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He was semi-sober the first time it crossed his mind, watching her as a man who wasn’t him touched her and danced with her and made her laugh and whispered things into her ear all the while Sokka sat, tightly clutching the glass in his hand.
Toph had made it a year of opening and operating her second metalbending academy in Omashu all the while starting up the metalbending police force in Republic City, and Katara had the brilliant idea of throwing his virtually unsurprisable best friend a surprise party for her achievements. As much as he tried warning his sister that Toph would more than likely catch wind of the party before the planning phase was over, Katara insisted.
So Sokka was given the task to keep the event as under wraps as he could, but the moment he stepped into her office for lunch the day Katara had sprung the idea upon him, Toph squinted her eyes at him and he sang like a canary.
“Try to act surprised at least? She might kill me if she knows I slipped.”
“I can do that,” she said with a shrug, resting her feet on her desk and taking a bite of her noodles. “But I want to bring a date.”
Trying not to act surprised, Sokka raised a brow and swallowed the newly formed lump in his throat. “A—a date?”
“Yeah. Remember Satoru?”
“Vaguely.” Yes.
“Well, he dropped by the academy the week before last and we started talking again and, I don’t know, I—I just want to bring him as my date.” She scowled, tossing a lone chopstick at his chest as a blush feathered her cheeks. “Quit interrogating me, will you? That’s my job.”
A million questions floated to his mind, all involving Toph and Satoru and why they even started talking again. They had ended things on good terms, which made Sokka happy because the last thing he wanted was for Toph to be unhappy, but he never thought that she and Satoru would get back together again, despite that.
Then, he wondered why he was bothered by their reconnection. He should have been happy for Toph for letting someone into her life again. And Satoru was a great guy, he truly was, but Sokka never really thought he would be the best guy for Toph. That wasn’t up to him to decide, though, so he should have been happy for her.
The party took place a week and two days after that lunch, and all Sokka could think about for nine days was Toph and Satoru getting back together again.
Katara had made him promise to head over to Air Temple Island early enough to help set up, but he ended up getting there a half hour before the guest of honor arrived. Naturally, he received a scolding from Katara, who told him that this was his best friend and that he should have been there early! He simply sighed and did what he could before Aang announced that her ship had just docked as he knocked back a few drinks to mentally prepare for Toph’s arrival.
The sight of her when she walked through the door with a faux look of astonishment on her face made him grin, but the same way the smile etched its way onto his face, it dropped once his eyes fell on Toph gripping Satoru’s hand. He took the final sip of his drink and appreciated the feeling of the liquid slipping down his throat.
Sokka exhaled and walked over to give Toph a hug that she refused to return for a few seconds but warmed up to quickly after dropping Satoru’s hand. He laughed into her hair and told her, “Nice job acting surprised. Impeccable job.”
“Might quit metalbending and policing for acting. Think it might be a good career move for me, Snoozles?”
“I don’t know. Who will be on the streets of Republic City kicking ass and taking names, then?”
Toph tapped a finger on her chin. “You’re right. The city’ll suffer.”
“Mhm. Can’t have that.”
Satoru, who Sokka had forgotten was there for a split second, said, “You’d make a great actress.”
Sokka clenched his jaw and stuck his hand out to Satoru. “Nice to see you around again.”
“Yeah, you too, Sokka.” Satoru firmly shook his hand. “How’ve you been?”
They dove into small talk that Sokka couldn’t care to pay attention to because all his focus was stolen by his best friend. He smiled and nodded and responded to what Satoru told him as he watched Toph excuse herself and make her rounds around Aang’s house.
She was dressed in green robes—an uncharacteristic but very welcome sight to see—and her hair was half down, the way he liked it. While he understood why her hair was always up in its bun, he had always enjoyed seeing her with her hair down. She looked radiant. She always did.
Sokka’s throat dried up at the thought, so he grabbed a glass of whatever the servers were passing out off a platter and drank it all in one go. Finally fed up with the mundane conversation he was having with Satoru, he politely excused himself, gave him a friendly pat on the back, and walked out toward the cliffside behind the temple. But not before grabbing another glass of the mystery drink that was making him feel warm.
The view and the strong wind from that side of the island were always perfect, especially when he needed to take a second for himself. He sat down and let his legs hang off the edge of the cliff. Toph usually accompanied him whenever she was around, but he was sure that she was too busy with her guests and her date to want to join him.
He took a sip of his drink and tried to rid himself of the thoughts he was having about his best friend and of the envy that he felt toward Satoru, who was able to touch her whenever he wanted, kiss her whenever he wanted, do whatever he wanted to with her as long as she was okay with it. He could see them clearly enjoying their time together through one of the large glass sliding doors in Aang’s dwelling and as much as he wanted to peel his eyes away to save himself the inexplicable agony, he couldn’t do it.
