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Aubrey had just gotten to sleep. It had been a violently bloody struggle to cease thinking about every awful part of her life, ignore the summer heat, and the rising smell from below her. But she had done it with the help of a fan and more appropriate clothing options. She was just fading away, drifting off into that sweet small death, when something hit the black tarp covering her window.
Her ears perked a bit, but she disregarded it and was able to slowly begin to fall asleep when something hit the tarp again. Okay, maybe it was just the bugs hitting it like morons again. It happens. She closed her eyes again, only for something bigger to hit it and clatter to the floor. Fantastic, there must be a very confused bat or something in her room. She listened out for some kind of stirring. Well, if it was an animal, that motherfucker was dead. Good, the piece of shit deserved it. She’d crucify it or something tomorrow to warn the rest of its species not to interrupt her beauty sleep.
This is when a loud crash rang out through her room, loud enough to make her jump. She sat up, only to get the wind knocked out of her by a fuzzy missile. She wheezed as Bun Bun shook in her lap, pressing herself close. Fuck this bun had some legs! She would be more proud if she was trying to hold in her junk food dinner.
Fighting back her nausea and flicking on the light, she decided she could most likely murder whatever was in her room one-handed. However, she almost stopped petting her frightened rabbit. What she found just made her earlier irritation grow and grow. Embedded in her already shitty wall was an abomination. It was god’s greatest mistake. It was a can of Orange Joe.
“Oh, son of a bitch.” With a bun cradled in one arm, she yanked out the freezing can of soda. Wow, that felt nice, so nice she was tempted to drink it. She blinked, sneering at her own thoughts. The heatstroke must have been sinking in! She just held it against her forehead as she threw open the tarp and looked down. “Okay, what the fuck are you doing here Kel-”
When she peered down, she saw the expected, dumbass face of her first boyfriend, Kel. The dumbass was currently dressed as he always was, in his basketball uniform. Huh, she didn’t smell him from here, so he must have washed it.
What drew her attention were the two accommodating him. Kel being a dumbass in the middle of the night was nothing new. But Basil, looking bleary-eyed and sleepy was new. The dork was in one of those big flowing sleep shirts, rubbing his eyes as he tried to fight a yawn and failed. Her second boyfriend was much, much less likely to be awake at this hour. All he was missing was a stocking cap and a candle and he would have to fight off half a dozen ghosts of Christmas past. He slowly looked up, before his eyes widened and his face grew flush. Huh.
And somehow, her third boyfriend was also there! When the hell did Sunny come back into town?! It took her a moment to place him, but he was right behind Kel, plain as day. Well, not so plain, because the fucker was dressed like a cat. Sunny in a slightly oversized kigurumi was not what she expected to see tonight, but it threatened to get rid of the great bad mood she was trying to cultivate. How was she meant to be pissed off at Kel with Sunny just standing there looking adorable?! He tried to look up, but the oversized hood fell over his eye. He took it off and looked up, meeting her eyes before waving with a small grin. Fuck, now she wasn’t angry anymore. Was that this shitheels game? When did Kel get so smart?
“FINALLY! About time you woke up sleeping beauty!” Kel exclaimed, grinning widely. “I planned this date for wayyyyy too long for you to just sleep through it.”
“Kel, What the absolute fuck is going on,” Aubrey replied with a huff, irritation from being woken apparent, but tainted with even more, as she had been fighting to get there for hours. “What date? When the Sunny get here, and why does Basil look like he's about to just keel over and die.”
“Well, my lovely beau” Kel said, in the most ear-aching fake southern accent she had ever heard. “You always said we were wusses, and you wanted to do crimes with us. So, I have an entire DATE filled with the crime! Including the boys in our do-crimeing of course!” He pulled both boys close, shaking Basil out of the stupor he was in. “Also Sunny just got here like… an hour ago. Dude took an overnight bus”
“A-Aubrey!” Basil attempted to cut in, but his voice could not be heard over his two, much louder significant others. However, Sunny noticed, and gave him a look, begging him to keep his mouth shut. Basil just glared back at him. He had to tell her!
“So you woke me up at….wait what time is it?” Aubrey asked, fury momentarily derailed by ignorance of the current time. Sunny dug around somewhere in the front of his cat outfit, and pulled out his phone, holding up a finger. “Aw thank you, Sun Bun~” She replied, taking delight in the way he shrunk under the hood so easily. If only Kel was this easy to mess with “Anyway, Kel, why the hell did you wake me up at 1 AM for a date?!”
“Well let me finish and I’ll tell you already jeez!” Kel exclaimed, not caring that he was just riling Aubrey up more. It would be more fun anyway if she was pissed off! She deserved only the best after all. “The machinations of my mind are an enigma-”
“Quoting Spongebob like its gospel is not the correct answer to that question,” Aubrey replied, she was petting Bun Bun, but it was not easing the throbbing in her forehead that Kel was causing. If that shit turned out to be a tumor, she was going to name it after him… “Now you answer the god-damned question or I’m going to go back to sleep and make sure I have one less boyfriend in the fucking morning!”
“Alright alright, geez…’ Kel frowned a bit, pouting. “Your no fun.”
“Less bitching more talky.”
“Wellllll… The things I got planned tonight could get us in some serious trouble if we get caught. Like jail time serious. So, like the genius I am, I decided we could do this at night to avoid the popo.”
Basil attempted to cut in again, to tell Aubrey what was wrong, only to freeze. ‘Excuse me? What do you mean “Jail time serious” ?!” Basil asked, anxiety rising a bit past the five out of ten that could be considered his baseline. “You said it was going to be mostly harmless!” Sunny also perked up at the mention of jail time crimes. It had only been a year since he left his self-imposed exile, but he had turned into a mischievous little hellion, much to Basil’s chagrin, and Aubrey’s delight.
“Well, I know I said that but after checking online, I’m pretty sure a few are felonies,” Kel stated, grinning ear to ear. The reactions were mixed. Aubrey was instantly interested, Sunny looked placid, but those who knew him could see he was almost vibrating. Basil, however, had all the blood drain from his face.
