Work Text:
“Can you believe I didn’t expect to reach 30?” Ogata's low voice draws across the room. Vasily breaks his gaze away from the painting he had been working on. Turning around to look at his boyfriend, who was sitting on the couch a few meters away, looking at his phone. He made a questioning sound. Ogata didn’t look up. “In either life.”
Vasily left his palette and brushes on the table, sitting beside his boyfriend whose eyes didn’t move from the phone even after laying against the taller man. Vasily looks down to the phone, it was on the home screen, a picture of them during their 6 th anniversary, almost a month ago. They had taken a picture walking around the Roppongi Sakurazaka after their visit to The National Art Center, one Ogata’s gift for him.
That had been their first anniversary since they started living together so they had gone a bit overboard on activities, and gifts, that last one mostly Vasily. He just felt an extreme need to shower Ogata with gifts, as if he was making up for something. Ogata reproached for the expenses but seeing him blush was worth it.
The increasing weight of his boyfriend on his side brought him back to the present, Vasily smiled, getting the message he hugged him, bringing him close to his chest. Just then Ogata’s eyes left the phone focusing on Vasily’s hands.
“What is wrong?” he signs knowing the other wouldn’t tell anything unprompted.
“I have been thinking,” Ogata's eyes were back to the phone. “About us, our time together. About our other life, the one that could never be.” Vasily hummed, hugging him closer. “I lived that life moment to moment, not caring much about anything but my objective and how to acquire it, everything was just a stepping stone, everyone just an obstacle to pass.”
“Everyone?” He signs, laying his face on the shorter man's neck; he could feel Ogata’s laugh.
“Sorry Vasya, but yes, everyone. If it makes you feel better, I did enjoy our duels; they were probably the most alive I had felt in a long time.” He turns his face around with a smirk “It helps that I won both” Vasily rolls his eyes, pushing him with his body. Ogata's eyes went back to the phone. “I didn’t want to admit it but I was on a fast ride towards self-destruction. I was not going to give myself time to stop, not for this .” He takes a deep breath, mulling on his next words. ”I guess I felt like I had no time.” A bitter laugh leaving his lips. “I was right on that, I ran out of time pretty fast…”
For those words Vasily hugged him tighter, the quickest way to drive his point across to the other man. It was always hard, talking about this. They didn’t discuss about their past life much; some aspects of it were still too raw of a subject for the both of them. Ogata’s death and Vasily's life after it were especially hard to talk about. Ogata didn’t ask and he didn’t share about what he did with his life, not even how long he lived.
“Did you know that I never even considered what I would do after I accomplished my objective? I didn’t see a life after it.” He rests his head against Vasily's neck, closing his eyes, taking a deep breath before continuing in a low tone, “It was the same in this life; but I had no objective this time. Mom didn’t give me one and I learned pretty fast that my wish of a family, of getting my father anything , was not meant to be.” Vasily could feel the other’s body tense “So, I was just there , living moment to moment, not considering a future for myself. There was nothing to keep me around…”
Vasily closes his eyes, hugging his boyfriend closer. Over the years he had gotten bits and pieces of his family situation. They meet online as children, but that was childish rivality and dumb conversations, they didn’t start to share anything important until a few years later. He didn’t even get Ogata’s name until they were sixteen, he himself not sharing his name until the year prior.
There is a particular night when he remembers being fifteen and wishing he could go to Japan and ‘rescue’ Ogata; to be like the hero of a fairytale after a particularly hard night made his friend share some of his family situation, how the pressure and isolation was slowly driving him mad.
Or the one night he will never forget where he had to be stopped by his parents at eighteen from getting on a plane to Japan just to go and beat up Ogata’s dad after hearing how little he had cared that he was run over by a car . Ogata had laughed it off at the time, but he could see the hurt in his eyes during their video call after the hospital.
For years, he just wanted to be there but was unable to.
For some years, after getting back his memories, he thought the only time he would ever touch Ogata was when he found his body in their past life. It eated him to ever consider it all he would ever get to feel was the cold, broken body of the other sniper; that he would never be able to feel his warm and soft skin against his.
To never get to have him alive between his arms.
To never be able to share the same breath as him…
“Vasya!” Vasily opens his eyes, looking at an irritated Ogata staring at him with discomfort. Looking down he saw how tight his arms were on the other’s body, so he slowly loosened his hold. He got lost in his own memories and didn’t notice his grip increasing, ‘sorry’ he articulated, his boyfriend sighed. “It's fine, I may deserve a bit of pain over the subject matter anyways.” Vasily squishes him again huffing. “What?” Vasily put his hands on the other’s view:
“You are right on something.” Ogata eyebrow rose “you deserve hugs.” Those words made him blush.
“Shut up!” He says, pushing Vasily away but the other kept his grip unflinching. After a few tries he stops pushing, glaring at the Russian while sweeping his hair back, “ You are impossible sometimes.” Vasily smirks, hugging him close to his body. Ogata lets out a laugh. “But I guess it wouldn’t be if you weren’t.” He looks back at the phone, with a sad smile on his face. “You didn’t stay the night that day, so you weren’t around when I woke up the day I turned 27. I still remember opening my eyes that morning and all I could think was ‘ I’m older ’. It keeps repeating in my mind over and over.” He swallows a lump on his throat. “I just couldn’t believe it.”
“You seemed fine that afternoon.” Vasily signs frowning. He remembers taking Ogata out that day. It was a nice afternoon. They went to the zoo, had a long discussion about which wildcat was cuter. It had been a good day, he even remembers getting Ogata to laugh a few times. Was he pretending to be fine the whole day?
“I did woke up feeling like my whole world had shattered on some level. But that was over the moment I saw you that day. It was like none of that mattered anymore.” He uses his free hand to reach up and caress Vasily’s face. “I already told you, there is an emptiness I had in my past life that followed me to this one, one that I think will never stop being there but… “ He squirmed a bit and Vasily allowed him to turn around, so he could hug him back “I feel like I can keep going with you around.”
“I will always be there for you.” Vasily murmurs against his ear. Ogata’s grip became harder.
“You better,” He says hoarsely. “I’m not planning to go anywhere anytime soon in this life.” They stayed like that for a few minutes, just enjoying the other presence.
After a few minutes Vasily opened his eyes.
“Hyakun?” He whispers, placing a hand on the other’s check, Ogata humms looking up. “Happy Birthday.” He kissed his boyfriend's cheek. Ogata just huffs, laying his weight in on the taller man.
“I hope you are aware that painting is not getting finished tonight” Ogata murmurs against his chest. Vasily just laughs, accommodating their bodies in a more comfortable position on the couch. “Vasily?” Ogata murmurs, “...in all of these two lives, I’m not sure how it was for you but for me, there is just a place I call home and it’s because you are there.” Vasily smiles at him kissing his temple.
“It was miserable. That time. Never leave me again”
“Never.”