When he went for another sip of his drink, he realized that he was white-knuckling the glass and he groaned to himself. There wasn’t a reason for him to feel this way, especially when he knew that even if he did accept whatever he was feeling right then, the feeling wouldn’t be reciprocated because Toph was happy. And he’d wanted nothing, nothing less than that for her.
But, Spirits, he also wanted to stand, strut up to her, and press his lips to hers, tenderly and fervently and unapologetically.
This was new to him, feeling this way about Toph. And he hadn’t noticed it until Satoru came back into the picture. At first, he thought that he was afraid of losing his friend because she was in a relationship, but he quickly dismissed that thought. If there was anything Sokka was certain about it was that no significant other of theirs would ever get in the way of that.
Then, he wondered if he, maybe, had an issue with Satoru, but that wasn’t it either. The guy was decent and intelligent and Sokka could tell that Satoru held Toph in very high esteem—to the point that he gawked often—so there was no reason why he should dislike him.
Unless he was jealous of what Satoru had.
It was then that Sokka tried to deny his feelings because in no world should he be into Toph that way. It made no sense. Their friendship was too important to him to put at risk for something he wasn’t sure about.
But the thought of him having feelings for Toph continued circling around his brain, day in and day out from the moment the thought came about.
He was spiraling.
“Hey, dipshit,” Toph said, materializing at his side, breaking him out of his thoughts. She gave his ankle a playful kick. “What are you doing out here all alone? Tired of the shindig already?”
“Nah, I just like it out here. You know how much I like risking my life on cliffs.”
Toph took a few more steps before sitting down right next to him, their thighs touching, lighting Sokka’s body on fire. She snorted at his comment. “Always living on the edge.”
“Oh, yeah. Soon, I’ll be known as a cliff diver and you’ll have nothing on me.”
“A cliff diver who won’t make it down the cliff.”
Sokka scoffed and gave her a friendly shove before downing the rest of his drink. “Thanks for the vote of confidence.”
Silence passed between them as the wind blew in his face. He shut his eyes for a few seconds, trying to get himself together, trying to not think about anything other than the fact that he was there to celebrate his best friend’s triumphs, not to feel some type of way about her relationship or her. But his centering moment was interrupted when she nudged his ribs with her elbow.
“You sure you’re good, Snoozles?”
I think I’m in love with you, so no. I’m not okay, Toph.
“All good, Beifong.”
The second time he thought it, he wasn’t as sober as he would have liked since Toph had managed to get him drinking cactus juice like a kid again.
She showed up at his shoebox apartment with beer and distilled cactus juice and fire whiskey and told him that it was cause for celebration because her squad had finally caught this triad that was causing all kinds of trouble around Republic City.
And despite his many protests about him not feeling up to it—especially after he spent his entire day lamenting that he couldn’t kiss her whenever he wanted to—Toph pushed her way into his apartment, dumped all her alcohol on his kitchen counter, and smugly lifted an eyebrow at him.
“You’re not going to make me drink alone, are you?”
“I damn well should.”
“Where’s the fun in that?”
Sokka tilted his head, deadpan. “In not waking up with a nasty hangover tomorrow.”
Toph shoved a beer into his hand and said, “Deal with it and drink with me, Snoozles. It’s been a while since we’ve done this. Come on.”
Reluctantly, he popped the top off his beer and took a few swigs from the bottle. Hours later, though, he found himself drunk off the taste of cactus juice as they played their likely eightieth round of Dai Di on top of his bed. Sokka was losing as he always did when he played against her.
At one point during that round, Sokka found himself staring at Toph as she drank out of her glass. He watched as she brought the glass to her lips, the way her throat bobbed when she swallowed the drink, the way her tongue would poke out and dart over her lips to lick away any cactus juice left over.
It made him feel some type of way.
Having not allowed himself to think much about his newfound feelings for his best friend, Sokka gave himself the opportunity to do so then as he was fully inebriated.
She and Satoru had called it quits a few months back and Toph was as happy as ever. Sokka would watch her, worried that the break-up or whatever it had been had affected her to some degree, but she proved to be fine as she went along on other dates and even spent some nights with other guys.
And he had to pretend he wasn’t bothered by it when, in fact, he was.
She was seated directly across from him, cards firmly in hand with a smirk playing on her lips at the fact that she was winning. Her lips were moving but the words she was speaking were lost on him because absolutely nothing was more important than Sokka visually taking her in.
Toph was taking her time selecting which card to put down next, biting her bottom lip the way she did when she was thinking. At that moment, Sokka felt the overwhelming need to reach over, will her lip out from the hold of her teeth, and kiss her senseless.
