in their sleep was what they were all counting on.

Mikey tried to play the part of a blanket, draping himself across the laps of his brothers so he could be in contact with all of them at the same time. Donnie contented himself with letting his brothers take control of the physical contact, accepting whatever was given to him.

Raph was big enough that he could hold onto all of them at once, and his grip was firm and comforting. Leo was glad for his big brother's touch, because it made it that much easier to hide the fact that he was clinging desperately to Raph.

Leo couldn't get out of his head how many times today he'd thought that he'd lost Raph. His older brother had been the one constant in his life, and Leo had never thought that he'd ever had to be without him, and then the Kraang had come and Leo felt nothing but absolutely terrified.

Raph fell asleep almost immediately, his exhaustion and ease with his brothers just knocked him right out. Mikey fell asleep soon after. Donnie shifted around every few minutes, though Leo didn't know if it was because that big brain of his wasn't calming down, or if he was too sore to easily get comfortable. Eventually Donnie too stilled and dozed off, leaving just Leo wide awake and staring at the ceiling.

His body was exhausted and hurt, and Leo knew that it was just begging for sleep, but he couldn't. If he so much as closed his eyes he was filled with an overwhelming anxiety. He knew that his brothers were right there, but if he couldn't see them he felt like they were gone forever. Leo had to be able to see his brothers. He had to know for sure that they were okay.

Leo now understood Raph's anxiety when he was separated from them, and he wasn't ever going to tease his older brother for his unease ever again. Leo just couldn't shake the thought that his brothers could be ripped right away from him, and he couldn't let that happen. Leo had thought that he'd lost Raph enough times today, and he wasn't going through that pain again.

When Leo's eyes got too heavy and it felt physically impossible to stay awake he curled closer to Raph and hoped that the physical contact would be enough to remind him that his brother was right there, right within reach if anything happened.

It helped a little bit, and Leo was nearly asleep when he suddenly remembered the sound of the Kraang's tentacle thing stabbing through Raph's shell. The crack. The splattering of the blood. The shell pieces scattered on the ground right next to him. The memory made Leo gasp and snap his eyes wide open. He turned his head to look at Raph, freezing when he saw the new gap in his shell. There was still dried blood on it.

Raph had gotten hurt. If he'd been just a little to the side, either direction, then the tentacle would have gone through his arm, probably maiming him for life, or through his head, killing him. The imagery sent a shiver down Leo's spine and made him want to sob. He swallowed thickly and nuzzled against Raph. His older brother unconsciously wrapped a hand around his shoulder, pulling him closer. Leo was comforted, but the gesture also made him feel more horrified and guilty.

Raph had been right there. He'd risked his own life just to save Leo from his own idiocy. Leo had been just inches away and yet he'd done nothing but watch as his brother's shell was stabbed right through. If Leo hadn't been able to stop Raph from getting hurt when he saw the trouble coming right in front of him, what made him think that he'd be able to protect him from a potential threat that could sneak right up on them as they slept?

Leo couldn't afford to sleep. What if he woke up and Raph, or any one of their other brothers, was gone? Leo would never be able to forgive himself if something happened to his brothers.

How did Raph deal with this all the time? Yes, he was overprotective, and he had a tendency to get angry when they didn't listen to him, but Raph let them do their own thing. He trusted them to take care of themselves and each other. Leo didn't know if he could do that, and it hurt.

He couldn't sleep with the concern that something might happen to his brothers at any given second, but if he didn't sleep then he wouldn't be in any state to protect them if a threat did come by. There was no winning here.

Leo knew that he should trust his brothers to take care of themselves, because they were all just as skilled and capable as he was, but he couldn't shake the thought that his brothers were doomed if he didn't personally save them. How was he supposed to lead his brothers if he couldn't really trust them? A leader was supposed to bring out the best in the team, not take everything upon themselves and treat the others like incompatant children.

Leo didn't know how to do any of this. Was his father insane? Leo barely knew how to be responsible for himself. How could he lead his brothers? Why couldn't Raph remain the leader? He was great at finding a balance between protecting and guiding. Leo saw that now, and he now had first-hand experience that showed just how difficult finding that balance was, and how much Leo wasn't suited for it.

Leo wasn't one to back down from a challenge, but there was a difference between accepting a reckless dare and risking his brother's lives. They would all be better off with Raph as their leader.

It was a hit to Leo's pride, but in the morning he was going to talk to his dad and resign as leader. He was going to give that position back to Raph. His big brother deserved it, and he was the one with the experience and mindset necessary to do the job right.

Leo let out a shuddered breath and just stared up at the ceiling. He was sore all over. If Donnie hadn't been so exhausted when they'd gotten home then they all would have had a thorough check-up immediately. It had been put off for the morning, when Donnie was rested and actually able to focus on their treatment.

Leo knew that he was hurt, he could feel it, but he thought that all of those injuries were superficial and would heal with minimal soreness in just a few days. The Kraang had really gone to town with him, but he'd left just bruises. None of Leo's bones were broken, he didn't even think something was dislocated. Donnie had checked them all for concussions before they'd gone to sleep, and Leo was set. His shell had done its job and kept him safe from serious injury. He was fine, just sore everywhere.

Leo hoped that Donnie focused more on his own injuries and Raph's. Donnie acted like he was fine, but Leo had seen his exposed shell, and he'd seen the bruises, scratches, and weird marks across it. As for Raph, that shell had to be taken care of, and Leo also wanted those scratches near his eye to be checked on, because they were just way too close to his eye for comfort.

Leo wished that he had Donnie's patience, focus, and knowledge. Right now Donnie was the closest thing they had to a medic, which worked okay when they hadn't been fighting for their lives and their worst injuries were because of reckless, stupid stunts. If they were all hurt this badly at once, they needed more than just one person around who knew what they were doing.

Leo briefly considered asking Donnie to show him how to treat his shell, because Donnie couldn't exactly take care of his shell by himself, but Leo knew it wouldn't do any good. No matter how important it was, or how much he should concentrate, his mind wandered and he lost focus. He couldn't do that while taking care of his brother, because what if he accidentally did something that hurt him?

Leo felt absolutely useless. What was he supposed to do? He couldn't protect his brothers. He couldn't lead them. He couldn't even take care of his injuries. Leo knew that he had a place in this family, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that it felt like nothing that he brought to the table helped right now.

A voice was screaming in Leo's head that this wasn't about him. He wanted to protect his family, but if he wasn't good enough then he could stand aside and let the others do what they did best. Leo didn't need to be his family's savior, he just needed them to be okay.

Leo didn't sleep all night, which meant that he was awake, though drowsy, when Mikey shifted in his sleep and nudged his foot against the new gaping hole in Raph's chest. Raph let out a very short, shrill sound of pain that sounded like a cross between a scream and a grunt. The sound was quickly cut off as Raph slammed a hand over his mouth and muffled the sound. If Leo hadn't been awake already he probably wouldn't have been woken up by the sound.

"You okay, bro?" Leo whispered. Raph's eyes snapped open and he looked at Leo in alarm.

"You…you're awake?" Raph's eyes narrowed in concern. He sat up, adjusting his position so his shell was away from Mikey's limbs. "Do you have any idea what time it is?"

"Couldn't sleep." Leo rubbed his arm. He felt bad. Raph had been woken up because his injury was agitated, but he was still more worried about Leo being awake then he was about himself. How often did Raph do this kind of thing, and how could Leo have been so blind to it?

Raph gave Leo a sympathetic look. "Nightmares?"

"Something like that, yeah." Leo muttered. He hadn't had any nightmares, but he didn't doubt that if he fell asleep then his dreams would be full of seeing Raph controlled by the Kraang, or attacked by the Kraang, or tortured by the…well, you get the point.

"Do you want to talk about it?" Raph asked. Leo shook his head before he finished the question. He didn't want to burden his brother more than necessary.

"I'm fine." Leo said. He looked at Raph's shell. "What about you? Is your shell okay?"

"You don't gotta worry about me." Raph tried to wave off his concern. Leo remembered hearing this kind of thing from Raph all the time, and he'd always taken it as a confirmation that he was okay. Only now did Leo realize that Raph hadn't actually said that he was okay.

Leo stood up and held a hand out to his brother. "Come on, let's get your shell taken care of."

"Leo, I'm fi-" Raph started, but Leo wouldn't hear it.

"We both know you're not fine." Leo said sternly. He gave Raph a pleading look. He didn't think that his puppy eyes were as good as Mikey's, but he knew that Raph would have a hard time denying him. "Please. You got hurt because of me. Give me the chance to at least try to fix it."

Raph looked wounded. "Leo, this isn't your fault. You know that, right?" Raph looked desperate. "Please tell me you know that."

Leo sighed. He was too tired to lie. "I'm not backing down, and we both know how stubborn I am. If you don't want to wake the others with our fighting, I suggest you just let me help you with your shell."

Raph sighed, annoyed, but he took Leo's hand and at least gave the illusion that he was pulled to his feet, even though they both knew that Raph was pulling himself up while Leo was doing nothing more than holding his hand.

Raph spent a few long moments adjusting Donnie and Mikey so they were cuddling each other and wouldn't miss their absence. Raph reluctantly followed Leo into Donnie's room. They normally weren't allowed in here without Donnie's approval, which he rarely gave, but both Raph and Leo believed that there were exceptions to every rule.

Raph sat on Donnie's bed while Leo found probably the one medicine thing that he could identify in this room besides a bandage. Donnie called it antibacterial ointment, Leo called it shell stuff, because that's all they used it for. It was a mixture that Donnie put together himself to disinfect and sooth any injury they may get on their shells. He was the one that used it the most, but Donnie also insisted that if any of them needed it then they shouldn't hesitate to use it.

Donnie had made the ointment so that only a small amount was needed to work, but Leo had never been very good at restraint. He got a fair amount of ointment and started gently slathering it on the cracks and injuries on the shell. Raph hissed through his teeth before sighing contently and leaned into Leo's touch.

"Man, that stuff stings." Raph chuckled slightly. "But it also feels so good."

"Donnie knows what he's doing." Leo said. "Just don't tell him I said that. He has a big enough head as it is." He had some leftover ointment on his hands, and he started using it on the other small cuts on Raph's shell, not just the really bad ones.

Leo wanted to act like he was just fine, but when he looked at the shattered bit of Raph's shell he saw the moment replay in his mind. He froze and just stared, his horror and guilt blatant on his face. Raph hummed curiously and looked over his shoulder when Leo stopped. Raph's eyes were full of nothing but sympathy, and it felt like a punch in the gut. Raph was the one that was hurt. He shouldn't be worried about Leo right now.

"Bro, it's not your fault." Raph insisted.

Leo stiffened as his chest tightened. "Then whose fault is it?"

"The Kraang's." Raph said.

"But they wouldn't have been here at all if I'd just listened to you." Leo's hands shook. "You wouldn't have gotten hurt if I'd just listened."

"You couldn't have known what would happen." Raph said quietly.

"That doesn't matter." Leo said.

It matters a lot." Raph turned to face Leo. He pulled him into his arms, and held him tight. Leo wanted to be strong, but he ended up breaking down as soon as he was engulfed in his big brother's arms.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Leo muttered. Raph hushed him and held him tight.

"It's okay, Leo. I'm okay." Raph said. "We're just fine."

"I don't feel fine." Leo shook his head. "And I know you don't either."

Raph was quiet for a long moment before he sighed. "Maybe, but I will be. We all just need a little bit of time…and a lot of rest." Raph pulled back. "You need to get back to sleep."

"I don't think I can yet." Leo said. He didn't say that he hadn't been sleeping at all. He didn't want to worry Raph more. His older brother should just be worrying about himself. "I think I'll go for a walk, or train, or something."

"Okay." Raph said quietly. He didn't sound completely happy, but they all sometimes had a hard time sleeping. Physical activity usually helped to tire them out. "Do you want some company?"

