Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Kel walked through the school hallway, smiling and automatically greeting the random classmates he recognized. Without any friends or a friend group, he had to walk alone, surrounded by strangers. He hadn’t gotten much sleep last night, as evidenced by the black circles under his eyes, and only barely caught the school bus. He was thankful that, unlike that infamous Monday when he had to chase the school bus through two towns, he was even able to get to school.

Unknowingly, he had walked straight past his math classroom as he blithely plowed on through the crowded, noisy hallway. He only realized his mistake when he reached the end, where, after a moment of disorientation, he hastily turned back. But by then, the damage was irreparable and he had come in a minute late. He quickly apologized to the disgruntled teacher before taking a seat in the classroom.

Math was no fun. He just had to slog through a dozen questions about surface area and volume with an all-too-enthusiastic group and pretend to help. Next, English. Poetry was quite possibly the most boring topic in English, right up there with analysis of random 19th century authors. He jotted down a few notes about iambic pentameter, whatever pretentious crap that meant, and stared disinterestedly at the board as the teacher explained metaphors. Or hyperbole. Or assonance. Hell, for all he knew, the teacher was talking about a big pandemic coming to Earth in the year 2020 or something.

The rest of the day was similar as he aimlessly endured the subjects thrown at him. Physics. Spanish. History. Biology. His mind wandered to other places, basketball, exercise, before it inevitably was sucked back into the thing, that black hole he desperately tried to avoid. Hero and his old friends.

Looking into the swirling, messy vortex of emotions inside Kel’s head surrounding everything he had been through, he could only pick out a few.

Sadness, for Mari’s suicide, for his friend group’s subsequent disintegration. For the loss of his brother.

Sympathy, as Hero went through something he could not imagine.

Anger, for Hero leaving him behind, leaving him high and dry in the wasteland left in the wake of Mari’s death, leaving him to deal with the emotional fallout of the suicide he was in no way equipped to deal with.

Then there were a few that were harder to pick out, more sparse, obscured, and repressed.

Jealousy. If he had done the very same, shrouding himself in his blankets, his parents would surely not tolerate it, calling him lazy and accusing him of faking his feelings. Why did Hero get to hide and run away while Kel was left to struggle and drown? Why did he have to be the emotionally strong one? Wasn’t Hero supposed to be older, more mature?

Happiness. His parents were now dedicating more time to him than ever before, having given up on trying to get Hero out of bed. With Hero out of the way, he was now receiving effort and attention, yet, he still didn’t feel the affection, pride or love Hero had gotten by the truckload.

Guilt. Guilt for feeling that sick, selfish, perverse happiness. Guilt for talking and laughing and smiling merrily while Hero was carrying that giant weight, being crushed underneath it. Guilt for thinking he had it hard. Guilt for not trying hard enough to rescue his brother. Guilt for Hero’s state.

Hatred. He hated feeling like this. He hated Mari and Hero for abandoning them. Hell, the entire friend group had, in some way or another, turned their backs on him. He hated his parents for favouring his older brother and making excuses for Hero. He hated school for taking up all of his time. He—he hated himself for being so self-centered, the world didn’t revolve around him, it wasn’t going to stop to allow him to catch up. Himself for not sympathising with others’ pain, he hated himself for hating his friends, for never considering Hero’s perspective, anyone’s for that matter, for not doing anything, anything to help as his world fractured around him, as Mari suffered in silence, and how many signs has he ignored, how many opportunities to save the friend group, he just wanted to be saved, he hated it, he hated himself—

“Kel? Kel? Kelsey Rodriguez, can you hear me?” The teacher waved his hand in front of Kel’s face. Kel opened his eyes and jolted, before blinking as his eyes refocused. He didn’t even realize he had squeezed his eyes shut. “You looked like you were… You looked a little, uh, pale there. All you alright?”

Kel saw a beard and a kind face with glasses. Mr. Fisher, the biology teacher, was Kel’s favourite teacher. He always cared for all of his students and was not only forgiving but understanding. Not to mention his lessons could be really fun. “Oh! Sorry, I… I just kinda spaced out there. Uh, sorry.”

Kel felt hot. He noticed his jersey was damp and his skin was slick with sweat. His eyes darted around, before landing on Mr. Fisher’s. He had always thought it was best to make eye contact with teachers.

“Uh… so, could you r-repeat what you just said, uh, sir? I, um, didn’t quite catch that…” Kel stuttered, his usually loud voice failing.

“It’s fine, Kelsey. Do you need to go to the bathroom or anything?”

“N- uh, yes please…”

“Alright. Just one thing, could you meet me after class?”

“Uh… Uh, o-okay,” Kel awkwardly stood up, before dashing out the classroom door and towards the bathroom.

Locking himself inside of a stall, Kel leaned against the bathroom wall and groaned. He felt sick, as if his stomach were a whirlpool and his head was burning. He opened his eyes as large as he could before blinking quickly. He walked out of the stall, splashing his face with cold water from the sink, and slapped on his big trademark smile before returning to the classroom.

“Sorry! J-just had a small stomach ache. It’s all fine now.” Kel grinned and sat down, shoving that whirlpool of feelings down into the depths of his subconscious. The class passed quickly, all the while Kel made sure to catch himself from thinking about… that.

Before he even knew it, the class bell rang and he stood up to leave. Before he could though, the teacher called him.

“Uh, hello! Uh, sir.” Kel smiled as casually as he could, turning to face the teacher, again, keeping eye contact. It still came out a little stiff. He berated himself mentally for that.

“Kel… Kelsey. Do you have anything you would like to tell me before we… eh, begin?” Mr. Fisher said after the rest of the students had filed out of the classroom.

“N… no,”

“You can tell me anything, Kel. I will keep this conversation discrete. Nothing to say?”

“No, sir,” Kel hesitated before answering. He looked down at the desk. Though his response was more confident, it felt like something was gnawing on his insides, begging to come out, begging him to tell the teacher. Why was he being so secretive and stubborn? Mr. Fisher said Kel could trust him. He could finally get the support he had wished with all of his heart for during his many long, sleepless nights, but something stopped him from spilling all of his emotions to the teacher.

Mr. Fisher picked up a notebook sitting on the desk and sighed, producing a pen and writing something on it. “You know, it’s my responsibility, my job, to help my students and to keep them happy and healthy. Your… What concerns me as of right now is your emotional and umm… mental well-being. Kel, there’s no denying it. I’ve heard good things about you from your previous teachers, and you were much more… bright when I saw you last year. But recently, your grades have been faltering… even more than before… and you seem to be anxious and tired much more often.” Mr. Fisher paused.

“Yes,” Kel didn’t know how to respond.

“I’ll need a little bit more than ‘ yes’ . I’m quite aware of this problem, and I need something to go off of. I want to be able to support you not just academically, but on a more… emotional level.”

“It’s fine. I-It’s nothing.” Kel guessed he should apologize? “Sorry for not paying attention and for… not trying hard enough.”