“Felonies?! Kel, I can’t go to prison! Have you SEEN me? I wouldn't last a day in there!” Basil exclaimed as Aubrey laughed and Sunny tried to put a comforting hand on his shoulder.
“Anyway,” Kel said, steering away from the implication that THAT statement held. “So are you ready for a whirlwind night of romance and crime?”
Aubrey was a proud girl, this couldn’t be denied. She had been self-sufficient from a young age, and even if she had faltered, she hadn’t broken like most would have in her situation. That was to say she had a healthier ego than most. So she was very hesitant to admit that Kel, of all people, had done something so perfect for her. She was almost touched enough to let the Bad Bitch persona (™) slip for a moment. Almost.
“...okay. Fine, that sounds like a decent date night idea.” She replied, petting the now calmed Bun Bun. “I’m game.”
“Fantastic. I figured you would be down with the idea.” Kel smiled, a sly expression on his face was perhaps the most terrifying thing in existence. It meant one of two things. He had either had a brain blast, and was going to use his fleeting intelligence for evil, or he was going to use it to be an even better breed of dumbass. “You’re already breaking a law right now!”
“What the fuck are you talking about?’ Aubrey asked, raising a brow. “Are you calling me loud enough to register as a noise complaint?”
“Aubrey! I….er…” Basil, forgetting about being passed around in prison like a bad rumor for a moment, found his opportunity to cut in, even if it was a bit later than he wanted. “You…I…er…”
“Basil, sweetie,” Aubrey said, in the softest voice that could still be heard from the second floor. “You're going to have to just say it.”
“You’re…uh…shirtless.” Aubrey blinked, slowly looking down. Thankfully, she wasn’t nude, however, she was just showing off her bra to the world this entire time. She had forgotten this was the first step to beating the heat of her shitty home. She could feel her cheeks glow red as she realized she was halfway to nudity this entire time, and Kel hadn’t said a damn thing! (Sunny didn’t either, but she couldn’t be mad at Sunny. He’s Sunny. Expecting him to vocalize that much was like waiting for a miracle. It’d happen sometimes but best not count on it.)
“Heh, public indecency is a crime! Looks like you’re already in the spirit of it Aubs!” Kel exclaimed, laughing in a way that just stoked her ire. ‘Although I didn’t expect Sweethear-” Whatever Kel was about to say ceased as Aubrey decided the best way to perform an attitude adjustment was percussive maintenance. That is to say, pegging him in the forehead with a can of Orange Joe.
“Sunny, please tell me that moron isn’t dead,” Aubrey said, massaging her temples. “I don’t need a murder charge on the list of crimes tonight.”
Sunny kneeled down, next to the fretting Basil and put two fingers on Kel’s neck. After a moment, Sunny looked back at her and just half-heartedly shrugged.
“Eh, he’ll be fine. Gimme a few to get ready and I’ll be right down.”
“Owwwww. Did you have to throw that can so hard? I was only teasing.’ Kel whined, rubbing the ring-shaped bruise slowly making itself apparent on his forehead. Aubrey just snorted, choosing to give him the cold shoulder for the moment.
“Zip it. The only reason I’m giving your lame ass a chance to salvage this thing.” She replied, a bit snappy. “I should just shut it right down you skeezy prick!”
“Skeezy?! You’re my girlfriend! It’s not like you are just some random girl.” Kel replied, pout only growing stronger. “Besides, when we swam two weeks ago you wore a two piece to tease me and poor, innocent Basil!”
“That's different!’ Aubrey replied, “I was trying to beat the heat dude, besides that was different.”
“Um…Aubrey.” Basil cut in, softly. “That swimsuit showed more than your underwear did.” He barely managed to finish without stuttering, glowing red at the memory. “Kel sort of has a point. It wasn’t nice of him not to say something, but you could have given him a concussion.”
“Are you telling me that I’m wrong?”
“Well…Y-you told me I should be more assertive. And speak my mind instead of being a, in your words, wishy-washy yes man. So uh….yea. I think you're sorta wrong.” Basil said, growing more and more nervous as her narrowed eyes stared him down. “I-if that’s okay with you of course.” He quickly added, steering back into old habits to save his bacon from her irritation.
Aubrey took a large breath, slowly exhaling it through her nose. Basil may be a god-damned nerd, but he had a lot of good tips about calming down. Sure, his anxiety was a bit different than her constant, seething rage about everything in general, but they were oddly similar! Instead of being scared of everything, she just wanted to murder it. She took another breath, and slowly counted to ten. As fun as being pissy at Kel was, he was trying to show her a good night, and she wouldn’t let him winge and whine about her not giving this all a fair shot. “No. I’m impressed honestly. Standing up to me is a step up! Even if it is a poor decision for your life expectancy if you were anyone else.” She clapped him on the back, nearly knocking the blonde over. “But are you going to wear that dress all night?”
“It’s a nightgown.” He mumbled, getting steady on his feet before looking back at her, all still following Kel to oblivion as far as they knew. “Do you think so?”
“I know so! Maybe one day, if your lucky, you’ll be able to tell Sunny no.” Aubrey said.
“Really?!” His eyes sparkled. He always had a weak spot for the nearly mute teenager, but it had become a point of playful teasing that he was a doormat for Sunny. He had been trying to get better at denying some of his requests if only to avoid getting roped into more strange situations like the great Disney flame war. However, he was whipped.
Aubrey snorted, as did Sunny. “Hell no. You’re whipped.” Aubrey booped Basil’s nose as he pouted. But before basil could stomp his foot and puff up his cheeks, Kel revealed the first part of his plan.
“Behold, the first crime,” Kel said, gesturing to the Othermart parking lot. There, alone on the blacktop, was an unassuming car. It was a well-loved if bruised and battered little sedan with a blue, peeling paint job.
“You’re going to show us a car?” Basil asked, confusion apparent. Kel just scoffed. This poor twink had no idea how deep his machinations ran!
“No, it’s Hero’s car. The car I stole from my parent's driveway.” Kel grinned as he held up a pair of keys. “The car I am going to be driving.”