"I'm fine." Leo said. "Go get some sleep."

"Okay." Raph said. "Goodnight, Bro."

"Night." Leo sighed as Raph left the room. Leo sat there for several long minutes before he forced himself to move. He was too drained for training, and he didn't want to go for a walk and leave his family behind, but there was something that he could do.

Leo left Donnie's room, only to turn and make his way to Splinter's room. He felt a little bad for waking his sensei, but he couldn't just sit around and wait for morning. Patience had never been his strong suit. Leo had tried, but he couldn't do it anymore. He felt like he was going crazy in his own head.

Splinter wasn't always the easiest person to open up to, but it was easier to get him to be vulnerable and give useful advice when it was just one on one, and Splinter had been getting a lot better lately.

Splinter had sat on his chair while they had settled down to sleep, but had returned to his own room to sleep in his own bed. Leo thought it was because his dad felt like he wasn't allowed to be vulnerable around them, and he needed some personal time to meditate and process all that had happened that day.

Leo had thought that he was going to spend several minutes standing next to Splinter's bed, trying to work up the nerve to talk to him. As soon as Leo entered though Splinter rolled over and looked at him. Splinter hadn't been asleep. It seemed that Leo wasn't the only one having a hard time sleeping tonight.

"My son, are you alright?" Splinter sat up, rubbing his eyes. "Shouldn't you be asleep?"

"I needed to talk to you." Leo said. His tone was serious and determined. This was very important, and for the best of the family. Leo wouldn't take no for an answer. He couldn't lead his brothers. Surely Splinter would see that.

"Dad, I can't be the leader." Leo said. "I can't do it."

Splinter blinked a few times before he sighed and got off his bed. "Okay, I guess we're talking about this now."

"I tried to wait until morning, but I couldn't." Leo said. He knew that his dad would understand. Splinter frequently had a hard time concentrating on things.

"I suppose I don't need to ask where this is coming from." Splinter said. "Leonardo, I know that yesterday was difficult for all of us, but you can't just look at one bad day and let it control your decisions."

"It's not just yesterday." Leo said. These problems had been going on this whole time. Leo had just been ignorant and blind until yesterday. "Dad, this isn't just because I don't think I'm good enough to do it. I know that with practice I can get better at whatever I put my mind to. I've seen all the superhero movies. I know how the lesson goes. That's not the problem."

"Then what is?" Splinter asked.

"It hurts." Leo said. His voice trembled, and he didn't bother hiding it. "I can't sleep. Whenever I close my eyes all I can think about is that when I open them again my brothers are going to be gone, and there won't be anything I can do about it. I'm scared of letting them do anything, because I'm scared they're going to get hurt, but I can't control everything they do."

Leo took a deep, shuddered breath. "There's so much that goes into being a leader. It's a lot more than I ever expected, and way more than I can handle. I can be a better follower now, but I can't lead. I just can't. It's too much for me. I-I don't want this. Please, please, make Raph leader again."

Splinter frowned slightly. "You say that you understand the burden of leadership, and yet you want to give it to your brother because it's too hard for you?" Splinter's tone wasn't at all accusatory, but Leo felt like he was being called out anyway. He knew that he should be stronger than this, but he really couldn't.

"Raph's better at it than I am." Leo said. "He's a protector. Whether he's the leader or not he's going to look out for us. If he's the leader then we'll actually listen to him, and he'll listen to us in a way that I just don't know how." He really wasn't trying to give this burden to Raph out of laziness. Leo genuinely thought that Raph fit the role so much better. Splinter had to see that it was the truth as well.

Splinter was quiet for a long moment. "...Do you believe it's what's best for the team, or the best for you?"

"Both." Leo said. Mikey and Donnie would do so much better with a leader who knew their limits and skills, and if Leo wasn't leading then maybe he'd be able to calm down enough to trust his brothers to live through the night, and maybe he could get some sleep.

Splinter sighed. "If you truly believe this is for the best then I'll think about it." Leo breathed a sigh of relief. He knew that his dad wasn't just saying empty words. He would think carefully about what Leo said. He was about to thank his dad, but Splinter held up his hand to stop him before he could.

"However, this isn't just about you." Splinter said. Leo felt a pang in his chest. He knew this wasn't about him. He was doing this for his brothers. This wasn't a selfish decision, at least, Leo didn't think it was. "Raph will have to accept the role."

There wasn't a doubt in Leo's mind that Raph would accept the responsibility without a moment's hesitation. Raph was a great leader. He just hadn't fought Leo over the role of leader because he was bigger than that. Leo didn't think he'd be able to do the same if their roles were reversed.

"He will." Leo said confidently. Raph would do whatever he needed to to keep their family safe, and right now him being the leader was what was for the best. Leo knew it to be true, and after some consideration Splinter would see it too. Raph was a lot smarter than he was given credit for. He had to see it too.

Their family was going to be okay. They just needed to make a few changes first.

Chapter Text

Raph took a deep breath and clenched his fists. He felt like he should be holding his familiar weapons, but he hadn't gotten around to getting new tonfas. As for his sais, Raph had started his training trying to use them, but after one misstep and a painful slash in his arm, he wasn't going to make that mistake again. Raph just needed to train weaponless, which was fine.

"Come on, Raph, you can do this." Raph muttered to himself as he eyed the training dummy in front of him. It wasn't something that they had used since they were little kids, but he knew that he needed to get used to the basics before he threw himself into the heavy leagues.

Raph lunged forward and grabbed the training dummy, throwing it into the air. He turned his body so he was focusing his right side towards the dummy as he watched it fly up and begin to fall. Raph waited for just the right time before he jumped up to meet the dummy halfway. He reached up to grab and intercept it, only for his fingers to move right past the dummy. It fell and hit him in the face, throwing him off his balance.

Raph yelped as he tried to right himself enough to catch himself in a graceful landing. Raph wasn't graceful at the best of times, and especially not now. Raph just managed to adjust himself midair so he would land solidly on his chest. It knocked the breath out of him, but at least he didn't twist or sprain one of his limbs by landing on it wrong, he didn't land on his head, and he didn't put additional pressure on his sore shell.

Raph groaned and picked himself up off the ground. "Gah, everything hurts." Raph rubbed his eye, and then rubbed it some more, and then again with good measure. It wasn't that it hurt or anything, but Raph would almost prefer that. It wasn't that Raph liked being in pain, but it was scary to know that something was badly hurt but to not feel a thing.

Raph set the training dummy aside. Maybe he should try something else. Raph looked around the pipes and ramps in the room. He remembered when they were younger Mikey and Leo would make obstacle courses and games of the floor is lava. Raph had used to be really bad at those games, because his larger form made him less coordinated than his brothers, but with practice he'd been able to grow into his body.

Maybe it was time to do that old practice again.

Raph climbed to the top ledges and pulled the lever that Donnie had installed to bring out the ropes hanging across and down across and through the room. Raph took a deep breath and stepped onto the thin rope to begin to tread across it. Raph had figured out years ago how to find his balance, even when he was so top heavy, but he found himself struggling to find his balance anyway. No matter how closely he stared at the rope, he kept on edging just a little too much to the left, making him almost fall multiple times.

Raph tread slowly and carefully across the rope before he was able to jump onto the other side. Raph felt proud, relieved, and incredibly disappointed. He wasn't a completely useless ninja. He could still do the basics. The thing was, he could barely do it. It had taken him forever to just cross a rope, and he'd almost fallen multiple times. This was something he'd been able to do flawlessly for five years, and in one day he was failing.

Raph slapped his cheeks to try to focus. "Come on, big guy. We don't got time for moping. Are you a ninja or not?" Raph eyed the ropes hanging down from the ceiling, all of them of different lengths and thicknesses for some variety. They were there to practice swinging. "You can do this."

Raph let out a battle cry as he ran forward and jumped off the ledge, reaching for the closest was able to grab it, no problem, and Raph laughed triumphantly. Finally! He was able to do something right. Pulled by Raph's weight and momentum the rope began to swing, and he used that to fly towards the next rope. Raph was feeling confident in his first success, but as he reached for the next rope all he was met with was air.

Raph started plummeting to the ground, and this time he didn't have the chance to twist himself to land just right. He fell right onto his back, almost on his shoulders. Raph's vision went white as he was blinded with pain. He didn't land directly on the hole in his shell, but he hit it enough to make it hurt badly.

Tears came to Raph's eyes, but he didn't make a sound of pain. As a big brother he knew that it was okay to cry, because he needed to show his brothers that it was okay for them to cry, but he didn't feel like he could actually sob or make crying noises, because those sounds really freaked his brothers out, and there was no reason to needlessly worry them.

Raph rolled off of his back and put his hand against his shell, clutching it tightly. He could feel that it hadn't started bleeding again, but that knowledge didn't make it hurt any less.

"Raphael?" He stiffened and sniffled as he rubbed his eyes before turning to face Splinter.

"Oh, hey, Pops." Raph said with forced casualness

"What are you doing in here?" Splinter asked. He walked closer to Raph. "I heard crashes."

"I was just training." Raph grunted. He rolled his shoulder, which did nothing to alleviate the pain. "It didn't really work."

"Perhaps you boys should rest more before jumping back into training." Splinter said. Raph knew he was probably right, and he would definitely encourage all of his bros to take it easy, but Raph couldn't wait. They weren't in the same position that he was. Their injuries would heal, and Raph really didn't think that his would. The sooner he was able to adjust, the better.

"I'll think about it." Raph said.

"Where are your brothers?" Splinter asked. He looked around, as though he'd be able to see them in the room.

"Donnie's in his lab." Raph said. When they'd all woken up the first thing that Donnie had jumped into was giving them all a deep check-up. None of them were given the clean bill of health, exactly, but they weren't really on their deathbed. Donnie had just forbidden them from getting into any more fights, and no making unnecessary and stupid risks.

After checking up on them, Donnie had escaped into his room and hadn't come out yet.

"And Mikey and Leo went out a bit ago with Casey and April." Raph said. Mikey had been ecstatic to introduce Casey to Cassandra. Leo hadn't seemed interested in going at first, but Mikey had badgered him until he gave in. Mikey seemed to think that Casey needed to get to know Leo as he was instead of expecting him to be the way he was in the future.

Splinter frowned slightly. "Did Leonardo talk to you already?"

"I mean, we've talked." Raph gave his dad a confused look. "Was he supposed to talk to me about something specific?"

Splinter shook his head. "That's for Leonardo to discuss with you." Raph was feeling concerned. Leo rarely went out of his way to talk about something important, but it had to be important if Splinter knew about it before Raph did. He was about to ask his dad what was going on when Splinter continued. "Did you hurt your shell again?"

Raph didn't bother denying it. His dad could probably see the tears in his eyes and he definitely saw the way that he was clutching at the injury. "I just fell on it." Raph said.

Splinter looked pained. It was weird for Raph to see his dad show his care and sympathy so blatantly. All while growing up Splinter had been distant and dismissive. Very suddenly he had become much more open and accepting of his feelings and theirs.

"If your shell hurts even a little, you should get it taken care of." Splinter said. "Doesn't Purple have that ointment of his?"

Donnie definitely had that ointment. Leo had put some on Raph's shell last night. By the time Donnie had checked up on him the ointment had only just started to wear off, so Raph hadn't thought much of it when Donnie hadn't given him more. He probably could use some now.

"Yeah, he does." Raph said. "I'll go ask him."

"See that you do." Splinter gave him a critical look. "And no more training."

"Okay, Pops." Raph said. He planned on keeping true to his word. He had some work he needed to do to recover, but he didn't have to keep hurting his shell. There were plenty of exercises that he could do that wouldn't count as training.

As Raph made his way out of the room he failed to notice a step and almost ended up tripping. He managed to catch himself, but it made it more clear than before that he needed to work on these things, not just to be a good ninja, but to even just walk around his home without hurting himself, apparently.

