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First, it had been postcards. Or snow globes with beach scenes. Or even magnets with city names and tourist attractions printed on them.
He had kept them all.
Steve’s parents went away a lot when he was a kid. More than a couple of times a year really and they brought him home knickknacks every time. Maybe they thought it would make up for neglecting him or for the ridicule they’d dish out when they were home for once. As he got older, the trips grew more frequent and their stays away from home grew longer. His collection was huge by the time he was five years old.
So really, it started when he was younger and even though he has since thrown out ninety-nine percent of the junk his parents brought home for him, he never really stopped collecting. No longer having certain childish ideals and expectations from his parents, he realized he didn’t want to keep their memories around, so he replaced them with things from his girlfriend Nancy.
Then she dumped him and he never thought he’d get over that heartbreak. He didn’t throw her trinkets away though. She was and is still a huge part of his life and he thinks he’ll always love her, even if that love is no longer romantic. So, he keeps the scrunchies she left behind at his house when she came over. And the bracelet she made him when they first started dating. He even kept the tab from the beer she shotgunned at his party a few years ago.
The things he kept from Nancy are kept in a little box, tucked away in his closet. He likes to look at them and go through them when he’s feeling particularly lonely and sad, but he doesn’t keep them on display. Things from Nancy seem wrong to keep out like he’d inadvertently be hurting Jonathan. He doesn’t want to do that, they’re friends now.
And yes, he does keep certain items on display. Items he always wants to see, always wants to have the memory of. They help him feel loved and not so alone in his empty house.
Like the walkie-talkie, Dustin gave him so they could keep in touch. Or the origami animals the boy also makes him. Even the stupid inventions and scraps the boy gives him. Steve doesn’t really know what they are or what they’re supposed to do but he keeps them all the same. Because he loves Dustin, like his own real kid brother and he’s important to him. So, the weird stuff he gives Steve is also important to him.
Steve keeps the movie tickets from all the times Robin would drag him (force him to drive) to the theatre or the drive-in. He keeps the marker he accidentally took from Scoops Ahoy before it “burnt down”. Really, she had been so annoying with that thing; scored him with three more “You suck” tallies that final day and he playfully ripped the marker from her hands. He keeps all the little stickers she gifts him. Most said “Good Job!” and “You Rock!” or “Keep it up!” They started as a joke – Robin loved treating Steve like a child – every time Steve did something good or even mediocre really… She’d grant him a sticker. She gave him one the next time she saw him after coming out to him. The “You Rock!” one is special. They all are, but that one especially.
Every single drawing Will has ever sent him from California is hung up on his wall. And all of the letters El writes to him are kept safe so they won’t tear or be read by curious eyes.
All of the Polaroids of the rugrats are also displayed. He has pictures of Lucas after his games, especially that night he made the winning basket. He has a picture of Mike flipping off the camera, because of course that’s the only picture he could get of the little asshole. A picture of Erica and Dustin as they hug each other in excitement, it was from their last campaign a couple of weeks ago.
Oh and of course! The polaroid camera itself is placed on his nightstand most of the time. It was a hand-me-down from Jonathan. Like he said, they’re friends now! Steve thinks that Jonathan has caught on to his collection, which must be why he gave the older camera to him in the first place. Jonathan is smarter than he looks. Not that Steve thinks he looks dumb or anything, but the other guy is seriously intuitive for someone who smokes marijuana on the regular. So yeah, Steve thinks that somehow Jonathan knows that he collects trinkets from his friends. And Steve also thinks that Jonathan is a great guy for giving him the camera which in turn helps him to cope. He doesn’t think he would be as sane as he is if he didn’t have so many of his friend’s things around him when he has to inevitably come home.
He has kept the letter from Max as well. He hasn’t had the heart to open it though. When she was in the hospital and wasn’t waking up, he had been tempted. But it felt wrong, he knew she’d wake up. She had to. So, having whatever information was in that letter would just feel wrong. She wrote them in case she died. She wasn’t dead and therefore he shouldn’t have that information. He still keeps it close, because Max is like Dustin to him and it’s really the only thing of hers that he has. The redhead doesn’t give him nearly as many trinkets, but he knows she loves him all the same. He knows because when she finally woke up a few months back she had looked at him. She looked at him like a little sister should be able to look at her big brother. He had never seen her look at Billy that way. But she looked at him like that. And when she asked for a little bit of space, because everyone was crowding her, she asked for Steve to stay back. And she cried. And Steve hugged her gently, trying not to hurt her because she was still healing and her head had leaned closer to rest on his shoulder. So, no, Steve doesn’t know exactly what the letter says, but he has a pretty good guess.
Eddie’s vest usually stays hung around the desk chair he rarely ever uses. However, on some nights, when Steve can feel the rising of panic closing in, he keeps the vest closer. Sometimes shadows from tree branches cast on his bedroom wall no longer look like just tree branches. And sometimes his jacket hung up on his door doesn’t look like just a jacket. Sometimes they look like monsters from the upside down. And sometimes, Steve can’t handle it. So, he will quickly make a dash for the light by his door and while rushing back to the “safety” of his bed he’ll tear the vest from the back of his desk chair and cling tightly to it until he can finally feel his heart start to calm in his chest. Until he can feel himself getting deeper breaths of air. The rough denim of the bloodied vest and the faint smell of Eddie’s cologne seemingly woven forever into the fabric eases his mind back to where it is safe and grounds him back in reality. He is just in his room. He is just in his bed. He is just fine.
Those nights he still seeks out the bat underneath his bed. The vest stays clutched in his grip as he tries to find sleep and the weapon is placed on the other side of his bed, close enough to reach if needed.
Those nights he tries to ignore the fact that the stress and panic are causing the vision in his right eye to go blurry again. That he has spots in his line of vision that just won’t go away. And that his ears are ringing even more than normal (which is saying a lot).
Those nights he’s usually plagued by nightmares, but it helps that he has his friends with him at all times. Steve doesn’t think he could get rid of a single item, he thinks if he did, he’d go insane. Especially on nights like those. So, he doesn’t. He just keeps collecting. He thinks that one day he’ll need a bigger house, one of his own, to keep all the memories forever. Maybe one day he’ll just move in with all of his friends. Or maybe one day he won’t need the comfort of their items at all to keep him sane. But for now, his room is big enough to house all of the things that remind him of them, and for now, that’s enough.