Archive of Our Own

And so after seven years, Leon had finally made it. The former detective - now in his thirties - stood outside a small reddish building, holding firmly a rolled piece of paper. It was cold, but Leon hadn’t bothered to wear anything that could’ve shielded him from the harsh weather. His eyes were fixated on the door before him, and his ears kept on listening to the sound of a voice blabbering about rations of food. The familiarity of it all was achingly pleasant.

Huh, still talking to those pets, is he? I wonder how Pon is doing.

The American man was still unsure of everything he was about to witness. Did he really make it, or was this just another red herring? Maybe the person clogged up in that little shop wasn’t the Count after all. Maybe the person there just had his same accent, maybe he had been wrong all along. It wouldn’t have been the first time Leon had stumbled upon such disappointing reality. Yet again, the former detective knew he had nothing more to lose. He was no longer a cop, and he was no longer Chris’ guardian. He also wanted to see D again.

Leon finally moved forward to put his hand on the knob; the door then opened. He could smell the incense burning, and felt his heartbeat skip. He got inside the building attentively in his walking. Every movement felt unstable and fragile, like the floor could crumble at any moment and with it Leon. The former detective looked around and stiffed a bit once he noticed he couldn’t hear that familiar voice anymore. He kept on inspecting the place, careful enough in fear of stepping on some animal’s tail. At long last, Leon got to the larger room of that shop. It was very well furnished, with a comfy-looking couch and an armchair; a small tea table was situated in the middle. There were many different plants and flowers of all sorts, a few fancy lights too. Thankfully, standing there was also a slender figure adorned with dark hair.

Leon’s eyes widened and his throat seemed uncharastically incapable of making even the faintest sound. He recalled all the times he thought about this moment. At first, still in a confused state, the American man thought he would just burst into the pet shop, drop a few corny lines to remark how his instinct had brought him there; something straight out of a cheap action movie. However, as his journey went on, he realised he would’ve preferred a somewhat softer reunion; maybe even earning a kiss. It’s not like he was unaware of his attraction to the Count. After all, he had quit everything he had built with his own hands, only to reach the other man. That was probably the most romantic thing he had ever done in his life; it was no use fighting the thought anymore. At a certain point, once the dazzling discovery of feelings had lost its novelty, Leon started to get angry. Angry at the Count for leaving him behind. Angry at himself for not understanding the Chinese man’s true nature and sorrow. He got to the conclusion that a good old quarrel would’ve been a great reunion, too.

But now he was completely clueless. Was he supposed to reach out to D, was he to say something beforehand?

Was he even wanted there?

Leon wondered where all that self inquiry came from; perhaps it was the result of many years spent travelling all over the world. 

The former detective took an obvious, deep breath, and stepped forward. As he opened his mouth, he was quickly interrupted.

“Detective, what are you even doing here?”

Leon was frozen, he had waited for this moment to happen. He had waited to shove Chris’ drawing in the Count’s face and yell at him for being stupidly stubborn. 

“You forgot something back there”, the American man feigned his most detached voice, “and besides, you’ve been very well aware I was working my ass off to find you.”

D finally turned around, his face looked pained. Leon could see it now, even behind the walls that the other man had been told to build around himself. 

“Then, Detective-”

“Not a detective anymore.”

The Count looked both amused and annoyed at the interruption.

“Then, Leon , do show me; what is it that I forgot?”

Leon brought out the hand that was holding the cherished piece of paper. The Count moved towards his guest, and grabbed the offered object. Slender fingers removed the tie, and the paper unravelled before both their eyes. 

“This… you wanted me to have it back?”

D seemed more afraid than touched or confused; like someone had opened his own Pandora box, and let free all the memories he forced himself to repress. 

“Duh, spent the last seven years of my life trying to give it to you.”

The Count got lost in his thoughts for a few seconds, and kept on staring at the drawing.

“Smudged.”

A softly spoken sound stated that D was back into reality.

“What?”

“Some parts of this picture are now smudged.”

Leon was surprised. Of all the things he expected the Chinese man to say, this surely wasn’t one of them.

“I mean, I even had to swim while carrying it with me. It’s not like I could’ve brought it to you on a silver plate or a fancy-”

The man’s blabbering was shut down.

