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Eddie went to therapy that morning so of course Buck had kept Christopher company.
Now he is in the kitchen after they had lunch, tiding up the table while Eddie and Chris are curled up on the couch talking about what Chris and Buck had done during the morning. Which isn't that interesting - homework, played video games, draw - still Eddie is listening to his son like he is telling the most compelling story, a content smile on his lips.
When Eddie had come back from his session he had that look on his face that told Buck just how awfully painful the session was.
The other man had a lot to talk about: first he had gone to Texas for his father's retirement party and didn't give Buck any details on how it went, he only said that his dad had some health problem which made him decide to try be a better father to Eddie; and then he had gone back to active duty with the 118. Buck didn't push for more info about the trip and he was trilled to have the other man back on the truck next to him, but he knew all the events so close to each other had made Eddie need an emergency session as soon as he had finished his first week back at work that morning, so seeing his best friend relaxed again was enough to calm him down. They were tired from the shift, but Christopher had enough energy to keep them awake too.
He is loading the dishwasher when he hears Eddie say, “Go ask your dad, too.”
Buck chuckles as he hears Christopher making his way into the kitchen and stopping next to the table behind him.
“Buck, Matt and his mom are going to the cinema today, can I go with them?” Christopher asks with hopeful eyes, “I even finished all my homework.” he informs with a smile as if Buck wasn't sitting next to him while he was doing them.
“What time you should go?” Buck asks.
“Janet said in about 15 minutes.” Eddie informs, still comfortable on the couch.
“Do you think you can get ready in 15 minutes?” Chris is nodding even before Buck finishes the question, a huge smile on his face. “Well, then you should start, if you don't want to be late.” he adds, ruffling the kid's hair before he rushes to the bathroom to brush his teeth.
He knows Eddie made him take the decision so he wouldn't feel guilty of needing time without his son in the house. Eddie loves Christopher and is always tough when after a session he needs a moment for himself because he feels like he is failing with his son, so Buck can take that guilt from him, distract Chris the way he can and reassure Eddie that there is nothing wrong in needing space.
“I'm gonna take a shower.” Eddie announces after he hears his son shutting off the water.
“I'll go help Christopher get his backpack ready.” Buck informs him, walking out of the kitchen, stopping to make him walk in the hallway.
Eddie uhm in response and walks to his room to get his clothes.
Christopher is putting on his t-shirt when he walks in the room. He picks up the backpack the kid always leaves on the floor next to his desk and takes out the Marvel wallet Eddie had got him. He adds some money to make sure Christopher has enough for the ticket and popcorn – large, so he can bring them home if he doesn't finish them - and leaves the room to retrieve Chris' jacket from the hanger.
“Okay, buddy, I've put money for the cinema and popcorn in your wallet and there is a jacket at the bottom of the backpack in case when you leave the cinema it's chilly.” Buck explains when Christopher joins him in the living room, just in time for the doorbell to ring.
“Have fun, buddy!” Eddie yells from behind the closed bathroom door.
“Thanks, Dad!” Chris yells back as he makes his way to open the door. “Matt! Ms. Rhodes!” He greets them with a smile.
“Hi, Chris! Ready for the movie?” Janet asks walking into the house as Chris nods happily. “Hi, Buck.” She adds when he arrives behind Chris.
“Nice to see you, Janet.” he greets shaking her hand.
“We were also thinking of going to the arcade after, if you and Eddie are okay with that.” She asks with a smile, watching Buck helping Christopher put his backpack on and handing him his crutches.
“Sure, let me just...” Buck pats his pockets in search of his wallet before heading to retrieve it from the dining table. He motions to Christopher to turn around “okay, buddy, I'm adding some cash for the arcade to the money for the cinema in your wallet, okay?”
The kid nods and stars talking to Matt about all the games they can play.
“Okay, be nice, have fun, bring me some candies and we'll see you later.” Buck instructs and Christopher nods with a fake annoyed look. His friend is there, he has to play cool.
“Later, Buck.” Chris replies following Matt to the car.
“I better go before they get too impatient and drive themselves to the cinema.” Janet says laughing. “I'll text when I'm driving him back. Have a nice day, Buck, and your husband, too.” she adds walking to the car, where the kids are already seated and chatting.
