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A wheat field beside Kamone Academy. An evening sky painted in a watercolor landscape of pinks and oranges, clouds shifting in front of the setting sun. The wind blowing ever so lightly.
“How long do you think I’ll be here?” A voice asks. Sunken and kissed in melancholy, barely heard over the winds pushing through wheat and grass.
“What do you mean?” A mimicking quiet but inquisitive voice, almost daring.
“I’m going to fade away eventually, right?” It makes his stomach churn at merely the thought, the pain inconceivable, yet it’s a truth. He’s a faded soul, gone once, and eventually gone again. He thinks he’s prepared for a second time. He's not.
“I won’t let that happen,” He begins, his eyes widening slightly, “I-I- mean unless you want to fade away eventually,” He finishes with insecurity and haste, a hand rubbing the back of his neck. Mitsuba's much too familiar with the action. It's nervous and it's meek, and it's so purely Kou.
“I don’t. Not anymore at least,” He answers in whispers. In genuine, he originally thought passing on was the only answer, the only way to be at peace. To finish his unfinished business and fade from this world being his only option. Yet now, he finds himself wanting more than just simple peace, he wants to live, he wants to experience life, even for just a second longer. He didn't have a reason to before, he thinks he has one now.
Who wants to fade away, to be forgotten? It was painful the first time he realizes. Now he can’t imagine how much worse it’ll be the second, especially now that he has Kou.
“Then I won’t let that happen,” Just as matter of fact. The insecure expression fading back into determination and Mitsuba can’t help but feel his own expression soften.
“You won’t?” His eyebrows raise slightly, it’s a little unbelievable, but when Kou says something, it’s difficult not to believe him. He speaks of such vigor and honesty, unimaginable to hear a lie out of his mouth.
“I promise I won’t.” And now the watercolor landscape has faded into a purple, almost black starry sky. The sound of wind pushed wheat fields being replaced by melodic chirping crickets and rustling grasses.
===
A quiet and high pitched yawn comes from the sleeping bag next to Kou. Mitsuba stretches his arms as he sits up on his sleeping bags, rubbing his eyes slightly to clear his vision. His hair is slightly messy and his ponytail is loosened now laying low, his bangs restless. He pushes them behind his ears, both eyes visible. Now turning to look at Kou who was listening attentively to Natsuhiko’s perilous stories of adventure and bravery.
His attention is turned towards Mitsuba when he hears the girlish yawn.
“Good morning sleepy head,” Natsuhiko says as he gets up from his sleeping bag brushing himself off slightly in a heroic essence, the dramatics make Kou’s eyes sparkle with naivety, “I’m going to go get us some snacks, we will be here for a while after all!” He finishes walking out of the classroom and disappearing from the eyes view.
Kou nods enthusiastically, Mitsuba a small and sleepy hum as he looks around trying to remember the situation they are in.
“What happened to ‘someone as delicate as me can’t sleep in a place like this!” Kou mocks, shifting towards the slightly dazed Mitsuba.
He responds with a stuck up “hmph!” and an upward tilt of his chin.
“You are so difficult, you know that?” Kou laughs, inching closer to Mitsuba as he speaks.
“Yet you still chose to hang around me,” Mitsuba responds with pride. The two sit and talk in their little bubble for a moment, the happy and light mood quickly shifting once Kou notices the slight frown on Mitsuba’s face.
“Are you doing ok?” Kou cautions. Mitsuba responds with a curt shrug, his face contorting into multiple different emotions, he seems to be just as confused as Kou.
“I guess,” He finally begins after moments of thought, “Just…scared. There’s no way I can last as a ghost forever. They always fade eventually, unfinished business finished or not…and well I don’t know, I have a gut feeling that day is inching closer.”
Kou’s eyes widen in pity and realization, he’s now inched so close to Mitsuba that their thighs are touching. He takes Mitsuba’s hands into his, giving a reassuring squeeze, turning up to look Mitsuba in the eyes. That same determined and honest expression spread upon his face.