Now all of them were staring at him. Kel just kept holding up the keys, sure that at any moment they would all break out into a cheer. They did not.
“Kel, don’t you just have your learners permit?” Basil asked. He loved Kel, a lot. But that didn’t mean he trusted him behind the wheel of a moving car. At least until Hero stopped getting this far-off look when he spoke about Kel getting his hours.
“Yes, but that is not the most illegal thing we’re going to do tonight, besides, I have that accounted for! Don’t worry about it.” Everyone, after hearing him say that, started to worry about it. Except for Sunny, for obvious reasons. He was just amused by the entire situation.
“Okay dude, Even I’m a little iffy on you driving,” Aubrey said. Kel was shocked, flabbergasted, bamboozled even. He had been so convinced that this would work perfectly, that he didn’t plan for anything that didn’t involve the car.
“Aw….Okay. I guess I’ll go return the spraypaint.” Kel said glumly, making his way over to the car to pop the trunk.
“Excuse me what?” Aubrey asked, blinking as she watched him pull out heaping fix-it bags full of the good shit. How did Kel even get that stuff? They carded now after Aubrey and the Hooligang spraypainted that huge dick onto the parking lot during the winter.
“Yea. So I found some old abandoned buildings, and we were going to spraypaint them.” Kel explained, taking another bag out of the truck. “After that, we were going to go mailbox smashing.” The bat was the next thing to be taken out of the trunk. “Remember all those church people who made whole big stink about our…cuddle puddle?”
“..Kel it's a polyamorous relationship,” Basil said with a long-suffering sigh. He was already frazzled enough, he didn't need to dredge up this long-standing argument to the surface yet again.
“Yea but that sounds like…so…weird. Cuddle puddle is better.” Kel brushed him off, Basil didn’t know the first thing about romance apparently. “But I got a list of all the people that tried to get Aubs kicked out of church, and we were going to smash their mailboxes. And by the end of the night, we were going to drive an hour away to this all-night pinball and pizza place Sunny found on the internet.”
Aubrey, by this point, was vibrating with excitement. Somehow, someway, the most brain-damaged among them (tied with Sunny at least) Had come up with a date night of the ages. A perfect way to force her cute boys to become proper delinquents. If the price was perhaps crashing Hero’s car and dying, so be it.
“Let’s do it.” All eyes snapped to attention, looking at Sunny. Woah. That was the first utterance in a while! Sunny, for his part, hid under his kitty hood as the attention was brought down on him. Basil sighed, knowing he was outvoted on this count.
“Fine. But can we swing by my house to change? If we need to run, I can’t run in this…” He gestured at his nightgown, and feet only clad in socks.
“All you would need are shoes. '' Aubrey replied, grinning. “Unless you’re afraid of accidentally flashing someone your skivvies while running from the popo.”
Basil didn’t answer, just growing a deeper shade of red as he got into the car. Aubrey was confused for a moment until something struck her.
“Heh, enjoying the breeze there Basil?”
“I don’t know, did you enjoy showing off from your window?”
“Okay. I’m just going to ask the obvious question. “ Aubrey said. They were on their way, Kel driving slowly with his high beams on, curled over the steering wheel. His tongue jutted out of his mouth as he concentrated on the road ahead. He didn’t have time to answer that question, he had to focus! Unlike all his previous lessons, he was carrying precious cargo! Not that Hero was less important…but…No, wait yea hero was less important than Sunny, Basil, and Aubrey.
“...I was going to ask too,” Basil said, glancing at the thing sharing the backseats with them. Sunny sat on his left, watching the dark woods go by without a thought in his little head. He, like always, sat squished in the middle. It was how it had always been when he was the smallest, but now, considering his new height, and bulk from working at Fix-It as well as Kel urging him to join the gym; it was a tight fit.. Tighter still with…whatever was stuffed beside them.
In the rightmost bench seat, buckled in, was something wrapped in a tarp. It sat there, draping over the seat and resting on the floor. It would be unassuming, if not for the fact that it really looked as suspicious as something could be. Also, the note that asked them not to touch it was in Kel’s sloppy handwriting.
“What are you all talking about? It’s nothing.” Kel replied. Keeping his eyes on the road meant that he didn’t have to see the skepticism on his friend's faces. Or the face Basil made when he ignored the note and pulled back the tarp, just a bit.
Aubrey watched. She couldn’t see what was behind it, but she watched as all the life drained from Basil’s face. For just a second, she swore those baby blue’s flashed blood red as he slowly began to shake Sunny, trying to draw his attention. Each moment the mute teen didn’t respond, the shaking just got stronger, until Sunny’s head bounced off the window with a dull bong.
Irritated, Sunny shot a glare at Basil that was blocked by his oversized hood, until he groaned and pulled it up by the cat ears so his disapproval could be known. However, Basil just lifted the tarp again, angling it so Aubrey couldn't see. Sunny’s entire demeanor changed, a look of fear slowly growing on his face. Aubrey found her morbid curiosity growing and growing. What the fuck was it?
“Kel…” Basil started. “Just to start off. We’re not mad at you.” He said, gesturing to Sunny who just nodded. ‘We know these kinds of accidents can happen.”
“What are you talking about?” Kel asked, pulling up to the abandoned gas station. After he made sure it was in park, he turned around to face Basil. He almost winced from how intense he looked, an expression of grim determination on his face. “Woah what's wrong?”
“No Kel, It’s okay. Me and Sunny know exactly how it feels to have this kind of accident.” Sunny nodded, expression just as grim. “The good thing is, you now have two experienced boyfriends who can help you through this tough time.” Basil sighed, muttering something. “No jump rope this time. We’ll do it right. We’ll need acid, two shovels, and a hacksaw.”
“Woah Woah Woah.” Aubrey interrupted. ‘As fun as…whatever you have planned with all that shit sounds fun, but I have no idea what your own about. Why do you two look so HOLY SHIT.”
While she was asking, Basil simply took the tarp down enough to show Hero, Hed limp and lolled back, his eyes open. He wasn’t blinking, hell, it didn't look like he was even breathing. The duct tape covering his mouth glinted faintly in the car’s running lights. Taking the tarp off revealed he was cocooned in the stuff. Aubrey just slowly looked over to Kel, after confirming that the man didn’t move. “Kel is your idea of taking us out for a date hiding a body?”
