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Chapter Text

Oz never did give nothing to the Tin Man, that he didn’t already have -Dewey Bunnell 

Severus never was one for romantic sentiments. Sure, in private he enjoyed indulging in the occasion muggle poem about the beauty of a woman and listening to love songs which were far too saccharine for any reasonable person's taste. In public, though, he maintained his neutral expression. As far as anyone could tell, a woman was a woman to him. No woman held sway over him, or so he said.

Within a few moments of arriving at the Ministry Ball, Hermione shattered his feigned disinterest. Dressed in her red dress and red shoes, she commanded his total attention. No longer was she the brains of the Golden Trio, an awkward teen who was growing into her body. Now, she was a full blooded woman and the best damn Transfiguration professor Severus had ever met. No offense to Minerva, but Hermione had outgrown her need to regurgitate information. She had a creativity most could only dream of possessing, a trait Severus found irresistible.

Her toffee eyes scanned the crowded ballroom. She gave no attention to the Ministry officials in their uniforms, or the other men in their finest robes. Even the women in their ballroom dresses did little warrant her attention. Severus’ mouth dried at the thought she was searching for him. No, she couldn’t be looking for him. There were far better men with whom to converse. Why would she look in his direction?

What if she did want to speak with him? That could prove tricky. He was shite at talking to women. No, that wasn’t entirely accurate. He was brilliant at speaking to Hermione on academic subjects, or so she claimed. That didn’t change the fact he was hopeless against a woman dressed in all red with a mischievous gleam in her eyes. He'd be lucky if he could spit out two words without tripping over himself.

Her eyes met his. They lit up as she approached him. His heart beat faster as sweat formed on his brow. Occluding was impossible. The moment was out of one of those poems Severus claimed to despise. He knew he shouldn't have read Lord Byron the night before. His romantic sentiments would be the end of him one day.

What did she want from him? Was it just a casual chat, or did she want to dance? Please let it not be the latter. He was more hopeless as a dancer than he was at speaking to women.

“Severus?”

He gave her a curt nod. “Hermione.”

“It’s nice to see you here.”

“I would say it is nice to be here, but I don’t make a habit of lying." 

“No, I appreciate that about you,” she stood beside him. “Total honesty. I don’t have to guess with you. I like that.”

“Indeed.” There, that sounded natural. So far, not terrible. Perhaps he could get through this with his dignity intact.

She took a deep breath and cleared her throat. “I didn’t think you were coming to the Memorial Ball.”

“I did not come here willingly,” he admitted. “I had hoped to spend my evening with a good book, but Minerva made it clear if I did not make an appearance, she would cut my next paycheck in half.”

“She actually threatened that?” She cocked her head.

“Indeed she did. According to her, I need to make myself more available to others. Apparently speaking to you on occasion does not constitute a robust social life.”

“It never hurts to have more friends.”

“Not if the people with whom you are interacting are dunderheads.”

“Not everyone is a dunderhead,” she answered.

“Perhaps, but why take the risk by being social?” He asked.

"You are quite social with me.”

“You are the only person I feel any desire to socialize with.”

“I’m flattered.”

“There’s no need to be flattered by honesty.”

She gave him a small smile. “You aren’t so terrible to socialize with yourself. Our conversations are quite enlightening.”

“You just like discussing potions articles with someone who isn’t a dunderhead.”

“That, and in your own way you can be quite charming.”

His heart fluttered at the way her eyes glistened when she said that. If he didn’t know any better, he would say he had a chance of convincing her to go out to lunch with him during a Hogsmeade weekend, perhaps even two. He preferred not to go on those excursions, but if she was going with him he may not consider it a wasted trip.

“Severus?” She asked.

“Yes?” He returned to the present.

“Would,” she swallowed. The light in her eyes had died, replaced by a cloud of uncertainty. “Would you like to…?”

“Hermione. There you are.”

Severus made a fist and bit his tongue. Of course that dunderhead Potter would appear at the least opportune time.

“Harry,” Although she was grinning, it appeared forced, as if a life changing moment had passed her by, one she would never recapture despite her best efforts.

“Hey, sorry I’m late,” he gave her a quick hug. “That Knockturn Ally robbery case has me stumped. I tried solving it before the ball, but Luna had to pick me up before I missed it completely.”

“It wouldn’t do for you not to make an appearance at a ball such as this,” Luna breezed beside him, her white dress floating behind her like a cloud in a bright blue sky. “Not when everyone is so eager for you to speak.”

“I don’t know why anyone wants to hear my speeches,” Harry shook his head. “Every year I feel like I blubber about without anything intelligent to say.”

“Yes, your mouth does have a nasty habit of spewing the most asinine words possible,” Severus muttered. 

Hermione poked him in the ribs with her elbow. He winched before rubbing his side.

“Hello Snape,” Harry looked at him before deadpanning. “Thank you for the vote of confidence. I appreciate your undying support.”

“I am interested in honesty, not in buttressing your self-esteem.”

“Severus,” Hermione hissed. “There’s no need to be rude.” 

“No, he’s fine,” Harry chuckled. “I’d honestly be more concerned if he was too polite towards me.”

“He does seem to take offense when people interrupt his conversations with Hermione,” Luna replied.

“Oh, you two were talking?” Harry asked.

“Indeed we were,” Severus' voice was low with more than a hint of a threat.

“Oh Merlin I’ve really stepped into it.” Harry was blushing. 

Severus hummed. At least Harry looked embarrassed. He had somewhat more propriety than his father...somewhat.

“It’s okay,” Luna took his hand. “We should let them finish though.”

“Yeah, we uh should.” Harry’s face grew redder. “I apologize again. Sometimes, I don’t think.”

“Only sometimes?” Severus asked.

“Severus,” Hermione hissed.

“No, he’s right. Sometimes I don’t seem to have a brain.”

Severus held back his retort.

“Anyway, have fun,” Harry concluded. 

“I’m sure they will.” Luna gave Hermione a knowing smile before leading Harry to the dance floor.

“You needn’t be so rude to him,” Hermione snapped once the Potters were out of earshot.

“Perhaps, but if I was polite to him people would believe I’d fallen ill, or that I had a heart,” he replied. “We wouldn’t want such misconceptions to perpetuate, would we?”

“It’s okay not to be a git all the time,” Hermione noted. “It’s okay to show you do in fact have a heart.”

“I only have a heart towards those who have earned my respect.”

“If you respect me, you’ll at least try to be civil with Harry. He does admire you, even if you give him little reason to most days.”

“He admires the person in his head, not who I am.”

“How will he know the real you if you continue to be rude towards him?”

“This is the real me,” he retorted. 

“No, it isn’t,” she replied. “This is who you are when you’re afraid someone will look down on you, or when you’re uncomfortable.”

He twisted his lips.

“It’s okay to open up to others,” she continued.

“Were you going to ask me something earlier?” He asked.

“Nice diversion,” she answered.

“It’s a legitimate question. Were you about to say something earlier?”

“Yes,” she stood up straighter. “I…”

“Severus?"

He fought to keep himself from barking at this latest interloper. Even if he’d grown more tolerable over the years, his timing still left much to be desired.

“Hello Neville,” Hermione began, that forced grin returning to her face.

“Hello,” Neville turned to Severus. “I’m sorry to interrupt, but I wanted to tell you before the speeches that I am grateful for your advice on the greenhouse proposal. It really helped put my thoughts into perspective, and refined my arguments.”

“I am happy I could be of service,” Severus relaxed.

“You’ve been helping him?” Hermione asked.

“Technically I’m helping myself and using him to do it," Severus replied. “If we can expand Neville’s greenhouse, then he can grow more potions ingredients. The more ingredients I can get from Hogwarts, the less traveling I must do, which in turn means I save more money.”

“It is a beneficial arrangement,” Neville answered.

“Indeed it is,” Severus replied. “When do you plan on showing your proposal to Minerva?”

“Minerva?” Neville went pale.

“Indeed,” Severus drawled. “The proposal does us no good if she does not approve it.”

“Yes, well,” he fidgeted as his eyes darted around. “She’s been quite busy lately, and it’s been difficult to find a time when we could meet, with the school year ending and all.”

“You haven’t shown her anything, nor have you scheduled a meeting, have you?” Severus asked.

Neville gulped and turned his attention to a scuff mark on the marble floor.

“Oh Neville,” Hermione’s voice was gentle. “Why not?”

“I don’t know. I’m just scared.” He looked at her.

“Why? The proposal seemed fine when I examined it,” Severus replied.

“Yes, but what if there’s something I missed? What if I didn’t calculate the cost right, or she thinks this project is unnecessary?”

“Why would she think creating a world class greenhouse is unnecessary?”

“I don’t know. Maybe she wants the money to go to another department, or doesn't find Herbology as useful as she tells people it is.”

“You’ll never know where she wants the money to go unless you give her your proposal,” Hermione replied.

“I know.” Neville put his hands behind his back as his voice grew softer. “I’m so nervous, and a little scared. Sometimes I really don’t have the courage to do what needs to be done.”

“There’s nothing to be scared of,” she replied. “The worst that can happen is Minerva says no.”

“Which is not in her best interest,” Severus cut in.

“It isn’t?”

“No, being a world class herbology center can only make the school look better, something she is well aware of.”

“I know, but,” Neville’s eyes lit up. “Maybe you can give the proposal for me. You can argue for the greenhouse better than I can."

“No,” Severus answered. “The proposal must come from you. It’s your specialty, so you must be the one to offer it.”

“I was afraid you’d say that.” Neville gulped.

“You can do this, Neville,” Hermione said. “It will all go well, I promise.”

“I hope you’re right,” he gulped.

“Severus, fancy seeing you here,” A man patted Severus on the back.

“Lucius,” Severus coughed. “What brings you here?” 

“Well, Narcissa is going to be acknowledged for not telling Voldemort that Potter had survived, so I thought I would come and support her.”

“How noble of you,” Severus replied.

“Between you and me,” he leaned over and whispered into Severus’ ear, “keeping up connections is just as important, wouldn’t you agree?”

“Indeed,” Severus muttered, watching his chance to speak with Hermione slip through his fingers.

“How are you doing?” Lucius asked.

Better before you came. Severus cleared his throat. “Very well, thank you.”

“That is great to hear,” he turned to Hermione. “He hadn’t been giving you any trouble, has he?”

“No more than usual,” she replied. 

“So great to hear it. Severus does have a knack for causing trouble in certain situations. It's important to control him,” Lucius answered.

“You could use some control yourself,” Severus replied, wishing the blond would melt into the ground. 

“Anyway, thanks for the pep talk,” Neville began before darting into the crowd.

“Pep talk?” Lucius asked.

“Don’t read too much into it,” Severus answered. “I simply told him to do his job.”

“I suppose some people would need a pep talk for that.” He shrugged.

“Hermione!”

Severus suppressed a groan. Of course she would appear.

“Hello Molly,” Hermione said through gritted teeth.

“Oh Hermione there you are!” She embraced Hermione so hard Severus was surprised she could breathe. “It’s so great to see you again!”

“Great to see you too,” Hermione squeaked.

“Oh Ronald’s been looking everywhere for you,” Molly began.

“Ron?”

“Yes, he desperately misses you.” 

“But we saw each other a couple of weeks ago. Surely he can’t miss me that much."

Severus couldn’t help but feel a pang in his heart. He knew she’d seen Weasley a few weekends ago, but he didn't want to think about it. She claimed it was only under the guise of friendship. He wanted to believe her, even if he knew he was a fool for doing so.

“A couple of weeks is too long to be apart, not with two people like you.”

“Molly, we are friends,” Hermione growled.

“Yes, and the best relationships start as friendships.”

“There is no relationship between us other than friendship,” Hermione argued.

“Nonsense. Ron talks about you all the time. He's always counting down the minutes when he can see you again.”

“He doesn't care for me that way anymore.”

“Of course he does. Now, come and see him.” Molly locked eyes with Severus. “It will be much better than hanging out with an old, greasy git.”

Molly dragged Hermione away before she could say another word. Severus stared at where they’d stood, the words, “old, greasy git” echoing in his mind.

“I thought Hermione and Ronald had been broken up for the last three years,” Lucius began.

“She told me they were no more.”

“Than why is he apparently panting after her?”

“Because he isn’t an old, greasy git.”

Lucius raised an eyebrow. Before he could say another word, Severus snuck towards the bar.

He would need a good scotch to get through the night.

Chapter Text

It had been four days since the Memorial Ball, and Hermione has said little to Severus. They had only managed to have a few short conversations, most of them surrounding the stress of grading final assignments. Whatever she had wanted to say wasn’t important enough to repeat. That was just as well. He didn’t want to hear how her conversation with Weasley and gone, or how much she was growing to miss him even if their separation was only a few days. It was terrible enough that he’d seen them laughing together at the ball, sharing in some joke he no doubt would never have understood. He was an old, greasy git whose sense of humor had dried up long ago. She deserved someone young, funny, and someone who could manage to smile during those insipid balls.

in short, she deserved better than an old, greasy git.

He groaned as he slumped in his chair, a glass of Mr. Ogden’s finest on the lamp stand beside him. Why did being called an “old, greasy git” matter so much to him? Molly was hardly the first to say those words to his face. She wasn't the rudest person who'd said them either. No, she was only speaking the truth. He knew that, as did she. Why did the truth suddenly hurt?

Because he wanted Hermione to see him as someone worthy of her love, despite his age and sour temperament.

Who was he fooling? Hermione deserved better than him, a fact everyone knew. All Molly did was confirm that. Sure, she’d been a witch about it. Then again, she was a magical woman, so being a witch was in her nature. Still, there were good witches and bad witches. Molly fell somewhere in between, an obnoxious witch. 

Just as he was picking up his glass, he heard a scratching at the door. He took a sip, hoping if he ignored it the sound would go away.

Instead, the scratching became louder. When that failed to catch Severus’ attention, the blasted thing on the other side began meowing. With a sigh, Severus rose and opened the door, if only to keep that half-kneazle from destroying it.

“One treat,” he replied in a low voice. “No more than one.” 

The orange half kneazle strolled through the door, knowing full well he would receive two slices of turkey. Severus rolled his eyes as he made his way to the kitchenette. He’d known it was a mistake to feed Crookshanks the first time he’d given him meat, but he wouldn’t stop yowling. The half-kneazle could also sense when someone found him cuter than they ought. Damn thing knew how to purr and rub up against Severus’ leg when he was in a particularly bad mood. Then there were the nights he would keep him warm during his grading, something he did not always do for Hermione. The fact that they both despised the Weasleys only made their bond stronger.

He hated how much affection he had for Crookshanks.

“I take it the weather was not to your satisfaction.” Severus pulled out a turkey slice.

Crookshanks raised his paw in confirmation.

“It must be quite rainy for you to want nothing to do with the outdoors.” Granted Severus couldn’t hear the rain or the thunder in the dungeons, but he’d heard the rumors around that night. According to the weather spells, the safest place in the castle would be in the lower levels, though why that was the case Severus couldn't tell.

Crookshanks let out a soft meow, interrupting his musings.

“You are lucky I am so accommodating.” Severus put the turkey in front of Crookshanks. “Most other professors would allow you to starve. It is against my better judgement that I feed you. They do recommend never feeding strays after all.”

He let out a purr as he began to eat.

“Then again, you did chase Scabbers, and at times you were cruel towards the dog,” Severus smirked. “I suppose I cannot find too much hatred in my heart for you given those facts.”

Crookshanks gave him a look of pure, smug pleasure. Severus returned the expression. 

In silence, he returned to his chair and took a sip of his Firewhiskey. An hour ago he’d fully intend to drink until he could no longer see straight. Now, the presence of the only other creature who was just as big a git as he was gave him an odd source of comfort. At the very least he should remain somewhat sober when he returned Crookshanks to his owner. It wouldn’t do for him to slur his words around Hermione, lest he prove everyone correct who said he had no coping skills other than drinking. 

“Mrow!”

“Done already?” Severus stood. “That was quick.”

Crookshanks meowed at him again. Then, he had the nerve to glare at him, as if waiting for two minutes for another treat was an enormous inconvenience. With a huff, Severus threw another piece of turkey his way.

“The second you finish this turkey is the second you return to your owner.”

Crookshanks gave him a look as if to ask if he was serious.

“I mean it,” Severus answered. “I have little time for half kneazles in my dungeons.”

Crookshanks huffed before he resumed eating.

Severus rapped his fingers on the table, at a loss for his next move. Returning Crookshanks would involve speaking to Hermione. Their conversation could prove longer than he had patience for. Then again, that assumed she wanted to talk to him. 

How upset with him was she? Did she suspect he was avoiding her, or did she think little of how rarely they’d seen each other over the course of the last few days? At any point did she miss him, or was she happy to be rid of him? He hoped for one answer, but strongly suspected it was the other.

“Mrow!”

Severus turned to Crookshanks. “No.”

“Mrow!” Crookshanks intoned louder.

“I mean it, I have little time for you tonight.” He wasn’t about to tell the half kneazle that he was intruding on his time with firewhiskey. For all Severus knew, Crookshanks found a way to let Hermione know when Severus was about to engage in idiotic behavior. The last thing he needed was a lecture on alcohol abuse.

Crookshanks meowed in protest as Severus picked him up. “I like carrying you up the stairs as much as you enjoy being carried up the stairs. You’d think Hogwarts would install an elevator at some point. It would make things easier on everyone.”

Crookshanks glared at him, but didn’t move. A few years ago, he’d tried jumping out of Severus’ arms and darting under his bed. The only thing he’d gotten for his trouble was Severus contacting Hermione, and having her get him out from under the bed. Severus always tried to be gentle when coaxing him out. When frustrated, Hermione was in no mood for such niceties, something both Crookshanks and Severus learned that night.  

After trudging up more stairs than Severus felt was reasonable, and counting every orange hair that clung to his frock coat, he reached Hermione’s door. Much to his surprise, it was cracked open. Had she not noticed when Crookshanks had escaped that it was open? 

“Mum is right about some things.”

Severus’ muscles tightened as his body temperature rose. What the hell was Weasley doing here?

“I need to go after what I want,” he continued. “I need to conquer my fears and just, you know, take charge of things.”

“Yes, that’s right, you do, You could accomplish anything if you set your mind to it,” Hermione replied.

“I could give you the same advice too.”

Severus set Crookshanks down. The half-kneazle did not enter the room, but stood outside, glaring down Weasley.

“I mean, we’ve both been dancing around our feelings,” Ron continued. “It’s time to act on them.”

“I suppose you have a point there,” she exhaled. 

“I mean it. We both deserve love.”

“And you will both receive love!”

Severus flung open the door. The pair stared at him, their eyes wide. Of course they were in an embrace! Hermione was always embracing him.

“Tell me, when will you send me a wedding invitation, or will mine become lost in the mail?” Severus demanded.

“Severus,” Hermione began as she untangled herself from Ron. “This...this isn’t what you think it is.”

A bolt of lightning crackled through the window.

“Are you saying I am unable to understand what I see before me?” Severus asked. "Am I incapable of basic comprehension?"

“No, I mean, yes you can comprehend things, and you aren’t seeing things, but I’m telling you, this isn’t what you think it is," she sputtered. 

“Hermione,” he began in the most controlled voice he could. “I hope you two are very happy together.”

“Look Snape, it isn’t like that,” Ron argued. “Whatever you think of us, it’s wrong.”

“I can see everything just fine, Mr. Weasley,” the last two words were venom from his mouth. “You can make Hermione happy, while I am an old, greasy git.”

“Snape, that isn’t the case at all,” Ron asked. “Okay, it is a case that you’re an ‘old, greasy git,’ but that doesn’t mean I’m doing with ‘Mione what you think I am.”

“Please Severus,” Hermione folded her hands. “You have to listen to me. This isn’t what you think it is.”

Severus couldn’t look at them anymore. Instead, he tore down the hallway. Behind him, Hermione shouted his name. He paid her no heed. What he needed was air. Even if the thunder boomed throughout the castle, he needed outside air. 

Severus ran outside and tore through the grounds. He needed a place to think, someplace Hermione wouldn’t follow him. Even a Gryffindor wasn’t stupid enough to go out in this weather, which admittedly didn’t speak well for his intelligence. Her own familiar wouldn’t go outside. Nobody but him would go outside.

The flashes of lightning and claps of thunder convinced him to seek shelter outside of the castle. Hogwarts wasn’t safe, not with the image of her in Ron’s arms. No, there was another safe place, somewhere he could seek shelter without thinking of her in Weasley's embrace.

Lightning illuminated the Shrieking Shack. Nobody would suspect him of going in there. Everyone thought he hated the place. This was far from the case. She’d saved him there. He still remembered the feeling of Hermione’s hand attempting to stop the bleeding in his neck as she poured as many potions as she could down his throat. Under her arms he grew stronger. The fantasy of being with Hermione began in that shack. For one night, he could indulge in thinking she cared for him, even though he knew it wasn't true.

He darted inside the shack as the thunder boomed again. There was a scratch behind him. Eyebrow raised, he opened the door.

“What the bloody hell?” He asked as Crookshanks raced inside. “Why are you here?”

Crookshanks rubbed his head against Severus’ knee. The soaked man would’ve found it endearing if he didn’t hear a loud roar from outside the shack. It almost sounded like a muggle train, only deeper and more foreboding.

With no small amount of trepidation, he poked his head outside. His eyes grew as he noticed the wind whip around. The lightning illuminated a funnel emerging form a cloud. It touched the ground and the wind surrounding it howled.

He shook his head. There was no way he saw that correctly. Tornados occurred in Kansas, not Hogwarts.

Lightning illuminated the sky, confirming his worst fears. The tornado was present, and it was heading for the shack. There was nowhere to run, nobody to save him. He was going to die in the shack.

Crookshanks rushed into his arms and clung to him. Severus held him close as he closed the door. The boards creaked under the force of the tornado until they were uprooted from the ground. They were spinning in the vortex of the tornado, bracing for whatever was to come. For a moment he contemplated flying, but there was no way he would be able to escape the vortex. He was trapped, with no feasible way of escaping. All he could do was wait for the tornado to spit him out wherever it desired.

Within a few moments, the shack was expelled from the cyclone, colliding with the ground.

Severus’ world went black.

Chapter Text

Did the afterlife feel like being trampled by a herd of centaurs? If so, it wasn't meeting Severus' expectations. He had always thought death was sweet oblivion, a place free of any pain or sorrow. Yet, his head throbbed harder than it ever had.

Perhaps he was in hell. There was pain in hell, at least according to Dante. Given everything he’d done, he deserved to rot for an eternity. If this was hell though, where was Satan? Was he still gathering the welcoming party? What tortures awaited him?

Beside him, Crookshanks let out a weak mew. Severus frowned before examining the cat. If he was in hell, God was a complete and total bastard. He may deserve hell, but even a cat as obnoxious as Crookshanks deserved to be in heaven rubbing up against the angels and swatting at the birds who flew too close to him. Only a vicious god would damn an animal to hell. 

Severus groaned as he sat upright. Nothing seemed to be broken, not surprising if he was dead. He examined Crookshanks. Nothing appeared to be wrong with him. At least they would spend a few minutes free of eternal torment. 

The door was cracked open, allowing a ray of sunshine to poke through. Severus glanced at Crookshanks, who in turn stretched. “Shall we?”

Crookshanks stepped towards the door and touched it with his paw. Severus opened the door the rest of the way.

Within seconds, he felt his stomach churn.

All around him were bright, gaudy, small, dilapidated buildings which appeared to be built for people of approximately three feet in height. Daisies as large as his face dotted the gardens, along with dandelions. A few lollipops sprung from the ground, accompanied by candy canes and apple trees.

What hurt his eyes the most were the colors. Hogwarts was bathed in candlelight, but this world was more technicolored than a hallucinogenic potions trip. Every bright, clashing color was present. It was enough to exacerbate his headache. 

Then he noticed the yellow brick road. He suppressed a groan. This was no hallucinogenic potions trip, at least none that he'd taken. He'd seen this place before, sometime long ago, back when he was a child flipping channels, desperate for something to keep his mind off his parents' latest screaming match. This couldn’t be, no, it just couldn’t be…

“Hello.”

Severus choked back his laughter. Minerva McGonagall stood before him in a poofy powdered pink gown with wings sticking out. Her golden crown was dotted with ruby jewels; a Gryffindor to the end.

Crookshanks looked up at Severus, as if awaiting a clue for what to do next.

“Crookshanks, I have a feeling we aren’t in Hogwarts anymore,” he replied in a low voice. “Or Kansas for that matter.”

Crookshanks meowed in agreement.

“Who are you?” Minerva asked.

“Oh come off of it. You know who I am,” Severus snapped.

“I fear I don’t,” she replied in an innocent voice. “Or else I wouldn’t have asked your name.”

“No, you know my name.” He jumped out of the shack. “I know you know my name because you are an illusion caused by me bumping my head too hard on the way down from that tornado, or perhaps you’re the devil preparing to torture me with this saccharine world. It would be just my fate to spend all of eternity stuck in some asinine muggle movie.”

“Muggle?” She pulled out a silver wand with a star on top. “What’s a muggle?”

“What do you mean you don’t know what a muggle is? You know very well what one is.”

“No, I fear I don’t,” her voice was sweet, but her eyes took on the familiar ‘no-nonsense’ quality he’d come to know and expect.

“Fine, a muggle is someone with no magic.”

“Like a munchkin?”

Severus smacked his hand against his head. “Sure, let’s go with that.”

“Well, you must not be a muggle given that you were able to defeat the Wicked Witch of the East.”

“The Wicked Witch of the East?” He scowled. “Tell me, who would that be?”

“She was an awful witch name Bellatrix.”

“Bellatrix?” Severus glanced down at the shack. Underneath were a pair of silver boots attached to legs he recognized as Bellatrix.

“Of course, my first act in Oz is to kill someone,” he grumbled. “At least it was Bellatrix and not Albus.”

“Who’s Albus? The Minerva-like being asked.

“Nobody you would care about.” He shook his head. “Let me guess, Bellatrix was a crazy, fanatical follower of a dark wizard who I must now defeat.”

“No, the wizard is a very good being,” she answered. “He did everything he could to defeat Bellatrix. Alas, there was only so much he could do.”

“Right,” Severus nodded. “I remember this part of the movie. You’re Glinda, the Good Witch of the South.”

“No, I’m Minerva, the Good Witch of the North.”

“Excuse me, Minerva,” he answered. At least the names remained the same.

“So tell me,” she pointed her wand at him. “Are you a good wizard, or a bad wizard?”

“I’m a wizard who would like out of this technicolor nightmare.”

“In other words, a grumpy wizard.”

“Yes, that is an accurate characterization.”

“Well, you don’t seem to be too dangerous. A little grouchy, but I’m sure that can be fixed.”

“Let me guess, you’ll wave your wand and instantly I’ll smile," he sneered.

“No, I have a better idea.” Minerva spread her arms and danced to the center of the town square. She began to sing, “come out, come out, wherever you are.”

A few small beings emerged from behind the plants and the houses. Music began to swell.

