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It was another decent day for Finney. Matty, the leader of his bully group, had been sick today so his minions laid off him, and his dad didn’t have a hangover this morning, so it seemed like a victory that he could only dream of.
On the other hand, his best friend Robin was having a typically shitty day. Moose had decided to start talking shit again, and of course, he would, because Robin’s knuckles just healed. So there he stood, watching Moose talk his shit and call him his usual slurs like he always did. Could this guy ever get something new?
Robin stood there, confidence radiating off of him like he was radioactive. He waited for Moose’s standard threat that he always used. Robin held his ground and raised his chin to show he wasn’t in the least frightened by him.
“Then do it,” he started, as he always did when Moose decided to threaten him with something he could never carry out. Robin knew that one of these days he could lose a fight, and to his core, it frightened him. But he’d never admit that. He’s Robin Arellano. He couldn’t tell anyone that he feared one day he’d stand up to someone too big or too firm and lose that battle. He knew it would happen eventually, he never did have good luck. The fear was always causing the hair on the back of his neck to stand straight, always eating at the back of his mind like a deadly infection. And every day he reminded himself that the day he finally suffers the consequence of fighting so much is creeping ever so near. That he was one day closer. That he could lose someone close to him or lose himself. He was just waiting now.
Moose straightened up his back, to look bigger. Scarier. Robin cocked an eyebrow at the fact Moose hadn’t moved from his spot. Robin was used to this almost weekly routine. Every time things started to die down and become calm for him, every time his knuckles had looked tamer and less beat up, Moose had to come and try again. Moose’s cheek had scarred from the last fight, and Robin had assumed that’s when Moose decided it was time to try again. When he, himself heals. Robin smirked slightly at the thought that every time he wins a fight, it fuels Moose to try again, just to get knocked down again.
“..unless you’re scared,” Robin finished as he waited for Moose’s next move. And right before Moose had decided to swing at Robin, he saw Finney standing there in the front of the crowd with Gwen. Finney had zero looks of apprehension, as he knew Robin would win like he always did. Robin’s heart exploded at the thought that he had so much faith in him. Robin quickly turned his attention back to Moose to duck underneath his swing and punch his stomach. Moose cowered backward and Robin took this time to toss his bag aside and prepare himself for when Moose would recover and attempt to strike again.
When Moose turned to attack him, he got greeted warmingly with a strikingly hard kick from Robin. Robin had been practicing that one, just for him. He always wanted to kick Moose in his stupid, ugly face and when he had managed to do it, he felt an immense rush of adrenaline course through his veins. He watched Moose spin and turn to grab the pole he had fallen into. Moose quickly turned around to swing thinking Robin was closer than he was, Robin took the time from between his blind swings to grab ahold of the larger boy, and hold him there for a few seconds to mock that he was losing.
Moose was pathetically attempting to punch Robin’s bicep and soon realized that he had, once again, lost to Robin Arellano. Robin twisted both of them around to hold Moose backward with his arm around his neck to hold him in place. He then collected all his strength to forcefully slam Moose onto the ground. Moose laid there on the ground, completely out of it, and Robin saw this as an opportunity to prove his point so the next motherfucker doesn’t try the stupid shit that Moose does.
Robin slowly knelt over Moose and picked him up slightly by the collar of his shirt. He raised his fist gradually for dramatic effect and punched him square in the nose. The crowd around them gasped out and Robin glimpsed at their faces. He decided the best route to take was to destroy Moose’s face. A “Don’t Fuck With Me” reminder. Robin lifted his fist again and hit his face a second time, a third, a fourth, until he was blindly beating the shit out of Moose’s mouth and nose. Robin doesn’t even recall when he blacked out, but he was so consumed by his need to let people know to leave him the fuck alone, and get out his frustration and fear through violence, that he didn’t even realize that Finney had grabbed him from behind and pulled him off of Moose. He didn’t even realize that hot tears were running down his cheeks. He could faintly hear him talking about a teacher coming and that they needed to go, so he let him pull him into the school and to the bathroom.