“Thank you for taking him. Have a nice day yourself, Janet.”
Buck waves at the car and waits until it's out of sight to close the door.
In that moment something clicks. Eddie called him Christopher's Dad, Buck had acted like he indeed was his Dad and he also hadn't denied Eddie was his husband. He lets his head hit the wood of the door, because he can't fantasize of a life where he is Christopher's Dad and Eddie's husband, it could cost him everything. He has to put himself together.
“Why are you giving yourself a concussion?” Eddie's voice startle him and he freezes, his forehead still on the door.
Buck tries to calm himself. The consciousness of the time he is spending with the Diaz hitting him all at once. With being single again his free time is spent 10% with Maddie and Jee-Yun and the rest 90% at the Diaz's house. He still hasn't finished unboxing some of his old furniture and he's always too tired to do it after work so he prefers going there instead of his messy, empty loft.
He turns around slowly and Eddie is standing there, frowning at him while he is drying his hair with a towel.
How can he explain to his best friend that he pretended to be his son's other dad and that he didn't denied to be his husband without also telling him that he may or may not be deeply in love with him?
“I-I...” he takes a deep breath and goes to sit on the couch. “Just forget about it. It was something stupid.” He mutters, hugging one of the pillows to his chest.
Eddie sighs and sits next to him, “It can't be stupid if it has you wanting to lose consciousness, Buck.” he says crossing his arms as well.
Buck wasn't bagging his head hard enough to lose consciousness, wasn't he?
He shrugs and hopes Eddie will let it go. “Just- it's nothing. Seriously.” He says hoping his smile looks honest enough.
“If you say so. I talked all morning already, I'm fine with no talking.” Eddie speaks after a few moment of studying Buck's face trying to read anything. He picks up the remote and turns the TV to fill the silence, a random show playing.
Buck lets himself look at his best friend's side profile and gets lost in it. He's always tried not to before: first Eddie was a married man, then a widow and then he had started another relationship - and Buck had done the same just not to feel alone and to stop himself from spiraling in his jealously -, but now they are both single again and Buck can't help but want. He doesn't know what he wants exactly, but he wants.
He looks away and throws his head back, taking deep breaths to calm down. “You called me Christopher's dad.” He surprises himself when he talks and he when he looks to Eddie again, his eyes are already on him, eyebrows raised in a mix of surprise and annoyance, as if he truly didn't want to talk.
Yet, when he says “Because you are.” matter-of-factly Buck doesn't feel annoyance in his voice at all.
“Ex-Except I'm not, Eddie,” He starts and Eddie rolls his eyes at him, ready to contradict him “And I played the role with him and it was wrong of me. I-I-I shouldn't have.” He finishes before Eddie can say anything.
The other man sighs loudly, muting the TV so they can talk. The puts his towel on the coffee table and Buck's hands itch to pick it up, fold it and put it back in the bathroom or in the laundry box. Eddie must notice his eyes flick to the object because he takes it again and throws it in the hallway so Buck can pick it up on his way to take a shower and put it in the laundry box later. Too domestic if you ask Buck and he is about to comment on it when Eddie speaks.
“Buck, I was the one to call you his dad, so I clearly don't mind. And Christopher didn't even bat an eye when I did, so he doesn't mind either.” He says calmly, now completely facing Buck.
Oh, yeah, they were talking about that. And, oh fuck, Eddie was right, Christopher had walked straight to the kitchen, to him, no questions asked.
“But-but you should mind. You are his dad.” He says and it sounds a little bit too pathetic on his own ears. He needs is best friend to tell him he did wrong at pretending to be Christopher's dad, that he will never be. Because if he doesn't Buck will keep dreaming like the hopeless idiot he is.
“Buck, you love him just as much as I do, you know everything he likes and dislikes, you know how to take him when he throws a tantrum, you always make everything in your power so he is always happy. That's what dads do. And I'm happy to share the role with you. I can't see anyone else being my co-parent other than you.” Eddie says placing a hand on his collarbone, his thumb barely touching the skin of his neck.
Buck thinks that if he wasn't sitting he would probably faint and hit is head on the floor. He blinks a few times, his brain playing Eddie's words on loop. This can't be real. He is dreaming. He wants to say something, but then Eddie is sighing and taking his hand away from Buck's shoulder and rubbing his eyes before looking right into his eyes again.
