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Ugh, Atsushi-kun! Why did you have to save me?! I was so close to convincing that lovely woman to do an artful joint-suicide with me until you came along and ruined everything with your benign heroics!” Osamu Dazai whined petulantly, as he leaned tiredly against Atsushi’s body for support, the two of them walking slowly forward like a set of drunkards. “Now I not only have to deal with the eternal torment of life for another day, but also the sensation of wet clothes for who knows how long now!”
Irritation flooded through Atsushi Nakajima at the man’s complaints. There were a lot of things the white-haired man could’ve said to all of that. For example, he could’ve pointed out that Dazai’s interpretation of the scene was a very generous one.
That the woman Dazai claimed he was so close to convincing to jump into the ocean with him for a joint suicide had not looked like she was tempted to do so, but instead awkward and stricken, as if she wasn’t sure whether she should do something or not. And judging by the group of people who had gathered almost protectively around her, Atsushi could take a guess at the scene that had played out beforehand. That Dazai had been chatting the poor woman up, probably sweet-talking her, before suddenly going on a mad tangent about how they were destined to die together and trying to grab her hand and pull her into the ocean with him before he jumped. Luckily, it seemed she either pulled free or someone had pulled her away just in time so that Dazai lost his grip, leaving him desperately squalling in the ocean for her to follow suit.
In retrospect, Atsushi wished he had taken at least a few minutes of time to apologize to the woman for Dazai no doubt ruining her day, but to be fair, taking Dazai out of her range was probably more generous than any words would be.
He could point out that he was also dripping wet and cold and also dealing with the uncomfortable sensation of his clothes clinging to his skin because he had to jump in and save Dazai from drowning and making a fool of himself for much longer. He still had the taste of salt in his mouth from the ocean water that had gotten in his mouth when Dazai had tried to fight being saved.
He could mention the fact that he was only there because he had been a few minutes late to work, and as punishment, Kunikida had put him on Dazai scouting mission because Dazai had once again not shown up and that this was just a mere punishment for tardiness and that if Atsushi had to suffer, so should Dazai.
He could point out that Dazai should be a little more grateful. That he had not only risked his own life to save Dazai’s, but that he was practically carrying Dazai the whole way home all while Dazai whined loudly and caused a commotion, drawing strange looks from passing pedestrians at what was going on before them. If Kunikida was the one in his position, he would’ve not only yelled at Dazai but he would’ve made him walk, shaking off any attempts the brown-haired man made at trying to cling onto him.
He could even point out the irony of Dazai encouraging him to live his life despite the hardships and yet his mentor not wanting to do the same for his own life, and that Dazai should follow his own advice.
But he didn’t point any of that out, knowing his words would simply fall on his deaf ears or that he would get trapped in some sort of stupid verbal game that would leave him confused and Dazai snickering. And while seeking Dazai and saving him from his umpteenth million suicide attempt was obnoxious and even at times emotionally exhausting, Atsushi couldn’t help but still feel worried and feel the need to intervene. If Dazai actually managed to succeed at one of his attempts one day, Atsushi would feel shattered and despite how indifferent the other Armed Detective Agency members acted about Dazai’s suicide attempts, he knew they felt the same. He felt the fact that there were even Dazai scout missions proved they cared somewhat about the man’s well-being in the end, even if they refused to show it.
And while Dazai obviously seemed fine enough, seeing as he was able to complain so boldly, the fact he was leaning on Atsushi for support did have the man-tiger at least a little concerned. Sure it could be Dazai being lazy, but God only knows how long Dazai had been in that cold water. His mentor could be exhausted at this point, and trying his best to pretend he wasn’t. If that was the case, it would be morally wrong for him to shake Dazai off in Atsushi’s opinion so he decided to just carry the rest of the way until the other man either got bored of their agonizingly slow pace or felt strong enough to walk on his own.
So he decided to just stew in his annoyance and worry and not say anything. He would leave the lecture and punishment to Kunikida. He just glared ahead to show Dazai he was not in the mood.
Unfortunately for him though, it seemed Dazai was content with talking to nobody as he ranted and raved for another few minutes, seemingly unaware of the people around them.
Luckily, the Armed Detective Agency had made Atsushi less self-conscious about being the center of public spectacle. Hopefully anyone who saw them passing by would just think Atsushi was a man carrying a completely inebriated companion back home and not think much else of it.
Atsushi had mostly succeeded in tuning the other man out when suddenly Dazai said a comment that caught his attention.
“Well, as annoyed as I am Atsushi-kun, I guess I will forgive you this one time seeing as it is your birthday and all…”
Wait… what?
It took Atsushi’s mind a moment to even register what Dazai had even said and another moment to question whether he had even heard the man right. But what else could’ve he had mistaken the word birthday for? And while Dazai did take glee from tormenting people, that seemed like a strange angle to go about getting a reaction.
Was it really…?
Atsushi suddenly stopped dead in his tracks and dug in his pants pockets for his phone. Ignoring Dazai’s new whines about them abruptly stopping, he pulled it out and checked the date, noting with surprise that it was indeed May 6th, his birthday.
