Chapter Text
Living the lavish life as the sole and spoiled princess of the Soeun Kingdom, this was not Gahyeon’s choice.
Sure, it’s great to have servants ready at your service and villagers crowding your travelling palanquin, ushering your presence wherever you go. But there was this immense pressure to be the best.
King Lee was devastated when his wife, Queen Consort Lee passed away after giving birth to Gahyeon. Bearing a daughter meant there was no male offspring to inherit the throne. Despite his advisors’ suggestions on encouraging the King to obtain concubines or invite potential princesses of smaller royal kingdoms into an allied marriage, the king remained loyal to his beloved wife. I
Instead, he wanted to go against the century-old system by deciding a new law in which females of the royal family were allowed to take the throne. This meant, his only daughter was tied with the destiny of becoming queen one day.
In exchange for this luxurious lifestyle, Gahyeon was born with the burden of becoming Soeun’s future leader someday. Throughout the coming years of her growth as princess to queen, Gahyeon will soon learn that there is more to just learning how to run a kingdom.
She would soon realise the complications of romance in the palace as she meets people from different walks of life, eventually reaching the dilemma of choosing between love and duty.
Dear, princess.
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Rumours have been going around the palace that a handsome, young visitor has arrived. Eighteen-year-old Gahyeon listened to her servants gossiping away whilst pretending to be asleep. The princess was never a morning-riser, but she has lessons to attend or other royal duties.
After all, her father had just returned to the palace after a successful crusade up north. To celebrate the king’s victorious conquest, a festival will be held tonight. Everyone is excited except for the princess who doesn’t enjoy the parties very much. However, this talk of a mysterious visitor has piqued her interest.
“I managed to catch a glimpse of him today. He’s so handsome.” One of the servants whispered. “Oh my, he’s right there! Do you see him?” Another squealed as the servants grouped together by the window, completely forgetting they were folding the princess’ washed clothes.
That was it. Gahyeon has had enough. Curiousity has killed the cat.
Rising from her bed and startling her servants who thought she was asleep all along, “Where?! Who is this handsome visitor that you all, so annoyingly speak of?!” The princess scowled. Albeit her messy hair to which her servants started combing by instinct, one of them pointed to the window. “He’s talking with his majesty downstairs, dear princess.”
Gahyeon huffed and walked over to the window that overlooked the peaceful zen garden and pond filled with koi fishes. Her servants followed behind, busy setting up her hair and makeup. The princess squinted her eyes against the glass frame, barely seeing anything from high up her tower. All she can see are two figures standing in the middle of the bridge, engaging in a conversation. And that’s when one of the two figures looked up. In that short second, their eyes met.
Immediately, the princess panicked and quickly crouched behind the window, ordering her servants to close the curtains. She cannot believe it. How dare this visitor make her heart thump so quickly like this in the morning? She had to see this visitor up close. It’s just a man. What’s so special about him anyway?
Storming out of her room and still in her robes, her servants ran after the princess, insisting that she should at least change her clothes. Gahyeon ignores them and starts walking down the stairs. Through the hallway and pushing the large wooden doors open, she enters the garden as a whiff of fresh air hits her face. The princess shouts with a frown, “Father!”
The king turned around, smiling in delight at the sight of his lovely daughter despite her annoyed look. “Oh, you are awake my dear! I forgot to tell you last night that I brought in a visitor. He couldn’t meet you in person as he was too exhausted from the journey.”
Standing beside her father was the tall visitor that had all the servants talking. Dressed in a dark blue hanbok, the man had long, black hair neatly tied into a bun. The world felt like it stopped for a moment. No, it was not that Gahyeon was stunned at his beauty – well yes, he is quite attractive – but that’s not the point. From the visitor’s gentle facial features and lean structure, the princess could tell this was no man.
This was a woman.
“It is a wonderful honour to finally meet you, Princess Gahyeon.”
The visitor bowed gracefully with a gentle smile. “My name is Dami. I am a visitor from the north and I will be staying in the palace for three months to learn. I wish to write my own book one day and the king has been very kind to offer me a place where I can grow as a scholar.”