“What are you AH!” Kel yelped as he saw his brother's vacant eyes staring into him. “Ugh, I hate when he does that.”
“Kel your brother is dead,” Basil said, already putting together an alibi in his head. “But we can make sure none of us go to jail.
Aubrey, eyes wide in shock, simply nodded. “I always sort of figured that you had some jealously of him… Didn’t think you would take it this far.” She whispered.
“He’s not dead. He’s asleep.”
“Yea Sunny said that about Mari too,” Basil muttered darkle, waiting for his previous trauma flashback to cease so he could start a new one.
“No, he’s really asleep.” Kell rolled his eyes. ‘Check his pulse if you don’t believe me.
Basil did just that. Putting two shaky fingers on his neck. A few tense moments passed before the blonde let out a breath he had been holding for ages. “Okay, it is there. He’s alive. I don’t have to hide another body.”
“Why were you so prepared to hide another body anyway. “ Kel asked, but Basil pretended not to hear that. “He’s just asleep!”
“Kel, people don’t sleep like that.” Aubrey could feel tiny eyes glaring at her. ‘Sunny not included.” He nodded, happy with not being included in whatever coma Hero was currently in.
“Well, you know how Hero got diagnosed with anxiety?”
“Uh huh?”
“And he nearly had a mental break down during his final exams this year?”
“I didn’t know that before, but I do now Kel.
“Well Aubs, the doctors gave him a new sleep medication, because anxiety and insomnia are like a one-two combo that kills normal people right?” Kel explained. “He just started them last week but the side effects…well….”
“Make him look like he kicked the bucket?” Kel finished the sentence. “Yea, I have no idea, but he’s not having nightmares, so that’s nice!”
“Okay…good to know!” Basil said. “But why did you cocoon him in duct tape, and cover him in a tarp if he isn't going to be buried in a shallow grave on the hangout spot island? The same spot where it would be illegal for the police to search due to a city hall loophole that doesn't allow them to set foot on the island?”
Aubrey opened her mouth, then closed it again. On one hand, she should be a bit worried that Basil knew all this. From the outset, it looked like he had been planning on how to dispose of bodies if any of them needed to. On the other hand, it was not the time or place to discuss this, as this date night was not the place to explore how accepting Basil was of all their sins. But they did need to address something. “Why is Hero HERE though Kel?”
“Oh, that's easy!” Kel said, getting out of the car, but keeping the headlights on so the empty wall was illuminated by the brights. “So if the cops pull us over, we can slap him awake and just claim it was for my driving permit hours!”
“And the duct tape?”
“Well, I don’t want him interfering with our date now do I?” And with that he shut the door, leaving all three of his So’s staring at the dead (to the world) older brother.
“.....eh….fuck it” And with that, Aubrey got out the car, leaving the vibrating Basil, and Sunny. Basil just sighed deeply and looked over to Sunny. To his annoyance, he looked like he was having a fantastic time. Sunny knew he was the baby and could get away with damn near anything, so he just enjoyed the chaos that surrounded him without a care in the world, or fear it would bite him in the ass.
“.....Can you help me spraypaint Sunny?”
“Looks like Sunny used the last of the black Aubs…” Kel said, squinting as he went through the remaining cans that were left in the bags. “Any idea of a decent substitute?”
“The blood of my enemies….” She mumbled, eyeing Sunny, who was diligently helping Basil finish his tag. Sunny, being the creative little shit he did, finished his in no time flat. A magnificent piece in monochrome, of a dark lightbulb radiating light. It filled his section perfectly, and was matched with block letters, reading “Waiting for something to happen?” As infuriating perfect as it was, there was another reason to be made about it. The motherfucker had used all the black paint in doing so.
“We don’t have that, we do have slate grey!” Kel said, tossing it to her as she grumbled. The hooligang tag she was working on would look a little weird with its outline being two contrasting colors… But maybe it could be pulled off with a sort of gradient effect? That could work! “What are you drawing anyway Kel?”
“A masterpiece,” Kel said, looking upon his creation and almost weeping at its magnificence. Standing there, in all his citrus glory, was Orange Joe. The golden god of the best god damned soft drink to ever exist, sitting before him. Kel had put so much work into his graven image, so he may come here later to worship. To Aubrey, who was looking over it with a bemused smirk, it looked more like a children's drawing that Sally would make on a bad day. “Truly, beautiful.”
“It sure is. It almost makes me want to try Orange Joe again!”
“Really?”
“Fuck no!” Aubrey said with a snort, the look of despair he gave her almost sending her into hysterics. “But if you get some tonight, maybe, if this date keeps being so fun, I’ll take a sip okay?”
“Really?! Your not just gonna so no right?!” Kel looked so excited, and Aubrey couldn’t help but feel her heart flutter at his expression. Sure, they had all encouraged him to be a little more honest with his feelings, but he was still the massive ray of sunshine that warmed her blackened, dead heart. She realized, she may have been a little bitchy with him this evening. Although with every reason to be.
“Yea sure,” Aubrey added, watching him tap his feet excitedly. Somehow, Sunny and Basil had started drinking it on occasion and didn’t even seem to mind it. She could give it another shot. Maybe her opinion of it mellowed with age? “Hey, uh, Kel?”
“Mhmm?” He asked, getting back to work.
“Thanks for all this. Really.” Aubrey said, trying to focus on her own street art to finish it, and not so Kel didn't see her blush or any of that bullshit. “I know I was sorta pissy with you earlier, but this has been really fun so far. And it’s really cool that you thought of this all for me. Makes me feel special or some shit like that.” She finished lamely.
She yelped as she felt two strong arms grab her and pull her up, holding her close as Kel nestled his head on top of her bubble gum locks. She could feel his laugh through her back as he tightened those arms around her. “Aw…I love you too Aubrey.”
“L-Let me down you mushy fucker!” Aubrey said, face ablaze and legs kicking., She couldn’t let Kel call her out like that. Badasses couldn’t be swung around by their boyfriends like this! It was madness! She was meant to be manhandling them!
