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Penelope and Luke woke up with pounding headaches. They remembered their road trip to Vegas, starting their night with some slots, some drinking... some more drinking, and then... blackout.
"Tylenol," Luke groaned. "Please."
Penelope reached over to her bedside table with her left hand, and when she saw the ring that adorned her finger, she let out an ear-piercing screech.
"Good god, woman, what did you do that for?" Luke asked, covering his ears with his hands. He was then made aware of a strange sensation, something cold and metal resting on the left side of his face. He pulled his hand away to inspect it, and was instantly made aware of what, exactly, had caused her reaction. "Oh shit."
"There's no way that we..." she started to say. "Is there?"
"We are in Vegas... and were super drunk... so yes. There is a possibility."
"But how do we know?"
"I guess we look around our room for a marriage license?"
"Okay. But Tylenol first."
"Tylenol first," Luke agreed.
They downed their Tylenol and, slowly, since the medication took time to kick in, began their search for a marriage license.
It didn't take them very long.
"Penelope, it's right here. I put it right on top my suitcase."
"What?" She ran over to him and grabbed the paper from his hands. Sure enough, it was a marriage license.
"Holy shit," she said.
"Holy shit," he agreed.
"We're married." She seemed in awe, like she couldn't quite wrap her head around the prospect. Then, her face broke out in a delighted grin. "We're married!"
"You're... okay with that?" Luke asked tentatively. He had been considering bringing up the topic of marriage, but didn't know how best to approach the subject, since he knew what happened the last time she had been close to marriage with someone, and he would like to stay in a relationship with her, thank you very much.
"Are you not?"
"No, I am, I so am, but I didn't think you would be."
"I am." She took his left hand and placed it beside hers, comparing their rings. She didn't know where they gotten the simple, gold bands, but she liked them. "I very much am okay with being married to you. I mean we live together already, that's half of marriage. Why wouldn't I be okay with being your wife?"
"My wife," he repeated, awed. "Oh my god you're my wife." With a grin, he tackled her to their bed, kissing her face and neck repeatedly.
"Luke, Luke," she squealed through giggles. "Luke, stop!"
He stopped instantly and sat up. "Are you okay?"
"I'm fine, and I definitely have no aversion to you doing... that, but we need to talk about this. You know we have to tell the team now. We were able to keep dating under wraps, but Luke, we can't hide a marriage. It would destroy them to think that we didn't feel comfortable enough or whatever with them to share this. They'll be upset enough as it is that we didn't tell them about our relationship in the first place."
"Eh, they'll be fine. We'll just hold an impromptu wedding in Rossi's backyard like you guys did for JJ way back when. Plus, we'll actually be able to remember our wedding. I'd like to be able to remember marrying the love of my life."
Penelope put her face into her hands and groaned. "Oh my god, Rossi. He's never going to let us live this down."
"What do you mean?"
"You didn't know? This is how he and Krystall got married for the first time. She was his Blackjack dealer, they drunkenly got married, and when they sobered up two days later, they got divorced."
Luke's eyes went wide. "I'd heard the storied, but I didn't know that, no. Did they at least know each other before then?"
"Nope."
"So you're telling me he drunkenly married the woman he was actually supposed to spend the rest of his life with, got divorced, reconnected decades later, and got married again?"
"Yes."
"Huh. That's... actually pretty sweet. But yeah, he's never letting us live this down."
When Luke walked into work the following Monday, he made no effort to conceal his new ring. They had decided to tell the team, after all, and what better way than for them to see his ring? He only wondered how long it would take for someone to notice.
His answer? Not very long.
"Luke Alvez, what is that?" Tara asked, moments after he sat down next to her at his desk.
Matt looked up to see what she was talking about, and instantly noticed the golden ring his best friend was sporting. "Luke, did you get married over the weekend?"
"Yes, I did."
Reid and JJ spun around in their chairs to face him. "You did what?" They exclaimed simultaneously.
"Well we seem to be missing all the excitement," Emily said as she and Rossi entered the bullpen together. "What's up?"
"Alvez here," Tara said. "Seems to have gone and gotten himself married over the weekend."
Rossi turned to the younger man, eyes wide. "You did what?"
"It's true," he said, flashing his ring at them. To Rossi, he said, "And unlike your Vegas wedding, I have actually been dating this girl for the past year and a half."
"Hold on," Matt said. "You've been dating someone for a year and a half, and you never told anyone?"
"That would be correct, yes."
"Why?" The entire team demanded at once.
"That's why. Because I didn't want you guys prying into my life every second. It worked better for us. But, since we decided we can't very well hide a marriage, at least not one we want to last, my wife and I would like to have you all over for dinner tonight." Luke still got a thrill from referring to Penelope as his wife.
"I'm in," Rossi said, immediately. "I want to meet the woman who tied down Mr. I-need-the-chase."
Let's hope you don't rip my head off for marrying your pseudo-daughter once you do, Luke thought.
"Same," Tara said.
The rest of the team all agreed.
"Great, I'll let her know."
Reid was the first to arrive at the Alvez residence that night. "Hey man, welcome, come on in," Luke said, as he patted Reid on the back.