“When I was in the north, I got into an accident and almost drowned in the river. Despite my men’s efforts, this lad here,” The king patted Dami’s back with a proud smile. “He saved my life. I wanted to repay him for his heroic efforts but alas, I heard the sad story that his home is destroyed and he has no family. So, I decided to let him stay in the palace for awhile until he gets his life sorted out. After all, our library is a wonderful place for him to learn lots of things!” The king laughed.
Anyone could tell that the king had taken a keen liking to this ‘boy’. Though Gahyeon wonders if her father realises that Dami is in fact, a woman in disguise. She simply mumbles a quiet, “hi’ and “welcome to palace” as a gesture of formality, while the King and visitor continue their conversation.
Gahyeon stands there, observing this visitor. She’s suspicious of Dami. After all, this could be a well-crafted out plan from the enemy by tricking everyone into looking harmless and friendly. If her father lets his guard down, the princess cannot imagine what might happen next. The princess decides to keep a close watch on this mysterious visitor as she is taken away by servants to prepare for the festival.
During the festival, Gahyeon followed her formal duties as princess.
Appearing in the public as she waves at her villagers from afar, greeting neighbouring scholars and watching the performances on display, the princess can’t help but to steal occasional glances to Dami who was just enjoying the show. Gahyeon had to admit that yes, Dami was attractive in the eyes of many, her as well. She understood why she was the talk of the palace, for the visitor displayed a great sense of chivalry and courtesy. But honestly, that was it. Was it that powerful to steal the hearts of women? Gahyeon had her doubts.
The crowd cheered and clapped as hundreds of orange lanterns floated into the skies. Drums roared into the night as performers danced around the bonfire that burned as bright as the sun. The King was busy drinking with his advisors as they overlooked the scene from the balconies. Gahyeon stayed seated in his presence, as this was her duty as princess to be there. But she was bored to death. All these men talked about topics that she couldn’t quite understand yet and topics that were none of her concern. As the princess looked around, she noticed that Dami was missing from her seat.
This left a strange feeling in her stomach. Gahyeon excused the guests around her and began searching for the woman. She knows this festival would mean the perfect opportunity to do something behind the scenes. Whether it was murdering someone or poisoning the food, the princess doesn’t want to think of all the “what ifs”. Under the princess’ watch, Gahyeon will not stay and let Dami do anything. She is determined to catch her in action.
Walking along the corridors of the palace grounds and following the moonlight shining through the red stone pillars, the princess wonders where are all the guards. Gahyeon stops and notices a presence in the bathing chambers. Who would be showering at this hour, when a festival is underway? The princess quietly peeks through the small opening of the wooden panel, eyes looking through the tiny openings only to have her cheeks flare up at the sight – Dami removing her blue hanbok and unwrapping the tight bandages that revealed her breasts which were hidden from everyone.
Flustered, Gahyeon retreated to the corridor and leaned back against the red pillar. Face heating up, heartbeat picking up a pace, this was not what she expected to see today. But this meant her intuition was right. Dami is a woman. She was not a man. The princess stayed there for a moment to collect herself and contemplated whether to confront Dami. But in the end, Gahyeon chose to walk away, for she was sure to catch her the next time.
Throughout Dami’s stay at the palace, Gahyeon tracks her daily routine.
In the morning, Dami eats breakfast together with her and the king at the royal table. Afterwards, Dami can be found in the library or roaming in the gardens. When the sun sets, Dami keeps herself busy by chatting with scholars in the palace or stays in her room, working on manuscripts.
“Doesn’t the princess have other important things to do, than to stalk me?”
Gahyeon almost screams when Dami catches the princess crouching behind a shelf in a far corner of the library. Dami chuckles at the princess’s surprised face that was now in the colour of a red tomato. The visitor lightly taps her head with a book she was reading to which the princess frowns.
“Hey, you’re a spy, aren’t you?”
