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Vi didn’t know to show physical affection. Not her fault, after all. She spent the better part of a decade in a cell, was a flower that sprouted from the cracks in the walls. Thorns sharpened to protect her soul. It was all she could do. Then Caitlyn came along. Those simple arm touches, protective stances, and surprisingly strong hugs pulled the crave to be touched kindly from Vi. All she knew was abuse, hurt. Caitlyn changed that.
So, she tried to be affectionate in a way that would provoke similar actions to her, tried to ask without using her words, always too embarrassed once the question rose on her tongue. It worked, for a while. Vi would get the small touches that she wanted, needed, after the bone-deep need rose back up with vengeance in its jaws. Until Caitlyn noticed, noticed the way Vi would casually poke her just for irritation and how every time she’d respond in the same loving way. She didn’t prod Vi to talk about her needs, the woman could barely even accept the kind touches in the first place.
Caitlyn simply observed, on good days, on bad days, when the cuts in Vi’s soul were visible even though she tried to clean them and not wince. Caitlyn would urge her over, pull Vi’s hands into her own and rub featherlight circles into the scarred skin until she felt the tension in Vi’s shoulders release. Then she’d go farther, working the muscles in her forearms, and every time Vi would have to slam her eyes shut to stop the tears.
Some days, Vi hated touch. A single touch was too much, the gentle line between soothing and full sensory overload was crossed for the worse and she couldn’t do much about it. She didn’t fight against the waves, she couldn’t. She just ducked under and let them roll by. Let herself curl into a ball as Caitlyn offered comfort through her words, her actions. She knew. She understood, and that's why Vi trusted her.
Some days Vi just wanted affection, whether she felt good or not. She just didn't know how to ask for it, often settling for silence and quiet hopes that Caitlyn would casually touch her. Even on good days the need arose. Some days, it was nearly unbearable.
Vi’s laying on Caitlyn's floor, a hobby she doesn’t mind, and is soaking up the sun like a cat. She doesn’t open her eyes when Caitlyn walks into the room, carrying a folder from work and a book.
"Enjoying yourself there?"
Vi offered a lazy 'mhm'. Today was a good day. Her demons, still ever-present, were quiet and idle. She cracked open one eye, meeting Caitlyn's in the sun. She looked ethereal, unbelievably and utterly beautiful. She wrecked Vi's soul. She wrecked it in the best of ways. Vi could lay down her weapons around her, unwrap her hands and let Caitlyn disarm her. Wholly. Entirely. She didn't mind one bit. Caitlyn offered her a smile, showing the gap between her teeth and Gods Vi felt like she could evaporate on the spot. Cait sat the folder on the desk and rested on her bed instead, book in hand, making Vi's mouth quirk knowing that the Topsider was taking a break for once.
"Don't let me bother you." Caitlyn quipped.
'Like you could ever bother me.' Vi thought before letting a content smile cross her face.
The two often spent their free time- which of lately was very sparse- like this. Quiet. Vi wasn't a talker, outside of her normal antics, she fell into silence when her brain was buzzing with activity. Caitlyn didn't mind either, there was no need for small talk. On these rare days, they'd spend their hours laying out, talking about work, or just catching up on each other's past days. Today really was a good day. Vi could stay like this for hours, months, years. No need to move. She could just stay here, with Caitlyn.
The sun was warm, caressing her skin, reminding her of when Caitlyn's gentle hands ran over her face at night when sleep failed to claim her. How she'd drag her fingertips across her cheeks, lingering at the tattoo in her face, Caitlyn's way of saying 'I see you, I see Vi.' because she knew that Vi used to be a just another number.
"Precious." Caitlyn had mumbled that night. Vi's eyes opened, just barely, not wanting to stop the gentle touches on her face.
"Precious?" She asked, barely a whisper.
"Yeah. Precious to me." Caitlyn moved her thumb to the small hairs near Vi's face. It made her skin tingle. The words made her heart ache. She was strong, yeah, she was even "brave" if she stretched it, but precious? Nobody ever thought to call her precious. Her eyes opened more, shining with unshed tears that she didn't know had welled. Caitlyn wiped them away, no words said, only an understanding, adoring smile on her face. Both hands cupped her cheeks. Vi felt open, a little vulnerable. Caitlyn made her feel so loved.
Vi was brought back to the present with a pleasant sigh. But her trip in her mind brought something back with it. Need. The need to be held close, the need for Caitlyn to call her that word again. She was hesitant to ask. Normally Caitlyn knew, somehow, some way. Normally Vi didn't have to fight her demons and pride to ask for care. Normally, Vi was like this on bad days. On the days where she'd wake up trembling or her thoughts of 'you're not good enough' would haunt her. But today was good, she was relaxed, she was content. She just was too prideful to ask for Caitlyn's affection, no matter how much she craved being close to the taller woman, no matter how much she loved feeling her soft skin-
Vi stopped. She was getting too much into her own head about this. As stubborn as she was, she wasn't dumb.
"Cupcake?" Vi's voice was quiet, pensive.
Caitlyn responded with a quiet hum. Vi's next words were too quiet to make out. "I didn't catch that, darling." Cait sat up and took note of Vi sprawled on the floor. Her eyebrows jumped up in surprise when she saw how red Vi was. The brawler tapped on the floor with her fingers in thought.
"... Can you do my hair?" The words were barely audible. Caitlyn closed her book and put it aside, trying to stop the flood of words at how proud she was that Vi had asked.
"Of course." She pat the bed, and Vi slowly got up, still hesitant. Her skin dreaded the loss of the sun, but that complaint quickly burnt out when she settled next to the Topsider, and she brought Vi's head down on her lap. Vi sighed, the contact alone already soothing her.
Then Caitlyn lightly dragged her nails across Vi's neck, she always started there, drifting through the short hairs. Pleasant sparks shot through her nerves, traveling from her head down to her legs, and when Vi shuddered at the slight oversensitivity of her skin, Caitlyn eased her, resting her palm flat until Vi was ready, then continuing to move again with a hum. She ran her fingers through Vi's hair, surprisingly soft, scratching at her scalp, working hard to make the woman made of stone turn into a puddle in her hands.
And as far as Vi was concerned, it had already happened. She felt boneless, a fuzz filled her head and was fueled with every pass through her hair. The rest of her armor- albeit very little to begin with- fell away. Her heart was open to the world, rearing it's scarred and damaged face. A single word could break Vi, and she'd have no way to stop it. Her chest constricted.
"Can you say what you called me the other night?" Vi felt small, small in comparison to everything around her. Caitlyn furrowed her brows, back-tracking through her mind to understand what Vi had meant. Then it clicked.
"Precious?"
Vi nodded, words failing her at Caitlyn's soft voice. Yeah, a single word could break her. But that word? She'd allow that word.
Caitlyn's hand rested on her pulse-point. A gentle reminder that she was here, they were here, through all the pain they were here. "You're precious to me, Violet."
Oh.
Vi buried her face closer to Caitlyn. Her words were the stitches Vi's soul needed, the ointment that soothed the cracks in her heart. Affection flooded Vi's chest so fast that it knocked the breath out of her.
"You saved me." Vi whispered. "You saved me, Caitlyn."
Caitlyn urged Vi to sit up and face her, then leaned and planted a sure kiss on her lips. When the two pulled away, Vi wrapped her arms around Cait and embraced her, nearly crushing her in her arms. Vi buried her head into the Topsider's neck. She felt safe, open, vulnerable. She felt precious.