“Nope! Your my very pretty girlfriend and I'm gonna love you foreverrrrr….” He said, peppering her with kisses. He was smart, as he pinned her arms to her sides with his embrace, so the best she could do was wiggle. Sure, he would get his later, but this was so worth it. “Boys, I think Aubrey needs a hug!”
“Oh no.” Aubrey groaned, eyes wide as two mischievous faces drew closer. “Stay back you fruitcakes! I’m fucking warning you!”
“Awww, sounds like someone is in a bad mood huh Sunshine?” Basil looked to the short catboy, who just grinned and nodded. “Well, we know how to fix that.”
“No seriously! I swear to god I will rip your dicks off!” Aubrey screamed, but it was too late. They were all hugging her now. She was fighting the instinct so hard, the one all three of her boys were trying to trigger. Being hugged like this, the date, it made her all feel so loved. In all her days before this, she could not have imagined something like this happening to her. So, when she received it, she just felt so many emotions that she would have to cry them out. “Y-you cunts. Stop making me so hapyyyyyy.” And there it was, the most perfect sight, and the best way to humble a badass, happy tears. They only hugged tighter still after that, until they broke apart, and Kel went to the car to get her something to blow her nose with. Basil went with as emotional support, and to make sure that Kel didn't end up in a shallow ditch for making Aubrey act like a sap, lord knows she needs the healthy outlet.
This left Sunny, and a still heaping shopping back of spray paint, and an entire wall for him to tag as he pleased. The first thought was he couldn't be asked to do more work. After all, he was the only one who needed to drag around an old oil drum so he could paint the top. However, a sudden thought struck him. It would be a nice little tribute
Hero was roused from the murky sleep of his pill induced near coma just momentarily. His eyelids felt heavy as lead as he let out a little groan. Why was he awake? What woke him? All he could hear was a faint rumble, and a soft, gentle motion. Oh, it was so nice.
That was until the rumble turned into a violent roar, something screeched, and there was a gargantuan sound of something shattering into a million pieces. This, of course, was followed by loud cheers that warbled in his intoxicated ears. He knew he would not be able to return to dreamland unless he dealt with whatever game Kel was playing so late at night, so with herculean effort, he opened them.
That was when the confusion began to sink in.
He looked next to him and saw somebody in a cat onesie clapping their paw mittens together, cheering somebody on. Kel was in front of them, holding a wheel and squinting at the road ahead, all the while chattering something excitedly. The nature of the words still escaped him in his hazy existence. He could see Basil also looking towards his brother, the reserved way he carried himself all but a memory at the moment, as he pumped his fist and said something… And so his left, was someone's rear in his face, as they leaned all the way out the car window.
There was another sudden acceleration that woke him up to the point where he could understand what they were saying. And the crash cemented that, as well as giving him the start to a wonderful migraine. He went to say something, but found he could not, looking down, he found himself completely bound and gagged. What the fuck was going on here?
“Holy shit Aubrey I’m pretty sure they’ll be finding pieces of that mailbox three yards over!” Kel whooped as the said hooligan sat back in her seat, grinning as she stowed the bat in the floor boards, smacking Kel’s offered hand in a celebratory high five. “That’ll teach that bitch to call Basil slurs.”
“The only slurs that old bat will be spewing are the ones when she wakes up and sees her ugly ass salmon mailbox has been smote by my righteous hand!” Aubrey crooned, rubbing her knuckles on her breast, smug pride radiating off of her. Hero stared at the pair, a knot forming in his stomach. They were smashing mailboxes?! Do they know how much trouble they could get in for that?! But they didn;t seem to notice his muffled noises, as he attempted to catch their attention.
“She did deserve it…” Basil muttered, grinning with malicious glee. Hero balked a bit at the evil expression on his face. It was not one he would have expected to see on Basil of all people. “She shouldn't have shit-talked my petunias.”
“Anyone wants the last two?” Aubrey asked. ‘I feel a bit guilty hogging all the fun!”
“Well, it is your night.” Kel replied, grinning at her. “But I think it would be really fun seeing Basil give it a shot.”
“No. I couldn’t.” Basil replied, holding up his hands in mock surrender.
“You sure?” Kel’s serpentine grin underlined the temptation he was about to offer. “The next house is that lady that you think poisoned your rose bush so she could win the county fair flour competition.”
The darkening of Basil’s expression was something to behold. He went from sweet and innocent to murderous in a moment. Even Aubrey couldn’t hold a candle to that rage. “Stop the car. Aubrey, we are switching.”
“Oh, hell yea! Flower boy is about to let loose!” Aubrey slopped out of the car as Kel brought it to a stop, as did Basil. It was at this moment that Hero was coherent enough to realize two things.
One, besides the mailbox smashing, they had also taken his car. He would recognize that Orange Joe stain from when Kel shook up his can anywhere. Two, Kel was driving his car, without any vocal direction or oversite. His brother was driving this car.
KEL WAS DRIVING
It was then that he made himself known, violently thrashing as Kel started the car, and began to accelerate. They didn’t notice the girly scream, as it didn’t slip past the duct tape. However, after the explosion of another mail receptacle, Sunny looked over, meeting Hero’s terrified eyes, and mirrored his expression rather quickly. Sunny began to tug on Aubrey’s sleeve, not looking away from Henery.
“Wow Sunny, you saw that one fly right!?” Aubrey looked back, excitement seeping out of every word. However, she was quick to pick up on how scared Sunshine suddenly was. “What's the matter Sunny? Too much loud noise? You brought your headphones right?” She asked with concern. She knew he could be overwhelmed by crowds of people, but now that she thought about it, all the noise could be getting under his skin too.
Sunny nodded, then shook his head. Noticing the confusion in Aubrey’s features, he groaned. He really should have learned sign language like Mari had suggested. Or at least brought a pen and paper. He tapped his ear and nodded, then shook his head.
“So you have your headphones, but that isn’t what you worried about?” She ventured a guess, and Sunny lit up. Good to know her sunny-ese was slowly recovering to pre-neet levels. “Then what’s the issue?”
