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It was roughly 5am, and Morrigan suddenly jolted up, her insides feeling like they’d been opposite stabbed, pulled from the inside out. What was happening? Something odd in last night’s dinner, she resolved. Frank was a party planner extraordinaire, but he was no chef. No matter, Morrigan thought. It had to tide over soon. Tossing and turning around her bed, the pain persisting still, she finally resigned to finding Jupiter. Creeping through the halls, trying not to wake anyone she didn’t have to, she noticed the light beaming from the hallway. He was already awake. She slid into Jupiter’s study, gently closing the door behind her.
“Oh, Mog! Good morning.” Jupiter paused, noticing Morrigan’s grimace. “Everything okay?” His face turned to worry, and Morrigan could more clearly see the dark circles around his eyes.
She paused, unsure whether to cause him more concern, but she knew although he’d promised to never use his abilities to snoop on her, he would take that back in an instant if he was concerned. As the sun began to flow in through the window, the small, ornate pencil pot sat on Jupiter’s desk became illuminated, shining over the hotel’s stationary set. “I’m alright, I think. But— and sorry, I know it’s early— is it a bad sign that it feels like my insides are being somewhat murdered? Probably Frank’s cooking.”
“Aah, it was his turn last night. Sorry I was out again, Mog… Hey, but also—You don’t get to say sorry! You can’t reschedule illness!”
“Really, it’s fine.” Morrigan stated, shifting her feet on the plush, old carpet.
Jupiter stood up, wrapping his arms around her. “I’ll get you some pain killers. Stay put.”
The morning passed with Morrigan spread out on the couch in Jupiter’s study while he worked till he was certain she would be okay.
Striding back to her room and tugging on her uniform for the day, Morrigan suddenly had a thought pop into her head, pushing past everything else. Why was she so desperate for a chocolate muffin? Maybe there would be some fresh ones prepared for the breakfasts tomorrow, she pondered. And her stomach felt bloated and strange… What in the Free State did Frank put in that spaghetti? But the chocolate was the priority, so soon enough she was down the stairs to the kitchen, passing guests beginning to stir and stretch. Scoffing into a muffin from a fresh tray, she slowly made direct eye-contact with Jack, who was standing in the doorway, peering into the large kitchen. “You seem horrible, as always!” he jested cheerily, sliding up to lean into the muffin tray.
But today, something felt different with Jack’s usual taunts. Why did he have to be so mean, and how was it meant to be funny? Morrigan’s eyes began to burn, and she took another muffin, running back to her room, up the long stairs with their elegant banister. Jack called out “Morrigan, wait!” but it was too late. The door was closed. She sat there, pitch black academic skirt crumpling down to the carpet, forming a pool of fabric around her, and Morrigan did something she hadn’t done in a long time. She began to cry. Silently, but surely enough tears ran down her face as she felt the pain still nagging at her, even after the medication. Grabbing at her like some kind of a taunt. However, still through the gaps for the old hinges, she could hear Jack and Jupiter discussing the events of the morning.
“I think something’s wrong with Morrigan…” Jack leant against the wall, sending a creak right down to Morrigan’s head.
“No, there definitely is. She isn’t herself.”
Morrigan’s mind was whirring with her whirlwind of emotions as she tried to breath gently, but that sentence caught in her mind as she watched the wind speeding up outside. Jack and Jupiter, they had been reading her! She burst through the dark wood door, eyes turning to storm. “I knew it! You have been using your Witness-ish-ness on me, even after I asked you not to.” The hall reverberated with her raised voice as it dispersed.
Jupiter shook his head. “Mog, I don’t want to fuel this fire more, but I’m afraid all I’m using is common sense.” Jack nodded slightly, and suddenly all Morrigan felt was guilty that she shouted. “I don’t mean to be intrusive, but you do seem a bit off today, Moggers.” Jupiter’s eyebrows furrowed slightly in concern as Morrigan’s anger fell into some kind of despairing confusion. What was happening?
“I… I’m sorry. I’ve got to go. I’m going to be late for Hometrain if I stay longer.” she stated, beginning to pace, tears still falling. But before she could run too far, Jupiter scraped her up in a warm embrace. “Have a good day. I’ll stay home tonight.”
Morrigan ran through her bedroom, tearing open her little door and entering the station, where she was greeted by her unit, and primarily Hawthorne. “Look who showed up!” Then he noticed her face, and shuffled a little closer. “Are you okay?”
