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Jason thought having the whole family out to fight this nobody reject from Central City was a little overkill, sure the twerp had some mysterious ray gun and some seriously good dodging skills but any one of them could’ve handled this solo.
“I’m freeing humanity from the shackles of their control, you should be helping me!” the guy- in a terrible purple suit, seriously Spoiler was the only one who can pull off eggplant- screamed out while flipping away from yet another Batarang. “I’ll show you,” he continued, giggling madly, “I’ve heard about you,” he pointed his gun directly at Jason, the gun was quick to follow him no matter how fast he dodged out of the way.
“You are thinly veiled rage at all times, lets remove some of that veiling, you can take care of my Bat problem for me.”
With a flourish he aimed again and pulled the trigger quicker than Jason could get out of the way. While Purple Man was distracted with Jason, Red Robin snuck up behind him and kicked the weapon from his hands, which would have been awesome if he’d have done it before the beam of light hit Jason square in the chest.
“Hood!” he heard screamed from several different directions, the beam made him stumble but not fall, it felt… tingly, especially in his head. The team was looking at him with expressions ranging from concern to wariness, he noticed that their grips on their weapons were only tightening. Maybe once upon a time that would have made him angry, now he just felt exhausted, resigned to never being trusted. God knows he’d done enough to warrant their distrust. All he wants is to get out of here and wallow in his own self pity for a little while.
He let out a sigh before holstering his weapons and making his way over to where Red Robin had the guy tied up.
“What? No! You should be charging around like an angry bull. All emotional control stripped from you.” The guy said shocked.
“Maybe your gun’s a dud, my man,” Jason laughed, the disbelief on his face was hilarious. “Good work double R,” he told Tim, clapping him on the shoulder, happy for the helmet hiding his sappy grin, the same one he always had to fight to hide around Tim.
“Okay, that’s a little suspicious,” Steph whispered loudly, “Hood complimenting Red Robin?”
“We should get the gun and Hood back to the Cave,” Batman grunts out.
“No thanks B, I feel fine.”
“You don’t know what the gun did to you, you need to be monitored,” Batman said, his gravelly voice leaving no doubt about where Jason would be going.
“But have you considered the fact that I don’t wanna,” Jason whined petulantly, he recognized that he wouldn’t normally whine, but stoically go and endure Batman’s testing before sneaking out, but he couldn’t seem to help himself.
“Get to the Cave, Hood,” Batman commanded one last time, “Red Robin, get started researching that gun.” Hood capitulated, dragging his feet and pouting behind his helmet.
“Don’t wanna,” he muttered while getting on his bike.
By the time he got to the Cave annoyance had edged out his feelings of petulance, stupid Bruce always getting what he wants.
He parked his bike and headed back to the med bay pulling off his helmet on the way. He couldn’t help the wry smile that pushed its way on his face. There was just something about being in the Cave that made him happy deep down. Deep down, under the fear and anger and remorse and wariness, all of which passed through him briefly but didn’t stick around. But right now, he was feeling nostalgic more than anything else.
He heard the others pulling in when he saw it. That case, the stupid fucking case with his uniform, A Good Soldier, a soldier huh, that’s all he’d been, not a son, never that. Black fury rose up in his throat and before he could stop himself, he pitched his helmet right through the case, glass shattered in an impressive arc of destruction.
“Jason!” he heard Batman bark out his name. He spun on his heels and marched forward until he was nearly bumping chests with the still cowled Bruce. His hands were shaking.
“That’s all I am right? No, it’s all any of us are to you, fucking soldiers in your never-ending war on Gotham. They’re children” He waves an arm expansively to take in Steph, Tim and Damian. “I was a child, a child Bruce, not a goddamn soldier, your child.” He was screaming now directly in Bruce’s face who for his part barely flinched back. “What’s worse- you wanna know what’s worse? I’m alive.” He paused for a moment- breath coming quickly, eyes burning with tears, his stomach a tight ball of acid. “You’re welcome to your grief and your fucking revisionist history or whatever, but I’m alive, I don’t need a memorial now. But if he,” he waves back at the now shattered memorial, “wasn’t your son, I damn sure ain’t.”