“Kelsey. I don’t want you to apologize.”

Then what did he want him to do? “I-I’m fine, sir, really… I’m just a little bit stressed…” He lied, hoping to get out as soon as possible.

“Why? Do you have any ways to cope with the stress?”

“U-uh… I go out for walks every other day… I play basketball… I’m managing it… It’s fine…”

Mr. Fisher pinched the bridge of his nose, pushing up his glasses. “Alright, Kel… Are you sure you’ll be alright?”

“Yes, sir,” relief filled Kel’s head, but only for a second. 

“Goodbye, Kelsey, hope you have a good day.” As he walked out of the classroom with his bag, he noticed he felt worse than ever before.

Chapter Text

Kel sank into his bed, shrugging off his backpack and hearing it hit the floor with a satisfying klunk . He felt terrible. It was like he was drowning, struggling to breathe in an ocean of despair. He wanted to give up, to just lay on the bed forever and rot, but he knew he shouldn’t. He couldn’t. Otherwise, Hero would have nobody to rely on. Mom and dad… who knew how they would react? He would continue.

He pushed away the vaguely suicidal thoughts. He pushed himself up and stood by Hero’s bed.

“Hero?” He called. Like so many times before. “Hero… Please, get up.”

The pile of blankets twitched ever so slightly. It was an improvement, at least, better than the seemingly petrified lump on Hero’s bed.

“Hero. We all need you.” Kel sat on the edge of the blue bed, the dim light reflecting off the shiny golden trophies surrounding it. “Please. I… need help. We all do.”

He shifted uncomfortably, daring not to get too close to Hero. Kel cleared his throat. “Can you even hear me? Hero, please, just respond…” Seeing no reaction, he continued. “I can’t stand to see you like this. I won’t stand for seeing you like this. Mom won’t, dad won’t.” Deep down, he knew his parents wouldn’t help. They didn’t care as much, didn’t care like he did about his brother. “I want my big brother back. I know you’re going through a lot, and it might be selfish of me to say this, but I’m going through a lot as well.”

Tears were brought to his eyes. “Please, Hero… I want you back… We need you…”

No response.

“I can’t stand this! I can’t do this every day, you need to do something… It’s almost been a year…”

Nothing. Hero was dead to the world, uncaring of his little brother’s problems and worries.

“Anything. Just say anything…”

Kel was nearing a breaking point. He didn’t know it, but Hero was as well.

He sighed, forcing himself to calm down. He’d try another time.

“G-Goodbye, Hero…”

He should get some fresh air.

Opening the door, he walked out of the dark room, rubbing his eyes. He took a deep breath before heading towards the park.

That swirling, messy vortex was creeping into his mind again, throwing off his brain. He couldn’t score one shot at the hoop.

“Look at Kel, the idiot. I didn’t know he was that bad.” Some girl snickered.

Kel ignored it, electing to shut his eyes and shoot again. It missed, hitting the backboard and bouncing out at him.

“That was terrible! Well, to be expected, really, given how retarded he is.” A different girl openly laughed. One whose voice he recognized.

Kel whipped around. Aubrey and one of her friends. She was wearing her normal varsity jacket and her hair was a vibrant pink. The other one was wearing a blue hoodie and she had half-shaved brown hair.

“Knock it off, Aubrey. Go away.” Kel hooked the basketball under his right arm.

“Why should we?”

“Just… Go away.”

“...”

“Please, Aubrey, I can’t deal with this now. Get out.”

“Make us.”

“DAMMIT AUBREY! LEAVE ME ALONE! You’ve bothered us enough!” Kel burst out, throwing his basketball away and walking towards her. “I bet the reason Sunny isn’t coming out and Basil is a nervous wreck is because of you! How annoying can you be, you’re literally tearing apart your old friends. Can’t you just leave us alone for once instead of being a bitch?”

Aubrey was taken aback. Stepping back, her face was a mixture of surprise, anger and… was that fear?

“You keep on complaining that we abandoned you, yet you’ve went and formed a fucking gang, just to terrorize Basil! Do you have any idea what I have to deal with? Hero barely even fucking moves. Unlike you, I don’t fucking bitch to everyone I see that, oh, mY fRiEnDs LeFt mE bEhInD!” Kel was still breathing heavily, his actions still not having registered.

Aubrey whispered something to her friend and hastily ran off the basketball court, sneaking backwards glances at Kel.

Kel took a few moments to recollect himself, before turning to leave Faraway Park.

Once he had come back home, though, he realized he had nothing else to do. The teachers were being especially mean and hadn’t given him any homework for him to mindlessly distract himself with. He checked the fridge, pulled out some ham and cheese and slapped together a sandwich. He tossed it on a plate and the plate in the microwave. After a few dozen seconds, he took it out and returned to his room, mumbling a small greeting to his mom, sitting on the couch.

Within a few seconds, he had devoured the sandwich whole and, for the second time that day, he collapsed face-first onto his bed. He suddenly felt so tired, his body weighed down by months of stress and pressure.

His tears spilled out and stained the sheets, though they remained underneath him. When his parents woke him up, they would surely think that it was just saliva; Haha, look at Kel! He’s drooling in his bed! What an idiot!

His head felt like it was going to implode. The thought that he was completely alone in his suffering covered the already barren situation with a new layer of pain. Sunny didn’t have to go to school, he could just stay home and not be bothered by anybody. Basil had his grandma whom he could confide in. Aubrey had her new goddamn gang. He was completely alone, stumbling around in the dark, with people and places he used to find a source of joy and protection now either triggers for dark thoughts he couldn’t repress or corrupted, tainted by grief and pain and horror.

Kel couldn’t breathe. So he held his breath until he could hold it no longer, then again, then again, straining his lungs and drowning his sorrow, until sweet unconsciousness took him, a temporary relief from the harsh reality and bleak truth.

Inevitably, he would have to wake up again and face the endless torture of life. He wished he could just close his eyes and fall asleep forever.

He imagined a new world.

Where he wouldn’t have to face the unmoving pile of blankets that was Hero.

Where he wouldn’t have to face the boundless monotony of school.

Where he wouldn’t have to face the probing eyes of Mr. Fisher and his parents.

Where he wouldn’t have to face the shambles of his once-thriving friend group.

Where he wouldn’t have to face Mari’s headstone.

Chapter Text

Welcome to Safespace.

You can relax here for as long as you want.

Kel opened his eyes. He saw only white.

Sitting up, he looked around, seeing he was lying on an orange shag carpet. Hector was sleeping on the corner of it, with a basketball hoop stationed at the end of the carpet. He noticed that there was no basketball nearby.

Kel blinked. Everything besides Hector, his jersey and the carpet was white. He took deep breaths, nothing feeling real in this hypnagogic world his mind had conjured up. He assumed he was dreaming, but he didn’t usually have similar vivid dreams, much less lucid dreams. His mind felt like it was stuffed with cotton, his cognitive processes slowed, unlike his usual waking state. He knew he had ADHD and was constantly restless during the day, but this mysterious dream made him feel truly relaxed, in a way he hadn’t felt in years.

