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The party had gotten off to a relatively good start. Nick wore what he hoped was a nice-looking outfit, and tried to get himself in a somewhat-partying mood.
A DJ had been hired to play deafening songs for those who just wanted to lose themselves in dancing, and that was actually what a majority of the attendees did. Others scattered, alone or in small couples and groups, getting food and mild drinks that had been provided.
Once Nick had arrived, one of his rugby buddies immediately spotted him and practically dragged him over to the dance floor. There, he met his buddy’s girlfriend, who frankly was a bit too... high. To talk to.
Nick was generally uncomfortable, which had started to become a trend around his mates. They just... made him feel like a hermit. Like he had to hide almost every aspect of himself apart from rugby.
He attempted to look like he belonged there, nodding and half-smiling as his friend told some story about being a football player back in sixth year. He made it sound like it was so long ago, and it was amusing.
It was hard to concentrate on anyone with the music pounding into his eardrums. Sure, the songs were good, but could it kill the DJ to turn it down a little?
His friend turned to talk to his girlfriend, and Nick focused on the song instead.
Harry would never play songs like these, and it was surprising that the boy in question didn’t throw a fit about it. If it were up to Harry, there would probably be a lot more dodgy rap. Which... honestly gave Nick a headache whenever he heard it.
Nick vaguely recognized the song, the voice and short guitar strums just short of screeching in his ears.
He stood there, feeling a bit awkward as his friend turned back to him. The smell of weed hit him strongly, and he struggled to not scrunch up his nose so as to not look rude. He was vaguely aware of curls of smoke rising up from the dance floor.
“So, you get yourself a date yet?”
Nick shrugged. It probably wasn’t the best idea to go on and say he invited a boy that made him question certain things about himself. “I mean, yeah, if... if she shows up.”
It felt so wrong to say “she.” So, so wrong. He just wished he could say it was Charlie, without fearing the nasty looks people would send. But he and Charlie apparently weren’t supposed to mix, opposite sides of the social spectrum, and that separated them like a concrete wall.
Yet oh, how he had managed to bust a Nick-shaped hole through that concrete.
His may-or-may-not-be stoned friend continued dancing, satisfied with the ‘she’ that Nick had supposedly invited. The atmosphere momentarily felt warm and groggy, the body heat of the large crowd surrounding Nick and making the back of his neck sweat.
There was a different feeling, now, as he focused on the song again. Nick decided to do the bare minimum and awkwardly sway so he wouldn’t be too out of place on the dance floor.
It looked like Charlie wouldn’t be arriving for a bit.
What if he’s bailing?
Nick clenched his fist inside his pocket. He knew perfectly well Charlie would never do that. Still, doubt manages to worm its way in, no matter how much confidence tries to block it.
Nick couldn’t suppress a small sigh.
It was a while before he started tapping his fingers on his thigh. It felt like hours, but it was probably only about twenty minutes or so he’d been there. Several songs had passed, and now a more upbeat song was playing, giving off lots of teenager-y vibes.
He was tempted to go get something consumable to pass the time, when he felt a small tap on his shoulder from behind.
I've gotta let you know
That I think that I love you so
You could be my only one
'Cause I think that I love you so
Imogen looked as bubbly as ever, when Nick spun around.
“Hiya! It’s so nice to see you here!”
She held out her arms, and Nick, relieved to see a familiar face, returned the embrace. It was slightly less uncomfortable around Imogen, mainly because she didn’t treat everyone like crap, unlike the rest of their group.
I know we only just met
So why do I feel invested?
And do you feel it too?
Do you feel it too?
“You holding up okay? I know parties can be a pain sometimes, ‘specially when it’s Harry,” Imogen lowered her voice a bit on the birthday boy’s name, providing an awkward expression that made Nick chuckle.
“Yeah, I’m... pretty alright, actually,” he decided he was fine. Everything was fine.
He was just... waiting. Anxiously. No... Okay, maybe there was a bit of anxiousness in the way he continued to drum his fingers on his thigh.
“Okay. Hey, what do you think?” Imogen spun once, making her dress fly out around her knees.
She was still wearing sneakers, which didn’t surprise Nick at all.
So I'll just tell my telephone
“Um, it— you look good! You wearing that for anyone in particular?” the dress was really nice.
All of the above when I'm alone
“Just going to hang out with my ladies. They’re all wearing way fancier stuff than me, anyways,” Imogen chuckled to herself. “Well, what about you? Looking forward to seeing a cool person?”
Nick was feeling a bit lighter. He shrugged, feeling less tense in his shoulders. The music was a lot better, actually. “You could say that, yeah.”
I talk a lot but we could fill your frames
With pictures of our faces till we share a name
Charlie was cool. Like, seriously cool. Despite all the gross rumors and muttering behind his back, Charlie still walked into class with a smile most days. Not a lot of people can do that.
Not to mention his personality in general. Then Charlie would surpass just cool. It was the way that he treated everyone kindly. Just something about it... it made Nick feel just a bit lightheaded.
“Ooooh,” Imogen drawled playfully. Nick waves her away with a bashful smile. “Very lucky, whoever it is!”
I'm living on a target and you shot it with an arrow
“I hope so,” Nick said, hardly thinking.
Imogen giggled, now. She peered over Nick’s shoulder and made a small noise of excitement. Then she leaned back to look at him again.
“You gonna be alright? Natalia’s right over there...” she knew a bit about Nick’s sort of biased feelings toward parties and real big groups.
“Uh, yeah, yeah. You go on. Have fun! Dance with your girls,” Nick jabbed a thumb over his shoulder.
Imogen squeezed his shoulder briefly before darting off through the crowd. Nick hung his head for a moment, feeling just a bit miffed about feeling bi-himself again.
All these aisles
Feel like miles
There was an impatient tugging feeling in his abdomen. It felt like there were live butterflies swarming around inside him. It made him slightly queasy.
Nick looked around, peering through breaks in the dancing crowd that appeared continuously. Looking for his ‘date.’
He felt a bit of heat rise up in his face at the thought of that. Date. A date. My date. Charlie’s my date to this damn party.