Nodding assertively, Morrigan stood back a step. “I’m alright. I’m— I’m okay. I’ve had somewhat of a… big morning, but I’m here now, I suppose.”
With a deep rumble, Unit 919’s Hometrain pulled up to the station, Miss Cheery sticking her head out of the door. “Good morning!” she called.
“Good morning!” the unit replied, almost synchronously. Morrigan took the break in attention to quickly wipe her eyes with the inside of her blazer, and filed into the train with everyone else. Hawthorne glanced at her quizzically, but her glare was his sign that now wasn’t the time to ask more.
Everybody filed onto the Hometrain, getting settled in their positions when Morrigan suddenly noticed a damp feeling in her pants—and before she could react, she sneezed, growing the wet patch. Dread grew inside her—“I’ve got to go.”
Morrigan pulled herself up from her seat next to Anah, and ran through the carriage into the unit’s shared bathroom, racing past everything and slamming the door, locking it carefully. As she pulled up her skirt and down her underwear, she saw a giant red splodge occupying most of her underpants, and it had most certainly soaked through, leaving a small spot on her skirt lining. Why was there blood, there? She began to spiral, what could be happening? Was she dying? Had she gotten a weirdly big cut and not noticed? Did Frank’s spaghetti contain small knives which were making their way inside of her?
There was blood, and it was hers, and she was in pain, this cramping sensation continuing still, and why was she just so emotional? And why was she like this? And why could she evade death from a giant hunt only to bleed out like this?
Her breathing became shallow and quick, and her vision became narrow.
Placing some tissues and a cushion over Morrigan’s seat as the rest of the unit looked on bewildered, Anah slid into the bathroom carriage, deciding to help through this locked door however she could. Meanwhile, inside, Morrigan was in a tremendous panic. There was a deep red stain on her pants, it was definitely blood, and she was probably going to die, she thought. Anah spoke up from the other side of the door. “Morrigan? Are you doing alright?”
“Get Miss Cheery, I— I think I’m dying,” she sobbed. “And— and there’s blood all over my pants.” Tears dropped on the tiles gently as Morrigan tried to regulate her breathing.
Anah sighed, wondering who failed to tell Morrigan this vital information that had left her in this position. “You’re not dying, I promise.”
“But— but I’m bleeding, and my stomach hurts so much, and now my chest, it’s— it’s so tight— and—,” The words echoed around the room as Morrigan stood up, sliding back against the wall. Anah realised suddenly that not only was Morrigan getting her first period, she was also spiralling further into a panic attack by the minute.
“You’re okay, Morrigan, I promise. But I might need you to open the door. If… If that’s okay with you.” Morrigan paused, before swinging the door open reluctantly. Anah almost gasped– she had been expecting it, but still, seeing her friend—no, her sister—so scared and vulnerable, blood running gently down her legs, face red and splotchy, simply so shaken compared to the strong Morrigan that Anah had seen, it was scary. She ran over to Morrigan, pulling her into an embrace, holding her tightly as her unitmate sobbed quietly. Morrigan, once released, felt Anah grab her hands softly. “Do you think you can do some breathing with me?”
As Anah took a long, smooth breath in, Morrigan tried her best to copy, although hers was more jagged, and they breathed out simultaneously. Having repeated the cycle a few times, Morrigan’s mind eased out of panic and further into reason. Anah smiled warmly towards Morrigan. “Now, I don’t know who owes you this explanation, but I can give you one now.”
“Do you know how those assigned female at birth can have children, and those children grow from an egg, or ovum in their uterus?” Anah was trying to talk as fast as she could while being reassuring.
“Yes? Well, maybe not all of the details…” Morrigan replied, entirely unsure how this related. “Wait, am I pregnant? I don’t— I’ve never—,”
“You’re not, you’re safe and very child-free actually! So that those with uteri are able to have babies, an ovum or egg is released every month, and the uterus, the area where the ovum is released to and where a child would grow, grows some lining so that if the egg gets fertilised, the child can grow comfortably.”
“Okay, I’m following… But how—,”
“And once you’re able to have a child and the eggs start getting released, this egg and lining get replaced about monthly, and so the lining has to leave somehow.”
“Oh.”
“And also the lining is comprised of blood and mucus, and exits through your vaginal opening. That’s what’s happening. It’s called menstruation or a period, it takes about 3-7 days, and it’s a part of your menstrual cycle.” Anah took a large breath, feeling awkward that she was the person to tell Morrigan this.
“And the stomach pain?”
“It’s your uterus trying to squeeze out the lining.”
