Chapter Text
Some Other Version of Me
When Charlie Spring woke up this morning, he thought he knew exactly what his day would look like: wake up, disappoint his mother at breakfast, go to his Choosing Ceremony, and then come home to disappoint his mother at dinner. Every day was the same, and that was fine, because Charlie liked knowing what to expect.
But Charlie should have known, Choosing Ceremonies never go the way people think they will. And he should have guessed that of course it would be him who started to change things.
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There’s a great hustle and bustle in the square in front of the auditorium, from everywhere except Charlie and the rest of Abnegation. And that’s fine. Charlie’s always been content to observe, somewhere he couldn’t hurt anything. Sometimes it feels like he’s letting his life happen without him, but Choosing Day is probably not the day to be considering all those big life-altering questions at the same time. He’s not sure his brain has the room for it all.
He’s grateful when the big train comes rumbling above them, shaking him out of his thoughts. The Dauntless here for the ceremony seem to flow down the support beams in waves, like ink poured into a bowl of water. It shocks Charlie to awareness.
Dauntless, Charlie has noticed, tend to move as one whooping, jogging unit, with lots of back slapping and joviality. So it strikes him as odd when he notices a figure hesitating underneath the train tracks. He looks to be about Charlie’s age, with reddish brown hair and a broad chest. He certainly looks like the rest of his faction. Dauntless are pack animals, though; Charlie doesn’t think he’s ever seen one of them in isolation before.
Before even realizing what he’s doing, Charlie finds himself gravitating towards the other boy. He only becomes aware of his actions when his mother’s firm grip closes over his bicep.
“Where do you think you’re going?” she whispers harshly in his ear.
“I- I think he’s nervous. Maybe it would be easier for him if he wasn’t alone.”
Charlie swallows thickly. His mother takes one look between him and the other boy. After a moment, she gives Charlie a warning look and releases his arm.
“Fine. But don’t be late.”
Charlie tries to convince himself that his haste to reach the other boy is more out of concern for his welfare than a real fear of his mother’s proximity. He’s not sure how successful he is. In any case, before he knows what’s happening, he’s face to face with the other boy, who looks like he’s trying his absolute hardest to not break down into tears.
“Hi,” Charlie starts with a wave, not really sure where else to start.
“Hi,” the red-head greets back. His voice is breathy. It catches on the inhale. Charlie thinks it’s charming.
“You alright?”
A moment passes. Charlie can see the jumble of thoughts in his head pass in front of his eyes. “Dauntless don’t let fear paralyze them.”
“That doesn’t answer the question,” Charlie tries to tease.
“I can’t stop thinking about my mom,” he says next.
“Neither does that.”
“Maybe that’s because I don’t know the answer.” It shouldn’t feel like a huge confession, but somehow Charlie knows that it is.
“I’m Charlie,” he offers, extending his hand. The other boy takes it. His grip is practiced and brief, but still warm.
“Nicholas.” The way he says it, Charlie can tell it feels wrong on his tongue.
Charlie takes him in for a moment. He looks like he wants to run anywhere but inside that building. It makes Charlie’s heart ache. He thinks about what Nicholas said about Dauntless - how they don’t let fear paralyze them. As if he thinks of Dauntless as something other than himself. And all at once, Charlie completely understands what he’s looking at.
“You know, Nicholas, Dauntless aren’t the only people out there who know how to be brave. Sure, they, like, professionally know how to push past their fear, but there’s more than one way to do it. My little brother decided to try broccoli last night even though he’s been afraid of it for years, that’s bravery too.” Nicholas chuckles, and Charlie starts nudging them in the direction of the auditoriu. They’ll be late if they don’t get moving. “But I think the bravest thing I’ve ever seen was my sister standing in front of our parents two years ago at her Choosing Ceremony, and leaving them for Candor. Knowing who you are and pursuing that anyway, no matter what people think of you. I think just about anyone can do that.”
Charlie sees Nicholas mull the words over in his head.
“And what do people think about you, Charlie?” They’re getting closer to the separate faction entrances.
“Oh please, I’m no one. I’m not worth having an opinion about.” Charlie scoffs. Nicholas just looks at him.
