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The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and Vincent was screaming. It was a normal morning out in Gravity Falls, Oregon, if it weren’t for the fact that Gilbert was fairly certain that this fair Alice was setting up was an actual literal death trap.
Currently, Alice was surveying her yard like a queen, one arm loosely hooked around Oz’s shoulders as though he didn’t have the day off today.
“There she is, Oz,” Alice said, excitedly, “the cheapest fair money can rent! I spared every expense.”
“Obviously,” Vincent huffed, dragging a broken cart over to the adults, grabbing Gilbert on the way. “The sky tram is broken! And so are all of my bones!”
“You’ll be fine,” Alice said.
“Let me get that checked out, we don’t want you guys permanently injured,” Oz said, frowning and scooping Vincent up, never minding the fact that Gilbert’s younger brother was wiggling like an eel in a way that someone who’d actually broken all of their bones definitely wouldn’t be capable of.
Alice and Gilbert watched them go, before Alice dropped a pile of papers into Gilbert’s arms. “Gilbert, here’s your next job. I printed up a bunch of fake safety inspection certificates, so you need to go paste them on anything that looks like a lawsuit.”
Gilbert spluttered. “That—that’s illegal, Alice!”
“Yeah, and?” Alice scoffed. “You’ve been here for, what, a week and a half already, right? You should already know this: we don’t do legal. For example: the dunk tank Oz and his friend Elliot built for me!” She slapped the target; the seat didn’t budge. “Nothing short of a laser gun will knock this baby down, I can promise you that!”
Gilbert blinked. “Is that…likely to happen, or…?”
Alice only smirked at him. “Get moving,” she said. “I’ll send Vincent to join you once Oz is done with him!”
By noon, the fair was bustling. Alice was yelling insults at the crowd, riling them up so that they continued paying the fee to throw balls at the dunk tank. Vincent had slunk back to Gilbert about an hour prior, ice packs duct-taped to his limbs that were quickly thrown at the dunk tank, though Alice didn’t fall in.
“She had Oz rig it,” Gilbert told Vincent once all the ice packs were gone. “Apparently, nothing short of a laser gun will knock her down.”
“I wonder if there’s any of those lying around here?” Vincent mused, as a young man with shaggy black hair and thick glasses walked directly into a pole.
“Do you really think we’d find a laser gun at Alice’s cheapo funzone?” Gilbert pointed out.
Vincent laughed. The guy who walked into a pole speedwalked away. Oz dropped a hand onto each of their shoulders.
“Hey, kids! Enjoying the fair so far?”
Gilbert jumped, squeaked, and went red simultaneously. Vincent turned around with an easy grin and wave. “Hello, Oz! It’s plenty of fun. Actually, I was about to go guess the weight of those snakes over there…would you mind keeping Gil company? He cries when he gets lonely.”
“I do not!” Gilbert protested, even though he definitely did. Oz was really really cool.
“Aw, it’s okay,” Oz said cheerfully, patting Gilbert’s head. “That’s a totally normal thing to cry about! Sure, I’d be glad to hang with you, Gil, if you’d have me.”
Gilbert felt his face grow redder. Oz wanted to hang out with him. Oz, who was objectively the coolest person in existence, said that he’d be glad to hang out with Gilbert, if Gil would have him. Of course he would! He wanted to have Oz in every way possible!
“Ye–yes, of course!” Gilbert squeaked. Vincent grinned, winked, and hurried off towards the snakes, leaving Gilbert blushing in front of his crush.
And sure, it was awesome that he’d have Oz all to himself all day (or at least until Vincent was done playing with the snakes), but Gilbert barely knew how to act around his crush. Oz was really cool, and it was so fun to spend time with him, but…he was all grown up, too, though Gilbert honestly wasn’t sure how much older than him Oz actually was. Oz’s best friend was Alice, too, not Gil, and wouldn’t Oz want to spend the day with his best friend, instead?
But Vincent was already gone, and Alice was shouting obscenities over at the tourists, and Oz had taken Gilbert by the shoulder and guided over to where a stand was selling corn dogs in the shape of question marks.
Gilbert blinked at his. “How do they even get them into this shape? It’s…unnatural.”
Oz laughed, holding his own corn dog up by the end of the sign. “But Gilbert, it’s…delicious?”
Gilbert broke down into giggles, and Oz laughed with him, his free hand lightly ruffling Gilbert’s hair, until mustard from the last of the corn dog landed on his shit.
“Aw, rats,” Oz muttered. He smiled at Gilbert. “I’ll clean this up, and then I’ll come right back, okay?”
Gilbert nodded, cheeks burning. “I’ll be right here!”
“Awesome.”
Oz headed off, and Gilbert waited, taut with nervous energy, jumping when Vincent popped up next to him.
