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Coulson was everywhere. He didn’t seem to understand that she couldn’t bear to be seen, that she didn’t want him there. She told him over and over that he should leave her alone, but day after day he showed up in her cubicle with a box of take out. If she insinuated that she had work to do, he’d sit with her and grab some files for himself. If she locked herself in her home, he’d break in. If he went on a mission, he convinced Maria to fill in for him. She was much less verbose, choosing to sit in silence as they filled out paperwork together, but she still showed up every time. The company was constant.
“May?”
She didn’t bother to look up, knowing that it was Coulson on his dinnertime visit.
“I’ve got a bit of a favor to ask,” he said, not sitting down.
She snapped her head up. He had never once asked her for something since the incident, knowing that he was already toeing the line by being near her every day. Coulson was tense but projecting a calm demeanor, holding his normal take out container. Next to him stood a young girl, still in her teens, looking extremely anxious. It was like she thought May was going to murder her.
“This is Daisy,” Coulson began, ”I’m watching over her for a little bit. Is it okay if she eats dinner with us?”
His eyes begged her to say yes. Even after everything that had happened, May had never been able to deny him. She was tainted now, and she should’ve pushed him away. She didn’t deserve him and his gentle presence, but she was selfish, deeply selfish, and she couldn’t follow through on her request that he leave her alone. She wanted him with her. Always.
May inclined her head at him. “Clearance level?”
“One,” Coulson said apologetically.
She glared at him. The files on her desk were Level Five and up, and he knew that. She would have to eat without the buffer of doing paperwork. It was most definitely part of his plot.
She jerked her head at Daisy and raised an eyebrow in question. Babysitting wasn’t normally in his wheelhouse as a senior agent.
“She’s going to be training under me,” he explained.
May stared at him in shock. Coulson hadn’t taken on another agent since Clint. She looked Daisy up and down, trying to parse out his reasoning. There was nothing particularly special about her on an initial inspection, but Coulson had good instincts about people. He trusted a bit too easily, in May’s opinion, and didn’t judge them enough.
May would have to do that for him, see if this Daisy was good enough. If she wasn’t going to ruin Coulson, then May would protect her. Save her from danger. She couldn’t save the other child, but this one, this one would be safe.
She ate in silence while Coulson and Daisy talked to each other. Daisy seemed quite curious about Coulson’s old missions, asking him to recount the fun ones. As he did, May interjected with a series of looks when he was stretching the truth. Each time, he knew exactly what she meant and quickly corrected his version of the story. Daisy seemed befuddled by their interaction.
As they walked away after dinner, May caught her asking Coulson how exactly they knew each other. It was a good question. They didn’t exactly seem like the type to be friends. May didn’t know how it had happened, just that he was always there for her, as she would be for him.
—————————————-
May had hoped that that dinner had been a one time occurrence, but Daisy showed up the next evening, and the next, and the next. She was like Coulson, believing in the good in everyone, even in May.
After the fifth dinner, she went to Maria with concerns about being around Daisy. It was dangerous, she argued. Look at what happened the last time she was with a child, she said. Maria sat her down with an unreadable look on her face and reminded her about her time in the military. How she had been with her team, how they’d missed a bomb, how they died around her, and how she’d hated herself for living when they didn’t. The only survivor, Maria told her. You were the one who told me that I had to move on, Maria told her. That I had to let go, Maria told her. That the past was done, and only the future remained, Maria told her. That I could make the rest of my life count, but only if I wanted, if I tried, Maria told her.
“You are not dangerous unless you want to be,” Maria said. “I trust you with my life. I trust you with the lives of our agents. I trust that you know what the right thing is, and I trust that you will do it. I trust you with Daisy. Coulson trusts you with Daisy. It’s hard, Melinda, but you have to move on.”
Maria’s words echoed in her mind the next time Coulson brought Daisy for dinner. He had been bouncing ideas off them for a couple nights, thinking on who could take on Daisy for physical training.
“I will,” May said, surprising all three of them. She had vetoed the last seven people he’d brought up for various reasons. None of them were good enough for Daisy, for Coulson’s prodigy, who she was reluctantly beginning to care for.
“You will?” Daisy spluttered. “But, you work here. With paper stuff.”
“Are you sure?” Coulson asked. “Just for training? Do you want to get back out there? What’s going on, Melinda?”
“I talked to Maria,” May said mysteriously. “Just training. Then, we’ll see.”
He eyed her. It was a bit of an abrupt turn of pace, but Maria’s words had reminded her of what was important. Protecting. Protecting Coulson, protecting Daisy, and even protecting Maria. The best way to do that would be to make sure that Daisy was the finest fighter she could be.
“Okay,” he said, clearly suspicious but willing to let it go.