It was then she noticed the sluggish wiggling of Kel’s older brother, along with the wild eyes and muffled noises. Oh shit. “ Uhhhhh… Kel?”
“I know I know you want to switch. But I think Basil should get one more. We can hit one on the way home okay?” Kel answered, not taking his eyes off the road. After all, if he crashed they would all get hurt. They had to be responsible while committing a string of felonies. Safety first when pinning it to the MAN. Whoever that man was.
“Kel that’s not the issue.” She nudged him again, seeing the fear in Hero’s eyes slowly turn to seething rage as he wiggled harder. He was a little bit miffed that nobody had taken the tape off his mouth yet. Aubrey was a bad bitch, sure, but she was not tough enough to not be phased by Hero’s disapproval.
“Then what is it?” He asked, packing the car as Basil pulled himself back in. He looked in the back and made eye contact with his brother. In that single moment, Kel could feel someone walking over his grave, and the endless slap of slippers. Grinning sheepishly, he muttered “Oh hey Hero. Didn’t expect you to wake up.” He added with a chuckle, wincing as Hero’s brows furrowed.
“MFHHH!” Hero attempted to articulate. Good thing he couldn’t, Mari would be spinning in her grave with the amount of salty langue he was attempting to spew out. However, tongue-tied as he was, it was all for naught.” MFGHGHS!”
“We should…take off the duct tape right?” Basil posited, staring at Henry. Perhaps the notion about how awful of an idea this was beginning to dawn on him. Or maybe the property damage had made him brave enough to face the music for once in his life. He reached for the edge of the tape covering Hero’s mouth, only for Kel to slap his hand away.
“No! I don’t think that's a good idea, Basil.” Kel said, nerves leaking through to his voice. “I think it would be better if we kept him quiet until he promises not to be angry.”
“Your joking right?” Aubrey asked, raising a brow while watching this entire thing. Sure, she could get in trouble, but the chance of watching Kel get his ass handed to him proved to be too tempting. Even Sunny looked skeptical that Hero would be anything but murderous.
“No! You see, my dear, sweet eggplant.” He said, patting her head, showing that he was willing to risk the loss of his hand to tease her. “Unlike us ruffians, Hero is a man of class and honesty. If he promised he won’t be mad, he won’t be. He’s perfect like that.” Aubrey decided, there and then, to let this fucker hang by his own rope
“I know Hero is a bit of a softie…” Basil started, attempting to give Kel a way to back out of this. “But I think he’s a little more mad than usual. Being that you kidnapped him and all. And stole his car. And borrowing money to take us to the pinball pizza place after.”
“I did not borrow any money from my brother!” Kel said, his grin growing a bit wider as he gazed at the blond. Something in his eyes told Basil to shut up, so he did so. Hero was just thrashing more now.
“Oh my god dude you are sooooo fucked.” Aubrey said with a grin, patting him on the shoulder. “You’ll be lucky if you can leave your house in the next decade.”
“If his mother doesn't murder him first,” Basil muttered, a growing regret for agreeing to all this mounting in his gut. Kel’s mother was a bit of a sore spot in the group. She was a nice woman, of course, however, to say that she wasn’t understanding about this entire thing was an understatement. She was convinced this was all a phase, and that he would “pick” one of them. No doubt she would use this to plan a glorious, bloody murder of her disappointing son.
“Nahhhhh. I’m sure it’ll be fine.” Kel said, pretending denial was strong enough to bend reality to its will. “Now Hero, will you be chill if I take off your gag?”
Hero stopped thrashing for a moment and thought. After a long, uncomfortable moment, he nodded. “See?!” Kel gestured to his bound brother. “I told you he would be chill. Hey Sunny, can you take it off for me?”
Sunny, not being the most subtle being with his actions, just yanked it off with a loud rip. Basil whimpered, and Aubrey hissed through her teeth as sympathy pain raced through them for a moment. The rectangle where the duct tape had previously been was deep ruby red, irritated from the casual and violent removal of the adhesive.
“Oof. You okay bro?” Kel asked, unaware of the bear he was currently pokeing at the moment. Sunny at least looked remorseful for his action, and watched Hero carefully. Hero opened his mouth, thought better of it, and took a deep breath instead. “Now you promised you wouldn’t be mad! Remember that.”
“Oh Kel. Kel, Kel, Kel, Kel, Kel. My sweet baby brother. I did, in fact, promise that I wouldn’t be mad at you.” Hero crooned, less anime protagonist and more Batemen in tone, making everyone wince, except Kel. “And I’m not mad!”
“Really?”
“Yes. Kel, I’m not even remotely angry.” Hero paused for a moment. “Anger is too shallow of a word to describe all the emotions I am going through right now. No, it wouldn’t due. Livid is a decent one, maybe even enraged. But no, those lack the emotional depth to the sea of rage I feel bubbling inside my belly. No, I’m not angry. I’m fucking FURIOUS with you.”
“Well, that’s good! For a second I thought you were angry about the whole wrapping you up in duct tape thing.” He paused for a moment. “Or the kidnapping thing. Or the stealing your car to go out on a date thing.” Kel droned on, listing all the reasons why his brother should be angry with him. There was no harm in it, after all, he promised that he wouldn’t get angry. Aubrey, not being a dumbass, saw how red Hero was turning.
“Uh, I think he gets it Kel,” Aubrey said, trying to shut him up before he dug the hole any deeper.
“- And stole 200 bucks so I could go on this date with all of you!” He just continued, before noticing Aubrey. “ Huh? Well, he promised he wouldn’t be mad. So…” he looked over to his brother and felt a chill go down his back. Kel was dense, sure, but density was not something that would protect him from his brother. The brother had a murderous aura coming off him in waves. He was very thankful there were no stairs nearby.
“Here’s what your going to do Kel. First, you are going to untie me. Then, you are going to step out from this car, and let me drive ALL OF YOU HOME. After that, I am going to wake up mom and dad, hell, maybe even Sally, and let them know exactly what you were up to tonight.” Hero’s tone left no room for debate, and even Sunny was looking a little scared, and he was famous for being able to deaden his emotions!