Jason’s hands balled up in fists and his right arm tensed backwards when he felt a pinch in his neck. He spun quickly, face a portrait of betrayal to see Alfred with a needle.
“Come on my boy, let's get you laid down before you pass out.” He didn’t bother fighting, the wind out of his sails. He just trudged the few feet to the cot in the Med Bay, he was out before he could lay down.
He woke slowly, groggily, struggling to remember why he had been asleep at all. He ran a hand over his face, he felt drained, emotionless, a nice reprieve from earlier roller coaster of flickering emotions. Alfred walked into his blocked off area as he was sitting up.
“How are you feeling, Master Jason?” the older man asked, moving to help him into a sitting position.
“Like shit,” he said thoughtlessly, then flinched, “sorry Alfie.”
“I can be swayed to let it go just this once,” the butler said with a tight smile, Jason couldn’t help but smile back, feeling the warm comfort he always associated with Alfred. “We did a brain scan while you were out, there is abnormal activity in the amygdala, which controls the emotions. Master Tim is working on the gun that hit you seeing if he can get the effects reversed. Until he’s successful it would be best if you stayed here, and tried to stay away from the others, we don’t know how volatile this could make you behave.”
“Or I could just go home, I’m fine,” Jason tried for a reassuring smile but he didn’t think he hit the mark, too drained and trying to bat down the little bubbles of annoyance sneaking up on him. Alfred served him an unimpressed look, well he had to try.
“Or I’ll just stay right here, out of the way, it’s not like I want anyone to see all of my emotions.” Alfred patted Jason gently on the back.
“I’ll be back shortly Master Jason, would you like some tea perhaps?”
“I’d love that, thank you.” He could apparently still lie; he didn’t give a damn about tea right now.
It wasn’t that long before he could smell chamomile.
“Thanks Alfie,” Jason said, not bothering to look up.
“Not Alfred, but you’re welcome.” Jason was faced with Dick, and a swirling miasma of emotions that had him clenching his jaw tightly. Old, faded jealousy, yearning to be loved by someone he considered a brother, aggravation, frustration for the situation and the cold edges of humiliation just waiting to happen all warred for attention leaving him nauseous.
“Wow, I’ve never seen that many expressions cross someone’s face that quickly.” Dick said in surprise.
“What do you want Dickface, I’m supposed to be in isolation.” Jason crossed his arms over his chest old feelings of inferiority winning out over everything else. He never realized he had all of these complicated feelings concerning Dick Grayson.
“I’m just checking on you,” Jason could smell the dishonesty from a mile away.
“Bullshit.” Jason told him, his temper beginning to flare.
“Alright, maybe I just wanted to see you, see how you felt about me.” Dick answered with a self-conscious shrug, like he knew this was a bad idea.
“It’s not a truth spell asshole, I don’t have to tell you shit, and trying to take advantage of the situation doesn’t make me very willing to help you out.”
“I guess I can tell from how you’re responding, you’re just getting mad again, I’ll go.” Jason sighed as Dick turned to leave.
“I’m not mad at you Dickie, I’m frustrated with the situation. I… I don’t know how I feel about you, it’s too much to parse to be honest.” Jason told him with a shrug, his face pulled into a grimace.
“I guess I can understand that, I’ll let you rest now, hopefully we’ll get this fixed soon Little Wing.” Dick left and Jason smiled unconsciously, he’d always pretended to hate that stupid nickname, but secretly he like that Dick gave him a nickname at all.
It had been hours, he’d fallen asleep even, when he felt someone watching him, he gently slitted one eye open, only to find Tim standing in the doorway holding the gun that started all of this mess. Jason couldn’t help the soft smile that graced his face, giving away the fact that he was awake.
“Hi, I was checking in, I think I’ve got the gun reversed.” Tim said when he noticed Jason had woken up, Jay wondered how long he’d been standing there watching him sleep. Jason couldn’t help how his body softened, opening up his body language. Tim made him feel- soft, for lack of a better word, peaceful even, a total 180 from how he’d felt under the Pit’s influence.