“Once there was a wicked witch in the lovely land of Oz. And a wickeder, wickeder, wickeder witch there never, never was.”

“No!”

Everyone stopped dead in their tracks. The music died.

“I refuse to be a part of a musical.” Severus snapped. “If you want to exposit facts I already saw in the movie, you may do so in spoken word, not via song.”

“What’s wrong with a song?” A munchkin who appeared to be a smaller version of Colin Creevy asked.

“Singing is inane and obnoxious.”

“But it makes everyone feel better. You should try singing with us!”

The other munchkins agreed. Severus suppressed a groan. The last thing he needed was the entire Gryffindor house in small form.

“I cannot sing,” he answered.

“Anyone can sing,” another munchkin who looked like Padma Patil began.

“Trust me, my voice is more suited to a musical about a murderous barber than it is for a production such as this.”

“Fine, you don’t have to sing,” a munchkin who appeared to be Luna began. “But you cannot stop us from doing so.”

“Unless he’s a wicked wizard too!” A munchkin who appeared to be Terry Boot exclaimed.

“No, he’s not an evil wizard,” the Luna munchkin approached him. “Just a lost wizard.”

“Yes, I am lost, and I would like to go home,” he demanded.

“Fine, but you shouldn’t be so angry about it,” Luna munchkin replied. “We won’t force you to sing, but we have been practicing this song in secret for quite some time, so you will have to sit back and allow us to perform it.”

Before Severus could answer, the munchkins broke out into a rousing rendition of Ding Dong the Witch is Dead. It took everything in him not to scream as their squeaky voices assaulted his eardrums.

It was official. He was dead and was going to spend the rest of eternity reenacting a movie he absolutely hated! It was a worse fate than anything Voldemort could've possibly dreamed up. 

In the middle of the song, Luna revealed herself to be mayor. The coroner, who appeared to be Angelina Johnson, declared the wicked witch dead. As much as he hated the musical number, there was some relief that Bellatrix could no longer torture anyone. She’d caused enough trouble in his universe. It was gratifying to see her die twice.

As the song wound down, Severus couldn’t help but think he was missing something. At some point he’d need to go down the yellow brick road, but there was something which occurred before he left. What was it?

Boom!

A cackling filled the air as orange smoked billowed in the town square. The munchkins screamed and hid behind the flowers, candy, and diminutive houses. It was then that Severus remembered what came next. He braced himself for the newcomer, yet nothing could quite prepare him for her appearance.

A green faced Molly Weasley, dressed in a black dress and a black pointed hat scoured the town square. She turned around until she saw Bellatrix’s legs.

“Who killed the Witch of the East?” Molly glared at him. “Was it you?”

“It would appear so,” Severus deadpanned.

“You,” Molly strolled over and pointed at his chest. “You ruined everything!”

“What exactly have I ruined?” He asked in a bored tone. “Was she your sister who was going to bring the potato salad to your family reunion?"

"No! My potato salad is far superior to hers!"

"Did you need her alive for some other reason?"

“No! I wanted her dead!” She shrieked.

Severus stepped back. This Molly was just as loud as the one in his world.

“I wanted to kill that bitch, but you denied me the chance!” Molly yelled.

“You wanted her dead?” Severus asked.

“Yes!” Molly’s eyes were aflame. “I had so many plans. It was all coming together. I was so close to getting everything I wanted, but then you had to go and ruin everything!”

“How could I have ruined anything? You wanted her dead, and now she’s dead. Shouldn’t you be thanking me for doing your dirty work for you?” 

“Not if it means you get what I want!”

“Get what you want?” Realization dawned on Severus. Oh dear God tell him he wasn’t in women's boots.

“Her shoes! I want her shoes!”

“Take them,” he argued. “It’s doubtful they'll fit me anyway.”

“Don’t be so sure,” Minerva pointed her wand to Severus’ feet.

He let out a groan. Instead of his black boots, they were replaced with silver ones. At least they were comfortable.

“Give them to me!” She demanded.

“I may consider if you say ‘pretty please,'" Severus smirked. 

“No!”

“Then my answer is no.”

“No! You can’t do that to me. I-I’ll kill you too.”

“You’ll do no such thing.” He reached for his wand. “You’ll,” he felt in his pocket. It was gone. His wand was gone. Of course it was. He’d left it on the counter when he took Crookshanks to return him to Hermione. He was as good as a muggle in this insane asylum.  

“Don't give her those shoes,” Minerva whispered in his ear. “They must be very powerful if she wants them.”

“Obviously they’re more powerful than my missing wand,” he muttered.

Molly approached him. “Give me those shoes!”

“Be gone,” Minerva pointed her wand at Molly. “You have no power here. Be gone! Before somebody drops a house on you too.”

Crookshanks hissed at Molly and stuck out his claws at her.

“Good kitty,” Severus purred.

“Very well,” the Milly which glowered at him. “I’ll get you my gitty, and your little cat too!”

“It doesn’t have quite the same effect as ‘I’ll get you my pretty and your little dog too,’” Severus noted.

“You, pretty!” Molly cackled. “You only wish you were, you old, greasy git.”

With that, Molly disappeared into a ball of flames.

Severus shook his head. He was going to need ten headache curing potions after dealing with this Molly witch.

“Are you okay?” The Luna munchkin asked.

“I am fine.” He pinched the bridge of his nose. “I just want to go home.”

“Sadly, I can’t take you there.”

“I know.” He looked up. “I have to follow the yellow brick road to Emerald City to see the wizard. Then I have to do a few other things before I can return to my own house.”

“Wow, you are a powerful wizard if you know everything,” the Dean Thomas munchkin answered.

“How do you know all of this?” The Katie Bell munchkin asked.

“Let’s just say this isn’t the first time I’ve been acquainted with this kind of journey," Severus answered.

“You’ve visited Oz before?” Seamus munchkin asked. 

“No, but I know someone who’s been here.”

“Who?” The Alicia Spinnet munchkin asked.

“A woman named Dorothy.”

“Who’s she?” Luna asked.

“Nobody you should concern yourselves with," Severus answered.

“Well, whoever she is doesn’t matter. Follow the yellow brick road, and you’ll soon be home,” Luna munchkin explained.

“Follow the yellow brick road,” the munchkins began as the music swelled.

“If you could please,” Severus raised his hand. “If I have to deal with the Wicked Witch of the West shrieking every time I so much as look in her direction, I’ll need as few musical numbers as possible. I would like to spend a few minutes headache free if you don’t mind.”

The other munchkins looked at Luna.

“It’s okay,” she answered. “He just needs to go home. He’ll feel better once he’s there with the people who love him.”

“Indeed,” Luna’s words were a knife to his heart. If he was honest, he was in quite the dilemma. He could either stay in the land of squeaky voices or return to a place where Hermione and Ron would soon be living in wedded bliss. Suddenly Oz didn’t seem like such a terrible place.

“You should really get going before we begin the next musical number,” Luna replied. 

“Indeed,” he looked down at Crookshanks. “Are you coming with me?”

The half kneazle stood beside him and rubbed his leg. Severus relaxed. “I suppose every Dorothy needs a Toto.”

He began walking down the yellow brick road in blissful silence, Crookshanks close behind. If he remembered the movie right, he would be able to face the challenges with ease, provided he soldier ahead and not pick up any dunderheaded companions.

Chapter Text

So far, things were going better than expected. Granted, Severus expected things to be a complete disaster by this point, so the bar for success was low. Still, he was alone with Crookshanks. There were no dunderheaded companions begging to tag along. He was surrounded by fields of corn as far as the eyes could see. A few crows cawed overhead, soaring through the blue sky. Every once in awhile, Crookshanks stopped to stare at them. It brought a smile to Severus’ face. At least some being was having fun, even if the colors surrounding him were migraine inducing.

One crow landed on the ground, poking its head down to capture an insect crawling along the road. Crookshanks stopped and crouched, his eyes fixed on the bird.

“So Crookshanks, if we don’t stop we’ll be able to get through this section of the road without many issues. If we are lucky we can have this whole journey done within the next couple of hours. It is doubtful anyone will have had time to miss us.”

The crow screeched as Crookshanks leapt towards it. The fact that it flew away did little to dissuade Crookshanks’ pursuit. Severus hadn’t known the half-kneazle could run so quickly, or how easily he could lead them both off track.

“No!” Severus shouted. “We can’t leave the road. We have to stay focused and get to Emerald City without picking up a straggler.” 

Crookshanks was beyond listening. He chased the crow into a field, Severus close behind him. A few choice words came from Severus’ mouth. When all was said and done, Severus was going to find an obedience school for cats and take him there. No tuition would be too much if it kept Crookshanks in line.

After a few yards, the bird was too high in the sky to catch. In a huff, Crookshanks stopped and thumbed up his nose. That bird wasn’t worth capturing anyway.

“You were supposed to stay on the road,” Severus growled as he approached Crookshanks. “We cannot leave the road. Otherwise…”

“Hello?”

Severus groaned. He should’ve just let the blasted cat run into the field and hope he came back on his own time. 

“Hello, is someone there?”

Severus blinked, trying to comprehend the image before him. On a pole was a scarecrow. That in and of itself wasn't surprising. No, what caught his attention was the scarecrow's voice.

“Can you help me?”

Of course Potter would need saving! Even in Oz the boy was hopeless on his own. As if this place couldn’t get anymore obnoxious.

“Let’s go Crookshanks,” Severus whispered.

The cat glanced at him, then at the scarecrow.

“Let’s go before I leave you here,” Severus growled.

Crookshanks stretched.

“I mean it. I am done saving Potter’s arse. He can stay here and think about ways to keep himself from causing any more trouble.”

Severus reached for Crookshanks, but he darted over towards the scarecrow. He raised his fist. “Fine, go save Potter. I’m not helping either of you.”

He spun around and began to stomp away. Who needed a Toto anyway? All he did was look cute while Dorothy did all the heavy lifting. The movie always was careful not to show Dorothy having to clean up the mess Toto had made all over the yellow brick road. There was no need for an animal companion. Crookshanks could chase birds for the rest of eternity for all Severus cared.

“Oh, aren’t you a cute kitty,” the Harry Scarecrow began.

Severus continued towards the road, ignoring the sinking feeling in his stomach. 

“Are you lost little kitty? Do you need someone to help you too?”

Severus slowed his pace. As annoyed as he was with the situation, Hermione would want Crookshanks back when he returned to Hogwarts, assuming he ever did. Even if she chose Ron over him, she deserved her familiar back.

“You’re such a good kitty. You must have an owner,” the Scarecrow continued. “I wish I had an owner who cared enough to let me run around the fields.”

Severus stopped. Was it fair to leave Potter on a pole for the rest of eternity? It did seem to be a miserable life. Perhaps he could free Potter and persuade him not to see the wizard with him. That may not be such a hard feat given that even in the Wizarding World, Potter didn’t have much of a brain. How hard could it be to fool a scarecrow into leaving him alone?  

“Do you know anyone who can help me?” The Scarecrow asked.

“I can’t believe I’m saving Potter again,” Severus grumbled as he stomped towards Harry. “Stupid Potter and his stupid brainless schemes.”

Severus stood before Harry and scowled. “Hello, Potter.”

“Potter?” The Scarecrow asked. “Is that my name?”

“It would appear so,” Even in scarecrow form, Harry had green eyes, and crooked glasses, no doubt as result as having been knocked around by the crows.

“Oh that’s good. I always forget my name, assuming I have one.”

“Let me guess; you don’t have a brain, so you forget things easily.”

His eyes lit up as he smiled. “How did you know?”

“Let’s call it a lucky guess.” Severus went over and began freeing Potter from the pole.

“Oh thank you for helping me,” Scarecrow Potter began. “I got tied to that pole when it became clear I wasn’t scaring too many crows by running around.”

“Imagine that,” Severus untied his left arm, then moved to the right.

“An old crow said I could only do my job if I had a brain. I wish I had one.”

“I do too.”

“What?”

“Nothing,” Severus freed Potter’s other arm. “Hopefully you will fine one someday.” 

“Yes, if only someone would give me one.”

“If only.” Severus freed Potter’s torso from the pole.

“Oh thank you,” Potter shook his straw body and stretched his arms. “I feel so much better already.”

“I am happy to be of service.” Severus looked down at Crookshanks. “Let’s go. You’ve caused enough trouble already.”

Crookshanks was not listening. Instead, he was purring and rubbing against Potter.

“You are such a good cat,” Potter began to pet Crookshanks.

“Traitor,” Severus grumbled. Toto had been a loyal companion. Crookshanks, not so much.

“So, are you a farmer?” Potter asked.

“No, I am simply someone passing by," Severus answered.

“Where are you going?”

“On a vacation to Emerald City.”

“Emerald City.” Potter stood. “Isn’t that where the wizard is?”

“No, the wizard is in munchkin land,” Severus lied.

“I don’t know where that is.”

“It’s that way down the yellow brick road.” Severus pointed to where he had been, in the opposite direction of Emerald City.

“Are you certain?” Harry scratched his chin. “I don’t remember it being that way.”

“I thought you couldn’t remember anything.”

“True, but I have flashes, and I thought I heard a farmer mention that it was that way.” He pointed in the correct direction.

“It is rather unfortunate your memory is so shoddy then.”

“It is.” Potter frowned.

“Okay Crookshanks, let us be off.” Severus made his way towards the yellow brick road, Crookshanks close behind him.

“Hey, I haven’t had a friend in awhile,” Scarecrow Potter began. “Maybe I can go with you to vacation. Once we finish, I can see the wizard.”

“That will not be necessary,” Severus argued. “I’m fine on my own. You should embark on your own quest, as far away from me as possible.”

“But I’m nervous about traveling alone,” Harry bowed his head. “It isn’t easy being straw. There are many things to fear, like fire.”

The image of Molly disappearing into a ball of flames flashed in his mind. On a good day, Potter had few survival instincts. As a scarecrow, he would be helpless around a match.

“Are you sure I can’t go with you?” Potter asked as they continued to make their way through the field. “I won’t eat any of your food, and I can protect you from crows, at least I can once I had a brain.”

Severus exhaled once he reached the road. It was becoming clear that this story was going to play out regardless of his feelings on the matter. “Fine, you can go with us to see the wizard.”

“I can!” Potter clasped his straw hands together.

“Sure, you can ask the wizard for a brain or some other nonsense.”

“Oh thank you.” Harry grabbed him and held him in an embrace. “You won’t regret this, I promise.”

“I already do,” Severus muttered as Potter released him.

“Except,” Harry frowned. “You told me that the wizard was in munchkin land.”

“Yes, well, he was on vacation too, and decided to return to Emerald City.”

“Oh, that makes sense,” Harry replied. “It seems like everyone is on vacation.”

“Indeed,” Severus muttered.

“Oh I’ll be so happy when I have a brain.”

Severus felt a wave of nausea overtake him as he heard the music begin.

“I could while away the hours…”

“No!” 

Crookshanks leapt while Potter closed his mouth.

“The fastest way to get kicked off this little road trip is to start singing,” Severus snapped. “I will not tolerate singing in the slightest. If you want to say something, you may speak, but do not under any circumstances sing.”

“Okay.” Harry cowered.

“I swear Harry…”

“Wait, is my name Harry or Potter?”

“Technically your name is Harry Potter.”

“I like Harry better.”

“Of course you do," Severus grumbled.

“Yeah,” Harry grinned. “It fits me.”

“You can call yourself dunderhead for all I care. That name suits you the most. Regardless, we need to get going.”

Harry blinked. “You’re a bit grumpy today.”

“Actually I’m being downright pleasant given the circumstances,” Severus argued.

“What’s the matter?”

“It’s been a long day, and I need to go home.”

“When I get a brain, I’ll help your day get better.”

“You have had years to do that, and you have always failed.”

“I have?” Harry cocked his head. “I don’t remember.”

“You probably wouldn’t given that I don’t know you in scarecrow form,” Severus admitted.

“What does that mean?”

“Never mind,” Severus answered. “Let’s just go.”

“Well, when I have a brain, I’m going to solve cases,” Harry began as they followed the yellow brick road. “I think I’ll enjoy finding out which crow stole which grain of corn, or which farmer stole the other farmer’s pitchfork.”

“Pitchfork theft an issue in Oz?”

“Oh yes, more than you’d think,” the Scarecrow replied. “It’s become a real crisis here.”

“There’s a wicked witch running around, yet the big crisis in Oz is missing pitchforks?”

“Maybe it isn’t the biggest crisis, but pitchfork theft upsets the farmers. Once I have a brain, I’ll solve all those mysteries for them.”

“I suppose there are worse ways to use a brain than finding lost pitchforks.”

“Yes, then I’d unravel every riddle for my individdle.”

“Okay,” Severus turned to Scarecrow Harry. “Babbling nonsense is just as bad as singing.”

Harry frowned. “You aren’t much fun, are you?”

“There’s a reason I’m called a git,” Severus grumbled.

Crookshanks let out a meow before rushing ahead of Severus.

“Anyway, whatever we do, we should just keep on walking," Severus continued. "There is no reason to stop for any other travelers.”

“Not even her?” Harry pointed up the road.

Severus’ heart stopped as he saw the glisten of the sun against a woman made of tin.

Chapter Text

Even as a tin person, she was the most beautiful woman he’d ever seen. 

Severus observed the tin woman before him. In the movie, the tin man was as tall as the Scarecrow. Yet, this tin person was shorter than him, and not nearly as bulky as the tin man in the movie. The tin point atop the head was present, but behind hers was a ruffle, mimicking her wild mane. Severus had no idea one could mold tin to be so strikingly beautiful.

“Hey tin man,” Scarecrow Harry called as he got within inches of her. “Why aren’t you moving?”

“First of all, this is not a tin man,” Severus began. “She is a tin woman.”

The figure hummed, unable to move her jaw, or any part of her body.

“Oh yes, she needs oil,” Severus glanced around. “I do not remember where the oil can was in the movie though.”

“Maybe the wizard has one.”

“No, it’s around here somewhere,” Severus searched for it. “At least according to the movie.”

“Wow, that movie knows everything." Harry's eyes gleamed.

“It knows more than you anyway,” Severus grumbled. “Now where it that oil can?” 

Crookshanks meowed and strolled over to a stump. Then he pawed the top, pointing out the oil can.

“Thank you, Severus replied, wondering if Crookshanks had always been this intelligent, or if Oz’s magic was more influential on animals than he’d given it credit for. 

Severus took the oil can and began squirting oil onto her jaw. The tin person moved its mouth before looking at him and saying in the familiar, feminine voice which never ceased to brighten his day, “You came back.”

“Came back?” He asked.

“Do you two know each other?” Harry asked.

“I do not know her as a tin person,” Severus glanced at her again.

"What do you mean?" Harry asked.

“I've seen someone like her before. She looked quite different when I last saw her at Hogwarts.”

“Hogwarts?” Harry asked. “What’s a Hogwarts?”

“No place you need to be concerned with,” Severus began squirting the oil can into her left arm joints.

“So you don’t know me?” She asked, her disappointment evident.

“I fear not,” Severus answered. “Though if I had to guess, your name is Hermione.”

“How did you know that?” She moved her left arm.

“Lucky guess,” Severus began squirting her right arm.

“Severus is really good at guessing things,” Harry replied. “I think it’s because he has a brain.”

“I take it you don’t have a brain,” Hermione replied. 

“No,” Harry frowned. “I don’t.”

“That’s better than my predicament.” Tin Woman Hermione flexed her right arm as Severus began oiling her leg joints. 

“What’s wrong with you?” Harry asked.

“I don’t have a heart,” she answered.

“You don’t have a heart?” Severus met her eyes. He knew the story of the Tin Man, but something was off. Hermione had the biggest heart he’d ever had the pleasure of knowing. That’s why she was able to tolerate him at his surliest, and be his friend amidst his various foul moods. How could she be a tin woman with no heart?

“Yes, my heart was destroyed during my last accident,” Hermione continued.

“Last accident?” Severus asked as he worked on her feet joints.

“Yes,” Hermione answered. "I've had several accidents over the last few years."

“Why did you have so many accidents?” Harry asked. “Were you being careless with your axe?”

“No, I got on the wrong side of the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“Did she screech you to death?” Severus asked with a hint of humor.

“I wish she had left it at screeching, though when I was a woman she gave me quite the headache every time I saw her.”

"I can relate. Just looking at her is enough to give me a migraine."

"Indeed."

“Why did you have so many accidents? You don't look like the kind of person to be so careless,” Severus asked.

“It all began a few years ago. I was in love with a prince, but I caught the eye of one of the Wicked Witch’s flying monkeys.”

“Wait,” Severus shook his head. “Flying monkeys are interested in people?”

“Yes, it’s uh, weird, but it does happen,” she admitted as she moved her leg joints.

“That’s weird,” Scarecrow Harry admitted.

“It isn’t the most normal thing admittedly, but that’s neither here nor there,” she replied. “Anyway, I turned down the Wicked Witch of the West’s flying monkey, and she became irate. She enchanted my axe so I would have various accidents. First I lost the left arm, then my right, then various other parts until I was made of pure tin with no heart.”

“What happened to the prince and the flying monkey?” Severus asked.

“The flying monkey saw that I was tin and lost interest. As for the prince,” a tear came to her eye. “I don’t know what became of him. When I began turning into tin he no longer acknowledged me. He was convinced I was in love with the flying monkey, and never let me explain my side of the story.”

“Dunderhead,” Severus muttered before oiling her jaw once more to prevent it from freezing. Then, he brushed away her tear.

“I thought he would come back one day," she continued.

“But he never did.”

Hermione appeared as if she would tear up again.

“Please do not cry. I only have so much oil,” Severus replied in a tender voice.

"Okay," her eyes dried.

“What did you do while you waited for him?” Harry asked.

“I busied myself with my working cutting wood. I would’ve gotten more enjoyment out of reading, but I needed to move my body. Romance stories were too depressing as well.”

“I can relate,” Severus mumbled.

“Isn’t it a little reckless to continue using an axe if it’s enchanted to cause accidents?” Harry asked.

Severus didn’t dare indicate that he thought this was one of the few intelligent questions Harry had ever asked, scarecrow or not.

“I suppose it was, but what else was there to do? I needed to be busy, and I missed the prince,” more tears trickled down her cheek. “I thought if I could busy myself it wouldn’t hurt so much that he wasn’t there. I thought…”

Her jaw rusted before she could finish speaking. Severus took the oil can and loosened it again.

“Thank you,” she replied.

“Indeed, though I would suggest you cry as little as possible. I won’t always be here with a can of oil.” He dried her tears again

“Oh?”

“Yes, he’s going on vacation to Emerald City,” Harry replied.

“That may have been a bit of a stretch,” Severus admitted. “In reality, I am not from here.”

“You’re from Hogwarts,” Hermione replied. 

“Yes.” He was tempted to run his fingers through her tin hair, but he feared in the sunlight it would burn his hand.

“So why are you going to Emerald City?” 

“Because if I remember this story right, the wizard is going to help me go home.”

“He is?” She asked.

“Yes, or so I think,” Severus answered. “I may be misremembering the movie.”

“What’s a movie?” Harry asked.

“Nothing you’d understand.”

“See, that’s why I need to see the wizard. I want to understand what a movie is.”

“I’m sure you do,” Severus muttered.

“Hey,” Harry smiled and pointed to Hermione. “Maybe the wizard can give you a heart.”

“Do you think so?” She asked as her eyes glistened.

Severus looked at Hermione. Even in tin form, she had that gentleness in her eyes. If anyone deserved a heart, it would be her. Severus cleared his throat. “I think if the wizard heard your story, he would do whatever he could to help.”

“Oh thank you,” Hermione leapt up and moved her body. “First you save my body, and then you give me hope for a heart. I don’t know how I’ll ever be able to repay you.”

“Don’t date a dunderhead and we’ll call it even.”

“Trust me, when I have my heart I’ll be able to love the right man with everything in me.”

“And when I have my brain, I’ll be able to tell you who is worth your time and who is not,” Harry replied.

“And when I go home I’ll be rid of you both,” Severus said.

“Hey,” Harry noted. “That’s the first grumpy thing you’ve said since meeting Hermione.”

“How can anyone be grumpy when they’re about to see the wizard?” Hermione asked with a smile.

Severus’ stomach sank. He was beginning to hear the background music again.

“When a girl’s an empty kettle she should be on her mettle, and yet I’m torn apart…”

“No!”

The music once again stopped, Hermione glanced over at Severus, who was now scowling.

“I do not tolerate singing,” he answered. “It gets on my last nerve.”

“Why? You look like you’d have a lovely singing voice,” she replied.

“Perhaps if I’m alone in the shower I sing somewhat adequately, but I am hopeless in public.”

“Oh a shower,” Hermione’s eyes grew dreamy. “I used to love showers and walking in the rain. I do miss water sometimes, or at least I miss not being afraid of it.”

“I suppose I can understand the sentiment,” Severus answered. “The last time it rained I got swept up into a tornado.”

“What’s a tornado?” Harry asked.

“It’s a funnel cloud of wind which apparently throws shacks on witches.”

“Is the Wicked Witch of the West dead?” Hermione asked.

“No, but if I had my way she would be,” Severus answered.

“You and half of Oz,” she replied.

"I killed the Wicked Witch of the East, and have earned Molly's ire for it."

"You have my deepest sympathy." 

“Mrow.”

“Oh aren’t you cute!” Hermione gushed as she held out her arms.

Crookshanks leapt into them and purred. Severus felt a pang in his chest. Did Hermione miss Crookshanks right now? How devastated was she that the half kneazle had chased him out into the shack? Was she despairing of ever seeing him again?

“Why are you standing there? Do you want to see the wizard or not?” Harry asked as he began wandering down the yellow brick road.

“Of course,” Severus followed him, Hermione in tow. A few times she danced around, gleeful to be free of her rusty imprisonment. Severus kept the oil can close to him, just in case she needed it. Even if she was pining after a prince who didn’t deserve her, it was gratifying to see her have a moment of joy. It was too bad he could not be the person giving it to her.

Chapter Text

Severus had to admit, half his companions were not dunderheads. Hermione was as intelligent and kind as she had been in his world. Harry was, well, Harry. One out of two of his new companions not being an idiot was a pleasant surprise.

Yet there was a third companion coming up, one which piqued Severus’ curiosity. It was clear Oz and Hogwarts were cut from the same cloth. Which person would play the role of the Cowardly Lion?

Crookshanks leapt from Hermione’s arms and strutted down the road, tail held high. He few times he swatted at the butterflies wafting by. Severus suppressed a smile. The cat had always amused him more than he cared to admit.

“Do you suppose we’ll meet any wild animals?” Scarecrow Harry asked as they wandered through the dark woods.

“Undoubtedly,” Severus answered, knowing a newcomer was due to appear at any moment.

“Animals that eat straw?” Harry asked.

“Technically Crookshanks plays with straw, so you’ve already met one animal which is a danger to you,” Severus noted.

“Oh no,” Hermione bent down to to pet the orange half kneazle. “Crookshanks wouldn’t hurt anyone, would he?”