~
Robin blankly watched Finney pull a bunch of supplies out of his fanny pack. He could feel himself calming down, but he couldn’t get over the fact he cried. Robin Arellano. Cried. In front of everyone. He tried to tell himself that it proved more of a point and now people would think he was insane so they’d leave him alone, but he couldn’t stop the intrusive thoughts from pushing themselves into his conscience and start chanting those stupid, meaningless words. But once again, Finn pulled him back down to Earth, just as he always did.
“Robin, are you okay? Like- mentally? You looked totally out of it back there. Even now-,” Finney questioned. There he goes. Asking those stupid questions that force Robin to talk about things he would rather drag down into his grave so no one knows how vulnerable he truly is.
“I’m fine, Finn. Just got a bit carried away, that’s all.” He spoke slowly as if that would somehow make his heart slow down to regular speed. He didn’t remember anything after he had punched Moose four times. Truthfully, everything seemed hazy right after he had kicked him. The only thing he remembers is the overwhelming feeling of power and acceleration that he felt.
“Carried away is putting it lightly, Robin. Seriously, I’m worried about you.” Finn had paused and waited for a response from the wounded boy, but when he never got one he sighed and dabbed alcohol on the giant gash in between Robin’s middle and ring knuckles. “You know you can always talk to me, right? I’m the last person to make fun of you. I’m sure I’d understand half of the shit you’re probably fe-”
“You wouldn’t understand,” Robin stated blankly. He stared into Finney’s eyes for a moment before looking at the hand that had already been wrapped neatly. He always admired the way his hands looked when Finn would wrap them. He would wrap it in a precise and almost loving way. He finally brought himself to look at the curly-haired boy and instantly snapped his attention to the way his ears burned a bright red. He knew Finney only did that when he was embarrassed or felt awkward.
“You know...You really messed up his face. Like- He didn’t even look like Moose,” Finn spoke in a tone that was on a severely thin line between pure awe and fear. Robin didn’t know which one he was implying but decided he would assume Finn was proud. That is until he spoke again.
“It was kinda scary.”
The words rang through Robin’s ears. He felt this horrible gross feeling swirl in his gut. He felt like Finn had just punched him straight in the stomach, and way harder than anyone has before. He felt his entire body shut down as he stared at the boy he oh so adored. He felt disgusted with himself. How could he have allowed himself to let Finney see that? He couldn’t even force words out of his throat. He felt like he was being choked to death and didn’t understand why. He stared at Finney in disbelief as a million thoughts rushed through his mind but they all screamed the same thing. You fucked up.
“I mean. He. Was scary. Not you, Robin. His face was just all…distorted. That’s all.” Finn tried to correct the situation because he knew how Robin was. The look on his face said it all. The tears brimming his eyes held a thousand words that Robin would never be able to bring himself to say. And Finn knew that. He knew everything.
“N-No. I scared you…” Robin stuttered out. He had to use all the will he had left in his body to push just a few words past his lips. He jumped down from the sink and quickly ran out of the bathroom. He needed to leave. He needed to get away from Finn. Because if he were to look Finney in the eyes right now, he wouldn’t be able to control the swirling wind of emotions that he was feeling at this current moment. He wanted to cry. He wanted to scream. And he wanted to hurt himself for hurting Finney.
~
Finney stood there alone in the bathroom for a few minutes to let his brain process what happened. He picked at his lip before it finally clicked. Robin thought he meant he was actually scared of him. He gasped slightly at the realization as he quickly packed everything back into his fanny pack, grabbed his backpack, and rushed out of the school to run after Robin.
