Archive of Our Own ^beta

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“Hello sir! Could you help me find Moby Dick?" said a library patron.

“K A C H O W sure!” screamed Lightning McMcQueen his red paint glistening in the library light.

The two walked to the fiction section. Lightning tried to get through the isle but he couldn’t fit more than a few inches.

“NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!11!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1!!!!!!!!!!!!1!111!!!!!!!!11111!!!!!!!!!!!!” screamed the car.

Just then a smelly rusty hunk of absolute masculine metal came down from the heavens.

“It me Mater Tow Truck!”

It was him the one and thankfully only Mater the tow car.

Mater started to destroy the whole the whole library to free the cooler and faster car.
He was successful.

Lightning McLightning was F R E E

“K A C H O W”

“No thanks necessary, Lightning” replied Mater McTowtruck.

Then Remy Rat showed up…

TO BE CONTINUED

Chapter Text

“It me Remy Rat!” said Remy Rat.

It was the one and only Remy Rat

“We know who you are!” said Lightning and Mater the god.

“The world and all other worlds will esplode without the help of you two!” shouted Remy panicking. The world indeed would esplode if the two didn’t help.

It all started long ago when the first Hokage did the floss and created the universe. When he did he accidentally created the multiverse. He created the five gods; Mater McTowtruck, Tinynose from Disney The Owl House, BMO, Chuck Norris and Bob The Minion.

The prophesy foretold that one day Minecraft Enderman would join the battle and the multiverse would explode. The great Supreme Rat of Time Remy Rat would gather them together and save the world.

“K A C H O W” replied Lightning.

“Good, thank you.” Said Remy McRatface.

The three jumped through the magic portal. It was a long way through the portal. Mater looked around while they were going through. He knew he was a god of this world but he never knew he was part of a prophase.

“Hey Remy, how come I never heard about this?” said Mater the non-rat.

“How should I know I’m a rat!” replied Remy the rat.

Finally, they were on the other side. It was kinda brown and dead looking. They were now in the Boiling Isles. The magical fantasy land that any middle schooler from Connecticut with no friends would love to live in. The three Pixar characters started to look around for any sign of Tinynose from Disney The Owl House.

Meanwhile, in Blight Manor…..
Odalia was being the worst

Meanwhile, in the hole in the ground where Tinynose from Disney The Owl House lived………….

Tinynose from Disney The Owl House was making a cup of hot mush.

“I love hot mush SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO much!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!” screamed the small demon shaking the whole bellybutton.

The small something ate the mush and then read the book “102 Ways To Smack Anyone Named Boscha Without Being Punted Across Galaxies”.

“Haha, I can’t read!” chuckled Tinynose from Disney The Owl House.

END OF CHAPTER 2

Chapter Text

The three CG men walked through the forest until they came upon a giant school. It was Hexxide School. Remy walked up to a student resembling that of a dog.

“Hello, do you know where I could find Tinynose from Disney The Owl House?” said The Supreme Rat of Time Remy McRatface.

“B A R K B A R K” said Barkus.

“Great! Thanks!”

Then Remy McMcMcMcRatface went back to the woods to see Lightning and Mater holding tires.

“YOU AREN’T MARRIED!!!” screamed Remy.

They weren’t married only engaged. Then Will Smith showed up and wiped Remy’s memory. Then William McSmith went to Hardee’s. The three walked to the bellybutton of the Titan where Tinynose from The Owl House Live

“Hello it me Tinynose from Disney The Owl House!”

It was her Tinynose from Disney The Owl House.

“We know who you are!” said Lightning McLightning Mater the God and Supreme Rat of Time Remy McRatface.

“How can I help you?”

“I am the Supreme Rat of Time Remy McRatface.” Said Remy McRatface

“Wait I thought your name was Remy Rat?” said Mater McTowtruck.

“Remy Rat is my Hebrew name cuz I’m a Jew rat.” Said Remy McRatface.

“K A C H O W” said Lightning.

“Yeah you get it!”

The small demon repeated herself.

“Ah yes, You are a part of a profesy where you need to help us save the universe. So will you do it?” said Remy McRatface.

