Chapter Text
Hugo wanted to be surprised that he still knew the address, but deep down he knew that it was etched in his memory. He’d spent too many days walking over there, getting dropped off, and getting picked up for him to ever forget the place. Some days when he was just out for a stroll doing nothing in particular he found himself leaning in the direction of his old home away from home.
Whenever that happened he always made a hard turn in the other direction.
But now he was walking directly towards it and as he came to the four way stop down on Old Corona Road, part of him still wanted to take a hard turn down Saporia Street instead and never look back. He had a mission though, one that he couldn’t just ignore.
His feet moved on autopilot and soon his destination came into view. A big, Victorian style house with stone steps and a pleasant looking yard. The flowers he’d been bullied into helping plant seemed to be growing quite well, their petals looking lush and full despite how late into the season it was. There were new scorch marks on the grass that he didn’t remember, must’ve been recent. For as much as it stayed the same, it was also so incredibly different.
Of course it was. It had been four years.
Four years since Hugo had last hung out with him . Like, really hung out. Not just passed him in the hallway or waved to him across their old school parking lot. Four years since he’d last hung out with…with…
Fuck. Fuck. He couldn’t even remember his new name, why was he even here if he couldn’t even remember the fucking name his old friend had picked out after he transitioned? He remembered hearing it through the hallways, he’d been so sure that he’d known it but no. It wasn’t coming to his mind, the only name he could think of was the old name and god that would get him a one way ticket to being kicked in the dick.
‘Hey, long time no see. I know we haven’t talked in four years and I don’t even remember your new name, but I need your help. You know that book your mom gave you that’s literally the only copy left in existence? I really need it for this program I’m trying to get into so if I could just snag that I’ll be on my way.’
He couldn’t see that going great. Maybe he could just avoid using his name? Call him buddy or pal or something stupid and corny like that. Yeah, yeah that could work.
Or he could turn around, go home, change his entry paper and confess to the people in charge that he actually didn’t have that super expensive, super rare book that he’d bragged about and was the only reason for his consideration into the program to begin with. There were other science programs around, other things he could do in college. And wasn’t it all a bit underhanded anyways? These professors and intellectuals being bribed into letting him join their research just because he said he had something they wanted? Did he really want to be working with people like that?
Yes. A hundred percent yes, of course he fucking did.
So he kept moving his feet up the steps to the front door. At one point in his life he’d been given a key; he would let himself enter unannounced for an impromptu sleepover, and that big burly man that whatever-his-new-name-is called dad couldn’t do a thing about it.
How times changed.
Hugo stood at the door for several minutes, every bone in his body telling him this was a bad idea. But really, what was the worst that could happen? He would get a door slammed in his face, maybe get a kick to the groin even if he didn’t say the wrong name, and he would go back home with his pride bruised and completely fucked. That was only a possibility though; if he didn’t knock he was definitely fucked.
As if his body made up his mind for him, his hand raised and he rang the doorbell. No going back now.
He waited a few seconds, trying to keep his leg from bouncing. He checked his hair in one of the windows, made sure that he didn’t look as unsure as he was. He needed to ooze confidence. Act like nothing ever happened and the guy behind the door was still his best friend and not a complete stranger now.
A few more seconds and he rang the doorbell again. And then again. He knew someone was home, there was a car in the driveway and it was a pretty big house but not a mansion, it shouldn’t take someone that long to get the damn door-
“Can I help you?”
The person who finally opened the door wasn’t who he’d been expecting at all. The exact opposite in fact.
Instead of being met with the face of an old friend, he was being glared at by a short, slim girl in a purple dress. Her dark skin was half glazed with some kind of facial mask that was hastily rubbed off, and there were star shaped barrettes falling from her hair.
This…this was not the person he was looking for.
“Hey uh, I was looking for a guy? He lives here or used to? Live here? I thought I saw his car parked outside but…”
That was his car right? He remembered seeing him get out and in it every day in the school parking lot. It had the raccoon sticker on the back.
The girl in front of him huffed and then turned her head into the house.
“Varian? Some guy with a bad undercut is here to see you!” She called out.