“She’s the best you’ll get.” he added to Daisy, then continued to talk about the new girl he had met out in Oregon, Audrey. She seemed nice. Untainted, even. She would be good for Coulson, someone to match his spirit, someone kind, someone gentle. May only knew violence.
—————————————-
They sorted out a schedule for Daisy, who worked hard to meet May’s demands. She came by after her first real mission, wanting to celebrate with May.
Daisy trusted her. It was frightening to think.
A couple months later, Daisy showed up at her apartment door, shaking. “They let me go, but I can’t, I can’t control it,” she burst out, sinking to her knees. “I didn’t tell them, I was afraid and I didn’t know where to go.” The floor trembled.
“What happened?” May said, alarmed. She pulled Daisy inside quickly.
“I can’t control it,” Daisy repeated, voice shaking. She dropped onto May’s couch, curling up and clenching her fists. “I can’t-”
The glass of water May had been drinking started to rattle. “Daisy,” she said, crouching down to make eye contact. “What's going on? Concentrate on the breathing I taught you. Steady yourself.”
“It’s me,” Daisy said, hyperventilating. The water glass shattered over the counter, pieces flying everywhere. “I can’t control it.”
“You can,” May said. “Listen to me. You can do this. Take a deep breath. I don’t know what’s going on, but you can do this.”
Talking Daisy down took twenty minutes and May could tell that her glasses were probably in pieces in her cupboards. She put Daisy to rest in her bed, and immediately called Coulson. He was the first person that she would want there with her. She trusted him, and so did Daisy.
“Hmm?” Coulson replied on the second ring, sounding sleepy. “Mel?”
“What happened on your last mission?” she demanded. “What happened to Daisy?”
“What?” Coulson said, a lot more alert. “She got caught in this room and there was an avalanche but medical cleared her. They said she was fine. What happened?”
“Come over. I-,” she hesitated. “I want-,” she paused again. “Daisy’s here, and I think she’s going to need you.” she decided on saying.
“On my way,” he replied.
—————————————-
Daisy ate with her friends more often than not, and Coulson begged off to call Audrey each night, so May was on her own more for dinner now. The time difference made it that dinner was the only time he could talk to Audrey for longer than a minute, and he seemed so happy with her that May let him go without a word. She took to going to Maria’s office, reversing their roles from before as Maria was waist deep in paperwork. Natasha and Clint joined them more and more, bringing their own paperwork. They swapped news, told tales of missions, and plotted the occasional prank.
Coulson was still there, trying to be around her, but they saw less of each other outside of work. He was getting serious with Audrey, it seemed, and she was his priority.
Five months after Natasha had joined them, Maria and Natasha confronted her.
“You’re in love with him,” Maria told her.
“He’s with Audrey,” she replied, not even bothering to refute the accusation. They were all master spies, after all. “Whatever we had before, he’s put it aside. Maybe we could’ve had a life together, but the cards didn’t fall that way. It happens. I’m dealing with it.”
“That can’t be good for you,” Natasha said pointedly.
May shrugged. It wasn’t like she was going to tell him. He was happy with Audrey, and she cared for him. She would put his happiness over hers every time. She regretted that they hadn’t had the chance to try, that she never would, but he was her best friend. He had never given up on her, spent a whole year talking to her with no reply, and she wasn’t going to throw her feelings at him now.
“Mel,” Maria said, but she couldn’t think of anything to add. They had been prepared to lay out why they thought she was in love: how she smiled when she heard his name, how she let him bother her to an unheard of level, how she looked at him sometimes like she couldn’t contain herself. They were not prepared for this.
“How’s the paperwork?” May gestured at the pile on Maria’s desk, trying to change the subject. “Or, if you want to talk about love, how are you two doing?”
They froze. “What?” Natasha said lightly, as if she had misheard her.
“Your relationship,” May clarified. She shot them a glance. They were standing right next to each other, hips just touching, like they had some gravitational pull between them, as they had been for the last several weeks. “I have eyes too, you know.”
Maria let out a little laugh. She relaxed into Natasha’s space more. “We’re good,” she said, a smile coming to her face.
They didn’t speak on the subject further, but May could feel their eyes on her whenever Phil was brought up. It was fine. The pain of seeing him find joy in another was worth it, because he was finding joy. She couldn’t try to jump in between them now. The chance had passed.
—————————————-
It was near midnight when Maria called her, a year later. Her voice was filled with joy, and May could see her face in her mind, smiling as wide as she could.
“Nat proposed!” she said effusively.
May smiled to herself. It had been a long time coming, and Maria deserved this.
“About time,” she said. “Congratulations, Maria. I’m happy for you, truly. You couldn’t have found a better partner for yourself.”
“Will you walk me down the aisle?” Maria said, as if she hadn’t heard May’s reply.