“So, big brother, how’s the date going?” he asked.
Gilbert flushed. “It’s not a date, w-we’re just hanging out, Vince! Plus, I don’t…think he even…”
Vincent scoffed, but before he could say anything more, one of the strange teenagers they’d seen Oz hanging out with before showed up, dropping a hand on the brothers’ shoulders.
“Have either of you seen Oz or Leo around?” asked Elliot Baskerville.
“Ew, Elliot,” said Vincent.
Gilbert shook his head frantically, not trusting himself to lie. “Who, um, who wants to know?”
Elliot cocked an eyebrow. “Well,” he said, “Leo’s busy with our…transportation, and I got some super tight new jeans, so I thought Oz might have an opinion on them, if that’s any of your business.”
Gilbert scowled. “Today’s my day with Oz,” he said. “Why don’t you go jump in the Bottomless Pit?”
Elliot rolled his eyes. “Maybe I will,” he said, “you little jerk. Enjoy your crush on Oz while it lasts.”
“I will!” Gilbert shouted after him as Elliot walked away.
Vincent rolled his eyes. “God, what a jerk.”
“Yeah, but he’s a jerk with tight leather pants and really cool books,” Gilbert muttered. “I need to keep him away from Oz at all costs!”
Vincent patted him on the shoulder. “Well,” he said, “I’ll be right beside you every step of the way…oh, are they selling mice now? How interesting.”
Just like that, Vincent was gone; Gilbert didn’t know whether to try and call for his brother to come back or be relieved at his absence, but luckily he didn’t have to wait long, because Oz showed up a couple minutes later, a smile on his face.
“So,” he said, “Alice and I set up some carnival games, and there are some with some pretty cool prizes, if you want to check those out.”
“Sure!” Gilbert said, hurrying over with Oz. They tried a few—most were rigged, and Oz didn’t want to unrig them—until his eyes fell on one with a row of stuffed animals tethered over some glass bottles.
“Holy sh—shoot,” Oz breathed, eyes resting on a large, lifelike stuffed raven tied up with the other stuffed animals. “I think I will die if I do not get that raven.”
Gilbert perked up. “I can win it for you!”
“Gil, that’s—that’s sweet, it really is, but that game is literally so rigged—”
Gilbert didn’t listen, already darting towards the stand, money out. “I’d like to win that raven, please!”
The person manning the stand laughed. It was the same young man with thick glasses and shaggy hair from before, and for whatever reason, the laugh seemed less mirthful and more…not mocking, not quite, but…he didn’t believe Gilbert could win it.
“Well,” said the young man, handing Gilbert a ball, “you need to hit the middle bottle without breaking any of the other ones. Good luck—you’ve only got the one chance, after all!”
“Right!” Gilbert said, and threw the ball as hard as he could at the bottles.
He missed.
He missed so badly, in fact, that the ball bounced off the wall behind the bottles, knocking the things behind them in every which direction, even up towards the roof of the Mystery Shack, and smacked Oz directly in the eye.
“I’m so sorry!” Gilbert yelped as Oz’s hands flew up to his rapidly swelling eye.
“It’s alright,” Oz said, and his smile was only slightly pained. “I just need some ice, that’s all.”
“I can—”
“Hey, moron!” Elliot’s voice echoed across the camp, and he came to a stop in front of the two of them. “Can’t believe you weren’t able to dodge that.”
Gilbert bristled.
“Can’t believe you’re wearing such ugly pants,” Oz shot back.
Elliot preened. “They’re awful, right? My older brother hates pants like these. Anyway, I didn’t get the chance to get any syrup on this snow cone yet, so you can use this on your eye.”
“That’s surprisingly sweet of you,” Oz said, taking the snow cone and pressing it to his eye. “And I don’t just mean the fact that there is, actually, piña colada syrup on this, you jerk.”
“Yeah, well…” Elliot sighed. “Look, we’ve been spending a lot of time together this summer, and will probably continue to do so, and I’ve talked it over with Leo, and anyway, wanna go out, you know, just for fun? Like on a date?”
To Gilbert’s horror, Oz grinned and blushed a little. “Yeah, sure,” he said easily. “Alice and I set up a Tunnel of Love and Corndogs, do you want to watch the sunset on it?”
“It’s a date,” Elliot said, turning and heading off, smug as anything, hands in his tight pockets.
Oz pumped his fist before, grinning even brighter than before, saying, as though Gilbert’s entire world hadn’t crumbled to bits around him, “Alright! What do you want to do next, Gil?”
As the sun set, Gilbert lay on the roof of the Mystery Shack, sulking. Alice was still dry as anything, taunting fairgoers from her place above the dunk tank; Oz was holding hands with Elliot on the Tunnel of Love and Corndogs; Vincent was playing with his new dormouse on the roof beside Gilbert; Gilbert was waiting for death to claim him.
