Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Your schools were switched at the start of freshman year because you decided to ask out a girl you thought was into you and she told everyone. Your parents are incredibly strict and religious. With the town in an uproar over you, they decided to pool their money with other family members to send you away to Bullworth Academy, hoping it would 'take care of your problem.’

You've always been a good kid with good grades and anxiety to please. This traumatic event quickly changed your beliefs. As soon as you arrived at Bullworth, you were determined to become a problem. Your anger only solidified as the secretary lady carted you away, flagrantly distasteful of the fact that you were a 'lesbian.' She warned all your teachers to look out for and curb any unwanted gazes or touches of yours to other female students. The student body, of course, caught wind of her loud talking and you were already titled 'The Lesbo.' No one talked to you except for boys that would mock you. Every girl steered clear of you with pinched faces. This was your life now.

You hated everything. You hated the school. You hated the students. You hated the teachers. You were spiteful and ready to lash out any way possible. Your first week at school was spent alone, but you got insight through the conversations of others. You overheard the name Gary, a prick no one messed with unless they were desperate to get something. Apparently, he made a big commotion the first week of school when he was brought in with a screaming parent. The reformation they expected from him in this school was palpable, and kids feared what he did before coming here that made his mother that hysterical. When a brave soul tried asking him about it, Gary didn’t budge. Everyone could feel he was a ticking bomb. You’ve seen him, always alone unless he was doing something shady with someone else. You decided to start there.

~

Gary was in three of your classes, but you could never catch him in-class. You stalked him outside one day and called out to him. He was surprised to see you, amused.

'Woah, is the new Lesbo making a move on me? Sorry, but I don't think I qualify for your taste.'

'Shut up. I'm just looking for pants.' You look down at your bare legs, frustrated. 'They won't sell them to me.'

Gary laughed, his eyebrows raised. 'What, you wanna be a boy now too?'

You shook your head. Then you shrugged. 'I don't know. I'm sick of it. If everyone's gonna be avoiding me or staring, I might as well dress the way I want to. And I want pants. It's getting fucking cold.'

Gary shrugged as well, not really caring but enjoying being an aid to chaos. 'All right, don't need your life story now... I'll see what I can do. It'll cost you though. I'll probably end up taking a pair from some shrimp your size.'

'Deal. Whatever it takes.'

'Heh.'

~

Gary was able to swindle a kid out of an extra pair. They were still a bit big for you, but you tied them with a belt and rolled up the bottom of the legs. You thanked Gary and that was that; business concluded with you 10 bucks poorer. You couldn't have snacks for a month.

The school was in a bit of an uproar when you walked in the next morning. Your science teacher sent you to the principal's office, and the same lady from the first day gave you a stern talking to about modifying your behavior. You came to this school to learn how to be a proper lady after all. You gave her a few choice words. Demanded her to take off your pants herself if it bothered her so much. She sent you away, flustered and enraged, with a week of detention for your 'off-putting behavior.' You still wore the pants and insisted to anyone that wanted you to change that they'd need to yank them from your body. So far, no one's dared.

You stumbled into Gary one day as you tried fleeing from a teacher you knew had a lecture ready for you. You looked at each other as the teacher called for you to come back, their footsteps nearing. It only took him a second to register what was happening before he pushed you behind him and turned the corner, immediately flipping a switch and chatting up the teacher, asking about a topic not covered in class. You took your chance and ran… but curiosity made you linger outside. Gary eventually went out the front doors, you called him over.

In the corner of the school building, you  stood with your arms crossed and asked him why he helped.

Gary scoffed. ‘Well I wasn’t doing it out of the kindness of my heart, if that’s what you’re asking. You owe me.’

‘… I don’t have anymore money.’

‘A favor then.’

Your eyes narrowed, his smile never faltered. This felt like you were tiptoeing through a slippery slope.

‘What do you want?’

‘Nothing… yet. But I’m sure I’ll need your help in the future.’

Something about this… made you feel like he was planning something. So you ask him.

‘What are you going to do?’

‘Nothing extreme, I assure you. Maybe just a few pranks here and there. To liven things up.’ Gary wasn’t budging on giving any details. You bit your lip.

‘What about getting in trouble? You’ve been doing good in-‘

‘Hey.’ Gary’s eyes finally showed a different emotion. Caution. ‘I never said I’d get caught. And I assure you, no one will know you helped me. Besides…’

Gary looked meaner as he crouched a little closer to you and crossed his arms. You took a step back.

‘You’re one to talk. You’re on thin ice with the pink bitch, aren’t you? I bet she’s looking for any little complaint from one of the prefects to land you on clean up duty.’ He laughed at your expression, your frown evident, and turned away. ‘Focus on yourself, Lesbo. You have enough on your plate.’

You didn’t like how the conversation ended but. He was right.