Varian! That was right, his name was Varian! Of course, it was such a him name to pick out. How did he forget that? He hadn’t been around for the picking out process but how could he have gone to school with him for that long and not remember what he’d ended up going by?
His thoughts were interrupted by the girl as she turned back to him with her arms crossed.
“You’re interrupting our movie night you know.”
“Oh yeah, the horror. How ever will you go on without your nightly dose of Re-animator ?”
She looked at him funny at that, her expression changing from annoyed to suspicious. He immediately knew that he fucked up and raised his hands up against the oncoming attack before she could open her mouth again. It wasn’t his fault that Varian was predictable
“How did you know that’s what we were watching? Wait, are you some kind of stalker? Varian! Stay upstairs! You have five seconds to tell me who the hell you are before I-”
“Hugo?”
And all of a sudden, there he was. Varian. He looked a bit disheveled, his face shining a bit with the same face mask substance that the girl had on her face. He was in sweats and a T-shirt, his usual bedtime attire if Hugo remembered correctly. Although as the worn neckline slipped off his shoulder, Hugo could see a bit of what looked to be a tank top peeking out from under it. He knew that wasn’t what it was.
Overall, Varian looked the same as he had in school. Black hair with a teal stripe in it. Several, actually, a few of them faded but still present. Freckled face, though with significantly less acne than Hugo remembered, and was that facial hair he saw? There was still the tooth gap that he never got fixed.
It was hard to tell with the baggy clothes, but he looked a little bit more buff as well. Not that Hugo ever got a good look at him while passing him in the hallway, but there seemed to be a bit more definition there; he remembered there was a period where he saw the other passing by and noticed he’d got significantly chubbier, but that seemed to have toned down. At least for the most part, he would assume. His face was still a little round and the baggy clothes hid a lot. His jaw was more defined too.
All that in four years, hm? He really hadn’t been paying enough attention.
He realized too late that he’d been staring too long. He had to say something. He’d practiced this, he’d rehearsed this.
He had this. Totally.
“Sup?” Ok. He didn’t have this.
Whatever Varian was experiencing, Hugo couldn’t tell. As kids, he could read his face like an open book. There was nothing they could hide from each other, nothing that couldn’t be unlocked with a sideways glance and a bit of a smile. Now he was just another almost-stranger he’d gone to school with.
“Nuru?” Varian said. “Can you leave us alone for a sec?”
The girl, Nuru apparently, looked him up and down again, then turned back to Varian before sighing and nodding.
“You,” She said harshly, turning back to him one last time and pointing a finger at his chest, “Have until the pizza is done.”
He rolled his eyes at her, but luckily she was already walking away, into the kitchen. A kitchen where, he might add, she could totally hear everything that was going on. That had been his and Varian’s favourite place to spy as kids, listening to whatever the other’s dad was saying to whoever was stopping by to visit.
Now it was a spot that this new person seemed to have adopted. And Varian didn’t seem to stop her.
Varian. Speaking of the little devil, he was approaching him, hands crossed over his chest before stopping in the doorway. The scowl on his face was partially ruined by the remains of whatever face mask he’d been using, the goop drying in his eyebrows and tightening around his forehead, giving him the appearance of wrinkles.
Don’t laugh. He couldn’t laugh.
“What the fuck are you doing here?” Varian asked, annoyance dripping from his voice in a way that almost made him reconsider being there.
That was a good question. It had a true, honest answer, but there was no way in hell Hugo was going to give him it.
He’d rehearsed this. He knew what to say. He thought he did, at least, but looking at him now almost made him want to tell the truth. He’d always had that effect on him. It was something about those big blue eyes.
“Well uh, you know. Fall semester is kicking off, new beginnings, and during the summer I was just thinking about, y’know, old friendships and stuff? Getting all nostalgic and sappy and that shit. We’re both gonna be starting college and I figured, hey, why not drop by? Talk shit out, bury the hatchet-”
“Goodbye.”
And just like that, the door was closing on him, as were his chances of getting what he needed. He couldn’t let that happen, this was his future he was dealing with.