Finney knew Robin wouldn't have gone home. Robin avoids his home almost as much as Finney bypasses his own, but not for the same reasons. Robin preferred to be out of the house and enjoy life and the outdoors, plus his mother was always stressed with something and making him help out, which made Robin feel like he was wasting his childhood away doing adult stuff. His dad was never there to help out, so he didn’t blame her, but he couldn’t always do adult things. He wanted to be a kid. Which means Finney knew exactly where he had gone. He ran faster than he’d ever run before, feeling the intense burn in his lungs telling him he needed to slow down, but he couldn’t. He had to get to Robin. To apologize. To ramble in the way only he knew how. To make it up to him in ways only his mind could ever imagine. He just needed Robin.
When he finally reached the lake, he collapsed at the edge, gasping and coughing for air. He never remembered the lake being as far as it felt today, but when he looked to the side to see Robin sulking underneath a tree, completely consumed by the bittersweet air rushing by him, he felt like the small amount of air he had been once again knocked out of his lungs. His hair flowed in such a majestic way, that it had Finney completely entranced. He felt like nothing else mattered but the beautiful boy sitting beside him. He was so captivated that he almost forgot the whole reason why his lungs and legs burned.
“Robin. About what I said back there- I-”
“No need, Finney. Drop it.” Robin spoke harshly. His voice sounded hoarse, almost like he had screamed his vocal cords thin, or possibly just cried them to the point they were stretched too far. Finney’s heart dropped into his stomach at the sound and scrambled to sit next to him. He could hear and feel his heart beating in his chest like it was trying to hop out and give itself to Robin. He was almost sure Robin could hear it too.
“No! I’m not dropping it! And not because I feel bad either! Robin, I hurt you because I suck at saying what I mean. I wasn’t scared of you. I could never be scared of you.”
“Bullshit.”
Robin’s lack of care was frustrating Finney to no end. He felt like everything inside of him was set ablaze, and felt like no matter what he said to Robin, wouldn’t fix this. But he knew he had to try. For the sake of their friendship. For the sake of what their friendship could bloom into.
“Robin,” Finney started, while reaching for Robin’s chin to make the masculine but yet so feminine boy hold eye contact with him. “I’m not scared of you. I could never be afraid of something so beautiful.” He brushed some hair out of Robin’s face only for it to fly back into place from the breeze.
“You’re the most beautiful human being on the planet. Everything you do has meaning and passion woven in between. YOU are perfect. When you fight, when your knuckles bleed, when you laugh and ramble about your horrible horror movies or a new poem you wrote for me. Or when you tell me about a family event I didn’t get to go to and how dumb your cousins acted. Or when you smile at me when I ramble about space things that I know you don’t understand or care to. Robin, you are EVERYTHING to me. Why would I be scared of that?”
Robin stared at Finney for a moment or two before inhaling a sharp breath. Never did he ever think he loved Finney more than he did right now. At this very moment, his heart had skipped more than 5 beats. He’s more than sure he’s dead, and this is heaven, and Finney isn’t sitting next to him, ranting about how he practically finds everything that he does to be perfection. That he has no flaws. But he wasn’t dead, this wasn’t a dream. This was real. And his heart burst at the thought that Finney could LOVE him back. That he could return the feelings that Robin has been feeling since he moved into this shit town and finally had a friend that didn’t call him a slur.
Finney remembered that he had to breathe. He took in the breath that his lungs had been begging him to take. He gently grabbed Robin’s hand and squeezed.
“Robin. Your beauty has never EVER scared me. And never will. You could beat me here and now if you wanted to and I’d still tell you how gorgeous I think you look. You are my whole world, Robin. Without you, I’m nothing.”
Finney could feel his lungs burning again but for a different reason this time. This time it was because he felt like everything in his brain was telling him to shut up and that he wasn’t helping, but he couldn’t. Everything that he’s kept in his mind for no one to ever find out was now spilling out in-between desperate breaths and attempts to hold back tears. He didn’t even know why he wanted to cry, but he did. He wanted to scream and cry like he knew Robin did moments before he had shown up.
