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Kakashi felt her walk across the chakra barrier by his door before he heard her knock. He slipped out of his bed, tossing the blankets back over so it didn’t look like he was sleeping. He couldn’t do anything about the mess though and shrugged before walking to the door.
Sakura had a frown on her face when he opened it and sighed as she walked past him and into his apartment without so much as a hello. Kakashi chuckled and closed the door as she took off her sandals. “Good morning, Sakura-chan.”
Sakura grumbled something under her breath but glanced at him with a smile that was a little apologetic. “Good morning, Kakashi.”
She turned towards his small kitchen and Kakashi followed lazily after her as she asked, “Have you had breakfast yet?”
“No.”
He smiled as he watched her opening his cabinets and fridge, muttering that he needed to get some groceries. He leaned against the counter, watching her move around his kitchen like she lived there. “Have I worried you so much that you think I can’t take care of myself? Are you going to start coming over to cook me all my meals? Because if you are, then for lunch, I would like – “
She cut off his teasing with a laugh, shoving his arm before pulling the egg carton out of his fridge. “Oh, shut up. Maybe I came over so you could cook me breakfast.”
She took a couple eggs out and handed them to him. Kakashi snorted and grabbed them from her hand, reaching over to his dish rack for a frying pan. He cracked them over the edge and turned the fire on. Sakura handed him two more and then went about stirring his ancient coffee maker to life. He cooked their breakfast without comment, adding more food to the stove with Sakura’s help. She made them coffee and Kakashi felt himself smile that she’d learned how he liked it after all these years.
It wasn’t until they were sitting down at his small table that he finally asked her, “So, what’s wrong?”
Sakura sighed as she cut into her eggs and it was the same sigh from when he’d answered the door. “I think I’m in over my head with this kid.”
Kakashi couldn’t help the laugh that escaped him, and she glared at him. “You only have one . I had three and you all tried to kill each other.”
Sakura huffed and threw a wadded-up napkin at him. “It’s not a competition .”
He chuckled. “I know, Sakura, I’m only teasing.”
She pouted, her fingers tapping against the table. Kakashi waited and when she didn’t say any more after a moment, he asked, “What’re you worried about?”
“Maybe I’m not cut out for it.” Sakura leaned back in her chair and folded her arms over her chest. She looked off to the side and sighed. “It’s a lot of responsibility. His whole future is affected by me. What if I don’t train him well enough? What if I go overboard and he breaks? What if he dies on a mission because I messed something up?”
“Sakura.” Kakashi called out to her before she worked herself up. Her eyes went back to him and Kakashi’s chest was tight as he looked at her. “I think you’ll make a great sensei.”
She rolled her eyes at him, snorting and averting her eyes again. Kakashi nudged her foot with his under the table. “Really, I mean it. You’re at least more cut out for it than I was.”
Sakura met his eyes, an age-old argument on her tongue, as she uncrossed her arms and leaned forward. “Kakashi, you know I – “
He waved a hand at her and interrupted, “I know you don’t, Sakura. But it doesn’t change anything. I didn’t suit being a sensei well for any of you. Most of the things you know, you learned from your own mentors.”
Sakura huffed but didn’t argue farther than, “You need to give yourself more credit.”
Kakashi shrugged and didn’t comment, going back to the topic at hand. “I think you, on the other hand, suit it very well. You need to give yourself more credit. Sakura, you’re an intelligent woman and great shinobi. You know what you need to teach him and how to train him. You went through all of it yourself with Tsunade-sama.”
Sakura slumped in her chair, her expression still helpless. Kakashi gave her an amused smile. “Stop being intimidated by it. Usui-kun is lucky to have you or else he wouldn’t have sought you out.”
It earned him a smile and she leaned her head back. “He’s a mess, you know. He had ink on his arms when we were training and told me that he wrote some of the stuff he couldn’t remember on them.” She looked back to him with a chuckle. “He told me my tests are brutal .”
Kakashi laughed, thinking about the student Sakura had taken on. He was lanky teen with curly hair and a toothy smile. He already seemed to idolize Sakura. Kakashi didn’t think she had anything to worry about.
“Mah, I think you’ll both be just fine.”
***
Kakashi felt like he should’ve expected it. That at some point, he wouldn’t be able to ignore how he felt around her. That his chest was tight, an aching feeling, whenever she was in pain. How he could smile at just the sound of her name. The relief he felt when they were assigned to the same missions. How he found himself searching her out whenever he felt off, just to see her even if it was only laying around her apartment or going out to eat – something he’d never done with anyone, always preferring to isolate himself.
Feelings that had built up over the course of a year and he couldn’t even pinpoint the first moment, that shift in his heart. He supposed it didn’t matter.
They’d just finished their spar and the ninken Kakashi had summoned hanged around afterwards. They were sitting against a tree, the dogs laying around them and Kakashi watched as Sakura giggled from Bisuke licking her cheek. “Bisuke, cut it out!”