Raph went to Donnie's lab and knocked gently against the wall next to the entrance. He didn't want to startle Donnie if he was working on something dangerous. Donnie was working with some chemicals, but when he saw Raph he put them down and turned to face him.

"Hey, bro, I was wondering if I could have some of that shell stuff." Raph said.

Donnie frowned. "Is your shell bothering you?" He came to stand behind Raph to examine his shell himself. As he was walking past Raph noticed that Donnie's soft shell was bare.

"Is yours?" Raph frowned. "Where's your battle shell?"

"Hm?" Donnie was so focused on Raph's shell that he barely registered the question. "Oh, it's over there." He gestured vaguely towards the other side of the room. "My shell's just a little sore. Nothing serious, it's just a little uncomfortable to have my battle shell on it."

Raph wasn't so sure that it wasn't serious. Donnie never went without his battle shell. Especially if he was feeling sore and hurt. It made him feel less fragile. Raph was about to dig deeper about how hurt Donnie actually was when he felt some sharp pressure against his injury. Raph gasped and pulled away from Donnie's touch.

"You've agitated the injury." Donnie frowned at Raph, giving him a judgmental look. "What did you do?"

"I fell." Raph said honestly. He just didn't specify from what height he fell from, and why he'd been up there.

"Well, don't fall again." Donnie went deeper into his room. "Your shell is hard, but not impenetrable, obviously. It will take some time for the sensitive parts to heal over, and that won't happen if you don't let it."

"I'll take it easy." Raph said. He watched as Donnie grabbed the shell ointment. The scientist opened it and looked inside with a small frown. He looked conflicted. "Is something wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong, per se," Donnie said. "I'm just running a little low."

"Low?" Raph frowned in confusion. "There was plenty last night."

Donnie shifted uncomfortably. "Yes, well, all of us have been pretty hurt, and we've gone through a lot today."

"Well, how much is left?" Raph asked.

Donnie cleared his throat. "A little less than half." That still sounded like plenty to Raph, but Donnie still looked very uncomfortable and conflicted. Something was bothering him. Raph looked at Donnie's shell. He could see that it was hurt.

Raph felt a familiar feeling in his chest that was hard to describe. It wasn't exactly regret or resignation. It was the feeling that Raph had when he gave up the chance to spend one-on-one time with Pops so that one of his brothers could have some personal time instead. It was the feeling that Raph had when there was one last piece of his favorite pizza, but he let one of the others have it because he knew they were having a bad day. It was the feeling of wanting something, but knowing that somebody else needed it more.

It was the feeling of being a big brother.

They may not be out of ointment yet, but Donnie felt like he needed all of it for himself. Raph's shell hurt, and he would like the relief of the ointment, but he wasn't going to take that comfort from Donnie. It didn't really matter who actually needed it more, Raph was the older brother, which meant that it was his job to make sure that his brother was taken care of before he even thought about doing something for himself.

"I don't really need it." Raph shrugged.

Donnie clearly didn't believe him. "Don't try to tell me your shell doesn't hurt."

"It does, but that's just 'cause I was stupid. It's already feeling better." Raph said, and he wasn't lying. His shell still hurt, but nowhere near as much as it had when he'd first fell on it.

Donnie was quiet for a long moment. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, bro, I'm sure." Raph smiled at Donnie. "If you think you need the stuff, then you need the stuff. I'm fine."

Donnie still looked conflicted, but also relieved, and Raph knew he'd made the right choice. His shell would be just fine. Physically, he was naturally tougher than Donnie was. He could push through this pain, no problem.

"I'm working on making more." Donnie said quickly. "It's just going to be a few days." Donnie could usually whip things out like nobody's business, but when it came to any medical thing he made he really took his time because he knew that the smallest mistake could turn a cure into a poison.

"Hey, I can wait." Raph said. "Take care of yourself, Don."

"No more falling." Donnie warned. "I'm watching you."

"You always are." Raph smirked. He turned to walk out of the room, but he was still looking over his shoulder at Donnie. Because of this, Raph didn't see the entrance and he ended up walking right into it. It wasn't nearly hard enough to hurt, but it was a bit humiliating, and Donnie narrowed his eyes suspiciously at him. Raph chuckled sheepishly and hurriedly left before Donnie started getting any ideas.

Raph practically ran to the bathroom, pulling the curtain that acted as the door for privacy. He sighed and pulled his red bandana off, setting it down on the sink. Raph leaned close to the mirror and looked at his right eye. The scratches across it were still there, but they seemed to be healing fine and he barely even felt them beyond just a slight tickle. But it wasn't the scratches that he was worried about.

Raph took a deep breath and brought his hand up to cover his left eye. Immediately he was plunged into a world of darkness, and it struck fear into his heart. Raph had to take several calming breaths and tell himself that he was fine. He blinked rapidly, hoping for some vision to return, but it didn't. Not even a very blurry image. Raph saw nothing.

Raph swore in a way that he never wanted his dad to hear him use, and he never wanted to hear his brother's repeat. He brought his shaking hand away from his left eye and just stared at his reflection.

His right eye looked completely normal. Visually, it was identical to his left eye, but Raph knew that something had gone wrong with it. He didn't know if he had damaged something when he had pulled the bit of Kraang away, or if this was a lingering infection caused by the Kraang, but he guessed that it didn't really matter why it happened.

Raph couldn't see anything out of his right eye. He was half blind, and it terrified him. He hoped that it was just temporary, but he wasn't holding his breath. Raph wasn't a doctor, but he thought that if this was something that would wear off then he would feel pain in his eye, or his vision would be blurry instead of completely gone.

Maybe he should talk to an actual doctor about this, but Raph didn't really have that option. The closest thing they had was Donnie, and Raph didn't want to stress his little brother out with this. Donnie had a lot more to worry about than trying to cure something that probably couldn't even be fixed.

No, this was Raph's problem and he intended to keep it to himself as long as he could. He knew that his family would find out what was going on eventually, but Raph hoped that by that point he could figure out how to get this decreased depth perception under control and he wouldn't be completely useless and a liability to his brothers.

Raph knew that they wouldn't worry about him holding them back. They would be way too busy worrying about him. Raph was trying to think about the whole team, not just himself. He was the family's protector. How was he supposed to protect them if he couldn't even walk around the lair without tripping over his own feet and running into walls.

Raph would adjust and figure out this whole thing, and then he'd be able to show his brothers that they had nothing to worry about. He was fine. Really. He was the oldest. It was his job to be okay.

Chapter Text

Donnie wasn't used to problems that lingered. If he saw that something was wrong, he put together a solution, and went on with his life until the next problem arose. The Kraang coming had complicated things. Donnie was hit with the reality that there was a problem so large and impossible that he and his brothers in the future alternate timeline hadn't been able to solve it. The only solution they'd been able to think of was to send Casey back in time to prevent the Kraang from invading in the first place.

They'd taken care of the Kraang, but Donnie still saw numerous problems that he just didn't know how to solve. The most annoying one, just because he couldn't avoid it, was his shell. It didn't hurt, exactly, it was just a little sore, but Donnie felt hyper aware of every little bump, nudge, and pressure against his shell, and it all sent shivers down his spine.

The shell ointment helped a little bit, and Donnie came to rely on it so much more than he really needed to, and it was humiliating. It just wasn't logical. The ointment was a proper cure for real injuries. If Donnie's shell actually hurt beyond the miniscule scratches, then he'd be fine with using the ointment, because at least it would be doing some physical good. That was the whole reason why he had made it.

This ointment was medicine, not some unnecessary sugar pill or placebo. It wasn't supposed to make him feel emotionally better. That wasn't the point of it. But his head didn't seem to get the idea. If Donnie didn't use the ointment he had phantom tingles down his shell that felt like dozens of spiders tap dancing across it at once.

He tried to be rational about it. He knew that it wasn't a literal feeling. Nothing was on his shell. He just had shivers going down his spine because his shell was vulnerable and he was remembering all of the slimy and pressing textures it'd been subjected to when they'd been fighting the Kraang.

Donnie had loved being a spaceship. It was invigorating and a one of a kind experience that he wouldn't give up for anything. Physically though, it had been very uncomfortable. Donnie could still remember how it had felt when he had become one with the Kraang's ship. It was as though all of the nerves in his body had turned on at once, and it was overwhelming.

Donnie's shell had always been more sensitive than the rest of his body. That was part of the reason why he wore his battle shell, so he wouldn't be distracted by constant sudden and unwanted touch. He couldn't wear his battle shell, because he was just barely too swollen to feel comfortable in it, but without it he felt vulnerable and he was sure that feeling of weakness was what was making him feel the tingles across his shell.

His one relief was to use the shell ointment. Donnie normally couldn't stand slimy textures, but his ointment was an exception. He'd spent a lot of time and trial and error to get the mixture just right. He could put the ointment on his shell, and he was relieved at least briefly from the phantom tingles.

Donnie knew that he was using far more of the ointment than was necessary. He wasn't using it because his shell hurt, but for the sake of his sanity. That was all. It was completely unnecessary, and yet he was relying on it. It would be bad enough if his reliance was just needless, but it was also incredibly selfish.

His brothers were hurt. Leo had been assaulted by the Kraang. Raph had been in their hands for several hours, and who knew what they had done to him in that time. The two of them needed the ointment, but Donnie was reluctant to give it to them because at the rate that he was going through it he would already run out far before he was able to make more. Donnie already dreaded the constant tingling he would be feeling at just the thought of getting hurt.

Donnie felt bad for hoarding the shell ointment, but he wasn't completely heartless. Just because he didn't want to give his brothers the ointment didn't mean that he wanted to just let them suffer. There was a lot he could do for his brothers. He started keeping close eyes on them, even more than before, and he began to notice something that had slipped under his radar before.

Something was going on with Raph. He had always been pretty clumsy, but this was just ridiculous. Raph would frequently walk into walls, or stumble while going up or down steps because he kept on missing the first or last step. These things on their own wouldn't be too concerning, but as Donnie paid attention he started to notice more and more. Soon Donnie started to put together a mental list, and as he noticed more he turned it into a physical list.

On top of the increased clumsiness, Raph was favoring his left side more. When they sat down to eat, Raph would keep his cups and utensils on the left side of his plate, even though he still worked them with his right hand. It was only after Donnie noticed this did he realize that Raph's plate was an inch or two to the left to where it normally was. It wasn't enough to be noticeable unless someone was looking for it, and Donnie was, indeed, looking for it.

Donnie knew that this might not be anything to be concerned about. For all he knew, Raph had just been given a dare by Leo. It would be far from the first time that one of them had done something unusual because of a dare.

Although, if it was a dare, Donnie knew that Leo would be rubbing it in this whole time, and none of the others seemed to be even remotely aware that something was going on.

At first Donnie thought it was because his brothers were just that oblivious, but even Splinter, who had become much more attentive lately, and especially after their match against the Kraang, didn't seem to think that anything was wrong. No, the reason why nobody else noticed was because Raph was going out of his way to act like he was fine.

More than anything, that was what tipped Donnie off that this was something serious. Raph took his role as the oldest brother seriously. If he could come up with any reason to sacrifice himself for his brothers' sake, he would do it. Raph was hiding something because he didn't want them to worry.

Well, it was too late for that. Donnie was worried, and he wasn't going to stop worrying until he found out what was wrong and how to fix it.

Donnie watched Raph carefully over the next several days. He had so many clues, but not quite enough pieces to put together a distinct picture. He had dozens of logical theories, and a dozen more that had mystical explanations. Maybe he should just talk to Raph about what was wrong, but that felt like giving up. No, he would figure this out on his own, and then he could properly make it up to Raph that he was saving all of the shell ointment for himself.

Donnie was so busy observing Raph's behavior that he failed to notice Leo's increased unease and tempermentalness. He was surprised and unnerved when, ast least to Donnie, Leo seemed to have an outburst out of nowhere.