Crookshanks gave her the most innocent look he could. Severus rolled his eyes. Suck up.

“I think the animals who come through here are mostly lions and tigers and bears,” Tin Woman Hermione continued.

“Lions,” Severus noted.

“Tigers?” Harry asked in a much more alarmed voice.

“And bears,” Hermione’s voice had a shake to it.

Both Tin Woman Hermione and Scarecrow Harry looked at Severus. “What? I have nothing to say on the matter.”

“But there are animals around,” Hermione replied. “Don’t you have anything to say about that?”

“There are animals, and they are predators. What else is there to say?”

“Doesn’t that fact scare you at all?” Harry asked.

He sighed, knowing the line. “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my.”

“Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!” Hermione and Harry repeated. “Lions and tigers and bears, oh my!”

Severus bit back a groan. This was almost as obnoxious as breaking into song. Perhaps it was time to implement a rule baring chanting and repeating cheesy movie lines.

Harry and Hermione sped up the pace as they continued saying their insipid chorus. Severus moved ahead of them. The sooner they were out of this woods the better it would be for his sanity.

Before Severus could think too deeply on the matter, a roar came from the trees. A lion leapt out, baring his teeth. Hermione and Harry stumbled backwards, while Severus looked on with a bored expression. 

At the end of the day, Neville was still Neville.

Lion Neville roared again and leapt at the group. Crookshanks meowed and scratched Lion Neville’s nose. He jumped back and held it in his paws. “Ouch, ouch.”

“Hello Neville,” Severus deadpanned.

“Ow, you know my name?” He looked up.

“Yes.”

“How?”

“Lucky guess,” Severus and Harry said in unison.

“Wow,” Neville replied in awe before looking at his nose. A tear came to his eyes. “Ow, oh ouch that hurt.”

“There’s no need to be a baby about this. It’s just a small scratch,” Severus snapped.

“It hurts,” Neville whined.

“You will be fine, I promise."

“You, you don’t seem afraid of me.”

“Is there a reason I should be?”

“I jumped out at you.”

“So?” Severus rolled his eyes.

“So you weren’t scared at all?” He asked.

“How could I be scared when your roaring was so pathetic and you couldn't even frighten a cat?”

Crookshanks raised his tail high and gave him the kind of smug look only a cat could give.

“None of you was scared?” Neville glanced up.

“Uh,” Scarecrow Harry looked at Tin Woman Hermione.

“We were terrified,” she began.

“Yes, absolutely scared out of our minds,” Harry replied.

“I was borderline startled,” Severus deadpanned.

“Oh I knew it,” Neville slumped onto the ground. “I’m not terrifying at all.”

“That isn’t true,” Hermione argued.

“Yes it is,” Severus replied.

She poked him in the ribs with her elbow. He bit his tongue to keep from yelping. It hurt more when she was made of tin than when she was flesh and blood.

“Oh I’m just a coward,” Neville moaned. “A cowardly lion.”

“Indeed,” Severus replied, bemoaning the fact that this was to be his new traveling companion.

“It’s so difficult, because I’m the King of the Beasts, but even a little pussy cat scares me,” he pointed to Crookshanks.

The orange tabby hissed, causing Lion Neville to jump back. Severus choked back his laugher. 

“Hey, I know,” Harry began.  

Severus went cold. No, Harry couldn’t be doing what he thought he was doing.

“You should come see the wizard with us,” Harry continued.

“Yes,” Hermione added. “He’s going to give me a heart, Harry a brain, and he’s going to send Severus home.”

Neville glanced at Severus.

“It’s a long story, but Crookshanks, my cat, and I find ourselves in a foreign land," Severus explained. "We are desperately attempting to leave with our sanity intact."

“Do you think he could give me courage?” Neville asked.

“Sure,” Harry answered. “The wizard can do anything.”

“Wait, who said the wizard can do anything?” Severus demanded.

“Can’t he?” Harry asked.

“In theory yes, but something seems off about all this, like there’s going to be,” Severus’ voice grew softer, “strings attached.”

“What strings?” Hermione asked.

“I fear finding out.”

“I am too,” Neville cried. “I should just go home now.”

“No, please don’t,” Hermione replied. “Even if there are strings attached, it’s worth trying to see what the wizard can do, if only so you can say you’ve tried everything to be courageous.”

Neville looked at Severus.

“You may as well. Dorothy had three companions, so I suppose I must too,” Severus grumbled.

“Who’s Dorothy?” Neville asked.

“Someone from a movie I saw,” Severus answered.

“Judging from your expression you didn’t care much for the movie” Hermione noted.

“I despised the movie. It was sweet, saccharine, and I never understood the moral,” Severus answered.

“What was it?”

“Something about the power of friendship and being happy to be home.”

“I believe in the power of friendship,” Neville perked up.

“Yes, with friendship we can do anything,” Hermione said.

“Even give me my nerve.”

Severus scowled. The music was starting again.

“Yes it’s sad believe me gitty,” Neville began.

“Why does everyone insist on calling me a git?” Severus retorted. “Are there no other creative names one could use to describe me?”

“When you are scared of a kitty. Without the vim and verve.”

“If you don’t stop singing I will force Crookshanks to scratch your nose again!”

Neville stopped before cowering. Crookshanks began bathing himself, ignoring the chaos around him.

“Is there a reason you are being such an arse?” Hermione demanded. 

Severus blinked. He didn’t hear anyone cuss like that in the movie.

“For the life of me I cannot understand you,” she continued. “One minute you are sweet, gentle, and helpful. You even took time to save me from rusting. Then, you’re snapping and snarling at everyone. It’s like you’re two different people.”

“I am who I am,” he argued.

“Try to be a better version of yourself,” she argued. “I may not have a heart, but even I know you are out of line in how you treat others.”

“Are you sure you don’t have a heart?” Severus asked.

“Yes,” she argued as she touched her torso. “I’ve pounded on my tin chest several times. It’s empty. I don’t have a heart.”

“Wow, she has a lot of courage talking to him like that,” Neville began.

“Stick with us and you’ll learn to have courage too,” Scarecrow Harry replied.

“Either that, or the wizard will give it to you,” Tin Woman Hermione answered.

“Indeed,” Harry said.

“Well,” Neville smiled. “I guess we’re off to the see the wizard.”

“The wonderful wizard of Oz!” Hermione and Harry exclaimed behind him.

Severus shook his head and led them along the yellow brick road.

He knew he should’ve just left Crookshanks in that corn field before he could pick up these dunderheads.

***

In a darkened castle, Wicked Witch of the West Molly stood above a crystal ball. Her face was a reddish green as she watched Severus wander down the yellow brick road. Those silver boots were still on his person, and not in her possession. 

How had he managed to get this far anyway? Nobody had ever made it down the yellow brick road alone. What made him special?

She then noted a scarecrow beside him. Strange choice of companion given how fragile they could be. One ball of flame and he’d be out of the way. Beside the scarecrow was a lion. Why was the lion not eating them? Either he had a great sense of self-control, or he was too cowardly to attack.

Then another person came into view. Molly gasped in recognition.

“No,” Molly whispered. “It can’t be.”

She cast a spell so the image in the ball would become clearer. Her eyes did not deceive her. That fourth companion was Hermione, the tin woodswoman.

“I thought I took care of you!” Molly slammed her fists into the table, nearly knocking over the ball. “I thought you were as good as dead!”

Molly snarled before yelling, “Ronald! Get over here!”

A flying monkey with red hair approached her. “Yes?”

“Your little tin ex-girlfriend is causing problems for me again!”

“How? I thought you killed her,” he replied.

“I did, but somehow that pesky Severus revived her!” She yelled. “First he steals my shoes, which I may add look terrible on him, and then he undoes my brilliant punishment for that glorified tin can. Well, no more! He’s not going to interfere with me anymore!”

Ron gulped, afraid of what was to come next.

“I want you to chase those four away from the yellow brick road into the grove of apple trees. Cedrealla and Bilius will take things from there.”

“What if Cedrealla and Bilius can’t get to them?”

“Just do as I say!” Molly shrieked. “We are going to take care of this boot problem and this tin woman issue once and for all! Severus and Hermione will both pay, even if it’s the last thing I do!”

Ron flew through an open window, knowing full well what would happen if he continued arguing with the witch. Molly cackled as he left. 

All four of those nincompoops were going to wish they’d never heard the name Molly, Wicked Witch of the West!

Chapter Text

If Bellatrix and Molly were arguing over these shoes because they were the most comfortable pair in existence, Severus couldn't blame them. He’d been walking for miles, and his feet continued to feel cushioned. It was like casting a foot massage spell which never faded. He was tempted to ask the wizard if he could keep them when he returned home. It would certainly make brewing on a stone floor for hours at a time more bearable.

“Severus?”

“Yes?” He turned to Scarecrow Harry.

“Which do you think is better, a brain or a heart?” Harry asked.

“A brain,” Severus answered. “Hearts can be crushed beyond repair, but knowledge lasts forever.”

“I told you I was right,” Harry held up a fist as he danced towards Tin Woman Hermione.

“Yes, but what good is knowledge if there’s nobody to share it with?” She asked. “What’s life if there’s nobody to discuss your findings with?”

“There’s no shame in keeping something to yourself.”

“But if it’s life-changing knowledge, wouldn't you want to share it?”

“Yes, but you don’t need to go home to anyone to do it. You can share knowledge in a journal or book. There is no need to live with anyone to share knowledge.”

“That sounds so lonely, only being surrounded by books instead of with someone who loves you.” 

“Being alone isn’t terrible,” Once Severus said that, he wasn't sure if it was true. A year ago he believed that statement with his entire existence. Ever since Hermione and barged into his life, he was beginning to doubt the benefits of eternal solitude. Why had he been foolish enough to allow this witch into his life and heart?

“Yes, but I would love nothing more than to see someone after a long day of chopping wood. After all, books can’t keep one warm on a snowy night,” she answered. 

“That’s true,” Neville chimed in. “And it would be terrible if there was nobody to share your knowledge with.”

“As mentioned earlier, you can always publish in journals,” Severus offered. “Nobody needs to love you to read what you’ve written.”

“Yes, and publications last forever,” Harry answered. “That’s why I want one, so people know I’m brilliant.”

“Since when were you interested in publications?” Severus asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Since Hermione told me about them twenty minutes ago.”

“Of course she did.”

“I want people to know me for my brain, not for running around a cornfield like an idiot.”

“I cannot fault you for that.”

“Anyway,” Harry continued. “I think giving people knowledge helps grow their understanding. With more understanding, they may have more of a heart.”

“Yes, but you must have an open heart first," Hermione replied.

“And an open mind," Harry answered.

“And the courage to do both,” Lion Neville chimed in.

“I suppose when put that way all three traits are quite important,” Severus conceded.

“Yes, if only one of us could have all three,” Neville replied.

“Perhaps the wizard can grant us all of them,” Harry suggested.

“That may not be advisable,” Hermione warned. “We shouldn’t get too greedy. One wish at a time may be prudent.”

“If I recall correctly, he only grants one wish per person,” Severus answered. 

“Well, then I want  a brain,” Harry replied.

“And I want courage,” Neville answered.

“And I want a heart, even if it can be broken,” she replied in a softer voice.

“And I want to go home,” he turned to Crookshanks. “As does he.”

Crookshanks stopped and growled. 

“You cannot be serious about wanting to stay here.” Severus frowned.

Crookshanks hissed. He unsheathed his claws as his hair stuck up.

“What is wrong with you?” Severus asked.

A cloud of smoke was before them. Severus nearly choked on it before it cleared, exposing a flying monkey who looked exactly like a man he despised.

Of course Ron was a flying monkey. Why wouldn’t he be? Severus only hoped he didn't sing about it.

“You can’t go past this point,” Ron began.

“Why? Is there a toll I must pay?” Severus replied. 

“No.”

“Then why can’t I pass through?”

“Because I said you can’t.”

“Now you listen,” Neville stood between his companions and Ron. “We are going to go down this road whether you like it or not.”

“I don’t like it,” Ron raised his wings. “So you can’t go.”

Crookshanks leapt towards Ron, landing on his back. The red head screeched as he flew around, trying to get the feline off his back.

“Wow, Crookshanks is brave,” Neville began.

“Almost too brave,” Severus raced after the flying monkey. Crookshanks was infamous for not being a fan of the Weasleys. That may have even been why he followed Severus out to the shack; to get away from the red headed interloper. Severus never suspected this hatred would boil over into attacking the red haired menace. Under any other circumstance Severus would be impressed. 

Too bad he was more interested in leaving a musical than being awed by a Crookshanks' fighting abilities.

“Where are you going?” Harry asked before pointing to the yellow brick road. “The road goes that way.”

“I can’t leave him to his fate.” Severus ran after the sputtering monkey.

The trio of Oz creatures ran after him, deeper into the forest, away from the yellow brick road. Severus took note of where he was running, lest he need to find his way. 

Soon he was in a grove of trees. A shudder ran up his spine as he noted how different they appeared from others. 

Ron grabbed Crookshanks and met Severus’ eyes. “Do you want your cat, you old greasy git?”

“No, I just followed you into the forest because I’m captivated by your charming personality.”

Ron frowned. 

“Since we are here though, I would appreciate you giving Crookshanks back," he demanded.

“How about you go get him?” He threw Crookshanks towards a tree.

Without thinking, Severus raced over and grabbed Crookshanks before he could collide into the trunk. The half-kneazle turned around and tried to charge at Ron again, but Severus held him close, somehow balancing him and the can of oil.

“You’re an idiot if you think you stand a chance with ‘Mione,” he continued. “She can do better than you, and you know it. If you were a smart man you’d leave her in these woods and go home yourself. Also, if you were smart you’d give the Wicked Witch of the West those shoes.”

“You know Weasley,” Severus stepped away from the trees. “I was ready to give Molly these shoes until she started making such a fuss over them. Now, she will be lucky if I ever let her near them. Tell her I am keeping them out of spite.”

“Have it your way.”

“Severus?” 

He turned around. Hermione, Harry, and Neville were standing near the trees, almost too close to them.

“No," Severus called. “Don’t go near those.”

His warning came too late. The trees grabbed his friends and held them close. The trees reached for Severus, but he leapt out of reach of their branches. 

“Have fun,” Ron waved before flying off.

Severus looked at the trees. Both appeared to be elderly people, Severus had seen before, perhaps on the Weasley family tree. Despite their age old appearance, the apples looked appealing.. He hadn’t realized it before, but he was getting hungry. Was there a way to release his companions and get some food?

“What’s wrong Severus?” The male tree asked. “Are you afraid to go near me?”

“No,” Harry replied. “He’s just hungry.”

“Hungry?” The female tree asked.

“Yes, hungry,” Harry turned to Severus. “How long has it been since you’ve eaten?”

“It’s been,” Severus shifted. “I had a large dinner last night, but I’ve been traveling most of the day without breakfast or lunch. I am famished.”

“You should probably go get some food then,” Harry answered. “Go on and find some without us.”

“And just leave us?” Neville asked. 

“Does he have a choice? He’s going to starve if he stays here and thinks of ways to avoid being grabbed. It’s best he leaves to find food now.”

Severus stared at Harry. Even at Hogwarts Harry was’t this noble. What was his game?

“He’d better go on without us,” Harry continued. “If we’re lucky he’ll get the wizard to free us.”

“Harry, that could take months,” Hermione cried.

“Yes, and I’ll starve too if that happens,” Neville argued.

“Yes, but what food is there for him?” Harry asked. “There are only apple trees here, very moldy, non-ripe apple trees.”

“What did you just say about my apples?” The male tree grabbed the trio tighter.

“He’s right,” Severus’ eyes flashed in understanding. “Your apples appear atrocious. I’m better off going ahead to Emerald City and finding some apples there.”

“Our apples are much better than those found in Emerald City!” The female tree yelled.

“Yes,” the male tree argued. “They are of the highest quality in Oz.”

“I highly doubt that,” Severus replied. “Their apples are much redder, and juicier.”

“I’ll show you good apples,” The female tree yelled as she dropped the Tin Woman and the Lion.

“No, ignore her. Mine are better,” the male tree dropped Harry and grabbed his apples.

Together, the trees began pelting Severus with apples. He captured a few as the others ran. Once he had his fill, he took off with Crookshanks.

“Harry,” Hermione began after they reached the yellow brick road. “That was bloody brilliant.”

“Indeed,” Severus answered. “I had not expected such quick thinking out of you.”

“If you’re impressed now, just wait until I have a brain. I’ll be much wiser then.” Harry grinned.

“Sure,” Severus still doubted it, but he had more food than he did an hour ago, which made the detour worth it.

“Why don’t we allow Severus to sit and eat?” Hermione suggested. “It has been quite some time since he’s had any food, and Emerald City is still some distance away. He’ll need his strength to see the wizard.”

“I am amenable to stopping for a bite.” Severus sat on the side of the road. “Except, what will Neville and Crookshanks eat?”

Crookshanks held up a stray mouse he’d found, while Neville took an apple. The Lion explained, “I’m an omnivore.”

“You are?” Severus took a bite of an apple.

“Yes, I love watching plants grow and learning all about them. In order to find the perfect plant though, you have to know all about it. For fruits, this means judging their taste. I love a good apple,” Neville replied before taking a bite.

“I must admit these applies are quite delicious.” Severus took another bite.

“I agree.” Neville took another bite of his apple.”These really are some of the best in Oz.”

“They are better than the ones at Hogwarts anyway,” Severus took another bite.

“Do you miss eating?” Harry asked Hermione.

“Sometimes,” her eyes grew misty. “What I miss more is the company I had while eating.”

“Anyone in particular?” Severus asked.

“Namely the prince,” she answered. “The prince and I used to share meals together. Some of my best memories of him are him pretending to hate a meal, when you could tell by his eyes that he loved it.”

“I do not understand how you can say you don’t have a heart, yet you miss this dunderhead so much,” Severus swallowed.

“He wasn’t a dunderhead.”

“He left you when you became tin and never bothered to listen to your side of the story. I doubt he even asked what had become of you. That sounds like a dunderhead to me.”

“You have no idea what he was like.”

“I know the type, and he isn’t worth your time.” Severus continued eating.

“If only you knew my prince,” Hermione whispered. “If only you knew him.”

Chapter Text

Severus had seen poppies like this before. They only bloomed in springtime in the remotest parts of the Nebraska badlands. If they were few in number, they posed no great threat. If there were hundreds of them, such as there were in this field, they were a great danger..

“Oh aren’t they beautiful,” Neville began before bouncing towards the flowers.

Severus grabbed his tail and yanked him back. He yowled before glaring at him.

“Do not go in there,” Severus warned, unfazed by Neville’s expression. “Those are Mac somnorous.”

“What’s that?” Harry asked.

“A kind of poppy that when grown in large quantities puts one into a deep sleep from which they may never awaken,” Severus explained.

“Huh, I don’t feel tired,” Harry noted.

“That’s because you’re made of straw. You wouldn’t become tired given you can't inhale a thing.”

“Oh yeah I wouldn’t.” He gave them a small grin. “I guess there is some benefit to being straw after all.”

“Indeed,” Severus scratched his chin as he examined the field. “Hermione should be fine too since she is made of tin.”

“I haven’t been tired since my last accident. I’ll manage just fine,” she replied.

“So how do we get through this field?” Neville asked. “I can breathe, meaning I’ll inhale them and get sleepy.”

“In the movie, the Good Witch of the North made it snow, killing the poppies,” Severus noted. “Unfortunately, I’ve lost her phone number, so that’s out of the question.”

Harry shook his head. “I can’t wait to learn what a phone is.”

“Trust me, it isn’t that exciting.”

“Oh.”

Severus scratched his chin. “I suppose I can try to apparate us across." 

Crookshanks let out a meow before sniffing the flowers. Severus picked him up and held him close. “No, don’t do that.”

Crookshanks growled but did not move in his arms.

“Anyway, I can try to apparate," Severus began. "That could get us across."

“I take it I’ll never know what that is,” Harry replied with a frown.

“Sadly, no. A scarecrow cannot apparate, no matter how many brains he has.”

“Why not?” Hermione asked.

“You need magic to do so."

"Like the Wicked Witch of the West?"

"Something like that. Now please, let me try to apparate.” Severus focused as much as he could on how the Emerald City appeared in the movie. The image was as clear in his mind as if he'd been there.

Nothing happened.

He tried harder, with no different of a result. Then, he exhaled. “My magic is no good here.”

“Fabulous,” Neville muttered.

“Perhaps we could carry you,” Hermione suggested.

“We?”

“Yes,” she replied. “If Harry and I can’t breathe in the fumes, we could carry you across the field.”

“Doubtful,” Severus replied. “In the movie the Tin Man and the Scarecrow couldn’t carry a sixteen year old girl across the field. You’d be hopeless carrying a full grown man.”

“This isn’t the movie.”

“But everything’s played out like the movie, including this field.”

“Why don’t we just go around it?” Neville suggested.

“This field could go on for miles, and there’s no guarantee once we pass it we won’t be so lost we can’t find the way to Emerald City,” Severus answered.

“Then it looks like carrying you is our best option,” Hermione replied.

“But the Tin Man and Scarecrow couldn’t do it.”

“Maybe they tried to carry too many people at once,” Hermione suggested. “If we carry you and Crookshanks first, then Neville, we may have better luck than they did in the movie.”

Severus didn’t appear convinced. The cat in his arms wasn’t impressed with the plan either.

“Do you have a better idea?” Harry asked.

“No,” Severus admitted.

“Then why not try it?” Harry asked.

“Fine,” Severus shook his head. “You can try carrying me, but if you fail, then take Crookshanks and find the wizard. Surely you two can manage to carry him on your own.”

“I think so,” Harry eyed Crookshanks warily as the half kneazle pawed at him. “Unless he plays with my straw.”

“That would be unfortunate,” Severus replied before Hermione lifted him on her back.

“See, you aren’t that heavy,” she began.

“You have no idea how long this field goes on for.”

“We’ll get further if you two stop talking and enact your plan,” Neville noted.

“I’ll hold my breath as long as I can,” Severus began before taking a deep breath.

“Very well then,” Hermione began carrying him through the field, Harry running ahead with a Crookshanks pawing at his arms.

As Severus was carried through the field, he wondered what the other Hogwarts professors would think of him. He was clinging to a can of oil like it was the most precious item in existence, he was running through a field he would advise anyone against entering, and he was being carried by a tin person. It was as surreal as any technicolor movie ever was.

He took one breath.

The ride wasn’t too terrible. He wasn’t feeling too drowsy, not like he had when he was recovering from Nagini's bite. After her bite he’d been in a coma for two weeks. Even after waking up he was exhausted. The only time he wasn’t exhausted was when Hermione came to see him in the hospital. She had a way of giving him energy, even if he was loathe to admit it.

“How are you doing back there?”

Severus didn’t answer. Didn’t she know answering him involved breathing?

“Knock once on my shoulder if you’re fine, twice if you’re sleepy.”

He knocked once as he stared out at the fields. Neville was getting smaller, and he couldn’t hear Scarecrow Harry. They must’ve gone ahead. Perhaps Hermione was stronger than he’d given her credit for. Human Hermione was quite strong, especially when defending those she loved.

Another breath.

Hermione. Just the name was enough to relax his body. Rubbing oil on tin was one thing, but to feel a human’s skin would be divine. He’d always wondered what her skin felt like. It must be soft, so soft, soft as freshly dried sheets.

Another breath.

“How are you doing back there?” Tin Woman Hermione was slowing down. Severus didn’t mind. She could keep going slower. Somehow he’d find a way to be with her again, somehow.

“Severus?”

He didn’t feel Hermione trip over his dead weight.

***

If Hermione still had a heart, it would be racing. From what she could guess, she hadn’t made it halfway through the field without dropping him. She only hoped he wasn’t injured.

She gazed at him, eyes closed in the poppies, a can of oil grasped in his hands. It had been years since she’d seen a man asleep, so at peace with the world. The last time was so powerful, so life-affirming…

Her tin body jolted awake. No, she couldn’t stare at him, not when he needed to get across.

“Severus?” She asked.

No answer.

“Severus!” She called as she shook him.

“What’s wrong?” Harry approached her.

“Keep going, Severus is asleep,” Hermione panicked.

“Severus is asleep?” Harry set Crookshanks down.

“Harry go on! He told you to carry Crookshanks to safety if something happened to him.”

“You need help carrying him.”

“No, I can do it on my own.” She raised him onto her back, but he was nothing like a tree branch. A tree could be made into a lever, but he was deadweight, pure deadweight.

“Here, you can’t keep him on your back like that,” Harry noted. “You’ll have to carry him in your arms.” 

“Are you sure that’s advisable?” Hermione asked.

“Why wouldn’t it be?” 

“He may feel violated, like I’m taking advantage of the situation to get closer to him.” 

“Why would he think you’re violating him? He told you to carry him, and you’re carrying him. There's no issue.”

Hermione hummed in concession.

“Here, reposition him like this,” Harry shifted Severus’ body, “and take him in your arms.”

Hermione took him as gently as she could. After repositioning him in her arms, she resumed carrying him through the fields.

“How heavy is he?” Harry asked as he walked beside her.

“Honestly, not heavy at all,” Hermione replied. “Once I got him off my back he wasn’t so hard to carry. I’ve carried trees much heavier than him.”

“You look happy holding him.”

“Happy may be a strong word.” She directed her attention to the man in her arms. “But he does look at peace when he sleeps. For that, I am happy.”

“You really care for him, don’t you?”

“As much as any tin woman can care for a friend,” her voice was quieter. 

“You’re a great friend to him,” Harry noted. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you like him more than you like your prince.”

“Nobody will ever be my prince.”

“Of course not, but if you ever wanted to move on…”

“He would go right home to Hogwarts and I’d be left here.”

“True.”

Hermione stepped onto the first patch of grass. “That wasn’t so terrible.”

“No,” Harry walked a little outside of the field. “But have we given any thought to how to wake up Severus, Crookshanks, and when we bring him here, Neville?”

“I was honestly hoping you had some idea of how to do that.”

“How could I have any ideas? I’m a brainless scarecrow.”

“True.”

“Here, you have the brains, or at least as much as any tin person could have,” Harry began. “I’ll carry Neville here while you watch over Severus and Crookshanks. Then, we’ll think of something.”

“And by we’ll, you mean me," she replied.

“Wow, you are smart. No wonder you are asking for a heart instead of a brain,” Harry skipped down the field.

Hermione shook her head before turning her attention to Severus. He was still asleep, his breathing even, the frown lines on his face less prominent. How long had it been since he’d last slept? Walking around for so long must have tired him out. Hermione remembered fatigue being unpleasant, something she fought in order to stay up and read one more book, or spend a few extra minutes with her prince. Perhaps it would not be so harmful to let him sleep for a time.

At some point, they needed some way to awaken him. The rising sun had awakened Hermione when she was a human. Given that it was late afternoon, that would not be an option. What would help?

“Okay, I should’ve asked for your help,” Harry slouched over before throwing Neville off his back. “Lions are heavy.”