May paused. “What?”
“Will you walk me down the aisle?” Maria repeated. “You know that my parents-,” she cut herself off. “You were there for me when I had no one, coming out of the army. You’re the closest thing I have to a-” she paused again, trying to get the point across. “Walk me down the damn aisle, Melinda.”
“It would be an honor,” May said. She had helped Natasha plan out her proposal, but this had not been on the table. It was a pleasant surprise, and helped distract her from the pang that lingered about Phil. She hadn’t seen him in a bit as he was off visiting Audrey, for something important, she recalled. He would be holding her tight in bed no doubt, whispering in her ear about his love for her.
“May,” Maria cut in, her mind somehow following May’s train of thought. “Are you going to be okay about Coulson? It’s a lot to hold onto all the time, and you aren’t moving on.”
“Maria, there’s nothing to be done. I think about him every day, yes, because he texts me all the time. Like I said before, if he’s happy with her, then I will be happy for him. I refuse to let this come between us. I can’t let go of him, and I’m willing to carry the pain for the rest of my life. He’s worth it.”
Maria sighed over the phone. “Okay,” she said in acceptance. “So, want to go shopping with me?”
“Absolutely not,” May replied, and that was that.
—————————————-
Phil was still a mystery to her sometimes despite having known him for such a long time. He’d come back from Portland a month ago with a strange mood, both somber and excited. He seemed to be in an argument with Audrey, not talking to her at all, and was spending all his time with May instead, not that she was complaining about his company. He was acting differently as well, almost more free with her, more affectionate.
He had nervously asked for them to have a traditional dinner with Daisy that evening. May was on her toes, looking out for pranks as she entered her own apartment after work, but there was nothing. She frowned. His behavior was setting her on edge.
The three of them joked around like they normally did, eating their takeout on the floor in front of the couch, but Phil got more and more nervous as the night went on. It was like he had a secret that he wanted to share. Maybe, she thought with pain, he had proposed to Audrey.
“Everything okay, Phil?” she prompted him, in case he had been trying to create a moment to spill the news.
“Hmm?” he said around a mouthful of noodles. “All good here!”
Daisy snickered.
May twisted to look at her. “And you?” she questioned. Daisy hadn’t been quite as weird as Phil but she had been acting a little strange lately as well.
Daisy shook her head, shoving food into her mouth to avoid answering.
After she had devoured her food, Daisy left early, whispering something to Phil on her way out before winking at May.
“What is going on, Phil?” May said with more force behind it. “Why are you acting so strange?”
“Melinda,” he started, turning to face her. “We’ve been friends for a long time.”
That was an odd sentence to start any sort of conversation with. She nodded at him to continue, hoping to gain some clarity.
“And I’ve been with Audrey for a while. But, the whole time I was with her, I felt incomplete.”
May raised an eyebrow.
“I would be in Portland, watching her play, and I’d think, Mel plays piano doesn’t she? She’d make a joke and I’d think, I should tell that one to Mel. I’d go there and come right back because I wanted to see you. I can’t get you off my mind.”
He paused. May silently sucked in a breath, not willing to hope for what he was saying.
“I broke up with Audrey last month. Or, she broke up with me. I’m not sure. It was kind of mutual,” he said sheepishly. “She called me out and told me that I wasn’t invested enough in our relationship, so I thought about it and realized she was right. You’re more important. When I go to sleep, when I work, anything I do, anywhere I go, I think about you.”
He reached out and grabbed her hand.
“So I told her it was over. And now I’m here, with you, and Mel, what I’m trying to say is that you’re all I think about, and everywhere I look, and-“
“I love you,” May told him. He shut up instantly, gaping at her.
“What?”
“Thought that would shut you up,” she said. “You were going in circles.”
He pouted at her. It was absolutely adorable.
“Sorry,” she said instinctively. “Continue.”
“What I was trying to say,” he said, straightening up and fixing her with a playful glare, “was that I’m in love with you . And, that I want to spend the rest of my life eating take out on the floor with you, and that I want to watch you wake up in the morning in a non-creepy way, and that I really want to kiss you, if that’s okay.”
She placed a hand up to his cheek, pulling him in, and he stepped into her space, hands around her waist. The kiss felt like coming home; it was everything she had been wanting for a long time, years in the making. She smiled into it, into him.
“I love you,” May repeated. It was worth saying again, breaking her years of silence, of holding it close to her chest.
“How thrilled is Daisy going to be that Mom and Dad are together?” she followed up, after a second of contemplation.
“Oh, off the charts,” Phil said with a grin. He rested his forehead against hers, unwilling to let go of her. “She kept telling me that we would be so good together. I partially confessed just to get her off my case. We have to be disgustingly affectionate in front of her. It’ll be so funny.”