“Will you at least sign off on the night driving hours?” Kel asked in a quiet voice, processing the level of hell he had managed to dig himself into.
“Kel, when we get home, I’m going to rip up your learners permit, and set fire to it. Clearly, you are not mature enough to be trusted with a car. Hell, I'm not sure your smart enough to be trusted with a spork!” Hero raved, wiggling harder. “I expect this kind of thing out of Aubrey, not you! And even then, she at least knows when to cut her losses.” He muttered.
Kel, for once in his life, was given a gift. A bit of divine providence from his patron saint of shitty soda, perhaps. His undiagnosed ADHD abated for just long enough, that he was able to think before he spoke.
Kel understood that he was fucked. There was no way out of this, and he would have to pay for this amazing date night. Then again, it seemed like that was over. Aubrey looked dower, Basil looked like he was about to have a heart attack, and Sunny just slumped in his seat. They were having so much fun before all of this, and now it was ruined. He had spent so much time and energy planning this too. Oh well, this was unsalvageable. Or was it?
“Hey, Aubrey?” Kel asked, unlocking the doors as he popped his open. “Can you get out for a moment? I’ll need your help.” That grin was back and brighter than ever. If Aubrey wasn’t so disappointed in their night being cut short, she might of recognized that Kel had an awful idea.
“Okay?” She did so and watched as Kel circled the car, and opened the door where Hero sat. He crouched down, grin growing even wider.
“You know Hero, you make an excellent point. I have done so many things tonight that deserves punishment, and as soon as I get home, I’m doomed.”
“Yes you are, now untie me you-”
“So, what's the harm of digging that hole deeper?”
“Excuse me what?” Suddenly, the tables have turned. Hero searched his brother's expression, and found nothing but sadistic glee in its place. Oh god, Aubrey had been rubbing off on him.
“Well, I’m already screwed, so what's the harm in fucking around a bit more before I payu for my sins?” Kel said with a shrug, then he looked back to his girlfriend, and jerked his head. “Hey, can you pop the trunk for me?”
Aubrey blinked, processing this sudden change of events till she mirrored Kel’s expression. Great, it didn’t take her that long to catch on. “Oh my god, you have never been more attractive.” She said, passing by him as Kel leaned into the car.
“Kel? What are you doing?” Hero asked, anger replaced with confusion as Kel grabbed his shoulders and dragged him out of the car. His bare heels dug grooves into the roadside gravel as Aubrey popped open the trunk with glee.
“Well brother, just giving you a nice place to sleep while we finish our date! Don’t worry, we’ll have you home by morning.” Aubrey grabbed his ankles as they hoisted him up, and deposited him in the trunk. Hero did not look angry anymore, no, he looked rather placid now.
“This isn’t funny Kel.” He stammered out “L-look. If you let me out, I promise I won’t tell anyone! We can let this be water under the bridge!”
“Hmmm. I don’t know if I belive you brother.” Kel stated, strokeing his chin like a cartoon detective. “Don’t worry, you’ll have some company in there until morning!” He said, gestureing to the small trash bag that bulged with dirt and plant life. In the low light, Hero could tell it was a carefully uprooted rose bush, ready for transplant. “We stole that from the old cat lady. Basil wanted it. I heard that spiders lived in rose bushes!”
Kel slammed down the trunk before the first scream started or the thrashing and thumps against the trunk. Aubrey just stared at his smug expression and knew exactly what she wanted to do. After all, that was the most coldblooded, harsh, cruel, hottest thing she had ever seen.
“Okay, now that that’s been dealt with, let's-” his thoughts of pizza were interrupted by the pink-haired teen grabbing him roughly by the collar and kissing him as hard as she could. He yelped as he was pushed onto the tunk but slowly began to return it. Huh, being a delinquent had its perks after all.
Basil watched them through the back window in disbelief and mock disgust. “Jesus Christ. Seriously? Making out on the trunk they just locked Hero in?” He huffed, did they have no shame?
“Wanna make out?” Basil snapped over to Sunny, who was holding up his hood to look him eye to eye. His cheeks were dusted with a hopeful pink, and his eye glimmering in the moonlight. Or maybe that was all the glitter from the pride flag eyepatch he was wearing.
“.....Know what?” Basil said, scooting closer, towering over the cat boy. “I do! Now come here Sunshine~”
Hero didn’t know how long he had spent in that murky darkness, but he knew that he was going to die in it. He could feel the phantom spiders crawling on him, waiting to burrow into his body and lay their eggs in his tasty flesh. This was it. The end of the line. “I’m going to see you soon, Mari…” He whispered, closing his eyes and accepting his fate.
Until he heard the truck unlock, then open with a pop. The figure, outlined in the streetlights, raised its weapon high. Ah, it was false hope. Kel had come to finish the job after all. “Finish me off, for I am already dead….”
He closed his eyes tight and waited for the blow, but the blow never came. He felt small hands prod him for a bit, before holding something cold to his skin. Opening a single eye, he realized it was Sunny, cutting him free of his tape prison.
“Sunny? Oh thank god. One of you had the common sense not to leave me to die out here.” Hero moaned in relief. ‘I must have been in there for hours!”
“30.” Sunny monotoned, trying to focus on the thick layer of silver tape, and not the conversation.
“Hours?”
“Minutes,” Sunny said, a slight smirk on his face. He would admit, it was sorta funny if mean to stuff Hero in the trunk. “At Pizzaball.”
“Huh?” Hero craned his neck, looking over the edge of the trunk, to see an old-school diner. It was empty, save for the children who had betrayed him, and what appeared to be a few drunken sorority girls, from the way they staggered about. One was having an animated conversation with Aubrey. Thankfully, from the gesturing, and the older girl’s electric green locks, it seemed to be about dyed hair. Basil was eating with Kel, and laughing at some kind of dumb joke. Pizzaball was emblazoned in neon letters upon the overhanging sign in the window. ‘Oh. The last stop of your little date night.” He grumbled. ‘When I get out of here, I’m going to-”
“Hero.” Sunny stopped, looking like he was visibly struggling to speak. “Don’t.”