I know we only just met
So why do I feel invested?
And do you feel it too?
Do you feel it too?
Nick couldn’t see anyone resembling the boy he so desperately searched for. He was half-tempted to take his phone out and text him, for Christ’s sake. But that might come off as weird and annoyed and impatient, and that was the last kind of message he wanted to send to Charlie.
I could be your best yet
Future favorite regret
Do you feel it too?
Do you feel it too?
Then Nick saw him.
Finally. Finally, Charlie was here. Nick could see the boy smile brightly through the crowd. He looked positively glowing in the colorful hues of the lights swirling around.
Nick couldn’t help but smile as something of its own swirled in his chest, and he rushed through stray dancers to meet Charlie halfway. He almost went in for a hug, but something stopped him, and he gripped Charlie’s shoulders instead.
“I’ve been looking for you!”
“I’ve been looking for you!”
They shared a laugh. Funny how the exact same words occurred to them both. Nick felt giddy.
“So... what were you up to this whole time?” Nick inquired, raising an eyebrow non-seriously in hopes that he wouldn’t come across as interrogative.
Charlie shrugged. “Getting ready? I couldn’t figure out what to wear.”
Nick leaned back to study Charlie, and the shorter of the two looked rather dashing in a simple maroon button-up, fitted black pants, and white Converse. It was very... Charlie.
“Heh, that would usually imply that you picked a less flattering clothing choice. But you look great!”
Charlie lowered his head with a sheepish smirk. Nick wondered if the boy really received compliments a lot. Then he mentally cuffed himself on the head, because he wasn’t there to feel bad for Charlie.
Nick studied the brunet’s face as the former looked past Nick with a small grin. The dark hair, blue-grey eyes, dark lashes, all in contrast with his pale skin. Nick was totally enraptured, and it... didn’t terrify him as much as it had just earlier that day.
“So, what were you up to before I arrived?”
Nick opened his mouth to answer...
Crap. He really had spent the entire half-hour there just waiting for Charlie. Now, could he actively admit that to himself, much less the inquiring boy in front of him? Probably not.
Nick shrugged. “I dunno, just lingering. Party stuff.”
Nick laughed silently at himself. He did an exaggerated shrug at Charlie. “I should’ve mentioned earlier that I don’t really do parties often, either.”
“That makes two of us,” Charlie laughed. Not just a giggle. Laughter that came from an amused soul.
Nick couldn’t think of what else to say, mind completely blank, as the only thing filling the air between them was the song belting out at full volume. Nick decided he didn’t want Charlie to be the only one to initiate words between them, so he jabbed a thumb over his shoulder.
“You wanna get something? There’s, like, food and drinks. All of it’s already paid for.”
Charlie nodded. It seemed like the smile was glued on his face. Or maybe it was possible that he was just as happy to see Nick as Nick was to see him.
Nah, no way.
So they did. They got drinks (orange Ribena for Nick, cold water bottle for Charlie), chatting idly. They shared a fair few laughs when one spoke and the other said “what?” really loud because of the way the music drowned most everything out.
Nick noticed how often they bumped into each other. He practically zeroed in on the moments, when their shoulders would brush as they walked, sometimes even their hands, how their thighs grazed when they sat on a couch a bit off from the noise and the dance room.
The song had changed to one a bit more idly upbeat, one that wasn’t super memorable, except for when the woman sang about a girl. At one point in silence, Nick just listened to the lyrics until the beat dropped.
He felt a nudge on his thigh. Nick snapped his head back over to look at the boy beside him.
Anyone would say they were sitting way too close, both of them sitting in the middle of the couch. Nick was slowly sinking into the cushions. Charlie was glued snugly right beside him, not even a millimeter separating them.
It was already warm in the hotel, but it was nice with Charlie right there, too.
“Hi,” Charlie murmured, looking down at Nick who had thoroughly melted right into the couch.
Nick couldn’t help but smile. “Hi.”
There was a lot more reasons to smile when Charlie was around, Nick had noticed recently. It had barely been a few months since they’d met, and now it felt like they were closer than lifetime friends.
“You like the song?” Charlie glanced out at the other room which was currently glowing blue and purple.
“Yeah, it’s... it’s interesting,” Nick sipped his Ribena, nearly choked, and cleared his throat. “She singing about a girl.”
“I know,” Charlie chuckled, and whether it be because of Nick stating the obvious or almost choking, or some other reason, the latter would never guess. “Rina Sawayama. She’s... she’s... uh...”
Nick, still recovering from his near-death, coughed out a bubbly laugh. “Take your time.”
There was a gentle whack on his knee, and then Charlie was pulling out his phone and searching for the singer in question. He never dropped his dopey grin as he looked the woman up.
Nick was too distracted by the sudden contact that had occurred, feeling dazed and giddy and frankly... relaxed.
“Both bisexual and pansexual. So, boys, girls, and... no’s,” Charlie spoke matter-of-factly.
Nick huffed. “‘Nose’?”
“Oh, my God. Um, like, non-binary people. And others, but that’s all I have the energy to name.”
Nick came out of his stupor, sitting up a little straighter on the cushion. “Non-binary? What’s that?”
Charlie blinked at him for a moment, and tapped his chin in thought. “Uh, well, non-binary is... er, when one feels like they... don’t have a gender. Enbies—that’s the shortened version—exist outside the gender binary, and...”
Charlie trailed off when he noticed Nick smiling with soft amusement. “Wait a minute, you’re more educated than that!”
He flicked Nick on the forehead, making the older boy laugh. Nick couldn’t help it. There was something warm blossoming in his chest at Charlie’s mock indignation.
“Why were you pretending? Idiot,” Charlie mumbled, affection lacing his voice.
Nick shrugged good-heartedly. “I just like hearing you talk. It passes my time much better than my other mates, and that’s... kind of saying a lot.”
“Oh, so is that the only reason you’ve befriended me?” Charlie raised his eyebrows in fake disbelief. “To waste your time with? Hm?”
“No, no, definitely not...” Nick trailed off into silence, the amusement bouncing between them.
He glanced at Charlie out of the corner of his eye a moment later and then they were sharing a chuckle.