Kel noticed there was a smile pasted on his face that he couldn’t shake. The smile took no effort.

He lay back down, reveling in the softness of the mattress. Hector, somehow awake now, lay beside him. Kel didn’t have the energy to question it.

Somehow, he knew that he could end this dream whenever he wanted. But shouldn’t he relish this comfortable dream while it lasts?

-

Alright. He must’ve lay here for a good hour, and if his comics were to be trusted, a minute of dream time would be five times that in real time.

Plus, he couldn’t leave Hero to his own devices. And waste a perfectly good weekend.

Kel stood up, dusting off his shorts, boredom eclipsing his perpetual state of drowsiness.

He walked off the carpet and onto the pure white floor. He felt like he was floating. The feeling was intensely unnerving. He reached a hand out, as if he saw something that wasn’t there, and he grasped something metal and large. In front of him, a large white door appeared from thin air, the silver brass knob fitting within his hand.

Kel turned it, opening the door, but there was nothing behind it. It was still the same white stretching forever, in every direction. Until he walked through the non-existent doorway.

His surroundings abruptly turned black. The sky— or ceiling, really— had giant red cracks stretched over its vast expanse.

The fissures spread onto the floor. The door behind him crumbled and disintegrated, the dust turning crimson as it drifted away. The carpet caught fire, the flames an ominous blood red as the patches of black around him started to crumble like boulders tumbling from a loose ceiling. He ran, but nothing seemed to change, as there were no more landmarks to track his progress, only the web of ever-growing cracks around his feet. Suddenly, the floor was taken out from beneath him, patches falling and breaking. Kel literally fell through the ground as his dream crumbled before him.

There was a long period of black. He felt nothing, no pain, no feeling— until he opened his eyes.

Kel was surrounded by shattered mirrors. He looked down and saw no body. The mirrors, or rather fragments, each reflected a younger self.

Kel playing basketball with Hero.

Kel bickering with Aubrey.

Kel battling Sunny at video games.

Each shard fell away to nothing, revealing twisted versions of himself all around him in place of the mirrors. They advanced, a fake smile on each of their faces that looked wrong somehow. He tried to run, but his legs wouldn’t move, and he heard haunted whispers coming from every direction, all laced with venom.

“Everyone is suffering. Yet you do nothing to help.”

“You’re useless. What do your parents think of you?”

“Hero is rotting, and you’re wallowing in your self pity.”

“You deserve this after everything you’ve done.”

“Your friends are better off without you. You’re annoying, and everyone knows it.”

“Mr. Fisher pities you. All your new friends will abandon you soon, once they get to know you better.”

Then Kel was falling again.

Chapter Text

Kel sat up from the bed, his eyes shooting open and the covers discarded. He breathed a sigh of relief, desperately trying to wave away the whispers that still rang through his head, reverberating and repeating themselves until they seared themselves into his mind—

He took a deep breath, the visions of crimson cracks and shattered mirrors still behind his eyes, a ghostly afterimage that lingered through his waking hours.

Kel dropped to the floor. It looked as if he woke up before 6. Or his mom finally let him rest like she had Hero. He checked his calendar and clock. Wednesday, 5:23 am.

He sighed, pushing open the door, and deciding not to brush his teeth or eat breakfast. What was the point? He wasn’t hungry, and his teeth were fine. Everything was fine.

Kel walked to school like every other day, lugging his heavy bag on his back, the gray early morning skies dulling the sunlight, the chilly morning air suffocating him, invading his lungs and filling it with cotton. He felt short of breath, as if he were drowning.

He stuck in a pair of earbuds and played his music as he arrived at school, the song drowning out the noise of his classmates, the voice of his teachers. They faded, turning into a distant buzz that he couldn’t hear.

All around me are familiar faces, worn-out places, worn-out faces…

He walked past somebody he thought he knew in the hallway, not even bothering to spare him a glance or a smile. The school he knew so well seemed monochromatic, the endless bustle of the crowd monotone, as if someone had drained the saturation and sound from his surroundings.

Bright and early for their daily races, going nowhere, going nowhere…

Kel stood at the board with his group mates. He didn’t know how he got there, as if there were a gap in his memory. He answered a question, then another, a seemingly endless stream of busywork serving to occupy him. What did it matter? All of them had grasped the concept and had even learned more advanced techniques last year.

He looked out the window. He thought about how Sunny would do this every day. The view was of the running track winding around the basketball court. He saw the small figures dribbling the ball to and fro, speeding along the track, in circles, again and again…

Hide my head, I want to drown my sorrow…

Kel sat in the far corner of the cafeteria. Some kids bigger than him, looking to be about eleventh grade, came up to Kel. He paused the music, crushing, unfamiliar silence suddenly filling his ears.

“You’re Henry’s little brother, right?”

Kel bristled at the sound of his name. He also noticed that they only thought of him as the little brother. Even though it made sense for Hero’s friends to only know him due to his relationship to Hero, it still hurt.

“Yes.” He simply responded.

“He’s been… absent… for around a year now… We’ve actually been kinda worried. Has he left for boarding school without telling us?”

There was some discussion among the students. “He would tell us. This is Henry we’re talking about.” “If his little brother’s here, he couldn’t have moved anywhere, could he have?” “I really need his help for this test… What the hell is phosphite again?” “Does it have to do with that Mari girl? I heard he had a huge crush on her.”

“He… hasn’t been feeling well lately.” The little white lie and the mention of Mari caused tears to come to his eyes. He hoped the other kids wouldn’t notice. He saw Hero, lying in bed and unresponsive behind his eyes. He saw Hero’s face, streaked with tears and carrying a weight only he would know.

Mari was the name that caused everyone in the friend group to flinch. But Hero only caused him to.

“He hasn’t been feeling well for a year? Yeah, right. Tell us the truth, kid,” One of the more intimidating ones pushed up to his table.

“I said, he hasn’t been feeling well.” Kel closed his eyes, determined to not let the tears leak through.

“Clint, calm down. Hey, uh… are you… crying?” a soft-spoken, tall student said.

Shit.

“Go away.” His voice cracked. “Hero’s absent because of… personal… issues…”

“What? What kind of issues?” Clint probed.

“Personal issues, idiot,” The tall student responded, pushing him backwards. “Give him some space. I don’t think he’s in a good… emotional state right now… we should ask the teachers instead…”

They cleared out, one by one, the tall kid shooting one last backwards glance at Kel.

Kel had buried his head in his arms. His shoulders shook and unseen tears ran down his face. The tall kid wanted to help, somehow, but he didn’t know how. Hesitantly, he left.

And I find it kinda funny

I find it kinda sad

The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had…

Kel didn’t want this. He didn’t want to live anymore. Why couldn’t he have the choice for once? He was just so damn tired of this whole ride, he just wanted to give up and… and…

He knew he couldn’t, though. For now, he had to stay with Hero and his parents. Who knows what they would do if he decided to… stop?

