Work Text:
That Gentle Feeling
“What is this”, she said.
She shouldn’t have said anything. Most notably she shouldn’t have said something that sounded like a question she didn’t want his answer to in the fist place.
Because she knew what this was.
One Free Boink – whatever that meant.
What she certainly knew was that this gut wrenching feeling of utter bliss should never have been called a boink.
She was fantasizing and more so fetishizing her first time since she was way to young to even think about this topic when she played with Barbies and Elenore introduced her to everything sex related and Ken.
Her fantasies were sometimes romantic, sometimes raunchy but most of the time she pictured herself screaming, sweating, crying while she was railed up by the boy of her dreams between her legs.
Just like Elenore got plowed by Trent.
It was the perfect mixture of romantic and naughty how her friend lost her virginity in the theatre room, and everything Devi wanted when she came here was to have this boink-fest as good as her friends was.
But her actual first time just minutes ago was breathtakingly… not boinking. Not fucking. Not being railed up.
It was… real.
So very real and not in the slightest bit scary. And what Kamala said wasn’t true either: she didn’t feel vulnerable.
She felt empowered and alive by all those soft kisses, his lips which found her weak spot right in the dip of her collarbone.
When he only caressed her upper arm with his fingertip, her skin broke out in goosebumps, she was this aroused by his actions.
This new feeling of enjoying the moment instead of overthinking how everything should be done just like in the movies or books.
It was a time to just be.
To be kissed and kissing him back as well.
To be touched and stroke him in return.
To do everything she wanted and never feeling the need to encourage him that he may touch every new spot of her bared skin.
Because he took his time to introduce her to sex and if he would ever had done something she wouldn’t have wanted, she had plenty of time to say something.
But she didn’t have to.
Instead she didn’t talk - at all.
Or scream for that matter.
Every pornographic material her friends and her watched was about moaning and groaning. The louder the woman moaned, the more fun the adult actress had. That’s what every book suggested either. But she was just sighing and breathing, closing her eyes and opening them again, because his thumb was back again in her face, stroking her cheek so slow and tender right before he kissed her again.
Kissing him was always something she enjoyed very much. She always had loved his hunger for her tongue but on this very evening in his bedroom with his housekeeper just two halls away he was slow and almost too affectionate and breathtakingly… Ben.
He had rolled on his back, so she could sit on him and had all the control and time she needed – but was there in an instant, when he felt that she struggled with the condom.
“I can help you”, he teased and sat up with her still in his lap.
She had a makro view on him with his almost black eyes and his stupid beautiful dimples – and in every other situation Devi would have snorted and giving him the speech of a lifetime about feminism and that she was capable to do everything by herself.
But in this moment she wasn’t as quick-witted as she used to be, because his abs were pressed against her breasts and everything she wanted was to be encouraged by his touch again, that she was – indeed – enough.
At least she made him groan, when she clumsily lifted her hips and felt very special in his arms and faint scent of his soap surrounding her. Even though his thumbs were squeezing her hips, he was still waiting for her to sink down on her own terms.
And at last she did, so she lost her virginity with both of them sitting on his cozy bed and breathless kissing in between.
She was still searching for the perfect word to describe her first time with him.
Because nothing she ever thought of was this… breathtaking.
And of course she knew a word which described how she felt. How he felt right beside her.
How they felt together.
But this word was never to associate with boinking. Or fucking. Or railing. Or having sex.
And that’s what made her fearful of this situation after she didn’t scream and convulse like everyone ever told her, but whimpering and fluttering to heights she never knew existed.
She never dreamed existed.
Because as lewd as you could do this act they had done right now, nothing has prepared her for feeling this delicate and safe when it’s the right person who cares for you and your feelings and is… gentle with you.
Uhhh… she hated this.
It made her sound sappy and not capable to conquer the world but more like a mess who couldn’t understand the difference between a boink and this… gentle intimacy.
Uhhh, the word! Not again.
So she had to ask this stupid question everything dependent on. If this was just a rushed promise written on a piece of paper or if this meant something.
Meant also something to him.
They were lying on their sides almost facing each other. Her arms were still around his neck, and his face rested under her chin right next to her collarbone. With every breath he took she felt his eyelashes flit her sensitive skin and sending shivers down her stomach.
She always thought that her thighs were too thick in comparison with Paxtons narrow muscled body and his boney fingers, which always liked to grab her boobs more often than her behind.
But Bens metaphorical bear paw as a hand laid just so comfortably on her thigh, stroking the line between her butt and thigh that even this gentle touch made her feel glorious.
Uhhh, there was this stupid word again, she thought as he leisurely raised his head to look her right in the eyes when he answered her question so open and honest, as if he was the one that was vulnerable. As if he feared she wouldn’t want to do this again.
“This can be everything you want it to be, David”, he said and stole her a kiss she was eager to reciprocate.
She still didn’t know what she really wanted, only that this gentle feeling in her stomach, in her heart,… in her brain was everything else but one free something.