And Robin? Oh, Robin was falling harder than ever before. His eyes were watering with nothing but affection and love this time. He knew what Finney was trying to say, but he wanted to hear every last word until Finney himself realized what he meant. He felt like he was gonna die if he didn’t hurry up and say he loved him so he could kiss him quiet and tell him that he loved him too, but he’d rather take it slow. And in the back of his mind, he knew he more than likely wouldn’t be able to kiss Finney, even if he had admitted his love for him, because he knew what household Finney grew up in and lives in. His father is so homophobic that only Robin knows that Finney cries himself to sleep at night because of the names he’s called. The “Finney the Fag” followed Finney like a dark cloud, and every time Finney thought he could see a rainbow, he was struck by lightning more deadly than the last.
Finney went to continue his ramble while beating around the subject but right when he took a gasp to speak again, a single tear rolled down his face. Followed by another, and another, until he was silently sobbing and didn’t even realize. Robin slowly reached up to wipe the tears away with his thumb. Man was Finn pretty. The way his nose was shaped, the way his eyes were all sparkly from the fresh tears, the way his lips were perfectly spread apart. Everything about Finney put Robin in a trance, and he never noticed unless Finney knocked him back to reality, as he always did.
“Robin-...I’m not sure what I’m trying to say…” Finn exasperated at a volume so low that Robin had to piece together words to fill in the blanks that the lake was masking. Robin smiled softly and spoke in a just as hushed tone as Finney had.
“I think I do, Finn.”
“You do?”
The tension radiating off of both of them had their stomach twisting into love woven knots. The only thing either of them could think about was kissing each other and drowning in the love they shared. Robin was the first to move as he pulled Finney in and gently pushed his lips against the other’s.
Finney lightly gasped against his lips but wasted no time kissing back. A part of Finney was screaming at him to stop, that this was wrong, that his father and everyone else in this goddamn town would kill him if he got caught. But another part of Finney, a louder and more comforting voice was telling him that this was right. That he and Robin were right. That this was how things should be. Just Finney and Robin. Forever and always. That nothing could separate them, no matter how much hate and violence would be thrown at them. Finney was ready to face it all if it meant that he could hold Robin’s hand in his own. That he could kiss Robin’s lips as many times as he saw fit. That he could hold Robin in his arms on the nights that he felt as though no one loved him, and would know that the only one he ever needed was Robin Arellano. That voice, the one he was hearing above everything else, was none other than his own. The voice he’s been searching for his entire life. To finally have a say in what he does and how he does it. To finally take control of his existence and not live for others, but to live for himself. And that? That’s what made Finney burst into tears while smushing his face closer to Robin.
Robin pulled away a bit thinking that Finney might need space, but when Finney practically threw himself into Robin’s lap to chase the kiss, Robin was more than happy to keep him close. Their kiss wasn’t very good, since both were very inexperienced, but they loved each other, and that’s all they cared about right now. They could escape this cruel pathetic world in each others’ eyes, and their lips, and just drink in everything of each other, and that’s all they believed they needed.
Robin reluctantly pulled away for air, and Finney was practically panting. Come to think of it, Finney hadn’t had an actual decent breath for the past 15-20 minutes. He sat there for a minute to finally relax while staring at Robin with all the love and affection in the world. He never realized how much he truly loved Robin until today, and now that he knows and accepts it, he knows that his life can only get better from here. Because now he has the most important person in the world by his side.
“I love you,” Finn whispered into Robin’s ear. Robin’s skin quickly got covered in goosebumps as the three words he had always longed to hear fell out of Finn’s lips so naturally. He felt like the entire world had stopped spinning, and that the only two people left on it were them. Robin quickly wrapped his arms around Finney as though any second he would realize what was happening and run away.
“I love you too, Finn. So fucking much.” He spoke slowly. As if he needed those words to process in both his and Finney’s mind.
And never has Finney ever loved to hear those three stupid words. Because now. They truly meant something.