“Ah, so the princess is suspicious of me? I thought you had a crush on me. Would’ve been quite the problem.”
Gahyeon scoffs. “You can drop the act. I know you’re a woman.”
“Of course. You were watching me yesterday.”
“H-How-!” This took Gahyeon by surprise. “I-I’m going to tell my father!”
Dami grabs Gahyeon’s hand and stops her from running off. “Calm down. I’m not a spy.” She insists with a whisper.
“Touch me anywhere else and I will scream.” Gahyeon warns.
“I appreciate your hostility, dear princess. But I am indeed no spy.” Dami lets go of her hand in surrender. “Though I must say, it looks like the king doesn’t need to worry about his daughter. The princess is very observant, sharp and intelligent.” She crosses her arms, looking softly at Gahyeon with interested eyes. “What should I do in order to gain your trust?”
Gahyeon blinks at Dami’s question. She was not expecting that. Biting her lip in thought as she looks around, the library is empty. It’s just her and Dami. The princess sighs and turns her heel around, “Follow me,” she orders, taking Dami into one of the private rooms in the library where scholars can have their reading space. It is rather small space that can barely fit the two of them.
Dami looks at Gahyeon closing the door shut, patiently waiting for her to say something, anything. The princess’s face grows redder as looking at Dami only reminds her of the scene in the bathing chamber. Avoiding eye contact, Gahyeon mumbles, “If you want me to gain your trust. Take your clothes off.” The princess is confident that Dami will never obey such an absurd order.
But to the princess’ surprise, Dami simply nods and does as she’s told. Calmly reaching for her hanbok and removing the strings, the princess flusters even more.
“W-W-Wait! Stop!” Gahyeon panics and stops Dami from opening her hanbok further. “Okay, fine! I believe you. You’re not a spy!”
Dami chuckles and folds the cloth of her hanbok back inside. “Cute.” Gahyeon fumes. She cannot believe this. No one would dare play with her like that and yet, this visitor from the north is laughing. “Whatever! Do any funny business and I will tell my father about your secret!” She points at Dami and storms out of the room.
Dami watches as Gahyeon leaves in a fit. She smiles and leans against the door, intrigued at the princess. Dami had assumed Soeun’s cherished princess was modest, feminine and gentle. But she was the complete opposite.
She was unlike any other princesses she’s met.
In the coming days, Dami would bump into Gahyeon along the corridors. Their eyes would occasionally meet whenever they’re eating at the table. But even in these moments, Gahyeon avoided her like a plague. Even though Dami knew Gahyeon was watching her every move.
When she’s seated at the desk and looking through her scrolls, she can sense Gahyeon taking a peek from the shelves. When she’s strolling in the gardens, she could tell Gahyeon was a couple of steps behind. Dami found this behaviour adorable. Even though Dami was here to learn, she was distracted by this particular princess.
Halting in her footsteps, Dami turned around and tilted her head at Gahyeon who froze.
“Would you like to take a walk with me, dear princess?” Dami asked as she politely reached out her hand.
Gahyeon planned on running away. But when she saw the sincerity in Dami’s eyes, the princess slowly approached her and took the visitor’s hand. The hands Gahyeon ever held in her life were either her father’s or her servants and they were always rough and bruised. But Dami’s hands were different. It was warm, delicate yet firm. Dami’s grasp made sure she wasn’t going to let go. That she was ready to catch the princess if she ever fell. Even from a simple touch, it caused butterflies to go astray in the Gahyeon’s stomach.
For a long minute, Gahyeon and Dami walked side by side. There was no conversation. As they followed the stone path that led to the flower beds and planted tress across the palace gardens, it was quiet. Swallows chirped at their arrival in the gazebo overlooking the koi pond that stood firmly under the clear, water streams.
Dami let go and for once, Gahyeon wanted to hold her hands again. But Dami kept her hands behind her back and looked up to the clear, blue skies.