Bisuke nuzzled her neck and settled down in her lap. Sakura looked over at him with a bright smile, her eyes softening the longer she looked at him. “What?”
Kakashi didn’t know what kind of expression he’d had but he knew what was running through his mind. His heart squeezing in his chest, thinking about how beautiful Sakura looked as she laughed with one of his dogs in her lap.
He shook his head, something bittersweet on his tongue as he spoke. “Nothing, Sakura.”
She went back to scratching behind Bisuke’s ears, cooing at him like he wasn’t a tiny killing machine. Her shoulder leaned into him and Kakashi had the ridiculous thought to wrap an arm around her to pull her closer. His stomach coiled and he looked away from her, his eyes going to the training field in front of them.
Bull nudged his arm on his other side, and he glanced down to see a worried look. Kakashi straightened out his face and gave a small shake to his head, his hand going to rest on Bull’s back.
He could live with it. It was fine.
***
Sakura’s hands were covered in blood and Kakashi’s chest shook as his voice rose. His panic coated his voice with anger and he’d later regret speaking so harshly to her. “What the hell were you thinking ?”
Sakura was still panting, her eyes flickering to him as she looked down at her hands. Her chakra was glowing as it repaired the damage but Kakashi couldn’t stop thinking about what might have happened if she’d miscalculated even a centimeter. “Kakashi, I’m fine .”
“You are not fine .” Kakashi waved a hand in the air, vaguely aware of Naruto watching the argument unfold. He couldn’t find it in him to care all that much though, all his attention and adrenaline from the fight focused on the woman in front of him. “He almost sliced your hands off!”
“Well, he didn’t .” Sakura bit back, her eyes burning through him when she looked to him. “If I hadn’t jumped in, your chest would’ve been sliced through!”
Kakashi looked at her incredulously. “You caught a sword with your hands, Sakura! A sword that was aimed at me for a killing blow . Did you not think – “
Sakura stepped closer to him, her feet angrily digging into the ground. “I knew I could stop it from going all the way through with a coat of chakra. I didn’t know if you would make it, Kakashi. Don’t get mad at me – “
“Don’t get mad at you? Sakura, do you have any idea how much –” Kakashi’s mind was a jumbled mess but he could hear a voice telling him to stop before he said something stupid – or worse, something honest . His hand fell to his side and he shook his head, cutting his sentence off before it went somewhere he didn’t want it to.
He stepped back and away from her, turning on his heel. He felt Naruto’s eyes on him, but he didn’t stop him as he walked past. He heard her step towards him, but Naruto’s voice stopped her. “Sakura-chan, just let him cool down.”
Kakashi didn’t walk far. They hadn’t set up camp and though he doubted it, there could still be enemy nin nearby. He slipped through the trees and stopped just far enough away that he was out of earshot. He sat down at the base of a tree, his heart still racing either from the fight with the enemy or the fight with Sakura.
He leaned his head in his hand and closed his eyes. Images of Sakura jumping in front of him as he braced for a sword to his chest that he couldn’t dodge flashed through his mind and he opened his eyes again. He glared at a spot on a nearby tree and tried to calm down. He found it hard to regret for being angry with her but wished he were a more put together person, someone stable who knew how to communicate properly with the people they cared about. That he’d talked to her about it instead of yelling at her as she tried to heal her bleeding hands.
He wasn’t sure how long it took for him to calm his heart, his breathing going back to normal. But Sakura joined him soon after, sliding down beside him, her side pressed against his. He didn’t look at her, not wanting to see her eyes or the red in her hands.
Sakura waited a few minutes before nudging his shoulder. “Kakashi, can’t you look at me at least?”
He sighed and looked to her, a small smile on her face to match her worried eyes. She held up her hands in front of her, completely healed with the blood washed away. “See? They’re fine. I’m fine.”
Kakashi’s jaw locked and he tore his eyes away from her back to the forest. Sakura sighed and her voice went quiet. “I’m sorry if I scared you, Kakashi.”
Kakashi ran his fingers through his hair, leaning his head into the palm of his hand as he propped his elbow up on his knee. He didn’t reply, feeling stubborn and scared like she said. But he couldn’t admit it to her, not knowing if he’d able to stop how far the admission would go.
She huffed at his silence and he could hear a hint of annoyance in her voice. “ Kakashi . Don’t ignore me.”
Kakashi’s head turned back to her and he met her eyes. “Sakura, I don’t want to see you taking a hit for me.”
Sakura shrugged and countered, “Well, I don’t like it when I see you take hits for me, either, Kakashi.”
He narrowed his eyes at her. “That’s different.”
She smiled and shook her head. “No, it’s not, and you know it. You just don’t like being on the other end of it.”
“Sakura, you’re – “
She cut him off, turning to lean more into him. “If I want to protect you, Kakashi, then I will, and you can’t do anything about it.”