“I probably should’ve gone given I’m used to carrying heavier objects,” she replied.

“Maybe.” He positioned Neville into a more comfortable position. “So, did you think of anything?”

“Well,” her eyes lit up. “Severus mentioned the Witch of the North, but I don’t know how to reach her.”

“Perhaps if we call her name she’ll come.”

“I think her name is Minerva.”

“I don’t know her name, so we’ll go with that name.”

“Okay.” Hermione looked to the sky. “Minerva? Minerva are you there?”

“Right here.”

A woman in a pink powdery dress stood before them. She grinned as she extended her wand with a silver star. 

“Oh thank goodness,” Hermione began. “We’re in a bit of a tight spot. See, we just walked Severus, Crookshanks, and Neville through this field of poppies, but we have no idea how to wake them up.”

“Don’t worry,” Minerva replied. “The spell wears off naturally in two days.”

“Two days?” Harry began. “That’s a long time.”

“Yes, and Ron may attack us again in the meantime,” Hermione replied.

“Ron has attacked you?” Minerva frowned.

“Yes.”

“So Molly hasn’t given up on her quest for the shoes.”

“If she was the one who sent Ron, then no.”

“Oh dear.” Minerva tutted. “It would be a disaster if Molly were to get her hands on those shoes. She would destroy Oz with them.”

“How?” Harry asked.

“You don’t want to know the things she has in store for Oz if she gains possession of those shoes,” Minerva warned.

“What do we do then?” Hermione asked. “We have to wake up Severus, Crookshanks, and Neville. We can’t sit here for two days waiting for Molly to attack us.”

“I will wake them up under one condition.”

“What?” Hermione and Harry asked in unison.

“You must never allow Molly to gain possession of those shoes,” Minerva began as a few sparks fell from her wand. “You must do everything in your power to keep those shoes on Severus’ feet.”

“That’s a large responsibility,” Harry noted.

“Yes, and I’m not sure Severus would appreciate us making this promise for him,” Hermione noted. “He may find himself in a situation where he’s willing to give them up.”

“I’ll protect the shoes.”

Everyone looked down at Neville, who had one eye halfway open. He yawned and continued. “I’ll keep the shoes from falling into Molly’s hands.”

“I will too,” Hermione vowed.

“Yes, I will too,” Harry added.

“You’ve all made a very wise decision.” Minerva swirled her wand around Neville, Severus, and Crookshanks. “Trezi dormitori, trezi.”

With a mighty stretch and yawn, Neville rose. Severus’ eyes fluttered open. Minerva poofed away before Severus could see her.

“Where’s the snow?” Severus muttered. 

“Nowhere,” Hermione answered.

“Hermione was able to carry you all the way to the end of the field, and I was able to carry Crookshanks and Neville,” Harry answered. “We didn’t need snow.”

“Huh.” Severus sat as Crookshanks imitated Neville’s stretch. “I suppose the movie can’t predict everything.”

“No, I suppose not,” Hermione replied.

“Movie or not, we need to get to Emerald City.” Harry replied. “There’s a wizard to see!”

“Indeed,” Severus answered as he stood.

Harry began to skip as music began to play, “We’re off to see…”

Severus glared at Harry.

“Er, we are very excited to see the wizard,” he said as the music died. “We are going to see the wizard, and we are very excited about it.”

“Thank you,” Severus answered as he picked up Crookshanks and followed Harry. 

Neville and Hermione walked with their friends. Though Hermione wore a pleasant expression, a few times she caught a glimpse of Severus’ shoes.

What kind of mess had Severus found himself in? More importantly, how could she help him out of it?

Chapter Text

Emerald City was every Slytherin’s most pleasant dream; glowing, glittering green skyscrapers as far as the eye could see. Even the river below the emerald moat was a glistening green. The movie had not done the city justice. It was the kind of place Severus would have called home, had he not been so terrified of spontaneous musical numbers.

“So how do we get in?” Neville asked.

They all looked at Severus, waiting for his direction.

"If I recall correctly, someone allows us entry," Severus began.

"Who?" Hermione asked.

“There’s a gate with a man inside,” Harry pointed towards the toll box. “Is he the person who will allow us in?”

“I suppose if we ask him very nicely if we can see the wizard he may be inclined to help us,” Severus replied. “Perhaps if we say ‘pretty please’ and bat our eyes enough he’ll even give us a free dinner.”

“Do you think so?” Neville’s eyes lit up. “The apples were great, but I wouldn’t mind a cheeseburger.”

“A cheeseburger?” Severus raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, a man named Mr. Baum gave me one once. It was quite delicious.”

“So he did,” Severus led his group to the gate. He knocked upon the window. “Hello?”

The slot opened, revealing a man who looked identical to Draco. “Hello, who goes there?”

“My name is Severus Snape, this is Crookshanks, and these are my uh,” he glanced back at the trio, who were all smiling, “friends I suppose.”

“State your purpose,” Draco began.

“We’re here to see the wizard.”

“The wizard,” Draco pulled out a green note pad. “Do you have a reservation?”

“Not exactly,” Severus admitted. 

“Do you have an appointment?”

“No.”

“Then you cannot come in.”

“But we need to see the wizard,” Hermione began as she pushed Severus aside.

“And I need to keep in good standing with my employer,” Draco argued. "Which means no unauthorized entries."

“But this is important.”

“Staying employed is important too.”

“Listen Draco…” Severus cut in.

“How did you know my name?” He looked at him with wide eyes.

“Lucky guess,” the friends all said in unison.

“That, and you have a name tag,” Severus pointed to the pin on his shirt which read "Draco."

“So I do,” he blushed as he covered the badge with his hand.

“Now that we’ve gotten the pleasantries out of the way, may we please enter?” Severus asked.

“No,” Draco answered.

“Listen Draco,” Severus lowered his voice. “I have had an extremely long day and am in no mood to play games. Either you let me in to see the wizard or I’ll stomp on your throat with these silver boots everyone wants to get their hands on.”

“Silver boots?” Draco raised an eyebrow.

Severus raised her leg, giving Draco a view of them. He huffed. “What would anyone care about some silver boots? They’re completely out of fashion.”

“Boots do not have to be fashionable to be practical," Severus replied.

“Yes, but they clash with your black robe. Silver is not your color.”

“Did someone say silver boots?” A feminine voice asked.

All eyes turned to the person behind Draco. She had striking red hair and fiery brown eyes.

“Ginevra, what are you doing here?” Draco hissed.

“I came to give you your dinner when I heard the commotion and,” Ginevra gasped upon seeing Severus’ boots. “The-the legends are true then. You really did kill the Wicked Witch of the East.”

“Indeed, I am the reason Bellatrix is no more,” Severus answered.

“Those are Bellatrix’s boots?” Draco asked.

“Yes, and the wizard said the second someone else got those boots was the second he wanted to see them.” Ginny clasped her hands together. “Do you know what this means?”

“I have to schedule them an appointment?”

“No, it means we are in the face of royalty,” she bowed before looking at Draco. “That, and you should apologize.”

“Why? I was just doing my job.”

“You’re too much of a stickler for the rules, and you don’t always pay attention to the little things, like fashionable boots.”

“I didn’t know making a fashion statement was something I needed to pay attention to,” Draco replied.

“Draco,” she snapped. “Apologize to Severus and his friends.”

“I am sorry,” Draco replied in a bored tone.

“Like you mean it,” Ginny demanded. “Otherwise I’m taking back the cookies I baked for you.”

“I’m sorry,” this apology was more sincere, and more rushed.

“Please forgive my husband,” Ginevra began as Draco pushed a button opening the gates. “He gets cranky when he’s hungry. I’m sure he’ll be much more pleasant in the future.” She gave him a pointed look. “Isn’t that right, dear?”

“Yes, I will be,” he couldn’t hide the spark of affection in his eyes.

“Nonetheless, thank you,” Severus answered.

“Indeed, we appreciate it very much,” Hermione replied.

After Harry and Neville gave their thanks, the door opened, revealing a group of Slytherin student lookalikes browsing around the city. They paused upon seeing them.

A man identical to Blaise Zambini driving a horse carriage stopped at the green gate. “Hello! I’ll take you any place you want to go.”

Severus’ stomach dropped. This was beginning to sound like the opening to a musical number.

“We want to see the wizard,” Neville began.

“Yes, the wizard,” his other companions said.

“Right, the wizard,” Severus replied as he got into the horse carriage with them.

“Sadly, I can’t take you to him, not when you look like that,” Blaise pointed to their clothes.

Severus opened his mouth to protest before taking a look at himself. His frock coat was littered with orange tabby fur, along with a few stray twigs and some dirt from where he’d fallen asleep. Neville’s main could use a good brushing, as could Crookshanks’. Parts of Harry were looking flat. Hermione still looked better than she had any right to, but she may desire a new sheen. 

“I suppose I’m amenable to a little freshening up,” Severus admitted as he took note of the horse. “It’s purple.”

“Yep, it’s one of a kind, that’s for sure,” Blaise answered.

“Of course it is,” Severus muttered as Crookshanks settled into his lap.

As the horse changed from purple to red, the music began to swell. Severus groaned before shouting, “must we sing everything?”

Everyone stopped.

“You don’t want to sing the day away?” 

All eyes fell on a woman who looked like Lavender.

“I do not care for singing,” Severus admitted, feeling almost sheepish with so many eyes on him.

“Oh thank God. I hate singing too,” the woman replied.

“Lavender?”

The woman who hated singing’s eyes bulged. “Hermione?”

“Yes,” Hermione went to the front of the carriage. 

“I, I thought you were dead,” Lavender was pale. “Everyone said your last accident killed you. They said once your heart stopped beating you were gone. Everyone said the Wicked Witch of the West had made an example out of you, one we were terrified of going up again. Ron was distraught about what happened to you for weeks. H-how are you here?”

Now all of Emerald City wanted an answer.

“It’s a long story, but let’s just say I was saved by a passerby." Hermione glanced at Severus

“Who, him?” Lavender pointed to Severus.

“It would appear so,” he answered.

“Well,” Lavender broke into a genuine smile. “That must’ve really gotten under Molly’s skin.”

“You have no idea,” he deadpanned.

“So, you hate singing, you hate Molly, and you saved Oz from Bellatrix.”

“For the love of Merlin please don’t break into a song about me,” Severus groaned.

“Of course I won’t! I couldn’t carry a tune to save my life.”

The other denizens of Emerald City muttered their agreement.

“I’m going to give you your makeover as a sign of my eternal gratitude,” Lavender concluded.

“Makeover?” Severus snapped.

“Well yes, you can’t go to the wizard looking like that.”

“Yes, but I also refuse to go into the wizard looking like a dunderhead, which is what I suspect you will do.”

“Me, make the person who brought Molly down a couple of pegs look like a dunderhead,” She laughed. “I’d never do that. You’re getting my very best treatment.”

He was afraid to ask what that entailed, but realized he had little choice but to go along with it.

“Now, Pansy can go ahead and take care of the Scarecrow, Daphne will brush out the two cats, and Astoria can shine up Hermione. When you’ve gotten all nice and gotten fancied up,” Lavender met Hermione’s eyes. “I’d like to see you again.”

“I would to, but I don’t know how long I can stay," Hermione answered.

“I know, you’ll be too busy with the wizard, but if you can spare a moment,” she gave her a warm smile. “I really missed my friend.”

Hermione returned the warmth. “I missed you too.”

“Well,” Lavender flicked the teardrop away from her eye. “Let’s get moving! We don’t have all day. The wizard does want to see our guests as soon as possible.”

Emerald City bustled about as the friends were shuttled off to their various stations. As Hermione left, Severus took one last look at her, wondering what kind of trouble she would be in once he left Oz, and if there was anything he could do to make her life easier before he departed. 

Chapter Text

Severus didn’t trust the Lavender in his world. He trusted Emerald City Lavender even less.

He eyed her as she pulled out various facial cleansers, shampoos, and what he guessed were potions to reduce the lines on his face. Before her little touch up, she’d allowed him to take a bath, a luxury he didn’t know he needed until he got into the tub. Despite Oz’s saccharine appearance, he was still covered in dirt and grime. It was refreshing to remove the filth, and the soothing bubble bath made him feel cleaner than he’d been in years. He’d never been one to create potions for luxury items, but if he could make a relaxer like that bubbles in the bath he would make a fortune, perhaps allowing him to accumulate enough funds to leave Hogwarts and avoid the pain of seeing Ron move into Hermione’s quarters.

Too bad his hair was hopeless. Even in Oz it maintained its greasy, limp appearance, though Lavender promised she could fix it. Actually, it was more like a threat, especially in light of all her products. He was almost certain he preferred his hair to whatever she could conjure.

“Your appearance isn’t as hopeless as you think,” Lavender began as set the last of her bottles on the emerald counter. “I’ve seen much worse.”

“Who could be worse than me?” Severus asked.

“Pansy wasn’t in great shape when I first found her, and Hermione was absolutely hopeless for a time. Talk about hair which couldn’t be tamed! It was a miracle I could do anything with it.”

“Yes, it did shock me to learn that you know Hermione,” Severus raised an eyebrow as he observed her. “What is that pink glob?”

“It’s shampoo meant to remove the excess oil from your hair.”

“Why exactly do I need to altar my appearance for this wizard anyway? Can’t I take a shower and be done with it?”

“Sure, if you want to be kicked out the way everyone else has been.”

“Other people have seen the wizard?”

“They’ve tried, but according to him, they’ve all been, ‘too fashionably challenged,’ all except me anyway. I was just the ‘moron hung up on the wrong monkey.’”

“Monkey?” Severus asked as she laced her hands through his hair. 

“Yep.” She kneaded her hands further into his scalp. “I was fortunate enough, or unfortunate enough if you ask some people, to fall in love with a flying monkey.”

“Why would you ever fall for a flying monkey?”

“To start with, he’s fun, funny, and enjoys my cooking. Ron’s the perfect package.”

“Ron is your flying monkey boyfriend?”

“He’s not technically my boyfriend, but I wish he was.”

“It seems that Oz is the land of atrocious taste in men,” Severus began. “First this dunderheaded prince abandons Hermione, and now Ron the flying monkey has a woman who pines for him.”

“We can’t control who we love.” She was gleaming at her handiwork much too happily for his comfort. Her smile dissipated as she glanced down at his nails. “You haven’t taken very good care of your hands, have you?”

“I’m usually too busy brewing to give them much heed.”

“You ought to take a little time for yourself. You’ll have a much better chance of being taken seriously if you do.”

“Taken seriously by whom? You don’t need good hands to brew potions.”

“No, but women appreciate a man with smooth, gentle hands.”

“Oh sure, with my stellar personality women will be crawling all over themselves just to get a glimpse of my exceptional hands.”

“You aren’t as terrible as you make yourself out to be. There are people who have far worse personalities than you,” she began clipping his nails.

“True,” he replied. “I suppose even I am not nearly as ill-tempered as Molly, the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“You don’t know the half of it,” Lavender grumbled as she continued her work.

In silence, Severus watched her clip his nails. He had to admit, she was not terrible at her job. It was too soon to say if she excelled at it though. She had yet to use her facial products, and he wasn’t sure she wouldn’t destroy his hair.

“Now, let’s see if we can do something about that skin of yours,” Lavender continued. “It’s clearly been neglected for too long.”

“Why should I bother with my skin?”

“Because the wizard likes fashionable people.”

“I already don’t care much for him. If he won’t help us over something as silly as fashion we should know now so we can get to someone who is more reasonable.”

“Yes, but Hermione would be upset if she found out the wizard refused to see you because you wouldn’t get a haircut.”

He scowled.

“Besides, don’t you want to look great for the ladies? There are some nice ones around Emerald City."

“Women want mindless men with conventionally attractive bodies, not an old git man like me.”

“That’s not true. Everyone likes a hero, and you saved us from Bellatrix.”

“I was in a house that fell on her,” he replied, still wondering how the Wizarding World would react if they knew the best way to defeat a Death Eater was to throw a house on them. It would’ve made the war much shorter had anyone known.

“See, you did a great thing. Women love men who do great things.”

“If that is the case, why are you not throwing yourself at me?”

“Because I don’t go for black haired men,” she gave him a wistful smile. “I prefer red heads.”

“So does everyone else apparently," he grumbled.

“Not really,” she began putting the cleanser on his face. “They are an acquired taste.”

“So you say,” Severus frowned as the image of Ron embracing Hermione flashed in his mind. He’d give anything to obliviate it. Perhaps when all was said and done some of Ogden's Finest would erase the memories of that embrace and this adventure he was forced to endure.

In silence, Lavender continued to work.

“How do you know Hermione?” He asked.

She met his eyes and paused.

“It was clear you knew Hermione, which raises the question: how does a make up artist know a woodswoman?”

“First of all, she wasn’t always a woodswoman.” Lavender resumed her work.

“She wasn’t?”

“No,” Lavender grabbed another bottle and began focusing on his hands. “She used to be a wealthy heiress in Emerald City. We went to school together.”

“Wait,” Severus shook his head. “You meant to tell me she was a wealthy heiress, yet she chose to wander around the woods chopping down trees?”

“Actually she chose to wander the woods reading books. The tree chopping thing didn’t begin until there was a paper shortage, and they’d need more people to cut down trees for books. She learned how to chop down trees, grew some muscles, and became a woodswoman. Because she didn’t want to be taken advantage of, she didn’t advertise her wealth, choosing instead to live in the woods away from the prying eyes of the public.”

“But she dated a dunderheaded prince, so he must’ve known she was wealthy.”

“He didn’t know it at first,” Lavender focused her attention on his other hand. “Then again, she didn’t know he was a prince either. They wanted to be loved for who they were, so they downplayed their positions.”

“Then he left her when she began having her accidents.”

“Actually he left before that.”

“He did?”

Lavender stopped to examine her handiwork. “Yes, despite her best efforts, the Wicked With of the West discovered who she was. She decided to send one of her flying monkeys to seduce her so she could obtain her wealth.”

“Ron,” Severus practically spat out his name.

“Yes, but he was already dating me. Still, he went along with it to keep her quiet. He and Hermione realized very quickly they were not compatible. Hermione resumed her pursuit of the prince.”

“What happened then?”

“Molly wouldn’t drop the idea of Ron marrying Hermione. She wanted that money and the social position that came with it. I’m not entirely sure what happened next, but the rumor was that she convinced the prince he was unworthy of Hermione’s love and she was only with him out of pity. For some reason, the prince listened to her and left. We haven’t seen him since.”

“All Hermione has done is pine after him, yet he won’t even stop and see how she’s doing?”

“Nope, he’s gone.”

“Does he know about her accidents?”

“I don’t know, but most of Oz does, so he probably does too.”

“If he knows about them, I hope he understands what an absolute dunderhead he is. This whole time all this arse needed to do was talk to Hermione, accept her love, and these accidents wouldn’t have happened,” Severus felt his temperature rise. “All this dunderhead had to do was sit and listen to Hermione and she may still have a heart.”

“I’m not sure about that, because when Hermione made it clear she would not date Ron or marry him, the witch decided she should be punished. So, she enchanted Hermione’s axe to chop her piece by piece. Of course, nobody in Oz can die, or so we thought.”

“They can’t die?”

“No, we’re all immortal.”

“With the exception of Bellatrix apparently.”

“Yeah, I can’t figure that one out,” Lavender smirked. “Then again, I’m no magical scientist.”

“So because she couldn’t die, she became a Tin Woman and lost her heart.”

“Yes, when that happened Ron was devastated. He thought enough damage had been done in his name, especially once she stood still, so still,” Lavender’s voice cracked. “Ron thought she’d died because she wouldn’t move. How did you manage to revive her anyway?”

“I used the oil can beside her to loosen her joints. It was a plan I'm surprised neither of you devised.”

“Yeah, well I didn’t exactly fall in love because Ron was the smartest entity in Oz.”

“Obviously if he doesn’t know how oil cans work.”

“In his defense, I didn’t know how they worked either.”

“Yes you two are a pair of geniuses," he muttered.

She glared at him. “Anyway Molly tried to get her hand on the fortune, but the wizard prevented her. He said so long as the Tin Woman existed in some form that fortune was hers.”

“So given the chance, Molly will obliterate Hermione,” Severus’ stomach churned at the thought.

“That’s what I fear,” Lavender exhaled. “Ron was so scared when she became a Tin Woman he dumped me, afraid I’d have the same fate if we stayed together. I suppose I can’t blame him. It was bad enough when the Wicked Witch of the East tried to tear me up with wolves.”

“Why would she do such a thing?”

“I told her she had split ends and needed to take better care of her hair. She got a little offended by that,” Lavender answered.

“I never would’ve known you were injured in any way.”

“That’s because my products work so well.” Sadness crept into Lavender’s eyes. “Sadly, Molly thought my poorer background and scarred appearance made me a terrible choice for Ron’s spouse, so she threatened to make me tin unless Ron dumped me. I was willing to take the chance, but him, not so much.”

“That must have been quite painful.”

“I’ve learned to function. Enough depressing talk though,” Lavender pushed Severus’s head into a bowl and began washing his hair. As she did so, she took a wash cloth and began wiping off the products from his face and hands. After a few moments, she dried him and held up a mirror. “Ta da!”

He held up the mirror. Lavender was much better at her job than anyone had ever given her credit for. His hair was layered, framing his face perfectly. Instead of pale, sickly skin, he had a hint of color. After glancing at his hands, he had to admit they were much softer, less injured by the products poured upon them. His fingernails were finally even.

“Do you still doubt me?” Lavender asked, more than a hint of triumph in her voice.

“You’ve done an adequate job,” he answered.

“I’ll take that as an ‘everything is perfect.’”

“How did you get that from, ‘adequate?’”

“It’s in your eyes. You've loved what I've done,” Lavender answered. “You’re going to knock the socks off any woman who comes near you.”

“Perhaps,” Severus examined himself again. Never in his life did he think he’d care what a pile of tin thought of his appearance. Then again, he never thought he’d fall in love with someone nineteen years his junior. His life was as odd as the land of Oz.

“Well, let’s go show everyone my handiwork before you see the wizard,” Lavender took the mirror and led him outside.

Once there, he took note of Lion Neville, Crookshanks, and Scarecrow Harry. Neville’s main was straight, and his fur no longer matted. There was a red bow on his head as well. Crookshanks looked like he wanted to kill everyone in Oz for making him take a bath. Still, his coat was cleaner, and appeared softer. Harry was now properly stuffed, lacking the former unevenness he had earlier.

“You look handsome,” Harry began.

“Yes, you clean up well,” Neville answered.

Even Crookshanks appeared to approve of his appearance.

“Of course he cleans up well,” Lavender answered. “There isn’t a man I can’t make look attractive.”

“I apologize for being late,” Hermione began. “The washing took longer than anticipated, and…”

“And?” Severus’ eyes were glued to her. Her tin was shimmering in the emerald light, and her amber eyes were brighter than he’d ever seen.

“And you look quite handsome,” She dug her foot into the ground. “No, you look radiant, stunning, and, well…”

“You’re welcome,” Lavender began before whispering in Severus’ ear, “I told you women would flock to you if you cared a little more for your appearance.”

Severus couldn’t hear her. Instead he was scolding himself for being attracted to a pile of tin. Yet this wasn't any pile of tin. It was Hermione, pure Hermione. Even in this form, she knew how to take his breath away.

A shrieking cackle resounded through the city. All eyes appeared on the sky. A witch on a broom took to the sky. Behind her, black letters were forming.

“What’s happening?” Lavender shouted.

“It, it’s the Wicked Witch of the West,” Hermione gasped.

“What does she want?” Harry asked.

“How did she even get here?” Neville chimed in.

“Oh shit,” Lavender muttered. “Not again. Not again!”

Soon, everyone began screaming and diving for cover. Severus didn’t hear the commotion. Instead, his eyes were transfixed on the message, memories of the movie coming back to him. 

No, the wizard wouldn’t give them what they asked for, at least not yet. Instead, he would send them out to kill this green banshee. It wouldn’t matter that Hermione had faced enough torture from Molly. They’d have to face her again.

“Look,” Hermione pointed to the letters. “Look what it says!”

Surrender Severus or Die!

Chapter Text

The tension was suffocating as Draco led them to the wizard’s throne room. Before he could open the door, Severus stopped. 

“Wait."

Everyone turned to Severus.

“I need to warn everyone of something before we enter,” Severus began.

“What?” Hermione asked.

“In the movie, the wizard wants something from us before he grants our wishes,” Severus began.

“What?” Scarecrow Harry asked.

“I forgot which item he requests, but if I remember correctly, it involves the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“The Wicked Witch of the West?” Neville shuddered.  

“Yes, he wants us to confront her and retrieve an item from her.”

“Oh no, we can’t go up against her.”

“True, I doubt she would exchange this item for a bag of Oz’s freshest apples,” Severus admitted. “So we’ll need a plan to get it.”

“What item is it?” Neville asked.

“That,” Severus tapped his foot. “I forgot.”

“I don’t think the wizard will ask for anything,” Hermione interjected.

“Excuse me?” Severus raised an eyebrow.

“I don’t think he’s heartless enough to make us go up against Molly, not after all she’s done to us. If he has any compassion and if he's powerful at all, he’ll give us what we want and confront Molly himself.”

“With all due respect, every deal comes with a catch. We have to be prepared for what the wizard wants.”

“That sounds absolutely cynical.”

“How is being prepared cynical?"

“Being prepared isn't cynical, but believing everything has a catch is. People aren’t always duplicitous.”

"I vehemently disagree. There’s always a catch, at least in my experience.”

"Then perhaps I have difference experiences."

"That is fortunate for you, but I am trying to be realistic. The wizard will want something, and it will cost us dearly. That is reality, not cynicism."

“No,” Hermione shook her head. “I refuse to become so cynical that I believe everyone wants to scam me.”

“Believe what you want, but I am telling you the truth,” Severus argued. “In the movie, we have to go up against the Wicked Witch of the West in order for the wizard to grant our wishes.”

“If that’s the case, we can take her.”

All eyes fell on Neville.

“If the wizard is as kind as Hermione says he is, then we’ll get what we want with no trouble,” Neville continued. “If he is as manipulative as Severus says he is, then we’ll be ready for Molly.”

“How?” Severus asked.

“I don’t know, but amongst us we’ll think of something, especially if you already know everything because of the movie.”

“I agree,” Harry replied. “We can take on Molly.”

“Yes,” Hermione answered. “We can take her on, but I don’t think we’ll need to.”

“I would hope you are correct,” Severus answered. “For all of our sakes.”

“Not everything is a movie,” Hermione took his hand. “Sometimes, people are kind. They do have hearts, unlike me.”

“You have a heart,” Severus argued. “Others don’t.”

“I told you, my chest is made of hollow tin. Knock on it for yourself.”

With some reluctance, Severus did so. As expected, it echoed. He ached for her. For years he’d wanted to tear his heart from his body, to never feel another caring sentiment for another being. Now, he wished he could give his heart to her.

“You should go in before the wizard changes his mind about seeing you,” Draco chimed in as he opened the door.