There was a small beat of comfortable silence between them. Nick took this opportunity to sip his Ribena, quite used to the tangy orange cough-syrupy taste.
“Okay, I’m curious about something. Who else have you played Mario Kart with? You play like an old man!”
Nick leaned away, acting like Charlie has just said the most offensive thing in the world. “Why are you randomly attacking my video gaming skills? Where did this violence come from? Old man?”
Charlie rolled his eyes. “I’m not attacking you, it’s just a fact!”
“How can it be a fact if there’s no proof of it being a fact?”
“The proof is that we played just about all the tracks and you got first place in, like, one. Admit it, you play it like you’ve only ever played single-player!”
“Okay... maybe that’s a fact. But I’m serious, it’s not my fault. The only time I ever didn’t do single-player was when I had to drag my mum to play!”
“You’re just proving my point,” Charlie teased with a gentle smile.
“Nicholas,” an amused, drawling voice called out.
The birthday boy himself had come to ruin the moment. Just wonderful.
Nick felt a wave of negative emotions wash over him. He felt ashamed that he’d only recently came to the conclusion that his mates weren’t the best people to hang out with. Then again, they’d been some of the only people he’d ever hung out with, given that he had always been there for rugby and so had they.
But he was also growing aware of how Harry treated Charlie like shit. Overall, hanging out with Charlie had better effects on Nick by a milestone, and he was certainly starting to notice that Harry was, in fact, a douche.
Nick clenched his fist on his thigh, hoping it wasn’t too obvious that he just wanted Harry to fuck off right then.
Of course, ever meddlesome, Harry towed the rugby group behind him like he owned them or something. Nick didn’t miss the distasteful look he shot Charlie. He sipped his Ribena in order to keep his mouth shut.
“Why’re you hanging out in here? Bit boring, innit?”
Nick tried to act like he didn’t notice Charlie’s visible discomfort out the corner of his eye, instead just looking up at Harry. He couldn’t even force a smile, so just settled for a neutral tone and expression.
“I dunno, we just are.”
“Well, I’ve got big news for you,” Harry’s voice was laced with boyish excitement that wasn’t exactly good-natured.
“Oh? What’s that?”
“Tara Jones is here!”
The boys behind Harry made various whoops of approval and amusement. That was all they did, was follow Harry around like a bunch of goons and provide unnecessary background noise. (A couple of the lads seemed better than the lot of them, but Nick was focusing on the majority of them.)
Harry plopped down right beside Nick, putting an unwanted arm around Nick’s shoulders.
“So what?” Nick said, resisting the urge to push Harry off of him or lean away. He didn’t like him, that was for sure, but Nick wasn’t rude, either.
“So what?” Harry gave him an exasperated look. “This is your big second chance, mate! Let’s make it happen!”
He was jostling Nick too much, and the latter was really wishing Harry’d get off him.
Harry addressed Charlie this time, punching Nick on the shoulder not-too-gently, “They kissed when they were thirteen. Proper romantic.”
Harry tugged Nick up, this time, and Nick almost dropped his Ribena.
“Come on, mate!”
“Harry.”
“She’s just down the corridor.”
“I haven’t talked to her in years!” Nick protested. He really didn’t want to leave Charlie.
“So? She’s super hot, man.”
You go for her, then, Nick wanted to say. But he held his tongue, because Harry was quite a bitch and he loved to get into fights.
Honestly, he remembered how much he’d liked Tara back then. How sweet and overall at ease she was, and how happy she used to make Nick feel. But Nick was certain that if he saw her now, it would probably just be... awkward.
Of course, Harry didn’t care about that. He just cared about sticking his nose so far into other people’s personal lives, probably because he couldn’t handle his own, dry love life.
“All right, ladies! Hey, Tara, got someone who wants to talk to you!”
“Um, hi,” Nick said, because Tara certainly had changed in the three years they’d been apart.
And then Harry finally left. Nick glanced back at Charlie, who looked extremely uncomfortable in the prescence of the rugby team.
“Hi,” Tara said, and Nick looked back at her. He might as well at least humor the boys so they’d leave him alone. “How are you?”
“Not bad. Look,” Nick lowered his voice for the shorter girl. “I’m sorry about this. My friends are just... apparently obsessed with my love life and I really don’t know why. Um, not that you’re not... you know, but... I don’t really, um, feel that way?”
Tara cut Nick off before he could ramble further. “It’s fine. I don’t feel that way, either. You don’t have to worry.”
She glanced behind her, before leaning against the doorway. “All of this could’ve been avoided if I had just...”
“What?” Okay, Nick did want to get back to Charlie, but it was nice talking to Tara. Perhaps he could invite her to hang out with them, too.
“Erm, told everyone I was a lesbian.”
Oh.
“Oh. That’s...” Nick felt confused, and then mentally knocked himself again. “Uh, okay. So...“
It was fine. It was... not weird. Of course it wasn’t weird! Lesbians were cool. Pretty cool. God, Nick was a mess with this stuff. “Girls, huh?”
Tara chuckled. “Yeah. That’s my girlfriend, right over there.”
Nick looked past her to where she’d gestured, to a blonde girl who looked quite chaotic. It wasn’t very surprising, actually. Nick smiled down at her, now.
“Um, I’m happy for you. But... why are you telling me?”
Tara shrugged. “Me and Darcy’ve been talking and... we decided we don’t really need to keep it quiet anymore.”
“Oh, like, come out?”
“Not necessarily. We don’t want to make a big announcement, but,” Tara glanced over her shoulder again. “Maybe just not hide it so much.”
“That’s cool. Um, I’ve only ever met one openly gay person before, and I remember it wasn’t exactly... his choice. Do you know Charlie Spring?”
“Yeah, heard of him. You friends with him?”
Nick nodded, absently twisting the front of his T-shirt. “Yeah, we sit next to each other in form. He’s probably... yeah, he’s probably my best friend, right now.”
Just then the blonde girl, Darcy, nearly tackled Tara from behind. The latter let out a startled, “Oh!”
Then they were both laughing.
“Wanna dance?” Darcy only had eyes for her girlfriend, and it was the same for Tara.
