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“No matter how many times I see it, I’m still not used to it.”
Katarina’s voice echoed through the shadows. It bounced off the fresh grass, the light of the stars that shone on the kingdom of Sorcier, and the vast nothingness of the late-night darkness.
“Used to what?”
Gerald’s reply was quiet. He was terrified of breaking the gentle quiet Katarina wanted to make for herself. He noticed her uncharacteristic whispers that grew quiet as the sun set, and the replies that lacked her usual energy. She was still getting used to life at the palace, he knew, but he wished that he could do more than just stealing her away from the chaos of royalty. Whisking her away from unnecessary meetings, shielding her from malicious murmurs—he did everything he could. When running wasn’t an option, he sat beside her and held her hand, refusing to leave her alone.
“This sky.”
Was that it? Not the fussy maids she was unfamiliar with, nor the new responsibilities given to her?
Gerald turned his gaze from the roofs of the town’s houses to his beloved wife—wondering if she was keeping secrets again.
He grew up thinking that she was extremely honest. Painfully honest, even. Her feelings were always painted on her face for all the world to see—but that bright, cheery girl kept the mysteries of the world in her heart.
Katarina Claes-Stuart was a paradox. Her heart was open to anyone who’d peek, charming them with a smile so sincere you would question if all the smiles you’ve seen before were authentic. She never faked her emotions, and she loved with her whole heart. She may have been sincere, but she was brilliant at hiding what truly troubled her—keeping her secrets under a complex lock and key.
“Japan never slept. The, uh,” Katarina paused, wondering how to explain it, “lights were so overwhelming, they obscured the shine of the stars.” She looked thoughtful. Rare were the times she brought up memories of her past life, but when she did, they were always bittersweet.
She stared up at the inky sky—looking for something. Her eyes darted between the stars, connecting them and forming pictures. It was like she was memorizing the constellations before they had a chance to disappear, trying to keep a vivid photograph of what that moment felt like.
Katarina had always seemed entranced with the stars. She kept her head up high, staring at the simplest of objects that most people have grown tired of. While she gawked at the scenery before her, Gerald was busy staring at her. She memorized every little thing she could get her hands on, while her husband memorized every inch of her.
He memorized the way her hair would fall in front of her eyes, obscuring her view until she brushed them away; he memorized the various stories she told him, all of them varying in complexity and plausibility. He put the pieces together, trying to form the best portrait he could. And when he thought he finally made the perfect picture— Katarina would knock it all down with ideas that were unheard of.
It all confused him until she finally gave him the pass to the pieces she tucked away, him being the first person other than herself to take hold of her secrets.
Katarina gave him the key to her heart a little before they got married.
She spoke of death and of reincarnation, how she was much older than she was, and how her former life was far different than the one she was currently living. She made sure he knew every single detail before they had the chance to walk down the aisle—her final warning to the determined prince.
Little did Katarina know, Gerald was ready to accept no matter what she said; if she was secretly a criminal, he was ready to cover her crimes—if she was not the daughter of a duke, he was willing to fight for their union. A past life would never be able to keep him away, and he made that known. And so they wed, the church bells ringing at the back of their minds whenever they woke up next to each other.
Being the only person to know her secret, Gerald became the person she came to whenever she wanted to reminisce about the life she once lived. Sometimes they were happy moments, and on rare occasions, she echoed her distant memories with a lick of melancholy. It was a tone he scarcely heard, but in that very moment, while Katarina looked up at the sky and was lost in thought—he was sure he heard it.
“I wonder what my past lives were like.” Gerald wondered aloud, trying to play with a smile on his lips. He attempted to change the direction of the conversation to one that Katarina would likely enjoy. She held more love in her heart for him rather than herself, and so he capitalized on the fact, forming a plan in his head to get to the bottom of her gloomy mood.
Katarina faintly mirrored his grin and placed a finger under her chin. She stared at Gerald, studying his face as her thoughts whirled around her head. She had started to perk up, an observation Gerald was pleased about.
“What if…” She began, thoughtfully tapping her chin, “you were a classmate I had in my past life? You’d be the cool student council president who represented the students!” She had a look of triumph on her face, brimming with pride. Gerald smirked, the idea far too familiar to him.
“Just like when we were in the Magic Academy?”
“That, but without magic.”
The soft laugh that left Gerald’s lips was almost like an ancient spell—one that captivated people for generations.
“There will be no swords either! I don’t think they have swords like ours in Japan… I mean, they do have the ones that the old samurai used…” Katarina trailed off, wondering if she had ever seen a katana since her arrival to Sorcier. Gerald, however, was still stuck on what a ‘samurai’ was.