Dazai, nosy as ever, glanced over Atsushi’s shoulder at his phone screen, curiously saying, “What are you looking at-”
Atsushi quickly tried to close his phone before Dazai could see anything and find anything to mock or draw conclusions from, but it was too late. Dazai had clearly seen his blank home screen and despite how water-logged and cold and tired he was, his mentor’s brain quickly managed to figure out what Atsushi had been doing.
“Wait, did you not even know it was your own birthday, Atsushi-kun?” Dazai asked in wonder, his eyes going wide.
Atsushi felt weirdly put on the spot now and dumb. Facing heating up, he quickly began to panic, saying, “N-no, of course I knew it was my birthday, I just uh was checking the time and uh-”
Atsushi realized his panicked babbling was only proving Dazai’s theory correct so he quickly deflected with something else that just came to his mind. “Wait, how did you even know it was my birthday?! I didn’t tell anyone but President Fukuzawa that information…”
At least as far as he knew he had. Maybe Dazai remembered it from an old record or something when he and Dazai and Kunikida had first met…
“You don’t get into a detective agency if you don’t know how to sleuth a bit, Atsushi-kun,” Dazai said vaguely, which caused Atsushi to squint. Why couldn’t the man ever just give a clear-cut answer? Why did he always have to be so mysterious? For all Atsushi knew, Dazai could’ve somehow gotten the answer using his skills from his mysterious past job he refused to elaborate on, or had just managed to glean it somehow through some stupid contrived method. Either way, it didn’t seem that the man was going to cough up the knowledge.
Then suddenly, Dazai changed topics, jovially saying, “Well now that you’ve been reminded that it is your birthday by dear old me, what are you gonna do? Go drinking? Throw a party? Find a partner and have a romp in the bedsheets?” His mentor waggled his eyebrows suggestively at the last idea, which made Atsushi reconsider his stance on shoving him away again.
“No,” Atsushi said curtly, giving Dazai a dirty look. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and began continuing their journey. Shaking his head, he said, “I don’t celebrate my birthday and even if I did I would not do any of those things-”
“Eh?!” Dazai suddenly cried out in shock, not seeming to care he interrupted Atsushi mid-sentence. “Atsushi-kun you don’t celebrate your birthday?”
Atsushi felt his face heating up even more for some reason. He didn’t know why Dazai pointing out these facts and making such a huge deal out of it flustered him so much but it did. Maybe it was just because it was making a mountain out of a molehill? Or maybe it was because he knew having birthdays was something normal people who had regular lives did and that his noncelebration was a weird deviation from the norm and having it pointed out was just uncomfortable-
Suddenly feeling the need to explain himself somewhat, but also trying to be laissez-faire about the whole thing, Atsushi said, “The orphanage I was from didn’t really celebrate birthdays. In a practical sense, there were too many kids there for them to dedicate anything special for anyone’s birthday, especially with funding being so low.” Then darkly remembering his headmasters, he added, “Even if they did have the funding, I doubt anyone there would’ve taken the time to celebrate birthdays of all things.”
Birthdays were something human beings who were actually wanted could have. Not forgotten faceless trash like them. That’s what they would say.
But he couldn’t think of that place long or else the scars on his body would start to ache again and all the bad and sad memories would come washing in and spoil the rest of the day-
Continuing on, Atsushi said with a shrug, “At a certain point, your birthday just becomes another day to you and you don’t think much of it.”
And even though it had been a while since he was under the rule of the orphanage and its headmasters, Atsushi still carried some of the ideology of that place with him.
Trying to give Dazai a reassuring smile, he said, “So I wouldn’t tell anyone at the agency it's my birthday or anything, it’s just another day as far as they need to know. I thank you for remembering it but I think I’d be more embarrassed than anything if people actually took time out of their day to celebrate and make a big deal of it. Let’s just keep this a private secret between you and I, okay?”
For a moment, Dazai was actually silent. Glancing over, Atsushi saw that the taller man had a look of thoughtfulness on his face. It almost made Atsushi nervous in a way, as if he was about to get suddenly locked into something when suddenly Dazai nodded and said, “I suppose I see your point. I admit, I myself was in a similar situation. Maybe not exactly with an overbearing orphanage but…” Dazai trailed off. Atsushi couldn’t help but feel disappointed whenever Dazai seemed like he was going to hand out a morsel of information about his past life, but instead all he gave was a crumb. He wasn’t able to linger on his disappointment for long however, as Dazai continued, “Alright, I will not tell anyone it is your birthday, Atsushi-kun.”
Atsushi nodded appreciatively, a feeling of relief flowing through him. Oh good, it seemed Dazai was willing to be agreeable for once-
“However…” Dazai began and Atsushi immediately groaned, all relief in his body dropping. He should’ve known Dazai wouldn’t let it go just like that. The man was manipulative to the core, always stringing people into doing something stupid for him.
He was about to protest when Dazai suddenly dug into the pocket of his own trench coat and pulled out his wallet. How the man hadn’t lost the thing during his dip in the ocean, Atsushi didn’t know but it seemed the thing was still intact, albeit a bit wet.