He flopped over onto his back and stared at the sky, which was darkening to match his mood, though the sunset was still glorious. His hand brushed something plasticy, and, bored, he pulled it over to face him.
It was a tape measure, bright red and chipped on the corner, with neat writing in Sharpie on the side reading TIME TAPE PROPERTY OF ELLIOT NIGHTRAY AND LEO BASKERVILLE DO NOT TOUCH VINCENT THAT MEANS YOU.
Gilbert blinked at it. Elliot…Nightray? But Elliot was three. He was three years old and couldn’t even pronounce words properly, and certainly didn’t know anyone named Leo Baskerville. Elliot also, for whatever reason, thought that Gilbert hung the moon, sky, and stars, and had been the only one of their adoptive siblings to cry when Gilbert and Vincent were shoved on a bus to Oregon and told not to come back until school started. Why was his name on this…time tape?
Vincent leaned over, resting his chin on Gilbert’s shoulder. “Ooh, what’s that?”
“Dunno,” Gilbert said, pulling the metal bit at the end—it was a tape measure, though it had increments of time instead of inches, weird —and then his fingers slipped, and he let go, and then suddenly it was noon, though he and Vincent were still on the roof.
They stared at each other as the fair bustled to life beneath them, Alice’s voice echoing up: betcha can’t dunk me, you ugly clown! Hey, seaweed head, whatcha gonna do from down there?
“Holy shit, ” Vincent whispered. “We time traveled!”
“Don’t curse, Vince,” Gilbert whispered back, turning the tape measure over in his hands. Had they really…? Really, truly…?
“Yoo-hoo! Gilbert, Vincent!” Oz’s voice echoed from the ground below the roof. “Are you coming down to enjoy the fair? I think I saw Elliot driving up!”
Elliot. Date. Fun. Tunnel of Love and Corndogs. The raven stuffed animal. Gilbert had another chance.
“I was actually going to check out the snakes!” Vincent said cheerily. “Oz, would you mind hanging out with Gilbert? He cries when he gets lonely.”
“No I don’t!” Gilbert said, again.
Oz laughed. “Sure!” he said. “Come on down, we can make a day of it!”
Not the same as I’d be glad to but that was the whole point of time travel, things weren’t the same. Gilbert and Vincent exchanged grins, and headed down.
“We need to try again,” Gilbert sighed, as Elliot asked Oz out over a melting snowcone once more.
“Again.”
“Again…”
“Do you think,” Vincent said around the fourteenth time, “that the forces of time naturally conspire to undo any new outcomes?”
“No way!” Gilbert said. “It has to work this time! …Right?”
It did not.
“Oz said he’d die if he didn’t get that raven,” Gilbert said. “He said it every time!”
“I am going to die if we relive the same 20 minutes one more time,” said Vincent.
A man passing behind them paused, heterochromatic eyes just like Vincent’s narrowing in suspicion. Neither brother noticed it.
“This time,” Gilbert said. “This time I’ll get it.”
“Hm?” said the man behind them. “Get what, I wonder?”
Gilbert and Vincent both whirled around. The man had long blonde hair, tied back in a low ponytail, and one red eye and one golden one, and he was dressed in a suit far too sharp for the fair. The most eye-catching thing about him, though, was the strange-looking gun casually holstered on his hip.
“Who are you?” Vincent asked, as rudely as possible.
“Just a simple bounty hunter,” the man said, circling them slowly, like a shark. “Don’t worry, I’ve made sure that Oz Vessalius won’t find us this time around. He’s enjoying a nice trip through the Bottomless Pit with Elliot Nightray—sorry, Elliot Baskerville as we speak. If they’re lucky they’ll get back out again. Now, I’m assuming you two are the ones who’ve been fucking with this afternoon’s timeline?”
Gilbert glared at him. “Don’t hurt Oz!” he demanded.
The man waved his hand. “Oh, don’t worry, he’ll be fine once we reset the timeline. That is, assuming you two are the ones resetting it. Right?”
“...I don’t want Oz to go on a date with Elliot,” Gilbert admitted. “I want him to go on a date with me.”
The man’s shoulders started shaking, and then he started howling with laughter, eventually literally sitting on the floor and snickering.
“It’s not that funny,” Gilbert muttered.
“It kind of is,” said Vincent, because Vincent was really actually pretty mean sometimes. “What’s your name, by the way?”
“You can call me Demios,” said the man. “I’m a bounty hunter, sent to clean up this time anomaly you two have created, and I’m going to give you two options, because you amuse me so. One: you return the time to its regular flow and I let you both off with a warning. Two: I assist you in accomplishing the goal you initially rewound time for, but I kill your little brother. Your choice!”
Vincent, for whatever reason, perked up.