“Listen, in therapy, besides everything, I talked about all of this too.” He says gesturing in the space between them. “Even more in today's session. While we were in Texas, your name came up, like a lot. Christopher mentioned you a lot, I talked about you too.” He admits scratching his neck and breaking eye contact. “My will came up and my parents didn't take it too well to find out they won't take care of Christopher after my death and started an argument. For the first time it was one I didn't want to run from because I knew I would have won it.” He takes a deep breath and for a second Buck is sure he wanted to take his hands in his. “I messed up a lot in my life and I'm still learning to live with my mistakes, but letting you inside this house, inside Christopher's life, writing you in my will, will never be a mistake. You are the only good decision I've ever made.” Eddie finishes meeting his eyes.
“Eddie...” is the only thing Buck's brain can make him say, too busy replaying everything Eddie said.
“Please never question your position in -” Eddie says stopping mid-sentence to shake his head as if he was about to say something wrong. “in Christopher's life.” He ends giving Buck's knee a pat and turning back to the TV.
Buck should really say something back, shouldn't he?
He knows he will never be completely alone in his life, he has Maddie that loves him with all her heart, but he also knows that the some other people that he's grown to love so much won't stay in his life forever - except maybe Chimney since he's with Maddie. Hen, Bobby, Ravi, Athena, everyone else he met thanks to the 118? They may leave one day, he hopes they won't, but he also always keeps in mind that it's a possibility and he is so scared of it. Of the loneliness it would bring. And now Eddie is here, sitting on his couch, telling him that he is his son second dad, that he will always have them.
God, his brain fails to form complete sentences at the moment. His thoughts just chanting "I love this man so much" and others flattery to Eddie that he has to bite the inside of his cheek to avoid blur out. Maybe he did give himself a concussion after all.
“But-”
“No "buts", Buck. Come on. I just told you not to question your place.” Eddie stops him before he can even finish his question.
“No no, I wasn't. I was just thinking, in the future, when you will find someone, you will most likely want me to take a step back. I shouldn't get used to be Christopher co-parent because someone else may become it.” he starts again and then stops because he doesn't actually know what he wants to say.
So Eddie takes advantage of his silence. “Buck, I don't want to find someone else. I want you. As my life partner, as Christopher's other dad, with me” he confesses looking straight into Buck's eyes.
Wait, what? He blinks a few times, mouth opening and closing. Eddie serious expression morphs into a small shy smile. Is he blushing?
Oh.
Maybe his dream of living the rest of his life with the Diaz isn't that impossible.
“Eddie, I have an awful history record when it comes to relationships you aren't seriously thinking of having one with me.” He finally blurs out before Eddie can freak out and take everything he said back.
Eddie chuckles - in the way Buck finds incredibly adorable because the crinkles by eyes show up and he ducks his head down. “First, it's not like I'm better myself, I mean I'm not even sure I ever liked women. And second, even though I'm sure we are at the same page I may need a confirmation, you know paranoia etc etc before we can start talking about starting a relationship.” his hands reach out to Buck's again and this time Buck reaches back and squeezes just once to get Eddie to keep talking. He doesn't want to risk scarring the man away by telling him how much he loves him first. He will adapt to what Eddie will tell him.
Eddie takes a deep breath and then another and Buck holds his. “For now I'm gonna spare you from the entire story of how I had a gay crisis for 48 hours, how it then took me 10 minutes this morning to accept that I'm in fact not straight, and how I didn't even told Frank about this because I wanted you to be the first person I come out to, and I'll just say the important thing,” he rants and Buck knows he is taking courage to actually say the thing, he would do the same in his position. His eyes watering with love and pride for the man in front of him. “I'm in love with you, Evan.” Eddie confesses, his cheeks a soft shade of pink.
Buck's heart skips a few beats and then starts beating so fast he's sure Eddie can feel it from where is fingers are close to his wrists. He forces himself not to throw himself on top of the other man and kiss him silly. But he does the next best thing. He lets go of Eddie's hand and wraps his arms around him. The angle is a bit weird from how they are sitting but Eddie melts into his arms anyway. He is trembling, just a little, and Buck just holds him closer.