…and would he even have the willpower? Did he want the responsibility of this decision?

He knew he was alone. There was no cavalry to save him.

I find it hard to tell you

I find it hard to take

When people run in circles it’s a very very

Mad World

Kel opened his eyes, making sure nobody saw his breakdown of sorts.

Mad World

He wiped his tears away, making sure to leave no marks.

Mad World

He gulped down his lunch as quickly as he could.

Mad World

Taking a deep breath to recollect himself, he put on a smile.

The day continued on, with or without him. No matter what he thought or felt.

Thoughts of Hero, shrouded in blankets, still haunted his mind. But Kel forced himself to continue.

Hour after hour.

Day after day.

Week after week.

Month after month...

Chapter Text

Weekends.

A brief respite from the drowning feeling of school.

Kel found himself sitting at the table, with nothing to do. He had already played a quick game of basketball with random people at the park and ran some errands in the morning and afternoon.

He had exhausted all of his normal activities. His dad was probably on the couch, relaxing after a week of work. Kel wondered whether he felt the same drowning sensation every Monday. He munched on his tasteless Hero sandwich.

Kel didn’t know what to do. Everything was pointless. His happiness had been taken from him.

Without his friends or his brother, he had nothing left.

He sat there, not doing anything at all, just blankly staring at the wall opposite.

After a few hours, Kel stood up. He still had his brother left, didn’t he? Aubrey couldn’t even look at him without spouting racial slurs. Basil was a nervous wreck and somehow managed to avoid him at all times. Sunny, well, his door stayed shut and locked.

Kel mentally prepared himself. He had tried to convince Hero to get up before, mostly right after the incident, but his attempts became few and far between as time went on.

But this time he wouldn’t stop until Hero had a reaction. Anything at all. He just wanted his brother back.

Kel was trapped, unable to vent to anyone else without being ridiculed and told to ‘suck it up’.

Hero would listen, he knew. Kel scaled the stairs resolutely, opening the door and pushing his way into the dark room.

He took a deep breath.

“Hey. Hero.”

The slightest shift in Hero’s breathing pattern gave away the fact that he was awake and listening.

“It’s the weekend, so… I’ve got nothing to do. It’s gotten pretty boring, without… everybody else. I’m sure I’ve told you this before… Basil’s riddled with anxiety, he can’t even meet my eyes. Aubrey’s… changed, for the worse. As for Sunny, well, one day, he went into his house and never came out again.”

No response.

“I know you’re awake there, Hero. Please, just respond.”

Silence. What did Kel expect? Sunshine and rainbows?

“I… I really need some help…”

“With schoolwork?” Hero’s voice was quiet and scratchy.

Kel took a moment to recollect himself from the surprise. Hero had spoken? He hadn’t at all in the last four or five months, as far as he knew. He didn’t care about his schoolwork, most of his grades were failing anyway.

“No. Just… with everything.”

Hero was back to being silent.

“Hero, please, I really can’t keep going on like this.”

Nothing. Again. So apparently, Hero was only willing to help him with work. Something festered within Kel.

“Hero… I can’t bear to see you like this. Nor can mom and dad.”

…

“We need you. It’s nearly been a year now.”

…

“C’mon. Just something, I need something…”

Why was Hero being so damn stubborn?

“Please! Hero, get up, I’m begging you…”

Hero still wasn’t budging. Kel wasn’t going to sit down and take this.

“Hero… you’re being selfish. We have been suffering too, just as much as you. Mari wouldn’t want to—”

Hero was up in an instant, blankets thrown across the floor, his eyes alight in fury and his figure looming in front of Kel.

Kel backed away, fear seizing his heart.

“You think you’ve been suffering? You think you deserve all of our pity?” Hero yelled, the sound filling the room. “You’re fucking clueless Kel, you have no clue what I’ve been through! You think this is some kind of joke? Like Mari’s fucking suicide was something that was meaningless to you? You don’t understand, SHE’S DEAD. DEAD AND GONE FOREVER.”

He advanced, pressing Kel backwards, against the wall. Tears streaked down both of their faces.

“You’ve been complaining to me every day for the last fucking year! Stop fucking being so goddamn annoying! You’re all over here in your Kel world where everything is great and the only thing that matters is you, yourself, and your happiness!” Hero was right in Kel’s face now, towering over the boy. His voice was so hoarse from months of disuse that it sounded like sandpaper. His tone was low and threatening. “Don’t you ever talk to me about Mari, you fucking know-it-all, and SUCK IT UP.”

Those words sent Kel over the edge. The bubbling rage had erupted like a volcano, his eyes now pouring tears and staining his cheeks. He seemed to turn red, speechless, and his eyes had hardened into steel.

Their parents burst into the room, having heard the shouting.

“Everything is great? Suck it up? ” Kel slammed a palm into Hero’s chest, causing him to stumble backwards a bit.

“Yes! Suck it the fuck up because you don’t deserve anyone’s care! You’re a fucking retard and you know it. You’re a fucking nuisance, constantly dragging me down with your homework which you’re too dumb to understand. I WISH IT WERE YOU INSTEAD OF MARI!” Hero was screaming at this point, before he seemed to break down.

Kel’s parents rushed to comfort Hero, now sobbing on the blue bed. Kel was bursting with rage and hatred, his own brother’s words echoing his nightmares, similarly reverberating around his skull. He ran out of the room, now cast with dancing shadows.

“KELSEY! HOW DARE YOU HIT YOUR BROTHER?! GET BACK HERE!” His dad thundered as Kel ran into the kitchen.

Eyes twisted with determination and grief, he flung open a kitchen drawer and grabbed the first knife that he saw, ignoring the clatter of cutlery that hit the floor. He tore through the house and out the front door like a bullet, legs carrying him faster than ever as he raced down the twilit streets of Faraway. He didn’t know where his subconscious was taking him until he stopped, instantly recognizing the dark waters of the secret hangout spot.

Clutching the knife so hard his knuckles turned white, he took a moment to gather himself, as tears openly flowed down his cheeks, Hero’s words etching themselves into his every memory. Now, demons clawed at his mind as he hyperventilated, struggling to breathe while being drowned.

He examined the knife through blurry vision.

This would do.

.

.

.

To be continued.

Chapter Text

Hero sat on his bed, desperately trying to wipe away his tears while his parents tried to comfort him, to no avail. They didn’t know what he was thinking.

He had yelled at Kel.

His baby brother he had promised to love.

And he had forsaken that promise.

His own words reverberated around his skull. He was sure Kel’s head was similarly spinning. His insults… retard… nuisance…

How could he be so blind, so senseless, so selfish?

This was collateral damage. He wasn’t the only victim. Mari’s suicide had shocked and broken everyone around her.

Everybody suffered. Nobody won.

He imagined Kel, screaming insults at him just as Hero had.