Raph and Mikey had just been playing their dance game. Mikey was dominating, like he usually did in this game, but Raph was doing just slightly worse than usual. His steps were fine, but Raph kept on slightly misjudging where the pads for his feet were, so even though he made the right move he would miss the step. Raph also kept on knocking into the railing and stumbling in his steps. It wasn't obvious, but it was enough for Donnie to notice.

As they played Leo came up behind them and crossed his arms as he waited for them to finish. He couldn't have been waiting for too long, but Leo had never been too patient. Especially not when he was anxious about something. Mikey and Raph's round was almost done when Leo came up from the side and reached for Raph's arm.

It would have been irritating and distracting for any of them, but Raph jumped like he was caught completely off guard. He fell back and stumbled into Leo.

"Dude, give a guy a little warning next time." Raph scowled.

"I have to talk to you." Leo said seriously. He sounded tense and frustrated, and his tone made it sound like he had been trying to talk about Raph for a while, but had been avoided the whole time. Donnie knew that wasn't the case. He'd been keeping an eye on Raph. He would have noticed if Raph was avoiding Leo.

"Okay, so talk." Raph said simply. "Nobody's stopping you."

"You've been stopping me." Leo threw his hands up in the air. "I've been trying to talk to you all week, but whenever I ask if you want to hang out you say that you're busy with training every time."

Donnie frowned slightly. That wasn't quite right. Raph hadn't said training, he said practicing. Their dad still wasn't letting them train, and Raph was keeping true to that. He practiced instead, but Donnie still didn't know just what he was practicing. Raph mostly just walked around the lair, sometimes while wearing a blindfold, sometimes without.

Donnie didn't know just what Raph was practicing, but he knew that his brother was taking it seriously. It probably had something to do with what was bothering him. The best that Donnie could figure was that Raph was trying to regain his confidence after the disaster with the Kraang.

Donnie didn't understand what Raph's practicing was for, but he understood that it was important to his brother. Leo didn't get that much. The way that Leo saw it, Raph was lying to him to get out of talking.

"If you want to talk, why did you say that you wanted to hang out?" Donnie frowned. He didn't think it was fair to not be completely honest with your words, and then get upset at others for reacting to what you said instead of what you meant.

"Because I wanted to talk to Raph alone, but I didn't want to make you guys worry and think that something's wrong, because nothing's wrong." Leo said. He glared at Raph like this was all his fault.

"What's the big deal?" Raph frowned.

Leo looked at Mikey and Donnie, frowning when they didn't do anything to leave the room. If both Leo and Raph wanted privacy that was one thing, but if Donnie didn't have to leave he didn't want to. There wasn't any guarantee that this had anything to do with what was bothering Raph, but it might, and this might be the very chance that Donnie needed to find out what was going on.

"Alright, you know what, fine." Leo scoffed. He seemed unreasonably irritated. "Look, Raph, you win, alright? This whole leadership thing, the thing that you think I'm the absolute worst at, I'm giving it back to you."

"Whoa, whoa, hang on, what?" Raph blinked. He looked as stunned and Mikey and Donnie were. "First of all, I never said I thought you were a bad leader, let alone the worst. And what do you mean I win? Whatever game you think I've been playing, I haven't."

"Who are you kidding?" Leo crossed his arms. He looked ready for a fight that none of them wanted to have. "You've been critiquing my leadership decisions from the moment that dad chose me to be in charge."

Raph scowled. He was starting to look mad himself. "I was trying to help you do better. I was thinking about the good of the family."

Leo was looking defensive, but he took a deep breath and muttered something about it not being about him. He looked much calmer. "Look, I don't want to fight about this. It doesn't really matter what you thought and what you were doing and why. We gave it our best shot, but this isn't working out. I'm not cut out to be a leader. It's not my thing."

Raph looked stunned, which turned to a look of discomfort, and then straight up fear. "What are you saying?" Why did Raph sound so nervous?

"I'm saying I want you to be the leader again." Leo said. Donnie's first thought was, well, it's about time. He had nothing against Leo, but a leader, he was not. That was nothing against Leo personally. Donnie didn't consider himself a leader either. It took a very specific type of person to lead a chaotic group like theirs.

Raph didn't seem to agree. He started to bring a hand up to his eye before he stopped himself and quickly lowered his hand to clench it into a fist. "I'm not cut out to be a leader."

"Since when?" Leo narrowed his eyes at Raph. "You're a great leader. The only times you got something wrong was when you were trying to do something for our sake."

"We all know that's not true." Raph said. "I appreciate your confidence in me, but if you trust me so much, trust that I know what I'm saying when I say that I can't lead you guys anymore."

Donnie felt like he had found another piece to this puzzle. It wasn't very clear, but it was a piece nonetheless, and Donnie thought that he knew how to start putting things together. Raph didn't say that he wouldn't lead them, he said he couldn't lead them. They all knew that Raph was more than mentally capable of this, so what if this was more of a physical thing?

Raph had instinctively reached for his eye when he'd said that he couldn't be the leader, and this was far from the first time that he'd done something like that. The gears in Donnie's head were starting to spin. One of the possibilities that he'd thought of, but hadn't thought was very probable, was sticking out to him now. It was time for a little experiment to test this new theory.

Leo and Raph continued arguing, with their voices getting gradually louder and louder until they were almost yelling at each other. Donnie didn't pay any attention to their words. Raph and Leo's fights had never been the most investing for him. Instead Donnie focused completely as he started to approach Raph from his right side.

Donnie started to reach a hand out to Raph, keeping just in his periphery. Raph really shouldn't have any issue seeing him. Unless, of course, Donnie's theory was right, in which case they had a much bigger problem than who would be their leader.

Donnie's hand was only an inch away from Raph's face, and there was no reaction from him. Leo stopped his shouting mid-rant and gave him a confused look. Donnie shook his head and put a finger to his mouth, silently asking for quiet. Leo was clearly confused, but when Raph said that he needed to get out of his own head and start taking some responsibility he got right back into the fight.

Donnie was feeling a pit in his stomach. His suspicion was stronger than before, but it was far from confirmed. He needed to go further. Donnie waved his hand and made gestures at Raph right next to his face, just trying to be noticed and get a reaction out of him. Raph could be pretty good at ignoring their strangeness, but this seemed too far. It wasn't that Raph was ignoring him, he just hadn't noticed him, and there were only so many reasons that Donnie could think of that could be the case, and none of them were good.

"Raph?" Donnie said quietly. His older brother jolted and turned to look at him with wide eyes, just like he had when Leo had come up to him. Donnie wanted to cross his arms and scold his brother. If his suspicions were correct, how dare Raph had kept something like this a secret from them? They were brothers. They were supposed to talk to each other about things like this.

Donnie couldn't bring himself to scold Raph though. He was too scared to be angry. That fear must have shown in his face, because Raph's face softened, like it always did when one of them was scared. Raph was worried about him, even though he was the one who was hurt right now.

"What's wrong?" Raph asked.

Donnie lowered his hand, which was still shaking. He was staring at Raph's right eye, trying to see an sign that something was wrong or out of place. It looked fine, but that didn't fool Donnie, but it did make him feel like a fool. Raph had been suffering with this on his own all because Donnie had let his eyes deceive him.

Donnie swallowed thickly. "W-why didn't you tell us that you couldn't see out of your right eye?"

He wanted Raph to be confused. He wanted his brother to roll his eyes and call him ridiculous. Donnie wanted any reason to think that his theory was off and he was wrong. He didn't get it. Instead Raph's eyes widened in alarm and Donnie could smell the distinct scent of his fear stink.

"Okay, hang on, back up." Leo shook his hands. "You can't what? You're blind? Since when? Why didn't you say anything?"

"I didn't say anything because it's none of your business." Raph said sternly. "I'm figuring it out."

"Figuring it out? You're half blind!" Leo shouted. "And you didn't think it was any of our business?"

"How did it happen?" Donnie asked. "Does it hurt? Is it just your right eye, or is your left affected too? Can you see anything at all from that eye?" He needed more information. This was a very serious problem, and Donnie knew nothing about it. How was he supposed to fix things that he didn't understand?

Raph didn't answer him, because he was listening to Leo still shouting at him.

"We're supposed to be a team!" Leo said.

"I did this for the good of the team." Raph said.

"You lied to us." Leo said. "Brothers don't lie to each other."

"They also don't project their own insecurities onto each other." Raph said. "I don't think you're a bad leader. Stop telling yourself that you not thinking you're good enough is about me."

"We're just worried about you, Raph." Donnie said. "You've been running into walls, and tripping over your own feet. I know you're trying to adjust, but we can help if you'd just talk to us."

"I didn't want to worry you." Raph said gently. "Leo got mauled by the Kraang. Your shell's still bothering you. You've got your own stuff to worry about. If I have to be okay so that you guys can worry about yourselves, then I'll be okay."

"But you're not." Donnie said. "You don't have to be."

"I'm the oldest. Even if I'm not okay, which I am, that's fine, because it's my job." Raph said.

"Don't be absurd." Donnie rolled his eyes. "By that logic, Leo and I aren't allowed to ever think about ourselves unless Mikey is completely okay, because we're older than him." Donnie turned towards Mikey, because if anybody could tackle this emotional constipation it would be the youngest. However, when Donnie turned to Mikey he saw that their brother wasn't there.

"Mikey?" Donnie looked around the room. There was no sign of him. "Angelo?"

"Mikey?" Raph started looking around too with wide, panicked eyes. "Where'd he go? He was just here!"

"I don't know." Leo looked frustrated, but he reluctantly dropped his discussion with Raph. "Maybe he's hiding in his room, or talking to dad or something."

"Speaking of talking to dad, we need to tell him, Raph." Donnie said.

"Hang on, no, we don't got to do anything." Raph said with his leader 'listen to what I say' voice, but Donnie was way more concerned about his brother than he was obligated to listen to him.

"He's our dad." Donnie said. "If you're hurt he needs to know."

"We can tell him later." Raph said. "We have to find Mikey first."

"Mikey's fine." Leo said. "He probably went to see April." He pulled out his cellphone even as he grabbed Raph's arm and began to pull him towards their dad's room. "I'll call her and see if she's seen Mikey just as soon as you talk to dad about this and let Donnie look you over." Bribery. One of Donnie's favorite ways to convince people to do things, right alongside guilt-tripping and blackmail. Leo was using Raph's concern for Mikey against him to make sure he gets taken care of.

Donnie was vaguely worried about Mikey, but of all of them Mikey was the least likely to just stumble upon dangerous situations, let alone go looking for them. He'd be fine for a little bit while they made sure that Raph was fine. Mikey would be okay until then.

Besides, what kind of trouble could Mikey get himself into in the next few minutes?

Chapter Text

Everything was supposed to be fine. They had beaten the Kraang. They were all safe. They had made a new friend. There was no reason why anything should be wrong. Mikey had thought that everything was fine, and he'd been sure that his brothers had felt the same way. They all acted fine. Why would they do that if they didn't really feel it?

Now Mikey just felt like an idiot. His brothers had just been faking this whole time, and he hadn't even noticed. What kind of brother was he that he didn't even notice that Leo was self-conscious about being a leader, Donnie's shell was still bothering him, and Raph was half blind?

He may be the youngest, but they were still his brothers. He should still make sure they were okay, not dance around obliviously while they were hurting. Mikey needed to make things right, but how? He wasn't like his older brothers. He wasn't a healer, or somebody who could punch away problems.

That was okay though. Mikey had his own way of fixing problems. That's what Doctor Delicate Touch, Doctor Feelings, and Doctor Positive were for. He could motivate and encourage, and even offer tough love, to push someone to be the best they could be. He could probably do something about Leo. That was the easy part.

Leo may be a different kind of leader than Raph was, but he had a lot of potential. Even before he was put in charge Leo would frequently be the one to keep them on track when Raph couldn't. He just needed to lean into his skillset, maybe learn how to take criticism a little more, and they'd be set. Problem solved.