~

A month in, the secretary hasn't let up, but is now more or less also counting on the bullying you're receiving. Guys and girls calling you slurs, boys push you around and girls can't stand being in the same room as you. Still, you continue, your anger growing with every word and action done against you. It culminates one day when a guy grabbed your shoulder, not wanting to let you walk away from his insults, and you DECKED him in his fucking face. You see RED. You're on him, punching over and over again, his buddies laughing, girls screeching, a prefect finally came and carted you off. More 'unladylike' violence. This is what happens with girls who refuse to be girls. You're given school chores that are overlooked by a teacher. Clean up, just like Gary said. You can't stand it anymore.

~

You stalk Gary again, the elusive bastard. You'd just finished moping the gym floor and a trip had soaked you completely. Still, you beelined to him as he was heading into town and yank his arm to make him follow you. He immediately pushed you off, but a few seconds of recognition later, he follows you anyways.

'God, what's your problem?? Is the lesbian thing a cover up?'

'Shut up shut up SHUT UP about that, I just want in. Tell me about the pranks!'

Gary blinked and lowered his gaze, now serious. 'What do you mean?'

You groan into your hands. 'I don't know, man! I hate the school and everyone in it! And you- it’s not like you give a fuck about anyone here anyways right? You’re bored? Let’s do it! Let’s fucking destroy shit! I don't care. I'm just so fucking done. I want to destroy everything. I want to get payback, I want people to shut up, I want anything, please-'

'Okay okay geez calm down! I'm getting the picture! You're desperate and angry and you want to lash out. Who hasn't felt like doing that?'

‘Yeah! So let’s start shit-‘

‘Woah, hey, we’re in the open, shh.’

Gary grabbed your shoulders and moved you more to the side, now you were both in shadows. You did as he asked and stayed quiet.

‘Alright. So you’re telling me you want to help me in whatever I’m doing?’

You nodded. Gary shook his head, grin growing.

‘You don’t even know what I’m planning.’

‘It doesn’t matter. I don’t like anyone here. I hate everything. I literally have nothing else to do!’

‘What about getting in trouble?’

You made a sound from the back of your throat. ‘You said we wouldn’t get caught. Even then- I guess it’s ok. I’m already a ‘problem’ anyways. Just… don’t make it a habit.’

Gary snickered at your answer.

‘Damn, you really hate this place, huh?’

‘Of course. I want to watch it burn.’

‘You are little fucking psycho.’

You felt your head tilt at the new name-calling. You scoffed.

‘I get the feeling I’m not the only one.’

Gary paused his laughter and looked you over. Really took you in this time. He touched his hair and sighed.

‘Alright… welcome to the team. We need some rules-’

~

Working with Gary is… rough at first. It’s you freshman year and reputation is everything. Gary isn’t keen on being seen with you. That’s how rumors start.

So he just tells you to meet with him somewhere different every time.

To your surprise, he’s actually had quite a few problems in his schoolyear. He’d gone poking around in the messes of upperclassmen jocks, and some had figured out. Now he had older kids looking to put him in his place, and fellow freshman eager to get in their good graces.

That’s when Gary showed you his expertise with underhanded methods of dealing with things. Your year was spent stalking the freshman as he looked over the upperclassmen’s. Once you got their routine down, you both started implementing his plan. Making the freshman become the new targets of these upperclassmen through a series of ‘unfortunate accidents’ and loads of framing.

Now what Gary had done didn’t seem worth it; the dicks had new targets to vent out their frustrations, teammates at that, and the underclassmen that were so eager to fit in before now lashed back.

You watched from afar as the boys would knock each other off, unable to work as a team anymore even during practices. Your dress code violations, while not forgotten, had taken the backseat to this new school conflict. This was great.

You liked causing mayhem. Your enthusiasm didn’t go unnoticed by Gary. While you had started with some skepticism, he saw your shift as you began seeing results. You respected him now. He liked that in a minion.

Your brainstorming sessions became less formal. Gary wasn’t keen on listening to your input much, but he allowed some suggestions. On the rare occasion, conversation would detract and you would both linger in whatever desolate spot Gary found for the day. They were largely unimportant conversation topics; Gary giving history lessons he found about the property, gossip, preferences, and the occasional talks about teachers and homework that burst the bubble of heists and danger and brought you back to the reality that you are both kids. Students, at the end of the day. Chit chats were nice, despite everything. You were both feeling more comfortable around the other. But you were still acquaintances at best…

For the end of your first year, Gary had to plan something big. Some of the upperclassmen would be graduating, and he wanted this to be memorable.

Luckily for him, their last match of the season would occur right at their humble abode.

The stage was set. The football team had all come to an agreement to put aside their differences for this game; the atmosphere was tense but victory was something both sides wanted. Unfortunately, things just kept going wrong.