He wasn’t sure if he could face him again. At least, not right now. There was always tomorrow. And his brother would be there, and they could clear everything up. He would have to beg for his forgiveness once their moods calmed down. Move past Hero’s immature and idiotic behavior. Move past this whole incident.

But something tugged at his gut, telling him something wasn’t right.

The blankets felt so warm.

.

.

.

Do you want to stay?

> Yes

   No

Chapter Text

Do you want to stay?

> Yes

Hero lay down in his nest of blankets, tears pouring down his face and staining the blankets. He would deal with everything tomorrow. He was too weak, too flawed, too tired…

.

.

.

Kel’s breathing quickened as he turned the knife over in his hands. He felt so alone.

No, he was alone.

Might as well?

Why else did he take the knife?

He knew nobody cared. That was the only string tethering him to his life. And it had finally snapped.

He was free.

If anybody did care, then he knew this would be the ultimate way to hurt them, leave them with everlasting guilt and cripple them forever. If not to be free, he would die just out of spite. If not out of spite, out of guilt.

Just this one decision. He just wanted some control over this miserable story he called life.

Suddenly, he started giggling. The feeling of unimaginable freedom and the fact that he wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore filled him with elation. If he was reincarnated, he could start a new life, away from all of this. If there was nothing after death, he would simply rest.

Words tore out of his throat. “This is what you wanted, Hero. You did this. Mom and dad did this. This is their fault.”

The giggles turned into uncontrollable, mad cackling. His lungs struggled and his chest burned, but he couldn’t stop. He looked into the future if Mari hadn’t made the decision to off herself.

“And they will pay for what they have done.”

Friendships could have been developed. Connections could have been made. Crushes could have been turned into something so much bigger. He drowned in the overwhelming wave of sorrow that followed, engulfing his head and mind.

Thoughts of what could’ve been drowned him, until he shook with pure emotion and he could barely hold the knife. His mad, almost unhinged laughter had turned into sobbing.

There was one way to escape this hell. He had nothing to lose. Hero was gone. His parents were gone. His friends were gone.

Mari was gone.

All he was left with was a feeling of emptiness and utter exhaustion. He was just so, so tired…

He raised the knife above his head slowly, holding it with a reverse grip. He resolved to pull the knife out afterwards, hoping to bleed out faster. Sweat beaded his brow as he looked down at the orange jersey covering his stomach.

Tears left a clear mark on his cheeks.

He kneeled down.

His knuckles turned white.

He swallowed.

Kel took a deep breath and squeezed his eyes shut.

.

.

.

He plunged the knife into his stomach.

At first he felt nothing, just the forbidden sound of metal in flesh, before a sharp, blinding pain shot through his abdomen.

He felt himself scream in pain as he keeled over, hands still clutching the handle as if it were his only lifeline. He used the little consciousness he had left to pull the knife out.

Instantly, he felt warmth rush out of him, like water down a drain. It spilled out onto the grass next to him, tainting the soil. He felt his body convulse, and his body seemed far away, as if he was looking at his own vision through a doorway.

He couldn’t breathe. He couldn’t move. He was lying with a broken body, covered in blood, where his friends used to play.

His vision faded. The knife lay by him, discarded but stained crimson.

His breaths became ragged and shallow. He tasted something metallic. Something bubbled in his throat.

He saw something far away. He saw Mari, ghostly white and pristine, walk up to his body and kneel down in front of it, her face out of sight.

Kel stopped breathing, his unseeing eyes looking towards the distance.

-

“Hey, Henry?” He heard his mom shout from downstairs.

He groaned, rolling onto his back in his covers. Footsteps hurried up the stairway.

His mom burst into the room, out of breath.

“Hero. Hero. Kel opened a kitchen drawer when he ran away.”

“Yeah?” Hero flinched at Kel’s name.

“That drawer had the knives. And we’re missing one.” His mom was frantic.

Hero bolted upright. “So… he took a knife? And ran?”

“...” His mom stayed silent for a second. “Yes.”

Hero threw off his covers and ran out of the room.

“Henry. Wait a second, think about—”

“My brother needs saving. I can’t think about it.”

With that, Hero sprinted down the stairs two at a time, his atrophied legs straining under the sudden force. He ignored the pain shooting up his ankles and ran out, without bothering to put on a coat.

His parents followed behind him, trying to keep up with his blistering pace, surprising after his year of no exercise.

Where would Kel go? Where would go to commit sui— he stopped the thought there. The very idea made him want to vomit.

He blinked away the tears that he didn’t know had collected in his eyes. His mind directed him to one place.

He burst through the trees, haphazardly knocking over road block signs and saw the blue water of the lake glittering in the moonlight.

The moon seemed to be shining like a spotlight on a figure, lying recumbent on the grass. Hero’s vision became blurry as the metallic smell of blood hit his nose. He stepped forward uneasily, catching sight of a knife, the blade coated with a thick layer of dried blood.

Kel’s jersey was stained, looking almost jet black in the dim moonlight. Hero kneeled over the corpse. Kel’s face was contorted in pain and his eyes stared off into the distance. Blood dribbled out of the corner of his mouth. Hero’s brain seemed to shut down as tears dripped onto his little brother’s body. The knife lay just out of reach of Kel’s right hand and his left was draped over the stomach wound.

This was his fault.

Kel’s voice seemed to scream in his mind, repeating the same thing over and over.

Your fault. Your fault. Your fault.

He caused this. He pushed him over the edge. He missed everything, repeating the same mistake he had with Mari.

He had promised himself after Mari’s suicide that he wouldn’t let the same thing happen to anybody else.

He stared at the small, broken body, a beautiful life reduced to a tiny figure. Hero’s parents ran into the hangout spot, catching sight of the corpse. They both gasped in horror. But Hero didn’t care about his parents’ reactions; he was falling endlessly, consumed by guilt, pain, grief.

Bleak horror was weighing on the air, crushing everyone around. His dad dialed 911. His mom sobbed beside him.

Hero felt like he was watching himself, hunched over. Everything was buzzing, his vision turning into nothing more than colors in his eyes, his hearing turning into nothing more than white noise.

Mari’s suicide put him on a precarious cliff. His brother’s threatened to push him over the edge.

Hero blinked. He was sitting on a chair. Blank, white, pristine walls and abrasive cold air greeted him. In front of him was a white bed with a lump in it.

His parents walked in. They looked shell-shocked, with a thousand yard stare.

“Hi, Hero.” His mom said, her empty eyes focusing on her only son. “We just wanted to say. We’re sorry. About everything.”

He didn’t react, staring blankly at the lump in the hospital bed.

His deathbed.

“We’re sorry about how we treated you and… Kel unfairly. I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let you stay like that, and we shouldn’t have pressured your brother so much more. I thought you were just… grieving, and we thought it would be best to leave you be. We didn’t think about how it would affect… him.”

…

“At least we still have… you.”

“Don’t say that. Kel meant the world to me. He was my world. Without him… I can’t go on.”

His parents couldn’t respond.

“And I killed him.”