All he wanted to do was grab her and kiss her and tell her that he wanted her all for himself. But that would have been stupid because she would never return his feelings for her. She would probably bury him on the spot rather than explore a relationship with him, he knew that. They were friends, best friends, and she wasn’t going to put that at risk. And frankly, he shouldn’t have been thinking of doing that either.
But evidently, that fact didn’t stop him from doing the most ridiculously idiotic thing possible.
He was so fucking stupid because he stretched over to her, grabbed her by the back of her neck, and kissed her as if his life depended on it. To his surprise, she responded in seconds, her lips hungrily devouring his almost as eagerly as his were consuming hers.
This kiss was unlike anything he’d felt before. It was hot and it was fierce and it was intense. Sokka could taste the entirety of the alcohol she had consumed that night when his tongue darted into her mouth, tasting her warmth as she pulled him in closer and closer to her.
Eventually, they were spread out on his bed, her on top of him, his hands tangled in her hair as they made out like a bunch of giddy and irresponsible teenagers.
Unfortunately for him, Toph pulled away and rested her forehead against his. “If we do this, it changes everything. You know that, right?”
Sluggishly, he raised a hand and brushed a strand of her hair behind her ear and out of her face. “It doesn’t have to. We can still be Toph and Sokka. That’s all that matters.”
“Toph and Sokka,” she echoed, letting herself relax against his torso. Her fingers came up to his face and she very gently traced his features, rousing his every nerve and causing goosebumps to spread all over his body. He might have shivered. Finally, her hand flattened against his cheek. “I like that.”
“And I like you.”
She laughed quietly against his lips. “Spirits. What are you doing to me, Sokka?”
To you? he mentally questioned her as his fingers undid the buttons that held her tunic together and intensely pressed his lips to hers. I have no clue. But what I do know, kind of, is that I think I’m in love with you.
The first time he said it, however, he was laughed at. But at least he was sober.
For the better part of eight months, Sokka worked to convince himself that what he was doing with Toph—sleeping with her and not going any farther than that—was enough when he knew damn well that it wasn’t. That it never would be.
What made it worse was that there were times that he was certain that she felt the exact same way he did. He was convinced that the way she kissed him was different, the way they would have sex was different, and the way they communicated was different when in reality, it was very clearly all in his head.
When they agreed on meeting at his apartment, they would have sex, she would knock out on top of his chest or with his arm draped over her waist, he would watch her sleep for a little while in the least creepy way possible, he would fall asleep, and by the time he woke up the next morning, she was gone. And when they agreed to meet at hers, she wouldn’t let him fall asleep and would usher him out the door almost immediately after they’d finished.
Sokka felt oh so very loved on those occasions, making him even more doubtful of the reciprocation of his feelings.
And any time he would try to bring up their arrangement, Toph would just shrug and brush it off, telling him that they didn’t have to talk about it. So they never did, and he never pressed. Because he was an idiot.
An idiot who thought he was in love with his best friend.
But at least they were still Toph and Sokka.
He figured that this was fine. They were fine. She was still in his life, he was still in hers, and that was all that mattered to him.
One night after they had both gotten done with work, Toph invited him out for dinner and drinks. He should have declined, he should have told her he was busy that evening because it was what would have been best for him, but he found himself accepting her invitation anyway.
He couldn’t stay away no matter how hard he tried… despite never really trying.
Toph spoke to him about her day at work, about the progress her Omashu academy was making, about how she was getting fed up with the rookies’ mistakes, and Sokka could only marvel at her. He felt like a goddamn fool, but he didn’t care at that point as he watched her speak so animatedly.
So this is love.
Sokka shook himself off at that thought and gave Toph a gentle, telling kick under the table. “Do you want to get out of here?”
She was quiet for a second, nibbling on her bottom lip in that way that made him go absolutely feral, and she wordlessly slipped out of the booth and walked out of the restaurant, expecting him to follow her. And like a dog on a leash, he did.
They walked together, anticipation and electricity coursing through their veins as they practically ran to Sokka’s apartment. They didn’t even make it down the hall that led to his door before Toph grabbed him by the back of the neck and pulled him into her.
Sokka fumbled in his pocket for his keys, but it took Toph no time to flick her hand toward the lock on his door to unlock it and push him into the apartment.
The act aroused him even more if possible.
Sokka felt weak at the knees as he hooked his hands on the backs of her knees and propped her up onto his torso to carry her to his room. He dropped her onto his bed, where they peeled off the annoying amount of layers of clothing they wore, and they came together again and again until they grew too exhausted to continue.
For the first time since they started this, Toph lay awake in his arms, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. She was practically unmoving if not for the soft brushes of her fingers against his chest.