Kakashi sighed, already feeling himself giving into the argument just so it would stop. He hated it but she was right, he couldn’t stop her from doing what she wanted.
“You’re important to me, one of my best friends. Don’t get upset with me when I try to take care of you.”
Her voice was soft and reassuring, filling his chest with a warmth that made him smile. But the words made him feel like someone was choking him. He allowed himself to lean back into her, an unspoken apology. The two feelings battled inside him until they wrapped around each other to create something like a noose around his chest.
***
Kakashi heard about it randomly and found himself walking through the hospital moments later. The place reeked of antiseptic and his nerves stood on end, but he ignored the familiar feeling telling him hospitals weren’t happy places and to get the hell out of there.
He found her in her office. The door was locked but he could sense her in there. The small breaths made his heart ache and he knocked lightly on the door. He kept his voice soft as he called out to her, “Sakura, it’s me.”
She opened the door a second later, fingers gripping his shirt as she pulled him into her office, closing the door after him. The room was dark and Kakashi didn’t like to think about how long she might’ve been in here crying by herself with the door locked, hiding in case anyone looked for her.
She’d pressed him against the door, her forehead against his chest as tears spilled from her eyes. Kakashi’s heart broke and he wrapped his arms around her before bringing them to the floor. She moved her arms around his neck and cried against him. Kakashi hadn’t comforted too many people in his life but it felt right to lean his head against hers and rub a hand up and down her back.
“Sakura, he’s okay. Usui’s okay.”
It just made her cry harder and Kakashi winced, not knowing what else to say. He settled for leaning his back against the door and holding her, his heart reaching out for her as she found comfort in his arms. She hadn’t calmed down even minutes later and Kakashi brought a hand up to her hair, pulling her mess of a ponytail free. He combed his fingers through her hair and tried again.
“Sakura, Usui’s alive because you saved him.” Sakura shook her head into his neck, and he pressed on, keeping his voice soft. “Yes, you did. You’re an amazing sensei and like I told you a year ago, he’s lucky to have you. He’s going to be back to his goofy self in a matter of days because of you. Because his sensei is the most incredible medic and cares so much about him.”
Sakura had calmed a bit as he talked. Her voice was hoarse when she told him barely above a whisper, “It was terrifying, Kakashi.”
“I know.” Kakashi tightened his arms around her.
She turned her head on his shoulder and Kakashi could see a glimpse of red rimmed eyes out of the corner of his. “It’s bad enough seeing other kids on my operating table, I don’t want to see my own there.”
Kakashi sighed and a bitter truth fell out of his mouth between them. “I’m sorry, Sakura. I know it’s hard but… this is the life you chose, isn’t it? Being a medic. I’m sure Tsunade-sama has told you about the risks of it, of having to work on someone you love.”
Sakura nodded against him, her breathing finally steadying out. Tears rolled down her face as she cried, “Yes, but it’s still hard.”
Kakashi leaned his head against hers. “You were able to save him because of your skill. Don’t you think that’s worth the possible hardship?”
Sakura nodded again but didn’t say anything and tightened her arms around him. She’d stopped crying but Kakashi kept holding her. He mumbled into her hair when she turned her face back into his neck, “I’m here for you for the hardships.”
***
Most of the time, it didn’t hurt too much, and he could tell himself he could live with it.
Other times, he couldn’t.
Sakura sighed heavily beside him, poking at her food with thoughtful eyes. “Sasuke got officially accepted into his team .”
Kakashi fought back a sigh of his own, laying his chopsticks down, suddenly not hungry anymore. “He told me.”
“I’m going to miss him.” She had a sad smile on her face. Kakashi’s heart ached for both of them.
“I’m sure you’ll still see him, Sakura.”
She glanced at him and he didn’t know what she saw in his face, but it made her roll her eyes. She huffed. “I didn’t mean it like that . It’s just our team’s getting smaller and everyone’s drifting off to do their own thing. Yamato and then, Sai. Now, Sasuke.”
Kakashi hated the idiotic relief that washed through him. Sakura may be as over Sasuke as she said but it didn’t change anything. At least not for him.
He placed a hand on her shoulder and leaned towards her. “Sakura, we’ll always be close. Just because we don’t all go out on missions together anymore doesn’t mean that’s changed.”
“You’re right.” She nodded and then laughed softly at herself. “I guess, I just don’t like change.”
Kakashi chuckled, that faint tightness in his chest hard to ignore but he powered through it. “Not many people do. But sometimes change is good.”
She smiled at him, her eyes a little less sad when she turned back to her food. “Thanks, Kakashi.”
***
“I think you should tell her.”
Kakashi sighed and replied back as he grabbed some water from the fridge, “I think you should mind your own business, Tenzou.”
Tenzou rolled his eyes at him as he turned back to him, sliding a bottle across the counter to him. “ Senpai .”