Atsushi had to admit, he was at least curious where this was going. He opened his mouth to question, when suddenly Dazai opened the wallet and fished out what appeared to be a red credit card.
Then, actually ignoring Atsushi’s protests at this point, Dazai gently shoved the card into Atsushi’s hand.
Atsushi immediately tried to hand it back, saying, “Dazai what are you doing giving me a credit card? I can’t take this and-”
Dazai pushed back though saying, “If you want your birthday kept a secret, my one and only requirement is that, even if it is by yourself, you buy or do something nice for yourself on this day.” Then sternly, he added, “And now that you have my card, you can’t use a lack of funds as an excuse.”
Atsushi’s mind was already whirring. He couldn’t use Dazai’s money. That wasn’t right. Dazai had earned his money somehow, someway and it would be wrong of Atsushi to use it even under the man’s insistence.
Perhaps he thought he should…
“Oh and I will be checking to see if the card was used at some point, so don’t be thinking you can just hold onto my card and not use it.” Dazai said, with a smug smile as if he had known that was exactly what Atsushi was considering. Atsushi nearly growled.
“But Dazai I-” Atsushi tried once more.
“Go and splurge. I would prefer you buy something a bit pricer on your birthday but I would be fine with something cheaper as long as you spend more than 700 yen,” Dazai said, raising a finger as he named his terms. “You can return the card to me tomorrow morning at the Agency.”
Atsushi finally just let out a sigh of defeat, a feeling of weariness that always followed conversations with Dazai suddenly coming over him. Throwing Dazai a tired look, he said, “You’re really not going to give up on this are you-”
“Nope!” Dazai chirped cheerily, as if he wasn’t the devil incarnate.
Atsushi sighed and much to his chagrin, pocketed the card into his own pocket. There was no winning with Dazai it seemed.
He then suddenly felt a sharp kick to his shin as Dazai suddenly demanded, “Now hurry up Atsushi and take me to the agency, Atsushi. I’m starting to get hungry. Not dying does that to a stomach-”
The rest of his shift at the Armed Detective Agency was simple and unexciting. Nothing super unusual and and dangerous occured that the whole Armed Detective Agency had to get involved with, and what few small missions they did get that day Fukuzawa seemed deadset to assigning to other people.
Hell, Atsushi had even volunteered to go with Ranpo on a small detective mission, hoping that the case would be a whole day affair and he could use work as an excuse for why he didn’t do Dazai’s stupid birthday mission. But Fukuzawa had unfortunately refused, citing that he wanted at least one physical fighter at the Agency to protect it should the building come under attack and had let Poe of all people accompany Ranpo instead. Poe wasn’t even a member of the Armed Detective Agency!
So the whole rest of the day, Atsushi had no choice but to help with paperwork and organizing.
Since he had basically nothing else to do but to think, Atsushi tried to figure out a way around Dazai’s little plan. It seemed that he was doomed to spend money no matter what, but maybe he could do this in a way that undermined Dazai’s ultimate goal.
Perhaps he could donate to charity. There were no doubt countless causes in Yokohama that could do with a little bit of extra funding and that would be a rather selfless thing to do…
Or maybe he could buy him and Kyouka some crepes. That was a good cheat. The crepes weren’t the most expensive desserts in Yokohama, but they were definitely pricier than Atsushi would justify for a small sweet under his tight budget. If he did that, he would have a tasty snack, Kyouka would be happy, and he would technically manage to skirt by Dazai’s stupid deal without having spent a ton of money.
Maybe he would even just buy something for the Agency itself. Kunikida and Yosano were always complaining that the printer jammed up too easily to Fukuzawa, who didn’t seem to take their complaints too seriously. Maybe he could buy a new printer for the Agency and it would not be for him, but it would still be using the money for good and he could feed Dazai an excuse about how the printer annoyed him too and-
But as tempting as all those options were to Atsushi, he knew in the end he couldn’t bring himself to do it. As infuriating as Dazai’s little deal was, the man was actually being somewhat nice, he grudgingly acknowledged, by giving them this opportunity, and the idea of taking that opportunity and purposely trying to undermine him just seemed morally wrong.
So, by the end, having finally accepted the fact that he wasn’t going to play the role of manipulative mastermind, he was left wandering around the city of Yokohama, trying to figure out exactly what he was going to spend his money on.
The crepe offer was still there, but Atsushi himself didn’t even particularly care for crepes. Maybe he could try a dessert he actually liked and share it with Kyouka? But try as he might, he couldn't think of a sweet he cared enough to splurge another person’s money on, and he didn’t even know when Kyouka would be back home, as her and Lucy had decided to do some weird tea party thing in Lucy’s mind palace.
Perhaps he should buy groceries? Food was always something good to buy and this was the opportunity to get something new…
Unfortunately though, he and Kyouka had already gone grocery shopping two days ago, so they still had everything they needed food-wise and he didn’t really have the fridge or cabinet space to stock up on even more food. And to be honest, ever since he had accidentally bumped into Akutagawa at the grocery store that one time, he had subconsciously started to avoid that place as much as possible in fear of such an awkward encounter happening again. So that idea was a bust.