But that wasn't what Mikey was most worried about. There was also Donnie. Mikey had wondered why he hadn't been wearing his battle shell. He hadn't even considered that Donnie's shell was feeling sensitive. However, Mikey wondered if it really was his shell. Sometimes he would see Donnie shudder and shiver like he did when he was interacting with something with a gross, sticky texture, even though there wasn't anything touching him. Maybe Donnie's thing was just in his head too.

If that was the case, it was manageable, even if it wouldn't be as easy as Leo's thing.

What was throwing Mikey off was Raph. Doctor Feelings couldn't fix a messed up eye. None of Mikey's encouraging personas could. He didn't even know if a real, professional, human doctor could fix something like this. The only thing Mikey could think of that might help was magic. Mystic powers seemed to be able to do anything. If they could open pathways to other dimensions, and do time travel, why not heal blinding?

Mikey felt hope build in his chest as a crazy and wonderful idea came to his mind. That's it! Mystic healing could help Raph, which meant that there was something that Mikey could do after all. He was a mystic magic master, at least in the future. There was no reason why he shouldn't do this. He just needed to practice and figure out his magic so he could heal his brother. No problem.

Mikey never liked hearing his brothers fight, but especially not when he'd been so sure that everything was fine just a few minutes ago. While they shouted, Mikey snuck out of the room and towards the exit of the sewers. He needed space, privacy, and maybe just a little bit of air. He decided to see how April and Casey were doing. She was always very supportive and she might have some ideas on how to help his brothers.

As for Casey, he knew the Mikey from the future. He might have all kinds of ideas about how Mikey could tap into his powers.

Besides, after finding out that his brothers had just been putting on an act and pretending that they were okay, Mikey would appreciate some genuine positivity. Mikey could usually be positive enough for all of his brothers, but he had been caught off guard with this. Finding out that his brothers weren't okay had made Mikey's positive energy drain right out of him. He needed a recharge, and April was usually pretty good at providing that.

The sun wasn't out right now, which made things easier. Mikey probably would have tried sneaking out even in broad daylight, but this was much less risky.

Mikey shimmied to the rooftops and started down the very familiar path to April's place. As soon as he slipped into the building he stopped sneaking around. Everybody in this apartment building was used to seeing mutants and yokai walk in and out. They just thought that they were constantly cosplaying or something. The people may not see the truth, but Mikey liked that he didn't have to pretend at April's apartment. He could just be himself.

As Mikey went down the stairs towards April's floor he paused slightly on the floor above. Maybe he could slip in and say hi to Draxum. It had been too long since Mikey had seen his goat dad, let alone spent some quality time with him.

But Mikey tried so hard to only be cheerful and fun around Draxum. He wanted to show the yokai how great their family was. Besides, Draxum was always so serious and angry. He needed some happiness in his life. Mikey didn't want to add to his stress.

And another part of his reluctance, though Mikey felt ashamed of it, was that he didn't know if Draxum would be able to provide the emotional reassurance that he needed right now. Draxum was so used to only thinking about himself and not being close to people in his life. He didn't really know how to care about others. Mikey had been helping him to practice, and Draxum was getting better, but he felt like this would be just a bit too much for him.

Telling himself that he would talk to Draxum when everything was actually okay, Mikey continued down the stairs and went to April's apartment. He knocked on the door, calling out to her.

Mikey barely got through a single "April, it's me, open up!" before the door was opened. April was usually really happy to see them half the time, while the other half the time she was annoyed with their loud, demanding calls for attention. This time, April just looked relieved, the way that she had a lot these past few days when she saw them. It was like April wasn't sure when, or if, she would see them again.

Was April actually not okay either? And Mikey hadn't noticed? The thought that he was just as bad a friend as he was a brother made Mikey feel like crying. His devastation must have shown on his face, because April gave him a soft look.

"Hey, Mikey, what's up?" April asked. She opened the door wider and let him in. Casey was sitting on the ground in front of the tv, playing video games. He didn't have the chance to play a lot of them in the future. Casey was focused completely on the screen, but he glanced over to the door and gave Mikey a concerned look.

Mikey sat on April's couch and drew his legs inside of his shell to make himself small. April sat down next to him, and Mikey spilled.

"I thought that everything was fine after the Kraang, and I thought that my brothers thought the same thing, but I just found out that they're not fine at all." Mikey said very quickly. " Leo and Raph got into a fight about who should be the leader, because Leo doesn't think that he is good enough for it, and Raph can't do it because he can barely walk around the lair without running into a wall because he's apparently blind in one eye and I don't know how that happened. And then Donnie's shell is apparently bothering him, and I feel like I'm the worst brother in the world for not noticing any of this. And now I need to master mystic magic to heal my brothers, or else they'll keep hurting and it will be all my fault!"

"Okay, whoa, whoa, pump the brakes, Mikey." April put a hand on his shoulders. "You've gotta breathe. Let's just take this one thing at a time, okay?"

Mikey took a deep breath. He hadn't realized how much he was panicking until he had started laying it all out. "Okay."

"Okay. First off, you're not a bad brother. The whole deal with the Kraang was kinda huge, and everybody deals with that kinda trauma in a different way. Some people just want to move on and forget that anything bad ever happened. Some people feel like they're still stuck in the trauma. Neither way is right or wrong, they're just different. Feeling okay while your brothers don't doesn't make you a bad brother, okay?"

Mikey wasn't completely convinced, but he knew better than to argue with April. "Okay."

"Cool. Now, I would love to talk about this more, but I'm just a little distracted by something so we're going to put that on the backburner for a bit." April said. Immediately her calm expression fell to one of panic. "What do you mean Raph is blind?!"

"Just in one eye." Mikey muttered, even though it didn't make him feel any better. "He's been hiding it from us because he doesn't want us to worry."

"Sounds like something that runs in the family." April muttered. She looked stressed and Mikey felt bad for dragging her into their problems. He should be able to fix this on his own.

"That's why I need to work on my mystic magic." Mikey jumped to his feet so quickly that April was startled. "If I can figure this out then I can heal Raph, and everything will be fixed, and we really will be okay." Mikey held out his hands and reached down deep, trying to find that mystic magic that he'd been able to tap into before.

"Mikey, I…" April sighed. "I don't think that's how it works. You don't even know if your future self would have been able to heal this kind of thing, and he was a master."

"Oh, he could definitely do it." Casey said. April whipped around and glared at him. Casey seemed oblivious to her irritation. "Michelangelo could heal anything. If he can give Sensei a new arm after he lost his in a bad attack, then he can heal an eye."

"But Mikey's not Michelangelo." April shouted. She blinked. "I mean, he is, technically, but…gah, you know what I mean!" April looked at Mikey. "Just because you became a mystic master in the future doesn't mean that it's fair for you to expect yourself to do everything that he could."

"But I have to." Mikey said. "I have to heal my brothers." He couldn't just sit here and let them suffer. Mikey closed his eyes. He didn't want to remember the pain that he'd been feeling when he had been able to open the portal into the Kraang's dimension, but that pain and desperation was exactly what he had needed to save his brother. Mikey needed to tap into his desperation to help Raph. He could do this. He had to.

Mikey strained and pushed himself. He just needed to get used to the feeling of his magic. The more he did it, the easier it would be. That was always how it went. Mikey pushed for a long time before he felt the familiar tingling in his fingers. He was feeling breathless and tired, but it was worth it. He could reach his mystic powers. He just needed to go a little more and grab onto that power.

He was so close. He was almost there. Just a little…more…

"Mikey, stop!" April practically tackled him. Mikey yelped as he fell to the ground, losing his concentration and grip on his magic.

"Ow, April, what?" Mikey tried to sit up, but she held him tight and didn't seem to want to let him go. She was shaking, and Mikey thought he could hear her sniffling. Mikey patted her back. "What's wrong?"

"D-don't you ever do that again." April finally pulled back, only to hit him. Mikey was alarmed to see tears in her eyes.

"What? What did I do?" Mikey had no idea what was going on.

"Your hands were glowing, and you wouldn't react when I tried to talk to you." April said shakily. "It was like you were in your own world. Casey said it was just normal mystic stuff, but it almost looked like your hands were starting to disintegrate, and if that's normal then I don't want you to do it."

"Disintegrate?" Mikey frowned and looked at his hands. They looked completely normal. They felt a little numb and tingly though, like they were asleep.

"It looked like it hurt." April said quietly. "And you just kept going."

"I didn't feel anything." Mikey said honestly.

"What if you were so out of it that you wouldn't have even noticed if you were hurt?" April pointed out. "Look, I don't like this."

"But I can do more." Mikey said. He felt like he was just barely tapping the surface. "I just need to push a little more."

"What if you push too much and get yourself hurt?" April crossed her arms. Mikey waved off her concern.

"That wouldn't happen." Mikey said. "My mystic magic couldn't hurt me."

Casey made a strange sound. Mikey and April both turned to look at him, and he pointedly avoided both of their gazes. April glared at Casey.

"Do you have anything you want to add, Jones?" April asked. Casey looked conflicted for a second, but he quickly shook his head.

"April, I have to practice my mystic magic." Mikey said desperately. "I need to help Raph." April gave him a sympathetic look. They stared at each other for a long time before she sighed.

"Okay, you know what? Here's what we're going to do." April took Mikey's hand and started to pull him towards the door. "You want to do mystic magic? Why don't we get some advice from a mystic magic expert? Barry will know if what you're doing is safe or not."

Mikey brightened. He always liked seeing Draxum, and April was right. The yokai could use his mystic magic with so much ease. He would have some advice for Mikey, and he'd be able to ease April's concerns.

"Come on, Jones." April said. "The rules that apply to the turtles applies to you too. No hanging at my place when I'm not around. I don't want you to trash the place."

Casey made an offended sound as he turned off the game, without saving or anything like that. "I wouldn't trash anything."

"Yeah, save it." April snapped impatiently. "I've heard that promise before, and I'm not falling for it again. You're coming with me."

"Come on, it'll be fun." Mikey said. "You'll love Draxum."

Casey faltered in his steps. "Draxum? As in Baron Draxum? Like, the Baron Draxum?"

"You know him?" Mikey couldn't help but be pleased. If Casey knew about Draxum, then the yokai would have had to be close to the family still in the future. Or maybe it was more of an infamous thing, but Mikey was leaning more for the family thing.

"Know him? The guy's a legend." Casey said. He sounded excited. That was a good sign. "I never met him personally, but everybody knows about the leader of the yokai. The one who single-handedly kept the Hidden City safe from the Kraang. The one who offered sanctuary to any human who came looking for it."

"He saved humans?" Mikey felt like he was going to cry tears of joy. He knew that Draxum didn't like humans, so to hear that he offered safety to them was an amazing relief. Mikey was so proud.

"Did you just say he was the leader of the yokai?" April raised an eyebrow as they went into the hall and started for the stairs.

"Well, yeah, of course he was." Casey said as though it was obvious. "The yokai nobility above him either ran at the first sign of trouble, or joined the fight against the Kraang. Draxum is the one that took the lead. He took control."

"I thought Barry was a fugitive." April looked at Mikey.

"Maybe when the Kraang came the yokai decided that they had bigger things to worry about." Mikey suggested. Casey nodded. "You know, I always knew that he cared."

They went to Draxum's door and Mikey knocked on it before just letting himself in. Draxum was family, and Mikey didn't really wait to be let in when he wanted to talk to his brothers or Splinter. Why should he be any different with Draxum?

"Barry!" Mikey launched himself at Draxum, not at all caring when the yokai didn't return the hug. He wasn't pushed away. It was a step in the right direction. They'd get there someday. "Can you give me mystic magic lessons?"

"You…you want to learn about mystic powers?" Draxum looked hopeful, but also cautious. "I thought I was forbidden from using mystic powers." He looked over Mikey's shoulder to see Casey. "And why did you bring a strange youth into my home?"

