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Charlie… yes… this is what I wanted… this is far better than any words I could have said… do you understand me now?
🍂 🍂 🍂
Oh my God. Nick. Did he… Did that… Fuck… Nick just kissed me. What?
“Um…”
I thought he was mad. He left. He didn’t text me. And now he’s kissing me again. I’m so confused. He’s sending so many mixed signals.
“God… I’m so sorry.”
He’s apologising? I thought I was the one who had to say sorry. I should say something.
“I…”
You, what? He’s silent again. God, he looks like he’s going to pass out. Yes, good idea. Sit down. I should ask him if he’s ok. Why can’t I say anything?
“I’m just so sorry I ran away last night…”
Yeah, that was shit. But you’re here now.
“… I was just freaking out because, uh…”
I saw you freak out. I would have helped you though.
“… I was confused, and surprised, and, like, honestly…”
I was surprised too. I never thought you’d kiss me.
“… I’m having a proper, full on, gay crisis.”
Oh shit. You really are. Don’t do it. Don’t spiral. It doesn’t matter. Just don’t get in your head.
“And it’s not that I didn’t want to… you know… kiss you…”
You wanted to kiss me? I didn’t pressure you to? Shit Nick.
“… I just… I was just so confused.”
I get that. I’ve been there. It’s ok. I was with you last night. I could see you were freaked out.
“…I’ve just been so, so confused.”
My God, Nick. Don’t be so sad. It’s not as bad as what you’re thinking it will be. Here, let me help you. Please let me help you.
“I just think I need some time to… figure this out.”
Of course. Take all the time you need. I’m here for you. Whatever you need. You’re amazing for even getting this far. Look at you. You’re here. With me. Talking to me. You freaked out, yes, but you’re not running anymore. It’s a journey. And you’ve started. I really care about you, whether you’re gay or not. We can figure that out together. Or you can do it on your own. You just tell me what you need. I’ll be here for you.
Why can’t I say any of this to him? I guess it’s probably better I don’t. I don’t want to overwhelm him more than he already is. He looks like he’s going to be sick.
Oh my God. Come here. Hugs are a good start. Hugs are always a good start. I’m here for you Nick. I’ll always be here for you. As long as you need.
This is certainly not how I imagined this morning would go.
🍂 🍂 🍂
”At school… is it ok if we, like…”
Here we go…
“Keep this a secret?”
Shit.
“Yeah.”
I mean, I get it… I was kinda expecting it… but shit… I didn’t expect that to sting so bad.
“I just don’t really know if I can, uh…”
At least he looks kind of bad about it. Unless that’s just him being confused. Shit.
”you know… come out as anything.”
“Yeah.”
Shit.
“Yeah, it’s fine.”
Smile. Pretend to be ok. This is Nick’s moment. He’s figuring this out. Be supportive. He needs you to be supportive… He needs an umbrella.
Seriously Nick, how did you get all the way here and not realise it was raining. Idiot!
Although, the rain looks good on him. Maybe I shouldn’t have given him the umbrella. No. Stop it, Charlie. You can’t do that while he’s confused. Smile and say goodbye.
“Bye.”
See, that wasn’t hard.
“Bye.”
Fuck, I’m going to miss him. He kissed me last night, but he was scared. He kissed me just now, but he’s confused. Wow. That rain is really coming down… Mum will kill me… I don’t care. He needs a happy kiss. I need a happy kiss. He can’t hate me for that can he?
“Nick!”
Gee, how did he get so far already. Will I fit under the umbrella? I don’t care.
“Hi.”
God, he’s cute.
“Hi.”
“Did I forget something?”
Ha! Yes, yes you did! Perfect! There’s no one around!
“Um… yeah.”