“This is what I mean, Leon,” the Count didn’t let his guest open his mouth, “I’m the one guilty for those smudges.”

“Come on, D. What are you even on about?”

“Love and affection, they’re not fit for someone like me. I don’t need them to survive, unlike humans.”

Leon felt like he was about to burst. All of this talk about love and humans had gotten on his nerves. Really, D was supposed to be the open-minded one between the two of them. But it wasn’t really the time for screaming and fighting. That would’ve just offered the Count an opportunity to change the subject.

Leon moved around the room, and eventually seated himself on the couch with his legs splayed. Just like all those years ago, in that same shop.

“You know, before disappearing, I had called Chris to tell him about my departure. He seemed strangely understanding, almost excited to know that I wanted to chase after you,” the American fished around his pockets and searched for a cigarette and his lighter, “He told me he was sad that you had to leave.”

D, who was still standing, looked at the man with his mesmerising mismatched eyes. Their gazes met for a few seconds, but the contact broke as the Count closed his lids. Leon got back on his track, slightly embarrassed by that temporary distraction.

“Chris even asked me if it was his fault.”

“Such a sweet child, always blaming himself for things he can’t quite control.” D’s words seemed honest and pensive.

“Yeah,” a quick pause, “he thought of you as a parent, did you know that?”

“... I did not know that.”

“It seemed like he let that slip, but he said he always felt safe around you, like you were his father. And at the same time, you were kind and sweet to him, just like a mother.”

Leon tried to light his cigarette, but his thumb had slipped a few times already.

Click, click, click.

He was way too nervous.

“I’m glad I made him comfortable. But again I-”

The former detective ignored the other man’s words.

“The point being, those smudges are there because time has passed and they’ve followed me to hell and back. Nothing about you being incapable of loving or some similar shit.”
“And what do you know about it, Mr. Orcot? Humans have a foolish tendency of assuming and that’s exactly what you’re doing right now.”

“Right, and I guess you loathe everything human related so much that you put this very piece of paper in a suitcase, and fled with nothing else.”

Leon was pleasantly aware of how his reasoning seemed to work on the other man. Count D had even sat down beside his guest after hearing those words.

“I do care about Chris. And that’s why I had to let him go.”
“I know. I had to let him go too, for the same reason.”

A melancholic silence befell them. 

At least he admitted he cares about Chris, Leon thought, while finally taking a drag of his cigarette. D wasn’t even looking at him at that point. The distance between them was almost unbearable. They sat there without speaking a word for minutes, and maybe an hour had passed before one of them could even notice it. The American kept on smoking the whole time.

Leon realised he thought of himself as a much braver man than he actually was. He had chased someone for seven years only to talk about his little brother. But yet again, that wasn’t the time for cheesy confessions or petty comments. 

“I thought you would settle down.”

The former detective almost smiled at the sound of the other man’s words.

Good to know he still speaks. 

“You always shouted at me for being hot-headed. You can’t possibly ask me that.”

“That’s not what I mean, Leon. I thought you would marry a woman and settle down with her.”

Leon tried not to burst like some sort of maniac. He liked women, he had even tried to find comfort in pleasure during those seven years. But it never worked. Ever since the other man had left, chatting and flirting seemed like a chore. It felt boring and unnatural. He wasn’t interested in finding anyone else that wasn’t the Count. He was stuck in his dreams and expectations, just like when he thought the Chinese man would bring him along on the ark. 

“Where to?” Leon had even dared to ask. How foolish of him.

The sound of forced coughing brought the former detective to his senses. He owed the Count a reply.

“Um, maybe I’m just not one for marriage.”

What a childish liar. 

“Alright then, if that’s the game you want to play,” D sighed and looked into his guest’s eyes, “I would have imagined you’d find a girlfriend and stop thinking about running after me. Sometimes humans ignore everything and everyone - even their closest friends - in the face of love.”

Leon hummed. He couldn’t understand whether the Count was mocking him or just downright dense.

“There you have it.”

Golden and purple eyes were looking at the former detective with an alluring spark.

“... I believe I have yet to hear a proper explanation.”

The American was definitely being made fun of.

“And I believe I already told you.”

