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Endless grey surrounded Gabriel as he lay in his bed upon the recently hijacked Xen Battleship. Vague semblances of noise surrounded him, but he didn’t pay attention to any of it. What was the point? It all felt so needless and distant - as if he was somewhere else entirely.
He had failed to protect the one person who had dared to show him any kind of unconditional love. He could see it, so vividly. He could see her hand, just barely scraping Hapi’s wing, as she– as she perished.
Gabriel should have never run away and yet he did. He should have stayed. It should have been him that faced that monstrosity of a woman. Now, thanks to his cowardice, his mom was dead. Thanks to his weakness, she was gone - forever!
Gabriel didn’t know how long it’d been since that day. A few days, maybe? Aelita had tried to console him already, Melia and Val too, but he just couldn’t bring himself to say anything. They could all say otherwise, but what happened was just inexcusable, surely? After everything she had done for him, Gabriel had just let his mom die. After so long, they were finally reunited, and yet she was taken away again - this time, forever.
It was just a cruel joke. Was it a sign from the gods that Gabriel was just doomed to always fail at anything he ever set out to do? Or was it a sign that he was just doomed to bring misery to those close to him? It all felt so damn helpless. What good was he to anyone now?!
Gabriel couldn’t find the energy to lift his head to whoever was talking to him now. Judging by the voice, it was maybe Saki. She was trying to cheer him up, but he just wasn’t feeling in the mood for it. All he could do was reminisce. He thought back to his life long before today, to a day that was rather fateful for him, now so long ago.
Gabriel looked out the big front window of the orphanage. Some of the snow from this morning was still lying on the ground. It’s a shame it was a bit too dark to go out and play. Playing in the snow was always fun! But Castellia City was way too busy at night, and even sneaking out to the playground at night got you in lots of trouble. Still, for now - there was still plenty to do inside! Plus it was much warmer in the building than it was outside.
Normally, life at the orphanage was pretty uneventful. It was kinda a lot of the same thing. Gabriel found it a little boring. Classes, chores, and then free time. It wasn’t exactly a lot of fun, but it was easy enough to get used to. Gabriel usually tried his best to play with all the other kids, but he wasn’t really in any of the “groups.”
Everyone had these groups of kids they'd hang out and play with. They were usually kinda based on when they all came to live at the orphanage - but not always. Gabriel used to have a group too, but it was kinda small and everyone in Gabriel’s “group” had already found new families. Gabriel almost did too a few times, but… something always happened, and they ended up saying no. It had already happened a couple of times.
Today wasn't just any boring day though! Gabriel was attending a party for one of his last remaining friends, Jessie. He was a really cool kid who knew, like, everything about Pokemon. Especially Ground types. Apparently, he was from some house on Route 4, and he saw a lot of Sandile before - but then a really bad sandstorm hit, and he lost everything.
It was super cool that he found new parents, though. Apparently, they were really nice and smelled like candy. That was cool. It would be sad without him, though. They always used to talk about Pokemon together, and they even discussed maybe becoming trainers someday when they were big enough! But, the new parents lived way over in the Orre region. That was waaaaay too far away to walk even if you packed lots of snacks. They even say Pokemon can’t fly there, and they have to use planes. It must be super far away, in that case.
The party was nearly over now, though. It was a lot of fun! Gabriel got to watch everyone play a lot of games. There was also a lot of really good food and practically all of the kids were there. Going away parties were sad but always very fun. Jessie got to say goodbye to everyone and have fun with them one last time.
He… hadn’t said goodbye to Gabriel yet, though - but that's because Gabriel wanted to do something before he said goodbye! There was one thing that they had forgotten to do today! It’d be nice if he could share one last memory with Jessie before he went away, and time was running out!
Gabriel tried to get the attention of one of the orphanage ladies who was running the party.
“What is it, Gabriel?” she asked. She didn’t look very happy, and she was frowning - maybe she was upset Gabriel interrupted her? This lady was usually pretty angry a lot of the time, especially at Gabriel. She said he had “too much energy” but he was trying his best to behave and be calm like they all asked...
“U-um, we… we haven’t done everything yet…” Gabriel said, meekly kicking his foot as everyone slowly stopped talking. “There’s still some stuff we have to do, right?”
“What? What haven’t we done, then?” she asked, almost snapping her fingers at him - as more kids stopped talking.
Now that a lot of kids were staring, Gabriel felt pretty silly. The thing seemed so important before, but now he just felt weird. He didn’t know if it was important enough to bring up anymore, and he felt a bit embarrassed for trying to. He was so sure before, but maybe it wasn’t so important now.
“T-to-today’s not… today’s not just Jessie’s—” Gabriel began, before being quickly interrupted.
“Gabriel. Enough. I don’t care what you’re about to say, today is about Jessie and his going away celebration. Don’t you try to take away from his special day, we won’t be having your usual behaviour today.”
Now Gabriel was really confused. He didn’t know what she meant. Usual behaviour? Has he always been bad or something? Why was everyone looking at him now? Did he say something really wrong?
He just wanted to remind her that today wasn’t just Jessie’s going away party. He saw it on the calendar! Something else was happening today that was really important, too!
“But… but it’s also my…”
“Enough!” She shouted, glaring angrily at Gabriel, as he winced and backed up from her scary red face. Everyone was definitely looking at him now. It made Gabriel want to disappear.