From stolen jerseys and pictures of girlfriends slipping from the wrong locker, everything started terribly as there was already a scuffle in the lockers. Mr. Burton came in to kick the boys out, effectively silencing them and getting them to think about the game again.  But then came the cooler at halftime. A freshman had been in charge of it, but as the upperclassmen came to find, the drinks tasted foul. As they rounded up on the freshman, accusing him of messing with the team, his friends stepped up to defend him. They had seen him prepare the drinks, nothing shifty ever happened. However, it was an upperclassman that was in charge of bringing it onto the field, he was the last one with the cooler.

This was it.

Mayhem ensued as punches were thrown, shouting erupted, and Mr. Burton was clocked by an elbow as he tried separating two boys. The game was ruined with multiple injuries, the school’s reputation could not have been lower.

~

You and Gary rejoiced from your perch overlooking the field.

You could not stop gawking at the scene, bewildered by the chaos you could inflict on others. On the power… Gary had allowed you to participate in. Your eyes flickered to see the boy smirking beside you, unfiltered in its cruelty. This kid was a genius. You had partnered with the right person. You felt… lucky.

Once the game was officially cancelled and everyone started moving out, Gary got up and dusted himself off.

‘And that, ladies and gentlemen, is how you’re supposed to play football. No more of that stupid bullshit calling camaraderie manly just for throwing a weirdly shaped ball! Where’s the fun in that? It should be played just like this; with no sides! Everyone battering the other, fists swinging, blood spraying! That’s how you fill seats...’

You had gotten used to his theatrics, but his mannerisms as he spoke got a laugh out of you. You felt so elated, you decided to join in.

‘Yeah! Huddling together? Tackling other guys to the floor? That’s gay-ass shit behavior. We did them a favor by returning them to their roots; pure macho aggression!’

Your input got an eyebrow raise from the boy, his smile widening. ‘Wow, Lesbo, are you against your fellow gays? What’s this I’m hearing about, was all this an elaborate play to stop others from coming out too? Now these poor blossoming youths will have to leave with broken hearts and shattered identities!’

The way Gary spun your words, it was clear he was trying to get a rise out of you. Despite being on the same side, despite having worked all schoolyear together, he was still such a dick. Whatever. You didn’t let that keep you from your good mood, you’d play along.

‘Better I crush their hopes now than to have them out and hated by everyone for the rest of their lives. Believe me, this was more mercy than they deserve.’

Gary snorted. ‘Speaking from experience, are we?’ He fully faced you, like a jackal cornering a chicken. There was no escape as he dug into you.

‘Do you regret letting your secret out?’

This had been such a good night. And now Gary, being Gary, was not letting go of another opportunity to break someone. This was personal shit. Stuff that Gary could use later on to pick on you as you know he does to others. But you couldn’t back down. You knew Gary. Weakness wasn’t an option. Your eyes never left his as you cross your arms and shrug.

‘Not really. Not anymore, at least. What happened, happened, and now I’m here. I’m different. I feel more free…’ You recalled the more bookish, shy and quiet version of you from before. Always nervous, overly reliant, daydreaming fantasies you thought you could get away with. Like you had said, bubbles burst sooner or later. You could only count your blessings that you were no longer shy, weak and unhappy. You were here, plotting revenges and actually causing shit to go down. You grinned, catching Gary by surprise as laughter erupted from your mouth.

‘Look, I’m not going to give you any sad speech about how much my life sucks or whatever memories you think you’re provoking in me. I’m not living like that anymore. I’m someone new. Your minion.’

You smirked as you put out your hand. Gary stared at it a bit before also smiling and accepting your handshake.

‘My minion? Not ‘accomplice?’ ‘Partner?’ Come on, you’re selling yourself short, aren’t you?’

You shook your head and let go of his hand. ‘We both know you’re the powerhouse here. I would have never accomplished something as big as this. You’re scary, Gary.’

You’re still smiling.

‘I’m never messing with you. In fact, thanks for letting me in on your side.’

Such bold words did something for Gary really liked to his ego. After all jagged interactions with kids his age that always left him feeling like a cog in the wrong place… this was a breath of fresh air.

Alright.

You had passed a test Gary didn’t even realize he had.

As if a spell had been lifted, Gary was back to being his deceptively chummy self. He moved to pat you on the back.

‘Look at you! Learning how to kiss my ass. Can’t say I don’t like it, though. Please, keep telling me how intelligent I am.’

‘Is that an order, boss?’

That got a laugh out of him.

~

Second year. Gary has already built up plenty of notoriety. Kids weren’t just cautious of him, some outright feared him, and the few that still had anything to say about him… he had plans.

So, he thought it was about time your meetings became a little more public. You were surprised to hear this as you both met up for the first day. You asked again, just in case. He didn’t mind…? What about the rumors?

Gary shook his head.

