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Adam isn’t sure if it's just his soulmate, or if it's everyone's -- Gansey doesn’t like to talk about his ghastly romance, and Gansey is his only friend -- but Adam doesn’t particularly enjoy having a soulmate. He thinks they’re kind of weird.
Even, in theory, the concept of them is strange to think about. Is it another thing to add to the list of supernatural experiences they’ve been through in Henrietta, or is this a science thing that just hasn’t been researched thoroughly enough? Adam believes in the former – it’s not even the oddest part of his life.
His ghost (sorry, soulmate ) is a dark, brooding guy who isn’t as dark and brooding as he pretends to be. They haven’t talked much, more just shared insults as Adam goes about his day. He tries not to be aware of the fact that his ghost is floating around somewhere, sharing who knows what about Adam’s own experiences with the real-life version of his not-brooding soulmate. That thought scares him more than it should.
Take this very moment for example. Gansey had needed to go grocery shopping for Monmouth (see: milk, bread, and orange juice) and because recently Gansey couldn’t stand to be alone (for reasons that Adam isn’t reserved to, meaning it’s about his soulmate, Blue, but that’s a whole other issue) Adam is with him, dejectedly pushing the shopping cart as Gansey inspects item after item that he won’t buy.
He’s talking about an old friend of his, Ronan, who had moved away to Washington after his father's death. He’s coming over for a couple of days, maybe the weekend, maybe a month. Maybe he’ll move in, Gansey muses adoringly, and the thought makes Adam’s insides turn about.
Before, Adam had thought that maybe Gansey was his soulmate. The ghost guy had barely spoken to him before he had befriended Gansey, and he went eerily silent once they met. It was as if he had disappeared, which is what they’re supposed to do when you meet the real-life versions of them. But it hadn’t felt as it should – he was still there. Just extra moody and extra silent. Then Gansey finally opened up about his soulmate problems, and Adam realized that he didn’t need to be Gansey’s soulmate for them to be friends. Good friends, Adam repeats to himself. No need to be jealous.
“I think you would get along, actually,” Gansey is saying. They’ve finally reached the refrigerator section, and Adam’s naturally cold state turns even colder, and his body shudders. He pulls the sleeves of his worn-out sweater up to the palm of his hands, turning the cart to follow Gansey down the aisle.
But when he turns, Gansey is talking to someone Adam had never seen before – this is a guy that Adam would have remembered. Shaved head, leather jacket. Dark. Brooding.
Adam feels it in his stomach. The feeling.
Jealousy, probably. This is Ronan, obviously. Adam can figure this out from Gansey’s descriptions of the boy and Gansey’s comfortable stance. Gansey hasn’t noticed him yet, his back turned to Adam, but Ronan spotted him the second he turned down the aisle. There is a moment of unnervingly intense eye contact before he turns back to Gansey, nodding his head in Adam’s direction.
At this, Gansey turns. His eyes are lit, and he motions to Adam excitedly to come over, come on!
“This is Ronan!” He exclaims. “ Ronan. The one I was telling you about a minute ago, this is him! ”
He comes from money. Adam can tell straight away by the way he holds himself. Not like Gansey – not too proud. It’s a facade of confidence, obvious if not from his eyes, then from his bitten fingernails and chapped lips. Adam sees himself, nervous and burdened, just held together a bit better by money.
“So you’ll come to stay at Monmouth, of course. The apartment has been too empty ever since Noah,” Gansey pauses, choosing his words carefully, “moved out.”
Ronan tilts his head knowingly. “Adam doesn’t live with you?”
It’s as if he somehow knew that this was a sore topic. It was obvious from Gansey’s shocked nervousness that he hadn’t told him about Adam’s situation. It was just that Adam, especially when he was standing next to Gansey, was painfully transparent. It wasn’t just Ronan who saw through him, it was everyone, but something about his tone made Adam’s eyes flash.
“I have my own apartment,” he responds, not willing to let Gansey pull out a lie. “Above the Church.”
Ronan’s eyes soften, only for a moment, then they’re back to their usual indifference. As if he was only seeing reluctantly. As if when he was bored with these eyes, with this view, he could just go and change it out.
The thing inside Adam roared.
—
Monmouth wasn’t sacred to him as it was to Gansey, but it was special. Though he didn’t live in the abandoned warehouse, he was still here quite often. He stayed over at least once a week, occupying the guest bedroom that Gansey was currently showing to Ronan as his.