“Of course,” Severus stepped through the door, followed by his companions.

At first, the room was black, save the emerald carpet. Then, a fire whooshed in front of them, before taking the form of a flaming peacock. The bird boomed in a deep voice, “State your purpose!”

“Oh!” Neville shook as he turned to the others.

Crookshanks stepped in front of Severus. The man in black picked up the half-kneazle, wondering if this was for Crookshank’s comfort, or his own.

“Why are you here?” The peacock boomed before erupting in two balls of flames. They fluttered around, as if examining the group of friends. 

Severus stood up straighter. There was no need to cower in fear. A wizard was a wizard. This man couldn’t be as terrifying as Voldemort, or as manipulative as Dumbledore. No, he could handle this wizard.

“I came here to request that I return to my home,” Severus demanded.

“Home?” The flames became a peacock once more. “What happened? Did you get lost on the way to Albuquerque?”

“No.”

“Do you know where home is?

“Yes.”

“Then get a map. There are a few lovely ones at the Emerald City Welcome Center. That would help you more than I ever could.”

“A map will be of no use to me,” Severus argued.

“Oh you’re one of those men who doesn’t ask for directions,” the peacock smirked. “Don’t worry, you have a woman with you. She can do all the asking for you.”

“Asking for directions will do me no good.”

“Spoken like a true man.”

“Look I was taken here by a tornado,” Severus argued. “I live in a place called Hogwarts, which is beyond this land of Oz. I need to go home.”

“Hogwarts?” The peacock put a wing on it’s cheek. “What an odd name, ugly too. Who wants to see a wart on a hog?”

“I had nothing to do with the naming, I assure you.”

“I suppose I can’t hold such an atrocious name against you then,” The peacock turned its attention to Harry. “What do you want?”

“I, I need a brain.”

“You and half of Emerald City.”

“They’re all scarecrows too?” Harry asked with a gleam in his eyes.

“No, they’re just people too stupid to know they need a brain.”

Severus suppressed a grin. Perhaps this wizard wasn’t as terrible as the ones he’d met outside of Oz.

“You,” he turned to Hermione. “What do you want?”

“A heart,” she answered in a strong voice.

“What happened? Did you give yours away to an underserving man?”

Her expression said it all.

“Might I suggest a single’s night at a popular bar? There are a few lovely ones in Emerald City with some great speed dating nights. It would work just as well as anything I could give you.”

“But that feels as empty as my chest.”

“Only if you allow it to be.”

“I can’t date without a heart,” she argued. “I need a heart.”

“You don’t need a heart to date. You can enjoy yourself without it. Some would argue it’s more enjoyable to have fun and not get hurt.”

“Listen wizard, she wants a heart, not a casual hookup,” Severus snapped. “Stop snarking and give her one.”

“Aw, she’s one of those romantic types,” The peacock shook its head. “What a pity. She’d have an easier time of life if she wasn’t.”

“Don’t criticize her,” Severus retorted. “She’s far more empathetic than you’ll ever be.”

“Hey, I’m a wizard, not an empath. Don’t be upset with me for being who I am.”

“Are you going to give her a heart or not?” Severus asked.

“First I want to know what your friend here needs,” the peacock turned to Neville. “What do you ask of Oz?”

“I, I need courage.” Neville gulped as he held his tail.

“I suppose you would, given that cuteness only goes so far with most lions. It’s hard to defend a kingdom by meowing.”

Neville nodded as Crookshanks hissed at the peacock.

“I take it nothing I say is going to convince you that you don’t need what you ask for,” the wizard continued.

“No,” Severus answered. “I need to get out of this madhouse as soon as possible.”

“And I need a brain to figure things out.”

“And I need a heart to love again.”

“And I need courage so I don’t run screaming out of here!”

The peacock turned to Crookshanks. “What does he need?”

“If I had to guess, a fresh can of tuna,” Severus glanced down at him.

Crookshanks purred at the thought.

“Fine, I can give you all those things under one condition,” the peacock began.

“Oh no, Severus was right!” Neville shouted.

“Right about what?” The peacock tilted its head.

“He said you needed something in exchange for what we want.”

“So let me get this straight; Severus is too dumb to use a map to find his way home, but smart enough to know I need something in exchange for my services?”

“It would appear so,” Severus muttered.

“Huh, well at least you’re an entertaining bunch, I’ll give you that,” the peacock smirked. “Fine, in exchange for what you ask, I want the Wicked Witch of the West’s broom.”

“B-broom?” Hermione asked.

“Yes,” the wizard answered. “I want that broom. It will look very nice above my fireplace. That, and one of my servants spilled some flour when he was baking cookies. I’d like it cleaned up as soon as possible.”

“Can't you clean it up yourself?” Severus asked. “A little magic should do the trick.”

“Why would I waste my magic on house cleaning?”

“Why can’t you buy your own broom?” Severus demanded.

“Have you seen the prices of brooms lately? Inflation is out of control in some industries.”

“What’s inflation?” Harry asked.

“It means either I get the broom, or nobody gets anything they want,” the peacock answered.

“But, but it’s Molly,” Neville stuttered. “We’d have to get near her to get her broom.”

“That’s your problem, not mine.”

“If you’re so powerful why can’t you get the broom yourself?” Hermione demanded.

“Have you seen my schedule? I’m booked solid for the next four months. That, and a good leader delegates tasks. It spreads the fun around.”

“Of course you fancy yourself a good leader,” Severus muttered.

“Now, find that broom or I won’t give anyone anything.”

Everyone stayed rooted in their places.

“Now!” The peacock erupted into flames.

The friends didn’t need to be told twice to leave.

Chapter Text

“You were right about the wizard,” Hermione shook her head as they stepped out of the wizard’s throne room. “It was stupid to believe he'd help us from the kindness of his heart.”

“It was not stupid,” Severus put a hand on her tin back. “You wanted to believe the wizard was good, even if your faith wasn’t warranted.”

“I feel so foolish.”

“You shouldn’t blame yourself for his abhorrent behavior. If he wasn’t such a snarky bastard he may have helped us.”

“Was he a snarky bastard in the movie?” Harry asked.

“No, he was more of a threatening, foreboding presence,” Severus tapped his foot. “Come to think of it, he was more interested in scaring Dorothy and his friends than verbally sparring with them.”

"So the movie was wrong about how he'd behave?"

"It would appear so, though in both now and in the movie he demanded the witch's broom."

“Great, what do we do now?” Harry's frown deepened.

“We...we have to get the witch’s broom,” Neville answered

Everyone turned to the lion.

“We each need that broom, and we won’t get it until we defeat the Wicked Witch of the West,” Neville began, his voice stronger. “We have to defeat her and grab her broom.”

“Fine,” Severus turned to Hermione. “But you will stay here.”

“Excuse me?” She furrowed her metallic eyebrows.

“You heard me. You’ll stay here.”

“I most certainly will not stay here! I’m going with you."

“You don’t need to be anywhere near Molly, not after everything she’s put you through,” Severus argued. “It’s much better if you stay here where you’re safe.”

“I don’t want to be safe. I want my heart, which I won’t get unless I help you defeat Molly.”

“You can have your heart. We’ll tell the wizard you helped us, and he’ll give it to you. He’ll have no reason to believe you didn’t help us.”

“No, the wizard too powerful. He’ll know we’re lying if I stay here. It’s best if I go with you.”

“Hermione, you’ve been through enough. Nobody would fault you for staying in Emerald City where you’ll be safe.”

“What’s wrong with me going?” She raised her voice. “Do you think I’ll slow you down?”

“No.”

“Do you think I’m incapable of defending myself against Molly?”

“Not at all.”

“What is it?”

“You’re the one person I cannot lose!”

Hermione took a step back.

“As much as I tolerate, and to some degree even like, Neville, and Harry, you are the person I care for the most. If Molly were to hurt you, if she were to destroy you,” his throat constricted. “I don’t know what I’d do.”

“Do I die in the movie?” Hermione asked in a softer voice.

“Yeah, what happens in the movie?” Harry asked. “That movie has been right about almost everything so far. Do we succeed in grabbing the broom?”

“Yes, we do,” Severus answered.

“Does anyone die?”

“Fortunately, no,” Severus answered.

“Then what’s the problem?” Neville asked.

“It’s one thing to watch everything play out in a movie, but it’s another to live it.”

“Then let’s have a plan,” Harry suggested.

“That might be helpful,” Severus couldn’t believe Potter was thinking things through. Perhaps as a scarecrow Harry was much more intelligent, or at least much less likely to put everyone in a terrible situation.

“How did they defeat the witch in the movie?” Harry asked.

“Dorothy threw water on her, and she melted.”

“So all we need is some water.”

“Where are we going to get water?” Neville asked.

“From the flying monkeys," Harry answered.

“The flying monkeys?” Severus raised an eyebrow.

“Yes, the flying monkeys are biologically monkeys, meaning at some point they need to drink water.”

“So if we find their water dish, then we’ll have the means to destroy the witch,” Hermione’s lips turned upwards.

“Exactly,” Harry snapped his straw fingers.

“I never thought I’d say this to you, but that is not a terrible idea,” Severus replied. “I would even go so far as to call it intelligent.”

“Well, if that’s what I can do without a brain, imagine what will happen once I get one,” Harry beamed.

“Yes, I’ll find a way to distract the monkeys, and Severus can grab the water. Then, he’ll do whatever Dorothy did in the movie,” Neville replied.

“I can help distract the witch,” Hermione answered. “I shouldn’t be near water.”

“True, so I can help get the water if necessary,” Harry replied.

“This sounds doable,” Severus replied.

“Then it’s settled.” Harry raised a hand. “Let’s go get that water!”

“After a good night’s rest.” Neville yawned.

“I must agree with that sentiment,” Severus looked down at Crookshanks, who had fallen asleep in his arms. “It is much better for us to approach the Wicked Witch of the West well-rested. Plus, if we rest here, we won’t need to wander around her realm in the dark.”

“Do you think she’ll catch us while you’re sleeping?” Harry asked. “She was able to fly above the clouds and write that terrifying message.”

“No,” Hermione answered. “I’ve had enough dealings with Molly to know that while she’s an evil witch, she’s afraid of taking on people more powerful than her. She’s biding her time for us to leave Emerald City. She’ll attack then.”

“Are you certain of that?” Harry asked. 

“I am,” she answered. “Though if you’d like, we can keep watch over Neville and Severus while they sleep, just to protect them.”

“Won’t you want to rest too?” Neville asked. 

“No, I don’t sleep,” Hermione answered with a wistful look in her eyes. “At least not anymore.”

“I don’t sleep either,” Harry said. “I’ve never slept.”

“Do you miss sleeping?” Severus asked Hermione.

“No,” she admitted. “Not sleeping gives me more time to read at night, or at least it did before I rusted.” 

“So it’s settled.” Harry clasped his straw hands together. “We’ll get some sleep tonight and head out tomorrow. Hermione will watch Severus, and I’ll watch Neville.”

“That sounds acceptable,” Severus replied.

“I can do that,” Neville answered.

“Great! Let’s get a hotel room then,” Harry replied.

“Wait,” Severus drawled. “How are we paying for these accommodations?”

“With the Granger name of course,” Hermione gave him a sly smile. “The name Granger still means something in Emerald City.”

“Yes, the Granger name,” Severus muttered as he followed her down the streets of the city, feeling a pang in his chest that no Granger would ever want to be permanently tied to a Snape

***

The room was pure emerald, from the wallpaper to the marble floor. Soft moonlight filtered through the emerald curtains, giving the room and almost dreamlike quality. It reminded him of the Slytherin Common Room, only more peaceful and less full of dunderheads causing unnecessary drama. 

“Are you decent?” Hermione asked from the bathroom.

“Indeed I am,” Severus crawled under the blankets, enjoying the feeling of the satin nightshirt over him. Hermione’s name did carry some weight if he was able to get such lovely accommodations and sleep in such luxurious fabric.

“Where do you want me to stand?”

He looked at her.

“I didn’t think you’d want me leering over your bed all night,” she began. “It would be disconcerting to wake up and see a tin woman just standing there, at least it would be for me.”

“You may stand wherever you want. A tin woman standing over me is hardly the worst thing I’ve experienced.” 

“True, you have faced Molly screeching.”

“Indeed. Once you face that fear a Tin Woman in a hotel room is far less unsettling.”

“I suppose so.”

“Believe me, you are far more pleasant than Molly.”

“I would hope so, though I do not always feel so pleasant,” she admitted.

“Why? Do you fear I do not enjoy your presence because you have no heart?” He asked.

“That, and it cannot be easy having a friend who constantly rusts.”

“Using an oil can is no great issue,” Severus replied. “It isn’t terribly difficult to loosen your joints. All you need is someone willing to be gentle.”

“I haven’t found anyone who cares enough to help me. Most people don’t want a tin woman who can rust.”

“Most people are dunderheads.”

“Perhaps.”

Severus lay his head on the pillow. “Hermione?”

“Yes?”

“Why didn’t you tell me Molly wanted Ron to marry you because you were wealthy?”

“Who told you that?”

“Lavender.”

In the dark he could see her tin smile twist into a frown. “Lavender always was a gossip.”

“Do not be upset with her," Severus replied. "She was trying to explain a little more about why she was so shocked to see you.”

“Yes, we really should get together after all this is done. It’s been awhile, and I did think of her while I was rusted in place. Then again, I thought of a lot of things when I was rusted.”

“Like what?”

“Where the travelers were going who passed me by, why I was too stupid to keep my oil can near me during the storm, how a flying monkey could fly, things of that nature.”

“And you thought of the prince.”

“Yes, he passed my mind more than a few times.”

Severus asked, “If he were to burst into the room right now, what would you say to him?”

“Hello.”

“That’s it?” Severus asked.

“I’d need to start somewhere, and I’d need him to know it was me. He hasn’t seen me as a tin woman, so my appearance may scare him.”

“What if he wasn’t afraid of you? What if he wanted to know everything that happened to you? What if,” Severus yawned. “What if he told you he missed you? What would you say then?”

“I’d tell you to go to sleep.”

“Nice diversion.”

“Did it work?”

“Not in the slightest.” He smirked.

“Fine,” She paused. “I would tell him that I missed him too, and that the second I got a heart, I would find a way to love him.”

“What if he thought you already loved him given how much you miss him?”

“I’d tell him he was too idealistic and that I could not give my heart away, not when it’s gone.”

“I still argue you have a heart.”

“I still argue you should go to sleep,” she replied in a soft voice. “We have a long day ahead of us. You’ll need all your energy for the journey.”

“I suppose so,” he closed his eyes as Crookshanks leapt onto the bed and began to paw at his side before settling in himself. “Good night Hermione.”

“Good night, Severus,” she replied, once again feeling the overwhelming emptiness of her hollow chest.

Chapter Text

“So Severus thinks he can come onto my land and rule my kingdom!” Molly pounded her fists onto the table, almost knocking her crystal ball onto the floor.

“Are you sure they want to rule your kingdom?” Ron the winged monkey returned the ball to its place.

“Why else would they be coming this way?” Molly made a fist. “I’ll bet the wizard told Severus what those shoes can do. Yes! He knows what they can do so he’s going to try and take over my kingdom!”

“No offense, but why would anyone other than you want to rule the Winkies?” Ron asked.

"Excuse me? Why would anyone not want to rule my glorious kingdom and my Winkie subjects?" Her frown deepened. 

“Winkies, it’s just not a group of people I’d want to rule over. It sounds so,” he fidgeted. “Crude.”

“Winkie is a very cute name. They should be happy I gave it to them.”

“I’m sure they love the name you gave them, but it’s still weird.”

“There is nothing weird about Winkie! Winkie is a very respectable name!” Molly raised her arms and gave him a glare which could peel the wings from his back.

“Yes,” Ron shuddered and nodded. “Winkie is a very good name. You were very wise to pick it. I’m sure even the females enjoy being called Winkies”

“Of course they do. Everyone enjoys being called a Winkie.” Molly gave a self-satisfied smile. 

“They do,” Ron released the breath he’d been holding.

“Winkies aside,” Molly scratched her chin. “I need to stop Severus from conquering me. If I can kill him and get the shoes that would be helpful too. Then there’s the Tin Woodswoman. Oh that meddlesome Hermione who refuses to spend eternity rusting! She needs to learn her place.”

Ron gulped.

“Oh so many things I could do to her!” There was a gleam in her eyes that Ron could only describe as sinister. “I could store so much soup if I chopped her up. Imagine Hermione, a pile of soup cans! Ooh, it’s enough to make me want to cook some chicken soup right now!”

Ron’s stomach churned at the thought of his friend's dismembered body.

“Yes, I’ll enjoy chopping her into pieces, but I need to capture her first.” Molly tapped the table before her lips curled up. “And I know how to do it too!”

“How?” 

“I need you to find Fenrir and tell him I have a feast of nice juicy steaks if he and his friends bring me those pains in the neck here. I don’t care if they’re alive or dead. I just want them here.”

“I can do that.” Ron felt bile go up his throat. He remembered the stitches plastered all about Lavender’s face after she’d been attacked. Despite her best efforts, she couldn’t help but whine when he put the soothing salve over her wounds. She was lucky that Bellatrix wanted her punished, not dead. Severus and his friends would be lucky if there was anything left of them.

“Make it clear that they are not to pee on those shoes too,” Molly continued.

“Pee on the shoes?”

“Yes, I know for a fact Scabior isn’t housebroken!” Molly scowled. “It took weeks to get the smell out of my new carpet. He is not to pee on my boots.”

“Oh yeah,” Ron’s stomach churned at the memory of that stench. No matter how hard he and Winkies had tried to remove it, only time removed the noxious odor.

“Why are you still here?” Molly screamed. “Go find Fenrir and his goons and tell them to take care of Severus and his friends once and for all!”

Ron leapt and began flapping his wings.

“Also, they are not to harm one part of those shoes! So help me if there are chew marks on them!” She yelled. “I refuse to wear torn shoes! Not one thread of those shoes is to be damaged!”

“Yes,” Ron gave her a salute. Then, he flew off, hoping Fenrir and his friends would break their teeth on Hermione’s tin.

***

“So how do we reach the Wicked Witch of the West’s castle?” Neville asked as they traversed a plain. There were no plants, no signs of life, only cracked, clay like ground.

“I am not entirely sure,” Severus admitted. “If I recall correctly the flying monkeys capture Dorothy and her friends follow them.”

“Please no more flying monkeys,” Hermione groaned. “I’ve had enough of those to last a lifetime.”

“It isn’t too late to return to Emerald City,” Severus replied. “We can get you a hotel room where you’ll be safe until we return.” 

“No, I’m not afraid of flying monkeys, I just don’t want to be around one again.”

“I can hardly blame you given what you’ve been through.”

“It isn’t so terrible to interact with a flying monkey, so long as it does not hold you.”

“What’s it like?” Severus asked. The second the question left his mouth, he knew he didn’t want an answer. 

“It’s hairy and itchy. I prefer a well-shaven man," she answered.

“Is the beard the worst part?”

“No, monkeys are terrible kissers. Slobber everywhere,” if she wasn’t made of tin, she would’ve been green. “It is quite unpleasant.”

“Apparently Lavender found it pleasant enough.”

“Lavender and I are two very different people. There are things she appreciates that I do not, and vice versa.”

“That much is obvious.”

Crookshanks shot Hermione a look of sympathy as he continued to walk beside Severus.

“I’d love to date someone someday,” Neville began. “But I don’t have the nerve to speak to them.”

“It’s not difficult to ask a woman out,” Hermione replied. “Just go up and say ‘hello.’”

“I can’t do that now, but maybe when I get courage, I’ll be able to ask girls out.”

“Are you interested in anyone,” Harry said.

“There are a few lady travelers who I found interesting,” He flicked his tail. “But I was always too scared to make myself known, much less ask them out.”

“I don’t see why you would feel that way,” Harry began. “For a lion, you are attractive.”

“Yes, and you are very interesting and intelligent,” Hermione replied. “That goes far with women.”

“Do you two really think so?” Neville’s eyes lit up.

“Yes, we do,” Hermione glanced at Severus. “Don’t we?”

“If one was attracted to lions, you would not be a terrible partner," Severus replied.

“If one was attracted to lions,” Hermione’s voice was low with a hint of a warning.

“I apologize if my tone was harsh, but I’m trying to get used to the idea of animals dating people. It is extremely rare in my world.”

“It’s become very clear that Oz functions differently from Hogwarts."

“That is putting it very mildly.”

“What are you going to do when you get home?” Neville asked.

“Drink so much Firewhiskey I’ll forget any of this ever happened,” Severus muttered.

“What?” Neville asked.

“Nothing,” Severus gave them a sheepish grin. “I suppose I’ll read a book or a potions article.”

“I can’t wait until I can read,” Scarecrow Harry leapt in front of them. “Reading is going to be so exciting.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. Now he knew this world was upside down. In no conceivable universe would Harry want to read a book.

“What are those things in the distance?” Hermione pointed to their right.

“What things?” Severus asked.

“Those things over there.” Hermione kept her focus on the direction of her finger.

There were three dots in the distance. With each second they became bigger and more distinct. 

Severus squinted. Flying monkeys wouldn’t be traveling by the ground, but they were the things which were supposed to be next. What on earth was going on?

Before Severus could contemplate the possibilities, a howl resounded through the cracked landscape. 

His heart froze. He’d recognize that sound anywhere.

“What are those?” Harry asked.

“Fenrir and his band of Snatchers,” Severus muttered.

Harry cocked his head.

“They’re a pack of wolves about to attack us!” Hermione shouted.

The friends ran faster to the west as the howls grew louder. Severus glanced back. Fenrir and his Snatchers’ faces had become clearer. They were gaining ground quickly. If they didn’t find a way to lose them soon, they would be devoured.

This was not in the movie!

“Neville!’ Harry cried before stopping.

“Go on without me,” Neville stood between them and the Snatchers. “I’ll catch up with you later.”

“Neville, you can’t be serious,” Hermione stopped.

“Just go!” He yelled before charging towards Fenrir.

Severus watched as Neville pounced onto Fenrir. The werewolf yelped before he was thrown aside, his head crashing to the ground, knocking him out cold. Scabior pounced on Neville’s back. With a roar, Neville bucked him off. He slashed Scabior’s side, eliciting a pained yelp. Scabior leapt towards Neville again, but the lion tossed him aside, knocking him out. Then, Neville turned his attention to the third werewolf. He let out a roar. The third wolf yelped before racing off, leaving his two unconscious companions.

Neville stood over them panting before turning around. “I thought I told you four to keep going.”

“Neville, that,” Harry began.

“That was bloody brilliant!” Hermione exclaimed.

“That was quite impressive,” Severus admitted. 

“If that was great, just wait until I gain my courage. I’ll be able to do more daring feats than that.” He grinned.

“Until you gain your courage?” Severus asked.

“Yes, I only did that because we’d die otherwise. When I get courage, I’ll be able to fight more enemies, even when my life isn’t in danger.”

“Sure,” Severus drawled, wondering who the hell put it into Neville's head that he lacked courage. Whoever it was deserved to be hexed into oblivion, or at least be on the receiving end of one of Neville’s roars.

His stomach clenched as he considered the way he’d treated Hogwarts Neville. Being kind to him for a few years wouldn’t undo all damage he’d done to his confidence during their time as student and professor. When he returned home, he’d need to begin helping him regain his confidence rather than saying a kind words and hoping Neville had the strength to do what needed to be done.

“Are you coming?” Hermione called.

Severus turned around. His friends were already a few feet down the road.

“Yes, I am,” Severus rushed behind them.

“Tell me, did the movie lion defeat the wolves the same way Neville did?” Harry asked.

“No,” Severus patted the lion’s back. “Neville did it much better than any movie character ever could’ve fought..”

“Thanks,” Neville blushed.

“There is never any need to thank me for honesty,” Severus replied, hoping he could hide the growing fear that things had just deviated from the movie.

If that was the case, defeating Molly would not be as straightforward as envisioned.

Chapter Text

“I should’ve known Fenrir and his goons couldn’t do anything!” Molly yelled before huffing. “If they couldn’t destroy Lavender, how could they take down a lion?”

“I don’t know,” Ron replied as he twisted his tail. “I guess they weren’t as tough as everyone thought they were.”

“Obviously. Now we’re going to have to try something different,” Molly mused aloud as she gazed into her crystal ball.

“How about you ask them what Severus and his friends want?”

Molly glared at him. “What did you just say?”

“Well, if they’re coming here, they clearly want something from us. Why don’t you meet them and offer them a trade?”

“A trade?”

“Yes, you give them whatever they came for, and Severus gives you his shoes.”

“Have you not been listening to a thing I’ve been saying?” Molly shrieked before pounding on the table. “They want my kingdom! I can’t negotiate that away!”

“You don’t know that,” Ron recoiled. “They may want something else.”

“Like what?”

Ron shrugged. “Why don’t you ask them?”

“No, I refuse! I will get those boots without giving up anything else, even if I have to pry them from Severus’ cold, dead corpse!”

Ron sighed and shook his head.

“And I know just how to do it too.”

“How?”

“Well, a scarecrow can only defend against so many crows.”

“Crows?”

“Yes,” Molly turned to Ron. “Get every crow in the land and send them to those miserables pains in my arse. Tell the crows to pluck Severus and his friends’ eyes out. My winkie soldiers will take it from it there!”

“Why not send out the winkie soldiers now and be done with it? Surely they can defeat them quicker than a murder of crows can.”

“Because I just knitted them new uniforms and I don’t want them to get sweaty in them by walking around all day. It’s a pain to get out all that nasty blood too. No, if Severus and his friends get their eyes plucked out they’ll stay still until we can get them at night, when it’s all nice and cool. Then, the winkies' sweaters will remain clean and intact.”

“I suppose that’s a decent plan,” Ron replied.

“Good, not that I needed your approval.”

Ron's tail twitched.

“Now get going!”

He didn’t need to be told twice to leave.

***

Severus sat on a lone patch of grass and took a bite of a sandwich. Beside him, Neville devoured a piece of steak and Crookshanks ate a can of salmon. It had been the better part of wisdom to pack food from Emerald City. His stomach was only clenched in fear, not hunger.

Granted, good food was harder to come by than one would think. It took quite some time to find a restaurant which didn’t think lollipops, gumdrops, and candy canes were a nutritious meal. The dentists of Oz must make a fortune.

Hermione and Harry stood behind Severus and Neville, keeping a close eye out for any flying monkeys. It was odd that none had come. Either Molly hadn’t considered sending them, or things were no longer playing out as they had in the movie. His stomach churned at the thought of it being the latter. He hadn’t planned on scaling the mountain to her castle, but if it gave them the element of surprise their plan may go more smoothly than anticipated, or they may face an obstacle Severus had no way of accounting for. 

“What are those?” Hermione pointed to the sky.

Everyone looked in the direction of her finger. Harry frowned. “Those are a murder of crows.”

“The crows are killing each other?” Neville asked.

“No, a murder is what a group of crows is called.”

“Whatever they’re called, they’re heading right for us!” Hermione cried.