While Katarina pondered, Gerald asked a question, “what were the schools in your past life like?”
Katarina’s blue eyes seemed to sparkle under the starlight as she abandoned her thought process on weapons. She started talking about the nature of uniforms and how they looked like, how she learned of subjects that defied magic, and how things were far more simple in the world she once knew. Her experiences felt foreign, yet so familiar—and Gerald was enchanted with them the entire time.
He became even more enthralled when she told him how he’d fare in her world—how he was sure to be a top student no matter what life he’d lead, and how he’d be excellent in all the events he’d participate in. He was flattered that she still thought of him so highly, when he could never compare to how bright she was.
“A world where I’d be without my sword…” Gerald flipped the thought over and over, wondering just how peaceful the mystical country of Japan was. Katarina heard his mumbles and gasped, looking as if she was struck with a lightning bolt of ideas.
“A knight! You’d be a knight!”
A sound of confusion escaped from Gerald’s mouth as Katarina immediately explained her outburst. She unapologetically moved from one topic to another without rest, her childlike personality coming out to play.
“In another life, I think you’d be a knight!” While she explained, Katarina mentally thanked her favorite fantasy anime for that idea. “If you wanted a life where you’d have your sword, then I think one of your past lives was one where you were a knight!”
Finally, a familiar term he knew plenty about.
Gerald thought of himself placing his skills in swordsmanship and making it his life’s purpose. He thought of wearing the same heavy armor the knights of the kingdom donned, and dedicating his life to protecting the country and its people. It wasn’t an attractive life to him.
Feigning a smile, Gerald gently interjected.
“I’m glad you think that I’d be fit to become a knight, but I think I’d prefer something a little different.”
Knights were passionate about their cause—a sentiment Gerald knew he couldn’t replicate. He could see himself choosing to become a loyal fighter later on in his life, but never could he imagine training for it in his teens up to adulthood.
Katarina’s lips formed into a pout as she thought of an alternative to her idea. She pondered and imagined, deliberated and mused, until her eyes met a pumpkin patch illuminated by the moonlight, an idea forming out of thin air.
“A farmer!”
“Absolutely not.”
“Eh?!”
Katarina looked genuinely surprised at the immediate reply, shutting down the best idea she had all night. Gerald’s arms were crossed, clearly not wanting to consider. His forehead was creased, but it was all in endearment. He was ecstatic that he was seeing the cheerful Katarina he was used to.
“Besides…” Gerald leaned towards Katarina, his hand cupping her soft cheek. He locked his eyes with hers, and searched for an answer. “Where would you be in those past lives?”
“What do you mean?” Sweet Katarina was lost, so Gerald brushed her cheek with his thumb and recounted their entire conversation.
“Where would you be if I was a student in your world?”
Katarina stared at him, at a loss for words.
“I think you’d look like the past life you’ve told me about. I would be tasked with helping you with your homework, and that’s how we would get to know each other.” Gerald answered his own question, demanding all of Katarina’s attention.
“As for a knight, the only way I’d ever become one is if you were my princess. I would train day and night just to protect you, and only you.” His words flowed like a relentless river, flowing without pause or delay. “I’d lay down my life for you so you could rest without worry.”
Katarina kept her mouth shut and listened to every word, a warm flush settling on her cheeks. Gerald was once again pouring his heart out to her, and this time, she knew it was because he genuinely loved her.
“If I was a farmer… you would be the fair merchant I sell my vegetables to. I’d make sure every single one of my wares was perfect just for you.” stated Gerald with the utmost conviction in his voice.
He was the image of determination—of bright resolution. He would do absolutely anything for her and it was clear in his actions and in his promises, his plans and his secrets.
Gerald leaned his face towards Katarina’s, until his forehead rested perfectly on hers. Both of his hands cradled her face, as the tips of their noses delicately touched. Gerald whispered words fit for a wedding vow: “It would all be for naught if I didn’t have you in those lives.”
It was true. All of it was.
Without her, he would have become the cold prince. One without compassion and hope; one who lived his everydays without a sense of purpose. He would be blind to the beauty life had to offer, to the little miracles that gave life worth.
Like he was conveying a life changing secret, Gerald continued his whispers: “I don’t even want to imagine a life without you.”
He needed to be direct with his words. He needed to make sure that Katarina would understand his exact feelings. They were both far from the reckless youth full of vague confessions and unclear intentions, for they were now bound together by an inseparable bond that would never be severed. Gerald thought he was lucky—but it was Katarina who felt that she was the luckiest person in the world.