“S U R E!! I WOULD LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE TO HELP!” she replied.

Then Remy summoned the portal again.

“Where are we going to?” asked Mater.

“To find a deity and a jazz musician…”

Chapter Text

Our heros step through the portal coming into a CG brightly colored world. Remy noted down where they were; Metro City. A bustling town full of people and places.

“Who do we have to find again?” asked Mater.
“Two men: The Great Lord Shrek and Barry B. Benson.”

Shrek was the god of this realm. He wasn’t one of the big five gods but he had power levels that could solo Goku.

A/N if you don’t know who he is then get da hec out

Barry is the best jazz musician out there with the Stan of “Lawyer Power”. Lawyer Power is the most powerful Stan which summons a man known simply as Saul Goodman and his sidekick Finger to solve any problem.

“We have to find them because they can find us a base of operations.” Said Remy.

Finally, they were at a large apartment building with a giant penthouse on top. Remy and Tinynose from Disney The Owl House went inside as Lightning was too wide and Mater’s wings were too big.

After getting to the penthouse they saw the man himself; the oracle Mr. Peabody. Mr. Peabody could show them where Shrek and Barry were located.

“Mr. Peabody! My old friend how are you!” said Remy.
“Ah, Remy I’m good what is it you need?”

The food loving rat and the very smart dog talked for a while and found the locations of the god and musician.

characters traveled to animation heaven and saw Barry playing Careless Whisper for Shrek and his assistants
Our main Carl Wheezer and Carl the Intern.

To Be Continued

Chapter Text

The four walked up to The Good Lord Shrek to ask for his help and guidance.
“Oh Great One, we ask for solace in your kingdom as a haven for our cause!” said Remy.
“Dear Rat of Time, I have seen the prophesy and I have seen your journey thus far and I agree to allow you use of my kingdom as a safe haven.” Declared Shrek.

The grand doors of Shrek’s Great Swamp opened and the angels sang praises of Shrek and his mercy. Our heros led by Shrek walked into the castle.
“I offer you my bard Barry my and
knight Y/N.” said Shrek pointing to Barry and Y/N.

Carl the Intern showed Mater and Tinynose from Disney The Owl House to their room. Mater and Lightning hugged goodbye vowing that when they see each other next that they would get married with a huge Pokemon themed wedding.
“K A C H O W….”
“I know, I wish I could stay with you while you travel but it’s too risky.” Replied Mater.

“So where to first?” asked Y/N, their E/C orbs glimmering.
“We need to find Stanford Pines. He knows where we can find Bob the Minion.” Replied Remy.

Y/N was then promptly sold to BTS for drug money. Remy placed down a portal and everyone jumped in.

They were in Peppa Pig.
“Heck! I set it to shuffle.” Cursed Remy.
“Put your hands up!” screamed some animals with guns.

They worked for George Pig. George, in the absence of Peppa Pig (who was on her book tour) took over the whole of England.

George took back the U.S. and then blew up Canada. He did what Lizzie never could when she was alive. George made straight marriage illegal. He took down the woman Doctor Who stuff and just made it dudes.

George was an okay leader and a Michael Scott boss.

Finally our cast of heros were gathered in front of George and questioned.
“EXECUTE THEM!” yelled George.

Suddenly, Peppa burst through the door followed by John Wick and Susie Sheep.
“Take him out John.” Peppa said scowling intensely.

John Wick shot a single bullet towards George and just like that, pork was all over the walls. Peppa then stepped onto the Iron Throne.

A/N it was Game Of Thrones all along.

Peppa snapped her fingers and Susie promptly untied Remy, Lightning and Barry.
“Pattented Susie-Bot 2.0.” said Peppa smirking.
“Made It myself.”

“So, why are you here?” asked Peppa.
“We are a band of heros trying to stop a prophesy. I am the Supreme Rat of Time Remy McRatface. This is the librarian Lightning McLightning and the bard Barry B. Benson.” Said Remy.

Remy explained the prophesy and why they were there. Peppa proceeded to give them her loyal servant John Wick and three copies of her book “A Piglet in Showbiz”.

They went on their way to the next world of Gravity Falls, Oregon.