D scooted dangerously closer, his piercing gaze never leaving the other man.

“Still as rude as ever, Mr. Orcot. These years didn’t manage to teach you some manners, did they?”

A teasing hand was placed on Leon’s chest. 

“U-uh…”

“Mhm? I’m all ears.”

D’s darkened lips seemed condescending and they slowly moved towards the other’s face.

Seven years of yearning and dreaming of this exact scene.

And then, Leon yawned. 

It was a loud, unpleasant sound. Embarrassing, too. The former detective knew how things like this worked, he was about to gain just the slight taste of affection. But he had ruined everything with his stupid yawn, and stupid sleepiness that he had very recently started to notice. After all, he had spent many days in the cold, and he avoided resting as much as he could. Just to make sure D wouldn’t get away because he wanted to keep a proper sleep schedule.

The Count readily removed his hands and got back to his personal space.

“Shit- I’m uh…”

The Chinese man let out a small, composed laugh.

“Perhaps that’s why all the ladies used to run away from you.”

“Yeah. Never spent seven years looking for any of them, though.”

To Leon’s much appreciated surprise, the Count’s cheeks turned a light shade of pink for the faintest moment. That flustered state didn’t last long, and D quickly regained composure.

“Are you familiar with Ulysses, Leon?”

“The guy from the Odyssey?”

The Count nodded slightly, and brought his elegant hand towards the outline of Leon’s arm. D began moving it with such care that the American thought he could doze off at any second.

“Ulysses had gone through many quests and adventures just so he could come back to his homeland, Ithaca. He had done everything in his power, even if that meant he had to face brutal creatures or lose his comrades. He had endured pain and loneliness.”

Leon didn’t dare interrupt the other man. 

“He looked forward to the day he could touch the shores of the island he so longed for. However, once he was about to reach Ithaca he immediately fell asleep,” their gazes met once again, “Because he was enveloped in the familiarity and the warmth of his homeland. He could finally let himself rest.”

The Count’s hands were still brushing over his guest’s arm.

“Are you suggesting I’m just like Ulysses?”

Leon’s voice sounded tainted by drowsiness.

“No. He’s way smarter than you are. I was simply posing a hypothesis in regards to your loud yawning.”

“Ahh, shut up. I didn’t do all of this just to be made fun of.”

D smiled again, his attention drifting again towards the old drawing, which was now situated on the tea table.

“Thank you, Leon, for bringing this back.”

A pause.

“Why don’t you hang it on a wall or something?”

“...I’ll think about it.”

Better than nothing , the American thought to himself. He knew the other man was still afraid of admitting any kind of commitment. The Count wasn’t as powerful as he made everyone believe; the Count was afraid of framing a picture, because then his detached demeanour would have crumbled. Then he would have to be reminded of the smudges he felt so guilty for. He would have realised how much he cared about Chris and how much he missed him. He would have realised what the little family he and Leon made up really meant to him.

Maybe one day, D would’ve been strong enough to face reality. 

It was dark outside and the former detective was about to fall asleep.

“Wake up, now. This is no place to sleep in.”
“Come on, you could let me sleep on this couch for at least this one night.”

The Count sighed, shaking his head.

“I won’t kick you out, but if you keep on resting there you’ll ruin the couch. Rise and follow me.”

Leon was guided by the other man through strange and seemingly endless corridors. They kept on walking for a while, until they had reached a wooden door. 

“This is our stop, Leon.”

“Huh. You sure I won’t be eaten alive by tigers in there?”
“Who knows. Perhaps if you bring me something sweet for breakfast tomorrow morning, you’ll get spared.”

“I’d rather be eaten alive than lose all of my savings.”

“Be careful what you wish for, my dear.”

My dear. 

“Y-yeah, well. Right.”

D smiled wickedly at him, aware of his guest’s flustered state, and gave him a light peck on his cheek. 

“Goodnight, then. May your dreams fulfil your deepest desires.”

Leon felt like his whole body was burning. He realised that if he kept on overthinking the Count’s words he would’ve ended up not falling asleep at all.

“...Goodnight. Don’t run away again.” 

And with those parting wishes, D left the other man, who was now standing alone before the assigned room. 

After seven years, Leon had finally made it back to the place he wished to call his home.