Chapter Text
this chapter’s song:
train wreck james arthur
To say Jungwon was in extricating pain was an understatement. To say he was okay was an overstatement. He had spent the whole summer doing absolutely nothing but grieving his father’s death— even though it has already been almost a year.
And there isn’t an expiration date for when you’re supposed to be okay with the fact that your dad is just gone. There isn’t an expiration date for when you should stop grieving and missing someone who doesn’t exist anymore. Jungwon wished there was.
There are less than a handful of things in this shitty world that made Jungwon genuinely happy: his mom (most times), his dog (all the time), his art, and rainy days. That was it.
He used to add his dad to the list but again, he's gone now. His dad wasn’t here to make him happy anymore.
Depressing, he knew. And— he wasn't always like this. He used to be someone with goals and aspirations. Someone who looked forward to his future and he almost always did everything with a smile on his face. He used to. He despised when people would ask if he was okay but did not really mean it. Despised when people would ask what happened to him— that he used to be such a wonderful, bright kid. Honestly, he didn’t know either.
"Are you excited for today?"
"I'm thrilled. Excited would be an understatement." Jungwon replied sarcastically, leaning back in his seat.
"Well, the negativity certainly won't help."
"Because school is so fun and exciting." He pushed back his half eaten bowl of cereal to the center of the table.
His mother huffed out a sigh, "Sweetie, you're a junior now. I just want you to have a fulfilling high school experience you can look back on." She turned around to put his bowl in the sink, “You know, when I was in high school—"
"Mom, I know. You were popular, smart, and had a perfect boyfriend who you ended up getting married to." Jungwon said, his mother pausing.
He sat up when he noticed the change in his mother's body language— knowing she disliked talking about her deceased husband.
"I just want you to have fun."
"I have fun on my own." Jungwon said, his mother nodding.
"I know you do. I'm just saying, maybe this year you could find some friends or even a nice girl—"
Jungwon looked away, eyes shutting for a moment, "I don't need friends and I certainly don't need a nice girl or— a girl at all."
He knew his mother was just trying to help and be positive for him. He knew that seeing him this way was probably intolerable for her. But— it's not like he could help it.
"Okay."
Jungwon fiddled with his thumb, picking at the hangnail on his pointer finger. A bad habit of his. He stopped when he could feel his finger pulsing.
He liked the feeling.
His mother gave him a soft smile and caressed his cheek with her thumb, "Well, I'm heading out for work. You should start heading out soon too—don't want you to be late on your first day back.”
Jungwon let out a sigh before saying, "Yeah.”
"Okay. Have a great day, sweetie. I love you."
"Thanks. Love you too."
Jungwon watched as his mother closed the door and puffed out his cheeks. He grabbed his backpack after lacing up his shoes and pulled his hood over the back of his head.
He locked the door behind him and carefully put his house key in the front zipper pocket of his backpack, making a mental note to his future self to not forget where he put it. He shoved his hands in the pocket of his hoodie and fiddled his thumbs together. He let out an exaggerated sigh.
He despised school.
Jungwon looked down at the sidewalk pavement while he walked, feeling a presence of another being near him. He pulled his hood down, walking at a slightly faster pace.
He felt the presence catching up to his pace and then a soft tap on the left side of his shoulder. He looked up before saying, "Are you following me?"
"Oh—no. No, I'm not." The boy replied with, mouth agape at the unexpected accusation.
"Okay."
The boy jogged ahead of Jungwon and stood in front of him, stopping him from walking any further, "Are you walking to school?"
He looked about his age— maybe even older. Wearing a collared white t-shirt with blue jeans that fit him just right. He had black hair— a few strands falling over the right side of his forehead.
"No."
"No?"
"And if I was?" Jungwon said, biting the inside of his cheek.
The boy leaned back onto his heels, playing with the lobe of his ear. He stepped a bit closer. “I just wanted to ask if you wanted to walk with me."
"We're basically already walking together.”
"Well— true. I mean, we can be walking to school buddies."
"Walking to school buddies?" Jungwon asked, looking the boy up and down. He noticed a football enamel pin on the front zipper pocket of his backpack. "And why would I want us to be that?"
"Because I'm your new neighbor and we could be great friends one day— you never know."
"You just met me. I could be a serial killer for all you know."
"You're not wrong,” The boy went on, “But you'd be my first friend."
