Work Text:
Freshly showered after her run, Olive grabbed her laptop and settled in on the couch. She and Adam usually worked together for a few hours on Saturday afternoons. The expectation of working weekends was honestly one of her least favorite parts of academia, but it turned out it was a lot more bearable when she had her husband for companionship and commiseration.
Adam had decided to do a bit of strength training in the basement before sitting down to work, so Olive pulled up her email and got started tidying up her inbox while waiting for him to join her.
The first few emails went quickly - there was a request to review a manuscript, a notification about an upcoming water outage in the biology building so that the facilities folks could repair a leaky line, and an agenda for the next meeting of the department's women in life sciences group. All easy.
But then, she hit Dr. Wiley's latest note.
Olive, it read:
Any further thoughts on your career plans since we talked? Nia and Bryce have both decided to apply for faculty jobs this year, and if you plan to do the same, I think it would be helpful for us to sit down as a group to talk through the process and answer any questions you might have.
Please let me know as soon as you can - faculty applications are a big undertaking, so the earlier we can get you all started, the better.
Anna
All of Olive's post-workout satisfaction evaporated, edged out by indecision and uncertainty. She felt an unpleasant twisting in her gut at the prospect of having to make such a momentous choice - especially one that she knew had the potential to require major changes not just in her life, but in Adam's as well.
She was still focused intently on her computer when Adam came in after finishing his workout. He walked over and dropped a kiss on the crown of her head, then pulled back and frowned, searching her face.
"You look tense - everything ok?"
Olive sighed. "I don't know. I just… you know how I told you that Dr. Wiley was encouraging me to apply for faculty jobs this year?"
Adam nodded.
"Well, she emailed again to ask if I've made up my mind. And I don't really feel like I can answer her, because I know I need to talk about it with you first - but every time I try to bring it up, I chicken out because I'm terrified of what it might mean."
Adam came around to the front of the couch and sat down, watching Olive intently.
"Why do you find the prospect of talking about it so terrifying?" he asked.
She shrugged. "I guess it feels like there's no right answer. If I decide to go for a faculty job, it will probably mean moving, and I'll be asking you to give up everything you've built at Stanford. But if I pass, I worry I'll regret the missed opportunity to build something of my own. It just feels like either way, one of us is going to end up unhappy. And that stresses me out."
"Ah." Adam reached out and took her hand, running his thumb over her palm in a gentle caress. "What do you think you would want to do if you were the only person you had to worry about? What would you do if I wasn't in the picture, and the only thing that mattered was you?"
Olive gave him an alarmed look, and he shook his head, a smile tugging at his lips.
"No, love, I'm not trying to break things off with you. I just want to know what it is that Olive wants."
Olive thought for a moment before answering. "I guess that if it were completely, totally up to me, I'd go for it. I feel like I'm right on the cusp of doing something important, something that will make a real difference for a lot of people, and having my own lab will give me the chance to see it through." She paused, then shook her head. "But it's an impossible question. I can't make the decision just for me. You're an integral part of my life - I can't just pretend you don't exist and that it doesn't matter how it impacts you."
"Olive, love. Look at me." Adam gave her hand a gentle tug, and waited until she raised her eyes to meet his before going on.
"I understand your concern. I do. But, Olive, my career is established. I don't need to stay at Stanford to be successful. You know I've had ongoing interest from other schools, and there's a good chance that I'll be able to move my lab to wherever you end up. And if not, I'm not opposed to jumping ship to industry, or consulting. I like what I do at Stanford, but I'm not married to it. I'm married to you."
Olive felt her eyes well up with tears. As they threatened to spill over, Adam reached up and brushed his thumb across her cheek.
"Olive," he said, gently, "relationships have to benefit both people. I've had my turn, and now it's yours. Whatever needs to happen for you to grow and thrive and continue to blossom into this amazing woman and researcher, we'll make it work." He paused, searching her gaze. "Do you understand?"
Olive nodded, not trusting herself to speak, and when Adam tugged her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her, she burrowed her face against his chest, breathing in the close comfort of her other half.
She stayed like that for a few minutes, and as the tension ebbed from her body, she felt Adam smile against her hair.
"So," he asked, pulling back just far enough to look her in the eye, "are you ready to reply to Dr. Wiley now?"
Olive took a deep breath. "Yeah," she said. "I think I am."