"Thank you for having me."
Penelope came running into the entryway. "Is that my Boy Wonder I hear?" She barreled into him and wrapped him in a tight hug.
"Hey!" Reid said. "I didn't know if you'd be coming! So did you meet her yet? His wife? What's she like?" Luke and Penelope stared at him, then at each other, then back at him. He looked between them, confused. "What?"
"Reid," she said slowly. "I am his wife." As if to prove her point, she raised her left hand, where the gold band plus large engagement ring he'd gotten her were sitting. "I thought that was obvious when you came over to meet his wife and I was the only other person here."
"Wait, you are?"
They both nodded.
"Okay, how long exactly have you two been together, dates, I need dates."
A bit surprised at his reaction, it took Penelope a moment to answer. "Okay, um, he asked me out at my Going Away party."
Reid threw his head back and groaned. "Come on, man, you couldn't have waited two more months? Now everyone owes Emily fifty dollars!"
"Why does everyone owe me fifty dollars?" Emily asked as she let herself in. She took the sight of her friends before her, Luke with his arm around Penelope and oh my god there were rings on her hand. And not her normal chunky costume rings, but actual, honest-to-god, wedding and engagement rings. "Holy shit," she said. "You're the mystery wife?"
"It appears as though I am."
The doorbell rang, and Emily and Reid stepped deeper into the house so the newlyweds could answer it.
"Hi, I'm looking for a Mr. and Mrs. Alvez?" Came Tara's voice.
"Here we are," Penelope said.
"Here you- what the fuck?" Tara replied.
"Surprise!" The couple exclaimed. "We've been together for a year and a half and just got married!"
"It is a good thing I brought this, then" Tara said, walking into the kitchen holding a large bottle of wine.
"Ooh, I'll have some of that," Emily said.
The rest of the team arrived, with similar reactions, until only David Rossi had yet to make an appearance.
"Why are you more nervous than I am about him coming?" Penelope whispered to her husband. "He's practically like my father."
"Exactly." he whispered back. "He's practically like your father. I don't feel like getting killed for marrying his pseudo-daughter."
"He won't kill you," she protested.
Just then, there was a knock on the door. "Let's test that theory, shall we?"
Penelope opened the door and was greeted by a kiss on each cheek from the old profiler. "Hello, Kitten, it's been too long."
"Indeed it has, good sir."
"So, how's the new Mrs. Alvez?" Rossi asked, rubbing his hands together. "I can't wait to meet her."
"I'm doing really well, thank you!"
Rossi stared at her, wide eyed, then switched his gaze to Luke, who was rubbing the back of his neck sheepishly. "Surprise."
Rossi looked at them both a little sadly. "Now, it's not that I'm not thrilled for you two, because I am, truly, but," he looked at Penelope. "I was hoping to get the chance to offer to give you away at your wedding."
Her eyes welled with tears. "You were?"
He nodded. "I was. You are like a daughter to me, Penelope, and since you aren't fortunate enough to have your actual father do it, I was going to offer."
Penelope hugged him tightly, tears spilling out from her closed eyes. "I would love that, sir, you have no idea how much that means to me, thank you."
Rossi patted her back affectionately, but looked at Luke, confused, for an answer.
"So, we don't actually remember our wedding," Luke explained. "And we feel really bad that you all missed it, so we were going to throw a make-up wedding."
"And let me guess, you wanted me to host?"
"Well, I mean, only if you want to, obviously we'd never force you to-"
Rossi held up a hand, silencing him. "Luke. I wouldn't have it any other way."
***
Three weeks later, they're all standing in Rossi's yard as they wait for him and Penelope to walk down the aisle. When they finally began their little march, Luke had the air knocked out of him at the sight of his beautiful wife. She was wearing a simple white gown, and she looked positively radiant. He didn't care that they were already married, he couldn't wait to actually have a wedding they remembered.
Morgan, their "officiant" sent a wink his way. He had been the only person aware of their relationship, and was touched that they had asked him to play this role in their unofficial wedding.
Since they were already legally married and were just having a make-up wedding, they bypassed a lot of the normal wedding ceremony stuff and skipped right to the vows. "Luke, you first, man." (It was a casual non-wedding. Morgan could be as casual as he liked.)
"Penelope, you are the light of my life. You are the best thing that ever happened to me, and every day I thank my lucky stars that you consider me to be worthy of even a second of your time, never mind being your husband. I love you, I love you, I love you, and I will spend the rest of my days loving you."
Morgan smiled and turned to Penelope. "And you, Babygirl?"
"Newbie,"
Their small audience laughed as Luke hung his head and groaned.
Penelope laughed and began again. "Luke, nothing about our relationship has been normal, so it makes sense that our marriage wouldn't be normal either. These past few weeks have been absolutely amazing, and I can't wait to see what the future holds for us. I love you, I love being your wife, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my days beside you."
"Well then," Morgan said. "Since you two are already legally married, this part doesn't actually matter, but I'm going to say it anyway. By the power vested in me, I now pronounce you husband and wife. Still. Nothing has changed. You may kiss the bride."
Luke pulled his wife into his arms and, in front of all their friends and family, kissed her.