Maybe he could buy a present for himself like Dazai had suggested. But try as he might, nothing came to mind on what to buy. Living in the orphanage had made him accustomed to living a rather Spartan lifestyle, where trinkets and other items just seemed like superfluous wastes of money than actual desirable items.
Perhaps he should go clothes shopping. His work uniform was always getting torn up from the scraps his job made him go through- but wait, Fukuzawa, the person who ordered the clothes went home-
As he was turning all of his options over in his brain, suddenly his eyes caught on a familiar sight.
A two story white-bricked building with a black roof with a large sign displaying a basket with a tomato and baguette and the words 'Venetian Flavors’ written in fancy kanji.
Suddenly, inspiration struck Atsushi.
He had eyed the place for a while. He had actually never been to a Western style restaurant before and while he had had Italian food before, it had been a long long time ago when a charity had visited the orphanage and brought them food and he barely remembered it.
The place had caught his eye the couple of times he had passed by it on his way to missions, but he knew from the local talk it was a fancier restaurant and when he had seen the prices listed on the menu they had outside, he had deemed it too pricey for him to indulge in. Not until he managed to gather up enough savings at least…
But now that he had a deal to finish off and no finances to worry about…
Suddenly, the choice seemed obvious. This perfectly met Dazai’s qualifications. It was food, which was something Atsushi always enjoyed. It was a new experience, and a rather pricey one too that Atushsi was indulging in… but not so ridiculously expensive that he was taking advantage of a friend.
Mind made up, Atsushi made his way towards the building, eagerness suddenly coming over him.
As he walked forward, his mind trying to figure out whether or not his work uniform was professional enough for this place, he suddenly noticed a figure who’d been approaching the door with him suddenly stopped.
Briefly wondering if he had accidentally cut in front of someone’s way, he paused and looked up to quickly apologize and let the other person through first.
“I am so sorry, you can go ahe-”
His words stopped immediately when he saw who the person he was talking to was.
Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, the Black-Fanged Hellhound of the Port Mafia himself, was staring at him frozen and wide-eyed.
For a moment, Atsushi almost thought he was mistaken. This couldn’t be Akutagawa Ryuunosuke. After all, his limbs were still intact and there wasn’t a horrible black monster coming for him right now. Hell, this man in front of him was wearing entirely different attire with a long black chic coat and frameless sunglasses.
But as he saw the snow-white tips that lined the man’s hair and the dark, black-hole eyes that the other man had behind tinted sunglasses, he realized with sickening clarity that this was indeed Akutagawa Ryuunosuke, his mortal enemy. The dust in his eye, the stone in his shoe, and all of that jazz.
For a moment, neither man moved, standing stiff and awkward, like two alley cats about to square up during a fight but neither wanting to make the first move. If Atsushi had his tail out, he knew it would be stiff right now, the tail tip twitching. The tiger inside of him was telling him to be wary. It seemed even a predator knew when to recognize the power of another predator.
Then, as if the spell was broken, both men talked at once, roughly demanding, “What are you doing here?”
“What am I doing here?” Akutagawa sniffed, his haughty voice full of disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe Atsushi could ask such a stupid question. The shock and surprise that had been in Akutagawa’s wide eyes had disappeared, and was instead replaced with cold hatred and contempt, which Atsushi was more used to with the man. “I came here to eat. What else do you do at a restaurant?”
He let out a small cough. Seemingly the tightness and anger that was taking hold of his voice was a bit too much for his lungs, but the man quickly played it off. Giving Atsushi a suspicious glance, he continued, “I should be the one asking such a question. After all, this place seems a little too, well, upper-end for an animal such as yourself, jinko.”
Atsushi felt a flash of indignation and anger shoot through him at the dark-haired man’s words. Atsushi was not easily aggravated. When you worked with coworkers like Dazai and Ranpo, you had to have a pretty high level of patience to survive the work day. But something about Akutagawa always managed to just get under his skin, and it made him want to get violent. He could feel the tiger in him flexing its claws, feeling its desire to rip its claws into soft flesh.
He could see that Akutagawa felt a similar way as while it was subtle, Atsushi could see a small smoky substance beginning to float around Akutagawa’s coat… the beginnings of Rashomon floating ominously in the air almost as if in warning. He wondered if Akutagawa was even aware he was doing it or if it was just natural instinct taking over for him.
The starts of a fight were already starting to stir in the air. Akutagawa was still technically under agreement not to kill anyone for a six month duration, but Atsushi was sure Akutagawa did his best to find loopholes for that rule. Fighting and violently maiming people - especially if one of those people was Atsushi - seemed like it would be a fair enough clause for the mafioso.
Trying to sound haughty and unbothered by Akutagawa’s verbal jabs, Atsushi said, “Well, unluckily for you, I am here to eat as well.”
“You’re lying,” Akutagawa hissed, his eyes narrowing suspiciously.
“I’m not in fact. I was about to head in there until well, you got in the way,” Atsushi said with a smirk, trying his best to put up a tough front despite how nervous he was.