“No. He provoked the—”

“THIS ISN’T ABOUT CHILDISH BLAMES!” Hero screamed, now standing. Fury burned in his eyes, uncomfortably similar to the fateful argument. “I SNAPPED! I KILLED HIM! I WAS— I AM RESPONSIBLE!”

He grabbed at his hair, expression now manic, a desperate smile across his face. Through blurred vision, he noticed he was taller than his parents now, who backed off slightly.

“Hero, we’re your parents. He’s our responsibility, and we… we failed.”

Hero’s breath quickened. He saw double. He only heard his footsteps ringing through his head.

Sights he knew flashed by as he ran. He didn’t know how far or for how long. His lungs burned and his body ached when he stopped. He realized he had come to his house.

The hospital was a five minute drive from Faraway. Doing some quick math, he figured he had run for almost half an hour.

And he had been completely sedentary for the last year. He felt like his body was an inch from collapsing.

He unlocked the door, and flopped directly onto the floor, feeling as if someone had hollowed out his insides, leaving on the spite, rage, and the torturous, all-consuming pain.

-

Mr. Fisher stood at the front of the auditorium, face grim and solemn. The grade of students were all laughing and chatting with each other.

He cleared his throat, tapping on the mike and calling for everybody’s attention.

“I have a very important announcement for you all. I’d recommend you listen, as this concerns a very serious topic.” His serious tone quelled further giggles in the crowd. “Yesterday, on Sunday, Kelsey Rodriguez has taken his own life and left our world for good.”

There was a stunned silence.

“We send our thoughts and prayers to his family. We hope he is in a better place.”

While Kelsey had no close friends, he was well-known as an easy-going, generally kind person. Nobody had a bad relationship with or impression of him.

The thought of him committing… suicide was unthinkable. He was the happy-go-lucky one, the chaotic one, the funny one.

“Kel… That guy. What happened?” “Why would he… do that?”

There were faint murmurs and shared glances all throughout the crowd. Meanwhile, a group of twelfth grade students shared tense whispers.

“Kelsey. Wasn’t that Henry’s brother? The kid we questioned?” “Did we pressure him too hard? Was it our fault?” “Dammit Clint, look what you did!”

“Hey! I didn’t do jack!”

“I heard from Henry’s closer friends that he was in an official relationship with Mari.”

“Jeez, his girlfriend and his little brother both committed suicide? That’s… rough. Poor guy, he doesn’t deserve that shit.”

“We ain’t gonna be seeing him around any time soon, that’s for sure.”

“There goes my math grades…”

“I actually saw him. Yesterday, at this town’s park. He looked really bad. Like, devastated.”

“Well. That’s kind of expected. I hope he’s okay.”

“He’s definitely not okay.”

“...Yeah. True.”

-

Hero took a deep breath, feeling the air on his face.

He stepped through the path to the secret hangout spot, only to see a pink-haired girl and a gang of teenagers.

“Who’re you?” He growled, uncaring of his unkempt appearance. His hair was wild and his cheeks puffy from crying for hours— no, days on end.

There were red lines running down his arm.

The pink-haired girl turned and narrowed her eyes. “Hero. I should be asking, why are you here?”

“Answer the question.” Hero walked up to her.

“Don’t even recognize me?” She jabbed. “It seems everyone’s forgotten me.”

“Aubrey.” The older boy realized, keeping his tone low. “Why the fuck are you here?”

His eyes were cast with shadows, towering over her. The rest of Aubrey’s gang stood silently, concerned.

Hero never swore. Aubrey hesitated for a moment. “Because this is our hangout spot now. Some fucker’s come and spilled something on the grass.”

His temper flared, eyes an inferno of rage. For the third time. He snapped again.

“Let me tell you something, bitch.” His fury was cold this time.

One of the gang members spoke up. “Hey! Don’t talk to Aubrey like that!” She approached him angrily, ready to fight, but Hero shoved her aside so violently, she was thrown backwards onto the ground. Aubrey started at the sight. This was not the Hero she knew. She noticed Kim’s glasses knocked askew beside her.

“Kel fucking commit suicide. Right here.” Spittle flew from his lips. Aubrey’s eyes widened in shock. “That’s blood. He stabbed himself, and you’re here bickering about your hangout spot. Get out. Now.”

Aubrey was stunned for a moment, both scared and shocked.

“Who do you think you are?” A bearded teen came up to him. “Trying to force us off our own turf?” Hero glared at him in turn.

There was a moment as Hero sized him up.

It happened in a flash; Hero’s fist connected with the teen’s jaw, snapping his head to the side. He stepped forward, sinking another into his stomach. With a hand on the gang member’s chest, Hero took another step and shoved him directly onto his back. Despite his less than ideal condition, he was still much older and larger than anyone else in the group (besides that one girl standing off to the side).

Hero was a demon to Aubrey — entire body bristling with ferocity and eyes dancing with wrath. He was clearly livid, worlds apart from the kind, soft-spoken Hero she remembered from a year ago. The revelation of Kel’s suicide still rang in her ears — no wonder Hero would have such a drastic reaction, especially to her childish-seeming antics. It had been only a few days since she had last talked to Kel, right? And he seemed on-edge, nervous and his temper had gone out of control, just as Hero’s had (It probably ran in the family, she thought).

Her last few words to Kel were calling him a retard. Regret filled her, threatening to spill out, but she would not break down in front of her gang.

Kel was gone. She wouldn’t ever see him again, throwing a basketball to give her a sense of normalcy, smiling to remind her of her lost friendships. She thought back to the many arguments she had with him and realized nothing like that would happen ever again.

‘The Pink Demon’ tentatively started to back away from Hero. Motioning to her gang, she started to run from him.

The hooligans he had knocked down got hesitantly to their feet, shooting a nervous glance back at Hero before following the rest out.

Hero just stood and stared at the spot where Kel was. It was directly next to Mari’s picnic blanket. He shook.

-

Aubrey walked into the church, drawing stares with her loud, ‘vulgar’ pink hair. She had no intention of arguing with the churchgoers though. She clutched her nail bat to appear intimidating as she strode boldly past the rows and rows of pews.

She walked directly past them, pushing her way into the cemetery. She felt the stagnant atmosphere of the graveyard weigh down on her.

Aubrey finally arrived at her destination. Mari’s headstone.

But she shifted her eyes, right onto the next grave. On it were inscribed the words:

KELSEY RODRIGUEZ

1986 - 1999

The world felt alive when he was here.

The truth pressed down on her. Everything she knew, everything she loved was rapidly deteriorating around her, falling apart.

Mari and Kel were dead. Hero was left heartbroken, unstable.

Aubrey sighed and spoke.

“Hi, Mari.”

“I’m sure you already know by now. Kel is dead. I’m really alone. Hero is— Hero’s devastated. He’s just not the same.”

“Kel was a part of the past. I made fun of him. I must’ve been the— last straw or something. He only commit suicide a few days after I bullied him.”