‘Whatever they imagine is going on is going to be proven wrong anyways when nothing happens. And if anyone gets any ideas that I’m turning queer, I’ll fucking kick their balls. That’s the only way to get them to shut up about it fast.’ You weren’t so sure they’d be that lenient, but Gary continued without asking for your input as always. ‘Besides, I’m sick of eating lunch alone. That’s prime time to be talking about whatever new plans I come up with. It was annoying having to wait till the end of the day to talk about them.’

You sigh and nod. Whatever he decided; he was the boss. At least this would affect you the least…

~

Kids left the school, others came in. Petey is one of them. No one really paid him much mind; he was immediately regarded as a geek, but when all his shirts turned pink one day, eyes started turning on him.

The laughter that erupted from Gary as he saw the boy miserably shuffle to class, his doom evident in his eyes made you snicker a bit too. You knew the little man would be toast; he was a brightly painted target for the bullies now. That’s just the way this school works… you tried convincing yourself of it but. Something in how vulnerable he looked and his squeals as he ran from the first throwdown that came his way made you want to help him.

You sneaked him out of the bully’s sight. Petey was grateful… and a bit too flustered after being saved by you. At a girl getting so close to him. You assumed he hadn’t heard about you yet. You would normally correct whatever he thought was going on… but his blushing was endearing. You left him with a warning about the bully’s schedule and went to meet with Gary again. You thought that would be the last time you did anything for him, but to your surprise, the next day, he was forced to be by Gary’s side with an arm strewn over his shoulders and a newly permanent scowl of discomfort on his face.

It looks like Gary also took a liking to him, and he told you he’d be joining the team.

~

Not only has Gary helped you accrue new pants as you’ve come to need them, but he’s expanded your wardrobe with bigger, less fitted shirts, and a pair of boots he found perfect for your escapades. Though you didn’t have much, you were liking your clothing more and more, but something was missing. You decided to up the secretary’s blood pressure once again by cutting your hair. It was too fucking hot, anyways.

The hairdresser you went to… refused to do what you asked. You paid for what was essentially just a girly bob. You wanted something more drastic. Gary was all too eager to help. With scissors and an electric shaver, he ‘borrowed’ from a shop, he was ready to make you his magnum opus. You were nervous.

But, like always… your skepticism was for nothing. He had a surprisingly keen eye. His focus and skill impressed you. He was taking this seriously. When he was done and handed you a hand mirror, you had to ask. Had he done this before?

Gary shrugged and started packing away the shaver.

‘I like paying attention to how the barber cuts my hair. I just picked up on it.’

What the hell was up with his mind? He was always finding new ways to surprise you.

The school had a fit as always, though it wasn’t as big as last year. The secretary had another talk with you, this time even the principal got involved. You got new chores. It was unfair but expected.

~                                                                                              

By this point, Petey already knew about what you are. You were surprised by how little things changed with him. He was still a nervous wreck talking to you at first; you guessed talking to a girl was just that big a deal to him. But he mellowed out as the year went on.

When you got your haircut, he stared. He asked you questions about why you’d want to change it. It was clear he was trying not to sound mean, but you still felt guarded by his reaction... Until he calmed down and gave you a genuine compliment.

‘… I think it fits you. You look really cool…’

That was the first time you’d ever been called that. Your heart skipped a beat and he tried talking about something else. Your lab project. Your mind wasn’t on science anymore.

~

Without a goal like last year, Gary had somewhat chilled and been doing smaller jobs messing with individuals rather than turning mobs against the other. You didn’t mind the change of pace; last year had been fun but exhausting balancing schoolwork with stalking and scheming. Now you both had more time to seemingly… just hang.

Gary called it regrouping, but there was nothing productive about spending an hour afterschool debating each other’s taste in films. You never pointed it out, despite the group getting friendlier, you knew Gary would not stand for any insinuation of the three becoming friends. Still, there were mishaps.

Like a day when Petey had received a care package from his parents. He excitedly talked about it at lunch, it was sickeningly clear how much he loved his parents. Gary couldn’t help sneer at it.

‘I’m glad you’re so easy to forgive, Petey. All it takes are a few pieces of cardboard and a new shiny toy for you to be okay with your parents sending you to hell.’

This made Petey pause finally, smile dropping. He had yet to learn how to tiptoe around Gary, Petey came out guns blazing as he retorted.

‘What about you? You’re in hell too. At least my parents care enough to send me stuff.’

That really ruffled Gary’s feathers. He acted as if Petey had shot him in the heart , placing his hands over his chest.

‘Oh, you wound me, Petey! You’re right! I’m soooo jealous! I wish my mom still wiped my ass for me and sent me my baby bottle for lunch like yours.’

‘Yeah, sure. I’m gonna go. Meet you at class, Y/N.’

Petey got up and left the two of you behind with half of lunch still on the timer. Even without his presence, Gary felt the need to go on mocking Petey, talking down the stupid care package and his relationship with his parents. To you, this was really beginning to feel like insight into Gary’s own life.

