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There is a letter.
It's written on yellowing parchment, the ink having long dried. It's handled by gentle hands, filled to the brim with regret. It's tucked between tree roots and ground, hidden in the place he and Taehyun had once dubbed their hideout.
Dear Taehyun, the letter reads. Dear Taehyun, it says, as if everything was right in the world and they weren't strangers who'd once been brothers, as if the letter was going to be anything but filled to the brim with regret.
Dear Taehyun, the letter reads, and right under that, I write this on the fifth full moon since I have left you—and yes, I am aware of just what I have done. I know that by the time you read this, it will be far, far too late. I expect nothing more than vitriol from you, brother, and nothing less.
I write this anyway, because I find myself riddled with regrets—I do not regret leaving you, though, mind this—but I find myself wanting to spill everything to you, tell you every one of my reasons under the moonlit sky until you understand.
But I am nothing if not a coward. You always did tell me to be less so, but I cannot be brave, not here, not when I see the pain your heart is going through, knowing full well that I was the one who had inflicted it; not when I find you drifting, completely and utterly lost; not when I find myself without the silver figure that had always been by my side—dear brother, you're the only reason I've ever been brave.
So, I write this letter, so that this piece of parchment can tell you everything I couldn't.
But I digress—I shall halt talk of any sentiment, and finally give you one of the many things I owe you, late as it is;
I can't kill you, Taehyun.
Not now, not ever.
You can think that I grew to hate you, and that is why I left you, and I will not begrudge you that, but know that this is the truth of it—I left because I cannot kill you.
I would rather have you resenting me, alive, than considering me a brother, dead.
I know this sounds like grasping at straws, but I am not jesting. I remember that Void had told me, so, so many years ago, "You're going to kill him."
"You're going to kill him," they'd said, and I reared back in confusion, not knowing who they'd been referring to, and hoping beyond hope that they hadn't been referring to who I was thinking of.
But then they open their mouth and this is what I hear: "You're going to kill the Moon if you stay around him." And Taehyun, you don't know how terrifying that had been, the mere prospect that I could bring to you the waiting hands of Death just by being around you.
And they continued, as if they hadn't driven the knife in deep enough, as if I needed to understand why I would kill you, "Your brother is of the darkness, and you are Light itself. When the supernovas come, and trust me, they will, you will only kill the Moon. Your attachment blinds you to the truth, Light. You should know better than anyone that light and darkness don't mix."
The spiel is clear in my mind as the day they said it to me, even though it has been decades past since, and they were right, Taehyun—I've seen the destruction my supernovas can wreak, and I shudder to think what they could've done to you, especially since you are one of the darkness.
I'd sworn, long, long ago, in the midst of the wars Sky and Earth had waged against each other, back in the beginning, that I would never kill you, brother, and I would not break that vow, and especially not in such an unwitting manner.
I have seen deities die. We both have. I have seen their domains completely wiped from our world's memory, have watched as their names turned unspeakable, and I would not have you going the same way. Never you.
I waited for a long time before leaving, just until I could ascertain that I was a danger to you, but I think that that had been the moment things changed, what led us become what we are now.
It's all my fault, Taehyun, and I can only hope that you push all of the blame onto me, can only hope that you would not blame yourself, but I know you better than that. You'll blame yourself, will think of yourself as the problem, when that is the opposite of the truth.
It's all my fault, dear brother.
And I know, that admittance doesn't make anything better, doesn't change that I still left you, doesn't change that the world will inevitably turn and I will find myself with different people and I will find myself only able to miss that fateful millennia that we'd been brothers. I know that it will be a long time before you ever even read this letter, and an even longer time before I'll have the bravery to explain all this to you myself. I know that you will have questions, and that this letter will only probably make you despise me more.
Perhaps, one day, when these supernovas have passed, when I am no longer a danger to you, I shall come and explain everything to you, but that is a long time yet.
But I know this too, Taehyun: You were my brother—I had to keep you safe, no matter the cost.
Yeonjun
And below that are two words, squeezed into the space between the salutation and the parchment's end—I'm sorry. The ink is still wet.
(There is a letter, hidden where he left half of his heart behind, and Yeonjun—Yeonjun waits for it to be read.)