Tears welled in Aubrey’s eyes. She pulled the cyan contacts out, now that she was alone, and wiped away the tears. She turned to Kel’s new gravestone.

“Hello. Kel.”

“I’m… So sorry. I had no idea, although, that’s a really shitty excuse for bullying you into suicide, isn’t it?” She laughed bitterly, her vision starting to blur again. She stayed silent for a moment.

“Kel. I really don’t know how I can apologize. I can’t even make up for it, now that you’ve left us.” Aubrey bit her lip to stop it from quivering. Her voice trembled regardless.

“I… I’m so, so, sorry… I… I shouldn’t have been so… shouldn’t have been such a jerk to you. And now you’re dead, and I’ve got nobody from before the incident. I just wanted you to know that… that you meant so much to me.” Tears poured out from her eyes. They dripped from her chin and onto the grass. She choked, words trapped in her throat.

She felt somebody rub circles in her back, gently comforting her. For a second she thought it was Kel, before her mind quickly shut the idea down. She knew it wasn’t, but she wanted the moment to last.

For a minute, she continued to sob, burying her face in her hands. When her cries waned, she turned back, meeting amber yellow eyes behind red-rimmed glasses.

“That kid playing basketball… that was Kel wasn’t it?”

Aubrey nodded silently.

“Was he an old friend… turned sour?”

“I was the one who turned sour.” She depressedly stared at the headstone.

“I’m… sorry.” Kim paused. “Who was the older kid in the hideout spot?”

“Hero. Kel’s elder brother.”

Kim winced. “Brother committed suicide. That’s tough.”

“Mari also…” Aubrey couldn’t continue.

“So two of your friends… er, offed themselves?”

Aubrey didn’t respond, casting her eyes downwards.

There was silence until she spoke again. “Well, I guess... that’s it then.”

“Regrets can only take you so far…”

“But they show that you care, and that's enough.”

Chapter Text

Do you want to stay?

> No

Hero stood up, shifting his tired vision towards the doorknob.

Every step was a victory. Guilt crushed him, but he resolved to press forward, his determination and worry eclipsing any hesitation.

“Hero? What are you doing?” His mom asked from the living room, sitting next to his dad on the couch.

“I’m… going to find Kel.” He said.

He started to walk at a brisk pace down the twilit streets of Faraway, his eyes fatigued but determined.

Where would Kel go? The Faraway plaza? To Hobbeez, maybe to relax a bit? He had told Hero that the friend group had essentially fallen apart, so the others’ houses weren’t an option.

Maybe the church, but that seemed too sentimental and… symbolic for Kel. He would probably want to be somewhere more concrete, with real memories attached to it.

The only possibility was Faraway park. He started to jog towards it.

Hero arrived, but only to see an empty playground with cats sleeping on every available surface. He scanned the park benches and picnic tables, but there was no Kel in sight.

The hideout spot?

Yeah. Yeah, that made the most sense. He psyched himself up. Kel had to be here. What would Hero say to him?

Apologize. Apologize, and then things would come naturally; they would take care of this like adults. Adults. The word bolstered his self-confidence in the face of terror.

He began to make notes in his head, drafting a persuasive essay, listing points and arguments he could bring up— no, this wasn’t an essay where he could plan every word he said. This was real life, with an emotionally unstable younger brother and untouched feelings that he had locked away.

He and Kel were people. And people were unpredictable.

Hero took a deep breath.

He pushed through the familiar path, brushing aside tree branches and bushes, making sure to be quiet in case Kel was aggressive.

Kel stood, in the midst of the moonlit glade, almost peaceful, save for the tense night air. He faced the other direction, not noticing Hero’s entry, holding something that Hero couldn’t quite make out.

Hero watched as he, inexplicably, started to giggle.

Then chuckle. Then laugh out loud.

“This is what you wanted, Hero. You did this. Mom and dad did this. This is their fault.”

Hero heard the words. Kel’s voice sounded rough, like his did when he first spoke. It didn’t sound right, and the words made him shiver. What did he do? What did Kel think he wanted?

Kel’s entire body trembled as he cackled maniacally, euphoria and a hint of hysteria in his laughter. A certain psychosis seemed to seep into his expression, which Hero could only catch a glimpse of, with his angle from by the trees.

“And they will pay for what they have done.”

Kel started to sob, hunching over, his demented laughter still ringing in his ears.

Hero was unfrozen for a moment and started to approach, though his footsteps were loud and clumsy. Kel whirled around, his unfocused eyes looking past him.

Kel was barely a silhouette in the dim lighting, his eyes seeming to glow an eerie blue. Dark tear streaks stained his cheeks.

He looked deranged, unhinged even. Kel narrowed his eyes. “Hero.”

“Kel, please, I’m so sorry, I didn’t—”

“Shut up. Well, well, looks like someone’s come crawling back to me.” He advanced, surprisingly intimidating. “How dare you show your face to me?”

“I just got a bit angry for a minute, I just was stressed and emotions were running high—”

“Stressed? You think you’re stressed? You stay at home and get to relax in the comfort of your bed, every day. I have schoolwork, I have basketball, and you were there, rotting away. You’re lazy. You’re worthless.”

Hero tried to salvage the situation. “Please, just hear me out, and—”

“Hear me out? Nobody heard me out when I was suffering. Nobody heard me out when you had a temper tantrum like the immature child you are.” Kel growled, his voice dangerously low. “Guess what? If I had screamed at you, yelled a million insults, saying that I want you dead, mom wouldn’t have any of it. Yet when you scream and shout mom doesn’t do jackshit.”

Hero stayed silent, sweat running down his temple. He needed to deescalate the argument, but Kel’s rage was insurmountable at this point. He was ready to fight if needed, although his brother’s strength and fitness clearly had him outmatched.

"You want me dead. That's what you said."

A flash near alerted Hero to a silver knife, clutched in Kel’s right hand.

He blinked in surprise. A weapon completely changed everything.

“Answer me!” Kel roared, holding the knife up in front of him, as if trying to ward Hero off “Why?! Why the fuck do you get everything? All the privilege, all the favour, the affection… Because you’re the goddamn golden child, isn’t it?”

“...”

Kel’s breathing was labored, manic glee tainting his gaze. “Say something! You ruined my life!”

“I’ve got nothing to say. There’s no excuse for what I said.”

“Fine, then. You’ve got nothing for me, huh?” Kel gripped the knife.

He raised the knife above his head, glaring at Hero. He angled the knife towards his stomach.

“Then I’ve got nothing for you.”

Hero’s eyes widened in horror.

It happened spontaneously. Hero sprinted and dived at Kel, who tried to plunge the knife downwards. Hero managed to knock Kel over, and they were suddenly struggling on the ground.

Hero was larger and used his weight to his advantage, pinning Kel down on the ground, who swung wildly with the knife. The blade slipped between Hero’s ribs. Adrenaline numbed the pain, though it still burned, as if his chest were on fire. Kel struck Hero’s chin with his left hand, his teeth colliding as his jaw was thrown upwards. The older brother only felt it as a dull thud and impact, though stars flew across his vision.