“Oh, please, yes.”
Tara shot Nick a slightly apologetic look. “Got to go. Don’t die by your mates!”
“Yeah...” Nick muttered to himself.
The rugby lads wouldn’t necessarily kill him, per se, but Charlie on the other hand...
Nick didn’t see the boy anywhere. There was a split second of panic, before he realized that Charlie had probably left in lieu of hanging out with Harry and the boys.
Nick was starting to see the appeal of that, honestly.
He turned to leave, to look for Charlie.
“Hey, look who’s by himself. Oi, Nick, where you going?”
Nick froze, and then cursed himself and sighed. Then he turned around, resigned to apparently having to deal with them longer. “I’m going to find Charlie.”
“What, that nerdy little year ten? Why the hell d’you even hang out with him?”
“He’s my friend,” Nick mumbled, and the way Harry was looking at him wasn’t leaving a good feeling in his stomach.
Harry scrunched his nose in distaste. But then he stepped back, an amused expression spreading across his face. It was the same face he wore, Nick realized, when Harry would shoot vicious words at Charlie and his friends in the mornings and after school.
“But why? Do you feel sorry for him ‘cause he’s gay, then?”
Nope, there wasn’t any patience left for Nick to feel trepidation on the subject of dumping Harry. Nick was about to reply, clenching his fists in his pockets once more.
He was cut off: “Oh, my God, no, wait, wait. Do you think he has a crush on you? Ha, how sad.”
The entire group laughed, and Nick felt his face grow hot. Not from embarrassment, though. No, this feeling was boiling red.
“That’s homophobic, Harry,” Nick said, not bothering to keep the heat out of his tone this time.
For the first time, Harry had the audacity to look taken aback. He chuckled nervously. “C’mon, mate.”
“You know what? No,” Nick snapped. “No, I’m done with you.”
He took a step forward, and the entire group of boys shuffled back a little. It would’ve been comical if not for the fact that Nick looked real angry. This wasn’t annoyance or even frustration. His gaze was hardened, jaw set, fists clenched so hard his nails nearly drew blood from his palms. This was the kind of anger that made you do things you regret, but not Nick because he managed some self-restraint.
“Fuck you, Harry. I... I can’t believe I ever actually thought of you as a friend. I was so blind to see how much of a prick you were to everyone. I’m glad that I see it, now, though. You’re toxic, Harry. Stay away from me and my friends.”
Nick turned on his heel without waiting for an answer. “Happy fucking birthday.”
He heard the muttering behind him, but he didn’t look back once. Good absolute riddance, honestly.
Nick pushed through the dancing crowd, the music combined with his emotions effectively giving him an immediate headache. He ran to an upper floor, sat down on the stairs, and put his head in his hands for a minute.
The only thing that swirled in his mind was good riddance good riddance fucking prick hate him holy crap. He probably needed to look for Charlie soon, but Nick could still feel heat crawling under his skin, heart thumping way harder than normal.
If Nick saw Charlie in his current state, there was the possibility that Nick might have an aneurysm.
Anyways, it felt good to finally get rid of that arsehole.
But Nick had also promptly gotten rid of nearly his entire group of friends, and now Charlie and Imogen might be the only people left who would still speak to him. He searched himself for any feelings of regret, and realized there were none.
Popularity was overrated in sheer amounts. Better to have a few super close friends than many people who don’t give a crap about you beyond your looks and whatever sport you play.
Still, Nick was shaking. He ran his fingers through his hair a few times, which was a habit that only happened when Nick was severely stressed.
“Oh, no.”
Nick startled a little, because he thought he’d been alone in the stairwell. Not anymore though, it seemed.
Imogen plopped down one stair above him, fixing him with that notorious blue gaze. The concern in her eyes reminded Nick of his mum.
“You’re freaking out. What happened?”
Nick put his head in his hands once more. “It’s... quite a mess.”
He felt a soothing hand rub down his back.
Nick shook his head, still concealing his face behind his fingers. “I told Harry to— to fuck off.”
Imogen froze beside him. He knew from the way her hand stilled on his shoulder blade.
“Well. That’s... news. I mean, I guess he wasn’t the bestest friend we’ve ever had but—“
“He was being homophobic. Like, genuinely. He tried to play it off as joking but I saw right through him and I— I snapped.”
Nick brought his hands down, instead clasping his fingers between his spread knees. He sighed, and then let out a small laugh. “It kind of felt good, to realize just how much of a twat he is.”
Imogen laughed beside him. “That’s a mild description of him, but okay.”
“Yeah, well, I think I’ve said ‘fuck’ enough as it is tonight. God, what am I gonna do, though? I wasn’t exactly thinking at the time when I said what I said, but now how am I gonna play rugby with them?”
“I dunno. You’ll figure it out, Nick. You’re pretty damn smart, for a sporty boy.”
“Hey!” Nick turned to the girl in mock offense. “Crude stereotyping, that is.”
Imogen huffed with an good-natured eyeroll. “Continue sulking. It’s what you came in here for, eh?”
He sighed and turned back to face nothing. Resting his chin on his hands, bobbing one leg on the step below him.
Seriously, what was he to do? Anyways, he wasn’t sulking! It was just hard, having a whole group that you hang out with in the morning, and then you tell them to piss off. Or, well, that exact phrase only equated for one of the cruddy members. Nick frowned at the thought.
A finger poked him in the ribs.
“Ow! What’s that for?” he turned to look at the girl above him.
“I saw your friend just now. Er, Charlie, right? I ran into him in the crowd. Looked real daunted, from what I could see.”
Imogen had a suspiciously knowing look in her eyes.
Nick followed her with his eyes as Imogen stood. “I’m off, again. I said I’d only be away for a minute to use the loo. Bye, now!”
Nick felt guilt start eating away at him immediately. Charlie was upset?
Of course he is, you were ignoring him to talk to Tara.
Nick shook his head. No room for anymore negative thoughts.
Correction, I have no real clue why he’s upset, apart from the fact that I kind of did leave him there. It wasn’t my choice, and he would understand that.
