Chapter Text
Sat in front of the TV with Chara, Frisk mindlessely watched the show they insisted on watching with them.
Something about a talking frog and her friends. It might have been French, they think.
“I wish we could get a cat,” said Chara, “Albeit not one like him.” they added, smiling, referring to a character on-screen.
Frisk stopped watching for a moment, turning to look at them in a “Well we could.” kind of manner.
Chara looked back at them, then laughed. "I don't know if that's a good idea."
"Why not? Cats are cute" said Frisk, turning their head back to the TV.
They laughed again. "I wouldn’t even be able to pet it without your help . Aaand I'm pretty sure dad is allergic."
Frisk frowned at that thought. It wasn't like Toriel let Asgore visit them at their house that often anyway.
“We also have this weird white dog that shows up from time to times, I pretty sure he’s kind off ours by now??? So Mom already has an animal to take care off. Two, if you count Sans.”
Frisk smiled and nodded in agreement, and the two children went back to watching TV for a few more minutes.
“Um…”
"What is it, Frisk?" asked Chara as they turned to face them.
"Are you...okay?," said Frisk.
Chara tilted their head curiously. "...What do you mean?"
Frisk glanced around the room. Their eyes landed on a framed picture of of the Dreemurs hanging on the wall across from them. The frame had been changed, but it was without a doubt the picture in Chara and Asriel’s old room. Frisk took a deep breath before saying, "About what we talked about two days ago."
"...”
"You’re not angry at me?"
Chara shook their head. "No. I never was, Frisk. I just needed to be alone yesterday.”
“So are we still going tonight?” they signed.
Chara frowned. "Oh...right. Yeah."
Frisk could notice the hesitation and apprehension in their voice.
“And if at some point you feel like you can’t, we can just go back home and try again another time. There’s nothing wrong in not being ready.”
Frisk gave a little smile.
After a moment of silence, Chara sighed. “Alright. Thank you. I’m…glad you’re here. As annoying as you are.”
Chara wasn’t expecting the pillow Frisk threw at their face, but wasn’t too bothered by it, considering it went right throught them.
“Shuddup.” said Frisk, laughing. Chara laughed back, until the front door opened and Sans walked in.
"Uh, hey, Frisk," he said, looking at them.
Frisk waved in his direction, getting up off the couch.
Sans approached them and stood near the TV stand. "Talking to yourself again, lil weirdo?"
"Huh?” Frisk shook their head vigorously.They paused and nodded, starting to sign. "I mean…yeah, but...that's not weird, right?"
Sans chuckled. "If I ever meet your birth parents, I'll tell them what a wonderful child you are."
"Is that sarcasm?" Pouted Frisk.
"Maybe a little bit," admitted Sans, grinning. "Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something important. Toriel sent me," he said.
"Toriel?" said Frisk, surprised. They tilted their head to the side.
"Well," said Sans, "She wants to go out to dinner tonight. Her, Asgore and you. She said she uh, wanted to make an effort,
since you've been talking about wanting to be able to see them both at the same time."
Frisk froze. ‘Wait, what?’ they thought.
"Yep," said Sans, nodding.
"What?! Why?!" said Frisk, starting to panic. "We're busy, we have plans-"
"C’mon, what can an 8 year old have to do that’s more important than a awkward evening with their mom and the ex that she’s been avoiding for a whole century?” joked Sans, “Besides, aren’t you supposed to be free for the rest of the month?”
But not tonight. Tonight, they were supposed to go back there with Chara. But of course, they couldn't tell Sans that. They needed to find an excuse to not go.
"I uh...can't go." Said Frisk.
"Why not?" asked Sans, raising an non-existant eyebrow.
"Well..." Frisk trailed off, not knowing where to start. They tried to think of a reason why they shouldn't go, but eventually gave up.
"I have somewhere to go tonight." In the end, maybe they were better off not lying. It was likely Sans would figure it out anyway.
"Where's that?" asked Sans.
"Secret." simply answerd the child.
"Sounds interesting," said Sans, giving them a wink. "Anyway, I’m not going to question you too much, I think Toriel will understand." He patted Frisk on the shoulder. "Just remember, no matter what happens, you have to come home safe, okay? Even I’m afraid of what your mother might do to me if I don’t keep an eyesocket on ya."
Frisk’s only response was a thumbs up, which seemed enough for the skeleton.
"Good," he said, opening the door and stepping outside. "See you later."
As soon as he left, Frisk slumped onto the couch. "Darn..."
"Hey, Frisk," said Chara. "What's wrong?"
Frisk raised their hand to cover their mouth. "Oh, uh...nothing, I'm fine."