“This happens monthly now?”
“Roughly. It’s not regular timing at first often though. Also, you may feel like your moods are a roller coaster, and crave sweet or salty foods.”
“…The chocolate muffin!”
“What?”
“Nevermind. I don’t think the blood has reached my skirt, but it has ruined my underpants, exactly how do I stop it from doing that?” Morrigan took some long breaths herself, and wiped her eyes with the collar of her shirt.
“What’s done to your underpants will probably wash out with some stain remover, but I can give you a plastic bag to carry them in. I have a spare pair, I know it’s weird to share underpants but it’s… probably best in this situation. To absorb the blood before it does that, you can wear things called pads, which you stick onto your underwear, and if they have flaps you wrap them around your underwear, or tampons, which you put into your vagina. But pads are often good for starting.”
“Yes, I’m not quite in the mood for sticking something up there right now. Would you happen to have any… Um… Pads. That you won’t need.”
“Yes, I have some spare. I don’t use them myself. If you open the door a crack I can slide some underpants and pads through. When you unfold the packaging, you peel the pad off, and the sticky bit goes on your underwear. Change it about every four hours. And I’ll give you some wipes for your legs.”
“Okay. Thanks.” Morrigan held out her hand as Anah finished rooting through her bag for the supplies, and handed over a little plastic bag, some wipes, some pads, and a clean pair of boy short underpants.
“Do you want me to leave while you clean up?”
“Can you stay, but… Outside? I still feel shaky. Also it’ll be weird if I leave alone, mainly.”
“Absolutely.”
A few minutes passed like that, Anah leaned against the wall of the carriage, Morrigan cleaning up and changing pants. Once she was done, she splashed her face and walked out, closing the door behind her.
“Great! Are you going to be alright?” Anah put her crossbody bag back over her shoulder, packing up everything she’d taken out finding the pads.
“Yeah, I think so…”
Morrigan and Anah walked back into the main section of Hometrain, greeted by only Miss Cheery. “...What’s happening now?” Morrigan grimaced slightly.
“We pulled up a while ago, but I advised the rest of the unit to head off to class, while I waited on you.” The lights shone a warm white onto the train carriage, and angled perfectly to highlight the pride flag the unit had hung. Progress pride. Miss Cheery smiled at the two, before hesitating. “I saw the stain. It’s cleaned off of the couch, another lesson about the sheer brilliance of detergent pens.”
Morrigan winced slightly, before turning to Anah. “There was a stain?” Her cheeks flushed red as she pulled on her skirt hem, attempting to hide some embarrassment.
Anah nodded gently. “Yes, yeah, there was. But Morrigan, really, it’s nothing to be embarrassed about. We’ve all been there, or will be some day.”
Miss Cheery slid the doors to Hometrain open. “Anah, it’s so wonderful that you were there for Morrigan when she needed it, and thank you for doing that, but how about I take over from here? Class has started, but I’ve got you this.” She handed Anah a post-it note with what Morrigan was sure was an absolute lie of an excuse, judging by the wink Miss Cheery gave her.
“I would’ve done it for anyone, especially one of my unit mates.” She gave Morrigan a final hug before turning towards the doors and jogging off to class.
“Now, Morrigan. Is this your first period?”
“...Yes. And I’m not sure how much you would’ve guessed already, but I wasn’t necessarily prepared for it.” The doors stayed open, letting a gentle breeze flow through the typically enclosed space.
“I’m sorry to hear that, I know it must have been quite a scary experience.” As Miss Cheery was speaking, Morrigan took a moment to notice her rainbow skirt, moving slightly with the woman’s expressions. “Are you feeling well?”
“...Not really. I’m tired, I’m sore, and I think I had a panic attack? It’s the sort of thing Jupiter’s talked to me about.”
“Yeah, I did guess that. I don’t think it’s a smart idea for you to go to class today, what do you think?”
“I guess not…” It wasn’t the finest day for Morrigan, mentally, physically or emotionally, and she could at least recognise that much.
“Do you want me to call Jupiter to come and grab you while you have a rest? The doors’ll be locked by now…”
“Yes, please and thank you.”
Morrigan was handed a biscuit from the polar bear jar, glimmering in the sun, which she ate away at slowly, sitting on one of the lovely armchairs within the Hometrain. She could hear muffled noises from the phone call outside, fallen leaves being blown across the cobbled ground, could smell the flowers blooming all over the WunSoc courtyard, and for the first time that day, she was convinced that maybe it would all be okay. That maybe she could handle this. And she drifted gently off to sleep, that thought the last in her mind.
m
Morrigan was awoken by Miss Cheery tapping gently on her arm. Slowly awakening, she took a moment, and with bleary eyes, smiled at her mentor kneeling beside her. “That better?” Miss Cheery inquired.