So, in a hasty decision, he stuck his foot out and blocked the door.
“ Motherfucker! ” Unfortunately he’d forgotten how heavy the large, solid wood door was. Damn the sturdiness of mahogany.
As half thought out as his idea was, it seemed to have worked because Varian automatically swung the door back open, allowing Hugo to pull his foot back and grab it in his hands.
“Oh my god are you-”
Hugo looked over at Varian’s face and saw for just a split second the look of concern that was there. It disappeared just as suddenly as it came, but it made Hugo’s chest fill with hope. There was still some care there. Maybe enough for him to worm his way back inside.
“I mean, serves you right.” Varian was once again crossing his arms over his chest, which elicited an eye roll from Hugo.
“No, please, I’m fine. Ice? Ha! Who needs it, not like you didn’t almost break my toe.”
“Hey! You were the idiot who put his foot in the door!”
“You were the dick who tried to close it on me!”
“Ugh, please, you’re the one who thought he could come here after four years and give me your poor wittle sob story about how you’re sooooo sorry you stopped being my friend!”
“Oh my god, you see, this is why I don’t apologize to people.”
“No, you don’t apologize to people because you’re a self serving, prideful, insufferable know-it-all!”
“Well maybe I don’t like to apologize because you’re a self-righteous, vengeful, high-horse-riding little- ack! ”
Hugo tried dropping his foot back down, feeling ridiculous having an argument while hopping. Unfortunately, it only led to more indignity as he let out a squeak of pain.
“Ok just…time out for a second, I have to sit down.”
With a bit of shame, he hopped his way over to the porch swing and slumped against it. This really wasn’t how he thought this was going to go. Well, ok, so it mostly was how he thought it was going to go, but the possibly broken foot was a surprise.
He closed his eyes in pain and heard the door shut. Disappointing, but not uncalled for. He would probably have to scamper away soon, before that Nuru girl came outside and started chewing him out.
The door opened back up just a second later, sooner than he’d expected. Not nearly enough time to recover so he could sadly limp back home.
“Look, I’m leaving, just give me a second.”
Instead of more yelling, he felt something cold drop on his leg. He opened his eyes to see a baggy full of ice and Varian standing over him.
His arms were still crossed and his brow was still furrowed, but there was that same look again, just a little bit of concern in his eyes.
“I realized that if I didn’t hear you out then you would probably be back again and I really don’t want to go through this a second time. Also I might…feel bad. If you ended up with a broken foot. Not because you don’t deserve it, because you do. But if I’m going to break something of yours I would rather have the satisfaction of it being on purpose.”
Hugo couldn’t help but smirk at that. New name, new look, same person.
“Of course. I don’t think it’s broken, though. Just bruised.” Like his ego at the moment.
He took off his shoe and put the ice pack on it, sighing with a bit of relief at the feeling.
Varian was still there, watching him. He would have to say something soon or else he might lose his window again.
“I meant what I said though, I just wanted to come over and say sorry for-”
“Abandoning me?”
“I was going to say ‘falling out of touch’. I didn’t…I never abandoned you. I just had my own life. It happens, like, all the time. People get into high school and drift apart.”
And that was what happened in Hugo’s eyes. They got to high school. Things changed. He was already a year behind, held back for ‘behavior issues’. He had ground to make up. He didn’t want to be popular, no, fuck that. But he didn’t want to really be noticed that much either.
He couldn’t give them anything to use against him. He got his underbite fixed, got a better hair cut, nicer glasses, an actual skin care routine, and his body seemed to get the memo and shot him up a few inches on top of it all. He wasn’t remarkable, but he was average and that was enough to not get him seen.
Varian, however, was the king of being noticed, being seen, standing out. Always blowing something up or causing some kind of a fuss.
He was going to actually be somebody. A somebody that nobody ever thought he was capable of being.
It had started out small. Skipping a few movie nights, getting too busy with homework to hang out. Then he started walking home in a different direction, texting less and less. Just little things that added up. He was busy with his own life, his own goals and plans.
By the time Varian came out halfway through freshman year, they were already strangers.