"Right, yeah, sorry." Mikey pulled away from Draxum. "Barry, this is Casey Jones. He's our new friend. Casey, Baron Draxum."

"I-it's a pleasure to finally meet you, my lord." Casey nodded his head, almost in a bow. April looked at him like he was nuts. Draxum looked surprised, but then very pleased with himself.

"Finally! A human who knows who he's in the presence of." Draxum stood up proud.

"Dude, why'd you call him that?" April nudged Casey. Now he looked at her as though she was the one who was crazy.

"That's the way to address a baron." Casey said.

"He's not actually a baron." April snorted. "That's just his name."

"Well, technically…" Draxum began to say. Mikey looked at the yokai with wide eyes.

"You're actually a real baron? Mikey felt in awe. "Why didn't you ever tell me?"

"I thought it was obvious." Draxum said. He sounded moody and disappointed, and Mikey felt bad. Had he disrespected Draxum? Mikey didn't know a lot about barons and nobility, let alone yokai nobility. He needed to drag Donnie into research. If this meant a lot to Draxum, then Mikey didn't want to just brush it under the rug.

"That's not important right now." Draxum said, though his tone implied that he thought it was actually very important. "You came to talk about mystic powers. What do you want to know?"

"I've been trying to use my mystic magic, but I can't quite get it." Mikey looked at his hands. I think I'm scaring April. Can you give me some pointers and maybe tell April that glowing and slight disintegration in the hands is completely normal?"

Draxum had looked intrigued and a little excited when Mikey had first started explaining things, but he suddenly looked alarmed and almost panicked.

"I'm sorry, did you just say disintegration?" Draxum said angrily and sternly. Mikey hunched his shoulders slightly. Alright, maybe this wasn't a completely normal thing after all. "Do you know anything about mystic powers? Why would you put so much of your life force into your magic? Do you have any idea what that could do to you?"

"So…it's not normal?" Mikey asked. Draxum seethed angrily and Mikey curled up on himself even more.

Draxum let out a long, slow sigh. He put his hands on Mikey's shoulders and for a second it felt oddly reassuring and comforting, but then Draxum pushed down, forcing Mikey to sit on the ground. It hadn't been a reassuring gesture after all.

Draxum sat on the ground in front of Mikey. "I'm very pleased to hear that you have mystic powers, but if you can't use them in a way that is both safe and respectful, then it would be better if you didn't do it at all."

"I knew it wasn't safe." April exclaimed. She sounded partially smug and partially horrified.

"Mystic powers can be the safest thing in the world, if done right." Draxum gave Mikey a stern look. "It's time to teach you how to do it right."

Chapter Text

April paced around Draxum's apartment, trying to not distract the mutant and yokai, but keeping them in her sights and listening distance. She needed to make sure that Mikey didn't try to take things too far again, and that Drax didn't go overboard with the mystic magic stuff.

Casey was sitting on the couch. April had lent him her phone to keep him distracted, or else he might start to offer his opinion on mystic magic, and he knew even less about mysticism than April did. Considering Casey hadn't seen a problem with Mikey beginning to disintegrate right before their eyes, April wasn't going to be quick to let him voice his opinions as far as Mikey's magic went.

April felt uneasy and like she needed to get some air and some space. She needed a few minutes of normalcy so she could wrap her head around this magical and mutant mess, and then she could tackle these problems head on.

She couldn't leave though. After what April had seen and heard, she wasn't going to let Mikey out of her sights. The turtle frequently lost focus and could sometimes forget vital steps. April considered it her job to listen to all of Draxum's instructions so she could know and understand them by heart. If she understood what Mikey needed to do and how to keep him safe, then she could make sure that he didn't take things too far again.

"Mystic powers are the inherit magical abilities that lie dormant in all yokai and mutants." Draxum said. "We all have the potential for magic in our genetics, but for most yokai that potential remains locked and untapped, and it goes to waste." Draxum clenched his fist, making it glow a bright purple. He grew one of those freaky vines of his from the floorboards.

April had to bite down her instinctive response of telling Draxum off for using mystical powers. She had brought Mikey here for the purpose of learning about these powers. It wouldn't really be fair to ask Draxum to teach about magic when he wasn't allowed to use magic. Just this once, April would allow an exception.

"You've found your potential, which opens up a lot of possibilities, but magic isn't a miracle cure for whatever ails your brothers." Draxum said. They had given him a very brief explanation as to what Mikey had already accomplished with his powers, what he was trying to do with them now, and why.

"But Casey said that my future self was able to heal no problem." Mikey whined.

"You are younger than your future self." Draxum said. "Just like with any other power and ability, mysticism needs practice and work. You must start small, and slowly work up to more advanced techniques."

"But I was able to open a portal into another dimension!" Mikey said. "I can do big things!"

"By going too far." Draxum shouted. "Mystical powers rely equally on two different elements. The ability to achieve one's goal, and the will to do so. If somebody has powerful magic, but they don't have the will to do anything with it, then they may easily lose control of their powers. On the other hand, if somebody has the will to achieve something, but they lack the power, they may try to force their abilities past the point that they are capable of. Mystical powers are connected to one's life energy. Their soul, if you will. If you push your powers too far your mystical ability may burn out, and your soul and life may follow if it's serious enough."

"I…but I didn't die." Mikey said. He didn't sound like he was disagreeing just to be contrary, he was just confused and trying to understand. "Maybe it started going too far, but it wasn't that bad."

"From what you told me, I suspect that the only reason it didn't go that far was because your brothers were there along with you." Draxum said. "Sometimes under extreme circumstances, or with a lot of practice, yokai can combine their powers. But it's not something you should count on."

April felt her chest tighten and she thought she saw Mikey pale slightly. Was Draxum saying that Mikey probably would have died if Raph and Donnie hadn't accidentally helped him with the mystic magic? April felt like she was going to be sick. Even Casey looked unnerved.

April raised her hand and immediately felt like a fool. Lesson or not, this wasn't school. She didn't need to ask for permission to say what was on her mind. She quickly lowered her arm and held it behind her back, as though to hide that she had raised it in the first place.

"Okay, quick question." April said. "If someone becomes a mystic master, would that life-draining golden disintegration thing still happen? Because somebody seems to think that this kind of thing is normal." She glared at Casey.

"There's no such thing as a mystic master." Draxum scoffed. "The closest you can get is to master a specific line of mysticism. For me, it's life." Draxum looked at his mystic vine, a somewhat fond look in his eyes. He was really passionate about this mystical stuff. "My vines, my mutations, they're both made from a combination of my mystical powers and my knowledge of science." Well, now he was just sounding like Donnie.

"But I've seen you do other mystic stuff." Mikey said.

"Yes, I can use my mystic powers to accomplish basic things, but I would be a fool to try to do something as ridiculous as mind-control or telepathy." Draxum said. "As useful as those skills might have been, they would have been too draining for me."

Draxum gave Casey a stern look. "So no, the draining of life is far from normal, and should not be encouraged."

Mikey was quiet for a long moment before he too looked at Casey.

"Have you seen me take my magic too far?" Mikey asked quietly. "Did I get hurt?"

Casey looked pained. "...You didn't have a choice. The Kraang needed to be stopped, and there was no other way. I-I needed to be sent to the past."

"Time travel is complicated." Draxum said. "Especially that much time and that precise a destination. If this other version of Michelangelo worked alone, he would have lost himself, am I correct?"

Casey swallowed thickly before he slowly nodded. Draxum's eyes flashed dangerously and Mikey looked like he was going to faint. April didn't wait to see how either of them reacted. She took action first. She stormed up to Casey, grabbed the front of his shirt, and pulled him up to his feet.

"You mean to tell me that you saw your Mikey lose himself to his mystical powers, and you didn't think there was any problem with my Mikey blindly following in his footsteps?" New friend or not, April was seconds away from knocking this punk's lights out.

"I didn't know!" Casey said. "I didn't understand mystic powers. He was the master, not me!" April knew he was probably telling the truth, but she didn't forgive that. Mikey could have hurt himself, and the only person who might have known that something was wrong would have been completely oblivious, and that thought was terrifying. April was about to teach Casey a lesson, and then force him to listen to Draxum's mystic lessons, because clearly he needed to learn the basics too, when she heard her phone ring.

April gave Casey a warning look before she snatched her phone out of his hands. She answered the phone and immediately heard the familiar sound of shouting turtles.

"Guys, guys, I'm on the phone." Leo's voice said. The shouting didn't quiet and he sighed. "Hey, April, you wouldn't happen to know where Mikey is, would you? Raph's kinda starting to freak out over here."

"Donnie's freaking out too." April heard Raph's voice over the phone.

"Yes, I am, because, just in case you somehow forgot, you're half blind!" Donnie shouted. To people who didn't know him they would just think that Donnie was cold and impatient, but April recognized that this was Donnie's emotional tone, when he was starting to lose his grip on control. He was not coping well right now. None of them were, and April was out of her depth. She was their friend. She was supposed to be able to help them, but this was too much for her.

Draxum held a hand out to April. "Let me talk to him."

April didn't know what Draxum would be able to do when he barely seemed to care about Mikey's brothers, but she found herself handing the phone over anyways. Her head was pounding, she was overwhelmed, and she felt like anything she came up with was just going to make things worse. Draxum had been able to help Mikey when April couldn't. Maybe it was dumb to trust him with the others, but she didn't know what else to do.

Draxum took the phone with one hand and with his other hand he pointed at Mikey. "You! I want you to meditate and feel your mystic power. Don't even think about doing anything with it. I only want you to familiarize yourself with the feeling."

Mikey looked dubious, but he did as he was told. Draxum watched him carefully for a long moment before he turned his attention to the phone in his hands. "As for you, tell me the nature of your problems or whatever they are." April heard Leo protest on the other line. Draxum looked very unimpressed.

"Why should you tell me anything? I'll tell you why." Draxum said sternly in a tone that was hard to argue against, even though it was so easy to disagree with. "Your younger brother has come running to me for assistance because none of you know how to deal with the most basic of problems. Instead, you idiots all tried to fix things on your own, and that nearly made Michelangelo accidentally mystic himself out of existence."

"What?!" April could hear Leo's screech from here.

"Calm down, he's fine." Draxum said dismissively. "But only because I'm not allowing him to figure this out on his own. This is beyond his capabilities. He needs assistance, and considering he was only trying to do more than he should with his powers for the sake of you three, I believe he's only going to accept that help if you're given the help you need as well."

Leo's response was too quiet for April to hear, but Draxum's eye roll told her all she needed to know. "Oh, you're fine, are you? You don't need any help? Well, your brother disagrees, and he will continue to disagree until you're better, so unless you want him to continue to act just as much of a fool as you are, I suggest you stop trying to play the hero and get some help." Draxum threw the phone to April, making her fumble to try to catch it because she could not afford to get a replacement right now.

April glared at Draxum, but he was ignoring her. His attention was back to Mikey as he was walking him through how to meditate on his mystic powers, which was apparently different from the way that ninjas meditated.

"Hey, Leo." April said tiredly.

"Is Mikey okay?" Leo asked.

April wanted to say that he was fine, but she hadn't forgotten Mikey's freak out because he'd thought that he and his brothers were okay, and the realization that they weren't seemed to break something inside of him. Clearly pretending that things were fine when they weren't wasn't doing any of them any favors.

"Leo, none of us are okay." April said. "He's alive, and he's not hurt, but he's freaking out. You guys really scared him, and he scared me."

"I'm sorry." Leo said quietly. That just made April feel worse.

"You don't have to apologize for not being okay." April said. "But Draxum's right. You guys need help."

"Who are we supposed to get help from?" Leo asked. Normally April would think of a therapist, but the whole turtle situation complicated things.

"I don't know. Maybe there's a mutated therapist who has been lying low this whole time." April looked at Draxum.

