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Sasha didn't want to sleep.
Their small apartment was quiet except for the hum of the air conditioner. Even though car horns honked outside, they couldn't penetrate the walls and reach the house. I think that's partly why Anne fell into a very sweet and peaceful sleep. The same couldn't be said for Sasha.
Sasha was taught to be a soldier. She hadn't even been on Amphibia for a year, but it was ingrained in her. That's why she didn't stop training even when she returned to Earth. She brought her silver sword with her. She clung to it whenever her studies became difficult. Since she could no longer carry a dagger, a knife had taken its place. Her reflexes were still protecting her from everything.
Except one.
Forgetting to close the bedroom door, she went into the kitchen and poured water. Her hands were shaking but she didn't realize it. Although she was moving, her eyes were blank. She put the full glass on the table and squatted in the chair.
Anne didn't know. And she didn't want her to know. The young woman had just emerged from the existential crisis. And it wasn't long after Domino's death. She had so much to think about and Sasha didn't want to bother her with her own spoilage and foolishness. She didn't even understand why she wanted to be her roommate or her partner.
She put her head in her hands and bit her lip. She would shut up even if the headache was killing her. Even if it made her want to vomit all the time. Even if she heard Grime's voice out of nowhere. Even if today was the sixth night she didn't sleep.
She wasn't going to make a—
"Sash?"
Shit!
She suddenly looked up and forced herself to smile when she saw her girlfriend looking at her questioningly.
"Hi babe. Couldn't sleep?"
"Speak for yourself."
Without taking her eyes off her, she sat down on the chair next to Sasha and took her hands. Fuck. Sasha knew how careful Anne was. She would know in...
"How many nights have you not slept?"
...a minute. She sighed.
"Annie, this isn't your—"
"Just answer the question." She stopped. "Please," she added.
"Four."
"And you were thinking of keeping it to yourself?" Sasha averted her eyes.
She promised himself. That she wouldn't tell. But the more those golden eyes hovered over her, offering unconditional help and love, the more her shield cracked. It was Anne, as always. She was the only one who could get behind her walls. And that had never changed.
"I dream about memories. About past. About my parents. About Amphibia. Happy or sad. It doesn't matter. I don't want it. I don't want a single reminder of that place right now. But at the same time, I feel like embracing it all. It's over and done with, right? But that's not how it works!"
When she finally felt her cheeks getting wet, she let her body fall into Anne's embrace and shook with the sobs she had been holding in for a month. She ran het hands through her blonde hair and placed tiny kisses on her head. Her arms were around her waist. She pulled her. Her girlfriend's lavender perfume enveloped her senses.
"I'm here, Sash. I promise I'm here."
"That's the problem. You're getting upset because of my stupid issues."
"Your issues aren't stupid. You're not stupid. C'mere..."
Ann sat her girlfriend on her lap and turned her to face her. Tears glistened on her face under the kitchen light. Her ocean blue eyes were slightly red. Her breathing was ragged. Anne's chest tightened. She had been like this for days and only now did she realize it. She put her arms around her neck.
"Every shard of your being is very important to me. No matter what. Don't say that."
"But—"
"Uh-uh, shush. Annie speaking. I don't know how long this negative self-perception has been around, but I hope I don't have to explain to a medical student that this is not a good thing."
Her lips curled as movement rose from Sasha's chest, which was inches away from hers, and a giggle escaped her mouth.
"Not that bad."
"That bad, Sash. Please don't underestimate. Come with me to Ms. Yves on Tuesday. We'll make an appointment for you, if necessary. I don't want to see you so upset, eating yourself up."
"I'm..."
It was impossible for her to say no when she was looking at her with pleading eyes from an inch away. She lowered her head in defeat.
"Okay. But only for you. I don't want you to be sad anymore."
"Mainly for you. " she sighed.
"Darling, what you want is more important right now."
"I don't know." Her breath tickled the other's chin and words finally left her mouth. "I wish I knew. I don't even know what I feel, let alone what I want. Everything is so complicated, tangled and I..."
The rest didn't come. Her lips had already met the other. Anne didn't know what he was looking for. Sasha himself didn't seem to know either. But as their tongues tasted each other, she pulled the young woman closer and hoped she would find it here.
This was her home after all.