“There is a reason why I pretended to be a man, dear princess” Dami starts. “I don’t know if you’ve noticed but there is a gender inequality in this world. Women cannot be successful. Women are fated to be married to men and bear their children. It’s a rule that I hope to break.” She sighs and turns to looks at Gahyeon. “But when I heard your father planned on having his own daughter to inherit the throne, I was surprised. Maybe…” Dami smiled softly. “Maybe there was hope. That one day, I don’t have to keep disguising myself as a man in order to achieve my dreams. That even I, as a woman, can be successful.”
Gahyeon listens and sympathized with Dami. After all, it was rare to have a woman enlist in the army or even uptake other jobs that required strength. Women are looked down upon as weak and poor beings. Even the rebels who fight against this kingdom, are against the idea of Gahyeon becoming queen one day. Discrimination is a complicated and upsetting issue that has continued to grow in this kingdom. But Dami believed in hope.
“What is your dream, Dami?” Gahyeon asks. “I’m sure it must be something so big, that you’re willing to go such lengths by dressing up as a man.”
Dami smiles sadly as she looks at Gahyeon. “I want to be the best advisor to any King in the world that wants my services. While I can never be King, I can at least help run the kingdom and make important decisions.”
“So, you lied.”
Dami nods shamlessly. “Sometimes, small lies are necessary.”
“You lied to my father. You did not come here to become a writer.”
“Yes, I lied.” Dami admits. “If the truth was revealed, I will probably be kicked out this very instant.”
“I could do that.” Gahyeon warns.
Dami scoffs as she calmly approaches Gahyeon, gently lifting the princess’s chin with one finger. “But I know you wouldn’t.” The visitor studies the princess as their eyes remained locked on, two different worlds merging with one another. “You are a good person, Gahyeon. And I am sure you will grow up to be a fine queen one day.”
Gahyeon breaks eye contact and turns away. “Y-You said your dream is to be an advisor. Then why don’t you just join my father’s team of advisors then?”
Dami shakes her head. “I lack experience and I’m still young. There’s so much more for me to learn in the world.” The woman stares back at the princess, despite Gahyeon’s efforts to avoid them. “Do you want me to stay longer?”
Do you want me to stay longer?
Gahyeon flinches at the question. One part of her looks realistically on the chances of the King eventually finding out her secret and being forced out of the palace. Another part of her fantasizes about growing up with Dami in the palace. The princess always found it lonely. She never had her mother around. She was always with her servants. Often, the king was away for his duties and battles. The princess would love to have someone company, to chat and talk with.
The princess snaps out of her thoughts when she realizes Dami has just been standing there, looking at her with so much patience, waiting for an answer. Gahyeon’s stomach curls and her heart begins to jump again. Ugh, she hates this feeling.
“And what are the two of you doing here in this garden alone?”
The king breaks their conversation as he enters the gardens with his guards. Dami immediately bows in greet as the man grins widely at the two.
“Are you perhaps interested in my daughter?” The king boldly asks.
Dami chuckles, “Absolutely not, my king. Gahyeon was interested in the books I was reading so I was teaching her some things or two.”
“Well, it would be wonderful if my darling could learn from a great person like you, given she doesn’t like to study!” The emperor laughs. “Anyways, it is time for dinner. Let us go and feast the evening away!”
Dami and Gahyeon follow the king from behind as the princess approaches the visitor in a whisper, “You lied to my father again!” to which Dami chuckles lightly, “It looks like it’s become habitual of me”.
As the weeks pass, Gahyeon has started to open her heart to Dami. She accompanies the visitor in the library, learning new things about the world outside her palace. Dami teaches Gahyeon how to read the map. She tells her the different types of geology and culture of the states surrounding Soeun.
“I have seen a fox before. But only once.” Gahyeon comments as she stares at a painting of a fox in a scroll.
“Well, did you know there are many types of foxes? In the north, there are foxes that are as white as snow.”
‘Wow! I want to see one.” Gahyeon perks up with interest.
Dami smiles. “Well, if you ever come to my hometown in the North, you definitely can. In fact, the fox resembles you.”