The crows dove towards the group. Severus and Neville curled into a ball with their heads towards the ground, both covering Crookshanks, while Hermione covered them with her body.

“Leave this to me!” Harry called before standing tall with his arms outstretched. 

“Make it quick,” Severus replied over the din of crows drilling their peaks into Hermione's tin body.

“Who is your leader?” Harry asked as he brushed off one crow who attempted to pick out his eye.

“That would be me!”

“Cho?”

“Harry?”

“Yep,” Harry grinned.

“Harry," Cho flew over to him. "It’s been forever!”

The birds continued attacking.

“What are you doing here?” She asked with as much of a grin as a crow can muster.

“I’m on a journey with my friends,” he answered. “The same friends you’re attacking.”

“Those are your friends?”

Harry nodded.

“Oh goodness,” She let out a caw. The rest of the crows stopped. Although they kept their eyes on the group of friends, they made no further move towards them.

“Thank you,” Harry began.

“Don’t thank me yet,” Cho frowned. “I can only hold them off for so long.”

“Why are you attacking us? You’ve never led a vicious murder before.” 

“I know, and under any other circumstance we wouldn’t harm you. Still, we are hungry, and the Wicked Witch is promising us food. The only way we will obtain food is if we pluck your eyes out and watch you until her Winkie soldiers appear.”

“Are you sure you want to do that?”

“If it gives my murder and me, bread, yes.”

“You just called Molly a Wicked Witch. What makes you think she’ll hold up her end of the bargain?” Harry asked.

“That’s always a possibility, but right now she’s the only one offering us food.”

“What if I told you I could provide food?”

Cho tilted her head as she flapped her wings harder.

“See, the Wicked Witch can only give you one meal. I can give you several over the course of the next few weeks, perhaps months.”

“The food in that picnic basket is barely enough for your friends to eat. You really are the most brainless person in Oz if you think you can feed all of us with that.”

“Of course the basket can’t feed you, nor can everything inside of it, but the people who frequent the Emerald City Central Park can give you all the food you’ll ever want.”

“What are you going on about?”

“See,” Harry continued. “There is a park in Emerald City where elderly ladies sit outside with bread, just feeding the birds. They plead with them to come, and sit and watch them feed. They claim it’s the highlight of their day. Their bread is free food, and you’ll have to expend little effort to get it.”

“Maybe, but Emerald City is so far away.”

“I have been walking from there for the last four hours with only a couple of stops. It won’t take you nearly as long to fly there.”

“Well,” she flapped her wings less frequently. “I really don’t like the idea of plucking eyes out. It stains my feathers.”

“We would’t want that, would we?”

“No.” She tilted her head to the side.

“All you have to do is caw, preen, and hop over to an old lady. That’s all you must do in Emerald City to get all the food you can eat,” Harry answered.

“I suppose it’s a surer way of getting bread than making a deal with Molly. I’ve heard she owes the WInkie soldiers backpay, so she may not give us a crumb of what she’s promised us,” Cho began to caw and indicated in the direction of Emerald City. A few of the crows cawed back at her, but she only grew louder. Finally, she flew away, the murder of crows behind her.

“You can look up now,” Harry began. “They’re gone.”

“How did you manage that?” Severus asked as he raised his head.

“It wasn’t hard. Cho is easy to reason with.”

“How do you know her?” Hermione asked.

“I had a crush on Cho when I was first created, before I realized I was a scarecrow and not a crow,” Harry explained. “She found it amusing that I thought I could fly like her, so we became friends of a sort. She is kind once you get to know her. Just don’t try to kiss her. She gets a little irritated with straw in her feathers.”

“Duly noted.” Severus returned his attention to his sandwich, which had somehow not been devoured.

“Eat up,” Hermione began. “We still have a long journey ahead of us.”

“Indeed, we do,” Severus replied, now knowing things were going sideways.

***

“Curses!” Molly pulled at her hair. “How do I get rid of these awful annoyances?”

Ron swished his tail.

“There must be some way to get rid of them, something like,” she snapped her fingers. “I got it.”

“What?” Ron asked.

“Bees!”

“Bees?”

“Yes, I hate bees! If I hate bees, everyone else must hate bees too!”

“You hate joy, but everyone else seems to like it,” Ron mumbled.

“What did you say?” Molly demanded.

“I said it would be a joy if I didn’t have to get the bees.”

“Oh that’s fine.” Molly pulled out a wand. “I can conjure them up myself.”

***

“How much further is it to the Wicked Witch’s castle?” Neville asked as they traversed a barren, rocky landscape.

“I do not know,” Severus admitted. “Molly is taking her own sweet time calling out her monkeys to capture us.”

“Perhaps she wants us dead first,” Hermione suggested.

“Does that mean?” Neville shook. “Are we going to die?

“Lavender mentioned something about nobody being able to die in Oz,” Severus began. “Given that, the answer seems to be no.”

“But you killed Bellatrix,” Hermione spoke up.

“Yes, that did complicate the no death in Oz clause” Severus admitted. “Still, in the movie nobody dies, so we can take comfort in that.”

“Was there a swarm of bees in the movie?” Neville asked.

“No,” Severus drawled as a deafening buzzing filled the sky.

“Well they are here now,” Harry cried.

“Quick! Get behind those rocks,” Hermione ordered.

The others obeyed.

“Oh bees,” Hermione called in a sweet voice. “Don’t you want me?”

The bees headed for the group.

“Don’t you want to attack me? I’m the one who defied Molly, the one who scorned her flying monkey, who defies her with my continued existence. Don’t you want me more than the others?”

The bees to dive towards her. Severus’ eyes grew. He opened his mouth, only for Harry to shut it and drag him down behind the rock. Crookshanks dove in after them.

A thousand clangs of stingers against tin filled the air. All the while. Hermione gave out a defiant laugh. Severus’ stomach churned as he imagined her facing down the end of her existence, defying Molly to the last. It would be heroic if her sacrifice wasn’t done in his name.

“You can come out now,” she called.

The others poked their heads out from behind the rock. Crookshanks jumped out and began pawing at a dead bee.

“I don’t understand,” Harry began. “How did you kill them all?”

“I just stood there and told them to come after me. They did the rest.”

“How did them attacking you kill them?” Neville asked.

“Bees can only sting once. Afterwards, they die.”

“You're made of tin,” Severus began. “You knew if they stung you, you would survive unharmed whereas if we were stung we could’ve been seriously injured.”

“Exactly,” she snapped her tin fingers. “I apologize for not making my plan clearer in the beginning, but I didn’t want them to overhear us. You never know how sentient a being is when Molly’s involved.”

“You are brilliant,” Severus’ chest warmed. “Absolutely brilliant.”

“What can I say? I lost my heart, not my brain,” Hermione grinned.

“We should probably be going soon.” Neville tilted his head towards the sky. “It’s going to be evening soon, and there’s no safe place to rest for the night.”

“No, there isn’t,” Severus replied.

“The sooner we get to the Wicked Witch’s Castle, the better.”

“I couldn’t agree more.”

They began walking to the west, only for Severus to notice Crookshanks had not gone with them. He frowned as he noted the half-kneazle playing with the dead bees. “Crookshanks.”

Crookshanks ignored him and continued playing.

“I swear Toto was never this much trouble,” Severus ran over and grabbed Crookshanks. He growled, but settled into Severus’ embrace.

“Why couldn’t a goldfish have followed me into the shack?” Severus muttered. “At least it wouldn’t get distracted every twenty seconds.”

Crookshanks rubbed against him and purred. Severus scowled, wondering how he could fall for that sweet expression every time.

***

“Why?” Molly shrieked. “Why can nobody take out a group of four beings walking through my kingdom? Why is everyone around me so stupid?”

“Perhaps if you went out to meet them you could make a trade, or at least double cross them into handing over those shoes without you sacrificing anything.”

“No!” She yelled. “I won’t meet with them!”

“You wouldn’t have to do it alone. You could bring the winkie soldiers with you to make sure nobody pulled any tricks,” Ron suggested.

“I told you, I just knitted their uniforms. I don’t want them dirty.”

“Oh yeah,” Ron muttered.

“Still,” she eyed him as her lips curled up. “Your uniform isn’t new. I’m still knitting yours and those of your brothers.”

“What are you saying?”

“Bill! Charlie! George! Fred! Percy! Get over here!” She yelled.

Five flying monkeys flew through the window onto the table. 

“I want you to capture Severus and his little friends!” She ordered. 

“Oh no,” George argued. “I saw how the furry orange one scratched up Ron. I’m not dumb enough to go up against them.”

“Oh really?” Molly asked with a twisted sneer.

“Y-yes,” George answered. 

“Either you follow your orders, or you’ll have bigger problems than no bananas for a week,” she pointed to her hat. “Is that understood?”

George maintained his defiant expression.

“Is that understood?”

He didn’t move.

“Fine, have it your way,” She tapped her hat. A jolt of magic raced up George’s back, causing his face to turn green and his feathers to become purple. He cringed as a pain raced up his back.

“Do we have an understanding?” She asked in a low voice.

“Yes,” he squeaked.

“Get going!” She ordered. 

They all took to the sky.

***

“What are we going to do once darkness falls?” Neville asked.

“I don’t know,” Severus took note of the fading sunlight. “It’s dangerous to travel at night, but it’s just as dangerous to rest where Molly could take us by surprise.”

“I agree,” Neville answered. “Neither option is appealing.”

“Whatever we do, we’d better do it quickly,” Harry noted. “There are flying monkeys coming right for us.”

“Of course there are,” Severus muttered. At least he remembered this from the movie.

“Don’t worry, I can take them,” Neville began before leaping ahead of them and roaring.

The monkeys didn’t so much as flinch. Instead, the dove for the quartet. 

Severus ran toward the cliffs, ignoring the shrieks around him. He felt Ron’s arms around his chest. They were as hairy as Hermione had told him. What she hadn’t prepared him for was the awful odor of unbathed monkey. With all his strength, he threw Ron off of him.

Neville roared again, but the Bill flying monkey punched him in the nose. Hermione knocked the Charlie money to the ground, but was then overtaken by George. Harry was holding his own against Percy, and Fred was struggling to keep Crookshanks from tearing his eyes out.

Severus slammed Ron to the ground. The flying monkey screeched before causing Severus to trip. Then, he whispered in his ear, “do you really think defeating me will win you Hermione’s heart?”

Severus froze.

“Do you really think you can defeat me when I’m younger, stronger, and more sexually appealing? Even if you manage to get away now, there’s no guarantee I won’t take Hermione,” Ron continued. “Do you really think I can’t take her from you?”

Severus remained frozen for one second too long. George swooped from behind and captured him. Severus struggled, but was ultimately lifted from the ground. Ron sneered before capturing Hermione and grabbing her. Percy was lifting Crookshanks a safe distance from his body, Charlie was carrying Harry, and Bill had Neville. Laughing, the brothers carried the group of friends westward.

Over the horizon was a hideous imitation of Hogwarts. Instead of a warm glowing light, the windows glowed a bright orange. The spirals were jagged, with images of the witch as gargoyles. The stones were pure black, not even glistening in the dim sunlight.

As Severus approached the castle, he could only pray that he could find a bucket of water in a timely manner.

Chapter Text

Wicked Witch Molly was a far more tasteful decorator than the Molly of his world. Instead of blinding orange wallpaper and Quidditch posters around the castle, her throne room was a stone wall with open windows. In the center of the room was a table with a crystal ball, no doubt the way she’d kept track of them. There were a few dark corners where she had more than likely planted some traps. 

In moments like this, Severus was grateful for being a spy. Molly was a few bristles short of a broom, and Severus had years of experience lying to two masters. If Dorothy and her friends could escape  the Wicked Witch’s grasp unscathed, he was confident he could do the same.

“So Severus, you’re finally here,” Molly gave him that smug smile he’d come to despise over the years.

“Indeed, I was simply in the area and decided to stop by. I was hoping you’d have some tea, or at least a biscuit.”

“Sarcastic to the end,” Molly growled. 

“I am who I am,” Severus eyed the closed door, trying to determine what could be behind there. In the movie there were soldiers of the Witch. If they were behind the door, how many could there be?

“I’ll give you one last chance,” Molly took one step towards him. “Give me the shoes, and I’ll make sure you and your friends die a painless death, well,” she tapped her foot. “Relatively painless.”

“How could I ever think to give up such a nice pair of shoes? The arch support in these is amazing. It’s great for those long days running around Oz,” he answered. “I would prefer to keep them if at all possible.”

“So that’s the way you want to play it,” Molly chuckled before turning to George and Fred. “Has your bedding been lighter than usual?”

“No, it’s fine,” George recoiled.

“Everything is perfect. It always is,” Fred answered.

“Oh but my dears, I was walking by yesterday and the hay appeared dirty. You also appear to be flat,” Molly looked at Harry. “It looks like it could use more straw.”

“I guess it could,” George admitted.

“Then go grab some!”

George and Fred leapt on Harry and began ribbing handfuls of straw from his body. 

“Stop!” Severus shouted. 

“NO! Not until I have those shoes!” Molly shrieked.

“I’ll give you the stupid shoes if you’ll stop.”

“No!” Harry yelled as he began to slump. “You can’t give her those shoes under any circumstances.”

“No, I won’t keep the shoes if she harms you.” He reached down towards them.

“No,” Harry threw what remained of his body onto Severus’ right shoe. “We promised the Good Witch of the North we wouldn’t let you give them away. It’s what we had to do to help her awaken you.”

“Can you not break the promise?”

“Would you want to break a promise to a witch?”

“Oh stupid, stupid Potter,” Severus muttered.

“Get off of him.” Hermione thrust the monkeys across the room. They slammed against the wall.

“Now that wasn’t very nice,” Molly began. “Then again, what could I have expected out of someone with no heart?”

“Leave Severus and Harry alone. It’s me you want, not them,” she argued.

“Oh yes, you’ve been a pain in my arse since the day Ron laid eyes on you. I always thought rusting in the rain was too good for you. I’ve dreamed of doing something more personal.”

“Let Severus and the rest of them go,” she demanded. “You can have me, torture me however you like. Just leave them alone.”

“I have a better idea,” Molly’s smile was as twisted as any as Severus had seen on Voldemort. “I’ll do whatever I want to you while Severus is helpless to intervene! I’ll have everything I want then!”

“Don’t you dare hurt her,” Severus retorted.

Molly snapped her fingers and held out her other hand. An axe landed in it. Hermione’s eyes widened.

“Do you remember this axe?” Molly lowered her voice. “It was quite useful to you for a time. It’s only too bad it began to…malfunction.”

“You can’t scare me with that. I’m not afraid of it, not anymore.”

“I have no idea whether to commend you for your fearlessness, or rejoice that your stupidity makes all my plans work so much better.” Molly tossed the axe to the ground. It stood at attention and flung itself towards Hermione. Then, it chopped off her right arm.

“Take the shoes!” Severus shouted as he bent down. “Just take the bloody things!”

“No!” Neville shouted. “You can’t do that.”

“Damnit this isn’t worth it! None of this is worth it!” Severus yelled.

“No, we made a promise,” Neville put his paw on the left shoe.

“Yes,” Harry answered. “We have to keep it.”

“Don’t worry about us,” Hermione voices was weaker as the axe sliced off her right arm and leg. “Just escape Molly. Save yourself.”

“Damnit stop encouraging him to be noble!” Molly shrieked before she dove and grabbed the shoes. She screamed as a shock went through her body and threw her back.

“They won’t let her hold them,” Severus felt bile race up his throat. “No matter what I do, she can’t have them.”

“No! That’s impossible!” Molly screamed before turning to the monkeys. “Bill, Charlie. Put our lion and pussy cat in a cell before they start causing problems.”

The flying monkeys grabbed both of the felines.

“Also, call in the Generals of the Winkie Guards,” she ordered.. “We’ll see if they can touch those shoes.”

Severus did not like the way the eyes of the flying monkeys grew, nor did he like how Ron’s face lost color at the sound of "Winkie Guards."

“Are you certain?” Bill asked, his voice cracked.

“Did I sound uncertain?” Molly yelled. “Get the generals now!”

“Does your voice ever get raw from all that shrieking?” Hermione asked as the axe began slicing her chest..

Severus’ stomach plummeted. She was in at least fourteen pieces, and the axe showed no signs of stopping.

“My voice is perfectly fine. Yours however is grating.”

Severus rushed over and grabbed the axe. He held it up, using all his strength to prevent it from causing any more damage. It swiped at his feet, but he was able to wield it away from him.

“What is it about you, Hermione, that makes people go wild for you?” Molly asked. “I have been racking my brain for years wondering how my son could ever fall for a heartless bitch like you. Now, this man is risking life and limb to save you. I honestly do not understand it.”

“No, you wouldn’t understand it because you don’t understand how anyone could love something good,” Severus argued as he kept the axe away form his body. “You’ll never understand what it’s like to love someone completely and not want to control them. You’ll never understand what it is to have someone see the worst in you and still care for you. You’ll never know what it’s like to have someone finally accept you as you are.”

“I’ll also never understand what it’s like for someone to walk away from you because you weren’t good enough,” Molly replied.

Severus barely kept the axe from chopping his leg.

“I don’t understand why you think you have a chance with any woman, much less her,” Molly argued. “She has no heart. Why would you pine after her?”

“Because she does have a heart,” Severus replied. “A big heart.”

“But it will never belong to you,” a man’s voice interjected.

A chill ran up Severus’ back. He’d recognize that voice anywhere.

The axe sliced his leg. He buckled under the pain as it bled.

“It’s about time you arrived,” Molly flicked her wrist. The axe flew back to her. “You’re late.”

“We’re sorry, but we were in the dungeons preparing for our guest.” Another familiar voice said. “What do you need us for?”

Severus shook as the four generals stood before him. All of them wore an orange, handmaid sweater with their initials. Their green faces were even more sinister in the dark than they had been that afternoon by the lakeside. There was no friendliness, no joy, only a desire to follow whatever sadistic order came from the Wicked Witch’s mouth.

In school he had pretended not to fear the marauders. Now, he wanted nothing more than to take Hermione, Crookshanks, Harry, Neville, and flee from them.

“I need you to remove a pair of shoes from this little troublemaker.” She pointed to Severus.

“What, those ugly silver things?” The Sirius general asked.

“They are not ugly!” Molly yelled. “They’ll look fabulous with my newest black dress!”

Unlike everyone else, the generals were unfazed by Molly’s outburst. If anything, they enjoyed watching how her screeching intimidated others. 

“Of course they wouldn’t be ugly on you,” the James general answered in a sweet voice before sneering at Severus. “But they look ugly here on big nose.”

“He looks like a Snivelus,” Remus general began.

“Ooh Snivelus,” Peter general rubbed his hand together. “I like that name.”

“Yeah, Snivelus,” Sirius approached him. “Give me the shoes, Snivelus!”

“Don’t do it,” Hermione ordered.

“No, don’t let her become more powerful,” Harry chimed in.

Severus turned to the generals, who had him surrounded on all sides. There was no escaping what they were about to do. All he could do was fulfill his friends’ wishes.

“You’ll pry them from my cold, dead corpse,” he growled.

James general pulled out his wand. “Scourgify.”

Molly darted into the corner as bubbles came from Severus’ mouth. It was an action that didn’t go unnoticed by him.

“Hang him so we can get the shoes,” Sirius demanded.

Remus pulled out his wand and did as his friend requested. Peter leapt up to grab the shoes, only to be jolted away.

“Damnit, you always were incompetent,” James reached for the shoes, only to be jolted back himself.

“Lemme try,” Remus did so, to the same result.

Sirius tapped them, only to have a jolt of magic go through him.

“Give us the shoes!” James demanded.

“No!” Severus yelled through the soap in his mouth. Gods he was tired of the marauders, so freaking tired of them. He just wanted it all over, for them to be gone once and for all.

“Fine, we’ll make you beg to take them off,” James replied.

Severus suppressed a scream as the marauders continued to hex him. Harry and Hermione screamed as the generals danced around Severus, making their hexes into a game of who could fire the most painful one. All the while they chanted, “Snivelus! Snivelus! Big nosed ugly Snivelus.”

“You’re an old greasy git!” Molly yelled over them. “Nothing but an old, greasy git!”

At some point, their taunts became softer, and the pain became less acute. At that moment, blessed darkness overtook him. 

Chapter Text

Severus awoke, his right leg throbbing so hard he almost let out a whine. He looked around the cold, dry cell. Only the low light of the torches beyond the bars could be seen. At first, he considered crawling towards the bars for a better look at his surroundings, but thought better of it. Knowing his luck, one of the marauders was there, preparing to resume Severus’ torture. Sitting against the wall wouldn’t be terrible, so long as he was quiet.

“Severus?”

He turned beside him at the sound of the voice. There was a glimmer of newly polished tin. He crawled towards it and whispered, “Hermione?”

“Yes, I’m here.”

He glanced around. Pieces of her body were tossed into a messy pile. Hopefully she would be all there, or at least the missing parts would be easy enough to find in Molly's lair.

“Are you in pain?” He asked.

“No,” she answered. “One of the advantages of being made of tin is that I can’t feel pain anymore. It is beneficial in a time like this.”

“So it is.”

A silence fell between them. Severus scanned the room, wondering what the Wicked Witch had planned. Better yet, what did the marauders plan to do? How could they have returned from the dead? Why did they have to follow him to Oz? Would they ever leave him alone?

“What happens now in your movie?” Hermione asked.

“I don’t know,” Severus admitted. “Molly wasn’t supposed to destroy you, and the generals weren’t supposed to be there at all.”

“They weren’t?”

“No, the Winkies in the movie were just following orders. They didn’t harm Dorothy, nor did they take joy in harming anyone.”

“Those guards were sadistic. They wanted you dead.”

“They’re heartless,” Severus replied. “They were heartless at Hogwarts, and they’re heartless now.”

“Why do they hate you?”

“I don’t know why these generals hate me. The ones at Hogwarts hated me because I was poor and disheveled compared to them The fact that I was into a kind of magic they did not approve of did little to help matters.”

“You know magic?” Her voice was hopeful.

“In Hogwarts, yes, but here my magic is useless. If I could use it at all, I would have found a way to save you.”

“Oh,” her voice was quieter.

Another moment of silence fell between them.

“When you say you don’t have a heart, you need to remember those guards,” Severus began. “They lack a heart, not you. You have the biggest heart I’ve ever seen.”

“I don’t feel like I have a heart.”

“And they probably feel as if they have a heart, but that does not make it the case.”

“Do you think their chests are empty too?”

“No, but it would serve them right if they were made of tin.” Severus’ muscles tightened. “They deserve to rust by the yellow brick road. You never did.”

“Nobody deserves what happened to me.”

“I beg to differ. They deserve to be hurt, not you.”

“No they won’t. Standing there watching the world go by, being unable to say anything, it was pure torture. I wouldn’t wish that on anyone, even them.”

“Which is why you have a heart, yet they do not. They would lose little sleep if that were to be my fate. It wouldn’t surprise me if they were devising ways of making me nothing more than rusted tin.”

“I hope that isn’t the case,” Hermione replied. "I hope we can save you from becoming tin."

“Me too, but I must be prepared for anything,” Severus answered.

Once again, the dungeon fell silent. He couldn’t help but shake his head at the irony. At Hogwarts, the dungeons had been home, a place where he could escape from the world. Now, he wasn’t even safe in his sanctuary. Molly and the marauders had a way of destroying everything they touched, especially his sense of security.

“Severus?”

He hummed.

“Do you like the movie you keep bringing up?”

“Why do you ask?”

“You always speak of it with such disdain. Do you like this movie?”

He swallowed. “No, I despise it.”

“Why? Because people sing in it?” She asked.

“No, because I don’t understand the message.”

“The message?”

“Yes, Dorothy only wants to go home. The whole movie is her journey home. She was convinced there was no place like home.”

“What's so hard to understand? You want to go home.”

“Yes, which is admittedly odd given how I feel about home.”

“It doesn’t sound like home was a nice place for you.”

“I’ve never had a home,” he admitted. “Not like Dorothy did. She wanted to go home because she had people who loved her.”

“But you don’t?”

“No,” he whispered.

“I don’t think that’s true,” She replied.

“How would you know what Hogwarts or my life there is like?”

“Because you’re kind, at least with me. Yes, you snark, but there’s a wit about you too I enjoy. You do the right thing, even if it’s reluctantly,” she replied. “I don’t know why anyone wouldn’t love someone like you.”

“There are many reasons not to love me.”

“But there are more reasons to love you.”

“Or so you say,” he replied.

“I do say,” her lips contorted into a smile.

He let out a little chuckle.

“Was there any part of the movie you liked?” She asked.

“Yes.”

“What was it?”

“You’ll consider me mad, but there was a song.”

“A song?”

“Yes, it was at the beginning. Dorothy sang it before she was transported to Oz.”

“What was it called?”

“Over the Rainbow.”

“How does it go?”

Severus looked down at her. It was difficult to see her eyes, but her voice was pleading for comfort. There was nobody around, and the music wasn’t swelling. As long as the music wasn’t playing he might be able to sing without the marauders intruding.

In a soft voice he began:

Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high, 

There's a land that I heard of once in a lullaby.

Soft music played in the background. Severus considered stopping, and so far, musical numbers were allowed to proceed uninterrupted. Besides, Hermione needed comfort. The least he could do was provide it.

Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue,

And the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true.

He was a bit surprised he remembered the lyrics, but they flowed from his heart. Perhaps the magic of Oz involved memorizing song lyrics, or the song had touched him more than he cared to admit.

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. 

Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops,

That's where you'll find me.

His throat constricted at the thought that he had yet to find this magical place where he was accepted. Neither Oz nor Hogwarts had been kind to him. Still, he pressed on

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow; why, then, oh why can't I?

The music played as a bluebird whistled above them. If only he could be a bird so he could fly her parts away and save her.

Someday I'll wish upon a star and wake up where the clouds are far behind me. Where troubles melt like lemon drops away above the chimney tops,

That's where you'll find me.

Somewhere over the rainbow, bluebirds fly.

Birds fly over the rainbow; why, then, oh why can't I?

He paused for a moment as the music continued.

If happy little bluebirds fly beyond the rainbow, Why, oh why can't I?

The music stopped as he exhaled. If he wasn’t so despondent he would have sworn Hermione to secrecy that he could in fact, sing. Right now, he couldn’t find it in himself to snap at anyone, much less her.

“That was beautiful,” Hermione began with a catch in her voice.

“Do try not to cry,” he began. “I don’t have the oil can with me, so if you rust there is nobody who can help you.”

“Oops, I may or may not have dropped an oil can.”

Severus’ body went cold. Ron, the flying monkey, was standing in the doorway, a box in his hands.

“What do you want?” Severus hissed.

“I came to give you your breakfast,” Ron put a box through a slit.

Severus stared at the tray. Knowing Molly, it consisted of arsenic, cyanide, and vomit flavored jellybeans.

“Oh no!” Ron exclaimed.

“What?” Severus growled.

“I may have dropped the oil can and some enchanted tape in the cell too.”