“What’s this all about, Gerald?”
An electrifying shock struck his heart at the absence of his title. Gerald took a deep breath before he finally brought up the purpose of their meeting under the stars.
“Has something been troubling you recently?” he finally asked.
“You noticed?” Katarina’s smile was forlorn. Her cheery aura had once again been obscured by her worries and doubts she had yet to talk about.
“I always do.”
“Oh… I forgot about that.”
“You were not so forgetful when you kept an eye on me for most of my life,” Gerald teased.
A sheepish grin bloomed on Katarina’s face. Gerald took that as encouragement, and continued his line of questioning.
“Is there something you want to talk about?”
Katarina looked away from her husband, moving away from his touch. She left his personal space and played with her hands to focus on something less intense than the stare he was giving her.
“There is, actually.”
Gerald held his breath.
“I was thinking about the life I lived before this one. I died so…” She trailed off, searching for an answer in her entwined hands, “early.”
“I always planned to stay alive for as long as possible when I came into this world. I was ready to become a farmer who tilled land until I grew old, but now I’m here and I’m married to a prince! I never even thought of marriage before…” A serious expression Gerald rarely saw was resting on Katarina’s face.
“I don’t know where I’m going with this exactly, but so many things have happened and I’ve never really had a moment to take it all in. Everything moved so fast and I barely had time to breathe.”
Gerald felt a pang of guilt throb in his chest. “Dear, you’ve been worried about this the entire time?”
“Mhm.”
The short, definite reply broke Gerald’s heart. It pained him, but what was most important was that Katarina was hurting—and he was the only one who could make it sting a little less.
“Katarina, I’m sorry that you’ve been feeling this way,” Gerald started, choosing his words carefully. “I may not be able to do much about slowing down time itself, so I’d like to offer you this—”
Gerald took hold of Katarina’s hand and squeezed it tightly. He invited her to look into his eyes for one of the most important promises he’ll ever make.
“Me. You have me, remember? Whenever you feel like things are tough, you’ll have me to rely on. I want to be your solace in this ever changing world.”
Gerald’s pledge echoed in the dark. He announced his desires before the sleeping country of Sorcier, and to the person he regarded as his whole world, the one who shone underneath the starlight.
“I want to be the first person you’ll run to when you can’t breathe. I’ll hold you close until you find your rhythm again, until you can breathe again. After that, you’ll continue facing the world like you always have, and I’ll be right beside you the entire time.”
Like magic, Katarina felt like she could breathe again.
All the feelings she kept inside slowly left, and all that remained was the love she had for Gerald. Darling Gerald with his soft blond hair that perfectly framed his face, and his heartwarming smile that often danced on his lips. He was the one who kept her in his mind much more often than she expected—the one who cared much more than she expected.
Her throat felt constricted. She could cry into the night right that second, but she allowed her feelings to melt into a subtle, tired laugh instead: “That sounds like your wedding vows.”
“It’s something a little better than that,” Gerald replied, relieved.
“Thank you,” she whispered, her shoulders feeling free from the burden she hid. “I’m glad that I have you in my life.”
“Likewise, love.” The soft expression that graced Gerald’s handsome features was incomparable to the official game art Katarina stared at for long periods of time. It was genuine. It was full of feelings just for her.
“I sincerely hope that I’ll be here for your next reincarnation. And the next too,” he added, a subdued laugh accompanying the grin that grew brighter.
No matter what happens, Gerald was sure that he’d always find her. He’d always find his Katarina no matter where she was or who she was, and that was enough for him. In the past, present, or future, their souls would always fall in love. It was one of the only constants in the lives they have lived and were to live, and the thought of always finding his way home to her made him less anxious for what their tomorrows held.
"I hope the stars watching us right now will guide me to you in my next life,” Gerald whispered to his beloved, taking note of the warmth her skin radiated. It was not just a statement of wanting luck on his side—but it was a promise to actively search for her no matter where she was.
Katarina felt elated. She squeezed the warm hand resting in hers and had no plans of letting it go. Never in her life did she expect someone to wholeheartedly love her the way he did. Otome heroines and anime protagonists were far from her messy, childish self, but at least one person in this world loved her for being her—and that, in turn, was enough for her.
“I’ll hope for that too.”
Her reply came in a quiet, content whisper. The look of pure euphoria in the once cold prince was all the stars needed to see, as the twinkling audience in the sky became a witness to the couple’s promise. Content, they resigned themselves to shine the path for the pair no matter what, their continuous sparkling serving as a beacon of hope spanning across lifetimes.