It’s true that neither of you have ever gotten packaged from your parents, just the occasional money and notes to do well in school. … yeah, maybe you were a little personally jealous whenever Petey went on to talk about his stabler home life with receptive parents. As Gary made a last point about how stupid it is to send your beloved child to a school as poor as this one just because it was close, you voiced your agreement. It WAS odd. Despite the cheery façade the faculty would feed parents, it was pretty clear how awful things were here.

That HAD to spell some level of neglect and naivety from Pete’s parents.

Gary enthusiastically jumped from your input.

‘Right? Maybe they secretly hate their kid.’

You propped your head on your hand, looking away as you gave your painfully honest opinion.’

‘Maybe they secretly saw something wrong with Petey and they bought into the promise that this school would fix it.’

Gary laughed. ‘Holy shit. And they’re lying to poor little naïve Petey.’ He leaned over and bumped his shoulder with yours, his mood back in the up since the conflict began.

‘I’m glad I have someone else that can see past the bullshit. Now we really have to be the bigger man and continue protecting his little bit of dignity. Let him believe he’s not like us.’

‘Fucked in the head?’

‘Your eloquence puts me to shame.’

Shit talking with Gary as opposed to when Petey was around … if you didn’t know any better, you’d think he liked talking to you more.

~

The next morning, Petey’s toy had been broken. Petey didn’t come to sit with them at lunch. You knew this would happen. You could have predicted it a mile away… maybe even have prevented it if you had stepped in. But, like you had told Gary the year before.

Why would you? You liked Petey… but Gary is scary.

~

You get to visit Gary’s room for the first time. Gary nonchalantly offered to bring you inside as he looked for something instead of having you wait for him at the dorm stairs. Not one to pass up the chance of seeing what it was like inside, you agreed.

Unlike the girl’s dorm, there was no one guarding the entrance. You were able to just walk in behind Gary with little attention from a group of nerds in the common room discussing the latest comic. You slipped inside his room without a problem.

To your surprise, it’s not as neat as you thought it’d be. Gary always gave the image of being notoriously orderly with himself, but the ground had bits of strewn laundry, and his bed was unmade. He told you to stand at the side as he dug around for something he had to give a ‘customer.’

You moved to the side, bumping into and noticing the medication on his table. You can’t stop yourself from picking it up as he tried ranting about some freshman that was giving him trouble. When he noticed you, he stopped. After some initial defensiveness on his part… he tries being casual as he explains about what its for. What he keeps hidden. He talks about it like he’s trying to beat you to the punch by insulting himself for not working ‘properly’. But none of that came to mind for you. You just shrugged at him and put the bottle down.

Whatever he needed from a doctor wasn’t your place to judge.

You throw him a bone by stroking his ego again and reminding him what you told him before; he’s possibly the smartest person you’ve ever met. A mastermind. Gary’s smile widens, praise accepted, heckles lowered. BPD or not, you’re right. You got out of his room unscathed, and have gone back a few times.

~

- You really begin noticing how little impact your presence now has in class and around others after a gym class with girls no longer shying away from you in the changing room. Everyone had settled into their own routines, no one was on the lookout for you to slip up. It felt… good. But you didn’t think this was something to celebrate. This is how things should’ve been from the start. You’re not a pervert.

Your negativity brought you back from the speck of relief you cultivated, and you slammed your locker, making a few girls jump. You got out fast and went to go to your dorm, with no big plans for the day, you thought you could just spend it doing homework and reading a book that caught your eye.

Gary wasn’t so keen to let you go. He had been chatting up a jock, one of the underclassmen that had previously picked on Gary for seniors. Gary would never fail to impress you with how resourceful he kept being. You planned on walking by them fast, but whatever business he had been making stopped when he saw you. Before you knew it, his arm was over your shoulders. That’s new.

‘Hey, where are you going off in a rush to? My friend here was just telling me about this horrible problem he has with his parents, and I think you can help.’ He steered you back to the jock he was talking to and begins explaining his dilemma.

He has very catholic parents and Gary has been essentially trying to butter him up by relating to his troubles.  This was the first time Gary tried using you to get someone to talk. You felt a bit of pressure as you tried giving your input and relating it to your own religious parents. You were cut off by the boy.

‘No, see, but this is different. I’m not a sinner like you.’

‘Because I like girls?’

‘Well yeah. And you want to be a guy. You’re just all sorts of messed up.’

You glared at the jock, deciding you were done. What more could you say? You turned to Gary, who looked between you and him and shrugged.

‘It’s his beliefs. We should respect them, Y/N. You choose what you choose.’

Your eye twitched. You knew he was still trying to stay on the jock’s good side, but you will stay cross with him for this…

If the jock hadn’t just dug himself into a pit.

‘And you? Aren’t you a fag?’

Your jaw almost dropped at how casually the boy had asked. Gary’s eyes widened too; he was slow as he turned to really face him.

‘What?’