“It's an honor you chose me as the first person you told.” He says softly sniffling and inhaling the scent of Eddie's shampoo. “I'm in love with you, too, Eddie.” He adds breaking the hug so he can see the beautiful smile blooming in Eddie's face. “As for the relationship...” He starts and then stops again, gathering his thought.
Nothing would make happier than staring a relationship with the man he was madly in love with, yet, he doesn't want to risk ruin it in anyway. Also he just ended is longest one and even if it was probably destined to end since the start, it had also been nice and he needed time to completely move on from it. He feels a little bit guilty for being this happy, but he tries not to think about it too hard.
As if he was reading his mind, Eddie places a hand on his cheek “I don't think either of us is actually mentally ready to start one at the moment.” his smile is so soft and warm as he says it, Buck can only nod in agreement. “But we can say with certainty that it is in our future” and the last part sound both like a statement and a question, so Buck kicks his brain to work again instead of just singing the praises of Eddie and nods again.
“Oh, it's definitely in our future. A real close one.” He adds to reassure both. His head moves in his on own accords and before he can think too much of it, he turns it and places a kiss on the palm of Eddie's hand still placed on his cheek. The blush that takes over the other man face is impossible to miss.
“Deal.” Eddie replies moving his hand so Buck can shake it.
“Deal.”
Moments tick by, neither of them willing to move from their uncomfortable but warm and safe position on the couch. The low volume of the TV the only sound in the house. After their legs start to fall asleep they change position, making sure they are still as close as possible.
“Now that we confessed our love and we have established that in the near future we will start a relationship, please tell me you weren't hitting your head on the door just because I called you Christopher's dad.” Eddie asks after a while, going back to look at Buck.
Oh, yeah, that's why the entire conversation started.
Buck chuckles “No, of course not.” He lies, but the way Eddie raises his eyebrows with an unimpressed look tells him he doesn't believed him at all. “Okay, yeah, but also because Janet called you my husband and I didn't deny it so I was punishing myself for getting lost in my fantasy and I was scared you would be angry at me for laying about us being married.” There you go, he said it. He closes his eyes waiting to be yelled at for lying to someone Eddie will see more often than he would.
But no yelling comes, instead Eddie's pure laugh fills the room and Buck can't help but start laughing with him.
“You are unbelievable.” Eddie mocks him, pushing him gently to the other side of the couch. “I don't get angry at you when you let Christopher stay up past his bed time, I won't get angry at you for this, Buck.” He adds to reassure him with a pat on the knee. “This explains why moms stopped flirting with us at pick up.” He adds getting up and turning the TV off.
Now that Buck thinks about it, it has been a while since the last time a mom had approached him with the intention of getting into his pants.
“We should try get some sleep before Christopher comes back.” Eddie says handing Buck the pillow and the blanket he usually use to sleep on the couch.
“Yeah, you are right.” Buck easily agrees feeling now every bone of his body ache for some rest.
“Later, Buck.”
“Later, Eddie.”
They smile at each other one last time as Eddie enters his room. Buck settles on the couch and sighs. Happiness washing all over him. He picks up the phone and quickly makes a note to remember to call Dr. Copeland as soon as possible for their next appointment, realizing that it has been a while since he had a session. Had had been busy, and honestly after he had gone with his parents he had started hated it, but he always wanted to start again with a more regular scheduling but never had the time to actually do it. Now he has an even better reason to. He places the phone on the coffee table and sighs again. He can't wait for the moment he will get to call Eddie his boyfriend. No matter how long it will take, he will wait.
He didn't even realize he fell at sleep until he's waking up to smell of fresh coffee and a hand on his shoulder.
“Buck, Janet said they will be here in ten. Wake up.” Eddie's voice is soft and so are his eyes when Buck finally forces his open.
“How long did we sleep?” He asks, putting his feet down so that the other man can sit next to him and hand him his own mug of coffee.
“Two hours and half.” Eddie informs sipping his coffee.
They drink their caffeine enjoying the last minutes of silence before a over hyped by sugar kid walks back in the house. Buck is almost asleep again lulled by Eddie's warm on his side where he is basically glued to when the doorbell rings.
Eddie gets up and Buck lets out a small annoyed sound at the sudden lack of heat next to him.