Nick pressed his hands against his knees and stood. He really did have to find Charlie, no question to it. He felt bad enough for leaving the guy alone, let alone around Harry and his crowd.
How many times did Harry make fun of him when I wasn’t around?
Nick ascended the few steps and pushed back into the room, clenching and unclenching his hands in an attempt to completely steel himself. Sometimes, it was a bit hard to shake his anger.
Especially when he thought about how ridiculously homophobic and transphobic and probably phobic of everything else that wasn’t straight like him, that Harry was. How much Charlie must have had to go through to get used to it.
He couldn’t rid Charlie from his thoughts. Nick had a cheesy thought about whether angels could actually be on Earth, because Charlie was just... just so...
A song was playing on its last legs as Nick waded through the crowd, hoping that Charlie was still there. Imogen said she had just ran into him so he must’ve still been around, somewhere.
Nick held his breath as he waded through the thick of it, unable to stand the stench of weed, and when he did inhale even a little he felt like he was going to cough out a lung.
He finally inhaled when he reached the edge of the crowd, and saw his sort-of prayers had been answered. Charlie sat on a couch in a different side room, staring forlornly at his phone.
Nick coughed once, waving the smoke out of his face, as he approached Charlie. The latter glanced up at the sound of approach and brightened the whole room with a grin.
“Hi,” Nick’s voice was breathless, but he wasn’t sure if it was from the thick cloud of weed, or...
“Hi!” Charlie sounded like... well... very ecstatic. A drastic change from his moody expression just moments before.
“You left,” Nick plopped down on the couch beside Charlie.
“Sorry, I... didn’t want to be in the way,” Charlie looked so soft and sheepish and frankly his expression made Nick’s heart act very abnormally in his chest. “And... your year eleven friends are kind of intimidating.”
Nick huffed out a laugh, still slightly out of breath. “Yeah. Well, I don’t think I’ll be hanging out with them anymore.”
“I’d much rather hang out with you, anyways,” Nick met Charlie’s eyes as he spoke, hoping it would fully portray just how much he meant it.
Charlie looked like he wanted to say something, and Nick didn’t even bother to hide his staring. Something was slowly occurring to him, and it made him feel almost dumber than how he’d felt not dumping Harry’s bellend arse sooner.
“So, I ran into Ben...”
Well, that wasn’t what Nick expected. So many thoughts rushed through his head like noisy trains, and so with raised eyebrows he settled for a simple, dumb response, “Ben?”
“Yeah. I kind of dealt with him, though,” Charlie turned a bit more so his body was angled Nick’s way. “He, like, tried to apologize for what happened, but I... pushed him into a wall and told him to go away.”
Charlie pushed Ben into a wall?
“I’m proud of you!” Nick didn’t even realize he had grabbed Charlie’s hand, something he had envisioned without knowing why for too long, until he noticed the other boy staring down with a shy smile.
There was a loud cheer from behind Nick, and he figured the stoners were getting into some fun stuff. He sighed.
“Yeah, I dealt with my demons, too.”
“Oh?” Charlie squeezed Nick’s hand like it was the most natural thing in the world.
His fingers were cool against the warmth of Nick’s palm, and it left Nick’s stomach doing silly dances. He hadn’t felt that since he had been thirteen and dancing with Tara. Strange wonders, weren’t there.
Nick realized he should be talking, and snapped his eyes back up to Charlie’s face. “Yeah. I... guess I kind of told Harry to go eff himself.”
Nick scrubbed his free hand over his eyes. “I’ve said enough of the ‘F’ word tonight.”
Charlie never really giggled until then, and with it Nick’s composure was lost. He laughed, too, feeling his face heat up.
“I’m proud of you, too, then!” Charlie grinned unabashedly over at Nick. Nick wondered why Charlie was always so smiley around him.
You do know the answer, idiot.
“So, like, do you wanna dance?”
Nick was just a bit surprised. Of course, he had thought about suggesting it, but given what Charlie had said about parties earlier made him decide that maybe it wouldn’t receive a very hopeful answer.
Charlie started ranting on, and Nick remember that this was the same self-conscious boy he knew. (Just picked up his own bit of confidence, it seems.) “I— I mean, we don’t have to. I thought maybe it could be something to celebrate for leaving our enemies in the dust, but we don’t have to at all. I don’t know, I’m—“
“Yes, yeah!” Nick blurted. “I’d love to.”
...
“What?”
“Er, yes! I was actually thinking about asking you but I didn’t expect you’d want to. That’s beside the point. So, yes,” Nick ended with finality.
“Great!” Charlie was beaming again, and God, it had an immediate effect on Nick—
They stood, and Nick didn’t miss a beat in leading Charlie through the doorway. The feeling of holding hands with this wonderful human being was decidedly better than being high, even though Nick couldn’t be a proper judge of that given that he’d never been high.
The music was loud and upbeat, giving slight eighties vibes with some synthy sounds.
It was so loud, and the smell of weed was as strong as ever. But Nick found himself not caring as much anymore, because he was focused on keeping Charlie from being pulled away into the crowd.
Yeah, that was totally the only reason.
Totally, as they headed for the clearest part of the room which happened to be the middle, which had an autolight that swept colors around the room in intervals.
The room was just the taddest bit smoggy from stoners, but it wasn’t thick like an ash cloud or anything. Still stank, though.
Nick realized that he really didn’t know how to dance beyond the most awkward movements on the planet, but he made do because Charlie was cackling. Not that the curly-haired boy knew how to dance any better.
It was different than when Nick first arrived. It felt fun, and light. Even the thought of his confrontation with Harry earlier, which peskily attempted to stay at the forefront of his mind, couldn’t make his smile drop.
The party felt less burdening, and more like a good time. Nick decided he really liked having Charlie around.
They jumped with the crowd when the music got deafening, doing nothing to help with the already-vibrating floor. For once, Nick felt like he belonged in there.
He pretended to not be aware of when Charlie stared as Nick raised his eyes to follow the lights on the ceiling. But he could feel a burning gaze focused on him. He let it slide, in favor of just enjoying the moment.
They were still holding hands.