“We didn’t drift apart, you ghosted me.”
“That’s an oversimplification of everything and you know it.”
“No Hugo, I don’t know it!”
Ok, so they were back to yelling. Great.
“Varian can we please just-”
“Nope. Nu-uh. You wanted to come over here and bury the hatchet? So let’s bury it! Do you have any idea what it was like for me? Going into high school, thinking I had a friend, only for him to have some, at best, milquetoast glow up and suddenly decide he was too good to hang out with you?”
“Hey, I never thought I was too good to hang out with you. I just wanted an easy time through high school, like everybody else.”
“Well I’m so sorry I wasn’t an easy enough time for you! Lucky you, that you got out of having to be known as the friend of the trans freak.”
Hugo sat up quickly at that, his whole body stiffening. He wasn’t about to let that get pushed onto him. Maybe he’d fucked up by not talking to him for a few months when they first started, but that was well before everything else happened.
“That’s not on me. We weren’t talking by that point, it has nothing to do with me.”
“You could’ve reached out! You could’ve at least checked up on me outside of school, maybe pretended to care about a friendship that we’d had since we were five! Do you have any idea how hard it was? Teachers calling out the wrong name because ‘sorry sweetie, it’s on the roster’. Having to use the girl’s changing room and having them dump your bag into a toilet at least once a week. Getting a binder only for guys to shout out ‘hey, you still got tits?’ at you.”
Shit. He hadn’t realized it was that bad. He knew that Varian wasn’t exactly popular in school, but he figured it was the age of the internet. Lots of people were trans. There might be a bully here or there but he always thought it was mostly fine.
“And then I go on T and I have to go through puberty a second time! Which sucked, and everybody noticed. I put on weight while my body adjusted, my voice got all crackly, my hair started thinning. All wonderful things to happen when everybody around you is already out for your blood!”
Hugo looked him up and down for a moment, placing all the things he said with the body in front of him. His voice sounded nice, even and smooth. Maybe his hair was a little thinner, but it was so dark, he couldn’t really tell. And now that he was moving around he could see that his body still clung to a bit of that transition weight around his stomach and sides, but there was definitely muscles in his arms, probably throughout the rest of his body as well.
He didn’t look bad. In fact-
“I mean, you look pretty good now.” Hugo thought that he always looked pretty good, even in those brief glances while passing him in the hallway.
As soon as he said that though, he could tell that for some reason, that was a misstep. Varian glared at him, pointing his finger at his chest and scowling so deeply he could hardly see the blue in his eyes.
“ You don’t get to have an opinion on how I look.”
Hugo crossed his arms and scowled back up.
“Look, I’m sorry that you’re part of the, let’s say, ninety percent of kids who had a shitty time in high school, but this is a lot of fucking projection onto me for something that I had literally nothing to do with. Oh my god, I’m sooooo sorry that I was trying to live my own life and get my own shit straight while you were having a bad time! Sorry that the actions of everybody else are somehow my fault? And thanks for asking how my high school career was by the way! Sorry I couldn’t be this knight in shitty shining armor that you apparently expected me to be when we hadn’t hung out in months!?”
“We didn’t hang out because you wouldn’t talk to me!”
“I was going through my own shit!”
“You could’ve just told me about it!”
“Maybe I didn’t want to! Maybe I wanted to figure myself out on my own!”
They were building up their volume, their voices shouting and ringing over each other. Hugo could hardly make out which words were his and which were Varian’s
“I can’t believe this, you are such a self centered-”
“-entitled-!”
“-uncaring-!”
“-whiny-!”
“-absorbed-!”
“-over emotional-!”
“Pizza’s done.” A third voice chimed out, causing both of them to stop their shouting match and turn around to face Nuru as she stood in the doorway. “Which means that you, ponytail, have got to go.”
She walked over and placed a hand on Varian’s shoulder and it was then that Hugo realized there were angry tears threatening to spill from his eyes. Fuck. This wasn’t supposed to happen, this wasn’t his plan.
He watched as the two turned away and then flinched as the heavy door slammed shut.
At least he didn’t get kicked in the dick.