Chapter Text
“Hey, Kou?” He redirects his attention from the math problem in front of him to his neighbor Amane, whose smile is as bright and happy as always; Kou can’t help but return it at the sight of his enthusiasm. Amane’s joy always makes Kou feel warm in a way that no one else’s, not even Teru’s, can.
“Did you want to partner up for the English project?” His smile slips a little, and he averts his gaze to the side of Amane’s face. Kou’s always struggled with making close friends; his reluctance to invite them over always dampens their relationship before it has a chance to really start. He can’t put a name to why he’s ashamed of his house, but if given the choice he would keep all his friends far away from it.
He gets invited sometimes to the other’s houses, something he never fails to take advantage of, but the flip side is that if he’s not invited along on a trip, his anxiety at being left behind controls him until Teru can manage to calm him down. Maybe that’s the reason he doesn’t want people to see his house; the familiar environment leaves him less on edge and if he acts in the wrong way they might be disgusted enough to ditch him for someone cooler. Backing out of this invite with Amane might do the same. He glances back at Amane, hoping his smile doesn't seem too fake.
“I’d love to! Which house would you want to meet at?” Amane hums a little.
“Yours, maybe? If Tsukasa’s around it’ll be hard to focus on the work.” Kou’s heart falls to the bottom of his stomach, but he doesn’t have an excuse to say no, especially not after seeing Amane’s face light up when he slowly nods.
Walking home with Amane is easier; the other boy controls the conversation, just like always. Kou enjoys listening to his random facts more than contributing. The minute they step inside, Amane’s kicking off his shoes and dropping his backpack to the floor, heading straight for the couch with his laptop as if he’s been here before. Kou follows reluctantly, settling down on the side opposite Amane.
“So, we have to analyse a famous book, right?” Amane starts, flipping the laptop open. “I looked at her list of options and I kinda wanna pick The Sun Also Rises.”
“Because it has sun in the title?” Amane blushes a little. At least he has the grace to look embarrassed.
“Well, nothing on the list was about the moon or space! I had to settle.” Despite the way Amane’s words seem a little defensive, making Kou want to pull away and apologize for making him uncomfortable, there’s an undercurrent of amusement in his voice that makes him think it’s fine to continue joking around.
“Somehow, I doubt this book is what you’re hoping for,” Kou snickers.
Kou hadn’t realized, caught up in the bickering and analyzing Amane’s reactions, but there’s suddenly just a few inches separating him from Amane; he’s so much closer now than he was when Kou had joined him on the couch. There’s no room to scoot back either; he’s trapped between the armrest and his friend. He eyes the few inches between them, hoping Amane doesn’t decide to move closer.
His parents are aware that he doesn’t particularly enjoy being touched by others, with the one exception being Teru. From the way Amane acts around school, he loves to cling to his friends whenever he can; Kou’s been fortunate enough to have avoided his grasp thus far. Today, his luck finally runs out as Amane squishes into his side, tilting the laptop so Kou can see it. He stiffens instinctively, preparing to try to jump away from the contact, but shockingly, the way Amane’s pressed into him feels strangely comforting and all the tension gradually leaches from his body, relaxing into Amane's side.
Without really thinking about it, his arm winds around Amane’s back, prompting him to move a little closer, resting his head on Kou’s shoulder. Kou glances at the screen, partially from curiosity, partially to distract himself from the warmth stirring inside him, to find Amane’s pulled up the Wikipedia summary of the book.
“I guess you were right, Kou.” He almost flinches at how loud Amane’s voice feels when he’s so close to his ear. “Nothing to do with space. Kind of a misnamed book, then, don’t you think?”
“I think you’re the only one who would think so.” Amane snorts a little.
“Maybe so. Do any of the books appeal to you?” He shifts the laptop onto Kou’s lap, hand resting on his thigh sending little jolts of electricity through him as Kou peruses the list, barely able to concentrate given his hyperfocus on all the places they’re touching.
“This entire list is full of depressing books.” No matter how he scrolls, trying to find something that at least seems uplifting, each synopsis is worse than the last.