Maybe that’s why Charlie had that funny look on his face, that Nick could only see out the corner of his eye. He considered letting go, but Charlie’s grip was equally as strong so it was probably nothing to worry about. Probably.
“Nick!”
Nick paused mid-sway, able to hear as the music had gone down a little. Apparently, Imogen was hanging out with Tara and Darcy. They were all making their way to the two boys.
Charlie looked unsure, when Nick glanced back.
“Hey,” Nick gave his hand a gentle squeeze. “You alright?”
“No, yeah, I’m alright. Just...”
“They’re our friends. What do you say to a few extra dancing buddies?” Nick gave an encouraging smile.
Charlie stared back at him for a moment, and maybe there really was something electric because Nick’s fingertips tingled where they touched Charlie’s palm. The thought was a lot to process.
Then the other boy smiled. “Sure.”
And so they joined the girls in dancing. Tara and Darcy danced together, occasionally joining hands with Imogen and laughing ecstatically, hair flying. Nick saw the little glances Tara and Darcy shared, and wondered...
He had taken both of Charlie’s hands and they weren’t quite moving very coordinately, but it was the most fun Nick had at any party.
Nick caught Imogen’s eye at one point when he somehow found himself twirling Charlie, and she winked and Nick’s face went a drunken red.
Afterwards, Charlie tried to spin Nick, but Nick tripped a little and ended up nearly taking Charlie down with him, steadying himself at the last moment with his hands on Charlie’s shoulders. Then they were both laughing.
It was so lovely. Even if he wasn’t as close to Tara and Darcy as he was with Charlie and Imogen, he still felt like he could be way more himself than his ex-friends. He felt genuine happiness blooming in his chest, and he could smile without it feeling forced.
A new song came on, one that had Imogen covering her mouth with wide eyes, jumping up and down in excitement. Nick knew full-well she would be unstoppable in her joy.
He would know, given that when they hung out and did homework (read: bickered over music), she would play this song at least twice in the same hour.
Given the look Tara and Darcy shared, they knew the song, too. Possibly in the same way Nick knew, which wouldn’t be surprising.
Light is all over us
Like it always was
Like it always was
Imogen ran off to find her other friends who must’ve shared her same enthusiasm. She always did bounce back and forth between groups.
Shaped by the clearest blue
But it’s not enough
It’s not enough, not enough
Nick was happy for Tara and Darcy. He wasn’t particularly new to the whole “boys and boys” and “girls and girls” thing, but he had never really expanded upon it in the past. Then again, he’d never really liked any girls, anybody apart from Tara.
So why do I feel the same with Charlie, now?
Nick focused on dancing with Charlie, taking both the boy’s hands in his own as they continued to move along to the beat and synths. The feelings inside Nick made him feel positively glowing.
He decided not to dwell on how easy it had become to hold Charlie’s hand.
Just another time I’m caught inside
Every open eye
Holding on tightly to the sides
Never quite learning why
Charlie looked so happy, so different from the shy kid Nick had started to fancy.
Nick pushed the thought, “What?!” away. Of course he liked Charlie. There was no denying the way just looking at the boy made the edges of Nick’s vision brighter, or the way he felt right now as he and Charlie held both hands together and danced to the perfect song. So many butterflies.
Charlie was illuminated and silhouetted at random intervals, but his beam didn’t fade with whatever happened. He seriously looked like a whole other person, someone who wasn’t burdened.
Out of this world, Nick thought.
So please say you’ll meet me
Meet me halfway
Even with his energy, Nick was starting to get tired. The music was good, but the volume nevertheless started a small ache in his temples that he knew would only grow.
But he couldn’t bring himself to leave just then. Not when Tara and Darcy’s high-pitched laughter reached his ears, and they sounded so happy, exactly how Nick was feeling.
“You alright?”
Charlie had to shout a little to be heard, and Nick slowed his movements so they could talk. They were still holding both hands together, and something about it was so much more than what Nick had ever felt before. Something so precious, so intimate.
“I feel amazing!” Nick decided, flashing a genuine smile. “How are you?”
Charlie tilted his head up to the ceiling, a laugh bubbling out of him that only Nick could hear. Nick quickly looked away after catching a glimpse of the boy’s Adam’s apple.
“I’m great! Dancing isn’t as bad as Tao makes it out to be!”
“Glad you feel that way! He sounds like he doesn’t get out much,” Nick noted.
“He really doesn’t,” Charlie laughed softly. Then he frowned gently. “Today was our movie night.”
Tied
To the shifting ground
Like I always was
Nick realized they were standing really close. Their foreheads almost touched. The music felt like it was fading into the background as all he could hear was Charlie’s voice. Just Charlie, all his soft tones and sharp edges.
“I’m sorry,” Nick said. He really was. A piece of guilt crept around his happiness and made him return Charlie’s frown. “You could’ve gone there instead.”
Charlie giggled, staring down at their hands. “I wanted to be here. I wanted to hang out with you. And... it was honestly worth it.”
That guilt was shoved away with Charlie’s words. Nick smiled so wide. “Then let’s do what we came here for, yeah?”
And Nick started their dancing again, his shoes gently leaving the ground and connecting with each beat. Charlie’s hands were practically fused to his.
The music was building up to something, something that made Nick’s heart swell with anticipation.
He glanced over, catching Tara’s eye. She looked so happy, bouncing around with Darcy. Tara smiled, and there was nothing but love and admiration as she looked at Darcy.
Holding on tightly to the sides, never quite learning why
Whenever I feel it coming on, you can be well aware
She and her girlfriend moved in sync, laughing so loud Nick could hear them over the music.
Nick glanced at Charlie, and saw the other boy watching them, too. Then Charlie caught his eye, and they shared a smile. Those girls were adorable.
Tell me, tell me you'll meet me
Tell me, tell me you'll keep me
Tell me, tell me you'll meet me
Nick looked back at the girls, saw them cease their dancing and gravitating ever closer. Tara moved a hand to Darcy’s shoulder, and the latter rested her hands on Tara’s waist
Will you meet me more than halfway up?
The two girls kissed, right as the light between them erupted into rainbow colors. Can’t be a coincidence.