"You don't sound fine," said Chara. "And you don't look fine.”
"I just...feel bad about lying to everyone..." admitted Frisk, looking down.
"About me?" asked Chara.
Frisk hesitated but didn't answer.
Chara sighed. "Okay. I guess I can't blame you for that. But we don’t really have a choice… "
Frisk hung their head. "I know. I just...I hate doing this to them."
"They'll understand in time."
"I hope so," signed Frisk, sighing deeply.
***
After preparing their backpack and putting on their shoes, Frisk left the house, Chara following closely, floating beside them. The day was well into the evening, but the two kids knew where they were going. Back to the center of Chara's old village. Or, what was left of it, at least. After more than a hundred years, it became nothing more than an unhinabited part of a large city.
Their walk through the city was mostly spent in silence. As they approached the edge of town, they slowed their pace.
"Should we be worried about walking through?" asked Chara.
"I doubt anyone's lived here in a long time," answered Frisk, casting a glance over their shoulder.
"Maybe you’re right."
They continued towards the outskirts of town, passing by several abandoned homes and shops.
Frisk and Chara kept their heads low and hurried past them, careful not to make too much noise.
They continued walking for a while, until they reached the place where it happened. Chara had stopped following Frisk and was standing behind, not willing to go any further.
"You okay?" signed Frisk with their hands. But there was no response from their ghost friend.
Frisk turned back around, to the large bach of golden flowers. After 150 years, these flowers were still here. Frisk already learned how sturdy these flowers were, but that was surpassing any expectations.
"So this is where..." Frisk started.
They looked back towards Chara, who was still behind them, unmoving. "This is where...he died?"
Chara remained silent. They slowly turned their back to the flowers and to their sibling and lowered their head, hiding their face behind their hair.
"I never should have come up with that stupid plan."
Chara's voice broke through the silence, soft but firm. "I didn't mean for it to happen."
Frisk didn't know what to answer. They knew they didn't want Chara to feel like that, but what could they even say? What words would make it better? Nothing. That was the truth.
"Do...you want to come a bit closer?"
"I-I..don't know if I can, Frisk." Chara answered, voice almost cracking. It was clear that they were doing their best to stay composed.
Frisk nodded. They stepped over a small pile of dirt and moved towards the flowers. They placed a hand on the nearest flower. It was thick and heavy.
The petals were golden yellow, and there were a few dead leaves mixed in. Frisk brushed a few more off with their other hand, then reached into their pocket and pulled out Chara's old gardening dagger, which they used to uproot the flower and put it inside their backpack.
Then they gently got up from the ground, careful not to step on any flowers and returned the dagger to its holster.
Once they were done, Frisk started walking back toward Chara. "Done."
"Let's get out of here. I...I don't think I can stay a second longer." said Chara, laughing nervously, letting Frisk lead the way.
But as they were leaving, Chara turned around. Towards the flowers. Towards the scene. Towards where their brother died. Instantly, Chara's breathing got heavier, faster. But they didn't have lungs, so how? Their vision didn't work anymore and they could only see him and the pain and the bullets and the screams, and their torso felt like it was being torn off their body, their heart stung and they couldn't, they couldn't, they JUST COULDN'T-
"CHARA!!" shouted Frisk, through tears.
From the corners of their blurry vision, Chara could see the figure of their sibling, their shortness of breath, and the panic on their face, reflecting their own.
It wasn't the first time this happened. Since they shared a soul, they had grown used to sharing physical sensations.
But it was always so scary when one of them had a nightmare, or a panic attack.
Chara squeezed their eyes shut, trying to control their breathing. It helped, for a brief moment. But as they took a deep breath, they saw the flowers again.
And the holes in his chest.
And the dust. And the screaming.
And all of the things that were killing him.
"Frisk...I-I..." uttered Chara, clutching their head in their arms.
"Please try to calm down!!", signed Frisk with their hands, frantically.
"I CAN'T! I NEED TO GET BACK HOME!" shouted Chara, shaking their head violently.
Frisk started running, but they were no match for Chara's speed. After a few seconds, Frisk fell to their knees.
Chara kept moving, faster and faster, and Frisk tried desperately to keep up. But they were falling behind.
Chara phased through the house door, gasping for air and not waiting for their friend to catch them. They collapsed on the floor of Frisk's room, and they didn't move another inch.
Frisk was crying, sobbing, but still trying to catch up. Eventually, they reached home. It seemed like they were about to pass out. But they couldn't let go. They couldn't stop running.
***
Frisk rushed into the house, not bothering to close the door behind them.
"Chara?" they called out in their head, turning to the side.