The bystanders around them who were walking past didn’t seem to know the amount of danger they were in. Atsushi eyed them briefly, trying to decide if things turned violent or if he should get them out of the way. He didn’t want to spend his birthday fighting but if he had to-
He noted that Akutagawa seemed reluctant to fight as well. He imagined if the mafioso was actually out looking for one, he would’ve had his usual black trench coat that he usually used for fights. Did he feel less powerful without it? Was the man less powerful without it?
Either way, the fact Akutagawa wasn’t already violently lashing out at him and trying to have Rashomon eat him suggested to Atsushi that the man was not eager to fight publicly either.
But Akutagawa was also a killing machine so maybe Atsushi shouldn’t have any trust in him…
Suddenly, his desire to eat at this restaurant was dead. Akutagawa could have it. Atsushi would never be able to eat comfortably knowing this guy was nearby-
“Whatever. You can have it, I am leaving-” Atsushi said, turning heel only to hear Akutgawa turn around and say at the same time, “Hmph. Well enjoy the rest of your time here, I will find elsewhere-”
Both men paused in their attempts to leave, before glaring at each other hatefully, as if convinced the other man was being annoying on purpose.
“What?! You’re leaving? No. I was the one who was mature enough to leave. You need to go in there and sulk that I didn’t join in on your game!” Atsushi griped, pointing towards the door demandingly.
“No, if you want to go here so bad, you can have it. I am not going to take what few options you have here.” Akutagawa responded.
“Well if we both leave, then it’s stupid because we are both just going somewhere else instead of the place we actually want to go to-” Atsushi argued loudly.
“Well then go inside,” Akutagawa interjected with a hiss, nodding towards the door.
“No!” Atsushi protested, “Then you get the satisfaction of being the bigger person-”
Akutagawa bristled and opened his mouth to say something when suddenly the door to the restaurant swung open and a waitress dressed in a butler’s waistcoat and black slacks appeared holding two menus. She gave both of them a vaguely annoyed look and Atsushi immediately felt embarrassed, knowing that she must have heard him and Akutagawa bickering outside. Had they been that loud?
“Is there something wrong gentlemen or are you ready to come inside?” she asked. Her voice was polite, but Atsushi could hear the terseness in her tone. She wanted them to either come in and leave.
“I was uh, um-” Atsushi began awkwardly, rubbing the back of his neck with his hand and suddenly wanting to flee from the socially awkward situation he had just been placed in.
Thankfully, Akutagawa, who looked just as stiff as him, let out a small cough. Nodding towards the outdoor menu still propped outside, he told the waitress quickly, “We are still trying to decide what we want to eat. We will be in soon.”
The waitress nodded before disappearing back into the restaurant.
Suddenly, all the tension and anger of the situation had been sobered up at that moment and now Atsushi and Akutagawa just stared at each other uncomfortably. Neither wanted to yield to the other still, but it seemed their petty dispute had been put to an end by the crushing weight of social convention.
“I think… we are both going to have to go inside the building,” Atsushi said grudgingly. He didn’t want to say that. In fact, he wanted to turn back time right now to a few seconds ago, before his pride stopped him, and let Akutagawa be the one to walk off and just tried to enjoy his meal in privacy. How was he supposed to enjoy a birthday dinner knowing that this freak was in the premises?
But unfortunately, the idea of leaving also seemed just as emotionally draining.
Trying his best to compromise, Atsushi said, “We will just ask to sit at opposite ends of the restaurant.”
Akutagawa was quiet for a moment, and Atsushi sensed he agreed with his sentiment, but was just too prideful to admit Atsushi was right. But then finally the other man spoke, “Would we really be able to sit comfortably knowing the other person is in the building with us?”
No… Atsushi wouldn’t. He would always be nervous and trying to seek out Akutagawa from the crowd, trying to make sure he wasn’t doing something underhanded or fucked up. He didn’t trust Akutagawa at all and loathe as he was to admit it, he knew Akutagawa felt the same about him.
“Probably not,” Atsushi admitted finally. Then giving Akutagawa a look he said, “Well then what do you suggest we-”
Suddenly the waitress from before came out and said, “Are you two gentlemen ready? We have prepared a table for the two of you-”
Panic suddenly took over both Akutagawa and Atsushi simultaneously.
Trying to think quick, Atsushi decided to ride on Akutagawa’s lie from earlier, saying, “Uh, we are still trying to decide what to eat-”
“Oh well, don’t worry, there are menus in the building as well that you can decide on,” the waitress said without mercy, waving the menus she had in her hand out to both of them. Then gesturing for both of them to follow, she said “Now come along before there are no more seats left.”
Panic took over Atsushi and for a moment, he considered changing his mind and actually fleeing before it was too late. But his earlier conviction found his feet and suddenly both he and Akutagawa were both following after the waitress, both stiff with awkwardness.
Under normal circumstances, Atsushi would’ve taken in the dark atmosphere and neat decorations of the restaurant, but he was too focused on just trying not to die from embarrassment to really take in the ambience.
As they walked, Akutagawa took off his sunglasses and glared at him and hissed, “Idiot. Why didn’t you just say we weren’t together?”