“Okay, if you think you’ve got it, we should give it a try.”
“Just like that?” Tim questioned, “no threats, no doubts.” Jason tried to summon his earlier anger, but just got a sense of sadness.
“No threats,” he assured Tim, “and no doubts, you’re a smart cookie Timbo, if you think it’s ready to be tried out, I trust you.” Shut up! He thought to himself harshly, it’s not a fucking truth spell you can just shut up already.
Tim looked a little weirded out to be honest. Holding the gun awkwardly and shuffling his feet.
“You know I thought you’d be a lot more hostile, you nearly ripped Bruce’s head off.”
“Yeah, well, you’re not Bruce, why would I be mad at you?” Jason asked defensively.
“Um, because you’re always mad at me, Pretender, Replacement, remember?” Jason felt the flush of shame and remorse creeping up his chest. He’d ruined everything before he’d even realized one day there might be something to ruin. He always did that, his thoughts began to spiral, he let his anger or pride overrule his mind and logic. This time it had cost him something precious, there was no way Tim would ever want to be with him. He could feel his eyes getting glassy but couldn’t stop himself.
“Whoa, just breathe Jason, I don’t know what I said to make you this upset but I’m sorry.” Tim stuttered, nearly flailing about. Great, now he thinks he did something wrong.
“I’m fine,” Jason lied, “just caught up in emotions, you didn’t do anything Timmy.” Jason took a deep breath. “I’m not mad at you, I haven’t been in a very long time,” Jason blew out a sigh. “I, uh, actually like you, a lot, respect you even. I really regret what I did to you, you know?” Well, this wasn’t awkward or anything, Jason decided that shutting up was the way to go.
“I… didn’t know actually, but it’s nice to hear.” Tim said, a blush forming on his pretty cheeks. Jason wanted to reach out and touch it, and unfortunately that’s exactly what he did. He realized it a few seconds into cupping Tim’s face, staring deeply into his eyes. He jerked his hand back like he had touched fire, cursing the flutter of butterfly wings in his chest.
“Maybe we should try the gun now,” Jason said after clearing his throat. He clenched the hand that had touched Tim, trying to hang on to his warmth.
“Yeah, let’s do that,” Tim agreed quickly. He backed away and aimed at Jason, who could do nothing but smile goofily. Tim was even handsome while pointing a weapon at him. Tim pulled the trigger, the beam once again rocked him backwards and there was an annoying tingle.
Jason quickly realized what he’d done, what he’d exposed to Tim, the smile was wiped from his face like it had never been there, his expression turning stone cold, he forced his hands open and made his body language as closed off and distant as possible, not wanting anyone to dare talk to him.
He nodded at Tim as he brushed past, got on his motorcycle and got the hell out as fast as he could.
It had been a few days and Jason had avoided the other Bats like the plague. He had seen the shadow of Batman a few times, probably wanting to talk about their argument but too awkward to actually stop by and talk.
He was sitting by George, one of the many gargoyles he’d named as Robin, eating a chili dog when Red Robin landed next to him, he thought he hid his flinch of surprise well.
“Red,” he said evenly, nodding.
“Hood.”
“What brings you to my neck of the woods?” Jason asked.
“I wanted to check on you, make sure there were no side effects or hold over from the emotion thing.”
“I’m fine,” he stated blankly. Tim sighed a little huff of frustration. “What’s with you?” Jason asked nervously, unsure of himself suddenly.
“I miss when you smiled at me,” Jason just blinked back at him. “Tell me if I’ve got this wrong but it seemed like you maybe liked me, really liked me, and I’ve been thinking and I like you too, I like your smiles, and you touching my face and looking at me like you wanted to devour me.” Tim rambled breathlessly looking like he wanted the ground to open up beneath him.
Jason put a stop to it by kissing him softly, just an innocent press of the lips.
“You taste like chili dog,” Tim said dreamily when they broke the kiss.
“Sorry,” Jason cringed, wishing for mints.
“Don’t be, I like it, you could kiss me again.” Jason stared for a moment, memorizing the look on Tim’s face, his blown pupils and blush covered cheeks, before leaning down to kiss him once again.