Jungwon let out a cold scoff. "You hear yourself, right?"
The boy chuckled and nodded. "What year are you?"
"Junior."
"Okay, cool. I'm a senior."
"I don't think I asked."
"You're kind of an asshole." The boy said, earning a glance from Jungwon.
"Yeah, maybe."
"I like it."
Jungwon pursed his lips. "You like what?"
"That you're kind of an asshole."
Jungwon looked down and fiddled with his thumb, picking at a scab.
"So, what's your name?"
"Wouldn't do you any good if you knew."
The older walked a few steps past him, their shoulders brushing up against each other in the process. "Because you're a serial killer?"
Jungwon bit back a smile. "Sure."
"Well, I'm Park Jongseong—,” The boy went on, “But you can call me Jay."
"Yang Jungwon.”
"Okay, Yang Jungwon."
"Why did you move to this shitty town, anyway? Especially now, your senior year."
Jay gave him an affiliated smile, "Wouldn't you like to know."
"I don't. Not anymore." Jungwon replied, earning a slight chuckle from Jay.
"Well, I kind of had no choice."
Jungwon was getting curious.
"Anyway, it was nice to meet you, Jungwon. See you around?" Jungwon looked up at Jay. He didn't realize they arrived at school already.
"Yeah, sure."
Jay gave him a soft smile before heading his separate way.
Jungwon walked over to his locker and rolled his combination on the lock. He sighed as he shoved his text books into the small space. He closed his locker shut and made his way to his first class.
⊹
"Make sure to check your supply lists and bring in the materials to our next class." And with that, the bell rang, ending his last class for the day.
Jungwon shoved all the papers he received into a folder. He zipped up his backpack and walked out of the classroom. He looked around the halls, something he never did, just to see— and not that he was looking for anyone in particular.
"For the first day, they give you a shit ton to take home." He heard someone say behind him. It was Jay.
"Are we also walking home buddies?"
"I'd like to think so. I mean, unless you want me to just follow behind you while sniffing your hair."
Jungwon stuck his hands in his pocket. "You're something else."
"That might be true." Jay let out a breathy laugh, “How was your day?"
"Fine. Boring."
Jay let out a soft chuckle, "What was the highlight of your day?"
"You ask a lot of questions."
"I'm a curious guy, what can I say?"
Someone called Jay's name from behind them, causing both of their heads to turn. "Nice play today, Jay."
"Thanks, man." Jay replied, with a gentle smile and a fist bump.
Jungwon looked up, now looking at the side of Jay’s face. "I see you've made friends with the jocks."
Jay pursed his lips and nodded, "They are my teammates, after all."
"I despise jocks." Jungwon made sure to put emphasis when he said despise.
Jay attempted to lock eyes with him, "And why is that?"
"Where do I even start?" Jungwon said, rubbing the back of his nape.
"Tell me the first thing that comes to your mind."
"They smell." Jungwon said, half-joking but half-not.
Jay's mouth opened in disbelief. "And you don't after running around for hours in a heavy ass, suffocating helmet?"
"They think they're all that and treat everyone else like shit."
"I can be the exception."
Jungwon scoffed. "What makes you different from them?"
"Well, I smell but I don't think I'm all that and I don't treat everyone else like shit. At least, I hope I don't." Jay said, now walking backwards in front of Jungwon so he's still facing him.
"Okay."
"Okay?" Jay asked, confusion shown all over his face.
"I don't know you enough to say anything."
"Get to know me, then." The older said, attempting to lock eyes with Jungwon once more— this time succeeding.
"Funny."
"I think I already know a little about you."
Jungwon looked up, eyes widening. "What do you mean?"
"Well, you're the quiet kid who sits at the back of the class who thinks they're a nuisance to everyone around them so doesn't get involved with anything."
Jungwon swallowed at the sudden attack. "Wrong."
"Am I?" Jay said, instantly shutting his eyes out of regret. "I'm sorry."
"Don't be. You're a hundred percent correct. Congrats."
"I didn't mean to—" Jay hesitated. "I don't think that you are."
"That I’m what?"
"A nuisance."
Jungwon pursed his lips. "Thanks, I guess."
"Yeah. Well, this is me." Jay said, pointing at the blue house that was across from his own. "I'll see you tomorrow.”
"Yeah." Is what Jungwon replied with, watching as the older walked into the house, not looking back once.