Admittedly, that was a good point but Atsushi wasn’t willing to admit it. “Shut up okay?! I panicked. Besides, I didn’t hear you saying anything-”
Akutagawa just growled and before they knew it, the waitress was gesturing at a small table with a dark green tablecloth and two plates. The two of them stiffly sat down across from each other and she handed them their menus, saying, “I will be back to take your drink orders in a moment-”
Then with that, she whisked away, leaving the two of them sitting stiffly in their seats.
For a moment, neither one of them said anything, both of them keeping their eyes dead set on their menus but neither of them actually reading anything on there.
Then finally, Akutagawa broke the silence by turning his head petulantly and hissing, “Well, this is terrible…”
Despite it all, Atsushi couldn’t help but agree.
Giving Akutagawa a glare, he said, “Look, we can't do anything about it at this point-”
“You could die,” Akutagawa suggested.
Atsushi was finding it really hard not to flip the table on the scrawny man, but he continued, “So we might as well just try to end this as painlessly as possible, alright? We just eat our food, shut up, and go home. Deal?”
Akutagawa didn’t look up from his menu or say anything, but judging by the fact he wasn’t trying to force Atsushi to leave or arguing, Atsushi assumed he agreed.
‘Well, my birthday dinner is already ruined,’ Atsushi darkly thought, as he started to look at his own menu. ‘Might as well salvage it as best as possible and try to choose something that at least sounds good.’
The two of them remained in an awkward silence for a while, only breaking it when the waitress came to ask for their drinks -glasses of wine for both of them, as if they both agreed that the other would derisively mock them for choosing anything different - and murmuring thanks when she came to drop their drinks off.
Atsushi thought that the two of them being silent would make things easier. Akutagawa was obnoxious enough as it was with his aggressive body language and hateful glares, so it only seemed natural that taking away his caustic words and hateful comments would make things just the tiniest bit easier.
But if anything, it made everything more suffocating. Sure, they would annoy and anger each other with their words, but at least it was a way to help vent out their emotions. Now all Atsushi could do was stew in his anxiety, and not even do anything.
He tried his best not to even think about the fact that Akutagawa was here. Tried to scroll on his phone, or avoid eye contact, but his natural mistrust of Akutagawa prevented him from doing that for long. The tiger in him wanted him to keep his eyes on Akutagawa at all times, in case the other launched an ambush.
Atsushi knew it was ridiculous. If Akutagawa was going to attack him, he probably would’ve done so at this point. They seemed to be in an unspoken mutual agreement not to attack.
But inevitably, he always found his eyes getting drawn back to the other to try and see what he was doing. Every time Akutagawa typed on his phone, he wondered if the man was texting other Port Mafia members to come and try and restrain him. And judging by the few times his and Akutagawa’s eyes met before they both quickly looked away, especially when he was on his phone, he had a guess Akutgawa felt similarly about him.
‘It’s like a feral dog and a tiger are actually stuck in a cage together,’ Atsushi thought darkly.
With a mental sigh, he realized that the silence plan was not going to work for much longer. He couldn’t spend the next several minutes to an hour shifting in his seat uncomfortably. He was going to have to speak, if only a little bit.
So, after the waitress came and collected their meal, Atsushi cleared his throat, looked at Akutagawa, and said, “So do you come here often?”
It was a bit of a lame opener, but he didn’t think any conversation subject with Akutagawa would be the ‘right’ one.
Akutagawa glanced up at him questioningly, before snidely saying, “What happened to staying silent?”
“Just answer the question,” Atsushi snapped a bit, annoyance flaring.Why did Akutagawa always have to be so caustic with everything he said? Maybe he and the man could have a better rapport if the other wasn’t so prickly.
Akutagawa was silent for a moment, staring at Atsushi with his arms crossed, and for a moment Atsushi thought he was purposely staying silent to be obstinate. But finally, Akutagawa spoke, looking away and saying, “I don’t know if I should tell such information.”
Ah… he was afraid of letting loose information. He supposed that made sense for a Port Mafia member who no doubt had countless enemies but still, Atsushi couldn’t help but take offense at this information.
Giving Akutagawa an affronted look, he said, “Listen, I know we aren’t the best of friends or anything, but do you really think I would just ambush you in a public area where all sorts of people could be hurt?” He gestured to the group of people eating and chatting around them. Crossing his own arms, he said, “That is more something that you and your lot would do, I’d argue.”
Akutagawa bristled at the implication a bit but did not say anything. For a while, it seemed like Akutagawa was about to be dead set on not talking the rest of the dinner, before finally, the other man spoke again, saying, “Not very often.” Shrugging a little he said, “It’s a fine restaurant, but I can’t afford to go to it often enough for it to be a habit. Habits make you easier to find and defeat.”
Atsushi nodded slowly, surprised a bit that while on surface level, Akutagawa’s words sounded paranoid, that he even related to them somewhat. While he didn’t think he had been in the Agency long enough to collect as many enemies as Akutagawa had no doubt collected in his years in the Port Mafia, he still had to be cautious when he went out.
Yokohama had proved time and time again to be a volatile place with all sorts of lunatics and maniacs and criminals running around. Lunatics, maniacs, and criminals who all wanted the members of the Armed Detective Agency very much dead so they could continue their crime sprees undisturbed.