Nick stopped dancing altogether, watching in awe as they embraced each other. His breath hitched. His heart was beating like a horse’s hoof inside his chest.
They really are together. They’re together. And no one’s batting an eye. Wow, they’re... it’s really okay.
Charlie was covering his mouth, but his eyes were a dead giveaway of how wide he was grinning. Clearly, he was happy for the girls, too. Nick was just astonished, now. Charlie was just illuminated in the technicolored lights, making his dark eyes flash, casting him in brilliance.
Nick found it hard to breathe, all of a sudden. He glanced once more at Tara and Darcy, and then he glanced up in surprise when what seemed to be pieces of confetti fell from the ceiling.
The girls were laughing loudly again, dancing with much more vigor. That had been their subtle way of coming out, where not so many people could see, but nevertheless out.
“Um...” Nick tugged at the collar of his shirt, glancing down at Charlie. He had to avoid those eyes, because there was a lot swirling around in his chest and he couldn’t think straight. “I kinda— I need— need a break.”
Charlie nodded understandingly, but there was a small hint of confusion on his face. The curly-haired boy relayed this information to the girls, and Darcy gave a thumbs up.
Without a word, Charlie took Nick’s hand and they went off through the crowd.
It was a bit interesting, how easy it had gotten to hold the boy’s hand. Nick felt his heart in his throat as they made it out of the crowd. Charlie turned around.
“Are you alright?”
Nick gestured half-heartedly to the balcony. “Can we just... go up there?”
“Of course,” Charlie said.
Nick was silent, and pondering. He attempted in vain to get his thoughts and emotions together, but it was a wild night in simple terms and he was losing it a little.
They made it up to the balcony, and Nick leaned heavily on the railing. He hung his head for a moment, feeling warm and funny on the inside.
“Nick?” Charlie’s voice was gentle as the hand that made its way to Nick’s lower back. “What’s happened?”
Nick turned his head, looking up at Charlie. He couldn’t think of an answer that might possibly make sense, so he studied the boy instead. The lights were a mix of red and blue, now. Charlie’s eyes glowed.
He’s beautiful, and amazing. How did I not realize it sooner? It’s been two and half months and I’ve been an oblivious git.
Nick straightened up, pushing his hands out against the railing. “I’m happy for them. I really am. I just... Tara told me, and... I feel stupid for not completely believing her.”
Charlie glanced down at the dance floor, and Nick followed his eyes to see the two girls now sitting together. They were visibly jovial and chortling.
“I know you liked her,” Charlie said, and Nick did a double-take in his mind. “I kind of know how it feels, to see the person you like be with someone else. I’m sorry you have to experience that, too.”
Nick could hear the badly-disguised misery in Charlie’s voice. What was that about Nick liking Tara?
Nick laughed incredulously. “Charlie— ha, no, no. That’s not what’s got me. It’s...”
Nick chewed his lip a little, gazing out at the crowd but not really seeing them.
“Seeing her and her girlfriend... it made me realize something. I realized something about myself tonight, and I was scared. But... seeing them together? It made it seem okay. That what I want is okay.”
“What’re you saying?” Charlie tilted his head, leaning one elbow on the balcony so he could see Nick.
Nick gazed back, for once allowing himself to admire the boy without worrying about being caught. He was fairly sure Charlie was doing the same.
There was so much to admire about the younger boy. The way his hair curled around his eyebrows. His eyes, such a soft, pretty blue, conveying all the emotion in the world. Mouth turned in a soft, curious frown. The point of his canines when he grinned widely. The way he held so much energy despite his smaller frame, as seen with how fast he could run, and the way he could tackle Nick (granted, Nick had to be caught off guard, but it was still impressive). Charlie only really wore his white converse, Nick could tell from the way they were more scuffed up compared to the large collection of other converse Charlie had.
“You’re staring,” Charlie noted, and he grinned again and Nick felt his face warm up when saw those little points.
“So’re you. In fact, you were staring first,” Nick teased back, and reveled in the pink tint his words left on Charlie’s cheeks.
“Ha ha, funny. So—”
“About what I was—“
They spoke at the same time, and they both cut each other off with laughing. Nick wanted to... do things. And it made his palms sweat and his heart race.
He wiped his hands on his pants, again.
“So, go on. I mean, if you want to.”
Nick nodded. He breathed shakily, staring off again as he tried to figure out how he would do this. How does one come out to their crush, after they’d only recently admitted said crush to themself?
“I’m not... straight,” Nick blurted. “I’m not your... what was it you had said? Your ‘supportive straight friend,’” despite his attempt at humor, Nick’s voice had a small edge of nerves.
Charlie giggled, covering his face with his hands. “That was, like, months ago! Why do you choose that of all things to remember?”
Nick chuckled, as Charlie uncovered his face.
He felt himself shaking, distinctly, as he realized he wanted to expand further. He knew exactly why he wasn’t straight. It wasn’t because of Tara and Darcy (well, maybe seeing them together really helped with solidifying things, perhaps). It wasn’t even because of those numerous quizzes he’d taken a few nights ago, until he had staggered back to his bed at four in the morning after his infernal sexuality crisis.
No, those weren’t the reasons.
“Charlie...” Nick started. He hesitated, but pushed on. “It- it was you. You...”
Nick‘s eyes burned, and he felt them water. Why was it so difficult to just say it? But it wasn’t guaranteed Charlie felt the same. Even with... everything they had shared.
“You made me realize I’m not straight.”
Nick shut his eyes for a moment, the words making his face feeling hot and his neck hotter and clammy and he reached up to rest his hand on the back of his neck.
“Oh,” Charlie’s voice was small.
Oh.
He doesn’t feel the same, does he? Of course he doesn’t. He doesn’t like just any guy who’s nice to him. He has other guy friends, for fucks sake, why did I have to go and say that—
Nick started at the feeling of fingers twining with his. Charlie was closer, now, angling his head and gazing up at Nick.
“Are you saying... you like me?”
Nick chanced a glance downward, and wondered briefly what the boy’s lips felt like. Then he looked back up, exhaling with a tremble.
“Yeah. Yeah, I like you. I kind of like you a lot.”