Kakashi waved a hand at him and took a drink from his water. “Fine. I’ll humor you, why do you think I should tell her?”
Tenzou narrowed his eyes at him and then raised an eyebrow at him. “Because you’ll be happy?”
Kakashi snorted. Even in his thirties, his kohai was adorably optimistic. “Is that all you got?”
Tenzou huffed. “That should be reason enough to at least consider it.”
“How do you know I haven’t considered it?”
“ Seriously consider it, not fantasize about it, wishing you were someone else or that circumstances were different.”
Kakashi leaned his elbow on the counter as he rested his head in his hand. “You know me too well. You know, I think I’ve changed my mind; I don’t want to have this conversation with you.”
“Kakashi-senpai.” When he didn’t reply, Tenzou sighed and asked him quieter, “I’ll humor you. Why don’t you think it’s a good idea?”
Kakashi turned his head, his eyes going to the wrapper on the waiter bottle in his other hand. “Tenzou, it just wouldn’t.”
Tenzou did know him too well and knew he’d lost the conversation, that Kakashi had already put his walls back up. He gave him one last thought, “I think you need to care about yourself a little more. You’re not even giving yourself a fighting chance.”
The thing was, Kakashi didn’t think he had a fighting chance whether he tried or not.
***
Kakashi slipped in through the window in her office, receiving an annoyed but fond glare in return. He bowed his head. “Tsunade-sama, you wanted to see me?”
She gestured toward the chairs in front of her desk. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
Kakashi sat down in the chair and Tsunade met his eyes. There was a serious look in her eyes that made the apprehension in his stomach only increase as she said her next words, “I’m getting ready to have the next Hokage take over.”
Kakashi nodded and she continued, “Did you know Naruto doesn’t want to do it anymore?”
“He told me.”
Tsunade chuckled and looked off to the side. “Damn brat, after all that trouble.” But her words didn’t have any bite to them and Kakashi didn’t think she really minded as much as she showed.
She shook her head and looked back to him. Kakashi felt dread start to coil in his stomach and she must’ve seen it in his face because she rolled her eyes. “Not you. I have a better idea.”
Kakashi didn’t hide his relief, leaning back in the chair. “Anyone else would be a better idea.”
Tsunade leaned forward, crossing her arms on the desk with an eager smile. “It’s Sakura.”
“Sakura?” Kakashi looked at her in surprise, not having expected it.
Tsunade nodded and Kakashi didn’t think he’d ever seen the woman look so excited. She waved a hand at him. “What do you think?”
Kakashi didn’t immediately answer, wanting to give it some serious thought.
Sakura was an incredible woman and he’d always thought that. He didn’t know if she would like being Hokage, but he supposed she would suit the job well. She was compassionate and would take everyone’s needs into consideration when making decisions. She was intelligent and people didn’t fool her easily. She wasn’t the type to get pushed around either. She had drive and…
Kakashi felt himself smile, the more he thought about it. “She’d probably be the best Hokage we’d ever have.”
Tsunade let out a bark of laughter and slammed her hand on the desk before pointing at him. “I think so too!”
Kakashi shrugged and had to say, “If she’ll take it.”
Tsunade’s smile lessened a bit but there was still a spark in her eye. “Well, we’ll have to see what she says.”
***
“Well, she accepted, didn’t she?” Kakashi leaned with his back against the window.
Tsunade sighed and didn’t turn to look at him, her eyes on the paperwork in front of her. Kakashi didn’t think she was actually reading it though. “She did. But she fought me on it. I – I don’t know, Kakashi. I told her she didn’t have to do it if she didn’t want to.”
Kakashi felt like he knew Sakura well enough that she wouldn’t take it because she felt like she had to. He told Tsunade as much, but it didn’t soothe her.
“Just – “ She sighed and her voice was soft as she asked him, “Look after her when I’m gone, alright? I know you’ll do it anyway, but I just worry.”
Kakashi chuckled and tried to ease her tension, leaning off the wall and stepping towards her. “Mah, Tsunade-sama, I think you’ve gotten soft in your old age.”
Tsunade glared at him but he spotted a smile on her lips. “Brat.”
***
Kakashi’s eyes went to her again but she hadn’t moved from her spot against the wall. He finally let his feet carry him over to her. He leaned in close to her when he reached her, trying for a smile. “Deep thoughts?”
He felt himself melt at how her shoulders relaxed at the sound of his voice, then felt guilty about not coming over sooner. She gave him a small smile and shrugged her shoulders. “A little.”
Kakashi leaned against the wall beside her and chuckled, hoping it would ease some of the tension in her back. “You look like you’d rather be anywhere else.”
She plastered a smile on her face and Kakashi felt his heart break. “Better?”
He gave her a sympathetic smile. “Yes.”
Sakura dropped her smile and gave him a more honest look, telling him, “I’m still trying to figure out how to feel about it.”