Gilbert spluttered, but before he could say anything, Demios plucked the end of his time tape, pulling it out a bit under an inch and letting it go, unraveling time again so that Gilbert was standing alone, some minutes previously. Alice was shouting the same old obscenities, the young man with the shaggy black hair and glasses was walking by, presumably to his stand with the good stuffed animals, and Oz was making his way over to Gilbert, grinning and without a care in the world.
Oz said that he would die if he didn’t get the raven toy.
Demios said that he would kill Vincent if Gilbert didn’t restore the timeline to its proper flow.
Gilbert stuttered his way through the conversation with Oz—he pretended to ignore the way the young man frowned, concerned, when Gilbert told him that he cries when he gets too lonely—and followed the next hour as though he was going through the motions, though he did take a petty pleasure in telling Elliot to go jump in the bottomless pit.
And then he and Oz were in front of the game stand, and Oz was saying how he would die if he didn’t get that raven.
“Will you really?” asked Gilbert, as he noticed Demios holding Vincent by the hair some feet away.
Oz shook his head. “Nah, it’s just a figure of speech,” he said. “Ravens are just my favorite animal, after all. Besides, that game is so rigged that literally the only way you would win it is with a blood sacrifice.”
Gilbert frowned, nodded. Put down his money, picked up a ball, and then— this is for Vincent, this is so the time travel bounty hunter won’t kill him— hurled it directly at Oz’s face.
The young man behind the stand started laughing so hard he nearly fell to the ground.
Elliot, across the fair, started sprinting over to them.
The ball bounced off of Oz’s face, leaving a swelling eye and bloody nose, and hit the bottle just slightly to the left of the middle, and it exploded into glass shards.
Demios jumped as some of them sped at him, stumbling into a pole and causing the gun at his hip to go off, firing a laser directly at the dunk tank’s target and sending Alice crashing into the cold water.
“Vincent!” a man’s voice shouted from across the fair.
“Oh, dear,” sighed Demios, and then he dropped Vincent and started sprinting in the direction of the voice.
Oz jumped as Demios ran past him, his eyes sweeping the fair wildly until Demios had vanished into the crowd. He then turned back to Gilbert, somehow smiling once more (maybe because he and Elliot had a date now) and holding the snowcone up to his eye, wiping blood from his nose.
“Great job, Gil!” he said cheerfully. “Looks like you’ve won that cute black rabbit. Did you know those are Alice’s favorite?”
“And yours are ravens, right?” Gilbert said, disappointed, though he did take the rabbit.
“Yeah, but it’s okay, I don’t need it,” Oz said.
The young man running the arcade game whistled. “Hey, Oz,” he said. “I’ll give you the raven free of charge if you go on a date with me tonight instead of Elliot.”
Elliot spluttered. “I literally gave up my snowcone for this, Leo!”
Leo shrugged. “Shouldn’t have taken my time tape last night, then,” he said. “Oz?”
Oz hummed. “You know what, sure,” he said. “You know, we have a Tunnel of Love and Corndogs. Do you want to watch the sunset there?”
“At least,” Gilbert told Vincent from where he lay on the roof, hugging his new rabbit toy, as Vincent played with his own new mouse, a different one from the one he’d gotten in the first timeline, “it isn’t with Elliot. ”
“There is that,” said Vincent, holding the mouse above his head and examining it. “I think Break’s the worst option, though.”
“Anyone other than me is a bad option,” Gilbert groused.
Vincent smiled to himself. “I think Demios agrees,” he said. “He also said something weird to me.”
Gilbert rolled over, resting his chin on his fist. “Oh yeah? What?”
“Don’t push the button,” Vincent said. “I don’t know what button, though.”
“Huh,” said Gilbert. “...Stay away from buttons, I guess?”
Down on the fairgrounds, a dark-haired man yanked Demios around the corner. “What the hell,” he hissed, “was that ?”
Demios chuckled. “That, brother dearest, was keeping our alternate selves from making our mistakes,” he said. “They’re so young, after all.”
“Yeah, well,” his brother sighed, “so were we. But how is killing the younger you going to fix anything?”
Demios shrugged. “It might have,” he said, “it might not have. I was mainly seeing if B-Rabbit would show itself to protect him.”
Demios’s brother gritted his teeth. “Don’t!” he said. “B-Rabbit might not even be in this universe, and we don’t want to tip our hand too early. After all…”
“We aren’t the only time-travelers around here,” Demios finished, looking over at where Elliot Nightray and Leo Baskerville were chatting up Oz Vessalius. “I’ll be careful, I promise.”
“Good,” said his brother fiercely. “I can’t— don’t make me lose you too. ”
“You won’t, brother mine,” Demios said, reaching over to cup his brother’s cheek. “I swear it.”