"The best mystic healer in the Hidden City owes me a favor." Draxum said without looking at her. "They can help heal your minds and bodies."

"So this guy's both a therapist and a doctor?" April didn't buy it.

"Among yokai, problems of the mind affect the body, and physical ailments can harm the mind, so healers often specialize in treating both." Draxum said. "It's much more efficient than the crude method that humans have." There it was. April had been wondering when Draxum's way of looking down on humans would work itself into the conversation.

Mikey smiled. "We're going to the Hidden City again?"

"You're going to the Hidden City." Draxum said. "This time it would probably be better if I remained here."

Mikey pouted, but he knew just as well as the rest of them that going to the Hidden City was dangerous and tricky enough as it was. Going with a fugitive was just opening the door wide open for trouble to come waltzing in.

"Fine." Mikey said quietly. "But afterward we're having a movie night at your place. I'm going to show you how to make pizza, and you're going to love it." April didn't know how Mikey made a fun night sound like a threat, but he managed it.

"You're not having a movie night without me!" Leo said. "And as the leader I get to choose what we watch."

"I thought you didn't want to be the leader anymore." April smirked slightly.

"That's just a technicality." Leo said. "And technically, I'm still a leader until Raph gets over the whole eye thing."

"Eye thing?!" April could hear both Raph and Donnie shout furiously from the other line.

"Oh, I'm sorry that my being blind is such an inconvenience for you." Raph said.

"Half blind." Leo said. "And your tone says that you're being sarcastic, but we both know that you really do think that the worst part of this whole thing is that you feel like you're a burden and inconvenience on us, and that's why this family is going to therapy." Leo's tone made it sound like going to the healer in the Hidden City had been his idea, when they all knew that they were going on Draxum's insistence.

April would usually push Leo back in his place and force some humility in his face, but right now his arrogance wasn't the problem, it was his uncertainty and self-consciousness. Acting proud and confident would probably do him some good right now.

"I'll make sure Mikey gets home before dawn." April said. "We'll even bring some cheesecake." Because who could say no to some great New York style cheesecake? "Just no more fighting over who is the most messed up, okay? You're all great. You're all absolute messes. You're all going to be okay eventually, but it's okay if you're not right now, or if it takes awhile to get there."

"We're not fighting anymore." Leo said. "Though Raph's really not happy that we dragged him into talking to Dad. And Dad's not happy that he was keeping this a secret from us."

"I'm not happy that any of you were keeping any of these secrets from me." April said sternly. "We're a family. Families don't keep things like that from each other. Next time, talk to me, or else I'll whoop all of your butts into next week."

Leo laughed, knowing that even though she was just kidding around she was also completely serious. "I'll keep that in mind. Thanks."

"Love you, guys." April said as cheerfully as she could manage. She hung up and sat on the couch, suddenly feeling more relaxed than she had just ten minutes ago. Nothing was completely fixed, but they had a plan to fix things, and the guys had calmed down. It was better, and after everything that happened that was about as much as they could hope for right now.

Chapter Text

Splinter hadn't wanted to trust Baron Draxum again, and under most circumstances he would have insisted on doing the contrary to the yokai's suggestion, just because he felt like he deserved to be petty. However, his sons were hurting and struggling, and Splinter couldn't help them as much as he wished he could. He'd nearly lost his sons to the Kraang, and he'd been completely blind to their suffering afterwards. He'd been far too relieved that they were safe that he had shrugged off anything weird he had noticed about their behavior.

Splinter had always known that he wasn't a good father for his boys. He couldn't give them what they needed. He was barely able to take care of himself. Every day he felt like he was drowning in a sea of grief as his mind circled through everything he had loved and lost. His mother. His fame and glory. His body. The only thing to distract him was mindless television and trying in vain to relive the past.

He wasn't completely adjusted now, but he had improved a lot from where he had been just two years ago. Now he wasn't afraid of opening himself up and letting the boys in, even though there was the risk that he would someday lose them, just as he had lost everything else.

He was doing better, but he was far from perfect. Splinter was still selfish and he still didn't know how to let his boys in as often as he probably should. He was trying though, and part of that was taking his boys, as well as Casey and April, to the mystic healer that Draxum had recommended them to.

Splinter would love to help his boys on his own without having to rely on a magical stranger, but he knew he wouldn't be able to. Splinter didn't even know how to move on from the pain and trauma of his own childhood. If he couldn't even teach his son's by example, how could he help them as much as they needed?

Baron Draxum's healer friend specialized in helping with this exact thing. They had training, and experience. It didn't matter that Splinter didn't want to trust Draxum just on principle. He wasn't going to let his pride get in the way of his children being taken care of. Splinter would happily trust his old enemy if it meant that his boys didn't need to live the rest of their lives carrying the burden of fear, loss, and trauma that still weighed him down every day.

So Splinter brought the teenagers to the healer at the Hidden City. He wanted to be involved in his son's healing processes. He had been in the dark for far too long when it came to his son's safety and wellbeing. He couldn't be oblivious anymore.

The mystic healers led them all into separate rooms. Splinter had only gone along with this because his children had all seemed content with this separation. In fact, they seemed to prefer things to be this way. Leo didn't want to talk about his insecurities in front of his family. Donatello believed in doctor patient confidentiality. April and Mikey were happy to do whatever the mystic healers thought was best, because they wanted to truly move on. As for Raphael, he was still reluctant to burden his family with his issues. He took after Splinter in that way. His oldest son would much rather have his problems fixed without making them his family's problems as well.

Splinter had thought that he would be stuck waiting anxiously for an hour or two. After all, he was here for his sons and no other reason. He'd tried the whole therapy thing as Lou Jitsu, when his old agent had forced him into it when his sleeping and drinking around got a little too problematic.

It had just been a lot of being told that he was acting out as a plea for attention. Lou Jitsu hadn't been happy about paying money for a pretentious jerk to tell him something that he already knew. Of course he wanted attention. If he didn't want to be in the spotlight, he wouldn't have become a movie star. He hadn't seen the problem with that.

He was supportive of his sons coming to therapy. It just wasn't for him. He wasn't sick or currently going through a traumatic experience. Yes, he had almost lost his sons, and that had been horrifying, but he had been dealing with loss and suffering all through his life. He knew how to cope by now. His sons didn't have that experience yet.

Splinter was surprised when he was brought into a room with a mystic healer in it. He had thought that he'd entered the wrong room, but they addressed him by name and invited him to sit.

Splinter had been dubious and frustrated, but he relaxed when the healer asked him about his sons. Not about how worried he was about them, or how well he took care of them, or anything like that. The healer just wanted Splinter to talk about his boys, their hobbies, their relationships, and anything he wanted. That was something that Splinter could do.

He talked about the ninjitsu that he and his sons did, and the games that the boys played. Eventually the conversation moved to how until recently Splinter had been distant and cold with his boys. Somehow, from there the healer got Splinter to talk about how part of the reason why he'd been afraid to open himself up to his sons had been to protect himself, but a larger reason was because he was trying to protect them.

Splinter didn't like to talk about his mother with anybody. He had told his sons far less about her than he probably should have. And yet here he was, talking about her with the healer without even realizing what he was doing.

Though Splinter had never stopped to consider it before, while talking it through and allowing himself to think about it, he realized that he had tried to distance himself from his children because he had lost his mother as a young child, and it had destroyed him. He'd loved her so much, and had never doubted her love for him. Now he knew that his grandfather had loved him intensely, but as a youth he'd refused to see it, because he knew that he would lose his grandfather sooner or later, and he hadn't wanted to feel that intense loss again.

He'd tried to protect himself, and when he took on his boys he'd unconsciously started to do the same thing for them. Surely if he didn't get close to them, they wouldn't feel that pain of losing a loving parent the way that he had.

The healer listened. They didn't tell him how he was feeling, or tried to lead him, they just said just the right thing for Splinter to realize things for himself. It was exhausting, but cathartic, so when the healer suggested that he come back in a week, he didn't hesitate to agree. It was only when Splinter walked into the waiting room did he realize that he hadn't meant for this to happen at all, and he was confused by the whole thing. He faltered slightly in his steps, looking around in confusion.

It was odd. He had felt incredibly clear-headed while talking to the healer, and he certainly hadn't felt like he was under the influence of mystic powers, but now he felt like he had stepped out of a magical field of sorts. Had the healer used magic to encourage Splinter to not just talk about how he was feeling, but also bring those feelings that frightened him to the front of his mind.

His instinct was to feel furious and intruded. He'd had so much mystical intervention on his well-being, but this was different. The magic hadn't changed his thoughts and feelings. Splinter knew that these feelings of his were real, and it really had been helpful.

So he wasn't mad or even uncomfortable, he was just confused.

In the sitting room he found Leonardo already waiting there. His son gave him a small smile.

"Hey, Dad," Leo said. "It feels weird, doesn't it?"

"Very." Splinter rubbed the back of his neck. "What was it like for you?" Splinter both wanted to know if his experience was normal, and how Leo was truly feeling.

His son shrugged. "They said that I am my own worst critic and project my own insecurities on others, and then get defensive about them."

Splinter was familiar with the feeling. He was incredibly similar. In a way, the reason why he had distanced himself from his son had been for a related reason.

Leo looked down at a piece of paper in his hands. "They gave me some exercises to try, including writing down my faults and my talents, and keeping the list balanced. They also wanted me to try to lead one of those dumb team-bonding activities that Raph was obsessed with. Then I'll come back next week and talk to them about how it went."

That was the exact kind of thing that Splinter wouldn't have liked at all, but Leo looked content. This might be the first time that he had seen his son look so calm and comfortable since the Kraang incident.

"Do you think this is something that can help you?" Splinter asked. Leo tightened his grip on the papers.

"I mean, it's not like it will hurt to try." Leo said with a very small smirk. "I think I can give this a short. At the very least I can hold off on stepping down as leader until I do this for another week or two."

Splinter was happy to hear it. He sincerely believed that Leonardo would be a good leader. Actually, he thought that all of his sons would be good leaders in their own ways. Raphael was a natural protector, and he would do anything for the sake of his brothers. Leonardo thought quickly and adapted when the situation called for it. He got himself into all kinds of problems, but he knew how to get out of them.

Donatello was the smartest person that Splinter knew, and he saw all kinds of things that the other boys and even Splinter himself would never even notice. Even Michelangelo, his spirited boy, was probably the most emotionally mature of his boys. He wasn't perfect, but he kept his brothers grounded when they began to spiral.

Splinter hadn't chosen Leo as the leader because he hadn't thought that Raph was good enough. He knew what his sons were capable of, and he wanted them to be aware of it too. If Raph didn't have the pressure of being leader, maybe he would relax and realize that he had more to contribute to the team than his brute strength and the fact that he was the oldest. And if Leo was forced into a leadership position maybe he would mature a little bit and begin to realize that there was a time and place for all of his scheming.

Splinter hadn't necessarily planned on this being a permanent thing. He just wanted to see how the boys adapted to a change in their dynamics. Would they stumble through it, or thrive immediately?

Clearly there had been a lot of stumbling so far, but maybe now that they'd gotten through the hurdles and came out stronger for it, they would be able to begin to thrive.

Leo looked at some of the papers he was holding. "Dad, do you think it's okay to be selfish sometimes?" Splinter was stunned and didn't know where his son was going with this. Leo continued before he could make a fool of himself. "You know, lately I've been trying to understand that things aren't about me. That me being the leader doesn't mean that I know everything, or have to do everything. It's not a chance for me to shine in the spotlight, it's the responsibility of making sure that the team is okay."

Leo sighed. "I started thinking that if I thought about myself, then I was letting the team down, because I was being selfish and making things about me again." He smiled ever so slightly. "The healer said that sometimes, every once and awhile, it's okay to be selfish and have things be about me sometimes, because if I'm not okay then I can't help my brothers."