“Enchanted tape?” 

“Yes, I don’t know if it works on tin or not, but, if it does you shouldn’t use it. No, don’t use it or you’ll anger the witch.”

Severus raised an eyebrow as he took the items.

“Anyway, the Witch will want to see me soon…”

“Why are you helping us?” Severus demanded.

“Helping?” Sweat formed on Ron’s brow. “Who said I was helping anyone?”

“Cut the act. It’s clear you don’t agree with Molly’s actions and you’re going out of your ways to help me repair Hermione. Why are you going along with any of this?” Severus asked.

“Because,” Ron sighed. “The hat makes me obey Molly.”

“The what?” Severus asked.

“The Witch’s hat,” Ron explained. “Whoever wears that hat controls my brothers and me.”

“Can’t you think for yourself and fight it?”

“Not for long,” Ron answered. “If we struggle against it for too long, it begins to harm us. Sometimes it’s a minor effect like turning our wings into ugly colors, but if we resist it for too long, well, it gets really painful.”

“Why don’t you just steal the hat and wear it yourself?” Severus asked.

“It doesn’t work that way. The Wicked Witch has to die, or give the hat away. Then that person gets to run our lives.”

“So you are born into slavery.”

“Barbaric, isn’t it?” Hermione began. “Flying monkeys deserve rights just like everyone else.”

“Indeed they do.”

“I don’t think too much about it. It’s just the way things are,” Ron replied. “Anyway, I should go. If I were you, I would consider hiding the tape and oil can from the generals. Or don’t. It doesn’t matter. I never told you which to do because I never saw you get either item.”

Severus watched as Ron flew away. He twisted his lip before examining the items.

“At least he still cares somewhat for me,” Hermione began in a soft voice.

“Indeed, though I still believe Molly poisoned my food.”

“That would be in her nature to do so.”

“Indeed,” Severus scooted the items back towards Hermione. “If we want to escape Molly, we need that bucket of water.”

“Are you sure her weakness is water?” She asked. 

“I know it is,” he answered. “I saw how quickly she got away when the generals made water go out of my mouth. She’s terrified of water.”

“Why would she allow the generals to use that spell then?”

“Because she doesn’t want them to know her weakness. If they don’t know it, they can’t use it against her, or perhaps they do know it and are so devoted to her they choose not to use it against her.” Severus scratched his chin.

“Both of those sound absolutely horrid.”

“Yes,” Severus ran his hand over the oil can. “But their sadism can be used to our advantage.”

“How?”

“They would have no problem giving me water, not if they believed it would hurt me.”

“But water doesn’t hurt you. They already know that. How could you convince them otherwise?”

“You are correct in saying water doesn’t hurt me, but it does hurt you.” Severus’ lips curled up.

“I-I don’t understand.”

“If you are willing to take a serious risk, I have a plan for escaping from this prison cell with a bucket of water.”

“What is it?”

Severus leaned down and whispered his plan. He couldn’t see her expression, but he felt the tin under him shift into a smile.

“That’s positively brilliant,” she replied when he’d concluded.

“Yes, but there is a caveat. If I fail you could be harmed. Are you willing to take that risk?” He asked.

“I am, but,” she paused. “If you can’t escape them, they’ll harm you again. I don’t want to see you injured, not again.”

“Don’t worry about me,” he replied. “At heart, the generals are nothing more than marauders. If there’s one thing I know how to do, it’s escape a marauder.”

***

It took a couple of hours, but eventually the dungeon door opened. Footsteps echoed through the corridor. If he had to guess, they belonged to Peter. The snickering from across the dungeon confirmed it. Good. He wanted to face the least savvy one.

“It is rather unfortunate that I cannot repair you, Hermione, though the situation could be worse,” Severus began. 

“How?” She asked. “I’m shattered. How could my predicament be any worse?”

“They could pour a bucket of water on you and force me to watch,” Severus continued. “That would be worse than any other torture they could dream up. I would never recover if you were rusting away in some prison cell.

He heard the footsteps scurry away up the corridor. Severus grinned.

Now he would face the marauders one final time.

This time, he was confident he could win.

Chapter Text

The generals took longer to reach the dungeons than Severus had expected. When they finally arrived, there was a maniacal gleam in James’ eyes and a haughty sneer on Sirius’ face. Remus and Peter stood in the back, one on each side of the door, their expressions just as sinister.

“So Snivelus, you care for that pile of tin cans,” James approached him with the bucket of water.

“Yes, I care for her deeply,” Severus argued before his voice softened. “Perhaps more than I’ve cared for anyone else.”

“You care for her even though she can never give you her heart?” If Severus couldn’t see the sadistic gleam in Remus’s eye, he would’ve sworn it was a genuine question. 

“It makes sense,” Sirius crept beside the prisoner. “Anyone with a real heart would know Snivelus wasn't worthy of it. That’s why his only chance of romance is with a pile of tin cans.”

Remus and Peter laughed in the background as Severus waited for James to get closer.

“Don’t you dare insult him,” Hermione snapped. “Even a heartless pile of tin knows he is far more caring than you ever will be.”

“Wow, she has no heart and no brains,” Peter replied.

“She has more of a brain than all of you have combined,” Severus argued.

”Let’s see how much that bucket of bolts cares for you once she’s rusted over,” James held up the bucket of water.

“She’ll care as much for me as I care for this,” Severus kneed James in the groin.

James let out a yelp two octaves higher than his usual voice. Severus caught the bucket before water could splash out. Sirius glared at him and held up his wand, “Sc-"

Severus knocked the wand out of his hand before punching him in the gut. Sirius gasped for air before tumbling to the ground. 

Remus and Peter leapt into the cell to grab Severus, only to be slammed into the wall, one after the other. Severus raced out with the bucket of water, looking inside to see the water level. Thank goodness James had filled it just below the brim. He had more than enough water to defeat Molly.

“What are you three standing around for?” James yelled in a voice as high as that of a munchkin. “Get him!”

Severus raced to the top of the stairs and flung open the door. He glanced around and found a wooden chair. He propped it in front of the dungeon door before darting away, doing his best to run without sloshing the water.

If he remembered right, the Wicked Witch of the West’s room was on the top level. He vaguely remembered being carried down the stairs, though how many flights he wasn’t sure. No matter. He would find the Witch’s throne room if it was the last thing he did. 

Severus dashed through one hallway, then another. A few times he hid in the shadows to avoid a passing guard. None seemed to detect him, none so much as glancing in his direction. After running around until he was winded, he found a staircase. He caught his breath before running up.

A few times he glanced at the bucket. It was still full, or at least full enough for Molly. So long as he didn’t need to throw it on anyone before reaching her, he could escape this predicament in one piece.

Molly’s cackling echoed throughout the staircase. Severus winced. He couldn’t wait to be rid of that noise. In this world Molly’s voice had been obnoxious enough. In Oz, it was as excruciating as a Crucitas curse.

“Oh yes, that little gitty is as good as mine.”

“Do not be so certain of that,” Severus opened the door.

“Severus!” She screeched.

“No, it’s the pizza delivery man.” He deadpanned.

“Pizza delivery man?” She raised an eyebrow.

“Forget it. It’s a muggle thing.”

"Muggle?" She cocked her head.

“Never mind. Just focus on the fact I escaped your guards."

She sneered. “So you did.”

Severus’ stomach sank. Molly was calm, too calm around this bucket of water.

“Come closer my dear,” she began in the same sweet voice she used when speaking with Harry in his world. “I was watching something quite enlightening, something which may capture your interest.”

Severus remained where he was. She backed away from the ball, allowing him a better view. Within it was the image of a human Hermione in a human Ronald’s arms. They laughed as they twirled across the ballroom. It took a few moments to register that she was wearing a white wedding dress, and he was wearing his best tuxedo. Ron whispered something in her ear, and she giggled.

The image in the ball switched again. This time, Hermione was holding a red headed child. Another red headed child of about two was bouncing around her knee. Ron leaned in and kissed her. They looked at each other, eyes glistening in what could only be described as true bliss.

“Don’t they make a beautiful family?” Molly asked in a sweet voice.

Severus’ throat constricted. She had everything she wanted, a child, a man who loved her, and none of it involved him. Once again, he was on the outside looking in on a loving family

“Yes, she’s much happier with her than she’d ever be with an old, greasy git like you," Molly continued in a soft voice. 

Severus’ body grow cold as his throat constricted until he couldn't breathe.

“Admit it, you’re not good enough for her,” Molly continued. “You’re too damaged, too cynical, too old. She was never going to love you, not the way you love her.”

His stomach sank. As much as he hated her, she was right about everything. Who was he to fight it?

“There’s no reason for you to fight me,” Molly drew closer. “True love such as her and Ronald is inevitable. You can surrender now, or watch her in another man’s arms for the rest of your life.”

He remained rooted in place, her words sinking in.

“You know all about that, don’t you.” Molly’s voice was little more than a whisper. “You watched Lily leave you, and now you’re about to watch Hermione leave you.”

Severus shuddered. She was right. Merlin she was right about it all…

“There’s no point in fighting me. Just give me the shoes and everything will be fine. You won’t feel any pain once I receive the shoes. You’ll never have to see Hermione in another man’s arms, not again.”

Severus watched her approach him. His mind felt separate from his body, as if the events before him were happening to someone he was observing across the room.

“Just bend down, take off your shoes, and give me them,” Molly replied.

Severus’ mind flashed to all the conversations he’d had with Hermione since she’d been hired. Her eyes glistened more around him than they had with anyone else. Even in the foulest of moods, he could make her smile. Then there was the ball a few days ago. What had she been trying to tell him?

“She’s left you,” Molly’s voice was harsher. “Give me the shoes and you won’t need to live with the pain.”

Tin Hermione had fought so hard for him, just as the real Hermione had fought to pry her way into his life. No matter how sharp and sarcastic he’d been, she was gentle with him, finally winning over with her genuine offer of friendship. Tin Hermione saw the good in him regardless of the circumstance, just as the real Hermione had. Neither Hermione was afraid to call him on his foul behavior, yet both had assured him they did not think less of him as a person.

Regardless of what happened, they were his friends. He needed to respect those friendships, even if it killed him. 

“Come on Severus,” Molly stood over him. “Give me the shoes.”

“No.”

“No?” She snapped.

“No,” he replied in a stronger voice.

“You can’t tell me no!” Molly screeched. “I’m only telling you the truth! You can’t deny it! Give me the shoes!”

“No, I won’t allow you to use Hermione against me, nor will I allow you to manipulate me into improving your fashion sense.”

“What?” She screamed. "Hermione doesn't love you! I can take away that pain right now if you give me the shoes!"

“I do not know if Hermione is in love with me or not, but I refuse to jeopardize our friendship by being a dunderhead and abandoning her. I will be in her life so long as she wants me.”

“She’s going to leave you! Everyone leaves you! Your mangy little cat will leave you too!”

“I can’t control that, but I can be there if she needs me.”

“You’re a fool, Severus! A dunderheaded fool!” She shrieked

“Oh for the love of magic shut up!” Severus shouted as he threw the water over her. 

“AH!” Molly shrieked. “You cursed git! Look what you’ve done!”

Severus blinked as steam came from her  body.

“I’m melting! Melting!” As the steam grew higher, Molly grew smaller, as her clothes sank lower. 

“Oh what a world! What a world!” She screamed as she shrunk. “Who would’ve thought an old ugly git like you would destroy my beautiful wickedness?"

Severus kept his gaze on her.

She screamed again. “No! No! I’m going. Ahh! Nooo…” Molly’s voice grew softer until no one could hear her whine. Her last screams were like a released untied balloon releasing its last gasp of air.

Once the smoke cleared, there was only a dress and a pointed hat where Molly had been standing. Severus poked her clothes with his foot, but not a sound was heard.

At long last, Molly was silent.

Chapter Text

Severus continued to stare at the crumpled dress and limp witch’s hat on the floor. He knew what happened next in the movie, yet so much had changed. It wasn’t clear if he should leave and free his friends, or find someone to help him clean up the mess. Given that he had no idea where most of his friends were, it would be best to wait for someone to come and hope being the witch’s murderer would be enough to convince them to comply with his demands.

“Is she,” a voice from the window began, “is she dead?”

Severus turned to the flying monkey in the window. Even under the fur on this face, he could tell his skin was pale. Severus turned to him. “It would appear so.”

“She’s dead?” Another monkey flew in behind him.

The first monkey moved out of the way, allowing the other four to enter. As the others entered, they muttered amongst themselves.

“Yes, I have killed Molly,” It was at that moment Severus realized what a vulnerable position he was in. While it was clear Ron held no affection for the witch, this did not mean the others felt similarly. How much trouble was he in now, and how would he escape it?

Ron picked up her black dress and examined it. “She is dead.”

"That was the implication when I said I killed her.”

The monkeys looked at each other. Then, they burst into applause and cheers.

“All hail Severus!” George yelled.

“All hail Severus!” The others cheered as they bowed before him.

“There is no need for this adoration,” Severus backed away.

“All hail Severus!” They bowed at his feet again.

He smirked. At Hogwarts the Weasleys had little interest in listening to him. Who knew all he needed to get their attention was to throw a bucket of water on Molly?

“There he is!” 

Everyone turned to the door. James burst inside, a maniacal sneer on his face. Sirius stepped in behind him, Remus and Peter flanking his rear.

“I’m only going to say this once,” Sirius pointed his wand at Severus. “Hand over those shoes.”

“No, they go too well with my cape to ever consider handing them over to you.”

“Scourgify,” Sirius kept his wand on Severus.

Severus’ heart raced as he braced himself for a mouthful of bubbles.

Nothing happened.

“Scourgify!”

Everything remained unchanged.

“I,” Sirius examined his wand. “I don’t understand. Why isn’t it working?”

“Let me try,” James pointed his wand at Severus and attempted to cast the same spell. Once again, nothing occurred.

“Your wands have no more power,” the Bill flying monkey began. “The Wicked Witch of the West gave them their power. Now that she’s dead, they’re as useless as the wood they were made from.”

The generals’ eyes grew bigger.

Severus glanced at the wall. He smirked as he took note of the glistening metal of the axe.

“No,” Remus shook his head. “It can’t be. She can’t be dead.”

“See for yourself,” Charlie pointed to the dress and hat.

The generals stepped inside and examined the remains of the witch. Then, they exchanged glances at each other.

“It would appear you lack any power over me,” Severus began as he picked up the axe.

“We’ll always have power over you,” Sirius argued. “We’ll always be bigger, stronger, and more attractive than you. We will always defeat you. Always.”

“So you have no intention of making amends and repenting of your ways?”

“Why would we?” Remus asked. 

“Yeah,” James answered. “If anything, the witch being dead works better for us. Now we can take your shoes for ourselves and rule Oz.”

Peter’s eyes gleamed.

“Fine, but do not say I refused to show you mercy,” Severus warned.

“Hey, wh-what do you have there?” Peter asked as Severus raised the axe.

“Oh just a little reward for your years of service,” Severus picked up the axe and threw it at their feet.

James sneered. “Snivelus can’t throw for shit.”

“Who said I wanted to be the one who cut you?”

“Huh?” Sirius asked. 

The axe stood at attention. It pointed itself at James before leaping into the air. The general barely managed to avoid it. The axe stood again and thrust itself towards him, almost slicing Sirius.

“Run!” Peter yelled.

The winkie generals fled from the scene, the axe close behind them.

“He got rid of the winkie generals,” Fred announced.

“All hail Severus!” The other monkeys cheered.

“Yes, yes, all hail me,” Severus deadpanned. “Truly I crave nothing more than your adoration.”

“What is your first command?” Percy asked.

“Command?” Severus raised an eyebrow.

“Yes,” Ron replied. “The person who kills the old wearer of the hat is our new leader. What do you want us to do?”

Severus opened his mouth.

“Wotcher! What’s going on?”

Severus’s muscles tightened as the Tonks winkie stepped inside the room. Judging from the shadows, there were others behind her, all of whom resembled members of the Order.

“We saw the generals running from an axe,” the Kingsley winkie added. “We didn’t know if the witch was angry with them or not, nor did we know if she’d take her anger out on us.”

“You need never fear the witch’s wrath again.” Severus pointed to the dress and hat. “She is dead.”

“Is that true?” Tonks winkie looked at Ron.

“It is,” he smiled. “He’s killed the Wicked Witch.”

“All hail Severus!” Tonks bowed.

“All hail Severus!” The winkies bowed just as she had.

“You hated her too?” Severus asked with a raised eyebrow.

“Oui oui,” the Fluer winkie answered. “None of us could zand her in ze slightest.”

The others nodded and gave their assent.

“But your generals almost killed me. Wouldn’t that imply you held some affection for the witch?” Severus asked.

“They weren’t always our generals,” the Mundungus Fletcher winkie replied. “They used to be the four vilest criminals in all of Oz. They were imprisoned at the time Molly took over.”

“She loved their sadistic natures so much she made them our generals, despite us wanting nothing to do with them,” the Marlene McKinnon winkie replied.

“Yeah, she was even trying to force me to marry Remus,” Tonks shuddered. “I was going to throw myself off this tower if I had to hear her scream about it one more time.”

“That must have been quite migraine inducing,” Severus noted, choking down the sympathy he was developing for her.

“You have no idea," she muttered. 

“Don’t judge us by the actions of the generals. We’re all very friendly and kind, we assure you,” Kingsley answered.

Severus stared at them. He had no love towards the winkies or their generals. Still, if they were telling the truth, they were just as much victims of Molly as he was. For that, he should show them some leniency. Besides, they practically worshipped him, which is more than he could ever say for their real life counterparts.

“We’re also ready to serve,” Ron answered.

“Fine, if all of you want to help, you can repair my friends. You can restuff the scarecrow, repair the tin woman, free the lion and Crookshanks, then perhaps fix me something to eat. I haven’t had a meal since yesterday afternoon and I am becoming quite famished.”

“We’ll fix you the finest meal Oz has ever seen,” Tonks promised.

“Also, we need the wicked witch’s broom.”

“It’s over there in the corner,” Charlie pointed to it. “It’s as good as yours.”

“Thank you,” Severus walked over to it. “Next, we need a way to return to Emerald City.”

“We can do that,” Ron offered. “It won’t be any trouble for us to fly you there.”

“Thank you,” Severus picked up the broom.

“As for your friends, we’ll help them, but, I think ‘Mione would prefer you fix her,” Ron continued.

“I fear I don’t know how to weld a tin person together, so I’d be quite useless.”

“You can use tape, can’t you?” He asked.

“Yes.”

“Then use what I gave you.”

“That tape actually works?”

“Of course it does. It’s magic tape which works on anything.”

“In other words, duct tape,” Severus answered.

“Yep,” Ron replied.

“Why did you give me the tape anyway?”

“I really do care for ‘Mione. She is my friend, even if I don't know if she returns my feelings."

Severus bit back the sarcastic remark he'd considered.

"There's a less noble reason," Ron twisted his lips. "You two were my only chance at freedom. I was hoping you’d fix her so you two could defeat Molly together.”

“Maybe he needed to defeat her by himself,” Tonks offered.

“Oh? What makes you say that?” Fred asked.

“Just a hunch.” She winked at Severus.

Severus felt his stomach clench. The day Tonks knew more about his psychology than he did was the day he threw himself off the top of this castle.

“Come on, the scarecrow won’t stuff himself,” George began. “Let’s get going.”

“Yes, except,” Kingsley frowned. “We don’t have a song.”

“You don’t?” Severus’ eyes lit up.

“No,” Tonks admitted. “We never thought this day would come, so we never wrote anything or practiced any kind of musical number. I hope that doesn’t bother you too much.”

“No,” Severus smiled. “That sounds absolutely perfect.”

***

The winkies were much kinder than their real life counterparts. All of them lavished attention upon Severus as if he was the greatest man in Oz. Given how the wizard had left them to suffer at the hands of Molly, he could see why they would hold him in such high esteem

Not only did they express their gratitude, they expressed it by their actions. They proved helpful in repairing Harry as well as ensuring the cuts and bruises inflicted upon Neville and Crookshanks were healed. Even their cooking was exceptional. Severus had never had such amazing beef Wellington and fresh green beans in his life.

Severus took Hermione to a well lit area to tape her together. All the winkies ensured he had every piece of her. As Severus repaired Hermione, he told her about Hogwarts and the way he had helped defeat his own wicked wizard, Voldemort. She was captivated on how he had survived being bitten by Nagini and his release from the hospital.

“So you’ve been slaying evil witches and wizards for a long time,” she said as he finished taping her right arm to her chest.

“Slay is a strong word,” he replied as he began taping the pieces of her chest together. “But I’ve had my fair of experiences with them.”

“Which was the scariest?” She asked. “I know you didn’t mean to kill Bellatrix, and you didn’t fight her. Still, you fought Voldemort and Molly. Which was more terrifying?”

“Molly,” he continued taping her chest together.

“Molly?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“Because when I fought Voldemort and Bellatrix, I didn’t have any friends,” he looked into her eyes as his voice became more tender. “When I fought Molly, she wanted to kill you. I could have lost you. That alone makes Molly the most dangerous witch I’ve ever faced.”

“I was terrified for you,” she answered in an equally soft voice. “You were gone for so long after you grabbed the water. I was terrified Molly had done something to you and I’d never see you again.”

“It’s over. At long last, we’re both free from Molly.”

“Yes,” she grinned. “We are.”

***

True to their word, the flying monkeys returned the friends to Emerald City. There was no shortage of commotion when they saw them enter. At first, it was terror that the Wicked Witch had prevailed and was attacking. When they saw Severus hold up the witch’s broom, cheers erupted from the crowd. One particular audience member caught Severus’ attention.

“Ronniekins!” Lavender raced over and embraced him. “You’re free, finally free!”

“From her, yes,” He looked at Severus. “I work for Severus now.”

“No, you don’t,” Severus cut in.

“But you have the hat.” He released Lavender. “I have to work for you.”

“No,” he took off the hat and placed it on Ron’s head. “I’m giving it to you.”

Ron blinked.

“You need to be the ruler of your own destiny. Don’t let Molly or me dictate what you should and shouldn’t do. Live your own life. Be your own master.”

“I,” Ron’s face lit up. “I now rule my brothers!”

Severus shook his head. He should’ve known Weasley would always be Weasley.

“Does this mean you’ll marry me now?” Lavender asked.

“Yes, I will.” He captured her lips.

Severus exhaled. He would never understand what women saw in Ron, but Lavender was happy. That’s all that mattered in the moment.

Hermione put a hand on his shoulder and said, “let’s see the wizard.”

“Yes, let’s,” Severus led his friends to the castle, all while Oz rejoiced in their victory.

***

In the land of the Quadlings, far south of the bustle of Emerald City, four winkies entered Ollivander’s tin shop. All of them were missing limbs, and all were much humbled from their noble beginnings. Ollivander fulfilled their requests for new appendages, sent them on their way, and told them always to carry a can of oil, lest they rust.

Of course this is just a rumor. In reality, the winkie generals were never seen or heard from again.

Chapter Text

Two days ago, Severus would have said the wizard would grant everyone’s wish, even if his methods were unconventional. After the adventure with Molly though, he wasn’t sure what to expect. Perhaps the wizard was magical, or at least as magical as Severus was in his world.

“What do you think my brain is going to look like?” Harry asked.

“I don’t know, but hopefully it’s more visually appealing than the ones I’ve seen,” Neville shuddered.

“Do I want to know where you’ve seen a brain?” Severus asked as he held Crookshanks against his chest, the witch’s broom in his left hand.

“I bought a book on anatomy once,” Neville shuddered. “It was one of the grossest purchases I’ve ever made. I could’ve gone my whole like without seeing the inside of a stomach.”

“I see.”

“Still, when I get courage, I won’t be so squeamish.” Neville grinned. “I may even watch the wizard put Harry’s brain inside of him, and help him put Hermione’s heart inside her.”

“I can’t wait to have a heart again,” Hermione’s tin lips were curled upwards. “I do miss feeling it beat within my chest.”

“What about you?” Harry asked. “Are you excited to go back to Hogwarts?”

“Sure, I’m very eager to leave a place where I am worshipped for a place where nobody can stand to look at my face,” Severus deadpanned.

“That’s not true,” Hermione took his hand. “Surely there’s one person who is counting down the seconds until you return, eager to see you again.”

“Yeah, you’ve been such a great friend,” Neville answered. “Other people must see that you are kind under all that snark.”

“And if they don’t, you can return to Oz,” Harry added.

“Now there’s an appealing option,” Severus admitted.

“Excuse me.”

Everyone turned to the door, where Draco stood.

“The wizard will see you now.”

“Very well then.” Severus replied before leading everyone into the wizard’s room.

Upon entering, two balls of flame swirled around them. After a few moments, they merged into one, forming a peacock.

“So, you’ve made it back,” the fiery peacock boomed, its tail feathers outstretched. “That didn’t take you long.”

“No, once I got the bucket of water Molly was easy to defeat,” Severus answered as he allowed Crookshanks to leap from his arms onto the floor.

“A bucket of water?” The peacock put its feathers to its beak.

“Indeed. All you need to do is pour some water on her and she will melt.

“What was she, a snowman?”

“More like a walking, talking fire ball."

“A shrieking ball of fire,” Hermione added.

“I’m surprised you aren’t here asking for an Aspirin. She couldn’t have gone down quietly.”

“You have no idea how loud a melting witch can be,” Severus replied.

“I can only imagine,” the peacock chuckled to himself.

“Indeed,” Severus held up his broom towards the peacock. “Now here’s her broom. Please grant us our wishes.”

The peacock examined the broom before shaking its head. “This is the wrong broom.”

“What?” Severus snapped. “I took this from her throne room myself. I can verify that this is her broom.”

“How do I know that?”

“It has her name on it,” Severus turned the broom around before showing him the etching which said, “Property of Molly, Wicked Witch of the West.”

“Well, that’s not the right broom,” he argued.

“It was in her throne room, and it bares her name. What is wrong with it?” 

“She has two brooms. I wanted the purple one.”

“The purple one?” Severus sputtered.

“Yes, the purple one will look better in my sitting room.”

“There is no purple broom.”

“Maybe you didn’t look hard enough. If I recall correctly the purple one was in her kitchen. I’ll bet you didn’t go in there.”

“Why would I go into her kitchen?”

“Because you needed the correct broom, which you don’t have.”

“Listen,” Neville stepped towards the throne. “Severus was tortured and risked his life to give you that broom. He did everything you wanted him to do. Grant us our wishes.”

“No, he took too long.”

“Took too long?” Hermione snapped.

“Yes, I wanted it done yesterday. Today is too late. I won’t give you anything.”

Nobody noticed Crookshanks stroll behind the peacock.

“There was no time limit to when we could get the broom,” Harry argued.

“Yes there was,” the peacock argued. 

"No, I remember what you said," Harry answered. "There was no time limit."

“Oh so now we're relying on the memory of a brainless scarecrow."

“Listen you dunderhead,” Severus retorted.