“That’s where you’re wrong,” he says, before jogging off to join the rest of the Dauntless stragglers.
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The Hall is big and loud and full of ceremony, but all Charlie can hear is the ringing in his ears. His eyes seem to have gravitated onto the back of Nicholas’ head where he sits towards the front of his faction. Charlie knows why. Charlie knows what’s about to happen, even if no one else does.
He’s so focused on Nicholas that he doesn’t hear when Tao and Elle sneak up behind him.
“Finally!” Tao gripes, rolling his eyes. I thought you would never show up.
“Be nice,” Elle chides. Her hand is warm on his shoulder. “You’ve got this Charlie, don’t be nervous.”
The thing is, he’s not. He’s always known he would stay in Abnegation. Tori leaving only solidified things for him; eventually, Olly would grow up and go to Amity, but until then, he would be alone with their parents. Charlie couldn’t let that happen. And, hey, he was making this choice for his little brother, not himself. Wasn’t that the Abnegation way? He was a natural.
“I’m fine,” he insists. His friends look at him quizzically. They make a good pair, Charlie thinks, even with their juxtaposed black and white ensemble and flowing blush-colored dress. He also thinks they would be a great couple. It’s not that inter-faction dating and marriages are illegal per say, but they are definitely frowned upon. Too much potential to circumvent the system, or something. But Elle has always been a trailblazer and Tao hasn’t never given a damn about what anyone thinks of him. If anyone could make it work, it would be them.
A loud guffaw from somewhere behind them has Tao rolling his eyes again. “Oh great. Harry Greene is here.”
Ah yes, Harry Greene. Candor royalty, at least for now. Today is his Choosing Ceremony too, and everyone everywhere has heard that he’s planning on defecting to Dauntless. He’s brash and proud and always looking for people to look at him. He’ll probably fit right in, right up to the point where he learns that big words can only do so much to mask fears; in Dauntless, he’ll have to actually acknowledge them to be able to move past them. Otherwise, he’ll never survive.
Charlie doesn’t want to think about a future where there could be a washed-up Dauntless-reject Harry Greene running around terrorizing people.
“Isn’t he supposed to be fast-tracked to Dauntless leadership?” Elle asks.
“If he survives,” Charlie whispers.
“Not if Nicholas Fournier has anything to say about it,” Tao volleys back at her.
The thought stops Charlie right in his tracks. Dauntless born. Nicholas. Can’t stop thinking about his mom.
God, he’s been such a fool.
Everyone knows the legend of the Fournier family. Stephane, the latest in a line of prominent Dauntless leadership, caught the eye of a transplant from Amity, and they had two sons who were primed to follow in their footsteps. From what Charlie had gathered, Nicholas’ whole life has already been laid out in front of him. But all he can think of is the scared boy hyperventilating under the train tracks, staring down a future that he didn’t even want.
Charlie wishes he had grabbed the boy’s hand and run. But now, he is powerless to watch what unfolds.
Harry Greene, Dauntless. The crowd cheers, Charlie yawns.
Imogen Heaney, Amity.
When his own name is called, he doesn’t even think about it. He stands in front of the bowls, does what he needs to, and takes his seat again.
But then there’s Nicholas Fournier standing in front of the crowd. Charlie can see the way his hands shake, the way he has to swallow over the lump in his throat. Maybe he doesn’t think of himself as Dauntless, but at this moment he sure as hell is the bravest person Charlie has ever seen. He looks out in the crowd until he meets Charlie’s gaze. It seems to resolve something in him. There’s a determined set to his shoulders that wasn’t there a minute ago.
He doesn’t hesitate. He holds his hand over the bowl of smooth gray stones until the officiant calls out what could either be a damning proclamation or the benediction for a young boy’s freedom.
“Abnegation.”
Charlie doesn’t hear the gasps that go out around the crowd. His eyes are locked on the red haired boy that walks away from Dauntless without a second glance until he’s sitting in the vacant seat beside Charlie.
“Hi,” Charlie says, ever a man gifted with the power of words.
One corner of the other boy’s lips tick up in an amused half smile.
“Hi,” he replies cheekily, extending his hand for Charlie to shake. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Nick. Nick Nelson.”
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