The jock knew by his tone that he hit something. He grinned like an idiot as he kept going. ‘You have all these weird mannerisms, and your only friends are a lesbian and a girly dweeb. Just come out and say it. You’re queer too, right?’

There was no quick response from Gary. Only a long, hard, deadly look followed by the short declaration.

‘I’m not gay.’

‘Look man, I’m just saying. Whatever you got going on is weird, and everyone notices-‘

There was a swift kick from Gary, just as he had promised. The jock was on his knees. You stepped away, knowing better than to stand between Gary’s fury. He knelt down and grabbed the boy’s scalp harshly, his smile strained but maniacal as he gazed at his victim.

‘You really have to learn to stop believing in rumors and joining in all the gossip. Isn’t that one of the commandments? Shame on you!’ Gary chuckled at the boy’s glare.

‘I wanted to do this the nice way, but you just had to run your mouth. So, this is what’s going to happen. You’re going to give me the key to the storage closet where you all put your little balls and nets and whatever other kinky shit you keep secret. You’re going to tell your coach that you lost it. And you’re going to do it because I have photos, dear old Papi’s address, and a rumor I heard that you have a childhood sweetheart back home that your family adores. You don’t want me breaking her heart now, do you?’

The boy stilled suddenly, understanding the implications. This was blackmail.

He nodded along to Gary, agreeing to the demand. If he hadn’t been a dick, you could have sympathized. Once families like that get attached to a possibility of your future, they see it as a betrayal to go against their vision.

You sighed as Gary let go of him and waved you over to walk with him. No more arm over your shoulder.

~

Gary’s medication may help him with his moods but there are still days when things are too overwhelming for him. After multiple tiny annoyances through out his day, Gary exploded at a client and broke the jar of contraband he had gotten for them.  As the client was left speechless, he turned away from the deal, stalking out of the shadows and back to the dorm. You followed behind.

‘STOP it. Leave me alone.’

‘Alright. But-‘

He turned around, livid.

‘SHUT UP! LEAVE ME ALONE, god, can you survive not breathing down my fucking neck for ONE DAY! Always this or that with you! Getting you stupid shitty clothes because you wanna be a rebel and not wear your nice new shit. You’re so goddamn-‘

‘…..’

At your expression, Gary paused for a second, but decided to continue.

‘You make things impossible for yourself. And why? I think you just like it! A glutton to the pain! Really wanting to be a special little snowflake just so you can hold it against anyone, wear it like a badge! Look how special and different I am! It makes me better than you! Isn’t that right?’

The urge to punch him was there. He’s always been an ass. But you couldn’t. You wouldn’t take his bait. You refused to. He was useful for you, he gave you ways to vent your frustrations with the student body and faculty. You took a step back.

‘Look man, I was just going to ask you if you wanted me to look into the rumor with Donna. I know you were going to keep close tabs on it with your usual contacts, but… I can listen in on some conversations in the locker room. Maybe… try asking someone. I can give you the information on Thursday.’

At your deflection and lack of a reply to his verbal stabs, Gary calmed down a bit. He took in a breath, rubbing a hand over his face as he composed himself. He nodded.

‘Alright. You better give me a concrete answer, though. Don’t leave me hanging.’

You took another step back, nodding along as well. ‘I won’t. See you on Thursday.’

You watched Gary turn back to walk to the dorms. His shoulders were less tense now. You hoped you did the right thing.

~

Come Thursday, you had all the answers and more. It had been hard; the locker rooms hadn’t given you anything useful, so you had to zero in on one of Donna’s senior friends. Find an opening with her. Mimicking stuff Gary would do, you found it in the form of… finding her doing something compromising her image. Blackmail, this you were familiar with! Clunkily, you navigated threatening the senior into spilling the truth. You got a lot more than you expected, Donna’s friend was quite the motormouth.

You recounted the story at lunch, your description of her getting a laugh out of Gary. It’d been a while since he smiled; coming back to this after his break got him back to feeling great. Maybe even a little grateful.

He gave you a pat in the back just like the one at the end of your first year, praise spilling from his lips.

‘You really learned from the best, huh? I knew you had it in you. But don’t go using that to assault other girls now! There’s only room for one creep on campus… Mr. Burton will fight you for that position.’

Same dickish Gary was back.

~

You’re beginning to question your sexuality. You notice… a lot of things about Petey. His size, his lashes, how friendly he is with you. It’s been making your cheeks feel warm and you’re not sure if you’re going crazy or if this is a legitimate crush. You knew you liked girls. You always liked girls. Petey, for all his… feminine traits, was still a boy. His voice, his body, his hair, there were constant reminders of this in your interactions. But you weren’t sure you minded them. Not like you thought you would.

There was nothing stopping your heart from beating when he leaned close to you to look at your notes on the lab report. It made you want to know more. Crave it.

But you were scared.