“EXCUSE ME!?!” Sunny sighed as Hero erupted. It was too late for this, and a kitty was not qualified to deal with a man's mental breakdown. “Kel stole my car, stole my money, kidnapped me, and stuffed me in a trunk that COULD have spiders in it!”
“I know. He was wrong,” Sunny conceded, continuing to free Hero from his silver prison. “He's trying to cheer us up.”
“Cheer you up?! Why?” Her scoffed. “You all seem perfectly happy with each other.”
“We are. Other people not so much.” Sunny replied.
Hero, poised to spew bile, stopped. “Sunny, what do you mean other people.” Sunny didn’t respond. He knew that the teen didn't like to speak, and he would normally never push. But despite his current loathing of his brother's impulsivity, it was in his nature to worry about them. Even his shitstain of a brother. “Sunny.”
“Not accepting…” he muttered, slowing down a bit. That small frown grew for a moment, but Sunny stuffed it back down, going back into stoicism.
“You mean like the church right?” He knew that their unique relationship would turn some heads, but he had never considered it that big of a deal. He had seen stranger ones at college, and besides, anyone who had grown up with the kids would have known it was a 50/50 chance they would end up in a polyamorous relationship.
“Yea…and uh…our parents.” This was news to Hero. Although disappointing, he could see it easily. They were an old-fashioned bunch. “Aubrey took it the hardest. Sad, doubting herself. Planned this with Kel to cheer her up.”
After freeing Hero’s arms, Hero pilled himself into a sitting position, hunched over a bit so his head wouldn’t hit the trunk. It looked like Sunny had expected Hero to lunge at him or something. Hero couldn’t believe it, but he could feel that anger he was holding onto waning. Sure, Kel had been a little shit, but he would have gone just as far for Mari. God damn it, how did Aubrey keep angry!? He sighed, resigning himself to his fate.
“.....I’m assuming you want me to let you four finish your date?” Sully looked up, nodding. Hero just rubbed his eyes. ‘Fine…fine no use breaking it up. It’s almost over.”
“Softie.”
“What was that?”
“Nothing.”
“Yea that’s what I thought…” Hero muttered as Sunny made himself busy with the duct tape. He wasn’t wrong. He was more concerned about the lack of support these kids were getting. He was going to have a long, harsh conversation with his folks about acceptance. “Net time you and Kel plan a date, you think you could consult me so I don’t get locked in a truck again?
The way Sunny froze up just proved his hunch correct. Kel was a fantastic kid, but attention to detail and foresight was not his strong suit. Also, as tough as he liked to act for Aubrey, he was a boy scout. He wouldn’t have the criminal instinct to pull this off by himself. He would need someone else helping him, and perhaps giving him all the credit. “...Kel did it all.”
“You're a good boyfriend for giving him all the credit.” Hero grinned slyly, knowing his human ears were turning red under the cat ones. “ Mari used to make some of my baked goods. She wanted me to get more credit for my cooking.”
He laughed at the expression on Sunny’s face, a mix of shock and betrayal painting his features. Had he been lied to his entire childhood? Was Hero a shit cook?! “Oh wipe that look off your face Sunny. It was only stuff I had a hard time mastering. Not all of it. I’m just saying it runs in the Suzuki bloodline.”
Sunny muttered something about betrayal as he cut the last of the duct tape away, leaving him in just his now sticky PJ’s. Hero took the offered slippers and put them on his bare feet. Only Sunny would have thought of a detail like that. “Thank you.”
“You’re welcome….pizza?” Sunny asked, jerking a thumb towards the stupidly named restaurant.
“Sure.” Hero sighed, imagining the cries of pain from his wallet as Kel spent his hard-earned money. “I can’t believe I’m letting Kel get away with this. Maybe I am a softie,” he said with a chuckle
“.....blackmail,” Sunny said with a smug little grin, walking away. His tail swayed as he made his way inside before Hero.
“Blackmail?” Hero repeated lamely, his goody-two-shoes brain not making the obvious connections that it should have. “Blackmail.” He said it again. The meaning sank in a bit deeper as he thought about it. Huh, Kel would have a hard time saying no to him now, wouldn’t he? After all, what kind of sibling would he be if he let his brother stray down a path such as this? Sure, Hero wasn’t a rat, but his brother didn’t know that. Looks like he was out of chore duty for the next few years after all. “Heh….It’ll be nice coming home to a clean room for once,” he muttered, making his way inside. Oh, he would show his brother what a softie he could be
After all, there would be plenty of time to plan his brother's torment later. Right now he wanted a slice and a few games.
They passed silently into the night after that. Wearing themselves out, they were all crammed into the backseat, cuddling each other. Hero looked through the rearview mirror and sighed. He had worried, in the wake of the truth, that nothing would ever be the same after that. He was right, nothing could go back to the way it was, however, he could argue it was for the better.
There were rough patches, sure, but now they were all closer than ever. In more ways than one. He worried sometimes that there would be a day, in the near future, when they would no longer need him. Where he would no longer be their surrogate older brother, and grow past his help. He shook his head, wondering where all these mopy thoughts were coming from?
He put a hand in his pocket, fiddling with a scrap of paper containing a number from a rather cute waitress working at the diner. Everything was different, nothing was the same, but that didn’t mean he had to be scared of it. He could be abandoned, sure, but there was no way to know until that point was reached. So he just kept driving, knowing there were miles to go before he slept.
Unknown to him, as he passed the graffiti they had painted earlier that evening, was another drawing, still wet from when Sunny created it. It was a simple thing, bereft of meaning to most, but vital to a select few. It was a simple lineup of flowers, each in a colored pot. A simple tulip, a blooming cactus, a thick thrush of basil, and a thriving rose bush stood defiant. Standing behind them, looking proud was a girl with the brightest smile and long hair, holding a watering can. In her flowing white gown, she could be mistaken for a ghost, if not for the sheer life she radiated like an aura. The picture would stand, an unknown testament to a long gone friend, with a single, simple sentence under it.
“We continue to grow, under your watchful eye.”