Crookshanks found a curtain. He cocked his head, realizing it had been quite some time since he’d torn down a curtain. It was so much fun the last time he’d done it. He bet this would be the same.

“We did everything you wanted us to do. Now hold up your end of the bargain,” Severus argued.

“No,” the peacock argued.

“You can’t renege on your promise,” Hermione argued. “That isn’t right.”

“Don’t blame me. You’re the ones who got the wrong broom and didn’t get it in enough time.”

Crookshanks tore down the curtain and meowed.

“You…” Severus looked past the peacock and hissed, “Lucius?”

“Lucius? Who’s that?” The peacock glanced around.

“You.” Severus pointed to the man in the booth.

“Me?” Lucius took note of everyone’s attention on him. “Pay no attention to the man behind the screen. He’s just an illusion. I’m a peacock, a real peacock.”

“Oh you certainly are a cock,” Severus snarled. “I should’ve known you were behind all this. Only you would put a broom on a mantle and send people to do a mission you should’ve been able to do yourself.”

“Wait, he’s not a wizard?” Hermione asked.

“No, he’s a wizard, but his magic doesn’t work here,” Severus answered. “Just like mine doesn’t.”

“Well, pretending to be a peacock was worth a try.” Lucius exited the booth before glaring at Crookshanks. “I knew I should’ve cat-proofed this place.”

“Yes, having your grand scheme taken apart by a half-kneazle must be quite humbling,” Severus replied.

Crookshanks strutted over to Severus, tail high in the air, a smug expression on his face.

“Wait, does this mean he can’t give us what we want?” Harry asked.

“No,” Severus replied. “He is no better than a con man from Omaha.”

“Now I resent that,” Lucius snapped. “I wouldn’t be caught dead in Omaha.”

“Is that an honest statement, or another lie?” Hermione demanded.

“No, that is true enough,” Severus replied. “He thinks he's too good to ever set foot in the American Midwest."

“Fine, you got the broom.” He reached out his hand. Severus put the broom into it. “It looks genuine, so I suppose I must hold up my end of the bargain.”

“Oh thank you for being oh so gracious,” Severus grumbled.

“You,” he pointed to Harry, ignoring Severus. “You want a brain.”

“I do,” Harry nodded.

“I told you earlier that half of Emerald City needs a brain. Somehow they manage to be dumber than you on your worst day.”

“Uh, thanks?” Harry drawled.

“You don’t need a brain per se. What you need is someone to commiserate with, someone who can point out the right track. That way, if you’re being an idiot, they can correct you.”

Severus raised an eyebrow. He didn’t remember this from the movie.

“What you need is a partner,” Lucius reached out his hand. From the shadows emerged Luna, the mayor of the munchkins.

“A partner?” Harry asked.

“Yes,” Lucius answered. “She will help you organize your ideas, tell you when you’re wrong, and congratulate you when you’re correct.”

“I think we’ll make a great team,” Luna began as she approached him. 

“It doesn’t bother you that I’m a scarecrow?” He asked.

She shook her head. “I’ve always liked scarecrows. They’re sweet, and very intelligent.”

“Thanks,” if Harry could’ve blushed he would have.

“As for you,” Lucius gestured towards Neville. “You want courage.”

“I do,” he answered.

“You had a lot of nerve back talking me earlier,” Lucius mused aloud. “It seems you have courage, but lack confidence.”

“There’s a difference?”

“A slight one,” Lucius replied. “Courage means you can go into a dangerous situation, but confidence means you feel comfortable enough with yourself to know you will escape intact.” 

“Oh,” Neville answered.

“That’s why I’ve gotten you this,” Lucius pulled out a paper from his pocket.

Neville took the item and examined it. “A gift card for Flourish and Blotts?”

“Yes,” Lucius answered. “They have this great new section of books called, ‘Self-Help.’ In these books, you’ll learn strategies for getting confidence, like dressing appropriately and standing up straight so you take command of a room.”

“And these strategies work?” Neville looked at the wizard.

“Of course they do. How do you think I’ve remained so successful?”

“You read self-help books?” Severus asked.

“No, I write them.”

“Excuse me?”

“How do you think I generated more wealth after the war?”

“I thought it was through investments.”

“No, it was becoming a published author,” Lucius answered. “All I needed was a pseudonym and an angle. Then, I created a whole new enterprise. It’s been very profitable.”

Severus groaned before shaking his head. Of course Lucius would make a living off bragging.

“As for you,” he turned to Hermione. “I can’t do a thing for you.”

“What?” Severus snapped.

She cast her eyes downward.

“Your gifts are unconventional, and more than a little confusing, but you can give something to Hermione,” Severus snapped.

“I can’t help her because I don’t have her heart.”

“So? You don’t have Harry’s brains either. That didn't deter you in the slightest.”

“He’s right,” Hermione spoke up. "He can't help me."

Severus turned to her. “No, I saw the movie. He helps the Tin Man. He has a watch he gives the Tin Man. That's his heart. Lucius could order a watch shaped like a heart now if he wanted.” 

“No, that’s not the issue,” Hermione answered. “He can’t give me my heart because it’s with you.”

Chapter Text

Severus stared at the Tin Woman. He loved her, but was it because he loved her as she was, or was it because he loved Hermione and she was identical to her? If the Tin Woman loved him, could he stay in Oz forever? It would be better than watching his Hermione find love with Ronald, yet did he want to spend the rest of his life one musical number away from insanity?

“You have my heart,” she began. “My Half Blood Prince.”

“Half Blood Prince?” His eyes grew.

She nodded.

“I am completely lost. Is there a man in Oz you are mistaking me for?”

“No, Severus, this is our metaphorical future.”

“Are you saying in the future women will be made of tin? That seems more likely in Oz than at Hogwarts.” 

“No, what I’m saying is that this is a metaphor for who we will be in the future if you continue on the path you’ve chosen.”

“Would you stop speaking in riddles and tell me what you mean?”

“You wound up in Oz because you ran away from me. I pleaded with you to come back, but you would rather have taken your chance in a storm than hear my side of the story.”

His stomach churned at the truth in her words.

“I know you, and I know who you could be when you return,” she continued. “If you continue on the trajectory you are on, you will become sharp with me, ignore what I have to say, until one day you make your rejection complete by leaving Hogwarts altogether.”

“I wouldn’t leave Hogwarts,” his voice softened. “At least not at the end of this year.”

“It may take you a year, but you would search for employment opportunities elsewhere while I pleaded with you to stay,” she argued.

“I’ve always wanted to take a break from teaching.”

“Do you want to take a break from me?”

“No, but you must understand, I cannot stand the idea of you with another man,” he argued. “Can’t you understand that it would kill me to see you happy with another man while I dreamed of holding you every night?”

“Can’t you understand your rejection would kill me?” Hermione asked. “Every rejection of yours, every time you turn away from me, every time you refuse to acknowledge my existence would be like a slice in my body. There will be little left of me when all is said and done.”

“You could be happy with another.”

“Have you been paying no attention?” Hermione replied louder. “I don’t have a heart because you have it. No matter what happens, my heart will always be with you.”

Severus swallowed.

She took his hand. “Please, give me a heart by allowing me to have yours.”

“You don’t know what you’re asking.”

“I’m asking for you to be in my life forever.”

“In Oz?”

“In the real world with the real Hermione.”

“Right, the metaphor,” he replied.

“Yes.”

“You say you want my heart now, but that doesn’t mean my Hermione feels this way.”

“Your Hermione hasn’t left your bedside since they found you under the Shrieking Shack.”

“Bedside?” Severus cocked his head.

“Yes, you’ve been in a coma for days.”

“So in other words, none of this is real.”

“Oh we’re as real as you want us to be. Even dreams are real,” she answered. “Yet you don’t want a tin woman. You want your Hermione, just like I want my Prince.”

“So all of this was my subconsciousness the entire time?”

“I prefer to call it a metaphorical alternate reality.”

“I suppose it could be called that,” he squeezed her hands.

“You have a choice, Severus,” she continued. “You can write all of this off as a dream, pretend it never happened, and live your life as if you’ve never been to Oz, or you can use this journey to inform your future and choose the path which will make you happiest.”

“I will only be happy if you love me. Can you promise that you’ll love me when I wake up?”

“If my staying by your bedside for days isn’t enough to convince you of my love, I don’t know what will.”

“I suppose not,” he frowned. “Though I will miss everyone adoring me. That was quite nice.”

“Yes, and you also got to conquer your greatest fears. Then again, you can choose to forget those lessons and give into them again.”

“True, although I doubt throwing water on Molly will cause her to melt.” 

“Oh I don’t know. I’ve never seen her take a shower.”

Severus laughed. “Neither have I.”

She rubbed his hand. “Go back Severus. Give me your heart. Then, I’ll have the heart I want and need.”

“I can, and I will,” he replied before kissing her lips.

“It doesn’t feel the same doing it with tin, does it?” She asked once he released her.

“If my Hermione was tin, I would love her all the same.”

“I know you would.”

Severus took a deep breath before turning around.

“Is it okay if we say goodbye too?” Harry asked.

“I would be receptive to that,” Severus answered.

“Goodbye,” Harry approached him. “I will miss you.”

“I will admit that my time with you was not wholly unpleasant,” he began. “At times, it was almost enjoyable.”

“It’s okay to say you like me,” Harry grinned.

“Never,” Severus gave him a mock scowl.

“Goodbye,” Neville began. “I hope you have the courage to face your fears.”

“Thanks to your example, I may be able to do just that,” Severus answered.

“Is it okay if we have a group hug?” Hermione asked.

“If we must,” Severus rolled his eyes.

The friends embraced. Severus had never felt so loved as he had in that moment. If this was his subconscious, maybe he could feel this in his waking life, if only he knew how to reach for it.

“All right, Severus, it’s time for you to leave,” a familiar woman’s voice chimed in.

Severus turned to Minerva, who had somehow appeared in the throne room, still in her Glinda costume.

“I know, knock the boots together three times, no place like home, and all that,” he picked up Crookshanks. “May I ask something though?”

“I don’t see why not,” she replied.

“Why was it so important that Molly not get these shoes?” Severus asked. “She almost killed my friends and me to get them. What was so special about them?”

“Those shoes grant the user’s deepest wish,” Minerva replied. “In Molly’s case, it was to control everyone around her and break the record for the loudest screech in history.”

“I can understand why that would not be pleasurable for anyone,” Severus replied.

“That’s also why I didn’t tell you the shoes could take you home,” she continued. “You needed to go on this journey before you destroyed your waking life. If I told you about them, your deepest wish would not be fulfilled.”

“I do not know if my deepest wish has been fulfilled, but I will do my best to remember what I’ve learned,” he promised.

“Good.” She replied. “Because if you don’t, my Hogwarts counterpart will smack you upside the head.”

“I would expect nothing less.” Severus took a deep breath. Images of his Hermione flashed in his mind. He could hear her laugh as he entertained her with some sarcastic quip, and the way her eyes lit up when she told him of his latest potions theory. Yes, she was worth this journey, and worth fighting for once awake. 

He tapped his feet together as he held Crookshanks against him. “There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home. There’s no place like home.”

With that, the world went white. 

Chapter Text

As Severus’ eyes fluttered open, a familiar woman’s face came into view. He could hear her soothing voice saying his name, even if it was muffled by his half conscious state.

“Severus?”

“Hermione,” Severus rasped. Her face was more in focus. “You’re here.”

“Where else would I be?” She gave him the smile he’d yearned to see since the moment he landed in Oz. Her hair was wilder than usual, and her clothes somewhat disheveled, yet he had not seen anyone more beautiful.

“There are plenty of other places you could be,” Severus’ voice was hoarse, no doubt from lack of use. He sat up, wincing when there was a pain in his back.

“No," She took his hands. “There’s nowhere else I want to be.”

“Good, because I would like you to stay.” He rubbed her hands. They were soft, not metallic. Merlin he loved her skin.

Crookshanks leapt onto the bed and began to purr. He rubbed the top of his head against Severus’ chin.

“So you made it back too,” Severus rasped.

“Made it back?” Hermione asked.

He gave her a small nod.

“I should probably get Poppy, tell her you’ve woken up,” she began. “She'll want to examine you.”

“That can wait,” he held her hands tighter. “I just want you here.”

“I’m here,” a tear came to her eye. “I’ll always be here.”

“Hermione, Luna and I were talking, and we both think you should take a short break,” Harry paused upon seeing Severus sitting upright.

“Hello Harry,” Severus began.

“Harry?” Hermione raised an eyebrow. 

“Yes, that’s his name is it not?” Severus answered.

“Yes, but isn’t it usually Potter?”

“Wait, y-you’re awake,” Harry began, Luna standing beside him.

“Your powers of perception are as acute as ever,” Severus deadpanned.

“I have to tell Neville,” Harry began.

“I think Severus needs to rest before receiving any visitors,” Hermione began.

“No,” Luna kept her eyes on Severus. “I think he needs to see Neville.”

“I’ll get him,” Harry darted off.

“It appears as if I am more popular than I realized,” Severus began.

“We were all worried about you,” Luna began.

“Yes, you in a coma for almost a week,” Hermione added.

“I was in a coma for a week?” Severus asked.

“Yes, and there were a few nights where you gave us quite the scare,” Hermione continued. “One night you were convulsing so hard you undid the stitches on your leg.”

“Stitches on my leg?” Severus’ mind flashed to the axe slicing him in that area. 

“Yes,” Hermione’s throat constricted. “We were so scared you’d never wake up.”

“How exactly was I injured?” Severus asked.

“You saw Ron and me in an embrace, which I can explain,” Hermione began.

“‘Mione?”

Severus suppressed a groan. Of course he’d come. How could he have been stupid enough to believe dream Tin Woman Hermione that Ron would no longer be an issue?

“Ron, Severus is awake,” she began. 

“Oh thank Merlin,” Ron exhaled. “It’s great to see you conscious.”

“Indeed,” Severus growled.

“Well, I just came to try and convince you to take a break, but that isn’t necessary, so I should be off,” Ron replied.

“Wait,” Severus drawled. “You only wanted to check on Hermione?”

“Yes, and I honestly don’t have much time to do that.”

“What is more important than the well-being of your dear friend?” He spat out the last two words.

“Severus,” another person asked.

Severus suppressed a sigh. Neville always did have the worst timing.

“You’re awake, and alive,” Neville rushed to the bed.

“That would appear to be the case.”

“Boy we sure were scared when the Shrieking Shack fell on you. We didn’t know if you had died in it,” Neville began.

“The Shrieking Shack fell on me?”

“Yes,” Hermione answered. “You walked in on me and Ron embracing, so you escaped to the Shrieking Shack. Then a tornado came and obliterated it. We found you underneath the debris, holding Crookshanks.”

“I remember holding him.” Severus petted Crookshanks.

“Yes, if you hadn’t covered him, he would have died,” she continued. “You saved his life.”

He hummed before scratching that half-kneazle behind the ears.

“Severus, you’re awake,” a woman’s voice began.

“Perceptive as always, Minerva.”

“Oh thank goodness,” she exhaled. “We were terrified we’d lost you.”

“Indeed, it would have been tragic if you needed to find another potions professor on such short notice.” 

“Oh don’t give me that,” she frowned. “I do care for you, as does everyone else in here.”

“I know you care,” He stopped stroking Crookshanks.

“Now, we will need to discuss your actions before your coma.” Minerva crossed her hands over her chest. 

“I know, I was a dunderhead running out into a storm.”

“Yes, that was idiotic enough, but you hurt Hermione doing so.”

“Did she follow me?”

“No, but she was worried sick for you. You hurt her worse than most other people have.”

His stomach churned. In his heart he’d promised himself he’d never hurt her. Why couldn’t he keep that basic promise?

“I don’t appreciate it when people harm Hermione, especially the way you did by running off and never giving her a chance to explain herself. The girl was beside herself when we found you.”

“I am getting that impression,” he looked at Hermione. “Can you forgive me for fleeing before listening to you?”

“Ron!”

Severus snarled as his head throbbed. So much for killing the Wicked Witch of the West.

“Oh there you are!” Molly rushed over, a huge grin on her face. “I was hoping to see you with Hermione.”

“Mum, I only went to check on her,” Ron began in an even voice. “Now that Severus is awake, I’m going to leave and allow them to talk to each other.”

“Why do they need to speak with each other? Now that she knows he’s fine she can leave his side and focus on more important things.”

“Right now there’s nothing more important than Severus and his recovery,” Hermione argued.

“Yes, Madame Pomfrey can give him his bed rest and feed him some chicken soup. He does not need anything more, at least not from you,” Molly argued.

“Actually Hermione’s presence would be invaluable,” Severus argued. “I would benefit greatly from her friendship and support.”  

“With all due respect, you have Madame Pomfrey,” Molly huffed. “She can care for you. Hermione needs to be with Ron.”

“No, she doesn’t,” Ron replied. “She needs to be with Snape.”

“Don’t give me that,” Molly snapped. “She needs to be with you.”

“Mum, there is no reason for her to be with me. In fact, I don’t have time for her tonight.”

“Don’t have time for her?” Molly exclaimed. “How could you say that?”

“Because I’m meeting Lavender for dinner in a half hour.”

“Lavender!”

Severus winced and groaned. He was going to need a headache potion once all was said and done.

“You can’t be serious about Lavender. The twat will only drag you down!”

“I love her.”

“You can’t love her.” Molly pointed to Hermione. “She’s the love of your life. You two even said so.”

“That was five years ago,” Hermione argued. “We’ve since realized we’re incompatible.”

“Nonsense,” Molly replied. “You’re just having a spat. Somehow you’ll get over it. You two always do.”

“We’re just friends,” Hermione argued. 

“You’re soulmates!”

“We’re good friends.”

“You belong together!”

“Shut up!

Everyone turned to Severus.

“Molly,” he growled. “Your son has made his decision. He does not want to be with Hermione. It is time for you to respect his wishes.”

“B-but…”

“Hermione has made her decision too. She does not want to be with him. You need to respect that as well,” Severus continued.

“But she and Ronald belong together.”

“You are not wanted here, and you are giving me a migraine,” Severus argued. “If you do not leave soon, I will get up and throw a bucket of water on you.”

Molly’s mouth was agape. For the first time in years, she was speechless.

“A bucket of water?” Neville asked.

“Yes, it proves quite effective in silencing some witches,” Severus kept his eyes on Molly. 

“Like the Wicked Witch of the West?” Harry asked.

“The Wicked Witch of the West?” Neville asked.

“Yes, she’s from an overly saccharine Judy Garland movie,” Severus argued.

“What was the movie about?”

“Its plot is not important. All you need to know if the protagonist threw a bucket of water on the Wicked Witch, and she melted. I do not know if Molly will melt when doused with some water,” Severus returned his attention to her. “But I’m willing to try anything to silence her.”

“That won’t be necessary,” Minerva strolled over the Molly. “It’s time to go home.”

“But Ronald…”

“I’m a grown adult who can make my own decisions,” Ron argued. “I choose to be with Lavender, not Hermione.”

Molly opened her mouth. 

“Let’s go,” Minerva began to push her out the door. Before she left, she turned to Neville. “Please give me ten minutes to escort Mrs. Weasley from the premises. We can resume our meeting then.”

“That’s fine,” Neville answered.

“I am glad you are well Severus,” Minerva replied. “If you pull a stunt such as that again, the bump on your head from the shack will be the least of your problems.”

“I would expect nothing less,” Severus answered.

Minerva disappeared with Molly.

“We should get going soon,” Luna turned to Harry. “If you want me to get those books on arson investigation for you, we should do it before the library closes.”

“Great idea,” Harry turned to Severus. “I’m glad you’re okay, Snape. It’s nice to have you back.”

“It is great to be back.”

“If you want to have dinner sometime, we would love to have you over,” Harry was already braced for his rejection.

“I would very much like that,” Severus answered.

“You would?” Harry’s eyes grew.

“Indeed I would,” Severus replied. “I have not given you much of a chance to get to know me. Perhaps it is time to change that.”

“”Wow, either that shack hit you harder on the head than I thought, or you mean that,” Harry muttered.

“Let’s leave before Snape reconsiders his acceptance,” Luna replied.

“Great idea,” Harry gave him a small smile before leaving. “Goodbye Snape.”

“Farewell,” he answered.

“I should leave too,” Neville replied. “Minerva and I are meeting to discuss my greenhouse proposal.”

“So you did work up the courage to pitch your proposal.”

“Yes, thanks to this great self-help book I read I was able to muster the confidence to ask for the meeting.”

“Self-help book?”

“Yes, it’s called, Confidence Will Always Conquer by Lucy Rea Credinta. It’s quite a good book. If you want, I can loan it to you.”

“I may have to look it over,” Severus’ stomach constricted at the thought of how similar the title was to the Malfoy crest, as well as the name to Lucius’. 

“Anyway, I’m glad you’re feeling better. I’ll tell you how it all goes.”

“Thank you,” Severus replied.

Neville gave him one last smile before exiting.

Severus sighed. “I do not think this many people have fussed over me in years.”

“Isn’t it nice to be loved?” Hermione asked.

“Loved is a strong word for what they feel for me,” he answered. “But they seem to tolerate me well enough.”

She chuckled.

“Back to my initial question,” his expression was more serious. “Do you forgive me for fleeing before you could explain yourself?”

“Yes.” She took his hand again. “I forgive you.”

“Thank you.” He relaxed.

“Severus.”

The couple turned to their latest visitor. Severus asked, “Lucius?”

“Yes, it’s so great to see you awake,” he answered. “We’ve been so worried about you.” 

“So I’ve been told,” Severus deadpanned.

“You seem to be in good spirits too.”

“Is there a reason I shouldn’t be?”

“Well, Hermione told me what happened before you raced into the shack. I was afraid you’d wake up in a fouler mood than usual.”

“It is difficult for me to be too upset when Hermione is near.” He gave her a small grin, which she gave in return.

“Yes, it appears as if you’ve received everything you need,” Lucius noted.

“Indeed I have,” Severus answered. “I’m home, and there’s no place like home.”

Chapter Text

Four hours and a few snarky comments later, Madame Pomfrey allowed Severus to return to his quarters, under the condition that he spend his time resting and not catching up on his grading. Hermione had followed him to ensure he did not overexert himself. He couldn’t say he did not appreciate the attention. Even his own mother hadn’t been so nurturing towards him when he'd fallen ill. 

As great as the care and the promise of copious amount of chicken soup were, the greatest gift Hermione had given him was her forgiveness. He wasn’t a man who was accustomed to being forgiven, so being the recipient of it was more valuable than any potions discovery he could have made. After everything he’d endured in Oz, he was determined not to make a mess of his second chance.

“Are you comfortable?” Hermione asked as she fluffed the pillow on his sofa, allowing him to lie upon it.

“I am as comfortable as I’ve ever been,” he leaned back and relaxed.

“That's good.” She gave him a small smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes.

His stomach dropped. Was she only with him out of guilt? Had he misread the situation? Was she finding a gentle way to tell him she was only his friend?

“I’m sorry I didn’t make myself clearer earlier,” she began. “I could’ve prevented this whole disaster if I'd been clearer about a few things earlier.”

“Why would you say that? I was the one who fled and refused to listen,” he began.

“No, I don’t mean the night you caught me with Ron,” she sat on the floor beside him. “I’m talking about at the night of the Ministry Ball. I’m sorry I didn’t break away from Molly and ask you out to dinner later that week.”

“You wanted to ask me for dinner?”

She gave him a small nod.

“I am such a dunderhead,” he whispered.

“What?”

“I knew you wanted to say something to me, but when you did not bring it up the following day, I thought it wasn’t important. Looking back, I should have had the courage to ask you what you wanted to say.”

“I’m at fault too,” she replied. “If I had spoken with you, you would’ve understood I was encouraging Ron to ask Lavender to be his girlfriend.”

“You were giving Ronald encouragement to date another woman?”

“Yes.”

“Oh Merlin,” he shook his head.

“I know how it must have looked, and I didn’t think it would hurt you to see us together as much as it did. If I’d had any clue I would’ve spoken with you sooner.”

“No, the fault is all mine,” he replied. “I have lacked a brain, a nerve, and most of all, a heart. I lacked the brains to consider that things were not as they appeared. I lacked the courage to listen to you when you pleaded with me to stay. Most of all, I lacked the heart to understand how my actions hurt you.”

“Brain, nerve, and heart?”

“Yes.”

She blinked.

“Why are you giving me that look?”

“Nothing, it’s just, you’ve made several Wizard of Oz references tonight, and I’m curious as to why.”

Severus stared at her, wondering how honest he should be. He knew he could trust her with anything, but even he wasn’t sure how to make sense of what had occurred.

Hermione’s lips curled up. “Are you a secret Judy Garland fan?”

“She is a fine enough actress, though her Dorothy is much too innocent and naive for my taste.”

“But you like the movie enough to threaten Molly with a bucket of water.”

“Would you believe it if I told you that is now one of my favorite scenes in any movie?”

“I’m trying to envision you even watching The Wizard of Oz.”

“Let’s just say I was forced to watch it more than I care to admit.”

“True, but enough to quote it?”

“I may have also have reenacted it,” he replied.

“Were you in a muggle play as a child?” She asked with a gleam in her eye.

“No,” he answered. “While I was in my coma, I had a dream where I was trapped in Oz.”

“You did?”

“Indeed, I did.”

“Wow,” she began. “Would I know anyone in it?”

“You would know quite a few people.”

“Who?”

“Well,” Severus exhaled. “Potter was the not so brainless, Scarecrow, and Neville was the not so Cowardly Lion.”

“Was I in it?”

“Indeed you were,” he answered.

“Who was I? Was I Glinda the Good?” She asked.

“No, that was Minerva.”

“Was I a munchkin?”

“No, the Munchkin Mayor was Luna.”

“Hopefully I wasn’t the Wicked Witch of the West.”

“No, that dishonor belonged to Molly."

“Then who was I?” She asked.

His voice softened. “You were the Tin Man looking for a heart.”

“The Tin Man,” her playful expression evaporated.

“Indeed,” he leaned towards her.

“Do you think me heartless?” She asked.

“No, far from it. Like him, you didn’t think you had a heart, but yours was quite large, full of care and compassion.”

“Did I get a pretend heart like in the movie?”

“No, the wizard said he could not do it.”

“Why not?”

“Someone else needed to do it.”

“How did I get my heart?”

His voice grew softer. “I gave you my heart.”

“Your heart?” She asked in a quiet voice. 

“Yes, which mirrors reality nicely.” He met her eyes as his voice became more tender. “It seems as if somewhere between you being hired and the present moment, you have captured my heart.”

“Oh Severus,” her eyes moistened. “You’ve had my heart for years.”

“Then it seems as if we both have what we need. We don’t need our hearts so long as we have each others.”

“Indeed we do.”

She tilted her head closer. Deciding to forego caution, he held her closer to him and captured her lips. She deepened the kiss as he let out a soft moan.

At long last, Severus and Hermione had what they needed. Both of them had each other’s hearts, and they had both found a home in each other.

Thus the Half Blood Prince and the Tin Woman lived happily each other in a magical world outside of Oz.