“Adam usually stays in here when he spends the night,” he informs Ronan. “But I’m sure he doesn’t mind the smaller bed. You need more leg room anyways.”
Sure, Adam didn’t mind. Gansey’s hospitality could be framed in a museum. Adam didn’t mind.
A cold takes over his body, not unlike the feeling he gets when made aware of his soulmate’s ghastly presence. He shivers, stepping out of Ronan’s way as he moves to follow Gansey down the hall. Gansey quirks an eyebrow at him in question, but Adam just shakes his head and retreats to the couch. He minds the miniature town as he falls back onto the cushions, pulling Gansey’s horridly orange blanket over his body and burrowing into the comfortable space. He feels eyes on him, unfamiliar and unsettlingly knowing. He doesn’t turn to Ronan, keeping his eyes trained on Gansey’s half-empty glass of orange juice from two nights ago. In his peripheral vision, he sees Ronan cross his arms over his chest and disappear with Gansey behind the wall. Adam relaxes, pulling the monstrosity over his head and allowing him to rest, just for a minute. He can spare a minute.
A minute turned into ten, and then sixty, and when Adam wakes the day has fallen into an unsuspecting night. It’s a pleasant summer this year, not too hot and not too rainy. Monmouth is quiet during this time of day. Gansey tends to take this time to be alone, either in his room or out of the apartment completely. Adam doesn’t enjoy being here without him, but he has to admit that the place has grown on him. Its ambiance is persistently Gansey-like.
Except it’s not as tranquil as it usually is. Adam, still in a semi-state of sleep, becomes aware of the soft scuffling that comes from his former room. He registers this as Ronan, and before the unshaking sense of annoyance that has attached itself with his presence in Adam’s life, Adam’s gut flips. Whatever this feeling is – jealousy, anger, or just plain old anxiety – it’s a real mood killer.
Adam sits up groggily as Ronan steps out of his – his. As in Adam’s – room. He’s been up, Adam assumes, from the way he moves around the room: alert, quick, awake.
He’s so quiet that if Adam wasn’t Adam, he might not have even known Ronan was awake. And then he feels the sofa dip beside him and a bowl of popcorn that Ronan must have brought with him (because Adam has never seen Gansey eat popcorn) is put between them.
“Hullo,” Ronan says through a mouthful of popcorn.
Adam nods at him, still bleary. His presence shouldn’t be as unsettling as it is, and Adam can’t for the life of him place exactly what it is about Ronan that sets off his alarms so loudly. But he’s Gansey’s “best friend” (what did that make Adam?) so he doesn’t just stand and leave. He turns to Ronan, rubbing his eyes and pulling the blanket off his shoulders to present himself more conscious.
“How are you liking Henrietta?” he asks politely. He shivers with the lack of his blanket, despite the warmth of the apartment and his knitted sweater; a Christmas gift from Blue. It’s green and has half a turtleneck that sort of folds when Adam doesn’t tuck it in itself. It’s Adam’s favorite piece of clothing, but he feels a little silly in front of Ronan, in his black tank top and plaid pajama pants. Adam doesn’t think he will ever outrun this dishonest feeling that runs along with his blood.
He doesn’t realize that Ronan hasn’t answered until Adam meets his eyes. He must’ve been in his head, but he doesn’t appreciate that Ronan paused to let them both acknowledge it.
“It’s okay,” Ronan finally responds. He takes another fistful of popcorn, picking out the chipped ones and throwing them back in the bowl. Adam can tell that Ronan’s aim is not the best; he picks the missed shots off the cushion to satisfy his growing hunger.
“It’s a very small town,” he continues. “I’m finding it hard to believe Gansey enjoys it here.”
Adam is sure it isn’t meant as an insult (like. 50% sure), but he still takes it as one. He has lived in Henrietta his whole life. Though Gansey moved for their first year of high school, where he met Adam at Aglionby, Adam has Henrietta in his bones. No matter how many times Gansey says he wishes he grew up here, it’s Adam who has the privilege to say he’s Henrietta born and bred (privilege, curse).
Adam’s tone turns cold. “It’s not that small,” is all he can come up with. “Blue and I are here. He likes it.”
“Oh I didn’t mean –”
“I’m sure you didn’t,” Adam cuts him off. “Have you met Blue yet?”
A swift change of topic, he hopes.