“I made a promise that I would never let that happen, and I plan to keep it. I still don’t know how I’m going to do it, but this has got to be a lead. No.6 is the god of life and death right? So he’s got to know how to bring you back, or at least keep you as a ghost. I am not letting you fade away again.” He squeezes Mitsuba’s hand once more, his eyebrows furrowing in vigor.
Mitsuba breathes a small sigh, letting a small and fond smile plaster his face, it’s small but noticeable.
“You’re so full of yourself Minamoto” He teases, breaking the tense mood. Kou rolls his eyes pushing Mitsuba slightly with his shoulder. Their hands don’t leave each other.
“Can you be serious for longer than a second?” He huffs.
“Of course I can! I just don’t want to,” Mitsuba teases in response. The room is quiet aside from their idle chit chat. They rest in an empty classroom, the desks pushed to one corner to make way for their sleeping bags, placed in a star shape form. Though now Kou’s sleeping bag is directly next to Mitsuba’s.
They speak in one word sentences asking questions, teasing, talking, enjoying their time together.
Mitsuba would go to the lengths of saying he feels truly alive during these small moments. The moments where it’s just him and Kou. Talking as if he was really there, still a student at Kamone, still seen by everyone, a person, a human. Not dead, not a ghost, not faded away. He knows how naive it is to believe these moments mean anything, like they actually change anything for him, he knows how stupid it is to hope, but the idea of being alive, being known and acknowledged is just so wonderful. He hopes and he hopes, and yet the aching feeling in his unbeating heart may never cease.
How do ghosts feel pain? Mitsuba hates that he even can, he’s dead, why still have the emotions and feelings of the living without actually living. He thinks it's the world's way of taunting him. The world doesn’t seem to favor him, but now that he thinks about it, he doesn’t need the worlds favor, the world is stupid, the world is bias, and the world can never measure up to what Kou is because Kou is honest, he is determined, and he will never give up on Mitsuba like the world did.
Mitsuba is placing his left hand onto his right arm when his hand falls right through. How does that happen? He snaps out of the conversation in confusion looking down at his arm, or lack thereof apparently. His eyes widened in a rainbow of emotions.
“Minamoto, do you see this?” There’s a crack in his voice, a lump in his throat, and the feeling of tears building up in his eyes. He’s too afraid to blink them away. What one blink could mean terrifies him.
Kou looks down at Mitsuba’s arm, his eyes widened, his mouth agape. He subconsciously moves a hand to try and touch the arm that is now fading into glass particles. His hand goes right through.
“W-what’s happening?” Tears now streaming down Mitsuba’s face as he looks up at Kou, the same scared expression on his face.
“I-I- don’t know,” His voice is breathy, it’s lost, and it’s shaking. He places a hand on Mitsuba’s cheek, their faces matching in horror.
“Y-you can’t go. I can’t lose you. Not again. I-I- made a promise, I promised. This can’t be happening, you’re going to be fine. You have to be fine. I promised, I can’t break that promise. I can’t let you down, I don’t want to let you down. I’m so sorry, I’m so so so-” His voice is everywhere, it’s rising, it’s falling, it’s trembling, he’s trembling. His eyes are flashing to every part of Mitsuba that is fading away. His right arm, his left leg, his hair, his scarf, everything.
“Minamoto, it-it’s ok. It’ll be fine. I was going to fade away eventually, I didn’t think it was this soon, but it was inevitable. It’s ok that you couldn’t save me, you didn’t have to, I love you for even trying, for even giving me a chance. You don’t owe me anything Minamoto. I’m so glad I met you, I’m so happy I could spend my last moments with you, and that's all that really matters, right?” A small pitiful smile and a tear streaming down his cheek which Kou tried to rub away with his thumb, and Mitsuba is gone.
“But I promised.” silent tears, heavy breathing, and the tight grip of the now empty sleeping bag