Kakashi sighed, his eyes looking out at the crowd that was dancing to the festive music. “I think that’s more than understandable.” He glanced at her and raised an eyebrow. “Though I had hoped you would’ve thought about it more before accepting.”
He’d thought she might come to him after Tsunade asked her, ask him what he thought – not that he would’ve pushed her towards either answer. But she hadn’t. He’d been a little disappointed, liking how she sought him out for advice and comfort over the years. But after he thought about it, he was glad she’d made the decision on her own. He didn’t think she’d even talked about it with Naruto.
Before he could rethink his assumption that she wouldn’t do it just because Tsunade asked, she told him, “I did think about it. I have… my reasons for accepting. I just don’t know how to articulate them. Maybe I don’t even understand them myself.”
Kakashi opened his mouth to reply but was interrupted by a booming voice calling out to him. “Kakashi!”
He looked out over the crowd to see Gai waving at him and he fought back a laugh, rolling his eyes. He’d dressed up for the inauguration party, but almost every article clothing was still green. Kakashi glanced at Sakura hesitantly. He was tempted to stay with her but fought it, knowing she needed to come to terms with it by herself. He couldn’t hover over her.
He leaned off the wall and told her quietly, feeling warmth lace through his voice, “Well, if it means anything, I’m proud of you and I think you’ll figure it out in your own time. I know you’ll do great things as our leader, Sakura-sama .” The honorific fell from his lips easily and Kakashi felt his heart skip a beat at the light blush on her cheeks. He couldn’t stop himself from winking at her before slipping away and walking over to Gai.
When he looked over to her later, she was laughing with some other shinobi. Her hair was peaking out over her shoulders, her skin looking warm from the lanterns hanging in the air. Kakashi felt himself smile and forced his eyes away from her. He thought about how lucky he was to have such a beautiful Hokage.
***
Kakashi saw very little of Sakura over the next few weeks. He missed her but whenever he did see her, she looked so tired and he didn’t want to monopolize her free time while she tried to adjust to her new role. Tenzou told him he was being ridiculous, and that Sakura probably missed him too. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that Sakura needed some time to herself.
He was standing at the memorial stone, his names fixed on names like always though one created provoked different thoughts than when he was younger. He didn’t spend as much time here as he used to, but he found himself here every now and then.
He didn’t have to look to know it was Sasuke who had dropped down beside him. His mask was hooked on his hip as he crossed his arms over his ANBU uniform. Kakashi couldn’t help but tease him, “I don’t know if they’ve changed the rules, but you’re really not supposed to take the mask off while you’re in uniform, Sasuke-kun.”
Sasuke snorted and kicked at the dirt mindlessly. “I’m just with you and I don’t think Sakura-sama will mind.”
Kakashi chuckled, a smile coming to his lips. “How is our esteemed Hokage doing?”
Sasuke slipped his hands in his pockets and Kakashi tried to not think about how much alike they were. His voice was low and his tone annoyed, but he couldn’t hide the affection there. “Oh, you know, overworking herself like she always does no matter where she is.”
Kakashi sighed, leaning his head back to look up at the sky. “Is that why you came to see me?”
Sasuke chuckled and bumped his shoulder against his. He told him with an amused drawl, “Maybe I just miss my old sensei.”
Kakashi rolled his eyes at him but couldn’t help his smile. “Don’t call me old.”
Sasuke chuckled again and then told him after a minute a little more serious, “I don’t know. She takes what you say into more consideration than she does me and Naruto.”
Kakashi laughed and looked at him with a raised eyebrow. “She does not.”
Sasuke shrugged and added, “She does. But maybe it’s just because of how stupid we act sometimes.”
“Mah, I can’t argue that.”
Sasuke shoved him and then, leaned back on his heel, reaching for his mask. He spared Kakashi a look and told him, “Talk to her, for my sanity’s sake. Please.”
Kakashi couldn’t help the jab, “I guess it can’t be helped then. We wouldn’t want you to lose it again.”
Sasuke rolled his eyes and slipped his mask on. Kakashi watched him walk away, giving him the finger over his shoulder before slipping into the trees.
***
After seeing her the other night ago, dragging her feet with a thoughtful smile as he saw her leave the hospital, Kakashi couldn’t stop thinking about her. That tired look in her eyes, how she still didn’t feel comfortable walking around in her robes. He was worried about her but felt some pride there too.
He wasn’t too surprised to see her lending a helping hand at the hospital when she was finished with Hokage duties. It was part of why he’d thought she would be a good leader. Sakura had always had this hunger to help other people, however she could even if she had to bloody her hands. She didn’t let others do her work either, stepping into the front lines herself even as she directed them. Her compassion guided her feet wherever they needed to go. Even if it were an examination room, she would go, donned in Hokage attire and all.
