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Kay was grateful for the stroll through Central Park with Jules after they had finished dinner. He had been gentlemanly and paid for their meal together, then later helping her on with her coat as they left. According to office gossip, everyone thought they had been dating for quite a while. The long chats together at lunch, arriving at work together when they had realised that they lived near by and often ended up catching the subway together to the office. Then the last month they both had similar ideas over a drawing done by Ritterhouse and Benny had suggested that they collaborate on the story.
She glanced over at him as he talked animatedly about a new English author that Kay had not heard of in the United States, and she could not help feeling a warmth for him. Slowly she slipped her hand into his as they walked. The move startled him, and he lost his train of thought, and made Kay suddenly feel self-conscious of what she had done.
“I’m sorry for being presumptuous.” She muttered, drawing her hand away, but he grabbed it back, holding it lightly in his.
“You weren’t. I was probably just too caught up in what I was saying to notice much around me. I go on a bit.”
Kay smiled, the way he spoke to her putting her at ease. “Do go on then. You were talking about this latest book from John Wyndham. He’s work sounds fascinating.”
“Oh it is. It is. But he’s a tricky fellow. He sometimes writes in magazines, just like us. But under a different name. Just last year I bought a copy of Wonder Stories and I recognised his writing style, even though the name wasn’t his. Immediately I had to write the publisher and find out, and lo and behold, his editor confirmed that it was my favourite author, there in the pages of this American magazine.” Jules stopped by the bridge overlooking the lake, holding onto the rail and turning around to look at Kay.
“Incredible. Obviously this man has quite a talent.”
“If only I could write half as good as he does.” Jules lamented.
“Well I think you have a pretty good writing style. I like your work, and I’m glad we got to work together on that story last month. It’s been fun.”
“It was, wasn’t it.” He reached out and held her other hand in his.
She noticed how soft and smooth his hands where, nothing of the rough hands she expected men to have. Her heart skipped a beat as he lent forward, gently kissing her on the lips, and she tentatively returned it. The kiss was clumsy, Kay hoping he hadn’t noticed how nervous she had been. She opened her eyes mid kiss to find him awkwardly staring back at her, then he jerked away.
“I’m sorry. I can’t do this.” He muttered, walking away and throwing himself down onto the nearest park bench, burying his face in his hands.
“Jules, what’s wrong?” she looked at him puzzled, cautiously sitting down beside him and putting her hand on his shoulder in comfort. “Was it something I did?”
“No. No, it’s all my fault. I shouldn’t have Kay. Please leave me. It’s better that way.” He seemed quite distressed by what happened, unable to face Kay.
“Jules, something is wrong, and I want you to tell me. That kiss wasn’t…” she felt uncertain as to how to explain it without hurting his feelings, “it wasn’t that bad. I mean I haven’t kissed many men before to really know, but it was nice.”
He looked up at her, and she wasn’t sure if it was just the light from the streetlamps, or if she actually saw tears in his eyes. “Don’t coddle me Kay. As far as kisses go, it was bad.”
She looked alarmed by what he told her, feeling upset that he had noticed her reluctance.
“I just can’t do this to you anymore. You’re a lovely woman, and any man would be lucky to have you. It just can’t be me. There’s always going to be something that stops us.”
Kay blinked at him in surprise, unsure as to why the man who had invited her out on a date was now breaking up with her. “I thought we had a connection, Jules. What’s stopping you?”
He looked down at his hands in his lap, taking a deep breath. “I’m a homosexual. I like men.”
Kay stared at him, unable to believe her ears, then burst out laughing at his revelation. He looked at her, alarmed by her reaction, and she smothered her laugh, taking back his hand in hers. “Oh my dear Jules. Me too.”
He pulled his hand away from her, hurt by her reaction. “You’re meant to like men. You’re a woman. I’ve tried to fight it. I’ve tried to hide it. I even thought I could make it work with you, but it seems I can’t even kiss a woman.”
“No, silly. I’m also a homosexual, but I like women. At least that kiss we had further confirmed it. I have to admit you confused me for a while because we got on so well together. I thought maybe I’d been wrong with all those girlfriends I’d had, that maybe all I was waiting for was the right man, and here you were, and I just felt so comfortable around you, unlike every other man I’ve known in the past.”
Jules stared at her in shock, finding it hard to accept what she was saying.
Kay reached forward, grabbing him by his shoulders and pulling him in for a hug. “Oh Jules, I feel so relived now. I wish we’d known earlier so we both didn’t make fools of ourselves.” She pulled him up to walk, and they slowly continued down the path.
“I… I never realised Kay.” He finally stuttered.
“Of course you didn’t, otherwise I’m sure you would have never asked me out on a date. It’s something I keep very close to my chest. It’s hard enough being a working woman. And with everything going on in Washington, how they’re trying to weed out all the communists and the homosexuals, I don’t want Mr Stone, or Douglas to find out and I get fired.”
“They won’t find out if they think we’re dating.” He murmured, putting his hands in his pockets as they walked on.
Kay stopped suddenly, staring at him for the simplicity of the idea. “Do you want to?”
“Want to what?” Jules asked, confused by what she was asking.
“Pretend to date. I mean the rumours are already going on around the office about us. No one would ever suspect us of being homosexual if I hold your hand and sometimes call you darling.”
Jules hesitated, then realised the wisdom to her idea. “I guess there is no harm in it,” he agreed.
Kay resumed walking, siding up to Jules and giving him a nudge with her elbow. “So, do you have a boyfriend?”
Jules shook his head. “No. You?”
“I did for a year, but it didn’t work out. She broke it off last winter.” They walked along in silence for a while, both contemplating what they had just learnt. “I have to say, I haven’t felt this comfortable with another man before. I like that I feel so at ease with you, even before all this.”
“It’s probably the complete lack of sexual tension. I mean, I have absolutely no desire towards you in that way.”
“Oh me neither. I don’t think of you in that way at all.”
“And let’s never kiss again.”
Kay enthusiastically agreed. “Oh never. That was horrible. Women are so soft, and you’re all… prickly.”
“Prickly? I rather like the feeling of a hint of a beard and stubble rubbing up against my face.”