Kel swung again, this time slashing across Hero’s face, leaving a gash across his cheek and nose. Blood splattered across the grass from his wounds.

Kel roared in fury.

Hero was determined to not hurt Kel, meaning he couldn’t retaliate by punching. Kel was breaking down, tears across his face, rage etched into his features as he started to rain down punches on Hero.

Hero had the air knocked out of him by a punch to the gut. His vision blurred from tears of pain.

Kel tried to shove Hero off, the bloodied knife being thrust into his left shoulder. It sank deep into the flesh until the blade was barely visible, spurting blood.

Hero screamed in agony as his shoulder erupted in flames. He managed to get both of his hands on Kel’s right. Kel wrenched the knife from his shoulder.

Blood spilled out from the open wound, staining their clothes and arms. Hero forced Kel’s knife arm downward. It reminded him of the friendly arm wrestling matches they used to hold, back when everything was normal. With a grunt, he slammed Kel's arm down, rendering the blade unusable. The impact made Kel release the knife.

Hero, seeing this, quickly grabbed it, and tossed it into the lake. It made a small splash on the surface of the water, before it sank downwards and disappeared from sight.

Kel let out a cry of anguish as he slammed a fist into Hero’s back, who fell on his face onto the grass. Hero managed to turn, before throwing himself back at Kel. Hero somehow wrangled Kel’s arms behind his back, managing to position himself behind and above Kel.

With his arms restrained, Kel couldn’t do anything but cry and shout, screaming his frustrations out to an uncaring world.

Hero was bleeding heavily, and he felt blood rush out of him, dying his navy shirt red. Adrenaline coursed through his veins, keeping him moving, but it didn’t last.

Kel had screamed himself hoarse, his throat blistering and raw. He was exhausted, both emotionally and physically. His life was a pure gauntlet of pain.

They both passed out, falling onto the harsh grass.

Chapter Text

Kel opened his eyes to bright white. He took a while to adjust, eventually recognizing the familiar walls of Nearbie hospital. He had been here after breaking an arm once.

What a cliché entrance, he thought. Waking up in a hospital after a dramatic fight.

He breathed in the fresh air, taking long gasps. The air was always heavy and tense, as if it were poison gas choking him, filling up his lungs and suffocating him, but he felt like he had a new start. The light breeze refreshed him, making him feel strangely… clear, as if he had been given new glasses.

Guilt started to weigh on him. He had stabbed Hero. He looked around the room, and saw Hero to his right in his own bed. He was swathed in bandages, across his face and his body. From what Kel could see, he looked terrible. Hero’s eyes were swollen. Bruises were everywhere. He was wearing the same light blue hospital gown as Kel.

Kel heard rushed footsteps echoing around the hall. He sat up and looked around, his bruises aching. He saw a doctor, dressed in his white lab coat.

“Hi, Kelsey Rodriguez, I see you’re awake. How are you feeling?”

“Fine.”

“Alright. Uh… So, you won’t need to stay here for long, you’ll be released soon, once your parents get back. You have been… battered a bit, I can tell, but that shouldn’t be a problem. Is there anything you need?”

“No.” Kel simply responded. The doctor moved away, giving him space to think. Kel stared at the white ceiling tiles, thoughts running through his head.

He looked over at Hero’s figure. He imagined the knife slipping in between his ribs, driving into Hero’s shoulder. Kel wanted to vomit.

Was I really about to kill myself? I stabbed Hero. I hurt him. His girlfriend died, and I— No, now was not the time for self-hatred and guilt. Both of them were suffering, each in their own right, and this wasn’t a contest to see who was going through more.

Nobody was at particular fault. Everyone could’ve done something better.

He looked at Hero’s figure again.

At least this mistake was fixable.

He would fix this. He would recover with Hero… as brothers once again.

Hero opened his eyes to bright white. He instantly recognized the harsh, sterile smell. He was in the Nearbie hospital.

He still remembered the harsh words thrown. The chaotic scramble. The silver blade slashing through flesh. The tears and blood mixing.

A thought struck him; Where was Kel? Was he alright?

He tried to sit up, but his entire body and every wound burned. He cried out in pain, before laying back down.

His logic and rationality took over. Hero didn’t harm Kel, physically at least. He heard a doctor walking to him.

“Hello? Henry?” A doctor appeared at the foot of his bed. “He’s awake. So, how are you feeling?”

Hero took a second to respond, his mind still slightly groggy. “Fine. Everything hurts.”

The doctor scribbled something on his clipboard. “That’s… normal. Right, you’ve got quite the list of injuries.”

Hero just nodded.

“A stab wound in the ribs, one in the back, a particularly deep wound in the left shoulder, that’ll take a while to heal; a gash across the cheek and a multitude of bruises across the torso and face.” The doctor listed from the clipboard. “Actually, your wounds were fairly serious. You had a hemo-pneumothorax, which means your lung was punctured, and there was significant bleeding. We’ve patched that up with a chest tube.”

Hero knew what a hemo-pneumothorax was. He had actually studied, poring over this small encyclopedia site named Wikipedia on his home computer.

“Luckily, the stab wound in the shoulder won’t mess up your joint movement when it’s healed, so that’s good. Um, I think you’ll be staying here for one or two days, then we’ll let you go, to heal. No strenuous activities though, obviously. Your wounds’ll probably take you half a month to heal completely.”

Hero nodded again, taking in the information. He looked down across his body and saw bandages wrapped everywhere. His ribs burned, as if someone had slipped a burning hot piece of sandpaper between his ribs. Breathing hurt.

“Uh… Yeah, you’re basically all fine if you don’t reopen them, there are no complications as far as we can tell, and no infections whatsoever. You have received surgery and stitches for your more major wounds, on your face and body, and… yeah, that’s it.”

“Where’s my brother?” Hero asked, suddenly. He knew it was a bit rude, but he really didn’t care.

“Your brother’s in the… unit? right next to you. I don’t know, Nearbie hospital has these weird double rooms?”

Hero looked to his left. There was Kel, sitting up and enveloped in the white blankets. Kel smiled a little bit, wincing.

“I… gave you quite the beating, huh?”

“...Yeah.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Not… much.”

“That’s good.”

There was a moment of silence.

“I’m… sorry.” They both spoke at the same time.

“N-no, I was the one who was neglecting you all this time…” Hero frantically apologized. “I was too busy wallowing in my own misery that I forgot to look at you.”

“Hero, no, I’m the one who lashed out, I freaking stabbed you! Three times!”

“Kel. It’s emotional versus physical. I… I can’t believe I yelled at you, I…”

“I… I don’t think we should continue arguing like this, about… things in the past, things we can’t change. Let’s just… try to fix the future, okay?”

Hero gave a sad smile. “Yeah. We’ll do it.”

Kel gave his signature grin, now unburdened by the weights of grief. “Yeah! Together, as brothers.”