The amount of respect for her hadn’t been small in the slightest before she was Hokage, but he felt it dive even deeper into him. He couldn’t help his worry, though, and he rethought his plan of keeping his distance to give her some space to think. He felt like she still needed someone to lean on from time to time and even if he didn’t think he deserved it deep down, he selfishly wanted to be that person anyway.
Even if it didn’t go anywhere, Kakashi thought he might try a little harder for her. At least, to show her he cared, that he was there to support her, that he’d catch her if she fell.
Maybe Tenzou was right.
It could hurt – he imagined it would hurt quite more than a bit if it didn’t go the way he wanted. But he could live with it. As long as she was happy, he didn’t care at the end of the day what happened to him.
***
He took her out to dinner a couple nights later, realizing how much he had missed her as she talked throughout the night. She had told him as much, but he could feel that she had missed him just by the way she smiled. He ignored the guilt that came with the fact and focused on the warmth from it.
She’d just finished telling him a story about a ridiculous patient she’d had – even as Hokage, she still had her medic stories . Kakashi asked her about something he’d heard earlier that day, “I heard you made a new council.”
“Ah, ah, ah.” Sakura held a finger up at him and wagged it at him like she was a school teacher. “I did . But no politics tonight.”
Kakashi chuckled and raised an eyebrow at her. “Don’t want to mix business with pleasure, Sakura-sama?”
She laughed lightly, pink dusting across her cheeks. Her hand came down to the table to hit it and though it wasn’t as hard, Kakashi had to fight back a laugh at the memory of Tsunade doing the same thing. “Exactly.”
“Alright.” He gave her a soft smile and waved a hand. “Can I at least ask how you’re doing?”
Sakura gave him a look but smiled. “I told you I wasn’t overworking myself and I’m not .”
Kakashi narrowed his eyes at her. “I might ask my little birdie to double check, just to be sure.”
Sakura rolled her eyes at him. “I’m sure Sasuke will tell you the same thing.”
“You’re really not supposed to give away little birdies’ identities, Sakura-chan. It’s bad practice.”
Sakura snorted and picked up her wine glass. “I’ll try and remember for the future.”
“Sakura, are you happy?” Kakashi asked her softly as he walked her home after dinner.
Sakura didn’t reply immediately, and it broke his heart a little that she had to think about it. But he supposed it meant she wanted to give him an honest answer. Her arm brushed his as they walked and Kakashi’s eyes traced over where the moonlight caressed the skin of her cheekbones.
After a moment, she told him with a small smile, “I think so.”
Kakashi smiled back and then she teased him, bumping her arm with his. “I’m happy right now at least, with you.”
Kakashi felt a laugh in his chest. It was ironic how romantic the line was, walking her home under the moonlight after a late dinner. But even though he knew she didn’t mean it that way, it made his heart melt all the same.
He met her eyes, his voice warm as he replied, “You make me happy, too.”
***
Kakashi was trying more with Sakura. He saw her when he could, dropping by her office to steal her away for food, checking on her when he ran into her in the street. It was amazing to watch her grow under her role as Hokage. First it was the new council and now she had done away with child soldiers in an afternoon. Kakashi didn’t think he’d ever been more in awe of someone before and his tongue itched to tell her just that.
She was beautiful. A blush on her cheeks after he’d teased her. The way she sighed into her tea with a satisfied smile. The kindness in her eyes as she bent down to comfort a child who wasn’t pleased about being taken off the mission roster.
She was just… amazing and Kakashi was so in love with her. He felt like he fell deeper each moment he was with her and he wondered how far the abyss went. He was thankful to be a part of her life in whatever capacity she wanted him. He found himself walking to the Hokage Tower without thought, his heart reaching out for her. He’d decided to see her as much as he could, until she seemed tired of him and made excuses to not see him.
She never did and Kakashi felt drunk off the smile she gave him when he opened the door to her office. How her shoulder relaxed when she met his eyes. He wouldn’t ever say she wore a mask as concealing as his, but she dropped the small façade she put up when she was with him. Kakashi selfishly wanted to keep it for himself, her smiles and the warmth in her eyes.
Kakashi was a little more obvious about his feelings towards her, just enough so she wouldn’t doubt she’d been imagining it. He hadn’t expected her to blush when he leaned in close to her. How she would become flustered and avoid eye contact. The heavy look in her eyes when he called her Sakura-sama .
He both loved and hated how she planted hope in his chest.
***
He’d taken Naruto out for lunch after the man won a spar with him. It was getting a little unfair at this point but Kakashi supposed he didn’t mind. Naruto was rattling off a story to him and Kakashi lost track of what he was saying as a couple women sat on the other side of him.
“Oh, that’s just a rumor. You can’t believe everything you hear.”
“Look, I know what you think, but I heard it from…”
“But do you really think Sakura-sama is seeing someone?”
Kakashi felt his heart pause as Naruto faltered in his sentence. Naruto caught his eye before subtly looking over at the two women.
“I mean, I don’t ever see her with anyone in particular – “
“I see her with people all the time! I wonder who it is.”