But Charlie hasn’t let go, and Nick pushed the thoughts away momentarily in favor of hope. His tongue was stuck, though. He felt his whole body shifting with the force of his heartbeat.
“I kind of like you a lot, too, Nick.”
No way in Hell —
“You do?”
“Yeah,” the word mingled with a small laugh. Charlie’s eyes glistened. “Kind of... since when we first sat next to each other in form.”
“Oh, really?” Nick said, allowing himself to move closer so their noses were barely an inch apart. “I think I m-might’ve liked you then, too. I was just too much of an idiot to realize it.”
“You’re not an idiot, Nicholas,” Charlie chided.
“I can be. I’m just a rugby lad, after all.”
“No, oh my god, that doesn’t mean you’re an idiot,” Charlie shot back, but he didn’t drop the smile.
He tilted his head to the other side, and there was a soft gleam in his eyes. Nick could see them roving over his face, very subtly. Is he... he’s admiring me?
It was something, though, in Charlie’s eyes, not just the endearing gleam, that made Nick’s stomach swoop, as he realized he’d been missing out on so much. Oh, he really was an idiot.
Nick, slightly impulsively, leaned forward somewhat swiftly. The moment he captured Charlie’s lips in his own, he felt what had to be a miniature explosion in his chest. There was electricity everywhere, making the butterflies supercharged.
Charlie’s lips were like live wires, warm and just on the cusp of chapped. He hesitated for only a moment, and then returned it gently.
Nick’s brain turned to mush, when Charlie’s lips started moving against his. There was nothing there but Charlie, and only Charlie. The faint smell of cologne, and a hint of musk sent Nick reeling for more. He pressed closer, Charlie mirroring him.
Nick noticed smaller, more subtle scents, too. Like the faint scent of coconut shampoo, as he brought a tentative hand to thread through Charlie’s curls. He could smell lavender laundry detergent, as he tilted his head to the side.
Charlie let go of Nick’s hand, and set off more fireworks when he wrapped his arms gently around Nick’s neck. Nick, in turn, grasped at his slender waist.
Nick got the brief taste of mint, before he pulled away for air. He kept Charlie close, though, resting the other hand on the boy’s waist, now.
Charlie’s breath trembled against Nick’s lips. It didn’t help Nick’s short-circuiting brain.
“Wow...” Charlie exhaled. His eyes were closed, hands shaking as his fingers curled absently at the nape of Nick’s neck. It sent tingles down Nick’s spine.
“Was it that bad?” Nick muttered, feeling softer than ever as he looked down at Charlie.
Charlie leaned away a little, finally opening his eyes to stare at Nick incredulously. Nick let out a breathy chuckle, eyes gleaming. Charlie couldn’t seem to keep up the mock offense.
“How can you think that was bad? My God.”
Charlie’s face was pink, blush dusting across his nose and cheekbones, his lips slightly more colored than before their kiss. Nick felt briefly proud because he had done that, but he felt more awestruck as he admired the face of the boy who he so very much liked.
“You have a nice face. You know that?” Nick traced his thumb over Charlie’s cheeks and nose as he spoke.
“Stop that, you’re gonna make me die,” Charlie complained. Then he laughed. “I can’t believe I just kissed Nick Nelson.”
“I hope you believe it. I really, really hope you do.”
“I kind of want to do it again,” Charlie whispered.
Nick rested his forehead once more against Charlie’s. “And what will you do about that?”
Charlie responded by leaning up, being the one to tilt his head this time. Nick immediately returned the kiss, feeling a bit more vigorous in his movements. He brought a hand up to the back of Charlie’s neck, brushed his thumb below the boy’s ear and reveling in the feeling of Charlie’s breath hitching.
Nick pressed kiss after kiss, each one popping gently. He could feel Charlie resisting a smile.
“Oh, holy shit, sorry!”
They jumped back a little, but Nick never once released his hands from Charlie’s waist or neck. He wasn’t eager to go back into the closet of whatever his sexuality was.
Imogen had stumbled across them, and was staring up at the ceiling with a bright red face. “Don’t let me interrupt! I’m happy for you two!”
Still averting her eyes, she gave a thumbs up and then rushed past them.
Nick watched as she rounded the corner, and then shared a quick laugh against Charlie’s lips.
—— —— —— —— —— —— —— ——
“I wish you could stay,” Nick muttered, resting his arm across Charlie’s shoulders as they exited the building.
It was a few minutes past ten o’clock, and Charlie had been startled by a few “where are you?” texts from his dad. Safe to say, Nick was a bit disappointed but the happiness beat all that down below the ground.
“Me, too, but my parents don’t want me messing up my sleep schedule. I mean, now I’m never going to sleep, but,” Charlie giggled. Nick decided he loved that giggle more than anything, though nothing could really beat Nellie.
“Yeah. I... don’t think I’m sleeping, either,” Nick agreed.
He saw Charlie’s dad sitting in the car parked just out front.
Nick got the really strong urge to kiss Charlie again, and it made his chest ache a little. “Hey, does your dad know?”
“Know what?” Charlie studied Nick’s face for a moment, and then it clicked. “Oh, that I’m gay? Um, yeah. They kind of... found out when I was outed and then I properly came out.”
Nick nodded, allowing himself to stare once more. Charlie was blushing again, rattling off about how his family had been supportive, and how apparently Tori had called it.
“Can I kiss you? I kind of want to, like, really bad.”
Charlie stuttered over his words, and then came to a stop, staring up at Nick. “Um...”
“We really don’t have to, I just... I- I don’t really want to keep us a s-mmh,” Nick’s last word dissolved as his lips were the ones that were stolen this time.
He immediately returned it though, resting his hand on Charlie’s jaw, pushing a little downward so Charlie leaned back a little.
They held hands for a moment when they separated, and Nick felt like this was truly the best thing that’s ever happened. He had to say, that kiss with Charlie was better than the one with Tara. Sorry, Tara!
“Bye!” Charlie sounded breathless, and he gave Nick’s hand one last squeeze.
Nick was truly, undeniably struck. And boy, whatever this was he had with Charlie, he didn’t want it to end.