Chapter Text

Finally, Remy and the gang landed in Gravity Falls, Oregon. They were right infront of Lazy Susans’ Diner.
“Okay team, we need to find Ford Pines; the smartest man alive.

They asked directions from the locals. Off they went to The Mystery Shack. When they got there they saw a VERY handsome man standing outside. It was Soos. He was looking very A T T R A C T I V E that day.

Remy cleared his throat before going up to Soos.
“Excuse me, where is Ford Pines?” asked Remy.

Soos directed Remy to Ford’s room and knocked onto the door.
“Ah, Remy, my old friend! What can I do for you?” asked Ford in a very Ford way.

Remy explained the current situation and caught Ford up. Ford agreed to give them the journals. Sadly, he didn’t have them Dipper had lost them in the woods when he went for Taco Bell.

Remy and his merry band went on their merry way to find the journals. They were located in the Gnome Village, The Taco Bell Parking Lot and Old Man McGuccet’s House. First to the Gnome Village.

They got there and saw the Gnome King using the journal as a chair.
“Silly, Gnome King! Books are for rats!” said Remy.

UP NEXT
A gnome fight of epic proportions
Deadly Taco joints
Singing bee man

Chapter Text

“You dare challenge my gnome authority? Foolish rat boy?!” yelled the Gnome King. He jumped up and screeched something in Gnomishese. The Gnome Army formed a giant Gnome Monster which tried to squish Remy.

“ATTACK!!” yelled Remy.

Barry started playing Never Gonna Give You Up, which made the Gnome Monster 69% less powerful. The gnome thing snapped his Otamatone clear in half, making Barry cry like Snoopy. Next Lightning pulled out his spellbook and recited an incantation: “Azerath Mentrion Kachow!” a blast of flaming poop came down from the sky and the monster fell over. Remy used his Tracer from Overwatch powers to teleport to the monster and shoot it making it limp. “The king’s still in there! John, do something!” screamed Remy in a leader like way.

John refused, he had no reason to fight those gnomes. “They k-kiled your d-d-dog!” Barry choked out between sobs. John’s eyes turned Red and he went into a rage. Our other heros hid behind a tree as John went on his massacre. Finally, one gnome standing, the king. “John! Heal” said Remy.

“Give up the book!” ordered Remy pointing a Pulse Pistol at the Gnome King’s head. The gnome king handed off the journal to Remy and our heros went on their merry way.

“You know, we never gave ourselves a name.” said Barry making small-talk. “How about: Remy’s Guild of the Gods!” suggested Remy. They all agreed and went back to the Mystery Shack.

“Well this is only #2, I already have #1 and Dipper has #3. You just need to find Dipper.” Explained Ford. “So where is Dipper?” asked Remy. “I’m not quite sure, he left a while ago to get food in the woods.”

Mabel tagged along with them to find Dipper. When they entered the woods, a sign pointed them to a Taco Bell. “Strange, a Taco Bell in the woods…” said Remy.

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Dearest readers of Cars in a Library,

Hello, I know it's been quite a while since I've updated this "masterpiece". I can explain, stuff's been rough. I stopped writing and put the story on hiatus because I had the most severe case of Writer's Block in my life. The feeling was such:

I sat alone in my bedroom, laptop open on the wooden desk before me. Microsoft Word sat open, just waiting for words to be typed in fourteen point, Abadi font. I could almost hear the characters in my head, terribly cringe humor seeping from the darkest recesses of my neural pathways. I knew what I wanted to write, but not how to write it. It was torture; horrible and mind-breaking torture that almost drove me to go the way of ol' Ernest Hemingway. I stood up, tomorrow would be another day.

I beg you, dear reader, to forgive me for leaving you edged and yearning. You waited with baited breath for an update to this story, and I imagine this one gave you false hope.

This whole thing started off as a joke. I had heard about Subspace Emissary World's Conquest and decided that I would try to outdo it. My ego was higher than the average hangout between Snoop and Martha, and my wax wings melted as I obliviously soared. I tried my hardest, but it was too much for a mere mortal. I apologize, dear viewers, for letting you all down.

Please enjoy my other works, and have an incredible day.

-Sincearly,
StenGameMaster