“I… I just wanted…” Gabriel choked out, trying to form words as he struggled to catch his breath. The orphanage attendant started looking really scary - even more than she usually did! Gabriel was just trying his best not to cry, keeping his head down as much as he could.
“I think we’ve had enough of your nonsense, Gabriel. Go back to your room. You can forget about your dinner tonight!” she scolded, wagging her finger in the mean way she always did whenever he got in trouble. “Think about what you’ve done today, young man!”
“O-okay…” Gabriel said, using his arm to rub his eyes as he fled up the stairs, unable to look any of the other kids in the eye. He didn’t get it. Why was everyone so angry?! It wasn’t fair, right?! He ran back to his room, going up the stairs as fast as he could.
“I'm sorry about that, everyone, I will talk with him later. Now, let’s all say goodbye to–”
Gabriel could hear their laughter and giggling and chatting as he left and ran up the stairs. It sounded so fun. He wanted to go back. He really just wanted to see everyone and say goodbye properly to Jessie! He really wanted to go and just say sorry, but they probably didn’t want to see him. Maybe they’d have more fun if he wasn’t there anyway.
Gabriel walked into his room and looked out the window. He could see Jessie running into the hands of some lady and another lady. Oh. Right. He mentioned that he was gonna have two moms - and no dads. None of the books he’d ever read talked about having two moms. He wondered if that was different to having a mom and a dad. Did some people have two dads, instead? Or maybe some people live with more than two parents? That sounded REALLY fun. Imagine all the birthday gifts you’d get with, like, four moms?!
He wondered if there was a limit to the number of parents kids were allowed to have. It didn’t seem fair that some kids got two moms when he didn’t have any. Or at least, not anymore. He apparently used to, but they didn’t want him. He wondered why. He wondered if he was maybe a bad kid. Maybe he did something really wrong like he did today, and that’s why he didn’t have parents anymore.
So many other kids had parents. They must be good kids. What did Gabriel need to do to be a good kid? Maybe if he did that , he’d have good parents too.
He knew it was wrong to be greedy and selfish and that greedy and selfish people don’t deserve nice things. So, was the answer just to want to help others instead? He thought he was already doing that, though…
He always tried his best to be kind. He tried to play with the lonely kids, make friends, and share his food and toys… but he was always in trouble, anyway. He always defended other kids who were being picked on by bullies. He always went out of his way to try and play with the lonely kids….
Maybe it’s because he was just selfish. He just wanted to be happy, and have friends, and parents and… maybe that was the problem. People always say you should treat others well, so maybe the secret was to think more about others’ happiness. The teachers always say being kind to others is its own reward, so maybe being happy is about making others happy, and then you just naturally kind of feel happy yourself. It was confusing, but he sort of got it. The snacks in the dining hall were super yummy, but when he gave them to a friend, there was this special feeling that always made him happy too. Was that what all of the teachers meant? Was wanting things for himself selfish? Did that make him a bad kid? Was it wrong of him to try and ask for things for himself, or want things for himself?
The thoughts made him kind of sad, so he wanted to do something else instead. He gazed out the window as one of Jessie’s new moms drove their car away. He’d soon be flying all the way to Orre. He hoped Jessie would be happy there. He heard there were some really cool Pokemon in that place.
His stomach growled. Oh. He was hungry.
Gabriel looked into the drawer next to his bed. He took out a cupcake he had got from Jessie that morning. Apparently, it was an extra he had got from earlier in the party and he didn’t want it. He’d normally not take something from someone else, but this was a gift. Jessie said so. So no one would be mad if he ate it, right? It’s rude to waste food and also rude to say no to a gift. Surely, this was okay?
He placed an old candle he took from the kitchen into the icing.
Gabriel took the cupcake into his hands and gently unwrapped the paper on the base. He choked a little as he tried to get the last bit off, wiping his eye as he held it to his mouth.
This cupcake was the same kind of one every kid got on their birthday. It would always have a special candle on it, and they’d get to make one wish! The orphanage ladies would also always get them a big present, like a brand new toy. It was so fun seeing what everyone got.
With his thoughts on dates and birthdays, Gabriel looked at the calendar above his bed again. Yeah, he wasn’t mistaken before. He was right.
It was December 1st today.
Today, it was supposed to be Gabriel’s birthday. He saw it on the calendar. Just like last year, and the year before that. Whenever it came to his birthday though, he never got any of that. Something else was always more important. Or maybe - maybe he was a bad kid, and since he was, he wouldn’t get a birthday. Do only good kids get birthdays? He wondered what he would have done with the wishes if he had gotten them. If he had done his maths right (and he wasn’t very good at maths) he would have had, uh, six birthdays before this one? Unless you only get birthdays after a certain age.
How long had it been since he last heard someone say “Happy Birthday”? Actually, he heard it yesterday when it was Jenny’s birthday. And then a month ago when it was Brians. He remembered a lot of birthdays. It was a kid’s most special day! Everything was about them, and everyone played with them and all of the nice ladies got them gifts and they all got to do fun activities all day, and they didn’t have to attend classes. It sounded really nice.
“H-happy Birthday to me!” he said, weakly smiling as he took his first bite. No. It just didn’t feel the same.
…It was funny. Everyone else always raved about how good these cupcakes were, and he always looked forward to one every year.
But… the icing tasted a little too salty to him.