“No preference, I take it?” Amane laughs, breath ghosting against Kou’s ear and making him shiver slightly. “It’s English class, Kou. Everything is going to be depressing.”
“I just want to read whatever is the most happy,” Kou emphasizes.
“I can decide, then, if it’s easier for you? We can always start the work another day–we’ve got plenty of time.” It’s a useful compromise, but one that has the corners of Kou’s mouth turning downward; even if he doesn’t understand the reason behind being so relaxed near Amane nor how warm he feels when they’re snuggled together like this, he can’t ignore his feeling of disappointment at letting Amane leave him so soon.
“You came all this way just to leave that quickly? At least stay for dinner.” The offer jumps out of Kou’s mouth before he can think better of it, and the few seconds he spends waiting for a response have him stiffening, prepared to pull away if Amane turns him down.
“Oh? So reluctant to have guests, but so hospitable if they force themselves onto you.” The tension evaporates from his body all at once. Suppressing his joy at Amane’s agreement, Kou just rolls his eyes, heading towards the kitchen. The entire time he cooks, the sensation of Amane pressing against his side is burned into his mind, and the contrast between his eagerness for Amane’s touch and his revulsion at even hugs from family seems impossible to understand. It’s probably just another one of his quirks; he immediately tries to shove it away, in the same place he keeps all the other behaviors that make him stand out. If Amane knew the way he made warmth curl inside him, he might start to avoid him, forcing him to lose another friend; as he watches the meat start to brown in the pan, Kou hopes Amane won't catch on to his inconvenient feelings. Maybe they'll be gone by school tomorrow; it's probably nothing more than anxiety as Amane invades his personal space.
Maintaining a conversation during dinner is surprisingly difficult, in a way it's never been before; Amane's eyes weigh heavy on him as he nibbles at the dinner before him. It's just the way Amane looks at everyone, Kou's certain, but even so it makes him squirm. Amane smiles a little at him as he fidgets in his chair. It has Kou's eyes darting between looking directly at him and the side of his head, not quite able to maintain eye contact as he grows more flustered. He's never noticed before now, but Amane's eyes crinkle at the corner whenever he's smiling, only worsening his growing blush. There's no way Amane won't catch on to him if this continues; he focuses on his plate instead in an attempt to stifle his reactions.
Kou's normally pretty capable of conversing but somehow as he sits across from Amane, finally seeing his little mannerisms and quirks that have gone unnoticed until now, all his words seem to melt away. His answers switch to one word responses instead of the usual detail filled sentences he tries to provide as his foot starts to shake a little underneath the table with the stress. It's all he can do to finish his meal, one slow bite at a time; carrying on a typical conversation like this would have been impossible. Amane seems content to fill the gaps between Kou's responses, sharing various space factoids and gossip he's picked up from other students. Kou does his best to listen and seem invested, even if he's not entirely paying attention; if only Teru were here to help smooth over the bumps in this interaction.
Finally, Amane's plate is clean; Kou had polished his off a while ago in his effort to busy his mouth so he wouldn't have to talk and stammer his way through a sentence while Amane gazes at him, listening intently. "I probably shouldn't stay much longer. Tsukasa might get worried." He pushes back his chair; Kou trails slightly behind him as he heads for the door.
It's slightly disappointing to watch him leave, but a bit of a relief in the way his absence will finally grant Kou a chance to calm down. "Oh, sorry to have kept you, then," Kou says, watching Amane slip on his shoes.
"No, I didn't mind! It was fun. I like spending time with you, you know." Amane's hand is on the doorknob, and Kou waits for him to open the door. Instead he turns to face Kou, wrapping his arms around him. The unfamiliar gesture has Kou freezing a little as he tries to acclimate to being touched familiarly so suddenly. It's only Amane, though, and Kou’s learned it feels nice to be close to him, so he hesitantly returns the embrace, trying to stifle the feelings of warmth beginning to pool in his stomach.
Amane pulls away all too soon. "See you tomorrow, Kou!" Kou clicks the lock shut behind him, letting his forehead thump against the door. If he keeps reacting this way to all the friendly gestures Amane makes, how is he supposed to face him at school?