Leo looked a little nervous. "The healer gave me some meditation exercises to do, to focus and ground myself if I start feeling overwhelmed, or to think before I act, or even just to take a few minutes and center myself again. Do you think you could do it with me?"

Splinter hadn't done proper meditation for years. His grandfather had tried to encourage him to do it, but he'd been too scared and angry. He didn't care if it would help him to find peace with his mother's death. If anything, that had been part of the reason why he'd avoided it. When he was young he'd thought that if he no longer grieved his mother then he would forget her.

He was in a better place now, and though he didn't know as much about meditation as he probably should, he could learn. For his son's peace of mind, and for himself, Splinter would learn.

"I would love to join you." Splinter said. Leo looked relieved and excited. Though he was doing better with giving his children the attention they needed, he still had a long way to go. Splinter knew that he needed to give his boys more attention. It was the least that they deserved.

"Dad!" Mikey shouted as he ran into the room. He looked far more relaxed than before. Coming here had been good for him. "Leo!"

"Hey, Mikey." Leo said. "How'd it go?"

"Great." Mikey said. "They're so nice. They just talked, and listened, and it felt good. They said that it's great that we all want to help each other, but we shouldn't beat ourselves up if we're not good enough on our own."

Mikey looked at his hands in awe. "I guess Draxum told me I've been wanting to work on my mystical powers, because they offered to show me a thing or two. They even taught me a simple spell I can use to contact them if any of us need to talk."

Splinter didn't completely understand mystic magic. The closest thing he understood was the magic that had been passed down through the Hamato generations. It was always nice to see the passion that Mikey put into everything he did.

April came out a few minutes later. She didn't have anything to say about her own conversation, but she was much less tense than before. That was at least half the kids , as well as Splinter himself, who found this to be a good experience. He hated to admit it, but not only had Draxum's suggestion been the only thing they could do, it had been a good idea. Splinter would have to thank him, hopefully without their conversation turning into an argument the way that they so often did.

Donatello was the next to come out. Apparently he had stayed with his healer for longer than was necessary to discuss the theories behind mystic healing and the ways that it differed from and was similar to psychology.

Splinter didn't completely understand what had been bothering Donnie all week. He just knew that it had something to do with his shell. Something that the healer had done or said must have stuck with Donnie, because he was wearing his battle shell again. He didn't look completely comfortable, but it was something.

"There isn't really anything wrong with my shell." Donnie said when April asked if he was okay. "I knew it was all in my head. The healer had a few ideas on how I can get over it. The simplest thing to try is exposure therapy, so I'm going to have my shell on for a few minutes before taking it off. I'll slowly increase the amount of time that I wear it, and hopefully by next week there will be some improvement."

Donnie looked around. "Where are Casey and Raph?"

"Still talking to the healers." Splinter said. He didn't know whether to be concerned or relieved. On the one hand, he wanted his son and his friend to get all the help they needed. On the other hand, what if they were so hurt that they needed far more help than what mystical healers could provide? Splinter once again found himself wishing that he could be in there with his son.

Leo looked at Donnie's concerned expression and Mikey's slowly growing frown. They were worried about Raph, just as Splinter was. Leo had to be worried too, but he smiled and threw an arm over Mikey's shoulder.

"Hey, they might be a bit. Why don't we go hang around the Hidden City? 'Cause I don't know about you guys, but I'm starved." Leo said.

"What about Raph?" Mikey asked. "I don't want to leave him."

"You know that Raph has a tendency to freak out if he's alone." Donnie pointed out.

"He's with a mystic healer." Leo reminded them. "If he's going to freak out, there's no better place to do it."

Splinter knew that Leo wasn't trying to be dismissive of Raph's pain, he was simply trying to distract his younger brothers from the fact that there wasn't really anything that they could do right now. He was trying to be responsible, and Splinter was proud.

"Leonardo is right." Splinter said. "We all came here for healing. You've all made progress. I don't want you to be set back because you're worried for your brother. Raphael is in good hands. Trust the healers. Go. Relax. Enjoy yourselves. I'll stay here and make sure that your brother and friend are okay."

Donnie and Mikey still looked dubious, but when Leo started to lead them out they followed, and April was right behind them. Splinter watched them go. When they were out of sight he sighed tensely and sat on one of the waiting chairs. He was sure that Raphael was fine, but that didn't make the wait any easier. He would relax when he saw that his sons were safe.

Splinter was mentally preparing himself for a long wait when one of the mystic healers came out from the back, leading a drowsy looking Casey. Splinter stood up, feeling concern for the boy that he barely knew, but was already a part of their mixed up family.

"Is he alright?" Splinter asked. "What's wrong?"

"He will be okay." The healer led Casey to a chair. He shakily sat down and rested his head in his hands. He looked exhausted and a little distressed. "He carries a lot within his soul, but he didn't fully understand all that he'd been through, so there was only so much we could learn through his words alone. We had to go into his mind and capture the memories of his trauma so we can see just what he's been through."

Splinter didn't know a lot of the specifics about what Casey had lived through, but he knew far more about the Kraang and how dangerous and cruel they were then he would ever want to. Casey hadn't lived through just a few short days of their reign. It had been his whole life. That wasn't the kind of thing that somebody quickly got over.

"Did he have to relive that trauma?" Splinter was horrified at the very thought.

"Oh, no, we made every precaution to make sure that we did not retraumatize him." The healer assured him. "We made sure that he had a very pleasant dream while we worked. Of course, this kind of magic can be very draining for everybody involved. He will be tired for the next several hours. It would be best for Casey if he came back here in a few days, when he's ready. By that time we'll have had the chance to properly go through the memories and we can figure out how to help him."

So Casey hadn't gotten any help, but he could later. Splinter was a little cautious about this, but the healers had done well with him, his boys, and April. He needed to trust that they knew what they were doing.

"How is my son?" Splinter asked. The healer's expression gave away nothing about Raph's state, which was mildly annoying.

"We're almost done with him." The healer said casually. They didn't sound remotely concerned, but it didn't do a lot to ease Splinter's concern. He always assumed that healers and doctors were skilled in the art of hiding how they were really feeling.

"What is taking so long?" Splinter asked. He knew that he sounded like an impatient child, but he couldn't help it. He wanted to see his son.

"It's a complicated procedure." The healer said. "Do you want to come back with me to see him? Your presence may help him to relax."

It was exactly what he wanted, but Splinter didn't want to leave Casey on his own. He looked back towards the boy, who was staring tiredly at him.

"Go ahead." Casey waved him off. "I'm fine. Just tired." Maybe Splinter should have insisted on remaining with him, but he was far too desperate to see Raph. He gave Casey an appreciative smile and followed the healer to the room where Raph was.

His oldest son was laid back on what looked like an exam table. A healer was kneeling over him, their hands on the side of Raph's head. The healer leaned so far forward that their heads were only a few inches away from each other.

The two of them were staring blankly at each other, neither of them so much as blinking. At the same time though, neither of them looked like they were actually seeing anything.

"What's going on?" Splinter asked in a quiet tone. Raph didn't glance his way, but his hands twitched.

"Hi, Pops." Raph's voice shook slightly. He sounded so young and vulnerable.

The healer that had accompanied Splinter guided him to take Raph's hand, which he was only too happy to do.

"We found a parasite of sorts behind his eye." The healer next to Raph said without looking away from the turtle. "It's not something any of us recognized. We tried to detach it, but it's resistant to any of our power."

"A parasite?!" Splinter was horrified. Had a bit of the Kraang embedded itself into his son? Was it going to slowly take control of him, just like before? Splinter couldn't bear the thought.

"It's not that bad." Raph said, even as he squeezed Slinter's hand tightly. He was oddly calm.

"It's not exactly benign." The healer with Splinter said. "Your son is only so calm because we put a quiet presence around him. However, he'd correct, the situation is not as bad as it seems."

"We don't believe that the parasite is spreading or feeding." The other healer said. "It seems to be dead, in which case it's difficult to know if it would still be considered a parasite. Regardless, it's just blocking off the nerve between Raph's eye and his brain, which is why he can't see. Creating a new connection is relatively simple, it's just a long procedure. And despite the calming aura we put around him, he's still tense, which makes it harder."

"It's a little hard to relax when I know that there's a little piece of Kraang still stuck in my head, and it's probably going to be there forever." Raph's voice shook. "I feel like I'm going to be sick."

Splinter's hand was being squeezed. He took his free hand and laid it on his son's hand, patting it reassuringly. "You're doing so well, my son. If I was in your position I know I kow I would be panicking, regardless of how strong a calming spell is on me."

Raph's mouth twitched to a small smile. "Donnie would be so squeamish about this."

"Oh, most certainly." Splinter chuckled. Donatello had always been the most fidgety and even anxious about uncomfortable textures, and having a parasite in his head would probably cause him to shut down completely.

Raph took in a long, deep breath. "Dad, what if this doesn't work and I still can't see?"

"Then we will all adjust together." Splinter said. If he could learn how to adjust to being turned into a rat, then he was sure that his son could learn how to be without half his sight if it came to that. Raphael had always been more disciplined than Spllinter had ever been. And he had his brothers at his side. It wouldn't be easy, and it definitely wasn't what any of them wanted, but Splinter knew that they would be able to get through this.

Splinter stood by Raph's side for the next thirty minutes or so. They didn't talk much, but his son just seemed to enjoy his quiet company. He didn't visibly relax, but slowly but surely Raph's grip on Splinter's hand loosened, though it was still incredibly firm. Finally Raph blinked rapidly and the healer kneeling over him let out a tired sigh and sat back.

"It's done." The healer said. He sounded exhausted, but satisfied.

Raph took a deep breath and sat up. He looked at Splinter, frowned slightly, and put a hand over one of his eyes. Raph stared at him for a long minute before grinning broadly. "It worked. Dad, it worked!"

"It did?" Splinter smiled. "You can see me? Really?" He knew that mystical powers were capable of a lot, but somehow bringing sight back to his son had felt like a little too much.

"I mean, it's a little blurry, and there's a bit of a purple tinge to everything, but yeah." Raph said.

"Those are lingering effects of the procedure." The healer that had accompanied Splinter said. "They should fade in time. If they're still there in a few days, we can adjust things to make sure that everything is done right."

"We'll need you to come in regularly so we can reinforce the new connection." The tired healer said. "We'd also like to look closer at this parasite thing to see if we can get it out. And I sensed some distress in your mind that I would like to help with."

"Many of us have to return here in the future." Splinter said to Raph. He didn't want his son to think that he was the only one that needed additional help. They all needed this.

"Are the others okay?" Raph asked.

"Casey's a little tired, but the rest of us are just fine." Splinter said. "I'll give Draxum credit where it's due, this was good for us."

Raph rubbed his eye. "Man, this feels so weird. Not bad, just super weird."

"We'll get used to it." Splinter said. He gave Raph a stern look. "Together. No more secrets between us. We're a family. We take care of each other. We can't do that if we don't know if something's wrong."

"I know." Raph said. "I'll try." Splinter supposed that was the best that he could ask for. He knew that he struggled with the same thing, with not wanting to burden the others with his issues. It was something that they all needed to work on, and maybe now that they had help they would be able to do just that.

"We'll be back soon." Splinter said to the healers. "Thank you for all you've done."

"Anything for the baron." The healers said in unison. Splinter didn't think he'd ever get used to the idea that Draxum was yokai nobility. It was just far too weird.

"Let's get Casey and find your brothers." Splinter said. He knew his boys, and he knew that none of them would relax completely until they were all together again. They were close, and always would be. They made a good team, and an amazing family. None of them were perfect, and all of the boys, as well as Splinter himself, had a lot of improvement to make.

Today had just been the first step in this journey, and Splinter knew they would probably stumble and falter, or even lose their way, but they were in this together, and that was how he knew that they would get through this. No matter what came their way, they would get through it as a family. Even if they weren't okay now, they would eventually be, and that was what mattered.