Atsushi knew what it was like now to always be watching your surroundings, in case anyone was acting strange or suspicious.
He knew what it felt like to always be on edge, always bracing for an attack even when everything around him was perfectly pleasant.
He remembered the President recommending similar advice to him when he first started the Armed Detective Agency - that he should always try to take different more circuitous routes home and not go to the same locations every single day and stuff in case anyone was tracking him.
When you lived as dangerous of a lifestyle as they both did, it seemed routine wasn’t something you could afford to have, at least not fully.
Atsushi nodded and murmured, “That makes sense.” He took a sip of his wine.
A few heartbeats passed of silence before Akutagawa nodded at him and continued, “I answered your question, so you answer mine from earlier. What are you doing here? I … don’t recall ever seeing you here before.”
Atsushi realized with some amusement that the man had almost a nervous quality about the way he asked that and he realized Akutagawa was worried about his observational skills. Wondering if he had been going to a location that Armed Detective Agency members frequented and he had somehow never noticed.
For a sadistic moment, Atsushi considered exploiting that anxiety and acting like this place was a location every Armed Detective Agency member frequented often, but he held off. Getting Akutagawa paranoid and anxious probably wasn’t the best idea for keeping the tentative peace between them and Akutagawa had been willing to be somewhat honest with him, so he could return the same.
“You’re right when you say that you’ve never seen me here before. This is my first time here.” Atsushi said, “I just decided to stop by here because it is my birthday.”
Atsushi didn’t know why he said that. He didn’t have to say it. He could’ve just come up with literally any other excuse on why he was here at this restaurant. Hell, he didn’t owe Akutagawa an explanation at all.
But it just seemed okay to do in this scenario, which felt strange. He was too afraid to tell his fellow Armed Detective Agency members but not his rival and enemy from the Port Mafia? How did that make any sense?
Maybe he just figured that Akutagawa wouldn’t care about the information. If the other Armed Detective Agency members knew about his birthday, they would try to make a big deal out of it - throwing a party, showering him with presents that he didn’t deserve, and all of that. It would make him the center of attention and he wasn’t sure he could handle it.
But he doubted Akutagawa would give a damn about it. The Port Mafia couldn’t really use a birthday for anything other than maybe finding out Atsushi’s age and he doubted his age was useful enough information for such an organization.
But to his surprise, Akutagawa reacted to that. The other’s eyes widened for a bit and he blinked, before slowly saying, “It’s your… birthday?”
He said the last word tentatively, as if it was the first time he ever said such a word.
“Yeah. Have you never heard of a birthday before?” Atsushi began before Akutagawa interjected.
“Of course I’ve heard of birthdays, fool,” Akutagawa snapped grouchily. “I am not an idiot.” Turning his head a bit, he just said, “I just couldn’t tell if you were joking or not.”
Atsushi scoffed in disbelief and said, “Why would I joke about that? Would it being my birthday prevent you from killing me any less? Are you going to celebrate it?”
“No, not at all,” Akutagawa said in a low, dangerous voice, giving Atsushi a warning look for even implying such a thing.
“I figured,” Atsushi said placatingly, not wanting to actually instigate a fight. “But therefore, I am not lying, I am indeed celebrating my birthday.”
Akutagawa made a noncommittal noise before looking around and saying, “Then where are the rest of your friends? Don’t people typically celebrate birthdays with other people?”
Atsushi kind of ducked his head a bit and said, “Well, er, no one else really knows it’s my birthday, except Dazai, and well, you, I guess,.” Ignoring the way Akutagawa’s eyes widened a bit at Dazai’s name like he always did, he continued. “ Normally, I don’t do anything for my birthday. Never have. The only reason I am here is because Dazai-san told me to do something for my birthday.”
“Ah, I see,” Akutagawa said, his voice tight and uncomfortable. Atsushi had a feeling the discomfort came from something about Dazai. Dazai seemed to be a touchy subject for Akutagawa for reasons Atsushi still wasn’t one hundred percent sure on. The two definitely seemed to have a history together, but both Dazai and Akutagawa were so vague about it, Atsushi had no hope of untangling that knot and he doubted any pressing would get Akutagawa to loosen it any further.
So shrugging, Atsushi said, “So yeah, under his bill, I am going out to eat, which is why I am here now.”
Again, Akutagawa seemed to shift uncomfortably. Bitterness seemed to coat his words as he said, “Dazai certainly is kind to you, isn’t he?”
Not quite sure how to respond to that, Atsushi just nodded a little and said, “Yes, I suppose he is.” Then trying to lighten the dour mood that suddenly seemed to overcome the other, he joked, “But I suppose he should be given the amount of trouble he also puts me through.”
Akutagawa didn’t respond to that, just stared blankly at his silverware.
Normally, Atsushi wouldn’t feel guilty for the man sulking, but a part of him had felt like he had hit a low blow unintentionally on the other, and he quickly tried to change the subject, if only a little, “Uh, do you celebrate birthdays here? You go somewhere else? You clearly have money so you probably go somewhere fancier right?”
Akutagawa shook his head. “No…” Then, he paused, as if he was debating whether to continue, before finally saying, “I don’t celebrate my birthday either. Never have.”