You decided… you couldn’t just ask Petey if you could try something with him to confirm something for yourself. For one, that’d be way too much, you were sure you’d melt if you even tried hugging him. And… Petey was a sensitive kid. You didn’t want to lead him on if it turned out you couldn’t get past him being a boy.

… after much deliberation. You decided to ask for a favor.

~

You have possibly the worst or best timing for awkward situations to take place.

The trio had become a duo as Petey left the empty class you occupied for another ‘regrouping session.’ It was just you and Gary now. Now or never.

Gary stands up to leave but you ask him to stay. Your audibly high pitched voice catches his attention. You’re so clearly nervous and shaking. Gary can smell something is up.

He asks you what’s up.

Trembling, you decide to confess to him.

He’s the only boy you feel close enough to ask and

You beg him… as a favor of course that he will be able to use anytime he needs in the future…

To maybe help you figure out if you can like guys?

This really stirs something in Gary. Bafflement. Intrigue. A scientific kind of interest… and maybe a bit of sadism as your beet red face makes his smile widen.

This was ridiculous.

It sounded fun.

He thinks it’s funny and tells you he’ll comply. But.. what is it you want? To fake date him? To make out? Gosh, so forward! Why not get it over with and suck his dick right here?

You sputter as you try forming the words rejecting those offers. There’s no need to go that far! You just need… to maybe touch him a little. Eyebrows are raised but before Gary can make another quip about what you’ll be touching, you clear up the misunderstanding and ask for.

A hug.

Maybe just a hug.

Gary thinks for a bit… crossing his arms.

That was… so boring. He sighed and scratched his head.

‘How is that going to help anything? Just one awkward back pat and you’ll know?’

‘…… that’s…. all I can think of….’

Gary hummed to himself as he thought things over. You were still sitting awkwardly, hands gripping your knees. An idea formed in his head… evil. But funny.

Without warning, he walks over to you, an takes your hands with his. He sits on your lap.

You have nowhere to run, no way to move. He’s heavy and he’s laughing in your face, placing your hands on him and teasing you with vigor.

‘Come on, weren’t you going to feel me up? Even if you don’t like it, use this as practice for when you FINALLY find another girl like you. But if this DOES open a new door for you…’

Your frustration hit a peak and you moved a hand to his mouth.

‘Alright, alright, just. Fuck, give me a second.’

‘…..’

He’s quiet for a bit as you’re trying to focus on his body. Maybe… focusing too much on his body. He’s sitting on your lap for christ’s sake! And he’s so close… but other than the initial shock… you’re not really feeling anything.

Hm.

At your expression, he starts back up with the teasing.

‘Wow. You know, it’s such an honor to be given this chance to possibly make you straight again-‘

‘Yeah?’

You weren’t really paying attention to him, instead, finally taking the chance to place a hand on his chest.

‘Oh? Missing boobs already?’

The other joined soon after.

‘Uh…’

You felt so awkward doing it, but you started tracing his pecs. You were surprised to realize they were soft, though you guessed it should’ve been obvious. Still…

The realization that a guy’s chest was similar to a girl’s WAS doing something to you.

You didn’t notice Gary had stopped talking, too lost in your thoughts. He had so much material but something about your intensity. The movement. The sensations.

It makes him start stirring.

He gets off you quickly, your wrists gripped tightly by his hands, and he desperately tries laughing it off.

‘Alright, time’s up! That was that!’

‘Oh…. Okay.’

As you both pack up to leave the classroom, it’s still quiet. You were now back to thinking about Petey.

Yeah. You liked him. You could be attracted to guys.

The revelation should’ve been a bigger punch to your gut than it was. At this point, your strangeness was just something you had to keep accepting.

As you both stepped out, you ask Gary if he’s dated someone before. Feeling the need to maybe… get some sort of solidarity with the awkwardness of it all.

Gary scoffs, accepting this subject change to stop thinking about trying to forget what he felt at the moment. He even uses it to try saying some ridiculous shit at first about how many girls he’s had confess attraction to him, how he could get anyone if he wanted… but you bring him back to the point of the question. You ask if he’s ever dated someone. He frowns at your rudeness and admits he hasn’t.

But it’s because he has no interest in it.

You raise an eyebrow and ask for clarification. Has he never had a crush? He waved it off like it was something shameful. He’d never be caught dead going after someone like that, he insisted. He has too high standards, and everyone disappoints him. It’s just as simple as that.

You only had to think about it for a few seconds before believing it. It made sense for Gary.

Unexpectedly, the idea of him actually becoming lovey dovey with someone made you laugh.

~

The following weeks had you insist on staying with Petey more, trying to bridge the gap you felt had grown since the beginning of the schoolyear.

But despite you having resolved your identity crisis… in the time it took you to understand yourself, Petey had gone and gotten a crush on someone else. Christy, the upcoming cheerleader destined to become the head after its current graduates.