But they didn't find their ghost sibling in the living room. What they found instead was Toriel and Asgore, standing in the middle of the room, with Sans lazily seated at the dining table.
"Frisk?" said Toriel, "Are you alright?" she said, rushing over to Frisk and pulling them into a hug.
Frisk simply nodded, trying to steady their breathing.
"Is something the matter?" asked Asgore, leaning down to look Frisk in the eye.
Frisk shook their head quickly. "I just need to go to my room." Frisk signed.
Toriel frowned, worry clear on her face. "Alright, but we have to talk about this later. Please rest well, my child."
Asgore nodded in agreement, and Frisk rushed towards the stairs, where they went to their room and closed the door behind themself.
They leaned against the door, resting their head on it. "That was terrifying," they thought, between breaths.
However, their attention was quickly focused on their friend, still on the ground.
"Chara, are you okay?" asked Frisk, kneeling in front of Chara's frame. They reached out to touch their shoulder, but their hand passed right through.
"Chara?" they repeated, reaching out again.
But Chara didn't respond. They just laid there, unmoving, breathing heavily, chest heaving, and looking as shaken as before, if only a bit quieter. Frisk leaned in closer, trying to hear their thoughts. But it was like they weren't there.
Chara moved to clutch their knees in their arms, forming a trembling ball. They began rocking back and forth, in an attempt to calm themself.
Frisk sat down next to Chara. "It's okay," said Frisk, in the same way they always did when they comforted Chara after a nightmare. "I'm here."
"No," whispered Chara, in a barely audible whisper. "It's not."
Frisk went silent, before coming up with an idea. "Do you think you would want to drink some hot cocoa? I could let you possess me."
Chara slowly nodded.
***
The warmth of the hot chocolate brought relief to Chara's tired mind. They were still shaking and silent, but the beverage helped them calm down a bit. They slowly opened their eyes and looked around. This was the first time they ever drank hot chocolate in Frisk's body, given that they usually taste things *through* them, and it actually tasted good. It's been so long.
Chara scanned the room by reflex, looking around for Frisk.
"I'm in your head, dumdum." Their sibling's voice rang through their mind. Oh, right.
"You better?" Frisk's voice echoed through Chara's (Frisk's, actually) brain.
Chara took another sip and a few more seconds to answer.
"I don't know." Were the only words that came to their mind. They felt pathetic for not even being able to tell how they were feeling. But they felt even worse for having to rely on their younger sibling once again, and not even being able to give them answers to their simple question.
"It's fine if you don't know. I don't know how I'm feeling a lot of the time. You don't have to feel bad."
"But I feel so USELESS like this! I...I'm the oldest, I'm supposed to help you, to protect you, yet these past few days you're the one that's been helping me! I'm tired of needing help, why can't I help people?!" Chara shouted without realizing it.
Covering their mouth, Chara tried fighting the tears forming at the corner of their eyes. This wasn't going to happen. Not again.
Their attempt was interrupted by a succession of rapid knocks at the door. The person knocking did not wait for a response, however, and Toriel's frame entered the room, a concerned look on her face.
"Is everything okay my child? I heard screaming."
"M...mom..."
The woman froze. For a moment, she thought she heard their voice. But it couldn't be. She had no choice but to accept that. She was old now, and her mind was probably playing tricks on her.
She carefully approached the bed, shaking the thought from her head. "Frisk, dear, are you okay?"
Ah. Right. Chara wasn't the one she was worried about. They felt foolish to have forgotten that, even just for a few seconds. As the feeling sunk into their chest, Chara was forced to remember that after all, Frisk is the one Toriel sees, and it's not like she knew Chara was even here, so...
"I just had a nightmare. I was napping." signed Chara. They heard Frisk ask them if they wanted to switch back, but...
Maybe it was easier to pretend to be them for now. Or maybe they just wanted...
Toriel sat on the bed next to them.
"You look pretty shaken up by it...would you like to talk about it?" Her question was answered by a rapid shake of the head.
As Chara turned their head, trying to avoid Toriel's eyes, they felt her arms wrapping around them, gently pulling them into a hug. She placed one of her hands on their head, slowly stroking their hair.
Their body relaxed, if only a little.
"It's okay, dear," she cooed, "everything is going to be okay. There is no need to cry anymore..."
Cry..? But...they weren't crying. There's no way there were, because...big kids don't cry. And they weren't a baby anymore. But then...why? Why were their cheeks so wet, and their eyes so blurry?
Why was their nose running, and why were they gasping for air?
And why weren't they as scared as they thought they would be?
Why?
...
Hugging their mother tighter, Chara stopped thinking. Maybe. Maybe it can be okay.