Atsushi blinked in surprise, not expecting to have a similarity with his enemy like that. He blamed this shock for him asking, “Really? You neither?”
Akutagawa shook his head and said, “Gin and I grew up in the slums. We and the other kids there were more focused on trying to find food that day and not get picked off by thugs and pimps than we were on what day it was.” Then shrugging, he added, “Even if we did know it was our birthday it wasn’t like we could do anything special even if we wanted to.”
And as much as Atsushi tried to resist it, he couldn’t resist the pang of sympathy he felt towards his own enemy at those words. It sounded like Akutagawa’s childhood was much like his in a lot of ways, and it seemed like him, Akutagawa’s past carried over a bit.
Deciding to be nosy, Atsushi prodded, “But don’t you and Gin have money now? You could afford to do birthdays.”
Akutagawa gave him a cautious look. In fact, the man was starting to look a bit embarrassed. Atsushi could take a guess the other was not used to opening up about his past at all, and was probably realizing he had said a bit more than he should. Maybe the wine was what had made him so talkative in the first place.
He thought the man was about to suddenly play the silent treatment again when he continued, “I am sure we could. But we had never celebrated before, so I suppose it was never something we cared to pick up. Our jobs keep us too busy anyhow, and birthdays aren’t really celebrated in the Mafia unless you’re an executive.”
Atsushi nodded slowly, and suddenly he realized why Akutagawa had been so uncomfortable earlier when he had mentioned Dazai had been the one to encourage Atsushi to have fun on his birthday.
‘It sounds like Dazai had never done something similar for him,’ Atsushi thought to himself.
He didn’t know what Akutagawa and Dazai’s relationship had been before during Dazai’s mystery years, but he had at least gathered the fact that the dark-haired man deeply respected Dazai in a lot of ways. Despite his insistence that he hated Dazai, the other man seemed obsessed with trying to prove himself to him, for reasons Atsushi still didn't understand.
And he supposed it had been a bitter moment to hear that Dazai had shown favor to him.
Suddenly, Atsushi felt the need to show a bit of compassion. Maybe it was the wine in his own system making him do something like this, but he quickly said, “When is your own birthday?”
For a few heartbeats, Akutagawa just blinked at him, staring at him cautiously as if he was afraid this was a trap. Or … maybe it wasn’t that at all. For a sinking moment, Atsushi wondered if Akutagawa even remembered his own birthday. If birthdays had really mattered so little all his life, maybe the other simply didn’t remember when his was.
But finally, Akutagawa said, “March 1st.”
Ah, so his birthday was a long time passed. Never mind though, Atsushi could still make this work, he knew it.
Atsushi puffed out his chest and raised his glass, “It’s a bit late in your case, but I say tonight, we both celebrate our birthdays and let Dazai pay for our meals.”
Akutagawa looked affronted, or maybe it was more accurate to say, shocked. Hissing, he said, “I don’t need your pity and Dazai-san shouldn’t be taken advantage of like that-”
“I am not pitying you,” Atsushi interjected firmly, looking Akutagawa in the eyes. “Really I am not. And besides, both Dazai and I owe you, right?”
Akutagawa’s eyes narrowed, “Owe me? For what?”
To be honest, Atsushi didn’t really know what Dazai owed Akutagawa for… and he didn’t really even feel like he owed Akutagawa much of anything. But he knew he would never get the other man to agree unless he spun it this way, so he said, “Erm, Dazai for whatever he did in the past to you-” Then, as he saw Akutagawa open his mouth to protest, he quickly tacked on, “And me for making you do this whole like, no killing for six months thing.”
He doubted having a no kill rule was a very easy thing to accomplish when one worked with the Mafia, but Akutagawa as far as he knew had stuck diligently to his end of the deal.
Akutagawa looked at him suspiciously as if Atsushi was playing him for a fool. Finally, he tried once more to protest, “I have more than enough money to-”
“And so does Dazai-san,” Atsushi said firmly. Well, to be honest, he didn’t know how much Dazai actually had, but the man had seemed pretty confident he could pay for whatever Atsushi wanted tonight so for now he supposed it was alright to assume it was a lot.
Akutagawa finally sighed and just said, “Waste Dazai’s funds and get in trouble if you want, jinko.”
Atsushi resisted the urge to grin. It seems he had won this little fight.
And with almost perfect timing, the waitress from earlier came to deliver them their food. After she set it down and disappeared, Atsushi raised his glass of wine in toast and said, “For the both of us surviving another year on Earth.”
A part of him expected Akutagawa not to reciprocate. It seemed pretty in-character, and he had already prepared a comeback in case the other man should refuse, deeming him immature and petty. But to his surprise, Akutagawa raised his glass up as well and clinked it to Atsushi’s, saying, “To survival.”
They both sipped their wine together, before turning their attention to their food.
Atsushi dug eagerly into his meal, indulging himself in the new and unusual flavors before him, a lightness in his chest.
Despite his pessimistic attitude from earlier, he suddenly had a feeling the rest of this dinner with Akutagawa wasn’t going to be as bad as he previously thought.