He tells you such the day before your book report. You had been studying in the library… and you hoped to be able to get closer to him by asking about his feelings. You hadn’t expected this.

Petey was innocent as he tried asking for advice. You may act… boyish… but you were still a girl. What did you think his chances were with Christy if… he just tried to confess?

You didn’t know what to say. You felt clammed up, disappointed. Sad. You took in a shaky breath and tried playing the lesbian loser card. You told him you the last time you tried confessing to a girl… it landed you here.

That really shut him up. The awkward atmosphere made you get up and tell him you could finish the report in your dorm. Petey was sympathetic as he saw you leave, but whatever mistake he thought he’d made was not the correct one to focus on. You had your second heartbreak.

~

Your time away from Gary was not unnoticed or easily forgiven. When you tried asking him if he needed help with something, he was as bitchy as the day he snapped at a client. He walked past you.

‘I thought you’d be busy mooning after your new boyfriend some more. Hah, what happened to wanting to watch the school burn? Was that all traded as soon as you fell in love with the only girl that’d take you?’

‘If only.’

Your response made Gary stop his walking. What did you mean? Are you really going out with Petey?

When you denied it, something was evident in your voice. Feelings. Dejection. A flame stirred inside him, indignation. All this time he had spent alone, thinking you were avoiding him because of the awkwardness of that day… it was actually because you were thinking about PETEY?

What about the classroom? You touching him? That was all with PETEY in mind?

What the hell? Why did that gross him out more than before when he thought-

No. Back on track.

'Don’t tell me… you actually LIKE Petey?!'

'Yeah? I mean, I used to.’

‘Used to???’

‘Okay… maybe I still have a little bit left over but..... look, nothing is going to happen. Don’t worry about it...'

Well what kind of answer was that? Now Gary was even more interested!

'... What the hell does that mean?'

'..... I know who he likes. I know his type.' You smile and rub the back of your head sheepishly. 'I can't imagine he'd agree to a date with a mess like me... Besides. A guy like him dating a girl like me? He'd get more made fun of...'

Gary dug his fingernails in his arms and looked away. Why did your inherent rejection make him feel better? He had to distract himself from the relief that fell over him like a blanket.

'... You bet people would.' He tried laughing meanly, though it felt hollow. 'They'd ask who the man in the relationship was...'

You grimaced. You know Gary's sense of humor... but it still stung to face it like this. Your voice cracked.

'Yeah... hah. Just... one more thing to make me stay single forever.'

Gary finally looked at you... and he felt conflicted by what he saw.

You were defeated. You were now truly resigned.

Gary... was never good at consoling. Especially not when he wasn't really sorry... this was a win for him. You were back on his side. You were back to work. No more of this Petey distraction… no more thoughts on boys.

'Yeah, well-'

He swung his arm over your shoulder and started moving you away from the wall.

'It's not like dating is everything anyways. Now get your head back in the game! We have more assholes to make fun of.'

'... yeah.'

~

Teenage drinking.

Gary got some beer as payment from the preps for getting a secret out of the greasers. Since the schoolyear is ending, you both decided to celebrate another year of successful disruptive behavior without getting caught. Without Petey.

You were definitely more enthusiastic about your first time getting buzzed; Gary smelled the opportunity to see you become stupider than usual and let you just keep chugging the cans as he lightly sipped his own. Three beers later, your tongue has loosened and you’re talking the most he’s ever seen. Uninterrupted, as he’s fascinated by your rambling thought processes. He’s wondered about possible future scenarios, not realizing you stopped talking and were just looking at him as he languidly drank his beer.

You tell Gary that he's pretty. Out of nowhere.

He laughs, but you keep insisting that he's actually a really pretty dude.

He starts getting defensive thinking that you're comparing him to Petey, like you’re basically calling him a sissy. He gets in your face, he feels so insulted after all that went down with the wimp, he’s ready to lay your flaws out with that little excursion, but you don't back away from him even as he spits his words. You’re stuck staring at his eyes. He stops as he realizes he’s talking to the air, the silence makes you feel like you can talk again.

You slur your words as you tell him that he's not like Petey at all. Unlike the more effeminate boy… Gary’s a dude all the way. From his appearance and attitude.

But… you still think… he’s got a beauty to him that’s so unique. It’s Gary. ‘There’s something magnetic about you Gary.’

Your sincerity makes his initial rage temper down and he’s puzzled looking you over, not knowing how to take this. You smile and laugh as you reach over. He flinches a bit as your hand brushes his eyebrow, tracing his scar.

You try lightening the mood again, and tell him, of course, you can also go on about how he’s a dumb badass if he’d prefer. Newly recomposed, he swats away your hand and moves away to drink some more from his bottle, and he tells you to shut up. A while later though, you’re both back to laughing when the subject is changed. This memory stays somewhere in the back of your mind, a hazy memory you forget to remember when you leave the school for the summer.

He never forgets, though.