Ronan shakes his head, turning his head so his eyes are no longer meeting Adam’s. Adam can’t help but feel triumphant.
“Not yet. Gansey says we’ll all go out for lunch tomorrow. Some place called Nino’s, I believe.”
Tomorrow is Wednesday. Adam has work on Wednesdays, at both Boyd’s and the factory. Gansey knows this, which is why they never do anything on Wednesdays.
“I don’t think I’ll be able to make it,” Adam says amiably. “I have work.”
Adam is sure that it’s his imagination combined with the still present fatigue, but Ronan’s shoulders deflate a little when he says that. Adam is suddenly overcome with this coldness again. He shivers, and it feels like his ghost-soulmate is beside him, but when he turns, there’s nothing.
“You work?” Ronan says, breaking him out of his stupor. He realizes he must have been staring stupidly at Gansey’s unfinished glass of orange juice, but Ronan’s tone isn’t pitying yet so he turns back to the bowl between them.
“I’m at Aglionby on a scholarship. And I have to pay for my apartment.”
“Above the Church,” Ronan says.
“Yes.” It doesn’t matter that he remembers. They had this conversation only a couple of hours ago.
Still.
“Above the Church.”
–-
Somehow, dinner runs late enough for Adam to meet them at Nino’s. He’s still in his work clothes, but Gansey and Blue have visited him at work before, and Nino’s is almost empty. He doesn’t realize this until he’s gotten to the table and Ronan looks him up and down as he sips on his lemonade. He’s not embarrassed, but he flushes as he sits down.
Adam is cold. He was fine at Boyd’s, fine in the car on the way here – sweating, even, a little. But as soon as he stepped foot into Nino’s he was shivering. Based on yesterday, he had anticipated this and worn white thermal under his overalls. He wraps his arms around his stomach for warmth as the conversation starts back up.
“We were just telling Ronan about,” Gansey pauses. “ya know. Everything. ” This last part is whispered as if they’re being let in on a secret for the first time.
Everything was Gansey’s quest for the Welsh king Glendower. Adam is surprised that this is Ronan’s first time hearing about it. If Gansey is even acquainted with a person they’ll know about Glendower.
If Adam wasn’t so fucking cold, he might think about it more.
Instead, he keeps quiet as Gansey tells his story. Adam has heard it a thousand times before, Blue a hundred. Under the table, she kicks him in the shin and tilts her head questioningly when he snaps his head up. He shrugs, and she throws him her jacket. He smiles gratefully as he slips his arms in, adopting his previous slouched position, burrowed into the corner of the booth that Ronan so graciously offered to him (he moved an inch).
At some point, he must’ve fallen asleep. Due to his bad luck, his head somehow ended up on Ronan’s leather-clad shoulder, and his cheek is laden with marks from the creases. When he wakes, Ronan is bouncing his head up and down – gently, sure – with his shoulder.
Adam groans softly, pushing himself off of Ronan. He can hear Gansey and Blue laughing about something outside and he sees Nino’s employees start to prepare for closing.
He keeps his eyes shut for a few more seconds before opening them. He’s still cold, even with Blue’s jacket wrapped tightly around him. He must be coming down with something, he thinks.
“Sorry,” Ronan murmurs. “I didn’t mean to startle you.”
“You didn’t,” Adam replies. “Sorry for falling asleep on you. Hopefully, I didn’t drool.”
Ronan snickers, but there is no trace of maliciousness behind his eyes. “You didn’t.”
“Always seem to be tired around you,” Adam notices, sliding out of the booth.
“And cold,” Ronan adds.
Adam pauses. He’s right, of course. It had only been two days since Ronan’s arrival, so he can’t say that it was Ronan’s fault. Another week of being around him might confirm the hypothesis that is starting to form in Adam’s mind.
“Uh huh,” Adam mutters. “Weird.”
–-
A week passes easily. Without school in the way, Gansey is free to spend all his time with either Glendower or his friends – most of the time it's both. Ronan has been pulled along in their adventures, and Adam finds that, despite his first impressions, Ronan’s company is not at all objectionable.
Concerning his “hypothesis,” he has collected a fair amount of data:
- Adam does, in fact, only grow cold and tired when around Ronan. Alone with Gansey or Blue, in any location, he feels the heat of Henrietta’s summer on him. It’s only around Ronan does the chill surround his body, and he feels his eyelids droop, even if he’s just had a cup of coffee.