“She’s really beautiful. He must be very handsome.”
The other woman laughed. “We don’t even know if it’s true, remember?”
“The whole village is talking about it! Yuki heard her telling someone the other day ago…”
Kakashi tapped his chopsticks against Naruto’s bowl, bringing the man’s attention back to him. He tried for a smile, something cold in his chest. “What were you saying earlier?”
Naruto chuckled and turned back to his food. “Right, so anyway – crazy rumor, huh – but like I was saying –“
It was just a stupid rumor. People gossiped about their Hokages all the time and this wasn’t any different. He remembered one crazy rumor that Minato-sensei had a mistress in another village that had the man crying to Kushina it wasn’t true as she laughed with love in her eyes.
But Kakashi couldn’t get it out of his mind. Maybe he would’ve been able to if he didn’t have to overhear it wherever he went. Maybe it would’ve stuck with him no matter what.
Probably.
Kakashi couldn’t stop the thoughts that followed, and he debated asking Naruto for an all out spar that would probably end up with him in the hospital just so he could focus on something else. What if he had been imaging all of it? An old fool just seeing what he wanted to?
Voices in his head argued back and forth and Kakashi craved silence. The other voice, smaller and optimistic, told him it was only a rumor. That he hadn’t imagine anything. That if he reached out for Sakura, she would reach right back. That if he whispered in her ear, she would blush and hit him in the shoulder with an embarrassed smile.
***
Kakashi felt nervous the next time he came by her office and invited her out to eat. It didn’t help that she looked almost startled when he walked in. She kept glancing at him as they walked down the street and then grabbed his arm.
“Hey, how about we eat at my place for tonight?”
Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her and couldn’t help but tease her, “You want to cook for me?”
She blushed and it eased some tension in his chest. She looked away from him as she rolled her eyes. “I was thinking we could cook together . I’m still not the best at it. But I’m getting tired of eating out all the time.”
Kakashi chuckled warmly, his heart squeezing in his chest. “Sure. Though, I haven’t cooked much since I was a kid. I used to be pretty good at it.” He shrugged and looked down at her. “Maybe I can show you a few things .”
Sakura’s looked up at him with a lovely blush and ignored his stupid innuendo. “I’d like that.”
Sakura was a horrible cook and Kakashi would laugh at her if he didn’t think it was adorable how easily she got frustrated in the kitchen.
When she pulled out the ingredients for miso soup and then eggplant, Kakashi felt himself smile as he helped her prepare it. He was turning into such a sap, being touched just because Sakura remembered his favorite meal.
She brought it up as they cooked, her eyes on the cutting board in front of her as she asked him in a casual voice, “So, how bad is that rumor about me getting around?”
Kakashi kept his own eyes on the pot in front of him and faked nonchalance. “Which one?”
“The one where I’m actually Naruto in a pink wig,” Sakura joked with him, but he could hear the tightness in her voice.
“Where do you keep buying all these wigs?” Kakashi asked her, biding time as he thought about how he was going to navigate this conversation.
Sakura chuckled in response and didn’t say anything else. Kakashi knew she wanted a real reply and he tried to figure out the kind of answer she wanted, what she was looking for, why she’d even asked him. The sound of her knife hitting the cutting board was loud and Kakashi fought to not wince at it as the seconds went by.
“I…” Kakashi started hesitantly and then felt Sakura’s eyes on him. He didn’t look at her though and simply said, “I assumed it wasn’t true.”
Sakura’s voice was less strained when she spoke again, “It’s not.”
Kakashi finally looked at her to see a soft smile and felt himself smile in return, his body relaxing. The tension in the air dropped and Kakashi felt more comfortable asking her about it, now that he knew he could laugh at it. “How did that rumor start anyway? Do you know?”
Sakura’s mood shifted instantly and Kakashi would’ve laughed if she didn’t have a blade in her hand. She started ranting about a sleazy advisor from the daimyo that wouldn’t stop hitting on her until she made up a lie about being with someone. Kakashi almost laughed then as he took the knife from her before she could start waving it around. He felt like a bit of an idiot, worried over gossip Sakura had started herself .
Sakura was a horrible cook. He’d left the woman with the soup for a minute and she’d managed to burn it. Not that he cared in the slightest, with the adorable way she pouted as she looked down at it, nestled into his side on her couch.
Kakashi felt a laugh finally fall from his lips as he comforted her, “It’s really not bad, Sakura.” His heart raced and he tentatively wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Sakura leaned into him almost instantly and he relaxed back against the couch, pulling her closer. “Maybe some more practice will help.”
Sakura laughed softly and made herself comfortable against him. “Yeah, I guess you’ll have to keep coming over.”
Kakashi smiled into her hair as he leaned his head against hers. He gave her a put-upon sigh and said, “I guess so.”