Goosebumps covered his skin as he gently scratched her scalp, watching how her eyes fluttered closed and how she breathed out a calmed sigh. Them being like this felt right, it felt as though they were meant to stay like this for the rest of their lives and he didn’t mind it.
It scared the living shit out of him because there was still this side of him that thought about the loss of her friendship as a whole if he told her anything about how he felt, but he wanted this. At the very least, he wanted to try for it.
“I’m going to tell you something and you have to promise you won’t freak,” he spoke suddenly, his trepidation beginning to increase.
Toph propped herself up on her elbow and squinted her eyes in the direction of his face as she lightly ran her fingers up and down his forearm. “Why?”
“Just—would you please listen?”
“Fine, yes, okay. I promise. What is it?”
Sokka cleared his throat and hesitantly grabbed her hand as her eyebrows drew together. “You’re—you’re really important to me, Toph—”
“We know this.”
“ Toph .” Spirits, she was making this even harder than he thought it was going to be. She’s such a pain in the ass, but one he didn’t think he would ever want to live without, unfortunately.
She snorted, letting her free hand fall lightly onto his bare chest. “All right, all right. Sorry. Continue.”
“I think I’m in love with you,” he blurted, squeezing his eyes shut and tightening his grip on her fingers in an attempt to find some sort of grounding in the gesture. Not waiting for her to respond or react, he continued to ramble, “Actually, I know I’m in love with you because I’ve been thinking I’m in love with you for, like, an entire year, ever since you told me you were back with Satoru before your party. And I’ve just—I’ve been in this—this limbo of wondering if I’m just making things up or if I’m actually, truly in—in love with you.
“But after—after everything that’s happened between us… I just—I know it. I love you. I’m in love with you and it’s—it’s okay if you don’t feel—wait.” He stopped talking when he noticed her shoulders shaking and her face buried in his chest. “Are you laughing right now? Are you—I’m pouring my heart out to you, telling you that I love you, which is no easy feat, I’ll have you know, and you’re laughing ?”
As soon as the question left his lips, Toph couldn’t hold back her laughs any longer. She began to cackle, holding her sides as she gasped for breath and tried to recompose herself. Sokka looked on, trying to find the comedic bit in what he’d just said, but came up short, utter humiliation overtaking him.
What was he thinking? In no world would she ever feel the same as he did, he knew that, yet he still told her how he felt. If their friendship ended because of this, he would never forgive himself for it. There were very few things more important to him than Toph, and one of the reasons why he kept his feelings for her to himself was because he much preferred to have Toph as his best friend for the rest of his life than not have her by his side at all.
He really fucked up. He really, really fucked up and there was no way to take it back and—
Toph was kissing him. Her lips were on his and she was kissing him.
And while, of course, they had kissed many times previously, this one was different.
Out of all of the kisses they had shared throughout that entire year, though, this one was his favorite. The familiarity between them was there because they had come to know each other so well intimately; he knew exactly what she liked just like she knew what he did. But unlike all of their other kisses, which were feverish and heated and urgent, this one… this one was slow and warm and it made his chest swirl. It felt like it had actual meaning for both of them.
One of his hands hesitantly went into her hair while his other arm wrapped around her waist to keep her close. Her hand came up to his face to cradle his cheek as she dipped her tongue into his mouth. He felt as she began to melt against him as the kiss deepened and the warmth that he felt blooming in his chest began to intensify.
Toph pulled back, just barely, and ran her thumb across his bottom lip. She whispered, “I wasn’t laughing at you, dipshit.”
“What were you—what were you laughing at, then?” he replied just as softly, his arm tightening around her waist. “It must have been hilarious if you just had to laugh and ruin a perfectly good confession.”
She pressed another kiss to the corner of his mouth before laying her head on his chest. “I was just caught up on the fact that it took you this long to come around to admitting it.”
“Wh—”
“Come on, Snoozles. One doesn’t get anywhere with seismic sense if they don’t use it to their advantage. You should know this.”
Sokka felt his cheeks redden as soon as the words left her mouth. Of course he hadn’t taken the fact that she could sense his heartbeats through the ground into account. “That’s not—that’s not fair at all.”
“I was waiting for you to come around to it,” she told him, poking a finger into his side, effectively making him jump out of his skin and her snort. “It took you longer than I’d hoped.”
One of his brows rose, his embarrassment being replaced by sudden smugness. “Longer than you’d hoped, huh?”
This time, it was Toph who blushed and ended up yanking the hair on his chest until he hissed out in pain. She pressed lazy kisses along his neck, though, afterward, which made up for the accosting. She hovered over his mouth again, brushing her nose against his. “I love you, too, by the way. In case that wasn’t clear.”
Was he having a fever dream? Probably. But it was one that he never wanted to wake up from.