- Ronan, as opposed to him, seems to be strangely warm when around Adam. He can’t say it’s only around Adam, for he is Adam and Ronan is Ronan, but even when Monmouth has the AC on full blast (a nightmare for Adam), Ronan is still in his tank tops, complaining about the heat. Furthermore, one morning that Gansey had dragged them hiking, Adam had (accidentally) tripped, forcing Ronan to hold his weight. For a moment, Adam’s shivers had ceased when in contact with Ronan’s warm body.
- His ghost has disappeared. Tell-tale signs.
- Gansey seems to be pushing them together. Adam isn’t sure if this is related to his theory, or if it has to do with what Adam has maybe picked up on: that Ronan might be slightly into him. Either way, Gansey leaves them alone together quite a bit, even when they’re just at Monmouth he’ll find an excuse to leave them together on the couch.
Within a week, Adam has found what he presumes to be concrete evidence: Ronan is his soulmate.
This is not a concept that particularly bothers Adam. He’ll admit, to Blue, maybe, that he’s given not a small amount of thought to soulmates, and now, an even larger amount of thoughts to Ronan And Soulmates.
He doesn’t know though. The likelihood of all of his evidence being a coincidence is low, but still possible. Adam doesn’t know how to be sure, other than to ask. Though he’s grown more comfortable with Ronan, there’s no way that he’ll ever be putting himself through that possibility of embarrassment.
So he does the only other thing he knows that might help him. He kisses Ronan.
It isn’t a grand affair. They’re alone at Monmouth, as they so often are. Blue and Gansey are stargazing, Adam believes that’s what Gansey had told him. He left quickly once he saw that Ronan had situated himself opposite Adam on the couch. The sun is beginning to set and Adam knows he should get up and head to his apartment. Make use of the rent he’s working hard to pay.
But. But.
He moves closer to Ronan, situating himself on the cushion that usually keeps them separate. Ronan raises an eyebrow at him but continues talking about whatever it is that he’s talking about. His pet Raven, maybe, Chainsaw, who is back at home.
This makes Adam remember that Ronan is not permanent. He’s barely even temporary, he’s fleeting. He is only here to visit Gansey. He has a life at home, a bird. Maybe a boyfriend. Maybe they share the bird.
So Adam moves back to his cushion. Ronan doesn’t bother to respond to his strangeness, other than taking an Oreo from the pack he has stuffed under the blanket they’re sharing and throwing it at him. Adam moves quickly, positioning himself and then snapping at the cookie. He grins triumphantly with the biscuit in his mouth, and Ronan smiles at him, fondly. Fondly. This is getting ridiculous.
Adam shoves the blanket off him, not bothering about the goosebumps that lie on his arms. His t-shirt has slipped to one side, so he shrugs it back up and motions for Ronan to come closer.
“I need to do something,” Adam says. Ronan complies, putting the Oreo packet on the ground and leaning forward so he’s straight in front of Ronan.
“No, closer,” Adam shimmies forward. Ronan leans in impossibly closer.
Adam sighs, frustrated. He puts his hands on the sleeves of Ronan’s tank top and brings him closer closer so that they’re nose to nose.
“I need to…” Adam trails off. He thinks that maybe if he counted Ronan’s eyelashes none of this would even matter.
Ronan breathes through his nose, not letting the exhale out for a few seconds. A few seconds too many, Adam thinks. He can’t bear this anymore.
So he kisses Ronan. Again, not a big affair.
Except that he’s not cold anymore. Even when he pulls away, Adam is no longer cold.
He does it again. Just to check.
–-
“Your ghost was fucking annoying,” Ronan says to him. It feels like months later, but it’s only a couple of weeks. A couple of weeks for Ronan to decide he’s moving to Henrietta, for Ronan to permanently take up residence in Adam’s guest room, and for Ronan’s toothbrush to end up at Adam’s apartment Above The Church.
They’re in Adam’s car, driving to a set of coordinates that Gansey had sent him. They’re up in the mountains already, and the drive is soft and scenic.
Adam snorts. “Yeah, well, yours wasn’t too pleasant either. A lot like you, actually. Very rude. Moody.”
“I’m not moody,” Ronan argues. His hand pauses from where it’s tracing shapes on Adam’s neck to lightly pinch his skin.
“Fuck you,” Adam says with absolutely no malice.
Ronan grins, kicking his feet up on the dash. “Alter idem.”
--