“Yes. Yes, thank you. I think I needed that.” She obviously didn’t feel perfect, she was wearing the equivalent of an detachable diaper, still had everything from the morning running through her head, and the cramps didn’t fully grind to a halt, but Morrigan recognised that this was certainly an improvement.
“Your patron should be here in around ten minutes, so I thought I’d give you some time to gather yourself before we meet him outside the station. I’ve notified WunSoc of your absence too, so everything should be sorted!”
“Thank you, Miss Cheery.”
Once Morrigan had all her belongings back in hand, the two stepped out of the train, taking the stairs outside of the station and emerging onto the regal WunSoc campus.
“Oh, and a few things:,” Miss Cheery began. “Change your daytime pads normally every four hours-ish, you can get different levels of absorbency depending on how much you have to absorb, but also, there will always be both supplies and support for you in Unit 919.”
Morrigan wrapped Miss Cheery up in a hug. “I really do appreciate it.”
With that, Jupiter arrived, flaming hair and bright suit standing out thoroughly as he walked towards the arranged meeting place.
“Morrigan!” He sped up, coming over towards her. “I was so sorry to hear you’ve been having a hard morning.”
“Yes, well, I was having those stomach problems, I suppose.” She drifted further towards her patron, waving to Miss Cheery.
“Thank you, Marina.” Jupiter added, grinning, before they began their walk.
The two hopped on the brolly line once Jupiter was assured Morrigan felt she would be fine with it, and before long, they were at their station. Jupiter slowed down the pace as they began the stroll towards the Hotel Deucalion, smiling down at Morrigan, though it was slightly tinged with worry. “What’s really happening?”
Morrigan tilted forward further before bending back up again with a moan, more stomach pains. She’d have to tell him eventually, she noted, and now was as good a time as ever. It didn’t help her feel less awkward though. “This morning, I didn’t know what was happening, and I suppose that contributed to my mood, but also, it somewhat caused the mood, but also it was all nobody’s fault, and basically, I have to tell you that I started my period this morning. My first one.” Morrigan twisted awkwardly as she walked, wringing her hands.
“Oh.” Jupiter replied, half in shock.
“Yes. Yeah.”
“Oh!” Jupiter sighed, his forehead crumpling purely out of his frustration at his shortcomings. “I forgot that people who will get periods normally get their menstrual cycles around your age. I’m sorry Mog, I really should’ve prepared you.”
“It’s okay, really.”
“…Was Hometrain okay?”
“Yes. But not at first.” Morrigan chuckled, wiping her eyes. “I saw the blood and thought I was dying. Anah came and saved me with a brief as possible explanation and some pads. And Miss Cheery stayed with me till you came.”
“Well, I’ll be honest, I feel bad that Anah had to fill in for me there. But I’m glad you found someone who knew what they were doing, and that you were supported. This stuff really isn’t my forte, but I promise, Mog, this has been my wake up call to really try.” Jupiter sniffled a little, and Morrigan could tell he felt guilty.
“I’m assuming ‘this stuff’ is the female body?”
“Yeah. Yes.” Jupiter grinned wonkily. “Is there anything I can do right now?”
“Oh, um…” she paused, that little voice in her head trying to hold her back, but Morrigan reminded herself that Jupiter was there for her. “...Definitely. I need some pads, and… are there ones that last longer for night? But yes, some of those please. Toilet paper isn’t that useful. Also some more pain medication?”
Jupiter nodded, eyes squinting slightly as he took a mental note. “I’ll have to pop back out. Mog, honestly, there’s no need to be ashamed about any of this. Really, just ask any time you need anything.” They reached the hotel, metallic ornaments glimmering in the sunlight, and bustling with the noise of its many patrons inside. Morrigan’s home. “I’m here for you, and I always will be.”
Morrigan started crying a little on that last bit. “Wait, what’s wrong now?” Jupiter panicked, standing up.
“My father never would’ve said anything like that. Ever. Thank you.” And with that, Jupiter found his eyes to be quite moist too. He gave Morrigan one final embrace before swinging open the door. “You know, I am Best Substitute Dad Of The Year.”
They stepped into the lobby, and Morrigan wiped her eyes. “Of course.”