“Really? Hey, isn’t it insulting for you to compare me to an animal?” The princess frowns.
“No, not at all.” Dami laughs. “Foxes are intelligent and cunning creatures. What I mean is that I’m saying you are smart, dear princess.
Gahyeon fails to hide the blush all over her face. “Anyways! Tell me more about foxes!” The princess quickly changes the topic, not realising Dami has been staring at her with such a heart-warming smile, delighted that her comment made her fluster.
The princess never quite understood the scholars’ interests in reading piles of books all day. But after seeing the passion from Dami’s eyes and her greed to learn everything the world has to offer; the princess was starting to understand. After all, she enjoyed listening Dami talk about the things she liked. Whether it was about how rivers were formed or how different languages were spoken around the world, the princess could sit there for hours listening to her. If it was someone else talking, the magic would never work.
Strangely, Gahyeon likes being with Dami. She makes her feel calm. She makes her feel at home, even though she already is.
“And the culture this tribe had…Gahyeon?”
Dami looked up from the book she was reading and smiled softly at the princess who had fallen asleep. Her head was slumped over the table, mouth opening mid-way. Dami rose from her seat, rolled her sleeves up and easily carried the princess into her arms. She took the princess to her sleeping chambers as the servants watched on in awe. Dami gently tucked Gahyeon into bed as she looked at the princess for a long moment. She hesitated for a moment but moved her hand over to caress her hair. She smiled, wondering much about this girl who had suddenly become the centre of attention in her life.
Dami was looking forward to Gahyeon’s future as queen. She was ready to teach her everything she had to offer. If anything, Dami hoped to be Gahyeon’s advisor one day and ease her burden from such heavy responsibilities. But dreams are dreams. Making one a reality is another story.
A guard interrupted from the door. “Dami? The King would like to have a word with you.”
When Gahyeon woke up from her slumber, it was already the next day. She couldn’t believe it. All that reading and listening had her passed out until the sun rose again. The princess quickly got out of her bed in search for Dami. Just like any other day, Gahyeon was sure to find Dami in the library. Just like any other day, Dami will greet her with that same, sweet smile and tell her to sit down, offering a variety of books to start. But this wasn’t like any other day.
Dami could not be found anywhere. Not in the library nor the palace gardens.
“My daughter.” The king called from behind, noticing the distress.
“Father! Where is Dami?” Gahyeon asked in panic.
The King had a stern, sad look and simply pulled his daughter into an embrace. “I’m sorry that I put you in danger. It was careless of me.”
“What?” Gahyeon pulled back, confused.
“The guards informed me that the visitor I brought back from the North was not a man, a woman in disguise. The advisors accused her of being a spy, however I had my own doubts. I spoke with her in private yesterday and we agreed to keep this a secret from everyone.” The king explained with a sigh. “For the sake of the kingdom, Dami agreed to leave the palace and to never return.”
“Father! You can’t just do that! She’s-“
“I know how you must feel, my dear. The two of you were close. It could see it from my eyes. But there will be many complications should this secret be revealed to the public. For the sake of our kingdom, our safety and wellbeing, I had no other choice. I’m sorry.”
Gahyeon cried into her father’s arms. Hot tears staining his robe. This can’t be happening. She didn’t even have the chance to say goodbye to her.
To the princess, Dami was like a fever dream. She came and left like the wind. In the short moments they’ve spent together, Gahyeon remembered every single second. From the way she spoke, the way she smiled and the warm, firm touch she had, Gahyeon has never met anyone who made her feel this strange, burning sensation in her heart.
She was always be her first.
Her first love.
The palace’s library and garden will now bear a special meaning and memory to Gahyeon. Whenever she’s there, she will think of Dami and wonder where she might be, if she’s still out there somewhere pretending to be a man whilst trying to achieve her dream. The princess hopes that one day, she’ll get to meet Dami again, not as princess of Soeun. But as the queen Dami had wanted her to become.
A great queen.
In the months of Dami’s departure that left a significant mark in Gahyeon’s life, the princess turns nineteen.