***
Kakashi walked into her office to find her bent over her desk with scrolls surrounding her. She glanced up at him with a smile and looked back down. “Kakashi, I don’t think I can do dinner tonight. I really need to finish this.”
Kakashi looked over at her advisor, Misaki, when the woman sighed with her eyes narrowed at her Hokage. She caught his eye and gave a slight shake of her head. Kakashi smiled and walked over to Sakura’s desk. He leaned towards her with his hands on the edge of the desk. “Do you really need to finish it tonight?”
Sakura huffed and leaned back in her chair, taking her scroll with her. “ Yes , Kakashi, go away.”
Kakashi bit back a laugh and rounded the desk, Sakura comically turning her chair away from him.
Kakashi spun her chair back around and leaned forward with his hands on her armrest. She met his eyes with a light blush, but then glared. “Kakashi – “
Kakashi smiled at her and raised an eyebrow. “Sakura-sama, you work too hard. Let me take you home.”
Sakura’s blush deepened but she stubbornly insisted, “The new school has already begun construction. I need to – “
Kakashi grabbed the scroll in her hands and set it on the desk, catching her hand when she reached back for it. “Come on. I’ll make you dinner and maybe even bake you some cookies.”
Sakura laughed, her eyes warm as she looked at him, letting her hand wrap around his. She raised an eyebrow at him. “Are you really trying to bait me with cookies, Kakashi?”
“I know how much of a sweet tooth you have. Whatever works.”
Sakura bit her lip as she looked at him and Kakashi’s eyes glanced to the movement. “You don’t even like sweets.”
Kakashi chuckled and stood back, pulling on their joined hands. Sakura let him pull her up with a sigh as he told her softly, “Maybe I’m starting to get a taste for it with how much time I spend with you.”
Sakura rolled her eyes at him and looked over at Misaki as he took a step back, dropping her hand. “Misaki-chan, don’t stay too late.”
Misaki replied with sass in her voice, a smile on her lips as she continued reading whatever paper was in front of her, “Don’t worry. I’m not a workaholic like you, Sakura-sama.”
Sakura grumbled under her breath but leaned into Kakashi as he wrapped an arm around her waist and led her to the door.
***
Kakashi couldn’t stop his laugh and hugged her from behind, leaning his forehead against her shoulder to muffle the sounds. But she heard him anyway and groaned, leaning her head back. “Don’t laugh at me!”
Kakashi picked his head up to look at her, warmth sprouting in his chest as she pouted against him. “Sakura, the only thing I asked you to do was to take the cookies out of the oven.” He reached around her to grab a spatula and poked at the dark pieces on the baking sheet. Another laugh fell from his lips. “And you burned them to a crisp . How did you even manage that? You know, you’re honestly quite impressive.”
She hit him in the shoulder and mumbled with red cheeks, crossing her arms over her chest. “I couldn’t find the oven mits and I got distracted looking for them. And then…”
Kakashi brushed his lips against her hair as he moved away towards the fridge. “I’ll make you some more.”
Sakura sighed but had an affectionate smile as she watched him pull out some eggs. “Okay, but I refuse to be involved in this until they’re on a plate in front of me.”
Kakashi chuckled. “Deal.”
***
Kakashi felt his knees buckle and he fell to the ground, his hand reaching out for the tree beside him. His fingers were bloody against the bark and pain coursed through his veins. His head felt dizzy and it hurt when he breathed out.
Fuck.
Kakashi groaned and used the tree to help him get back up. The action took so much out of him and he clutched at his chest, his vest soaked with blood. He breathed out and looked down the road ahead of him.
He had to keep moving.
He put his foot in front of the other, gritting his teeth from the pain of moving his muscles. He was making it worse by moving but what other option was there? He was alone, there wasn’t any help coming. It was try or die.
He just had to get to her, to see her.
The image of her smiling flashed through his mind and Kakashi felt his eyes burn as he dragged his feet against the ground. He had to see her.
He didn’t want to die out here. For one, he felt like his life finally had some good in it and it was cruel for it to end all right now before he could even appreciate it. But also, he just couldn’t do that to her. Not to Sakura. To not return home, have her worried, sending out search teams. Days would go by and she wouldn’t sleep. More days would go by and she’d send ANBU, someone specialized in corpse retrieval. He couldn’t… he couldn’t let her make that call. Not for him.
It didn’t matter if it was romantic or not, he knew Sakura loved him. She’d loved him for years, long before he’d fell for her. She hadn’t lost anyone close to her. He didn’t want to do that to her. He didn’t want to be first love she’d lost. For her to cry when she thought about him. For her to have to sign his name on documents that labelled him KIA. He didn’t want that. He couldn’t do that to her.
So, he walked, and he walked.
He tried summoning the ninken, but he didn’t have enough chakra for it and the repeated attempts only made him more exhausted.
He was near the village when it started to pour and Kakashi wondered with a bitter smile if he would be washed away with the rain.