“Hi, dad!” Christopher's enthusiastic voice fills the house as soon as Eddie opens the door.
“Hey, buddy, did you have fun?” The man asks letting his son into the room.
“So much fun!” The kid replies almost shouting.
Buck gulps his coffee and gets up to join Eddie and Christopher and say goodbye to Janet.
“Buck, I got you candies!” Christopher informs as soon as he notice the other man, waving a small bag up.
“That's awesome, buddy, thank you! Why don't you bring them to the dining table?” Buck says, the tone of his voice matching Christopher's happy one. The kid gives him a quick hug and then walks into the other room. “Hi, Janet.” He greets once he turns back to the two adults and the woman waves at him with a smile.
“Thank you again for taking him.” Eddie says taking Christopher's backpack from her.
“It was a pleasure and Matt had so much fun.” She answers honestly. “Oh, he got large popcorn but didn't finish them so you could have them for you movie night at home, I've put them in his backpack.” She informs pointing to the object. “I better go before Matt ends up eating all of his candies.” She says pointing behind her at the kid sitting in the passenger seat picking from his own candy bag.
Before Buck can get too excited Eddie's already raising his hand to stop him from talking.
“I'm pretty sure Christopher is eating them as well and he should stop!” Eddie respond raising his voice a little so the kid can hear him. Buck takes a step back to see the dining room and he catches as Christopher quickly chew a candy and closes the bag again. He bites in a laugh and focuses on the adults conversation again.
“Next time we have a day off from work we take Matt out with us. I'm sure you and your husband could use some alone time.” Eddie offers and the woman offers him a bright smile in return.
“Well, I cannot refuse such an inviting offer.” She laughs. “Parents alone time is really needed especially in married couples and it's better than exercising.” She adds winking at them.
Buck chokes on his own saliva at the assumption and surely he doesn't expect Eddie to laugh shyly and add “Much better than exercising.”, because one thing is saying he isn't angry about the lie another is playing along with it and adding to it.
And the bastard - with lots of love - has the courage to turn to him and wink at him. If Janet or Christopher weren't there and they were already in a relationship Buck would have most likely pinned Eddie to the nearest surface to have some much needed “exercise”. For now he just scratches the back of his neck and avoids eye contact.
They say their goodbyes and joining Christopher to dining table.
“Can I eat one more candy?” The kid asks as soon as he sees Buck opening the bag to take one for himself. He looks at Eddie that's standing behind Christopher's chair silently asking for what he should say.
“You are the one putting him to bed, you decide.” Eddie shrugs.
Everything is so domestic Buck almost cries right there. The fact that Eddie already decided he's staying for dinner and that he will put Christopher to sleep and they will most likely watch something together after on the couch with no space between them. The prospect that he may have this for the rest of his life makes him want to scream of happiness.
“Okay, one more, but you eat whatever greens your dad gives you tonight!” Buck tries for the best approach to reach an agreement.
Christopher thinks about it for a minute before nodding his head. “Deal.” He says reaching out to the man so he can give him the candy.
Buck pretends not to see he picked two candies instead of one and place them on the kid hand that quickly eats them so that Eddie doesn't see the mistake.
Eddie laughs and Buck gets lost in watching him as he ruffles his son hair and then places a kiss on top of his head. Then he notices the moment Eddie seems to move to do the same to him before he stops himself. And nope, Buck will have none of that. If they are working toward each other they can't stop themselves from reaching out for the other. Small touches can be their first step towards feeling comfortable in their romantic relationship.
He moves his chair closer to Christopher, straighten his back and tilt his head towards Eddie, a silent invitation not to hold back. The corners of Eddie's mouth curl up in a small smile before he moves behind Buck's chair, he ruffles his hair and then bend down to leave a kiss on his head. Buck's heart is beating so fast right now that he's scared it will pop out of his chest any second now. If Christopher finds their behavior odd, he doesn't comment on it, already launched in the story of his day.
“You need to shower, Buck, you still smell like smoke.” Eddie comments wrinkling his nose.
“Yeah, Buck, go shower.” Christopher adds.
Buck chuckles and gets up - he picks up Eddie's towel from the floor and place it into the laundry basket on his way.
If this is the future in front of him he can totally take some light teasing about smelling like smoke. Honestly, he can't wait.